Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 427. Breaking out of your phone addiction and learning what rat park can teach you about it.

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427. Breaking out of your phone addiction and learning what rat park can teach you about it. · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful people, and welcome to the podcast episode of Today.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: So this is hopefully it should be a very very
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: good episode because this is the second fucking time I'm
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: recording this thing. Because the audio was just having an
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: absolute meltdown. I don't know if it was the computer
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: that it was connected to that was glitching or if
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: it was the actual software. I don't know, but the
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: point is that the audio was dropping in and out.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Shanaia tried to do her magic like mixing camera audio
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: with the micro audio in like post, but we were
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: just like, you know what, I feel like the content
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: of this episode is so good it needs to be
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: rerecorded so that people aren't focusing on like the weird
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: changes in the audio. So here we are again, and
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: we are talking about how to break out of social
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: media addiction and a fixation to your phone. Now we
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: are talking about behavioral addictions in this episode, so you
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: could actually apply this to other possible behavioral addictions that
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: you might have. So for example, you might have like
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: a shopping addiction, upon an addiction, a fucking whatever. Like,
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: there's so many different behavioral addictions that people have. So
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: that's what we're going to be talking about. Today. So
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: before we get into the topic of today's episode, we
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: are going to be speaking about a study. It's kind
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: of like a brain fact, but it also ties heavily
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: into today's episode. So it's a brain fact that kind
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: of bleeds into today's episode because I'm going to be
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: using a lot of this fact within the episode so
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: you can come up with really, really good tools to
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: snap out of this behavioral addiction or a fixation. And
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: what I'm going to talk to you about was a
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: study that was done called, well it's around kind of
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: the rat Park Study, and I want you to really
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: think about as I talk to you about this study,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: I want you to think about what can rat Park
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: teach about addiction? Okay, So basically what this study went
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: on to show I'm going to explain it in detail
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: in a second, is that addiction is not just about
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: the drug. It's not just about the substance. It's not
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: just about the that stimulus, Okay, It is also about
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: the individual within their environment, and the environment will influence
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: heavily what kind of role that substance will play, whether
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: it's going to be life altering, it's going to take over,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: it's going to be a crazy addiction, or whether it's
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: just going to be something that exists within their life
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: but it doesn't destroy their life. Okay. So this experiment
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: was carried out in the seventies by psychologist doctor Bruce Alexander,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: and it showed so much about the interaction between individual
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: and addiction. Okay, So the experiment goes as follows. They've
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: got a bunch of rats. And the reason why they
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: always use rats is because rats' brains, despite how different
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: rats and humans, are a lot of similarities between the
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: rat brain and the human brain. So they like to
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: do a lot of experiments on rats and mice. So
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: they put a bunch of rats in a cage, and
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: this cage, they were isolated, They had no community, and
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: they had no entertainment whatsoever, so they bored af and
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: they gave them the option to drink out of this
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: little bottle that drops out water or a bottle that
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: drops out cocaine or heroin. Okay, So there's rats obviously
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: discover this cocaine slash heroin depending on the cage that
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: they were in, and they start to drink from the
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: drug bottle, and they drink from the drug bottle again
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: and again and again. They do it obsessively until they
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: all overdosed and died. Okay, so these rats were relentless.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: They didn't choose the water. They kept going back to
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: the drugs drug drug dug dug drug dog drug, became
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: fully addicted and died. So the question was Alexander's question
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: was is this drug this addictive that they're willing to
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: go drug over water every time? Or is the addiction
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: relative to the environment that the rat is in. So
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: then he thought, I'm going to test it again with
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: a different environment. So then he created something called rat Park.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Keep that phrase in mind. Okay, he created rat park.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: So here he had this paradise for rats. Okay. He
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: had set up slides and colored balls and objects that
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: they could play with and interact with. It's like a
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: theme park. There were all these other rats. The rats
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: could interact, They could play, they could socialize, they could
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: have sex. They had this really meaningful interactions with their
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: rat community. Plus it was really fun, bright colors. They
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: had everything they wanted. Okay, there were tunnels, there was everything. Okay. Now,
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: alongside this rich environment and alongside this community and entertainment,
