Latest / The Inner Wealth Podcast / Ep242. What You Think You Want Isn’t What You Actually Want: Expanding Beyond Survival Thinking.

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Ep242. What You Think You Want Isn’t What You Actually Want: Expanding Beyond Survival Thinking. · The Inner Wealth Podcast

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Do you ever wake up feeling like there's something missing in your life?
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Do you ever feel the need to escape your business?
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Are you running your life or is your life running me?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm my Kitko, and I'll help you design and create a life so authentic and align with who you really are that you'll get excited just to wake up.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'll help you create real wealth, success, and freedom from the inside out.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Inner Wealth Podcast, where we learn and choose to live inspired each and every day.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: And this is back to just me for now.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: So until Angie and I decide to come up with something different, um, you're stuck with me.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you're not stuck with me because you know you're you're not here because you have to be.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're here because you want to be.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: You're listening because you want to, not because you have to.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, but either way, for that, for listening, I'm I'm I'm extremely grateful.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And uh thank you for being part of my journey and my part of my life.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And without uh without you guys, you listeners, and this this podcast has been listened to in uh on six continents, 115 countries around the world, over 1,720 cities.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And without you guys, without listeners uh all around the world, I wouldn't uh I wouldn't keep cranking out the material.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: So it is fulfilling for me.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: But if nobody's listening, why do it?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: But uh most podcasts, there's two and a half million podcasts and you know, tens of thousands of podcasts that are launched every year.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: And most never make it beyond five episodes, believe it or not, and most never get more than 10 downloads per episode.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And and uh, you know, the longevity, 200, I believe today's 242 episodes.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: That is something not just an accomplishment for me, but an accomplishment for the community and the audience that we've built.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for continuing to show up for me, for uh for the Interwolf podcast.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I would love if you you are a longtime listener, even a short time, if you just listen to this episode and you get some value out of it.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I would love it if you subscribed, liked, shared, uh, even promoted uh this podcast because it's all about trying to help human beings get the very, very most out of life and like be live a wealthy, successful, happy, fulfilling life, not through more strategies or tactics, but about by by becoming the person capable of creating all those, all everything that you want in your life.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So the Interwealth Podcast uh has been going on for four years now.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Every week I drop an episode on Thursdays, and I love showing up.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: So we're back to regularly scheduled programming.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've got some something powerful to share.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and again, I thank you for showing up.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Uh today I wanna I want to share with you about what I've been cooking up over the last couple of weeks.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I've kind of put it to the back burner while Angie and I, you know, went through our our journey together and in our 10 10 part series.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: I love what we created.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: It was really, really fun to uh sit next to my bride for for that many weeks uh and do this podcast.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: But there's something that's been really, really stirring up in my soul.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it goes back to months and months ago, in well, even years ago, where in the Interwealth podcast, I used to talk about the power of clarity.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And clarity is a very powerful force, it's a very powerful mechanism.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I I often shared about the creation process.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And the creation process is a three-part sequence that when you as you master the creation process, you'll unlock new levels of health and wealth and success and love and fulfillment and joy in your life, right?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's aligned perfectly for you.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: And clarity is the primary force for creation.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the the sequence is clarity, getting clear about what you want, exactly what you want in life.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Certainty is eliminate worry, doubt, fear, anxiety, like anything, any internal resistance that would keep you thinking that you can't have what you want, right?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's just inner disturbance, inner noise, inner nervous system dysregulation.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And we get to let some of that go through shadow work and the drill method and Sedona method or whatever release techniques that you know that help you reestablish power over your nervous system instead of allowing your nervous system to be have have power over you.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the final step is remaining committed, right?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Taking inspired action, but remaining patient in the process and finally receiving it when it shows up because it will.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Clarity is a magnetic and creative and powerful force.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And as long as you are crystal clear that it not only it's not if it will happen, but it when it will happen or that it will happen, and you uh allow the universe to do its work, and you're responsible for the what, but you're not responsible for the how and the when.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And as long as you do that work, you'll start to experience the life that that you that you dream.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: So uh I used to share that a lot and kind of not I got away from it because it's still a very powerful force and a very powerful teaching, a very, very powerful mechanism, but I didn't focus on it that as much.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And today I want to re-establish some focus, but with another higher level of clarity.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd say back in the day when I used to talk about clarity a lot, the power of clarity, the magnetic nature of clarity, I used to say that the number one reason that people don't have what they want is very, very simple.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, it it's um when I first realized this and when I was first exposed to this, uh it was, it was, you know, it was surprising because the number one reason that most people don't have what they want is because they don't even know what they want.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: They know what they don't want, they are crystal clear on what they don't want, and they wake up every single day to avoid what they don't want.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: They they don't really take the time, they think they know what they want, but they don't really take the time to get to know exactly what they want.