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SEXUAL FREEDOM IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK · Erotic Spirit Podcast

0:00
SPEAKER_01: You can dress sexual, you can dance sexual.
0:03
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean you have to go out and have sex, but it is an expression of who you are and who you choose to be.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: And it's still beautiful sexual, sensual expression.
0:20
SPEAKER_01: This podcast discusses sensitive and sexual topics that may be triggering.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: Please understand we are not therapists.
0:31
SPEAKER_01: We are simply sharing from our own journey and experience.
0:35
SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to the Erotic Spirit Podcast.
0:38
SPEAKER_01: My name is Angela Shelby.
0:39
SPEAKER_01: And I'm Jenna Lee.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: And today we are talking about sexual freedom.
0:44
SPEAKER_01: And it is not what you think it is.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: And if you stick around, we'll help support you in understanding how to be in your sexual freedom.
0:54
SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
0:55
SPEAKER_01: So you and I got talking about this because we were seeing articles talking about uh sexual freedom and questions of is sexual freedom really helping our society?
1:07
SPEAKER_01: Is sexual freedom really the gift that we're thinking it is?
1:12
SPEAKER_01: Um and I just stopped and went, I think we need to really redefine what sexual freedom is.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:21
SPEAKER_01: So sexual freedom, when I think of sexual freedom, it's about freedom within myself, about my sexuality.
1:32
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: It's how I feel about sex.
1:35
SPEAKER_01: It's how I define what my sexual boundaries are, what my likes are, what my dislikes are.
1:41
SPEAKER_01: And having the internal strength, the internal sense of self and permission and love and self-value to decide those things.
1:54
SPEAKER_01: Whether it be I love my sexual freedom, I am celibate, and this is what makes me happy, and I embrace it and I do it because I love it and I love being self-contained that way.
2:06
SPEAKER_01: Or uh it can mean I am polyamorous, I have three distinct partners and I love them all.
2:14
SPEAKER_01: Or it could be serial monogamy.
2:16
SPEAKER_01: I'm with her for a year or two and then I move on.
2:20
SPEAKER_01: Or it's it's freedom to be who we are.
2:24
SPEAKER_01: And I think what society's defining sexual freedom is sleeping with anyone and everything.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: And yes, yes, uh, just yeah.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: Yes, all on promiscuous, yeah, being as promiscuous as you want to be.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: That's what I when I think of what society projects outwardly is exactly that.
2:48
SPEAKER_00: I think of promiscuous, and I'm just gonna throw my thing everywhere, and we're gonna see who catches it.
2:55
SPEAKER_00: Throw my thing everywhere.
2:57
SPEAKER_00: No, we're gonna just see, we're just gonna see, and it's like, no, no, no, no.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to just see.
3:02
SPEAKER_00: And it's the quality, it's that I have all these things, and it's not just I'm just gonna go out and have sex for me.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: That's it.
3:11
SPEAKER_00: And so it is looking at that internal state.
3:14
SPEAKER_00: And the the to me, it also represents all I resonate with a lot of what you said.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: And another layer for me personally is about how I feel free within my body.
3:27
SPEAKER_00: And I'm I allow that sexual energy to just rise and I just see it and witness it and acknowledge it, and acknowledge that it is just part of the universe and it's not separate and it's there and it flows, but it's not being projected out to anyone.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: It's not like I need to put it out there to these people.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: It just is part of life force and the essence to be in that freedom of that orgasmic energy and just know that I'm the I'm creating this experience right here, right now, like that's freedom to me.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: And that and that's freedom to my body as well, to let it just be what it naturally does.
4:10
SPEAKER_00: It naturally just exists.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: And if there is that arisal of that feeling of that arousal energy and that sexual energy, just to be a witness to it and not to suppress it, to just be with it and not needing to have to do anything with it, to just be.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: I love how you said that because I think some of the biggest concerns for people expressing themselves sexually means you have to follow up and have sex.
