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When Silence Becomes Home: Why You've Learned to Stay Quiet (And How It's Affecting Your Relationships · A Capture Deep Vibs A Positive Space For Inspiration And Embracing Of Heart

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  Speaker 1: There are many reasons to keep quiet. Sometimes it's better
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  Speaker 1: to listen, or maybe you don't want to draw attention
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  Speaker 1: to yourself. Your reasons can have a negative or positive impact,
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  Speaker 1: but what happens when you're quiet for so long that
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  Speaker 1: you get used to it? These are the reasons why
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  Speaker 1: you're so used to being quiet. Restoration. It can be
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  Speaker 1: hard being human. When we're in a stressful environment, it
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  Speaker 1: seems like we're only ever using our voices to solve
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  Speaker 1: problems and extinguish conflicts. There's very little time and space
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  Speaker 1: left for us to find the joy in speaking and socializing.
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  Speaker 1: The only way for us to restore our minds is
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  Speaker 1: to pull ourselves out of conversations and try to create
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  Speaker 1: an environment of quietness around ourselves. When this is the
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  Speaker 1: only way to restore ourselves, you might get used to
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  Speaker 1: being silent for extended periods of time. According to psychologist
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  Speaker 1: Miriam Elson, Silence can be a source of quiet growth
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  Speaker 1: and restoration through which we can be strengthened. Being quiet
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  Speaker 1: could be a good thing as you're taking time to
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  Speaker 1: heal and find peace. But if you're constantly trying to
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  Speaker 1: restore yourself, there could be a source of stress in
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  Speaker 1: your life that is causing you harm. Getting close to people.
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  Speaker 1: Is it possible to get too close to people? Maybe
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  Speaker 1: you've been hurt by someone you never thought could hurt you.
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  Speaker 1: Psychologist Arnold Buss posits that fearful shyness and quietness can
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  Speaker 1: come after failing a social evaluation. Meaning, when we know
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  Speaker 1: that we messed up in a social setting, it can
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  Speaker 1: scare us into shying away from the next social situation.
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  Speaker 1: If someone like a close friend made you feel embarrassed
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  Speaker 1: for speaking, that would, understandably, make you feel really bad.
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  Speaker 1: The next time you have something to say, you might
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  Speaker 1: choose not to. And the next time, and the next.
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  Speaker 1: Until eventually you end up self-isolating and being far less
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  Speaker 1: sociable than you once were. Over time, you might even
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  Speaker 1: forget what it was that made you not like speaking,
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  Speaker 1: and you've gotten used to staying silent. You are not interested.
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  Speaker 1: There's a stereotype that people with depression are quiet. That
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  Speaker 1: may be true for some, but not all. However, there
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  Speaker 1: is a specific symptom of depression that may be the
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  Speaker 1: cause of someone becoming quiet. That is a lack of interest.
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  Speaker 1: This could be a loss of interest in your friends,
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  Speaker 1: things that used to make you happy, or your goals
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  Speaker 1: and aspirations. You might be so used to this feeling
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  Speaker 1: that you don't even notice how quiet you've gotten. You
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  Speaker 1: might have stopped believing that there is anything worth talking about.
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  Speaker 1: And that's why it's so easy to believe that someone
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  Speaker 1: who has lost interest and has become quiet is also depressed.
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  Speaker 1: If this sounds like you, you may be experiencing anhedonia,
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  Speaker 1: which is an inability to enjoy things that are usually enjoyable.
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  Speaker 1: According to clinical psychologist, Rebecca Watson and her colleagues, anhedonia
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  Speaker 1: can be more than just an inability to enjoy things. Specifically,
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  Speaker 1: you may experience a loss of motivation and sense of connection.
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  Speaker 1: Without that sense of connection, it can be hard to
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  Speaker 1: find opportunities to talk, even if you wanted to. Observant.
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  Speaker 1: You've become used to observing and deriving more entertainment from
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  Speaker 1: that than actually participating. It might feel better to see
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  Speaker 1: the interpersonal drama of your peers from the outside looking in,
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  Speaker 1: or if you enjoy being more involved, you might have
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  Speaker 1: started to take an active listening role. Either way, you've
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  Speaker 1: gotten used to not getting too involved and instead hanging
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  Speaker 1: back and observing. If you fall within an observant personality
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  Speaker 1: type or you're a thinker, for example, INTJ or ESTJ,
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  Speaker 1: you might be used to being silent. This is because
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  Speaker 1: your priority in social settings is taking in information. If
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  Speaker 1: this sounds like you, according to psychologist Joseph Forgus, you
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  Speaker 1: may experience mood congruence. Typically, when we're friends, we should
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  Speaker 1: be happy. But if you're used to being a silent observer,
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  Speaker 1: you might not find joy in being social. Being silent
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  Speaker 1: shouldn't come with a stigma. It doesn't mean you're depressed,
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  Speaker 1: less passionate or rude, but it is important to take
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  Speaker 1: a close look at why you might've gotten used to
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  Speaker 1: being silent. It could point to some sort of dissatisfaction.
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  Speaker 1: If you're used to being silent, it's perfectly normal to
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  Speaker 1: prefer being silent. But if you're worried that your extended
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  Speaker 1: silence is a problem, please try to look after yourself
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  Speaker 1: by breaking the silence and speak to a professional. If
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  Speaker 1: you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe to Psych2Go
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: for more videos like this. Do you have any theories
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  Speaker 1: as why you might be used to being so silent?
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  Speaker 1: Let us know in the comments. And remember, you are important.