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why it's always always elusive.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now, today I want to share a framework.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: I want to share a new set of knowledge and wisdom that that has really started to show up for me.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: And and I'm gonna dive into this more and more as time goes on, not just in on the inner wealth podcast, but you know, in in in my inner wealth mastermind and in workshops and teachings and and even maybe a new book wrapped around with this this uh concept wrapped around.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And this concept is called, I call it the four existential drives.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, where did the four existential drives come from?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: I love the art of contemplation.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I sit in silence and stillness for hours and hours and hours a day.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I am not exaggerating with that.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: My wife likes to, Angie likes to be in motion, she likes to take action, she likes to, you know, she loves when she's inspired and moving forward.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I find that if I'm always moving forward, I'm not always clear with where I'm moving forward towards.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, and or why I'm moving away from something.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And the art of contemplation and the act of contemplation for me is just a reflecting and asking myself lots of existential questions and lots of really deep, profound questions really helps me unlock another level of clarity or higher levels of clarity and higher levels of insight and higher levels of inspiration.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And when I have all of those, I get to share them with the world.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And today, I want to share that with you.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: The four existential drives came from me looking back at my life, saying, What was all of that for?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm 53 years old, and there have been different seasons, there have been different paces, there have been different uh chapters, there have been lots of high highs, lots of low lows, there have been uh there have been lots of wins and lots of celebrations and lots of trophies and lots of accomplishments, but there's also been a lot of blood, sweat and and just toil and turmoil.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, my wife and I have experienced the highest blisses of connection in our marriage, but we've also experienced the uh dread and the pain that almost came because of our divorce, our near divorce.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, you know, back in 2016, I filed for divorce and that helped us put everything back together.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we shared in the Unbreakable series that we just concluded.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: So we've experienced like abundant income and high cash flow that allowed us to experience all of life's goodness, travel and leisure and comfort.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then we've also experienced financial hardship where the income dried up because of maybe market conditions or maybe lack of clarity or whatever it is.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: But we experienced the exact opposite of that as well.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've experienced the coaching business, my coaching business being like taking off and gaining crazy momentum and without me doing a whole lot, then I've also experienced it kind of almost coming to a not a halt, but slowing down tremendously.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it felt like no matter what I did, no matter, no matter what kind of clarity I had, the momentum just wasn't there.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I've experienced all of it.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And what that allowed me to do is when I started asking these questions, what was my what has my life been about?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: What are the themes?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: What are the lessons?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: What are the what's the wisdom that I derived?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I said, I found that there were four drives that one of which, if not more, if not all of them, one of which I was always trying to fulfill it at any time.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I was trying to fulfill one drive at the expense of all the others.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: And there's one that's been uh prevalent in my life, and I'll share what that is.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: But there have been a couple that when these finally snapped into place, my life felt whole and complete and fulfilling and valuable and impactful.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I share, I'll share what those are too.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the four drives are from my experience.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: I want to share that I didn't, I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a sociologist, I'm not a licensed therapist, I don't have a doctor moniker, I don't have a a medical degree, I'm none of those things.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't hold any kind of licensing or credentials to say that I know anything about anything.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I am a wisdom teacher and my wisdom comes from my experience.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sharing today on this episode, I am sharing my experience with you.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Please understand, you're not going to find this in any book.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: I've got no reference material to tie it back to.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm only going to share what has clicked into place for me to help me understand a deeper level of understanding that connects all the dots in my life and helps me understand myself at a deeper level.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: And hopefully, from me sharing this with you, it'll help you understand something more uh deeper, more valuable, and more insightful for you in your life.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: And hopefully it'll it'll help something else click in your life that maybe is missing or maybe that's been elusive.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I also, on top of that, after I identified the four drives that have run my life, I started questioning, but isn't there another drive?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: And and I gotta I got to develop a different relationship with that thing, and I'll share what that is when I get to it too.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: So what I'm gonna share with you is all of these drives that I'm getting ready to express.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't about only embracing one.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't only about pursuing one or two.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is about embracing and integrating all of them into your life.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: There's one of them, the second one, when we get to the words that I use and a moniker that I use have kind of been demonized in the world, have kind of been shamed in the world.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm using that this moniker, and I'll tell you what it is.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm using this moniker very healthy way.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to, I'm gonna help you and I'm gonna encourage you to establish a healthy relationship with this thing instead of an unhealthy relationship.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: But it is also a very valuable and meaningful drive within the human experience.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: All right, so here we go.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: The very first drive that I want to share with you is the drive for survival.