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Parenting Differences · Relationship Coaching Group Podcast

• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Relationship Coaching Group Podcast.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Whether this is your first visit or have been following us, don't forget to download this podcast to reference later, because here we keep it real with scenarios, tips, and suggestions.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Everything relationship centered.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, I'm Roxanne, your relationship coach and host, along with my co-host, the professor.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Together we've been coaching couples and singles for over 20 years, and now we're here to work with you.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: So get ready for today's podcast because we're going to be talking about parenting styles and the differences.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: But before we get started, let's welcome the professor.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, professor.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, my dear.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: How are you today?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing wonderfully well, thank you.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Now, this topic is um yeah.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Believe it or not, folks, parenting, money are some of the top things that we discuss because parents do not communicate enough enough.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: So take it away.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and the question is how can parents work together when they have different parenting styles?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And my first point, did you wanna before I get to my my first bullet?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Communicate, communicate, communicate, and communicate the more.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's one of the big things that if you're gonna have a kid, it look it like this.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: If you're gonna take a vacation, you plan it, right?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: What flight you're gonna take or a boat or a cruise, you plan it.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Then why the hell we don't sit down and talk about what we're gonna do if we have a kid.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well that's that's a good one, Professor.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Plain and simple.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Plain and simple.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: It it should be.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: There there's a lot that goes into raising children.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times they think, oh, we're just I didn't mean to have I didn't mean to get pregnant.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: It just happened.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I'll give you that.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: It does just happen.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, no, that's what they say.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it just happened.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: But while you're dating or you're wherever you are in your relationship and you know it's gonna be going to this level, then that should have been a topic of discussion because everyone has a different parenting style.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was raised differently, you were raised differently.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: We tend to gravitate towards how we were raised, but we leave stuff out because sometimes we're like, well, you know, my mom used to whoop me.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want I'm not whooping my kid, you know?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: So everybody has their different styles of how they want to parent.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: But you need to have that discussion.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, you'll be at the police station picking your kid up from the police station because you didn't spend time talking about this stuff.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And raising raising children, bringing first bringing children into the world needs a plan.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: It really needs to be planned out.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of these young these a lot of these young moms or young ladies, young women, they don't think about we need to plan.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh it's not like we were back in the old days.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: This is not You're sleeping together and with no protection, but you're not understanding the consequences of not planning for a child.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: Until you've had a kid, you will never know.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: You your friends, well, I watched my grandbaby, uh my my f sisters uh uh uh children or whatever, or I've babysat.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's completely different when it's your oh it's totally different.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when I hear people say, Oh, I watched plenty of kids, I watched plenty.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's not the same.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's totally different.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: So you need to have that discussion because times have changed.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like it was in the old days where you had kids and everybody helped.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: Today, parents the parents of these kids today don't want to raise their children.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's what's happening.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times you have grandma, you'll you'll have you'll have the m the the mother of the woman or the grandmother.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Raising the children.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: You see a lot, you see a lot of that.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And in with parenting differences, that ca that can cause a lot of issues.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And the first bullet I want to say is first thing that should be done or taken into consideration is being a united front.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right, Professor?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Say it again.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: First thing that really needs to take into consideration is being a united front.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: That means you have to be on the same page and you have to be steadfast together.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: You have to be locked armed and together because if you're not, that division will show.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely, definitely.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And r resolving parenting disputes behind closed doors.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Do it privately because it it will avoid undermining each other's authority.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: How many times will we tell parents that?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: You cannot have an argument, and it's so easy because you go by the sperm of the moment, you're heated, and it all comes out.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: And your kid is sitting there on the sofa watching cartoons and listening to all everything.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it could it could be about the children or the child, and it and it could just be a dispute that the parents are having in front of the child.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, please just try to practice going into a room and discussing it there, whether it's again, whether it's about the the child or whether it's a dispute that you two are having.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, go go in the garage.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because it confuses the child.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Go in the garage, go in the backyard, go somewhere.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: And if you want to yell at each other, do it that way.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: But you when it comes to kids, you cannot, because that rubs off on the kids.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: They hear all the and you know the F bombs and everything are being dropped.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: And the kids hear all that.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: Monkey see what monkey see do monkeys see, monkey do.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: So when you start cursing, those kids are gonna start cursing.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: And they don't know what it means when you drop drop the F bomb.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And we've seen it on on you on um social media.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: The a little toddler saying curse words.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: And they think it's cute.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: And they're laughing.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: But what they're laughing.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: But when we see it and we hear it, we we don't laugh.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: We go, yeah, you know what's happening in that house.