Latest / The Rooted Woman Podcast / Seen, Known, Loved: Drawing Near to the Heart of the Father in the Ordinary Days
Transcript
- Courtney Her Mind on Mission: Welcome back to the Mission for More podcast. I'm your host Courtney, the face behind her mind on Mission on social media. And I just have been really feeling a stirring in my heart to invite a special guest on today. I have seen her transform in the way that she has shown up on social media and just know that in this season, she is finding ways to be seen and known and loved by the Lord in the middle of the mundane moments of motherhood. Her name is Nicole Allen, and I want her to encourage all of you today that you are seen. that you are known, that you are loved. I pray that this episode will bless you. Nicole, it is so great to have you on today. I know that you have such encouragement to bring to the episode, so welcome. Thank you so much, Courtney. I am so honored to be here. Yeah, and you have a story. And when I went to your page, I really just felt like you are encouraging people that they are seen, that they are known, that they are loved, that even in the middle of the messy moments of motherhood, God still sees them. And so I want to dive into that today. I noticed, I just kind of told you before we started recording, but there was a little bit of a break on social media. And so I know when breaks come, God does the work behind the scenes. I want to start there if you can walk us through that. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, I think that social media has been something that I have wanted God to use me in that space for many years. But you're right. was a season where I had two young kids and we were living in Hawaii and working with a ministry out there and I was really wanting to go after it. I was posting reels and feeling very inspired and it was very life-giving. I loved it. But then I started to notice in my heart that it was not becoming healthy for my... my life and God. And so ⁓ I laid it down completely. actually deactivated all of the apps for about a year. I had a baby. I just lived a hidden normal life and that was so healthy and the best decision. And then in the past few months, actually, I kind of felt the Lord open the door again. So it feels kind of new in a lot of ways. Yeah. Do you feel like that the former way that you posted to the way that you're posting now is different because of what God did? I do think so. Yeah, I think that there are a lot of similarities. It felt kind of like picking back up, just there's maybe more of rootedness or a subtleness in my heart where I'm not seeking that validation the way that I think that did before. And how cool because you just hit 10k and before you were kind of putting a lot of effort into it. Like I got to get to this number or you know, whatever it was in the back of your mind. And now you're like, I'm just showing up and doing what God wants. And then you hit 10 K like that. Yeah. It's so shocking, honestly. Yeah. It's I'm very thankful. Yeah. Yeah. And I, and I know even just going through some of your content, because I always like to learn about people before I have them on the content or in the podcast as much as possible. So I went through and there is such a piece. that you have in your posting. Like you can sense it, even when you're doing the dishes or there was the week and you admitted on stories that you had a harder week, but even in that, there was a sense of peace within the messy moments you could tell. ⁓ So as moms, how do we get there? We are often pulled in so many different directions and you have your own story. You can share as much or as little as you would like of that. But when we're tending to the kids needs or we're trying to navigate like the next best step. for us, how do we get to that place where we can feel peace in those moments? That's such a good question and one that I feel like I am asking myself every day right now. I don't know if you can hear a child screaming in the background, but it's real life. I love it. It is real life. It's an overstimulating, overwhelming season for a lot of us. ⁓ And I think that guarding our peace and that place where we commune with the Lord in our souls throughout the day. I think that's the secret. And I love a book called The Practice of the Presence by Brother Lawrence. And it talks all about... ⁓ it's so good. It's such a short read and honestly so life-changing. ⁓ He just talks a lot about communing with the Lord, talking with the Lord, finding Him in those little moments all throughout your day. And I think that that is what has defined motherhood for me. I can go into more of my story whenever you would like to open that door, but my first born daughter was a medical baby and we recently got a diagnosis for her this year after five and a half years. so motherhood has been a very challenging for me since day one in an unexpected way that has really pushed me into surrender, which I've come to find is such a gift. So we have our third child has a congenital heart defect. And that was really different because I had two that were completely healthy. And then I have one that was the first two were traumatic births. And then you come to the third one and I'm like, this is going to be the peace filled birth. And it was peaceful, but it was also traumatic because we learned of the diagnosis as he was born. so talk to me about that shift though of filtering motherhood through the lens with your first born. Absolutely. Yes, I had a very typical pregnancy with her and then she was born at the height of COVID in 2020. She also had a traumatic birth, which we just were not expecting anything to go outside of the ordinary. And she aspirated meconium. That was our first red flag that something was not going great. ended up being admitted into the NICU for a month. No one could visit us. It was COVID. It was crazy. Three weeks into our NICU stay, we realized that she was aspirating every time that we tried to feed her. And so she ended up coming home on a G-tube and was tube fed for three years. And during that time, I was just constantly trying to help her, support her, find answers for her. ⁓ But it was very challenging. yeah, I think I honestly was in the depths of