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's pretty basic, I know.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: But when I say the drive for survival, what I really mean is security, is safety.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: And what our nervous system craves most is certainty.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you know it or not, or if you've experienced this, but our nervous systems typically do not like uncertainty.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Our nervous systems typically don't operate well in uncertainty, and that's why it's always seeking control and always trying to rearrange circumstances to garner some sense of certainty in this world.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: When we are in the expression and the drive for security, it means that really fear and control is in the the driver's seat.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: When we're when we are in the shadow expression of survival, of course, of course, survival and security are important.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, we all want security, of course we want financial stability, of course we want to make sure that our needs are met and our families are taken care of and our families provided for.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: So this is in no way, shape, or form a bad thing or an unhealthy thing to seek out security in our life.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: But to live in the shadow expression, the fear and control means that you're trying to control things that you can't control.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not influencing life, you're trying to control it.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you're probably in that sake, in that sense, when you are in survival mode, when you are living through the the drive, the exclusively through the drive of survival and security, you're leaving a whole lot else on the table.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you that I believe that 90 some greater than 95% of the world lives in the expression of survival and lives in uh in survival mode, only chasing security and certainty.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: And when I start to work with somebody and I start to help them understand what they're really after and get clear about their vision, typically it's only about survival because that seems to be the deepest human uh dilemma is the need for safety, security, and certainty above all else.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: People go where they don't want to go, do what they don't want to do, say yes to what they want to say no to, say no to what they want to say yes to, and just settle for circumstances that don't give them a complete, full, and meaning and rich life just for the sake of security.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And there's so much more to life than that.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: The second drive, and this is the one I said has been demonized and villainized, the second drive, human drive, is self-indulgence.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't know about you, but in my in my Catholic upbringing, wanting anything for yourself, wanting an indulgent life, wanting to uh to to experience indulgence in life was kind of guilted and shamed.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it was almost trying to almost trained out of us.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I I was in Catholic school, it was almost trained out of us like it wasn't okay to want self-indulgence.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where the, like I said, the villainization of the and the demonization of self-indulgence comes from, is is this this thought that wanting awesome stuff for ourselves, wanting to experience the the creature comforts of life, somehow that was wrong.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'll say that if we get lost in self-indulgence, that is a very painful place to be.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: This life is not all about self-indulgence.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: What I often find, and I'm looking at my corporate experience, my corporate history, because I'm gonna I want to tie these together through my experience, is I would be in survival mode about, you know, at the late in the later stages of my of my uh professional ventures when I had four weeks of vacation, paid vacation a year.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: In the later stages, I would spend 48 weeks in survival mode.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then my wife and my kids would go on vacation, and we would go whole hog in self-indulgence mode, and that would shut off the survival instincts, that would shut off the insecurity and the and the pain of insecurity and uncertainty.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I would eat too much, I would drink too much, I would, I would just do nothing too much, and for a week or whatever that that time period was, we went to Mexico.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: My me and my wife and my kids went to Mexico one time for 12 days in a row.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: For 12 days, all I did was over-drink, overeat, and just I was I was a freaking, I was just overly self-indulgent.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: The survival instincts went off that muted that self-indulgence, muted, it was an escape.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: It muted that uh survival, that excess, muted the survival uh signals inside of me.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then when that vacation was over, I went right back into survival mode, right back into the survival drive.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And my whole life was spent like waiting to get to the next level or the next round of self-indulgence.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I endured survival mode until I got to self-indulgence.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then I went into excess.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: I used it as an escape, and then that turned off the signals for survival, and that was like what life was all about.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I see a lot of people in this world toggle back and forth between survival and and uh and the I just lost the words and self-indulgence, survival and self-indulgence.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I I've seen I've witnessed a lot of people toggle back and forth between survival and self-indulgence, thinking that's that that's all there really was to life.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: If you're using self-indulgence as escape or to excess, then you're not expressing a healthy level for that drive.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: You're using it to turn off something that is uncomfortable about your life.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the third drive is where for me, I start to feel a more meaningful existence.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll get to that meaningful word.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: I said a more meaningful existence, but where we we get to experience a more fulfilling, lasting, fulfilling lifestyle.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: And and that drive is the drive for freedom.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I I work with a lot of real estate investors, and and in the real estate investing space, what they say, what they the kind of freedom they talk about is financial freedom and time freedom.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the two freedoms they talk about a lot, over and over.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: Every meetup I've been to, time, freedom, financial freedom, and they repeat those on lockstep.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: But there's so much more to freedom than time, freedom, and financial freedom.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because I do know people and I have worked with people with high levels of time freedom, high levels of financial freedom, but they still had a lot of pressure, stress, intensity, anxiety, overwhelm trapped inside of them.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: They had the time freedom, they had control over their schedule, they had all the money that they needed, but they weren't enjoying it because they weren't truly free.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: But we're conditioned as human beings to think that time and money is all there is.