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: they put the two bottles. They put the water, and
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: they put the bottle that drips out the drugs. Okay,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: when in rat park, the rats, all the rats preferred
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: the water. They were fully like satisfied with their lives.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: They had such rich connections that were entertained that they
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: preferred the water. And even I think this is even
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: more interesting. Even when the rats did dabble in the drugs,
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: it was just every so often like a recreational use, like, yeah,
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: I could take it or leave it. I could have
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: a bit of cocaine, but it's not I don't have
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: to go back. I'm not dying of boredom. I've got
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: other things that are so meaningful in my life that
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: I could take it or leave it. So they would
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: dabble in the drugs, but it taught even restraint. It
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: taught that for them this wasn't the be all end
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: all and I could actually, you know, just not have it.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: So they never overdosed and therefore they never died from it.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: So what we learned from this study is that the
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: less community, the less connection, the less richness that there
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: is in your life, then the more likely the rats
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: are to hit the drugs. And we could kind of
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: apply this to humans as well, the less community, the
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: less connection, the less kind of purpose, the less richness
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: and entertainment, the more likely you are to turn to
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: things that are addictive, that are pacifies in life, whether
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: it's a chemical addiction or a behavioral addiction. Okay, so
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: not in every case with humans, but in many, many cases,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: lack of connection and community, or lack of feeling loved,
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: lack of feeling accepted as part of a group is
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: one of the greatest leaders to addiction and dependency. Okay,
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: people receiving Now, this is another thing that was you know,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: I was reading up deep about this rat Park thing
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: and about addiction. And the interesting thing is people that
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: go to hospital that receive treatment after something like a
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: hip replacement or some like major major, major surgery where
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: they need to be put on morphine, which is kind
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: of like a derivative of heroine too much, don't for
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: the most part, like the greater percentage of these people
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: are put on this very high dose of morphine, which
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: is a highly addictive substance normally, but they are put
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: on this dose in the hospital when they're recovering from surgery.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: When they leave the hospital, there is no addiction to
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: that drug. For most people, they go back to their
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: normal lives. They go back to their families, back to
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: their home, their communities, their jobs, their sense of self,
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: and their sense of purpose, and they don't have an addiction.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Your grandmother or grandfather that's gone in for that hip,
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: they don't come out with a heroin addiction. Okay. And
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: another interesting study that was done, so basically, what that
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: is showing is that when you take someone out of
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: the environment but then put them back in their home environment,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: it does not turn them into an addict. It is
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: more so when someone is not fulfilled, is already having
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: a lot of troubles, is already wanting to escape, and
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: then is exposed to this addictive substance, they are the
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: ones that are most likely to become addicted all the
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: most part. In general, we're talking now. Another interesting study
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: was that in the Vietnam War, twenty percent of the soldiers,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: this is the US soldiers, this is the study was
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: done on US soldiers were using heroin. Okay, so this
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: is just to survive, to get by, you know, to
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: get through day to day. It's extremely traumatic experience that
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: these people are going through. It's just like unimaginable, so
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: twenty percent were using heroin pretty much as a coping mechanism.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: But when the soldiers returned, ninety five percent of the
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: soldiers that use heroin stopped without any withdrawals, without needing
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: to go to rehab, without any need for some sort
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: of recovery program whatsoever. They just stopped at the moment
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: they got home, and being back at home for them
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: was like being in rat park. Okay, they had their connections,
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: they were with their family, They had like meaningful relationships
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: within their life. They had their jobs or their entertainment
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: or the city that they lived in and the things
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: that they loved to do. So they would come back
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: and there would be no addiction for ninety five percent
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: of these soldiers. So basically, that tells us a lot
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: about the connection between the environment versus just the addictive
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: substance itself. So we know that human connection is declining
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: in general. We know that a lot of people most
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: of people's issues are around feeling lonely, feeling isolated, feeling like, yeah,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: there's people in their life, but they don't feel true
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: to true connection. One of the things that I get
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: us the most is how do you build the friendship
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: group that you have, you know, how do I find that?
