Latest / The Breakfast Club / Best of full interview: Jordan Carlos On Becoming A Better Partner, Emotional Maturity, New Book 'Choreplay' + More

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Best of full interview: Jordan Carlos On Becoming A Better Partner, Emotional Maturity, New Book 'Choreplay' + More · The Breakfast Club

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: Every day, pick yours up the breakfast club.
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: I'm finish for y'all. Dumb yup.
• 0:07
  Speaker 4: It's the world most dangerous. Want to show to breakfast club.
• 0:08
  Speaker 4: Charlamagne the God just hilarious. Envya is out, but Lauren
• 0:11
  Speaker 4: la Ross is in and I got my guy man,
• 0:14
  Speaker 4: Guy Cold alumni. I affectionately call him Counsel Council because
• 0:18
  Speaker 4: of our days on Guy Court. Jordan Carlos is here.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Good to be here, Good morning morning.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: Hold show up, put your play up here, so the people,
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: it was right there.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: It's right there. Oh, thank you very much. I appreciate it.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I thought it was genius for what the book is
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: actually about.
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, or play the marriage saving magic of
• 0:36
  Speaker 4: getting your head out your ass.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, firmly at your ass, squarely at your ass. It's
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: what saved my marriage. And it's funny because I don't know,
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: I mean, like this is this is a very like
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: it's challenging for men. But I'm going to tell you
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: what I found out was the bar is in hell
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: for men when it comes to just like cleaning up
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: around the house, and we trip over it all the time.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: So I thought, I mean, I'm not telling you anybody
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: how to live. But I'm just telling people, like, have
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: you considered this. I'm not an expert or anything like that.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: I'm just a veteran of the wars out here and
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I'm lucky to be married still, and i just want
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: to share that information with.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: It because you said your own book saved your marriage.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah for real, like like that's what it did. It's
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's crazy when I when I sat down,
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: because writing a book, as you know, as you know,
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: like takes deep meditative thought and you really self reflect
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: and you see yourself in the mirror and there's no
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: getting away from it. So that's what That's what it
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: really was. It just, oh man, I had to think deeply.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: I looked up like invisible work. Let me just man,
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: explain invisible work to y'all real quick. I'm just kidding,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: but like people don't know what it is. It's that
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: work that my mom put in, that my grandmother put in,
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: like taking care of my mom, taking care of my
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: grandmother while she held down a job. And you know,
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: like my dad great guy, but didn't contribute in the
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: ways that he maybe could have and stepped up. And
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: that's I mean that kind of thing like learning about that,
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: learning about executive function and what women go through all
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: the time was so like my eyes are open.
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, women are better cleaner.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, so much clean, but my brother is so much more.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: He read the whole book, and that's that's.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: That's exactly the one thing you can never conquer is
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: men like the brains and how small they be. True,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: He's a perfect example of it. He read the whole book.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I'm sure, front the back.
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: And look, I'm not saying that we shouldn't participate. I'm
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: just saying women are better clean.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Well, they are left to do these things. They're left
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: to do these things, right. So I mean, for instance,
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: like when I have Thanksgiving back in Texas, like I
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: noticed my baby cousins. The male ones do not have
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: to watch it this is but the teenage girls they're like, okay, baby,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: let's go to work now, you know. And it's like
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: the boys are always the game is on, right, so
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: it's like.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: They hunt the food.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: They didn't go shopping those teenage it's.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: The cart now, so you ain't even how to carry
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: the groceries.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: Yes, I use instat cart. There's no better time to
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: be a slob. Than right now because technology is caught
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: up with you. I'm sorry, but no, no, no, you're fine.
• 3:10
  Speaker 5: But no, that's not all men, though, because my dad
• 3:12
  Speaker 5: when I grew up, I remember my dad was the
• 3:15
  Speaker 5: one who cleaned. My mom cooked you that.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: You know, they both made the home.
• 3:18
  Speaker 5: You know, with my dad O c D like anything
• 3:20
  Speaker 5: out of place, he fixing it. He's like wiping down
• 3:23
  Speaker 5: count the top, you know.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: So that doesn't go for you know, all men, it
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: does not, It does not know.