postpartum depression for a lot of that time. She had very low muscle tone and just a lot of challenges. We've been in every therapy under the sun and yeah, just the place where the Lord really Refines you that has been motherhood for me Yeah, I think a lot of people can resonate with the refining in motherhood and even adding that extra layer You probably know more than a lot of people do what it feels like to Constantly have that lie whisper in the back of your mind that you are last like her needs come first You have to find out all this stuff for her and I can play into the postpartum too Just like my needs are never being met because I'm trying to meet somebody else's needs and I'm also not quite meeting hers because we're trying to figure all of this out for the very first time. And how did that play into how you filtered, and saw, and perceived the days in front of you? That's a great question. Yeah, I think that I really struggled to take care of myself, especially those first few years. I lost a dramatic amount of weight in an unhealthy way just because I couldn't even eat for the first year. and anxiety was so weighing on me. And so I have been learning and I'm still in the process of learning how to find the Lord and care for my soul and care for my body and care for my family, just the balance of it all. I think that that's still a process that I'm on. How does that filter when that could have been your mindset really affect the way that you perceive your day? Even going back to the thought of like, I seen? Am I known? Am I loved? Are my expectations being met? Yes. I think that that has actually been a theme throughout my whole life. Just this feeling of like, I don't know if I'm seen. I don't know if I have anything to give. And that was a question I can remember thinking even back into high school or beyond that. That's kind of been like a core lie that I've had to battle. I think, yeah, I have had to fight to remind myself of the truth that God deeply sees me even in the season where I feel deeply unseen and forgotten. Yeah. Your mess really does become your message. I think that's like a cheesy cliche that people say all the time. But when you've battled through something and you've had to fight to find that truth, it becomes easier to tell people, okay, here, I've done this thing and I've seen that this worked. when it's rooted in the Lord and you know that it can work for everybody because it's God's word and it never fails. It's like, just want everybody to know about this. And I want to kind of tie this into you came back on social media. You personally felt more rooted and grounded. Your content is displaying this piece of being seen and known and loved. So what does that look like to be in that place? What did it look like to fight for it? Right. I think that honestly, so much of that work is so hidden. And I think it was very fitting that I just left social media completely. Not that I even had any sort of following at that point, but I was stepping away from the fight to be seen or validated by other people. And I think the Lord's been speaking to me so much just about growing roots and how a seed must go into the earth and die before it bears any fruit. And I think We all are invited into these seasons where we're just hidden and that's where we meet him. That's where we grow roots in our relationship with him and I've just grown to really treasure those hidden seasons. I think so much work is done in the hiddenness. That's Just the foundation of everything that comes Yeah, and even when you're talking about it, it sounds like you welcomed it. Whereas I feel like a lot of people will push their heels in and be like, I don't want to be hidden. I don't want to pull back. I don't want to say no to these things. But when you realize what can grow there, you're like, actually hide me away, Lord. Like I would do it again because it is the fruit that is lasting. It's the fruit that other people can tangibly grab onto and be like, how do you have that? But people on today's day and age don't realize that on social media because it seems like overnight she did X, or Z. Overnight, she lost the weight. Overnight, she got the following. Overnight, she made the money. Overnight, her family is so peaceful. Overnight, and it's not overnight, but it can feel that way. So I just want to encourage people who are listening that are like... How do I get there? Sometimes it takes a year or two of pulling back or a month or God can do it in a week, but will you let him have that week? And if he says, stay there, will you stay there for two more? And then another year or month or whatever it is he's calling you to do and really listen to the Holy Spirit and be led by him and be obedient in our hearts. So I just, love that you were able to come back to this place and have more peace within it. I want to kind of shift into talking about motherhood as our mission field, because you also touched on that on social media. How do you wake up every day? Just kind of explain this to the person that's like, wake up feeling like I'm scrambling, like I'm missing everything, like I'm missing myself, like I'm missing my kids. And how do they get to the place where they can say, no, this is a mission field. I'm so excited to start the day. I think that is so, so good. I am currently like this morning, finally got my Bible right next to my bed. I am working on being the kind of woman who first thing does not reach for my phone. Just to be honest, I'm still working on that. just getting in the word first thing. ⁓ Even if that, like right now I'm trying to memorize Psalm 34. I'm trying to keep it so simple. don't always have time to just, I love the idea of reading through the Bible this year and that is a goal, but just make it bite-sized and don't feel shame if you just have time for a little bit. Like give that little bit so wholeheartedly unto the Lord. And I think letting that bleed into the rest of your day where everything that you do, as little as it is, it's just done wholeheartedly unto Him. I wrote this poster, I made this drawing about just how when we give God our little, He can use it for a lot. And just this theme of the fish in the lobes has so defined. motherhood for me right now and that