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: How do I replicate that? Because if the really close
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: connection have with my girlfriends, which then highlights to me
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: how many people don't have something like that and how
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: it really is something that people feel is lacking. And
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: there's all these studies that were done around you know,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: how people feel towards their you know, like their life
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: overall and their general life satisfaction. And what if the
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: biggest factors that people would want change was you know,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: having all meaningful connections or having a stronger friendship group,
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: or having like those people that they are there like
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: righte or diet which they feel they don't have. Okay,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: So when we see that human connection is declining in general,
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: that community is no longer there, drugs kind of will
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: push people into even more of an isolation, and then
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: an addict becomes more and more isolated. So recovery becomes
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: like this superhuman feat because recovering from any kind of addiction,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: let alone a chemical addiction, which is even more intense
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: in them as far as how it hijacks the brain
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: is almost if it's almost impossible. So that's also why
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: when you look at some of the most effective tools
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: for addicts to recover. You know, you could take them
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: to all the rehabs in the world, you could do
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: all the methodone programs in the world, but some of
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: the things that are the most effective to get addicts
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: to recover are these AA or NA programs where you
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: meet your community, you find your people, you find a
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: support network, and that's what keeps you going, what keeps
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: you sober. So there's a lot to be said for
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: obviously meaningful connections. I think everything ultimately comes down to
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: finding meaning in your connections and in your own like
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: life sense. So this episode is given towards social media
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: addiction obviously, but like I said, based on what you
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: just heard about rat Park, this can actually be applied
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: to other kinds of behavioral addictions as well. Now let's
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: talk about specifically phone fixation and social media addiction and
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: how to know if it's becoming out of hand. And
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: if you're listening right now, and I'm about to rattle
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: off a whole bunch of like clues. If you're listening
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: right now and you're thinking, oh, that kind of sounds
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: like me, but I'm functioning, then you do have a problem.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: It's okay to admit that you have a problem, and
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: also you might justify it but saying, oh, but that's
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: everyone in my friendship group, that's my whole fucking family.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Just because everyone has this, it doesn't make it not
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: a problem. Just because everyone's doing it doesn't mean that
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: it's the healthiest or it's an okay thing to do. Okay,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: you are literally potentially eroding away many, many good things
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: in your life and justifying it because of way everyone
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: does it. So if everyone's miserable, does that mean that
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I need to be miserable? Absolutely not. Okay, So let's
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: let's talk about it. How I do know if it's
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: becoming out of handent it's becoming an addictionary fixation Number
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: one compulsive and constant accessing. What I mean by compulsive
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: is that you find yourself reaching to your phone where
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: you don't have a logical reason to reach for it.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: So you've just checked your TikTok Instagram, You've just a thing,
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: you put it down, and you find yourself reaching for
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: your phone again within you know, and you can't pinpoint
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: exactly why, like you've literally just checked it. That's addictive.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: Number two. It impacts your work and study. If you say, oh,
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: I struggle to focus. I struggle, you know, But then
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: you're always checking your phone. Then that's a problem. It's
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: one of the phone is one of the reasons, because
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: you could say, oh, but it's my ADHD. It's this. Now,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: it's been proven that phones worsen ADHD symptoms. So even
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: for people that have ADHD, you're making a fucking worse
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: by checking your phone. The phone isn't like just a like.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: The ADHD isn't separate to the fact that the phone
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: is also making a focus worse. It also impacts your relationships,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: so other people in your family notice that you are
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: more absent from engaging in activities, family conversations or like
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: conversations at the table because you spend a lot of
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: time on your phone. You might notice this in your
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: friends when you go like when you go out for
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: coffee or whatever, there might be one or two friends
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: that's always on their phone and you almost have to
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: pull them up on it, or people have pulled you
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: up on it. It's different if it's a once off
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: here and there, you're going to be whatever, But to
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: be like needing to check your social media when you're
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: at a social gathering with people that you are connected to.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: That's a big problem because then we go home and
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: complain that we don't have connection, but we're not putting
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: in the effort into the actual We had an opportunity
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: to have a real connection, but we were switched off.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: And then we wonder, oh, but I don't feelnnected to
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: these people, Well wonder why I can't because you weren't