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because it tells on you.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: When your kids are in the street saying uh the B word, the F word.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: And you and you you you put you put your hand on their mouth and pop them on the lip.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Don't say that, don't say that.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: Uh well, your kid is telling on you because that's what they hear at home.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: And you see it in the stores.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: You see it in the stores with uh kids cursing their parents.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And and they're looking in.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: You remember the time when I told you I saw a kid in the grocery store called his mom the B word because he couldn't get what he wanted.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And um right away I'm going, well, wonder where he heard that.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And parents get so embarrassed.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: As I saw one, you know, actually going, this this kid must have been maybe seven, going at his mom.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, just it it it was like it two adults going at each other, and the mom's going back at the kid, the kid's going back at the mom, and the mom it it's all this is what's going on at the home because it's it it didn't surprise the mom at all.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it didn't embarrass her.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: I still remember the speech my mama told me when we go grocery shopping, hold on to the car, don't ask for nothing, don't talk to nobody.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's good parenting.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, good parenting.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: And uh second bullet is parents have to back each other up.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: You expound on that, Professor.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: In a marriage, you guys should be locked arms.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's your ride or die.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: When it comes to parenting, we forget that.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you're a strong married couple, then you should be strong married parents.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and you should be steadfast together because you parents today don't understand is that when you have a child, you're at war with the elements.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because the outside influences is bad enough, let alone the indoor influences.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: Limit the indoor influences so you can just focus on the outdoor influences.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And and you remember what one time we we had this discussion uh with some of our our clients about letting their the phone usage and access to phones and computers and laptops and iPads at a very young age with no filter.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: You what what does a what does a seven-year-old or six-year-old need a cell phone for?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: Please.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: The only thing a seven or six-year-old should have in their hand is a toy or a book or one of those learning computer things that, you know, uh um numbers or something.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: To l to learn something.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like Sesame Street Vampire, you know, one ho.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: But you putting a a tablet in the kids, I can't I can't stress enough how many times we see kids with phones watching cartoons and all that stuff.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: I understand it's a distraction, but when you make it a thing where when you take the phone away, the kid is so unintentional.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh goodness, we've seen that.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: That that's that's your sign.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's telling you that you're giving that kid that phone way too often, and it's so easy to do because it shuts them up so that you don't have to deal with it.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it limits their exposure to communicating with the outside world.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they don't know how to communicate because their face is always in the phone.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: You see that a lot where kids' vocabulary has got less over the years because they spend more time on the tablet or on the phone watching cartoons or you know, so they don't talk with their parents.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: The days when parents sat down and talk with their kids get less and less and less because they come home.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: I like to call them the chicken nugget kids.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: Chicken nugget kids.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't heard that one.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know what those are?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Those are the parents that come home from work, they stop at McDonald's, they get the chicken nuggets, they put them in the sofa, put the cartoons on, the kids are having chicken nuggets and cartoons.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: And that happens all over.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: That happens a lot.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: That does happen a lot.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: And getting back to backing each other up, we've had parents who disagreed with a child having uh their seven-year-old having a phone.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: One agreed one said that they they could, and the other parent said no, they were too young.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And here you ha then you have them going back and forth.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Again, parents really should be on board same page.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Same page, same word, same everything.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you if you're arguing over a kid ha a seven-year-old having a phone and mom thinks it's okay and dad thinks that's the worst thing in the world, then you're both off the you can't blame the kid.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta blame yourselves because that discussion should have been had before even the kid got the phone.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or or even yes, it should be talked about amongst the parents and how to handle that.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Be on the same page.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: And if you back each other off.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: If you're gonna give a phone to a kid in the house or whatever, that that's some time, there's a time limit.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: You got one hour, whatever time you're gonna give them.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: And speak morning till night.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And speaking of phones, you have you know, you see it in the news all the time, middle-aged girls thinking that they're talking to the same age boy, and they sneak out the house never to be seen again because it's it's an over Yes.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Put if you have children, put controls on those phones.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because you can do that.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: Well, every yeah, any type of and and no, uh we have friends, their kids don't have social media, they don't have tablets, they have phones, but when they come in through that coming through that door, that phone goes in the drawer, right?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: Right, exactly control.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: Stop trying to be friends with your kids, be parents.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: I said it.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: You sure I'm gonna get some flack?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: Don't care.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, here we keep it real.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: We keep it real.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: Stop being friends with your kids.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the takeaway: if one parent makes a call, support it in the moment, then discuss it later if you disagree.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Support in the moment, but if you disagree, talk about it later.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can always go back and make that correction.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: You can always modify afterwards, but and disagree in front of the kid, then you've just given the kid more power.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: And they know, okay, well, you know what, we can get away with this.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: Kids are don't think kids are stupid.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: They they learn to manipulate because they they utilize their environment.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: And if you give them the environment for them to manipulate, guess what they're gonna do?