• 3:27
  Speaker 5: I heard you say that this book saved your marriage
• 3:29
  Speaker 5: where you was she on the way out the door,
• 3:31
  Speaker 5: like you were about to lose her because you also
• 3:32
  Speaker 5: it's also like a testament to knowing what you got
• 3:35
  Speaker 5: before it's gone.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, lose before you lose it. I mean, this
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: is what happened, right, So COVID happened. We were busy
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: before COVID, before COVID got cold, was popping, Everything was
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: going on, and then everything stopped. And when the tide
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: goes out, you see the rocks, right, And that's that's
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: what happened. I was at home, I was not working,
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: but I also was a stranger in my own house
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: because I was not contributing. I was mad that I
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: wasn't working and and that was like I was like
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: given into like man child vibes and things like that,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: and my my wife was no longer having it right
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: because I was not contributing to the household. And so
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: like with that said, uh I, there was also another
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: divorce that happened in our family, and I was like
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: front row tick, like front row seats to that. And
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: I did not want that at all. And it was
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: not because of infidelity, as I wrote in the book,
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: it's because I mean it studies showed that it's commitment.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: So it's like he wasn't doing anything, and if you're
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: just like an over aged child, you're gonna get kicked
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: out of the nest. And that's what happened to him.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: And I was like, I don't want that at all.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: What can I do? I was listening to so it's
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: like there was nothing dramatic, you know, and that's what
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: really kills a lot of marriages. It's like it's nothing dramatic.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: It's just it's just this kind of situation that.
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: You're staying in the house and doing nothing during COVID.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: It is so selfish.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: You brought me up, You brought me here in good faith. Bro,
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: you making let me tell you yeah. No, no, no, no,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: no no, let me counsel, counsel, let me cover his mic. No,
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying this is what I mean. It was. Yes,
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: in part it was COVID, but at the same time,
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: I could have translated that into helping out. I was
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: watching my wife pick up laundry, take it upstairs, take
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: it downstairs, watching her do the dishes and everything like that,
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: you know, watching her take care of the dog, dust
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: in the corners, watching, watching, and just like doing nothing.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: And after a while that repetition erodes the integrity of
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: a relationship. Man Like, little by little did it?
• 5:37
  Speaker 5: Were you emotionally disconnected? Mentally disconnect? Like how did you
• 5:40
  Speaker 5: just sit you do that? Like we're you're going through
• 5:43
  Speaker 5: your own funk of not working and you were just
• 5:45
  Speaker 5: like in a miserable state where you couldn't even help yourself,
• 5:48
  Speaker 5: So how could you help her?
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Right? I think I was. I was definitely there, But
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: I was also I stay on ready mode. And that's
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: that's something I write about in the book, is like
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: guys are always like we're always we have like John
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: Wick fantasies I'm ready to fight. If she asked me
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: to take the trash out, I'll do it, no problem.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: It's nothing but like, yeah, yeah, that's us. But but
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: but to be reminded of the thing. I was always
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: being reminded of the thing. So I started reminding myself.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: It was just a small switch. I saw that divorce.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: I said, this is what the guy was not doing
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: and not bringing to the table. I was like, okay,
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: let me flip this, and just I know when trash
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: night is. It is Tuesday night, So let me just
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: go do it, you know, like bring the receptacles back
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: on Wednesday morning. Like that's I knew to do that
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: because I've seen her do it, So just do it.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: And like I cannot tell you, Like there's that Maslow's
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: pyramid of needs, right, and like the basic basic needs
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: are taken care of and then you can get to
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: self actualization. But if your basic needs aren't taken care of,
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: then you can't feel safe. Right, So that's what I was, like,
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: I was ignoring that about her. So when like, I mean,
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: another part of the book is smashing, So I'm sorry
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: to look at you during that. Yeah. So anyway, she's
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: a big part of the book. But like, but but
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: she wasn't she wasn't down to clown as much when
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: the house wasn't in order, right, So I was looking
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: at that, studying that, and that's people need safety. They
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: need security deep down. It's that cave man part of you.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: And so when that happened, it was like to get
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: in the mood, to get in the mood play. I
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: was just like, I mean, I was trying.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: You can't say smack, you can't say having well, he.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: Can't we make love. But I'm messing. I'm all right.
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: So the book is really good, though, man, I just
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: I just don't want you to be too hard on yourself,
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: Like when you talk about how you used to see
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: her cleaning and you know you feel like you didn't help.
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: It's like, yo, if when you saw Leonardo DaVinci doing
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: the morning you say, hey, let me get a brushing,
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: No you, let's let him math to do work.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: No hold on you saying let her cook, charlam But
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: how are you okay? But you're married too? This is wild,
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: all right? So so I feel like, thank you, Charlemagne.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: That's that's called I mean, that is called like when
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: you when you pretend to be incompetent in something, right.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: So it's like Tom Sawyer right, like, I can't. I
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: can't do that. I can't. I can't let her white
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: watch defence. I got to jump in there if I
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: know what I'm doing, because what's cute in your twenties
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: is not cute in your forties. Like I watched football
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: every Sunday. I watch my Cowboys for no good reason
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: every Sunday. And she was fine with that in my twenties,
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: but then in my forties she's like, why don't you
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: take the kids to this or that? You know they
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: got practiced together. Yeah, yeah, show.
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: No what happened? You know I'm a Cowboy fan too.
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: They got to give up the Cowboy and Jordan. This
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: is a bit crazy, yo, the game.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: I know, he like why I was all during the week.
