Latest / Books4Guys / Connect or Die: Why Human Relationships Matter More Than Ever | Jim Morris

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Connect or Die: Why Human Relationships Matter More Than Ever | Jim Morris · Books4Guys

• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I use I use my AI a lot, uh, more and more every single day.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, but these these conversations about how to navigate this this world, man, they they need to be had because I I'm seeing exactly what you've been writing about.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I see your book behind you too, Connect or Die.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: I love the title because I think it's uh it's powerful enough to grab some attention, which I'm sure that was your your purpose behind it.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Totally, totally.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's you know, with the book title, right?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I own a um a company that helps people write books and and publish books.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's called human touch publishing, but that's one of the biggest pieces that I think a lot of people forget about or have a very specific title or not specific enough.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I think with Connect or Die, right, it can mean two things.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know, uh one being, you know, internally you dying because you're not connected to folks, you you feel lonely, you know, maybe some things aren't going correctly, you need to borrow belief from someone if you're chasing a big goal or trying to do big things and push your limits and live to your capacity.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And in those moments, we may not have all the belief yet.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: We may not know all the pieces to the puzzle.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um so connection is important in that way.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, I feel that when you outsource your genius, when you outsource your truth, your emotions, your stories, essentially you are dying as a human because, you know, that's what people are attracted to.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's what AI can't create.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I see it in marketing, I see it in social media copy, I see it in manuscripts that we receive from folks who want to work with us, where it's not their story.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: There, and I can tell in a lot of ways.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, it's it's not like I can tell everything, right?
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I you know, I've only been doing this for a little bit, but a lot of it is there's a lack of emotion, there's a lack of specific details to some of those stories.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where people really lean in.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: They really resonate, and that emotion is relatable, right?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I think we're missing a lot of that stuff nowadays.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's funny you say that, and I was gonna ask a little bit about your publishing company, but I had some, you know, I do this now.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not an author yet.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm got something in the works, but obviously a lot of people ask me to read their books and stuff now, just with our with the platform.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I had someone recently send over a manuscript, and I was like, immediately it's just single line, single line, single line.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, this is chat GPT, like the entire book.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, this isn't, you didn't write this, and I didn't know how to like say it nicely.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I figured something out, but I was just like, like the the story is a good message, but you probably need to write it to where it has the effect you want it to, and not just, you know, let chat GPT and then you publish it as your own.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's just not like within the first page, I was like, I'm no longer interested in reading this because I know what it is, and it didn't have the human touch, just like you said, didn't have like the feels to it.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't feel like it wasn't pulling me.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: I was just like, oh, another this looks like a LinkedIn post.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Totally.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, this is a horrible.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you need also need it, it needs to be easy to read.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a very component, you know, powerful component as well, right?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, you and I dialogue and have a conversation, it's very easy back and forth.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, and I think when we put stuff into AI, sometimes it jumbles and you don't the utilization of specific vernacular that isn't easy to understand, doesn't really make sense, or it is it's such high level to explain a common scenario or experience, right?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it and like those two don't really fit, you know.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like I turned the corner and, you know, almost tripped and realized, you know, when I left it, lifted my head, you know, this person was in my life and I had and I was shocked.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we would dialogue.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: I would write it that way, opposed to like I quietly creeped up to the corner and you know, moved in a way where there was a shimmer of light, and I look down and you know, embody, right?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, that's not really that's not easy to read, you know?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I think AI can do a lot of that stuff and really write a check that sometimes we struggle to cash.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I see that in some of the conversations.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, hey, in chapter three, or you know, on that LinkedIn post that you had mentioned, right?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or wherever you're using it, it makes sense when you read it, but if you engage with the author or the person's profile or you d that DM them, they're kind of confused because they don't even remember writing it, right?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And science shows like when you write something and you use your creative brain, you're gonna remember it much deeper and tie back to it.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Where if you just read on a screen what it spit back to you and post it, it's not really sinking in because it's not really you, you know.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it we're we're living in a wild world, man.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's interesting you say that too.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: And and again, I want to go to your second part about dying because you have a specific, you know, example of you could physically die too without having proper relationships.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's an interesting take because a lot of people don't go that far into it, but you're absolutely right.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: But I was thinking about this too, the way people use their voice.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: When you watch people speak over YouTube or or people who know you personally, you have a certain dialogue that you use.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I was thinking about this too as I, again, kind of dabbling in my own potential book.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, people would know immediately, like people know how I talk.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's a little slower, a little southern, like the way I, you know, use certain words.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have I don't use like the biggest words out there.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: So if my book comes off that it's totally different than the way I communicate, people aren't gonna feel and and put my voice to it.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why I like you know, good examples that do do a good job, you know, Matthew McConaughey's book.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: You can hear him talk, you know, so you hear him speak, or other speakers that you hear and you read their book, you're like, I I can put your voice in my head to the words I'm reading, but you can just as much read something and go, I'm not getting you in this text.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it just throws the whole thing off, which is not the goal that people want to have, but you need to think about that if you're gonna write a book.