Latest / Hoppe Radio (Hoppe Hour) With Ryan Hoppe / The Hammerin Hank Show With Henry Ochs & Ryan Hoppe: Episode 63

Transcript

The Hammerin Hank Show With Henry Ochs & Ryan Hoppe: Episode 63 · Hoppe Radio (Hoppe Hour) With Ryan Hoppe

• 0:00
  What up, Hammer and Hank? How are you? Just fine.
• 0:04
  That was a lot of... What'd you say? I don't
• 0:08
  know, buddy. I'm doing good. Hopefully we can
• 0:10
  fight through this Zoom connection. If I hit
• 0:12
  this button, would you be ready to begin the
• 0:15
  show? Yes, buddy. You're listening to The Hammer
• 0:19
  and Hank Show with Henry Oaks and Ryan Hoppy.
• 0:33
  Legend on the air, waist free Autistic kingpin,
• 0:36
  Cali's hard OG Wild 949, he the voice they need
• 0:40
  Doghouse days, laying down the cream Too legit
• 0:43
  to quit, Hammer and Hank on fire Mic in hand,
• 0:46
  lifeline and wire Radio beast ain't showing no
• 0:50
  tire Underdog champion, always going higher What
• 0:54
  up, Hammer and Hank! How are you? How are you?
• 0:59
  It's really good. Man... You have been active
• 1:04
  this week on text messaging every five minutes,
• 1:08
  which it always cheers me up. What up, buddy?
• 1:10
  What's up? What up, Hank? How are you? You've
• 1:13
  been a chatty Kathy this week. How much caffeine,
• 1:18
  how many sodas a day have you been having? About
• 1:22
  two or four. I can tell. Do you have one next
• 1:26
  to you? Nope. I got my Coca -Cola, my Yeti cup,
• 1:30
  because at the radio station, they don't want
• 1:32
  us to... Spill the drink. Does everyone take
• 1:34
  a sip for you? I love how you laugh like that.
• 1:40
  How's your week been, Hank? What's your radio
• 1:42
  memory of the week? My radio memory of the week?
• 1:46
  Mm -hmm. It's when I got to visit a country station
• 1:50
  called K -Tom in Salinas way back in 1992. Were
• 1:55
  they airing Bob and Tom? Nope. It was a country
• 1:59
  station. What's your favorite? I was hooked up
• 2:02
  with a sales kit. They love those sales kits
• 2:06
  in radio. That's just, you know you're in radio
• 2:09
  when you're giving away a sales kit. Yeah. Your
• 2:14
  voice just cracked. Hammer and Hank, any other
• 2:17
  memories in your 49 million years in radio? Nothing
• 2:23
  for this week. Wow, nothing else. You've gotten
• 2:27
  blowjobs on air. You've had billboards. You've
• 2:30
  sang a national anthem about nine times. You
• 2:33
  did Battle of the Bay or whatever it was. You
• 2:36
  did all these doghouse memories. And you don't
• 2:39
  have another memory? You're out? Yes, actually.
• 2:44
  Do you have another one? When I jumped off the
• 2:47
  diving board at the James Lick High School San
• 2:51
  Jose way back in 1998 with Big Joe. How was that?
• 2:57
  Was that a fun day? It was very fun. Mm -hmm.
• 3:01
  Glad you had a good time, buddy. I'm going to
• 3:04
  hit the music here because I don't have all day.
• 3:07
  And I want to do the joke, so let me hit the
• 3:09
  music. Does that work with you? Okay, buddy.
• 3:11
  All righty. All right, Hank, let's start out
• 3:35
  with the normal jokes and then we'll do football
• 3:38
  jokes. Why do I always clean right before someone
• 3:44
  comes over? Because I like pretending I live
• 3:49
  this way all the time. Why do I keep checking
• 3:55
  my bank account? Why? Because apparently, I think
• 3:59
  money grows when I'm not looking. Why do I always
• 4:05
  say I'll remember that? Why? Because writing
• 4:09
  it down would be too easy. Why do I always take
• 4:15
  my phone to the bathroom? Why? Because apparently,
• 4:18
  three minutes alone... With my thoughts is a
• 4:22
  little too much. Mm -hmm. Why do I always order
• 4:27
  too much food? Why? Because hungry me has absolutely
• 4:32
  no respect for full me. Oh, jeez. Why do I always
• 4:37
  park in the same spot? Why? Because finding my
• 4:42
  car is already difficult enough. Mm -hmm. Why
• 4:47
  do I always say I'm going to bed early tonight?