4:39
SPEAKER_01: And not only do you have to have sex, it's penetrative sex.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: And you know, if I put my sexuality out there, it's gonna mean XYZ, and that I have to do this, this, and this, and this is going to be the end result.
4:51
SPEAKER_01: Instead of it's just an expression of who you are.
4:56
SPEAKER_01: It's just expressing that part of yourself, whether it be in how you dress or how you move or how you dance or how you talk, any of those things.
5:09
SPEAKER_01: Our sexual energy, it's it's like it's all or nothing in society.
5:15
SPEAKER_01: You either totally put it away and it's not seen, or and or you only bring it out, you know, in private, or it's like balls to the wall.
5:27
SPEAKER_01: We're promiscuous, we talk about it all the time, everywhere.
5:31
SPEAKER_01: And that means that we have sex all the time if we're talking about it.
5:35
SPEAKER_01: And it it's it's this funky total scale that is not reality.
5:44
SPEAKER_01: It's totally maladaptive.
5:46
SPEAKER_01: Where, like, for example, if I am joyful, I'm not thinking I have to hide my joy.
5:54
SPEAKER_01: I can I can't express it because we don't talk about my joy.
5:58
SPEAKER_01: We don't talk about that stuff.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: I have to keep it hidden.
6:01
SPEAKER_01: And if I express my joy, you know, that could mean people think that I'm a total wacko because I'm so happy and that's irrational.
6:11
SPEAKER_01: Nobody does that.
6:12
SPEAKER_01: Nobody thinks that.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: So why do we take our sexuality and go, man, I can't express my sexuality at all?
6:21
SPEAKER_01: You know, people think I'm I'm promiscuous and sleep with everybody.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: I have to keep it hidden.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: Like, why of all the things that is human, do we feel we have to take this quality that is so integral to who we are?
6:35
SPEAKER_01: And it has to be all or nothing.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:37
SPEAKER_01: It's it is, I mean, you can dress sexual, you can dance sexual.
6:44
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean you have to go out and have sex, but it is an expression of who you are, yes, and who you choose to be.
6:52
SPEAKER_01: And it's still beautiful sexual, sensual expression.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: And there's this opportunity and invitation to stop attaching labels to things and then allow fluidity and the flow of whatever we feel in the moment.
7:11
SPEAKER_00: So this label of this is how this is supposed to be, you know, you were saying, like, hey, this is it's all or nothing.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: And it's this, it's the label and the attachment.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: And the only person that's giving a meaning to it is me.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I may hear what society projects on that label and I believe it.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: And so it's up for me to decide and define and be in the moment of what feels really good.
7:35
SPEAKER_00: It's like this, I think of this other similar thing too.
7:39
SPEAKER_00: Say you find someone attractive, and maybe you and you're having a conversation and it's how you feel, and you do say something, and you know, maybe you keep moving with doesn't mean that I want to get married to you.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that we need to be in a relationship.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: This is just an authentic expression of me, and it's harmless.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: It's harmless.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: And I I feel connected to some of these expressions.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: There's like a potential of being rejected and being afraid of what that may look like.
8:11
SPEAKER_00: Is someone gonna reject me for being who I am?
8:15
SPEAKER_00: Is someone gonna reject, you know, the compliment?
8:18
SPEAKER_00: Is someone gonna, you know, tell me to stop dancing in this sexual way?
8:23
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just I'm just here showing up.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I like to move my hips when I dance because it feels good.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: Does it look sexual?
8:32
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, you know, but it feels good in my body.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: And it just feels like, whoa, I can feel that.
8:39
SPEAKER_00: I last time I danced, I felt last two times, I felt this my body going into whole body orgasm and that energy just moving.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: And I was just moving my hips, and it just felt so good.
8:52
SPEAKER_00: I don't give a fuck who's over here because I am here.
8:55
SPEAKER_00: Like I'm experiencing this shit, and this is real, and it just feels good for me.