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: fucking connecting. Well you. Another issue is this kind of
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: there's this lonely boomer issue and it's more common with
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: men than women, but women do it as well. Where
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: almost boomers who are kind of retired or semi retired,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: they've got all this free time, but they're the ones
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: that maybe don't have a lot of social connections, aren't
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: doing a lot with their time, aren't putting themselves out
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: there into hobbies, activities, whatever that they it's sucked into
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: this social media fixation. I've had many people right into
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: me being like, you know, people in my family, my uncles,
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: my dad's, my mum, whatever, they're on their phone so
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: much like you know, like sometimes you'll have people in
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: your family who bombard you with videos and videos and
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: videos and videos and videos and videos, and you're like kan't,
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: what are you doing with your day? Why are you
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: sending me forty five thousand videos all day long? You
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: have a phone addiction and this is a boomer problem.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: Like I've had people right in saying like I come over,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: it's a family gathering, and so many for the people
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: in the older generation on their phone more so than
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: the younger. This comes down to connection. The reason I
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: isolate men from this more than women is that women
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: in general, as they age, are much better at maintaining
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: social connections than men. Men often, not always, but very
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: often will rely on the wife as they get older
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: for social connection. Once they've retired from their job, because
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: they don't get that social connection at work anymore, they're
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: less likely to put in the social effort. So you
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: are more likely to see this in men, but women
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: definitely do this a lot. Okay, So that's a problem,
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: and I'm not saying that you guys are boomers, but
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: it's something to pay attention and look out for. Losing
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: track of time is another key component. So it's I'm
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: just going to sit down on my phone for ten
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: minutes and then before you know, it's been an hour, okay, excessive,
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: and then the last one is excessive use of the device.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: So what is excessive? So I was looking up what experts,
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: as in psychologists and psychiatrists around like behavioral addictions, deemed
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: to be excessive, and they said anything over twenty hours
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: a week is excessive. So that's so if you just
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: did twenty hours a week, which they still deem to
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: be like acceptable, right, that is still just under three
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: hours a day. And that's a lot of fucking time
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: to be on your phone on your social media. Okay,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: that accounts for around ten percent of your time. So
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: that means that in ten years, one fucking year, you've
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: spent on your phone a year and that's not even
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: excessive according to the experts, that's not excessive. So the
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: people that are like, oh fuck, well I kind of
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: do double them, Well, then that's two fucking years out
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: of ten. And then we wonder why we never got
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: the degree done. We wonder three hours a day is insane.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: When then people complain about not having time, that's insane, okay,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: And then you can't say, oh, yeah, but I'm trying
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: to rest, it's how I switch off, it's whatever. That's
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: not even an excuse because being on your phone, and
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: there's all these studies that already have proven this. Being
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: on your phone does not allow your brain to rest.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: You're not resting, you're kidding yourself. What happens is that
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: you feel even more tired after you've been on your phone.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: And then you say, see, I really needed to rest
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: because I am so depleted. It's like, no, can't. It's
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: the other way around. You're depleted, emotionally depleted because you've
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: just used up all these chemicals, all these like highs
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: and lows, highs and lows, the visual system, the emotional system.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Your brain's like when you're on your phone that by
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: the time you put your phone down, just because you've
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: physically not moved if you sat down, you've not rested.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: And then we say, but I'm just so tired. Yes,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: of course you're tired because you have a behavioral addiction.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: That's why you're tired anyway, So I think we need
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: to re yeah, anything over that, like just under that
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: three hour market day. If you're spending more than that,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: you have a behavioral addiction, whether you like it or not, okay,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: And if you're here thinking, well that's everyone, that's just everyone.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: So most people do that most people spend more than
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: three hours. You know, it's too bad. It's still an addiction.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: Just because it's common, it doesn't mean it's not a problem. Okay,
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: it's still going to reduce the quality of your life.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Just because everyone around you is doing it. It doesn't
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: mean that you now have to kind of subject yourself
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: to a lesser version of your life to do what
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: everyone else is doing. So what are we going to
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: do about it? There's some very very simple things we're
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: going to do about it. And the difficult thing about
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: behavioral addictions is a lot of behavioral addictions are unlike
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: chemical addictions, where it's not an all or nothing approach.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: You know, if you've got a food addiction, if you