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: But Jim, talk about the other example of of dying in two different ways, because you have a pretty specific story that I think is a really good example that a lot of people don't think about as far as why it's important to have human relationships and and and good ones at that, because you uh you could find yourself in situations where uh it's pretty it's pretty important, just like you did.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: So, dude, would you share your story around that?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's two really powerful periods of time in my life where, you know, a relationship with someone else pretty much saved my life, right?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, growing up, parents addicted to OxyContin, finding out at 14, coming up short$5,000 on a scholarship to baseball.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I had sold weed and drugs to pay for college.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it was always a means to a way out.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: And there was some dissonance, and I was really uncomfortable doing it.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, um, I knew I was doing something that I wasn't really aligned with.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: But in that world, you know, I had created a relationship with a murderer, someone who had murdered people.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that person protected me, you know, when there were scenarios or situations, just because I was in a room or around certain people, that person, you know, we really clicked, we really aligned.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: I was very vulnerable.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: I had told him some information around someone he was around, and we got to talking and built a deep relationship.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not proud to say that I hung out with these types of folks or, you know, built relationships with them.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: But in that moment, that relationship was protection for me in a world that was very foreign to me, in a world that, you know, a lot of bad things happened and could have happened to me.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: So it was important to, you know, be vulnerable in my own way and dive deeper and be compassionate and build a relationship with him, which in turn, you know, a lot of things could have gone sideways and they didn't.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: The other piece, the other story in my life, you know, was when I was just financially in a in a rough place and I had just gotten married, you know, I had several business deals go sideways, you know, literally rolling change at the kitchen table to pay for diapers.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was in a really tough place and I was just having a bad day.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, for me, I was in my kitchen with my back turned to the living room and, you know, went through the motion and the vision of, you know, hitting the four buttons in my safe, getting out my Glock thir 17, you know, grabbing it, putting it in my mouth.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, all of a sudden my daughter was in the living room.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: My wife and my son, she must have taken him upstairs.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, she basically said to me, Daddy, God made you special.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it just changed everything for me, right?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: A relationship with my two and a half year old daughter.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know where she learned that.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: I I, you know, it's not something that I would say to her before bed or have said ever in my life.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: That was the first time I've heard those words.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, in that little yellow sundress, you know, she says this to me in a time where I was really low and in a dark place.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: And there's someone in the world that had a ripple effect on her, right?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Where someone had shared that with her.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if it was someone at a grocery store had bent down and said that to her.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if it was in school.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, you know, if it was a relative, if it was a stranger.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what really had me thinking about this ripple effect, which I call the impact effect, because I believe you're either making a positive impact or a negative impact on someone.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't believe in neutrality.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Your words, your actions, it's either good or bad, or based on someone's perspective perspective.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And in that moment, it really pushed me to understand how powerful relationships can be, right?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we don't even know the impact that we're having on someone.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: And in most cases, we won't even know how far that ripple goes to continue to impact people.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I don't know who, if that person will ever know that they saved a life because they had shared that message with my daughter in that moment.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, someone asked me, they said, Did you know, do you think God said that?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: And and you heard that from God Himself.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe he spoke through my daughter, but it was not God directly speaking to me.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was using her as a conduit or the person who had informed her of that.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, you know, relationships can save your life, right?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: In so many ways.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, feeling that love from my daughter and going through that, those thoughts vanished.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: It was like they were just taken from me.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a tough period of time, but you know, it was only a couple of years ago.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, someone asked me recently, you know, how did you continue to move through that?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, well, if someone, if someone was kind enough or, you know, spent enough time with my daughter to share a powerful message like that, which in turn saved my life, essentially, then I need to pay that forward.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: I need to impact people.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: I need to continue the ripple.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because maybe I share something with you.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your audience hears something today and they share it with a friend or a coworker or the person at the gas station, right?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: While they're pumping gas.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: We just never know where a good message can go.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: And most importantly, when someone needs it most.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, you know, that is the power of connection.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's how we communicate, it's how we show up for people, it's how we resonate, it's how we live a life of happiness.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I've been signing a lot of books lately, and one of the messages I've been sharing with folks is I'll sign stay connected, stay happy, because I feel that life is never this, right?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lot of this.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're in different seasons for different reasons.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: You've got your ups, you've got your downs, you've got consistency, but it's always going to fluctuate.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't believe perfect is a reality.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: So why not prepare ourselves to have those deep relationships when we're down in the valleys and we need either a hand up or a hand out, right?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And in most cases, it's just a hand up.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: And and a hand up can be allowing someone to be heard.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it could be giving someone a hug.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it could be, you know, giving them help, right?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like fixing the problem, giving them a strategy, giving them a resource.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: And in the book, I call that the triple H method to truly connect with someone and live a life of compassionate curiosity.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: We need to frame and ask, if we don't understand, what does someone need in that moment, right?