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: I did everything I'm supposed to do during the week,
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: and I can't watch that game.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: I don't want to say it. I don't want to
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: sound like stephen A, but like, what have the Cowboys
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: done for you lately? The Cowboys? What have the Cowboys
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: done for you lately? I mean I'm talking to Okay,
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: we can leave the Cowboys out like a Jets fan
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: should be out with his family in the fall. They
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: should be picking apples and going on hikes and canoe
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: And what are you doing at Matt Life? Like you right,
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: don't feel.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: Like there's like I mean, and I know you talk
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: about kind of like the give and takes in the book,
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: but there aren't like giving takes. It's like, all right,
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: like I can understand Sunday is the day that you
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: want for that as well as much as you can
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: understand cleaning the bathroom. I know you have your list
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: in this book and you talk about cleaning just the
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: tub out after you. That helps me a lot. It's
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: give or take. So do you, guys, what was your
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: give or take in your marriage? After writing this book?
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: If you couldn't have football on Sundays, what was she
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: willing to be? Like? All right, bet, I'm gonna let
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: you have that.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: And let me just say this, My situation was unique.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: I had to quit Like that was like a tournique.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: I had to I had to fix this so I
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: could fix a bigger thing. I'm not saying like everybody's
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: got to quit watching football. You could stand to watch
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: home games, you could stand to watch away games like
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: like you could pick, you know, or like just take
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: take take a weekend off. That's all I'm saying. I
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: would say that my give and take is this, I
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: have a lot time for myself now because this book
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: is about time management as well, and I a lot
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: time for myself. I wake up at five am. I've
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: already been up for hours today, so, like you can tell,
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling hype. So this that time I have for
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: myself is mine and mine alone. I usually go to
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: the gym, workout, whatever it is. But but if I don't,
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: if I on a rest day, I'll watch like a
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: series I haven't watched yet because I can't watch it
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: around my kids. Maybe it's just like cursing in it
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: or something like that. So it's like I have my
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: time to do what I want to do. I get
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: to read, that's my hour, you know. So that's my
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: give and take. And yeah, I mean look, sometimes of
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: course I watch Cowboys, So what do you have to
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: do to earn it's out but his household. It's a vibe.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: a vibe. We don't That's what the book's about. Too.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: It's a vibe. I mean, I like a lot of
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: books out there that tell you what to do. I
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: was inspired by Eve Rotzky's fair Play, right, but I
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: was like, that's too rigid. That's too rigid. And at
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: the end of the book, I'll just point this out
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: and say, at the end of that book, she's like,
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: all right, ladies, now get out there and save your marriage.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: And I was like, damn, this wasn't even written for me.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: This is written for somebody else. So what's what what
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: would a male do? Right, I'm like, I'm going to
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: change my vibe. That's what I'm gonna do. Okay, So
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: I can't have I don't get by with charts in
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: the wall and things like that and gold stars because
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: that's for somebody else's approval. What's my approval matrix? What
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: do I believe in? What's my standard? So that's kind
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: of where it is for me, Like she, I mean,
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: like I could watch football if I wanted to, but
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I want to take my kid to Governor's Island.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: I want to go hiking one Sunday. I don't want
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: to give it more money to Jerry Jones, Like Jerry
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: he's fine, you know what I'm saying. So it's like,
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: you know, he's fine, what am I doing for me?
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: So? Uh that's that's really what it is. It's like, yeah, how.
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: Long did it take you to save your marriage? You
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: said it saved your marriage, but like how what was
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: that process like? And how long was it?
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: To be honest, I would say like it took about
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: six months to write things. Right. So there was this
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: guy that was famous in the mom's group in Brooklyn.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: His Uh so he's Canadian, So it's suspect anyway, but
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: he's so that's why. But we learned a lot from
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: Canadian get universal health care, you know, all that kind
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: of stuff. So anyway, he he was famous among the
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: moms are like, oh, Hugh, he was a good guy. Hugh. Oh,
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: he's the best. Like he makes coffee every morning for
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: his wife. Makes coffee. That's it. One cup, that's it.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: So I asked him, like, what do you do you
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: grind the beans? Do you make like a latte, cappuccino? Whatever?
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: The phone designs? He's like, man, folder's crystals, folder's crystals
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: and that's it. The bars in hell, right, So for
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: that the man is famous. So I was like, I'm
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: gonna do the same thing. So I did that. It's
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: low hanging fruit. I did the same thing. It was
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: hard to wait in the morning before my wife, but
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: I did it, and I kept doing it. I did
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: it like one day, three days, seven days. I do
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: it like this is the only one I couldn't do it.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: Canada to tell you that the best part of waking up.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Is yeah, yeah, for real. I mean he showed me.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: He gave me the like Prometheus fire like. I was like,
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: I was in the dark about it, you know, And
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: it was the guys were dwindling down in that group
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: we have like a Friday kind of like hangout, and
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: it was just me and him left. I was like, damn,
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: I had to know the secret. After that, I'd seen
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: so many we lost so many good men out here
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: Sean like Vietnam. You heard that was the secret? Just
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: just Christmas.