9:01
SPEAKER_00: And that's I don't want to reject me and my authentic self here now.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: I really like the thought.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: I really like the thought that sexual freedom is whatever we need it to be for ourselves.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: I I keep thinking of the examples of just being celibate.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: Yes, you know, but being able to sexually express yourself and not be afraid to be able to dress however you want to be and be sexy about it.
9:34
SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't automatically mean that uh you are asking for sex or petitioning for sex, that you can just express sexuality without being afraid that it has to get to that end result.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
9:50
SPEAKER_01: It's just being who and what you are and what that leads to.
9:56
SPEAKER_01: So we have talked about before uh that all emotions are connected, they all run through the same pathway.
10:06
SPEAKER_01: You can't pick and choose your emotions.
10:08
SPEAKER_01: If you shove one emotion, it inhibits the others.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: So think about that when we are taking like this this part of ourselves that is creation in expression, and we're stuffing it, and that's the only way.
10:23
SPEAKER_01: You can either pull it out only under very specific circumstances, like being married.
10:31
SPEAKER_01: Um, or if you do, you're totally considered promiscuous, and that's where you're pigeonholed, and that's, you know, you're asking for it, or you have to totally shove it away.
10:43
SPEAKER_01: Think of how much that affects us without realizing how much it affects us to take such an integral part of ourselves and like shove it in the corner and never express it unless it's this way or this way.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: Like it's crippling.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that is fucking crippling.
11:03
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: And it this is the other thing about that.
11:07
SPEAKER_01: It breeds crazy shit.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: Like if you cannot talk about sexuality, if you cannot express your sexuality, again, that means you don't talk about it.
11:19
SPEAKER_01: And if you don't talk about it, that means crazy stuff happens, like abuse and incest and all that stuff.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: And it happens because we're taught we don't talk about sex, even when it goes bad.
11:33
SPEAKER_01: You know, even when there's trauma, we don't talk about it.
11:36
SPEAKER_01: God forbid we don't talk about it.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: I have gotten this multiple times from multiple people in their families, the people who are supposed to protect them the most, saying, Yeah, that happened, but we don't talk about it.
11:47
SPEAKER_01: Like, what the fuck?
11:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's like, are you kidding me?
11:52
SPEAKER_01: So that is one of the really ugly ways that this taking our sexuality and stuffing it manifests itself.
12:01
SPEAKER_01: But we don't think of it that way.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: We just think there's evil in the world and this stuff happens.
12:06
SPEAKER_01: We don't see how we are creating it and how we are treating our sexuality.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: So when we take those moments to like sexually express ourselves and be happy with who we are sexually, it is an antidote to all this sexual abuse because we are accepting our sexual energy and loving it, which puts out more loving sexual energy in the world, whether it's whether it's actual sex or not, it's the embracing and loving of that energy within ourselves, that acceptance.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: Because when we do that, we value ourselves.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: We talk about sex like it's a natural part of life without shame.
12:51
SPEAKER_01: And then this moldy, nasty, traumatic, horrendous abuse that happens over here, you it's it's automatic light shining on it without even touching the subject.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: And it starts to shift it and change it.
13:08
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
13:10
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
13:10
SPEAKER_00: It's sexual freedom heals generational trauma.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: Sexual freedom within me heals sexual heals that generational trauma of whatever it is.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: It could be something similar that happened to me, it could be something different, but just me embracing it and showing up in freedom within myself to be who I am emanates.
13:37
SPEAKER_00: It just is.
13:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone, but then when I just show up as me, embracing all of me, there's the not intentional planting of the seeds, but seeds can get planted outwardly towards you know, generations.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: And then it's a curiosity, and then it's like uh, hmm, does something feel good here?
14:01
SPEAKER_00: And starting to see what people are holding themselves to where they are not free within themselves, which is what it's about freedom.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
14:12
SPEAKER_00: This podcast is sponsored by My Awakening Within.