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: have a phone addiction, if you've got addictions, there's still
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: a part of your everyday life. So it's like, how
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: do I limit without being like I'm going cold turkey,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: I'm going sober, I'm never using that thing again, because
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: we ideally want to be able to still use it
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: in our life and find that balance. That's the aim.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: So number one, you're going to remove all your notifications.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: You are going to remove all your notifications today. You
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: don't need a thing, someone liked your photo thing, someone
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: send you a message. You check that fucking app with
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: or without the notifications. I'm telling you right now you
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: don't need the notifications. You don't need a notifications on
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: your emails. I don't care who you think you are.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: I don't care if you're the CEO of Apple. You
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: do not need notifications. We check our phone that often
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: that we are fooling us and we are treating ourselves
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: like toddlers if we say we need notifications. The only
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: thing you want a notification on is a phone call
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: and a text message. That's it. You don't even want
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: that little icon. You're going to go into your settings
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: and remove even the icon on top of your Instagram
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: and your TikTok of how many your WhatsApp and all
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: of that. That's gone from today, never again because you
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: will check it often in you don't need that shit
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: to be in your away and it's like, oh, there's more, more, more,
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: more information. We don't need that. So that's gone as
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: of today's gone. The next thing is top and tail
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: of the day is a social media free zone, whether
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: you make it an hour, whether you make it whatever.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: So if you're someone that's like, oh my god, but
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: I cannot fall asleep in total silence. I can't. I
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: need to be scrolling. Scrolling is actually going to make
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: it harder for you to fall asleep. So you can
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: have your little nighttime scroll. But then when it's an
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: hour before you're likely to go to bed, put on
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: an audiobook, put on a podcast, put on whatever the fuck,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: but something where you are not interacting with social media
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: and your phone is away without the light on. Okay,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: same for the first hour of the day, ideally two hours,
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: but let's just call it one hour top and tail
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: of the day. That's what we're doing. Then another thing
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: that I highly recommend that you do is a few
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: days a detox. Now I need to be very careful
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: when I talk about a social media detox, because I
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: don't think that detoxes are really that effective. If you're
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: just like, oh, I'm gonna go seven days of social
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: media but not really, not really document and not learn,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: not be retrospective about it, and then just start using
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: it again, you've really achieved nothing. Okay, So detox is
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: there's good and bad. The reason why I recommend to
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: detox in this scenario is because I want you to
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: document this detox three days, five days, whatever you choose
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: the timeframe, but at minimum three days. What this will
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: help you do is it will help you identify the
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: key moments in your day where you crave it the most. Okay,
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: being like, ooh, I noticed that when I did this
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: detox in the mornings, I was just relentlessly like, ah,
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: it's my phone, I want to check my phone. Or
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I noticed that when I try and do a longer
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: task like sit down and study or work, and I
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: just needed those little breaks every five minutes to check
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: and that's when it was the hardest. So it allows
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: you to identify. It allows you to kind of crack
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: open this behavioral compulsion of yours and see where the
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: key moments of weakness normally lie. That's the purpose of
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: the detox, because the after the detox, if you go
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: back to your own behavior, you've achieved nothing. What I
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: want this detox to do is to give you a
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: real slap in the face inside into how compulsive you
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: actually are and what are the key moments where you're
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: most likely to use quote unquote Okay, I want you
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: to remember that try. Okay. Another thing that I want
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: you to think about is the last thing as far
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: as the things that you're going to do. So remove
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: all notifications, top and tail of the day, do with
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: detox so you can really understand your behaviors. And then
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: the last thing is you need to start really building
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: out your version of a rat park. Okay, what is
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: your rat park going to be? Because if you are
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: fully entertained with something that's enriching, if you are fully
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: like you know, when you when you do a hobby
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: or when you do something that's like whatever it is
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: for me, It's like when I do puzzles with my cousin,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: the last thing I want to do is to check
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: my phone. That is the last thing I want to do.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: And if someone held in front of me saying, hey
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: you just got a notification, like please move that away,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: I'm so in the zone with his fucking puzzle. Or
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: when I used to do sewing, I was so into
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: sewing like nothing could pull me out of it. It