• 4:50
  Why? Because I enjoy starting the evening with
• 4:53
  a lie. Okay. Why do I turn my radio down when
• 4:59
  I'm lost? Why? Because apparently my eyes can
• 5:03
  hear better sounds. Why do I keep clothes that
• 5:10
  don't fit anymore? Why? Because apparently my
• 5:15
  closet believes in second chances. Why do I I
• 5:20
  always forget someone's name right after meeting
• 5:22
  them. Why? Because my brain apparently has a
• 5:26
  very strict guest list. Got it. And now for the
• 5:32
  football jokes. Why did the football coach go
• 5:37
  to the bank? Why? Because he needed a quarterback.
• 5:42
  Why was the football stadium so cold? Because
• 5:46
  it was full of fans. Why did the football player
• 5:51
  bring a ladder? Why? Because he wanted to make
• 5:54
  it to the next level. Why did the football player
• 5:59
  go to the bakery? Why? Why did the football player
• 6:02
  go to the bakery? Why? Because he wanted a turnover.
• 6:08
  Why was the football player good at fishing?
• 6:11
  Why? Because he already knew how to make a great
• 6:15
  catch. Why did the quarterback bring a suitcase?
• 6:20
  I don't know. Because he was ready to pack the
• 6:23
  defense. Why did the football player bring a
• 6:27
  string on to the field? I don't know. Because
• 6:31
  he wanted to tie the game. Why did the quarterback
• 6:36
  become a comedian? I don't know. Because he had
• 6:40
  great delivery. Why did the football player bring
• 6:44
  a map? Why? Because he couldn't find the end
• 6:48
  zone. And finally, why did the football team
• 6:52
  go to the restaurant? Why? Because they were
• 6:55
  hungry for a win. And that's it for the jokes.
• 7:02
  Let me load up the NFL music I play every day
• 7:07
  on my show. This is also on Hot 97 .7 on Monday
• 7:12
  morning. Say hi to Fresno. I'm not Fresno. Oh,
• 7:19
  it says here. We got NFL predictions. What do
• 7:24
  you think of the NFL, Hank? The NFL's okay. What
• 7:29
  do you mean? I predict the Chiefs win it all
• 7:31
  this year. I think that I'm bringing back Eric
• 7:34
  B. Under me is huge. Why don't you do awful this
• 7:40
  year? Do what? The 49ers. I think it'll be okay.
• 7:45
  You'll be okay. I'm a little worried about the
• 7:47
  Bears because they got Caleb Williams on the
• 7:50
  cover. Madden. That's not good. There's the Madden
• 7:56
  curse. You don't want to be on the cover of Madden.
• 7:59
  You would hate it. Because there's always the
• 8:02
  Madden curse. Although, I think you would break
• 8:07
  the Madden curse. And you would also break some
• 8:11
  girls' backs, which we'll get into in a sec.
• 8:13
  But first... You have no idea what I just did
• 8:25
  because we were doing it on Zoom, but I was letting
• 8:27
  the NFL music finish out. So there you go, Hank.
• 8:30
  Hanky, I was very intrigued by this next topic.
• 8:35
  A lot of times, it's my favorite TV commercial
• 8:38
  from the 80s or radio memories. This is a topic
• 8:42
  that I am fascinated by. It says, number five,
• 8:47
  should I apply for a dating app? Should hammer
• 8:52
  it, Hank? Henry Oaks, be on a dating app. What's
• 8:56
  on your mind, Henry? I'm not thinking about applying
• 9:00
  for a dating app. The good one would be Hinge.