• 13:46
  Speaker 5: Like, even with this whole progress, when you think back
• 13:49
  Speaker 5: on it, right, things that you weren't doing versus now
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: that you are doing it, do you ever say, like, damn.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: It really wasn't that hard all the time.
• 13:56
  Speaker 5: And I don't know, did you ever think also, like
• 13:59
  Speaker 5: why do guys expect extra credit for doing the bare
• 14:02
  Speaker 5: minimum anyway.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Because I mean that's I want my ticket tape parade,
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, Like I really do. Like
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: like I mean, I did the dishes before I left
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: this morning, and I had to fight. It was like
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: fighting for my life not to be like, babe, you
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: appreciate those dishes? Was done? This why she didn't care?
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: You know, like or you got to give yourself an
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: out of Boy, I gamify everything and I'm like, Okay,
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: let me see if I can get a load in
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: before like a laundry and before I hit the you
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: know like leave the house, go to the office, whatever
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: it is. So it's just like, what is the vibe
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: for you? I mean I had to also stop being
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: and stop wanting to be mothered, you know, like because
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: that's someone getting mad at you for not straightening up.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: Feels like that's me just like reliving the dynamic I
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: had with my mom. And I love my mom, you know,
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: but I don't. But marrying somebody is not substituting your mother,
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. It's just like it's a partnership. Yeah,
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: so that's absolutely but just like how do you nurture yourself?
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: What do you want? Do you see yourself? You know,
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: like for instance, like I had to get a fade yesterday,
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: but I did it. Not my wife always being like
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: your wolf and like your edges this and that. You know,
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: like like stop, what do you want? You know when
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: you know when it's time to do something?
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: And do you feel like that came from your father
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: not contributing as much or not being or.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: Was he my dad?
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: My dad?
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: My dad? My dad actually was not around. He was.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: He's a doctor. He's at the hospital all the time.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: So it's actually like a positive reason, you know what
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: I'm saying. So, but he was. He was taking care
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: of women for so long and like as a obg
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: y n and it's crazy. He was also like instrumental
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: playing parenthood in Dallas for work where I'm from, and
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: then he come home and it's like you can be
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: an ally in the streets but not in the sheets,
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: you know, Like my dad would just be watching ESPN two,
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: watching boxing and just like having a steak and and
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: like not giving a damn about what the state of
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: the house was.
• 16:06
  Speaker 5: So he was Cliff Heathcliff Huxtable outside the house.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, well we could pick another doctor. Uh, I
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: got you, I got you. I was like Justice, I knew,
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: I knew just.
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: I don't think that's man.
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: Your father Georgia Man is in Dallas, Texas taking care
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: of Vagina's all over Dallas and he comes home and
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: just wants to relax for a second, and he getting
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: flag about not taking out the trash minutes.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: Well, no, no, no, no no, I'm just saying I love
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: my dad. He's the most generous guy out there. But
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: like that's what was model for me. Like you could
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: have with what I detail in the book as a
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: greedy job. And the greedy job is just a job
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: that eats up your time. It's not about money. So
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: my dad had a greedy job as a doctor.
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: He was a public servant. He's a doctor. God or
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: your father.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: We love my dad, Joseph Carliss, I love you, MD,
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: I love you. No, no, no no, I'm not saying that.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying that you you become what you behold.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: So I'm I'm that was model for me. So that's
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: that's what I did. And it was repeated. And my
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: wife is a professor too, and she holds down her
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: job and does all these things. But I was still like,
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: just like, Okay, what did dad do? That was it?
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: That's yeah?
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: So would you talk about what she brought in the
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: Cosby Show and you talk about like even media and
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: like your mom taking you to go see mister momah,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: and like kind of some of I thought that the
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: conversation that you were gonna have after that was a
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: lot different than the one that you actually have. And
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: I won't give it away, but I guess talk a
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: little bit about going to see that movie and how
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: that resonates with you as an adult, because I thought
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: that your take on it was kind of interesting of
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: why your mom took you to see that movie.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: I think my mom took me to see that movie
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: because it just spoke to her, because it's a reversal
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: mister Mom. If you don't know, it's like Michael Keaton
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: in the early eighties, like he loses his job or
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: whatever because the factories are all moving to Japan. So
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: he he is at home as as so he's mister
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: Mom and his wife goes out to work and lo
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: and behold, he can't do anything around the house at all.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: But the man was like an engineer, like he understood
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: how like a combustible engine work, but he can't make
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: a popcorn fire work. And I'm just like, this is
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: the dumbest movie of all time. But it's like, but
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: it plays into the stereotype of the useless man, right,
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: And so my mom was laughing the whole time, laughing
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: the whole time because I could see that, you know
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: that that reflected my dad at home. You know what
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: I'm saying. You could be a genius out there but
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: not get or understand, like when my dad used to
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: be like, hey, what a scissors that?