he's not asking for something extravagant. Like he's asking for me to give him the next thing wholeheartedly and trust him to use it. Nicole, you draw those? I do. Yeah. I love that. Do you do the graphics also when you have like the static post and it's a verse? Do you do those? Yes. Yeah. They're so beautiful. Wow. You're so talented. Thank you. Thank you. And fun. A creative outlet. Yeah. And I think that's so important to kind of think about even that like, the fishes and loaves or just this one Psalm I'm going to read and memorize for this year and talking about those bite-sized pieces. I encourage people so I run these holy habits challenges where we really are focusing on like no phone in the morning, know, doing all these things and really just celebrating. the bite-sized pieces, celebrating the small things and not feeling like, okay, I only read one verse, but I didn't get to this whole passage. So now it's 10 steps back. And now I'm so ashamed that I don't even open my Bible the rest of the week. If we celebrate, know I got in the word and God can do more with that one verse than he can with a forced quiet time. And I'm trusting him. in this, like as unto the Lord, right? And when we celebrate these things, there's more reinforcement, there's more ⁓ excitement, there's more motivation because we don't start with being motivated. Half the time we start with being desperate if we're being really honest. And just coming from this place of knowing like it's not motivation that leads me. It's not having the perfect life in the perfect circumstances that are going to lead me. It's waking up every day and trying again and being able to say God's gonna meet me in my trying instead of God's gonna meet me in my perfection. I think we have to put off that idea that we have to be perfect to be able to have the peace or whatever it is. And I see that you're walking that out. So I just think it's so beautiful. Thank you. I love everything you just shared. want to do your holy habits. I want to do the challenge. Yes. We're doing a new one. It'll start March 1st through March 31st and we're going to go through Proverbs. Amazing. I'm in. Yes. I'll love to have you. So talk about, okay, you start your day and maybe you're not reaching for your phone and you're getting in the word, whether it's a lot or a little, and now a tantrum hits and breakfast dishes are still out and it's almost noon. How do you to that piece because I know you recently had a hard week. So talk about how you fought for it and got back to a good place. Yes, absolutely. I, with my firstborn daughter having a genetic syndrome, tantrums and meltdowns have honestly defined a big part of motherhood for me. At one point, I remember telling the doctors that we were having 50 plus intense meltdowns a day. So there has been, all of this has been formed in the midst of a lot of chaos and noise. And honestly, I'm an easily overstimulated person. I love the peace and quiet. And so I have learned to, think the theme of it all is just surrender. It's surrendering our expectations of how we think the day will go. surrendering our expectations of how we want motherhood to go, surrendering our expectations of how we want our child to behave, just surrendering everything that we're hanging onto and holding onto so tightly and letting the Lord meet us in what is right in front of us and letting him use it, letting him use the tantrum to refine us. ⁓ Just in every single moment, there's an opportunity to meet him and to be ⁓ filled up by Him and renewed by Him. And so I think that's kind of the season that I'm in is embracing where He's meeting me each day, even if it's not how I want it to happen or look like. Yeah. You mentioned the fishes and loaves, and I know that there are some biblical truth that you kind of cling to, but what is it that makes you feel from the Word itself? that makes you feel like seen or known or loved or that you can carry on and God's going to multiply your efforts in that day? ⁓ I was just this morning ⁓ in John 13 reading about ⁓ Mary anointing Jesus. I don't know, every day it is definitely something different, but I think just I feel blessed too because I have a history of God where I have been walking with Him. Honestly, we've not had the easy road just the past 10 years. My daughter is one piece of it, but we've walked through a lot of hardships and trials. My father-in-law just passed away the night before Thanksgiving after 10 years of ALS. Thank you. We've known God in suffering. for many seasons. And so I feel like I can pull on my history with God and the ways that He's met me in so many different moments. ⁓ yeah, right now it does feel like the fishes and the loaves. like, this is what I have to give God. But I am thankful that I have known Him as a friend ⁓ in so many different contexts and circumstances. And that's a blessing in and of itself, for sure. I remember so vividly one day during worship, ⁓ shortly after my son's diagnosis, I was standing there and somebody came up to me and was just whispering in my ear some encouragement before we all sat back down. And she said to me, you are going to know Jesus as friend in this season. Like he is going to become your companion. And I really did learn what that looked like. And I think if people don't know what that is, go through the Bible and ask God reveal. Jesus to me as friend, reveal yourself to me as friend and start searching through the verses because I think we can know like the wrath of God. A lot of us grew up learning about the wrath of God and then you know the love of God, which is like a very important piece. And then you have to also know like Holy Spirit as leader and guidance through our everyday lives, but also Jesus as friend. And when you have that sense of friend companion, who do you call in the middle of the hard moments? Who do you voice message? Who are you texting? It's that tangible friendship. But when you can first find that in the Lord, you will realize how seen you are because even a friend can give you advice that sometimes feels like, does she think I'm missing the mark here? And we can read into it the wrong way. But God will always show up to remind us that we are loved, that we are seen, that we are known, and His Word