• 9:04
  Mm -hmm. That'd be cool. Not Bumble, not Tinder,
• 9:09
  because those are clout chasing broads. No, I'm
• 9:13
  telling you. I think Hinge, because you have
• 9:16
  a lot of prompts. So it'll be like, my favorite
• 9:19
  thing to do is, and then it'll have, so like,
• 9:23
  Let me get my profile. I'm going to read it to
• 9:27
  you. Let me know what you think. I actually kind
• 9:28
  of want your critique. You don't need to hold
• 9:32
  back. You never do. Let's see here. All right.
• 9:35
  So you see right here, this is a visual, but
• 9:37
  you see the picture? Yes. All right. It says,
• 9:42
  whoa, and this is my page. Whoa, I instantly
• 9:44
  hit it off. If you like holding hands while I
• 9:48
  drive on our first date, I like to cuddle on
• 9:51
  the couch after a long day. You believe in the
• 9:54
  concept of a ride or die. Dating me is like realizing
• 9:57
  that everyone will look since I'm the tallest
• 10:00
  person in the room. Blah, blah, blah. You get
• 10:03
  the point. My point is, I think it would be the
• 10:05
  best one for you because of your autism because
• 10:08
  you could say, hey, I don't drive, but I'm high
• 10:11
  -functioning autism. I have a radio crew. You
• 10:14
  know what I'm saying? I feel like Bumble and
• 10:16
  Tinder is a little too skanky for you, but I
• 10:20
  think Hinge is the way to go. It's the way to
• 10:23
  go too, buddy. But Hank, I got to ask you something.
• 10:29
  First of all, what would Smurfette think? I don't
• 10:35
  know. She'll probably have mixed emotions. Yeah,
• 10:38
  because at some point, dude, you deserve to live
• 10:41
  out your golden years. Right, buddy. That's what
• 10:45
  I'm saying. I don't know. I think you're... I'm
• 10:49
  going to be real. I think you're functioning
• 10:50
  enough to date somebody. I think there would
• 10:52
  be moments that there'd be, I mean, obviously
• 10:55
  arguments, but you're not, but I'm here. I'll
• 10:58
  get paid for this. I love you. You're a lovable
• 11:01
  guy. I think you'd be great. Now, if you were
• 11:06
  to go on a first date, if there's a hot ass one,
• 11:10
  what are the towns nearby you? I know you're
• 11:13
  in the San Francisco. You're in Hayward, right?
• 11:16
  Right. I'm in Hayward. So anybody near Hayward,
• 11:20
  California listening, and it's Hammer and Hank
• 11:24
  right now. Hammer and Hank, I'm going to give
• 11:26
  you the floor. Pitch yourself. Give yourself,
• 11:29
  think of this as an audition to get a hot ass
• 11:32
  girlfriend. Think of this as - My name is Hammer
• 11:34
  and Hank. I live in Hayward, California. I spent
• 11:38
  many, many, many years working in the radio business.
• 11:41
  I just been elected to the Bay Area Radio Hall
• 11:44
  of Fame with the Dog House. And I'm trying to
• 11:48
  attend some concerts. Hank, that was not bad.
• 11:52
  The last part was good. Here's the thing. Have
• 11:55
  a picture of you and Marley on the couch. Have
• 11:58
  a picture of your billboard. And then have a
• 12:00
  picture of you smiling like the one of you wearing
• 12:02
  the hot 97 .7 outfit. The thing is, you want
• 12:07
  people to date Henry. For Henry! I've dated cloud
• 12:12
  chasing broads that liked me because I was on
• 12:15
  the radio. And then when I left the radio show,
• 12:17
  buh -bye, running sound effects from Looney Tunes,
• 12:20
  never hear from them again. Here's my point.
• 12:22
  We want to get Hank a woman that's loyal. We
• 12:26
  want to get Hank a woman that ain't going to
• 12:28
  just be like, oh my God, I'm hanging out with
• 12:30
  the greatest autistic radio talent ever. And
• 12:33
  I believe that. What I'm telling you, you need
• 12:35
  to be like, hi, my name is Henry. I work in the
• 12:38
  media business for the last, let's say, Let's
• 12:41
  say 35 years, and I love hanging out with my
• 12:45
  family. You know what I mean? So let's do one
• 12:49
  more take. Less about the Radio Hall of Fame.