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: They will definitely use the ammo.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: And here's one you like, Professor, avoid the divide and conquer.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let kids pit parents against each other.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that that's what you get when you don't uh when you disagree in front of the child.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Then just what you were saying earlier, Professor, that they'll use that against the parent.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: And the older they get, the worse it gets.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I want to go to the mall with with my friends.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, go at go ask your dad.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: And the dad, the dad says yes, and then and come back, well, dad says yes.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't think it's a good idea.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: So here you here you are.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Well, dad, well, you told me to go ask dad, dad said yes.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I didn't think he was gonna say yes.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: I thought he was gonna say no.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: But um, so things like that, discuss it with let let me check with your dad.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then you go and you talk with with the the dad and come to some agreement, whether it's a no or w or whether it's a yes.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: And if and exactly, you gotta say, you know what, I'll get back to you on it.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: Dad and I will have a conference.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Exact yes.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: And then you go, or mom or whichever one, and you sit together and you say, Okay, look, she wants to go to the mall with her friends, and you might say, Okay, well, she's got two hours.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we'll drop her off, we'll pick her up.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: Boom.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know, or whatever discussion you're gonna have.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: But you have to both be on the same page.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: You have to be locked arm and steadfast and be together.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: That's your ride or die, not just in marriage, but as a parent.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: And uh the and a lot of times you have parents who are not together.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: And one want to be the hero and want to outdo the other one.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: What did we say in the beginning?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: If you haven't set ground rules for parenting before you have a kid, if you if you're having kids before you've had that conversation on how they're gonna be raised and disciplined parents, yes, then you're in trouble because today society has changed so much with the the event now with social media and everything was your kids were exposed to everything.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: So that conversation should have been had.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then if later on down the road it doesn't work, but at least you've had that conversation, both of you should be on the same page.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: And we can't stress that enough.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: We cannot stress that enough that parents have to come together to raise their children that they brought into this world.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: They really need to be in unison.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you, growing up, when I messed up, especially on my street, but I get a pop right in the back of my head from from whoever I I disrespected.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: And by the time I got home, my mama was outside and I got another whooping.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: Then she made me go back down there to apologize.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's called a village which raise a village takes a village to raise a child.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: Now we have don't you look at my child, don't you talk to my child, don't you tell my child what to do.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: We have it takes everybody.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: And you and you have to have that working together.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: You have to have a support group, you have to have family, you have to have your neighbors, because neighbors in a good community to watch out for each other's kids.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: So if your neighbor tells your kid, you know, hey, come out of the road, don't ride your bike in the road, you shouldn't be upset with that.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: You should be going, thanks for watching out from the road.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: Not this crap about, oh uh, don't you talk to my kid.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Don't tell them what to do.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the mom, I'm the dad.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: So it it does take a village.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then we have uh if if situations get out of hand, don't hesitate to seek help with either family counseling, parenting classes, or parenting coaches.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the it situation, especially with single moms and we have single dads, if the kid is out of control and you've done everything that you can to maintain stability structure, then you might need you might need a little help, and nothing's wrong with that.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you want to learn maybe more parenting techniques, there are always parenting classes around, especially through churches or uh community centers.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: So seek seek help.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing's wrong with that.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, when we get when we get ready to have sex, there's no manual or anything like that given to us.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: When we have kids, there's no manual given to you.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: There's no handbook.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: I think, this is me personally, I think every parent should go and have parenting classes to get you started.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Right, especially now because the parents are the moms and dads are getting younger and younger.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: So you might need some tips, especially if there's nothing wrong with that.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: Going to a class to get tips and tricks to help you.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: And and if you see that your your communication with your kids is not going where you need it to be, then get some help.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: Early.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because what what was happening in the past, say 40, 50, 60 years ago, is not happening now.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: You had grandmas, you had aunties, you had the whole community where people lived close in proximity together.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: But now kids are going off, other states, other countries.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't have that network anymore.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it it it's it's not easy raising children.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: You can't just have kids today.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: You have to plan to have kids because if both of you have and you've careers and all these things going on, you have to just stay childcare by itself is how much, what, six hundred or two.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's some uh a week, sometimes it's it's ridiculous.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they're they're paying three thousand dollars for the month for child for uh child care.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: So and govern the there used to be state assistance, but I think I don't know how that's going right now with in this in the in the US.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how that if that assistance is still available.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: But we that's why we say you gotta have that conversation.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: When you're dating and you see it going serious, that conversation should be you know early, actually.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: If it's something you you want kids.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: Let's say as a woman you want kids or a man you want kids, but the person you're with doesn't want kids, then you need to establish that right away.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because then that way you're not wasting each other's time.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: You say, listen, okay, let's go about our business.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: And if that's been established, then you need to have the parenting conversation.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: Are we gonna be the same parents?