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if we control both of those, then we'll feel free.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just not true.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: The the reality that I've come to and the conclusion that I've come to, and hopefully this connects with.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: With you is real freedom is when there's a sense of pressurelessness in our mind and in our body.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: Pressurelessness that's not coming from escape.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Pressurelessness that's not only derived from self-indulgence.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: Pressurelessness that's not only there on a temporary basis because we dip into self-indulgence, we're comfortable for a while, we feel pleasure for a while.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then when that pleasure goes away, we jump right back into anxiety and angst and fear and doubt and internal chaos.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: When we're truly free, when we're truly experiencing the freedom drive that we all have, that I feel is very, very natural, then a sense of pressurelessness exists in our mind and body.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when that's when we can really enjoy the benefits of security.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's when we can really enjoy and feel and experience the pleasure, the lasting pleasure of life in self-indulgence.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: And we can do it all from a place of pressurelessness.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: But the shadow aspect of that is being detached and isolation and being completely devoid of any responsibility for life or in life.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's just another mechanism of escape, isolation and detachment from life, not feeling free in life.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: Freedom comes when we indulge in life and we experience life, but we don't allow life to create pressure inside of ourselves that we ever feel the need to escape.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: The third drive is the drive for freedom.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: The first drive is the drive for survival.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: The second drive is the drive for self-indulgence, which healthy self-indulgence.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: The third drive is the drive for freedom.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: And the fourth drive, and the one that I've found the most joy and the most fulfillment in is the drive for meaning.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, eight years ago, and I'm talking eight years ago, I read a book by a fellow named uh Joseph Frankel or um Dr.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: Victor Frankel.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: Joseph Frankel.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: I like I like giving authors name the name Joseph.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: But Dr.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: Victor Frankel wrote a book called A Man's Search for Meaning.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: And Viktor Frankel was an Auschwitz captive.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: He was a Jewish prisoner during the Holocaust.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: And he's one of the few that actually went a long time in a concentration camp and actually like survived to tell about it.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: And Dr.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: Victor Frankel was also a uh a psychologist and a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: And he used his time at a concentration camp to study human behavior.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: And what he found was when human beings had some sense of meaning, even when they were in a concentration camp, even when human beings, even captives, when they connected to some higher form of meaning, then they had a reason to live.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: And as soon as their life felt meaningless, they lost that connection with a meaning to live.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the the prisoners that wanted to live would trade their cigarettes for food.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: And the prisoners that were ready, that had lost meaning and were ready to die, traded their uh food for cigarettes.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: And he saw that.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: And he saw the moment that the meaning went away from somebody's life.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: We have a deep drive for meaning.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if we have survival and our security is guaranteed, if we have self-indulgence and we allow ourselves the finer things and the pleasures of life, and we have this sense of pressurelessness.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we're on a deserted island, right, for a for a you know, a long time and we're experiencing all the pleasures and the joys, and you know, we're just there's no pressure, there's no stress, there's no tension.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually there's going to be something that shows up because there's something more to life than just experiencing security and pleasure and pressurelessness.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: There's part of us, there's part, there's a deep part of our consciousness, our being that wants to be meaningful and impactful, that wants to give some value to life, that wants to leave life better than we found it, that wants to be a value add to life, that doesn't just spend their whole lives, we don't just spend our whole life extracting things from life like self-indulgence, but we actually add back to life and give it something that's locked inside of us, that's a treasure that we have to share with life.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: And we do that so that life can benefit from our existence.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: And when life benefits from our existence, we derive some sense of meaning.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: And Viktor Frankel came out of Auschwitz with a manuscript for what became a man's search for meaning, which has sold millions and millions and millions and millions of copies all around the world.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because it shows what human beings are really made of and how a human being can thrive without security and survival in uh with certain, without self-indulgence and without freedom.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: When we connect to meaning at a at the deepest level, we no longer need survival, we no longer need self-indulgence, and we no longer need freedom, it'll mute those.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: But for Victor Frankel, those three went away, but his meaning increased.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're not in a concentration camp, you can have meaning and the others, but have them be a less important, play a less important role in our lives.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's one of these four drives that I feel that everybody wants, but they don't know how to express.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's freedom.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: But when I go out into the world and in the work that I do, when when I share and I talk about freedom, it doesn't really connect.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't really land.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: But when I talk about pressurelessness, everybody can connect with that because the pressure is coming from the survival instincts and the survival urges that are locked in our bodies that keep us needing certainty and needing security and needing survival.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that only keeps us locked in a drive of survival, of security.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody wants pressuressness, but everybody chases survival and self-indulgence, not really knowing what they want.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: But you gotta admit that when I I said that word pressurelessness, yeah, you kind of felt a connection to it, right?