• 12:52
  Let's get to know, because listen, Hank, before
• 12:54
  you say it, there's two versions of me. There's
• 12:57
  this loud jackass known as Hoppy, and then there's
• 12:59
  Ryan. I obviously don't go around on dates going,
• 13:02
  mm -hmm. All my dates listen to my show, and
• 13:05
  they go, is that what's going to be the first
• 13:06
  date? So here's my point. Forget... Your hammer
• 13:11
  and hank career. You're Henry. Let's do the audio
• 13:14
  dating app of Henry. A take two. What's up? My
• 13:19
  name's Henry Oaks, OCHS. I'm also known as the
• 13:23
  world's most lovable autistic. I spent many years
• 13:27
  working in the media business. I would love to
• 13:30
  go on a date with a lovely female to a concert.
• 13:34
  Yes! Yes! Good job. This will be a video. And
• 13:42
  we will be promoting you. Now the thing is. Oh
• 13:45
  yeah. If things get hot and heavy Hank. Wear
• 13:52
  that condom. It's not as good but. We don't need
• 13:56
  Hank babies out there. Especially at your age.
• 14:00
  We don't need the Hank babies either. I love
• 14:05
  you dude. It says right here. Your birthday wish
• 14:09
  list for November 16th. What do you want for
• 14:11
  your birthday? My birthday wish list so far?
• 14:18
  I'm not going to pass. That's reasonable. At
• 14:22
  some point, when I figure out my budget, which
• 14:25
  is probably my next paycheck, I'm going to pay
• 14:28
  for your Chet GBT as an early present. I said
• 14:31
  that last month, and I'm sticking to it. Let
• 14:33
  me figure out, because here's the thing, ladies
• 14:35
  and gentlemen, boys and girls, people listening.
• 14:37
  Hank first loved Chad GVT. It's brilliant for
• 14:40
  autistic people. But what happened was because
• 14:43
  he's using the free version, it didn't let him
• 14:45
  use it anymore. So I'm not looking to be one
• 14:48
  of the radio hosts that goes, hey, I'm helping
• 14:50
  out the guy. But I'm going to help you out, Hank.
• 14:53
  I'm going to get you Chad GVT Plus in like two
• 14:56
  or three weeks. And then go talk to him about
• 14:59
  building this podcast, okay? Is there anything
• 15:02
  else you want for your birthday? Yes. What? Maybe
• 15:09
  some Warrior basketball tickets. You know what
• 15:14
  you need to do? I say this every time we bring
• 15:19
  it up. Hank, what you got to do is you got this
• 15:24
  likability to you that most people don't have.
• 15:28
  I honestly don't even. Sometimes when you're
• 15:30
  around an autistic person, the whole time you
• 15:33
  realize the person's autistic. I forget you're
• 15:36
  just Hank. You're just Henry. Yeah, you have
• 15:40
  autism, but fuck it. What I'm saying to you,
• 15:43
  ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, is you
• 15:44
  have a very likability when asking for things.
• 15:47
  You asked me, I was in the middle of a hurricane.
• 15:49
  You're like, hey, can I come on happy hour? And
• 15:51
  then the show began. I need you to use that Henry
• 15:54
  Oaks charm and hit up some people that have power.
• 15:59
  and ask if there's any way to get discounts on
• 16:01
  Warriors tickets, and voila, it could happen.
• 16:05
  Make it happen, Captain. Does that make sense?
• 16:11
  Yes, it does, buddy. You are at a loss of words.
• 16:15
  Hammer and Hank, we have a comment here. Henry,
• 16:19
  I've been a fan of you since when you worked
• 16:21
  on Mancow's morning show. Keep up the good work.
• 16:25
  Hey, buddy. And also, I was talking, do you know
• 16:29
  who Flying Brian is? He used to be on 105 .5
• 16:32
  The Beat in Fort Myers. Yes, buddy. He was a
• 16:37
  huge fan of the Dog House. Listened to them online.
• 16:40
  He used to buy tapes of them online, I believe.