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: Like the sisters have been in the same door for
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: ten years. He doesn't, he doesn't, you know what I'm saying,
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: Like like so that kind of thing.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: But for the women's women are usually out of CEO
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: at the house.
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: Women are the CEO of the house. I mean especially
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: my wife. My wife is from Brooklyn. My wife, my
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: wife went to public school the whole life. Magna cumb
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: Lottie from Smith and a PhD. She's a feel general.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. I am a good lieutenant
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: and a good lieutenant the field general knows the playbook
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: because she wrote it. Just so Ben, she can't do everything.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: That's that's that's all I do, like a good shortstop.
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: You described play as a marriage manual disguise this comedy.
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: Why do you think so many men need humor and
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: the entry point before they can even hear a relationship?
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: Sorry, I love you. Actually you describe it that's that.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: But you said I did, Yeah, yeah, I appreciate you.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: I appreciate you.
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: He'd be writing and reading so much.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: I know. All right, So so say one more time
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: because I was like, yeah.
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: And I described it as a marriage man Yeah, this comedy.
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: But I say, why do you think men need humor
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: as the entry point before they can even hear relationship?
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: Because we got to sneak the veggies. We have to
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: sneak the veggies no matter what. I don't want to.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: I don't And by the way, a lot of men
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: are doing a lot of things out there and and
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: busting their ass. But like, but so I give men
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: credit for that. Nobody would stay with you for a
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: long time most times unless you were doing some thing.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: But I think that we get tripped up because we
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: feel as though maybe masculinity gets in the way, like like,
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: that's why we need a little humor. Masculinity gets in
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: the way. Like I met this guy on vacation and
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: this guy was like next door to us, and he
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: was staying like a door down and he was a
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: colonel in the army. I asked him what kind of
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: would he do as colonel? He was like, I was
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: a quartermaster. I was like, what's a quartermaster? He's like,
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: quartermaster just like make sure that the troops and everything
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: have the food, the ammunition, the supplies they need to
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: do whatever.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh okay, So he's like, I'm a
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: quartermaster at my own home too. I was like, oh okay.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: So I took that idea because I also, I mean,
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: I am in touch more I guess with like my
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: feminine side, but like I do have thin skin as
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: a man, so I had to like I was like,
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna be the quartermaster at my house too. So
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: that's what I needed, you know. I think men need that.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: They need to just make sure that it translates to
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: something they can understand and take in. Because the guy
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: said Poleon said that army eats or marches on its stomach,
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: so like, so having having supplies, having resources ready for
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: my family my wife. Whatever that makes me feel. It
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: makes me feel like more of a man, and it's
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: and it and it does it in a way that
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: is not harmful to my wife, to her feminity, to feminism.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: Whatever doesn't matter, It doesn't disrupt, you know.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: And I like that what age of like men do
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: you think will actually get this book? Because you're talking
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: about being in touch with your feminine side and all
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: these things, and like, I think that that's a most
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: men don't get there for a while, Like yeah, what
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: what where did you? When did you get to this point?
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: I mean, I've always charlete you, I've always been a
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: different kind of cat, you know, It's like it's that's
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: just who I am. But like my mom raising more
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: than my dad, So I understood women more and like women,
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: you know, I think they're great. Like a lot of
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: guys don't even like women.
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: You know, like post people don't exactly exactly.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Exactly, but even that, you know, like yeah, but even
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: even in that, you know, when you have guys that
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: our allies like whatever you want to call it at home,
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: they just it doesn't translate. Yeah, And so I think
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: that that happened to me in my forties it's a
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: late awakening. That's why I wrote the book right now.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: I had to, you know, like because I thought I
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: was doing fine. I thought it was fun. Just therapy, therapy,
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: self realization therapy can only do so much, right, I mean,
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not an expert. It could only do so much
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: for me because we were talking and talking and talking
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: in circles. This is just a book about like have
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: you tried this? You know, like have you tried this
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: like from experience, from my experience? Have you have you
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: tried vacuuming without being asked? Have you tried the line
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: like I already did that, you know and seeing what
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: that does to your person? Have you tried like we
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: always go to like wonderful gatherings, parties in the summertime, spring,
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: whatever it is, barbecues, cookouts. Kids are there, families there,
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: everybody's there when it's time to go home. My wife's
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: always the one that says it's time to go home.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: How have I done that? I did that for her
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: as free, you know, I was like I flipped it
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: and it was like babe, like we gotta you know, school,
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: we gotta get yeah, we gotta go, we gotta go.
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: And like to see her when you never wanted to
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: go to begin with, should you give me? Should you
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: give her credit for one when you never even wanted
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: to go?