14:16
SPEAKER_00: If you are looking for some sort of practice to drop into your pleasure, to reconnect to your body, to start to build and cultivate safety from within, join me on this online self-guided journey where you will start to learn breathwork techniques, emotional release practices, and start to build this foundation of safety and security from a place of presence.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: So join me online, myawakeningwithin.com or linked in the show notes.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: It's I love how you said that.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: It's uh sexual freedom heals generational trauma.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: Spot on.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah because it's the freedom within ourselves.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: Just that that's that's sexual freedom.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: Um looking at those articles, I know like we were looking at them and they're like, is sexual freedom really good?
15:10
SPEAKER_01: And I like my back went up right away.
15:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yes, motherfucker, it's really good.
15:16
SPEAKER_01: We need to look at sexual freedom in a different way.
15:18
SPEAKER_01: Sexual freedom is the ability to sexually be yourself without fear.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: And with hope and joy.
15:28
SPEAKER_01: And we've talked about it again.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: I know it's like beating a dead horse, but the quality of the energy we project is the quality of the energy that we receive.
15:37
SPEAKER_01: Humanity as a whole creates this consciousness.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: We are all connected through energy and it creates this human consciousness, collective human consciousness is what it's called.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: And we all have access to each other and we all affect each other.
15:54
SPEAKER_01: So when you have this massive uh sexual guilt and shame and demonizing of sexual energy, it creates monsters, it creates the abuse in the dark.
16:09
SPEAKER_01: So when people look at this sexual, I want to say deviation, sexual abuse, sexual harm.
16:19
SPEAKER_01: That's the word, sexual harm.
16:22
SPEAKER_01: And they're like, Well, I'm not a part of that.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: And those are other people that happens to other people.
16:28
SPEAKER_01: It does not in my world.
16:29
SPEAKER_01: It's I people don't understand that it's right near you.
16:36
SPEAKER_01: Like 80% of the women I know have been sexually abused and from all walks of life in different ages.
16:42
SPEAKER_01: And uh it's it's right there, but it's us believing that of that energy that allows this stuff to thrive.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: So tackling it within ourselves changes that.
16:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:01
SPEAKER_00: And I mean, you there's a there's a huge percentage there.
17:03
SPEAKER_00: I mean, like four and five, right?
17:06
SPEAKER_00: Four out of five.
17:06
SPEAKER_00: Right.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: No joke.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: And it and it happens to uh there's a large statistic for men.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: And I I won't, I won't claim what number it is, but I know when I was in my ayahuasca journey, the the four men that were there, three of them verbalized.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: So that, and then it's all based on choice and what people want to share.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I mean it's there, it's there.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: So when we look at how we're not free or the opportunity to invite the freedom of discussions, I was having a discussion at a networking space, and because of the podcasts and all these things and what I do, and I'm like talking about sex all the time to people and not projecting it as like, oh, we need to.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh, this is it.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: This is the invitation.
17:52
SPEAKER_00: And there was an invitation for that person to share some of her stuff, some of her trauma.
17:59
SPEAKER_00: And and she had even said to herself that, yeah, people aren't talking about this.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: So it we don't realize how much it impacts other people.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: So just think about that.
18:09
SPEAKER_00: We are not free within society to talk about trauma.
18:13
SPEAKER_00: So with sexual freedom, allowing ourselves to be free of what's in the mind and body to just be, to be.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: And the cycles will stop when we do move into that space.
18:26
SPEAKER_00: The cycles in society, the abuse, the all all these things that we see that we're not happy about.
18:32
SPEAKER_00: They stop when they when we start within ourselves, that internal state, that sexual freedom, that that beingness within self to just to be not because I need to fix the world, but because I'm here to show up in in this body and be true to me.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: And I get to share that that love is shared.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: It's like I don't need to to force the love, it just gets shared.
18:56
SPEAKER_00: Just is.
18:57
SPEAKER_00: Just because I love myself, it overflows.
19:00
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
19:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:05
SPEAKER_00: And I love, oh, go ahead.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I was gonna just share.