will always either refine us and convict us in a gentle and encouraging way or encourage us in a way that's like, know what? Yes, I do have this. ⁓ Fishes and loaves, right? He will multiply my efforts. I know if I just show up and I'm surrendered to him, he will do it. And so I encourage people who are listening, please search and find him as friend because your life will be transformed by that. It really will. Amen. That's so good. Yeah. Are there any books that you've been reading recently that you're like these? have really been helpful for me in motherhood specifically. ⁓ An all-time favorite book for both my husband and I is called Habits of the Household. Have you read that one? It is on my list. It's on my list. I've got several. I'm like, Hunt, Gather, Parent, Habits of the Household. I think there's one. ⁓ Is it 14 Principles by Paul David Tripp, the Parenting Principles book? Yeah, there's a couple that are on my list. So tell me about this one. Yes, Habits of the Household by Justin Early. 10 out of 10 recommend. I've bought copies for friends, especially with your Holy Habits challenge. think you would really love it. But it just talks a lot about establishing healthy rhythms in the context of family and breaks it down into like meal times and screen time. And just it's so practical and exactly what we need right now. And so I highly recommend everyone go purchase that book. I can honestly say that I think it changed my life. so the top recommendation. And then I mentioned The Practice of the Presence by Brother Lawrence. it's a short, tiny, simple read. But that I've also been just trying to keep out and picking up and reading a few chapters. And it's so good. Also definitely. Yeah. There's also one, I'll link those two books in the show notes. And then there's another one, even just talking with you reminded me of loving the little years. Have you ever read that? I have not. It is so good for the mom who's like, ugh, you know, where every little thing is just making you go, ⁓ instead of God, I need you or to even see the beauty in the little things because when they're rubbing spaghetti in their hair, I think that's the picture on the cover. It's like, In the moment, you're like, we already did a bath today. But also at the same time, you're like, you're just exploring. And when you look at it as you're just exploring and yes, there's a teachable moment, but they're going to remember that first reaction. And so if we can change our perspective in the way that we react and respond to them in those moments and really encourage them in their exploring while still setting healthy boundaries, I think it's so good. think I want to read habits of the household so much, but before we get there, because I think sometimes we... we'll be in this place where it's almost like I have to force a routine. You have to understand how to shift the mindset out of being like, she can't have two baths today. We already took a bath. So why do we need a second one? Or we did bath night last night. I don't want to have to do it again tonight. So I'm going to try to have no mess. Kids are going to make a mess and you can apply that to like every situation. And when you shift your perspective out of it, then you can so easily go into a rhythm instead of a routine and you're not upset. Because if one person if you're dancing and you talk about rhythm that way one person missteps What do you do you and your partner you gather together and you figure out the next step you just keep going But when you're on a routine and you're off routine now You're late to every single next appointment that you have and so it's really just shifting that mindset and the Lord meets us there so that we can be in a rhythm with him and a dance with him throughout the whole day and Nicole I feel like when I see you in your kitchen you are dancing with the Lord So I just want to encourage you with that. ⁓ I received that. That's awesome. Yeah, that's so good. Yeah, this was such a good and encouraging episode just to really hear your heart. Would you mind praying us out for today? Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me, Courtney. This is so life-giving. It's been a blessing. Yes, absolutely. All right, dear Lord, we love you so much. And I just thank you for this time. I thank you for this space that Courtney has created and just all of the different women that you are using this podcast to touch and to minister to. I just pray a blessing over her and the efforts of her hands, Lord. I pray that you would multiply them, that you would multiply every fish and every loaf. And I pray over every woman listening to this today, Lord. We just ask for a fresh touch of your presence, God. I ask that you would meet them where they're at as they go about their day today, as they go about just the mundane rhythms of life, Lord, that they would be filled with fresh perspective of your nearness, Lord. I pray that you would fill them up with your thoughts today, that they would feel so seen by you, God, and that they would know that even Their little efforts mean so much to you, especially when they're done just out of love for you. And so I pray over all of us that you would just give us fresh hunger today for your word, that you would open up our eyes to see you and that you would fill us up with the love of God, that we would be able to really go about our days just walking in that love, walking in. a spirit of love and doing all things unto you, Lord. We love you, Jesus. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Thank you so much for tuning into and being a part of the Mission for More podcast. I'm so grateful to have you here. And I'm so grateful that we got to hear from Nicole today. If you want to follow her on social media, her handle is it's Nicole Allen. I will leave that in the show notes along with linking the three books that we discussed in the podcast today. If you have books that you would recommend, I would love to hear about them in the comments and make sure you're subscribed so that you can tune into every episode that comes out. have some amazing guests continuing in the pipeline and I'm just excited for you to hear from you. each and every one of them. I will see you back here next Thursday.