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's because you've been after it your whole life.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you just didn't know what you were after.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: We all want it, but we not all of us can name it, what we're looking for.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's for us to live life and to be devoid of that pressure and stress and attention that can come from life.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, that's what we all want.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: And we've already established that meaning can mute the other three drives survival, self-indulgence, and freedom.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: It can mute it, the the other three.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to, but it can.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: But there's also one that if we only anchor to that to that drive, all the others will be non-existent and they will be muted, but in a very unhealthy way.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that is survival.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: Where meaning is the only one that can alleviate the need for the other three in a very healthy and accretive and a fulfilling way, survival will mute the other three in a very unhealthy, unsatisfactory, unfulfilling, fear-based way.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now, those are the four drives that have shown up in my life.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that connects with you, but I'm gonna leave you with this.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: When I was finished with those four drives, the question I had was, how about love?
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: Where does love fit into this?
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: And and what when I asked an existential question like that, because uh I'm I'm not just a coach and I'm not just a teacher, I literally am an existential philosopher.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: I philosophize over everything and then I bring what I learn into the world.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: But when I asked God and I sat with the question, right, where does love fit into all this?
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: The answer that I received immediately, love is not a drive.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: Love is an expression within the drive.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: In security, love shows up as attachment.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: In in self-indulgence, love shows up as pleasure, giving ourselves pleasure, allowing ourselves to have pleasure, showing ourselves that we love ourselves.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: In freedom, love shows up as acceptance.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: And in meaning, love shows up as devotion, giving the very, very best, devoting the best of ourself to being meaningful, impactful, valuable, and giving in this world.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: Love is an expression, and we get to experience in different ways.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: I've experienced love as attachment, I've experienced love as pleasure, I've experienced love as acceptance, and I've experienced love as devotion.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: And all of them, all of them are telling us something about the drive and the expression of the drive that we're focusing on.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I said I was gonna leave you with the love thing.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: Here's how I'll leave this.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna leave you with a couple questions.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because most people, since most people are trapped in survival mode, I'm gonna ask you a couple questions to allow you to dream deeper and to adjust and to dream more and to get even deeper into what do you really want?
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because most people, when when they develop a vision or when they develop goals, literally it's all about survival mode.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to help you turn off survival mode for a second.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say you have infinite resources and money is no longer an issue.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: Where would you connect with self-indulgence?
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: What would you do with the freedom of pressurelessness?
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: And how would you derive and give meaning in the world?
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you woke up tomorrow and you had another expected, all the hard work that you've ever done in your life have paid off and you added, you woke up, looked at your bank account, and there was another comma and three more zeros behind that comma.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: What would you immediately stop doing in your life?
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: And after you immediately cut those things off because they were obligatory and they were only because of survival mode, what would you add back that would bring you some self-indulgence, that would bring you some freedom, and that would bring you some meaning into this world?
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say that your survival was certain.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: Security was certain, and you didn't need to control anything, and it was all gonna work out for you always.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of life would you live then?
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: Probably would be no longer be a life of security and survival.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: You would enjoy the fruits of the earth more, self-indulgence.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: You would allow yourself to enjoy yourself and your existence and your humanity more, freedom.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I bet you you would find something really, really impactful to give back to this world, meaning.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that would be the fullest expression of love that you can give.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, thanks for listening.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_00: I know this has been a long solo episode, but I feel really good about this, where this is going.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna start developing some framework and some content around this.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've already begun sharing with the world.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: And literally, this stuff is already unlocking potential, power, and purpose in people where they didn't see it before.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna keep unpacking, unlocking this with you.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you come back.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for joining.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you love this, subscribe, like, share, share it with your friends, especially this episode.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: Share it with your friends, share it with the people that you love because this is what's going to change the world.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: Love you.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: See you next week.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed what you heard and you want to learn more, go to www.innerwealthglobal.com for more tools and bring them.