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: Like we were having such a connective moment right there.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: We was like like elevating, elevating, but that's free. You
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: you can say it's time to go. You could, but
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying it's for free. You could do that,
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: And it's like it's so easy. It's like the little
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: things low hanging fruit around the house. Because I was
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: not ready for like big, big, big change, but I
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: wanted to change. I'm not good with big change. I'm
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: good with granular kind of change, like like, uh so
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: what I did was just like checked. I remember once
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: I was in the bathroom, I just checked the T
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: P role. I was like, oh man, that's I should
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: change that. So like so just like yeah, I'm just
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: that that's easy. I'm like, yeah, yeah, exactly. You know,
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: you leave it with one little little paper on a roll,
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: not helping nobody. Right, So so we got, you know,
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: two bathrooms in the house. Not trying to brag. So no,
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: in my I'm live in New York City, in my
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: entire house, so it's easy to I'm saying, that's what
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: it's easy to do. Yeah, not trying to break, so
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: it's easy to do, you know, doing that, And then
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: I was like, then I like I wanted to snack.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: I checked in the refrigerator. I'm like, we running low
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: on OJ, So checking your levels. I always say like
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: that in the book, I said, the devil's in the levels.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: So checking the ODJ, the milk, the these are all
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: things that she would do. She'd be like, we gotta
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: get milk. We gotta get milk, you know, like on
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: the way home. And I'd be like milk, you know,
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: but like you know what I mean, but like we
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: can never go straight home. So so now I do that, right,
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: I check the levels, the olive oil whatever it is,
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: the butter. Because my daughter is a baker, she'd be baking,
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: like we run a little bodega basically our and our place,
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: like she's always we're running out of everything. So that's
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: that's like that was easy to do for me.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 25:01
  Speaker 5: I love I loved the accountability on your part of
• 25:03
  Speaker 5: everything that you're accepting everything that you changed. Was there
• 25:05
  Speaker 5: anything that you felt like she needed to change or
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: you know, just.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: So confident. Yeah, a couple of things. Let me see, no,
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: she yeah, because when you have that, she possessed that
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: image as the person who had it all under control,
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, And that can be I understand.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: My wife grew up in Brooklyn, like her parents were
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: like radicals and hippies, and they had like a townhouse
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: and they rented it out and she had one small
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: space and order gave her peace, you know, in this
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: kind of chaotic environment. And so the only the only
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: thing she had to change was letting go of the
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: fact that maybe I could handle things, she.
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: Doesn't have to do it all by herself. And that's
• 25:55
  Speaker 5: how she's been pretty much all her life.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, So just taking things off people's plate can be
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: tough because it's almost existential, Like if I'm not doing
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: at all, then what what am I doing? You know?
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: So like little by little, and we get competitive with
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: it because she's from New York, so you know, like
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: from me, I'm from Texas. I'm from Texas. Yeah. From
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: the boy, I'm from Dallas. So I had no choice.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: I got to be a cowboys for this can be
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: next year, Okay, So.
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: I want to send you a lot of guys providing financially. Yes,
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: what's the difference between a provider and being an actual partner?
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: Wow? Okay, so yeah, a partner is just one who,
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: like like I said before, I'll return to it, just
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: takes things off the plate when you're when you're just
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: adding money. I've done that. I've just I mean like
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: I've added funds and then just been like leave me alone,
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: right and not not not so forcefully, but like, but
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: that was the vibe.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: You can go buy the milk. You could go buy
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: the milk, to go to the store to get it too.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't have the time, you know what I'm saying,
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: Or like I didn't know like my kids teachers' names.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: Shout out some smeter, you know, shout out some strain,
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: Like I didn't know my kids teacher's names. I wasn't invested.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: I figured that that absolved me. I could buy out
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: of it, you know, and like I think a partnership
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: you do that in more like you and it feels good.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: It feels good to have like inside jokes about like
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: what our kids discard in their lunch and what they
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: eat and how they be coming back with different food
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: than what we put in the lunch box. I'm like,
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: what happened? That's what they do?
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: Kids do that.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: I know, I know, but I put carrots sticks in there,
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: And now it's like, it's true, it's true.
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: When you were.
• 27:47
  Speaker 5: Reading Troy play, did him finding out his kids teacher's
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: names prompt you to go find out your kids teacher's names.
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: No, but I think it's important. I do think it's important.
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: And the reason I think it's important is because we're
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: dropping off our kids with these people that.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: We don't even know, Like, you know what I mean.
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: You know, you're how insane that is when you actually
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: think about it, our actual souls, our hearts, outside of
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: our body. We're just dropping them off with adults all
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: day and don't even know their name.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: But that's just how important the woman is in your
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: household because you're only okay with it because you know
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: your wife gonna hold it down.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: And she's okay.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: But knowing but knowing the names, did it change anything
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: for you for what he's talking about, like a sense
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: of security outside of your.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: Of course, I set up like I mean, I do.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: I do a lot. You know, I got jobs, I
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: got gigs. But like I was like, babe, I'm gonna
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: set up the parent teacher conferences, you know, so just
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: like doing that, getting that done, which is which is like,
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: oh my god, you have to it's a it's a
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: blood sport. It's really a blood sport because people are
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: it's all online, so I mean it took up time
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: and it's very stressful, but I got it.