19:09
SPEAKER_00: Speaking of love, you know, and we're talking about sexual freedom and or just things to take away, is loving on the body.
19:17
SPEAKER_00: I think that's a really big thing of naked mirror bodywork and being able to that helped me with sexual freedom because my body's a big part of sex and sexuality.
19:31
SPEAKER_00: I just my body walks to the fridge, it walks the counter, it walks to the store.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: It goes.
19:38
SPEAKER_00: And being able to be comfortable in it where I'm like, whoa, I look fucking good today, you know, and I'm and I'm naked as fuck.
19:47
SPEAKER_00: And here we go.
19:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, that's been a huge part of my journey into sexual freedom, is like I'm not caring around if I'm with a partner around what they think about me and my body.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: I don't.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: And most likely they're like, I fucking love your body.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: And if they don't, then I'm not for you.
20:04
SPEAKER_00: That's okay, boo.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: Nothing to do with me.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for everybody, there is a partner.
20:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: There's people's people's sexual preferences are less pigeonholed and defined than we think they are.
20:21
SPEAKER_01: Or that I should say is culturally portrayed in media and society.
20:26
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's getting a little better, but not really.
20:29
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I love how you said talking about or sexual freedom is being able to talk about our sexual trauma.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
20:39
SPEAKER_01: Being able to just talk about sex, period.
20:42
SPEAKER_01: That is sexual freedom.
20:44
SPEAKER_01: That's what that is to me.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think that would be my takeaway.
20:49
SPEAKER_01: That is what sexual freedom is.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: Being able to be in the juices of all of it.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: And like I think of when something is not controlling me and my mind is like true freedom, true uh forgiveness.
21:08
SPEAKER_00: And I and I'll say this too.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: I had this drop in.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: I it's not the first time it's dropped in, but more recently, as I've been layering in other areas and other aspects of my life and other people, I remember feeling this knowingness of God, seeing God within them.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: And it was just pure, and when I say that, it's not about religion, it's just like love.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: It's like I believe that source, God, universe is all one.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: There's a oneness, there's the and there's no man in the sky.
21:37
SPEAKER_00: There's just like there's just all the love.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: And I and I had a friend say to me, she was like, it sounds like forgiveness for to see God within another, right?
21:48
SPEAKER_00: Like to truly just see them, just not see any labels or identities, just to see them and be there and witness them, whatever that means, whatever they're going through, I'm not gonna judge it.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: And whatever they've done to me, I've let that go.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: And to truly be in the frequency of forgiveness and freedom.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: So to forgive oneself, to be fully in the space of knowing I am a co-creator, but then also experience that happened to me doesn't define me.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: And I'm here to live and be in all of it.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: Like that to me is also a layer, an aspect of sexual freedom for me.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't control me.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: Nothing will control me anymore.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: Only my mind.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: I mean, and that's part of it, right?
22:39
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: What do I think other is happening over there?
22:42
SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't matter anymore.
22:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: That is sexual freedom.
22:46
SPEAKER_00: That's sexual freedom.
22:47
SPEAKER_01: It's it's an it's an inside job.
22:50
SPEAKER_00: It is an inside job.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that would be that would be my takeaway.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: That's your takeaway.
22:57
SPEAKER_00: Very good takeaways.
22:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:59
SPEAKER_00: I like it.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: They are.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: Ah, I love it.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you for tuning in today to Erotic Spirit Podcast.
23:07
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23:09
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23:14
SPEAKER_00: We're out there.
23:14
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for tuning in and bye for now.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: So, this awesome podcast is sponsored by Enlightened Energy Works.
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SPEAKER_01: Would you like to meet your spirit guides or build a deeper connection with them?
23:27
SPEAKER_01: If so, I have an online self-guided course with simple exercises and recommendations to help you build your connection with your spirit guides in your own way and at your own pace.
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SPEAKER_01: If you're interested, please check it out at www.angelashelby.com or click the link in the show notes.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for hanging with us today.
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