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: Are we gonna be on the same page?
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because now, especially again, a lot of times children aren't planned.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: There's a the financial issue, there's uh education that well and all this takes finances to educate them to hot uh um doctors if they if they get sick.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: The average person will be using public school for their kids.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm sure I'm gonna get some flack for this.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: If I was a young man today having kids, I wouldn't be sending my kids to private to public school.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'd I'd either homeschool them or send them to uh private school.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to think about that.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you're gonna have kids, every parent, I don't care who you are, when you have kids, you want your kids to be better than what you Right.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: Better opportunities to be more successful, everything than you.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: And and again, a a lot of times you don't expect the babies to get sick.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: And again, with healthcare situation, I I you know, that's kind of That's all I believe.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: So today, being a parent today is way harder.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's very hard.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: So what's your next one?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's um do you have any more tips or suggestions or comments on parenting?
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: We could talk parenting.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, because this is such a big topic, and we'll probably do other ones on parenting.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: But just to get you started, communicate, communicate, communicate before you start doing the the the booty clapping and everything else.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, I'm just saying what it is.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: You talk about think about that if that does happen and you have a child, because you could end up being a single parent or a single dad or whichever it is, there has to be a planning place.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: You can't just fly by the seat of your pants and hope that it's gonna work out.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: Today it's so hard.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: It is very hard.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's very hard.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: So even how many single mothers do you talk to in a month?
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: I would say 80% of the women that I speak with are single moms.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not fun, it's just issue after issue.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: So please, you have first first of all, we say plan if you want children, can afford children, plan for them.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: And don't have kids for a man because you think it's gonna keep them around.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't work.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: If you're having a child, it's you're having a child because you've planned to have a child.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_01: Try your very best not to get pregnant, uh, and a man needs to try his best wear protection and everything else, just like your mama told you.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: But because when you see a man that he's looking that he's now not interested in you and looking to look elsewhere, then we decide that we're gonna have a child to try and keep them.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't work.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: No, it it never did, and it it still doesn't.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then they leave, and now you're a single mom and your life has turned upside down.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, because you will be the the one, the main one having to raise the child.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're going to school, you're in college or whatever, then you need to take every damn precaution there is because having a kid while you're in school.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's hard.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's hard.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: Because then you want to pawn that poor kid off on your grandparents and your mama, and when the parents say to you, No, this was your decision, you can't be mad at your parents.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: So take take precaution.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: Being a parent is not for the faint of heart.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: It uh it it takes a strong It's hard work.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's yes, it takes both parents to make it work.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's things that a daughter needs from her dad to give her the the direction.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: A son needs things from a mother to give him direction.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: Each parent gives their kids the tools needed to go through life and make decisions with relationships and everything else.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: So this is why you have to have a two-parent family in order to raise kids that can tackle what society has in store for them.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: And more than likely be you know, be successful in in life.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: So the bottom line is communicate, communicate, communicate, yes, plan, plan, plan.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: And and if if you are a parent, to if you're parenting together, whether whether it's in the same household or parenting in separate households, just be together.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Just come together and make decisions together about raising your children or your child together is is the best way um to support this this growing child.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: And here's here's one that we we didn't cover, and that is when you're a single mom and or a dad and you bring somebody else into the household.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: The same way, if that needs to be discussed on before you bring any person into your household, because you find a lot of more with women, when a man says, Oh, you shouldn't do this.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: Don't tell my child what to do.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: He's not your kid.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: No, if that man is in your house helping you raise that child and paying for that child, yeah, I'm sorry.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: He may have some some input, yeah, but that needs to be discussed before you bring him bring him in.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: And especially for men, as if a man is going into that relationship, he needs to have that discussion.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: And if you haven't had discussion.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: With the woman as well.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, exactly.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: This is why a lot of men don't want to take on single women, is because of that.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_01: They have not had that discussion.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_01: Single women with kids, you mean?