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: I was saying, that is a lot. It's a lot,
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: which is why you know women do it. But like you,
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: it's something about dad being able to, you know, go
• 29:00
  Speaker 5: and have a conversation with your teacher because mom, sometimes
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: I don't always feel like it, you know, so when
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: your kid runs up, it's good, go tell dad about
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: Miss Gimmel Gamble.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Miss waffle Bottom. Let me tell you something. Let
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: me tell you something. They change every year, you know,
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: like like you know what it was was like, I
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: feel like doing that that some some of the some
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: of the system. Right. Sometimes it's the water, not the shark, right,
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: We're always worried about the shark. Man's not doing this,
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: that and the third. But it's the water too. It's
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: how the system is set up. If something goes wrong
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: at school, my name's at the top of that emergency
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: contact list. I made sure it was this year. They
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: like skip, they go down to my wife and I
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: have to hear about a third party. I was like
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: trying to make some uh some disappointments for my kids,
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: like tooth cleaning. I call up. I'm like, listen, I
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: need to know about Izy and Malcolm's tooth cleaning. Uh
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: are they are? They set for whatever? They were like,
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: the mom already knows this, And I was like what
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: They're like, Oh, the mom already knows this information. Are
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: you divorced? I'm like no, first of all, but they're
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: like only divorced dads call and do that kind of stuff, right.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: So it's like the system is rigged against men to
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: an extent. We play a role in misogyny. We all
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: play a role in misogyny, right, So it's like you
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: can have agents of misogyny that don't want to see
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: men do the right thing, and they could be women,
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. Like, so it's like that.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: To me on the phone, like are you divorced?
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: Because you really are? It was South Brooklyn, so it's different.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: She was like divorced, right, we got another divorced line.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: Dad on the line, Carol. You know, so that's what
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: it was. But you know, you recover from that. It
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: wasn't you know, and just know that that is okay,
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: that's the state of play. That's the atmosphere. I mean,
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: it's a low bardo. Like I was walking my kids
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: across the street in South Street Seaport and like this
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: lady looked at me and she goes, now, there's a
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: dad right there. I was like, I'm not doing but
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: holding their heads like I guess, ok, yeah, I release.
• 31:05
  Speaker 5: I guess it's not to a lot of people. It's
• 31:07
  Speaker 5: unusual to see. You know, I've seen it all my life.
• 31:10
  Speaker 5: But I understand why.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: Well, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. What you're saying about your dad,
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: that's amazing. It is unique, and it is you know what.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: I found a lot. Also. I have three wonderful aunts
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: and my my eldest aunt, my aunt Sabetha, who's who's
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: amazing college professor, such a wonderful woman. Her her husband
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: is exactly like that, exactly like that. But it took
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: a three that's a third husband. Now, Uncle Charles is great.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: Third time. Yeah.
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: If somebody read show a plan only applied one habit,
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: one habit. What's the one small action that could you
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: think could change the relationship.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: Have a plan, Just have a plan. Uh get I
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: mean this is not an endorsement for the Resi app,
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: but get get an app like that, because you deserve,
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: like your partner deserves, like dinner plan, whatever it is.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: Keep that, I say, keep that candle burning and make
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: sure that you got to back up because we're so expecting,
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: you know, her to want to do something. What about you?
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: You got to research things like I'm a very fun dad.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: I will take my kids to like you name it whatever.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: We'll we'll go to like let's go to Yankee Stadium.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: Then we'll go to we'll go get ice cream and
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: you know, like we're gonna go see dolphins. You know,
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: like that's that's me. But I just needed to divert
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: some of that back to my wife.
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: You said, you said you didn't want to just be
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: the fun dad, You want to be a responsible partner.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, and but but my wife wanted that fun too,
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: and I was leaving that out and playing like a
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: game like against her. So but but but one thing,
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: but but one thing today, you know, download an app
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: like that, make it really.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: A number one dating app.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: Know anything about that? Grazy got the reservation number one.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: Charlo at the end of the divorce, your crabs in
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: a barrel, crabs in a barrel? Can you can you?
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: I saw you talk to the New York Times about
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: this too, and you were telling them that being the
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: fund out almost ruining your marriage. Yesterday I was watching
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: Sley Kate Brown and Ryan Michelle Bath his wife on
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: Michelle Obama's podcast, and they were having a conversation about
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: preparing to be empty nesters and how you have to
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: like figure out being together. Can you talk about kind
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: of what now you're dynam kids with your wife because
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: your kids are still in the house, but you realize
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: you got to be with your.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: Partner absolutely, so uh most weekends, Like if she's not
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: going to go out with her girls, then we will
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: go out together. I love that, you know. We we
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: look forward to to like having a night out. Like
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: my mother in law lives real closer, so we just
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: drop up the kids. Y'all got babysitters on you gotta
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: have you gotta have that. Yeah, but she's again Brooklyn.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: Get you a Brooklyn person, you know what I'm saying.