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: was so like enthralled in it. Or when you're playing
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: games with your friends or when you're going out for
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: a nice dinner with your best friend, the last thing
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: you want to be doing. You know those times where
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: you're just having such a good time. But you're thinking, Oh,
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I'm on holidays. I really should post about these holidays.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: But you're like, oh, the last thing I want to
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: do is post because I'm so in the moment. I'm
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: having such a good time. That's your rat park. That
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: is your rat park. You're like, I could take it
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: or leave it. That's the sweet spot. I am having
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: such a good time. I'm so fulfilled right now. My
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: connections are so good, I'm so entertained. This hobby is
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: so fun that the social media is there, but nah, like, yeah,
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I could use it, and yeah, I'm gonna use I'm
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: gonna just update. I'll put some photos up so people
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: can say how I'm going on my holidays. It's fun,
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: but it's kind of like almost a chore at this
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: point because I'm so enjoying my life right now. Okay,
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: so those moments. Think about those moments where you are
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: less inclined to be on your phone and even less
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: inclined to be like mindlessly scrolling because you want to
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: get back to the real action and that's like where
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: life is actually happening. You've got the option of being
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: pacified by your phone or engaging in the real life
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: stuff that's really really enriching for you. Okay, So we
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: can all think of moments like that where you are
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: so engaged in a good activity or a good conversation
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: or a good connection that the last thing on your
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: mind is this kind of like compulsion to check your phone.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: That is your rat park. So how are you going
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: to build up the rat park? Because when the void
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: is there, the addiction is ready to pull you back in,
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: not always, not forever. This is a conditioning. We've all
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: conditioned ourselves to be this way. Do it long enough,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: and then when the void is there, you're likely to
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: look for other things. And I'm not saying you've got
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: to fill every space in your life, but I'm saying
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: that you've got to try and make as many moments
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: of your life as meaningful as possible. So then even
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: when you are quote unquote bored or have not much
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: to do, then you can, like the rats, kind of
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: use social media as like a take it or leave
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: it kind of thing. Yeah, I will double, i will
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: scroll for a little bit. I'm gonna watch these videos hahaha,
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: post a few thinks, and then I'm off it. That's
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: the point Okay. The point is that there's still going
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: to be moments where you're going to use it, but
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: everything else is so enriching. You've got better things that
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: you want to be doing. You're putting more emphasis on,
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: like next time someone you know, Like, for example, if
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: I have a phone call with a friend, I know
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: for sure if they're scrolling on social media when I'm
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: on the phone, you know who you are. You're listening
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: to this episode right now. I can guarantee you one
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: of my good friends. I love her so much, Versus
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: someone who's actually engaging in conversation, like they're like, you
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: are trying to get back to me, like answer my question,
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: or not even answer my question. They're telling me a story,
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: and they lose track of their own fucking story. It's like, dude,
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: you're talking about your favorite topic, yourself that for all
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: of us, our favorite topic is ourselves, and you even
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: lose track on that. You're on your fucking phone, cunt
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: when you're talking to me, like focus and I say
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: literally I'm like focus, They're like, oh sorry, sorry, sorry.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: It's like if I'm going to have a phone call
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: with my friend, am I gonna half ass it? Or
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: am I going to have a fucking conversation with my
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: friend and put my phone down, put it on speaker,
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: put it down, and just talk. We always are trying
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: to multitask twenty four seven. Try not multitasking. Try doing
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: a single task and see how fulfilling it feels to
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: do it properly. Okay, it's quite basic, but that's where
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: you find fulfillment. If you're always pacifying, pacifying, pacifying, then
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: you got one foot in the door, one foot out
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: for the door. Nothing's going to be fulfilling, nothing's going
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: to be entertaining. Okay, So you are conditioned. This is
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: a condition that can be changed. You can uncondition yourself
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: from something that's the beauty of the brain and how
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: plastic it can be. And I want you to realize
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: that behavioral addictions are nowhere near as intense as you know,
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: from a neurological perspective, as a chemical addiction. So here
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: we're talking about a behavioral addiction that is a lot
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: easier to curb than a chemical addiction as far as
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: what you see going on in the brain on a
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: chemical level. So this is a good thing. We're working
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: with something that's you know, easier to curb than if
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: we're talking about a drug addiction or an alcohol addiction.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: So the whole aim of today is to create your