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, single women.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's what I meant.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you say single They they want they want a single woman, but sometimes they don't want a single woman with children.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where you have to have that community.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: The man and the woman have to have that communication.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you're bringing in if you're bringing a man into the household, the discussion of parenting has to be discussed with what what type of limits they may have, whether it's the man coming in or whether it's a woman coming into um a father situation.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: That that really needs to be discussed.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: So any other points, Professor?
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: No, we could be here with Diana.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I know.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it could go, it could go on, yes, it could it could tag on of many different ways.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: But to wrap things up, successful co-parenting with different styles isn't about one person winning.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's about building a unified bridge between two different approaches.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: By prioritizing consistent communication, supporting each other in front of the children, and focusing on shared values, you turn a potential source of conflict into a balanced environment for your child or children.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: Let me say that again.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: By prioritizing consistent communication, as you say, professor, communicate, communicate, communicate, supporting each other in front of the children, and focusing on shared values, you turn a potential source of conflict into a balanced environment for your child or children.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: Bottom line, parent as a team.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: Differing approaches are normal and don't signal a failure in co-parenting.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, they can teach children adaptability by exposing them to diverse perspectives.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, if you have a disagreement or a different approach in parenting, it it's okay as long as you come together because the child will see that, okay, there is a difference, but they're working together.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, mom is has a different approach when she's by herself with the children or or with the child.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: And when dad comes in, it's a totally different approach as well.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: But they see both both um aspects of parenting.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: Mom's a little softer, dad's a little firmer, and sometimes mom's a little firmer and dad's a little softer, but it bal it balances as long as there's no arguing in front of the child.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: The child sees the different approaches in parenting, and it's appreciated.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: And they it they they grow into that fact that there is a difference.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, parents, your partner is not your enemy.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_01: A teen.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_01: You're a team together to raise a child, to prepare them for success.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and you want your child to be successful.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: So do that together.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: It takes two people you're two strong parents to do that.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, along with hope, you know, what's a blessing is when there's outside help too, from either the parents or grandparents or uncles or aunties.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_01: Now we had a podcast about outside influences.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_01: Again, when your parents and grandparents are all gonna want to chime in, listen to what they have to say, but take what you think will work for you and apply it.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_01: As as the the parenting.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: As co-parenting.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: Take what outside influence is sharing, right?
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: But take what think you think will work for you and apply it into your dynamics.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because you remember, grandparents and parents are always gonna think their way is best, but you have to take what works for you.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, parent as a team.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because as Professor said, the uh other parent parents, you're not parenting one against the other.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: Parent together.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: This isn't gladiators, yeah.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's parents.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, be parents, don't argue in front of your kids, love your kids unconditional and and help them to be successful.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if if all that that said, we will conclude today's podcast.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: We want to thank you for being a part of the relationship coaching group community.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if today's com conversation resonated with you, remember that strong relationships don't just happen, they're built with awareness, communication, and the courage to grow together.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: And if you enjoyed this episode, make sure to follow the podcast so you don't miss future conversations about dating, relationships, emotional growth, and building deeper connection.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if you know someone who might benefit from today's topic, share this episode with them.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you can find us at relationshipcoaching group.com where you'll be able to get our uh emails so you can email suggestions, questions, tips.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: And until the next time, speak your needs clearly, listen without interrupting, and remember, you're not alone.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: Together, we got this.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_01: We got you.