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: They got the connect. They got the hookups. So it's
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: like we just do that and then we go out
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: and then like during the week we try to play hooky.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: So like because I write from home, work from home,
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: and she like only she has three nights a week
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: of teaching. Like during the day, we can be around,
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: so like we'll go to like what's the place bathhouse
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: which is really great, Yeah, the spot? Yeah, get lunch
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: on a Wednesday, don't like because we both are home
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: and we we have I mean, I'm very fortunate and
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: very blessed that i can just be like, you want
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: to do the spot tomorrow. She's like, yeah, let's do it,
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: you know, or get lunch or whatever it is. So
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: you got to keep it spicy and chop it up
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: all the time and if you and that's we're preparing
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: ourselves for for that. I mean, like our kids are
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: thirteen and nine, so we got we got a couple
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: more years, We got some time. It does are your.
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: Kids My oldest is seventeen for college just for wow,
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: But then I have a ten year old, seven year
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: old and four year olds, So.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: You know, it goes by fast. It does go by
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: so fast, it goes by real fast. But but just
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: keeping that spirit alive and keeping like the fun that
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: you have for your kids, even if you divert a
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: little bit. You know what I'm saying. For her, that's
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: what's because we just get resentments and I'm like, you
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: don't deserve that fun. I'm gonna put it over here,
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. She didn't let you watch
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: the game. She litally watched the game. I mean in peace,
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean. But it was it wasn't
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: about like the game is. It's not that it's just
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: the Cowboys have It's been a one sided relationship, abusive
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: relationship for so long that I was like, I gotta listen,
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: I gotta do something. I gotta get out. I gotta
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: get out, you know, check on them, right.
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: I believe in everybody doing what they're the best at.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, yeah.
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: Women are the best at cleaning women.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, like you come, let him keep going.
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: We can't learn no role women the CEO of the house. Women. Okay,
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: like they hold that down, patronaze.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: Better as a worker, you're better as a worker. Okay.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Were they not working in that in that example? You
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: said they were holding it down and doing.
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: I'm better off working for them, you know. Okay, okay,
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: I'm there for like moral support. I'll get you to brook,
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: you know what I mean.
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: Excuse me. I'm glad you do. I will open the window,
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: cleaning the house.
• 36:30
  Speaker 5: WoT don't do too much supervisor of a cleaning company
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: that you just helped open.
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: No American everything, she's got better than all of us.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: George, how did thank you? Thank you for your service?
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: You Mexican and b.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: Like me?
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, no, no, I'm African American, but I'm like latinope
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: like people think I'm like they think. So in these
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: times I'm just saying in the atmosphere that I can.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm saying, is.
• 37:20
  Speaker 4: Good the most important thing about to be It will
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: help you with your emotional labor.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, you know, yes, you're your your empathy emotional labor.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: I got very lucky, like my grandmother had Alzheimer's when
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: I was a kid, so I learned what it was
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: like to take care of somebody that maybe like is
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: with with with with respect respectfully, you know, like their
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: their faculties are going away. So I had that was
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: put on me early. So I was like empathetic to
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: that so so learning that is is definitely. Yeah, it's
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: a certain kind of intelligence, you know. And and and
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: I think we need to up that. Men need to
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: up that completely. We're always told to be and stoic
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: and things like that, but you got to you gotta
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: go back way back when you had like you feel
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: for your person. You know, you have to feel for everybody,
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: but if you feel for your person what they're going through,
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: even on little things. I wrote this book because I
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: read a book about a guy that just didn't put
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: his like his glass in the sink when his wife
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: would ask him for years, and she divorced him because
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: of that. So just like taking in what people want
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: from you, and if you know what makes people upset,
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: then you know what makes them happy. And just doing
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: that thing and putting your your your arms around it
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: instead of your head around it, I think like you'll
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: be much better off.
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: You know is available everywhere you get books right now,
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: tell them to follow you.
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: Jordan.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: You can follow me on Instagram. I'm one of one.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: My name's Jordan Carlos. Follow me there. I'm also my
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: website jordancarloscomic dot com. I'm on all the things that
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: TikTok and all that. So this has been amazing. Thank
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: you so much, y'all. I really appreciate it. Y.
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: My guy Jordan called chot players out right now, man,
• 39:01
  Speaker 4: go pick it up. It might save your marriage, might
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: play the marriage saving magic. You're getting your head out yours.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: Thank you for joining us. Thank you.
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: Oh it's the Breakfast Club.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: Every day. Up, click your ass up, the Breakfast Club.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: You know. I'm finished for y'all.
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: Done,