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: own rat park. I want you to write into me
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: and tell me how you've created your own rat park
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: or how you plan on creating your own rat park.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: I want you to, you know, tag me in it. Lol.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: We're talking about social media and not using it. You're
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: going to do intentional social media use. You're going to
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: write something about how you created your own rat park
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: or do a little real and tag me in it.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: I want to see what your version of a rat
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: park is and how you're filling up your day with
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: many ful connections and like kind of like your haven,
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: like feeling satisfied. Yeah. And then also I want you
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: to ask yourself when it comes to connection, You've got
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: to ask yourself, what does real connection look like? Okay,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: it's not where people are always looking out for you
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: or looking after you, but it is a mutual, beneficial
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: relationship where both people kind of earn their place in
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: each other's life. Okay, complacency doesn't have space in this right.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: So this is the whole premise behind this male loneliness epidemic.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: They've you know, they they are upset because and again
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: not all men. Obviously it's not all men, but there's
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: a there's a there's a population of men that are
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: upset because women now are like, again, take it or
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: leave it. I actually don't need to be in this,
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: so I'm not interested, and so they leave it. And
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: then there's all these lonely men. But the men are
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: basically like a product of their own creation, of what
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: they created. And then women are saying, now opt out,
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: thank you very much. And then they're like, well, now
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: I'm lonely. Now I'm only now I've got all these
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: problems now and lonely. This is not a reciprocal thing.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: Complacency does not have a place here. If you are lonely,
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: how are you going to like make someone else's life fulfilling?
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: If you are lonely, what are you doing to actually
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: bring value into someone else's life? Not saying I'm the victim.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Everything's happening to me. Okay. Most of those relationships with
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: the male loneliness epidemic has come because of it was
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: one sided. The relationship was not earned, it was taken
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: for granted, and then others got sicker fit and kind
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: of walked away. They're like, this isn't a connection. This
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: is me servicing your needs, servicing, servicing, servicing, servicing. I'm
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: not getting anything back. I'm out. And then they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Now I'm lonely. You've made me lonely. So it's like
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: when so use that as an example for your life.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: If you're of a feeling like I don't have connection,
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: I don't. Are you playing the victim or are you
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: really trying to see where can it be reciprocal? Where
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: can I actually like create real meaningful connections. And it
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: might not be with the friendships you have. You might
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: have outgrown the friendships, you might just not feel connected.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: You might have to look elsewhere. You might have to
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: like really stretch and step outside. There are many people
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: within my community that have met before a live show
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: or have met like on their own little meetups and
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: created friendships with people that they thought that they would
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: connect with better because they weren't finding that connection with
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: their high school friends or with their work friends that
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: they're just not finding that deep, deep connection. So sometimes
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: it does take you stepping well outside of your comfort
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: zone and being like, hey, does someone want to meet up?
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: Or hey, or I'll go to that person's meetup or whatever,
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: and just putting it out there and trying. Also, another
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: thing that you've got to remember is when you see
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: people that are really really connected, that's longevity in a relationship.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: It doesn't happen overnight. So sometimes you'll be like, I
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: met this. As long as you align on not like morally,
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: on like all the deeper things and humor, it won't
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: necessarily happen overnight. So it is like a working progress
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: and things that are earned are the ones that feel
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: the best. So put in the effort these relationships, earn trust,
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: earn that connection, and then slowly but surely, you will
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: build out a really beautiful, strong friendship over time. Okay,
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: so basically what I want you to ask yourself is
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: how am I going to build out my rat park?
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: And once I figured out how I'm gonna build out
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: my rat park, I'm gonna tell Alexis either via voice, note, email,
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: social media. I will tell her. Guys, thank you so
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: much for listening to today's episode. Hopefully it empowered you
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: to create your own rat park. We love rats so much.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: I love Rats Ratachuwi is one of my favorite films.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: Just iconic and also have like a stuff toy rat
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: from my Kia. My cousin has like a twin rat.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: They're matching rats anyway, so I just think they're really cute.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: So rat Park is the theme of the week. Love
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: you guys so much. That is all for today. As always,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: remember be kind to yourself, be kind to your brain.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: Don't text shit from anyone, and especially don't text it
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: from yourself. Dunker Si