• 16:42
  Or somehow, back in the day, the Dog House influenced
• 16:45
  Flying Brian and the Freak Show in Fort Myers
• 16:47
  to its quarter century of being number one. and
• 16:51
  I was talking to him yesterday about radio because
• 16:53
  I was trying to, he got laid off by iHeart. There's
• 16:57
  a non -compete. He can't do anything right now,
• 16:59
  but I was talking to him, and we were talking
• 17:01
  about radio, and his quote about you is, Hammer
• 17:04
  and Hank is the GOAT, one of God's most special
• 17:07
  people. Thank you, buddy. We love you, Hank.
• 17:12
  Thank you, buddy. All right, I feel like I'm
• 17:13
  talking too much. Hammer and Hank, let's see
• 17:16
  here. If I hit the music, would you be ready
• 17:18
  for Buddy of the Week? Yes. All right. My buddy
• 17:52
  of the week is definitely Selena from Lonnie
• 17:54
  for 9, and also Graham and Jess. What do they
• 17:57
  do? They play my talkbacks from time to time.
• 18:04
  Oh, you do talkbacks in the talkback button?
• 18:08
  Yes, I do. What are the usually ongoing topics?
• 18:12
  Mm -hmm. Talkback button. You click on the microphone
• 18:16
  on the iPod. No, no, no, no, Hank. And you...
• 18:19
  Every fucking, listen, every talk break, I heard
• 18:23
  talking about the talkback button. I think everyone,
• 18:24
  I'm saying, what are some examples of things
• 18:27
  you've left on the talkback button? Mm -hmm.
• 18:31
  My national anthem performances. So wait, you
• 18:34
  would sing the national anthem into the talkback?
• 18:37
  Nope, I would promote it. Oh, got it. That would
• 18:40
  be a good one. You should do parody songs. My
• 18:43
  name is Graham. I'm from Napa Valley and I'm
• 18:47
  a pretty boy. I'm glad that made you laugh. Are
• 18:52
  you ready for Prickin' the News? Yes. Yes. What's
• 19:24
  going on Hank? Who's your prick of the week?
• 19:29
  Actually, Jordan Lee, who has let go from his
• 19:32
  radio job in Wisconsin. Because of a lewd act
• 19:36
  on a child. So this guy was in charge of Radio
• 19:40
  1 out there in Milwaukee. You texted me this
• 19:43
  after I was leaving Toy Story 5 and I Googled
• 19:45
  it. And Hank, I think this country is way too
• 19:49
  nice to pedophiles. I think that once you're
• 19:53
  found guilty, you take them out to the back,
• 19:55
  you grab the shotgun, and you go, bye. You did
• 19:58
  a terrible job programming radio. Mm -hmm. How
• 20:03
  would you deal with pedophiles? Would you put
• 20:06
  them out to the pasture? Confront them. You would
• 20:11
  what? I would confront them. What would you say
• 20:14
  to this guy? I'd make sure they are locked up
• 20:17
  for a long, long time. How many years? About
• 20:21
  50. 50? 50. Yes, Jordan's never getting out.
• 20:26
  He's probably 40 years old. I saw he used just
• 20:29
  for meth because he's a loser. He's a loser.
• 20:35
  And also, the boss of K &B on San Francisco for
• 20:40
  letting Gray Papa go. Yeah, that was very sad.
• 20:43
  Doesn't he have cancer as well? He has cancer,
• 20:47
  yes. Hank, what are some random thoughts on your
• 20:51
  mind? Well, I have a blood test this Tuesday.
• 20:57
  I mean, I have to come in and do some lab work.
• 21:00
  You'll be okay, buddy. You're just getting old.
• 21:03
  I'll be okay. God's on your side. You'll be fine.
• 21:07
  Anything else? That's it. All right. Let me load
• 21:11
  up the button here. Give me a second here. Oh!
• 21:17
  One second. I got a loader. We're taking a screenshot.
• 21:24
  All right. Everyone's going to be patient. Let's
• 21:27
  get zeroed up. All right. One, two, three. We
• 21:35
  got Lena on the show. Hey, Lena. How the hell
• 21:41
  are you? You just scratched me, you little bitch.
• 21:43
  Oh, you're so cute. There's Lena. Lena. I love
• 21:49
  this kid. You're cute. That was psychotic. Hammer
• 21:56
  it, Hank. Let me. text myself this picture. We
• 21:59
  look cute. We always look cute because we're
• 22:03
  handsome. You want to hear something funny? Yes.
• 22:10
  Supposedly because I have a loud mouth. People
• 22:12
  can hear me through the walls. I'm not at work
• 22:14
  right now, but at work people can hear the show.
• 22:19
  Okay, buddy. Anyway, I'm just kind of prolonging.
• 22:22
  I hate when the show ends. It's so sad. Hate
• 22:26
  it too, buddy. We'll have next week episode 64.
• 22:30
  Because this was a 60, a 3. All right. Hammerhead
• 22:37
  Hank. I give you the floor. Sign off. All right.
• 22:42
  I got to say what's up to all my buddies out
• 22:44
  there. I love you so much. And I'll talk to you
• 22:47
  real soon. Peace in your hood. Bye, Hank. I love
• 22:51
  you. I love you too. Bye. And there he goes on
• 22:55
  his own. If you're listening on 97 .7, I'm pretty
• 23:05
  caffeinated. And happy hour begins in two minutes.
• 23:08
  And that is that. Yeah. Yo, yo, yo, Mike Crackle,
• 23:31
  hammering Hank on the tackle. Autistic mind sharper
• 23:34
  than a bone -chilling shackle. Henry Oates with
• 23:36
  the hops, Ryan hopped in the spot. Radio waves
• 23:38
  hitting hard like a chef with a pot. Farewell,
• 23:41
  hammering Hank, gotta close up the show. Legend
• 23:44
  in the booth where the vibes used to flow. Autism
• 23:47
  warrior, always running the glow. But all good
• 23:49
  things gotta let the curtain go. Slug down, spitting
• 23:52
  truth with his unique grind. Thoughts intertwined
• 23:55
  like graffiti on the line. Run, run, run, run,
• 23:57
  run, run. We'll be right back. Puzzle piece crown,
• 24:29
  man. This dude was the boss. City missed the
• 24:31
  voice. That's the ultimate coast. where the vibes
• 25:07
  used to flow. Autism warrior always running the
• 25:10
  glow. But all good things gotta let the curtain
• 25:13
  go slow. Radio gate never goes. He a host with
• 25:26
  the stars. Harry Oaks and Ryan Hoff. Lightning
• 25:28
  never lost. Puzzle piece crown. What's up? Ryan
• 25:57
  Hoppe here. And I want to tell you about the
• 25:59
  Ride the Wave Media Podcast Network. They got
• 26:03
  such great shows. It's Practically Magic, Those
• 26:06
  Guys, Blaine's World, and even my show, Hoppe
• 26:09
  Hour with Ryan Hoppe, which can be heard by searching
• 26:12
  Hoppe Radio. This podcast network is going to
• 26:16
  take over the world. It is everything that radio
• 26:19
  is missing. Now you're hearing my voice and you
• 26:21
  go, how can I find it? RideTheWave .media is
• 26:25
  the website. And there has all the great podcasts.
• 26:29
  And once again, this is Ryan Hoppy from the Ride
• 26:32
  to Wave Media Podcast Network. What's up? Ryan
• 26:35
  Hoppy here. And I want to tell you about the
• 26:37
  Ride to Wave Media Podcast Network. They got
• 26:41
  such great shows as Practically Magic, Those
• 26:44
  Guys, Blame the World, and even my show, Hoppy
• 26:48
  Hour with Ryan Hoppy, which can be heard by searching
• 26:50
  Hoppy Radio. This podcast network is going to
• 26:54
  take over the world and It is everything that
• 26:56
  radio is missing. Now you're hearing my voice
• 26:59
  and you go, how can I find it? RideTheWave .media
• 27:03
  is the website name and there has all the great
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  podcasts. And once again, this is Ryan Hoppe
• 27:09
  from the RideTheWave Media Podcast Network.