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: My wife, my wife taught me this.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, Jim, every time I come to you with a situation or a problem or I'm feeling down, you want to solve it.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: You want to help me.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, I just I just want you to listen.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to be heard.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: I just want you to hold space.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't need the solution.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then that had me practicing and testing and I would get it wrong all the time, right?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: And and I'm like, okay, instead of assuming, right?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't I just work on my language to ask the question?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you could frame it a million ways.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, hey, you're going through stuff, it's super emotional.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, do you want, do you need a hug?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I when I say that, I hear so many people, they're like, people don't want to be hugged.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: People hate hugs.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: I said, I've said this hundreds of times.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: One person said they didn't want to hug.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: But you've got to ask that in those moments where someone is being very vulnerable, someone is going through something, someone is sharing, and it's and the depth of what they're navigating.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you want to help them, you can ask them, hey, you know, I have an idea or I have a solution.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Would it be okay to share that with you?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or a resource?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And most people will say yes, or most people will say, you know, I've already tried everything, right?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Or I just can't get it right.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or, and that's when you kind of back off and you just hold the space.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: You allow them to be heard, right?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's a signal of them saying, I just want to let it out.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: I need to talk about it.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: I need to let it out.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I've learned those things in real life from messing up, making mistakes, you know, especially with my wife, right?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, duh, you know, give her a hug.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Duh.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Just let her tell it, tell me what's going on.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: But as a man, you know, it's like I can fix it all.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, uh I've got all the solutions.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I think everything you're saying is uh, I think what us men are constantly working on.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because I I I'm as you're talking, I'm like, I went through this with my wife.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still going through this with my wife.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still trying to figure out how to say the right thing, do the right thing.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because it comes from a good place.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you're you're trying.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: It and most of the time they acknowledge that too.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I know you're trying to help, but this is not what I need right now.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: And you're like, okay, what's the other thing we talked about that I can do better at helping?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's try that.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: But it's just the I love that you were sharing that story.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: And there was another thing you were talking about too about the ripple effect.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I've I've really been thinking about this a lot lately, too.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it was really thinking about my wife, because my wife, she's a she's a personal trainer, so she's at the gym a lot.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: And at our gym, she's just like the ray of sunshine, always talking to people, welcomes everybody, anyone who walks by, hey, how you doing?
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: And everyone, like the amount of people have said like how much they appreciate that.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we've had people say, like, hey, I've been coming to this gym for a year and no one's ever talked to me.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: And you talk to me every day, like I just want to let you know how much I appreciate that.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: It makes my day so much better.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, and just to hear the examples of people saying how much they appreciate her.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: And she does the same thing with hugs, like hugs, like she just jumps right in.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: She didn't even ask.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: And people are like, Well, I really like that.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: But on the on the flip side with myself, I I kind of catch myself after being on computer all day.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a little bit numb to like emotion and things.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so like I realize, like, for the most part, I'm pretty outgoing, friendly person.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: But there are times where I'm like blank stare.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell that maybe after an interaction, I'm like, man, I didn't give that my best like effort to show enthusiasm to what they were saying or intentionality.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I bet like they probably could read that from me.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I did, you know, that's a bad thing, you know.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I I I'm glad I acknowledge it, but there's certain times I'm like, I gotta do better about like being more in their world and like listening and showing them I care, even if I don't, but like I need to do better about that because, like you said, man, that could like change their whole day for in in a bad way or a good way, and and maybe that leads them to having a similar approach with someone that they talk to next.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: And like you never know how far it's gonna go down.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: And we got to do our part to like have a positive ripple effect, not the other way around.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: Because I agree with you, it's either one way or another.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: There is no like we talk, go our separate ways, and nothing happened and we're just on.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there's always some sort of feeling you get, whether that be positive or negative, from every interaction you have.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think if you do take that approach of like, hey, I want to make this a positive ripple.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: I like that.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be thinking about that.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: Every conversation I have now, I'm gonna be like positive ripple, positive ripple, positive ripple.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: I think if you think of that, I think that'll help a lot.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's I love that you were you were saying it that way, because obviously it's got my brain just spinning.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I think too, Chris, you know, one of the most powerful things you can do is a small act of engagement.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know, a smile goes a long way.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think we, you know, we underestimate the power of even just in passing when you're walking past someone, just eye contact and smile.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that can actually brighten up someone's emotion who's just maybe they're in their head and they're spinning and they're in deep thought, and you just get this glowing smile and and eye contact.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing, and and you know, my d my daughter who's now you know almost four, she reminded me of this a couple weeks ago.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: We were at Shelby Park just going on a walk here in Nashville, in East Nashville, and you know, she you're on pavement, and then you can kind of go off into the woods.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: For the most part, we're on the pavement, and there's people biking, there's people jogging, there's people walking, there's people pushing strollers, and every single person she walked by, she smiled, looked at them, and said good morning, right?
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, okay, she's a four-year-old, you know, ball of energy, she's glowing, she's in her little dress, right?
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, but I've physically watched people, even people sprinting who were running, slow up and smile back and make a comment, like, I love your backpack, or oh, you're so cute, or thank you, sweetheart, right?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and I just watched the shift, right?
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: And and the and the reason why I bring this up is because when you think about it, when someone's running, right?
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: And they've been running, you know, I think you could probably run 14 miles through the whole trail and up the Cumberland and or whatever, but they're they're dialed in, right?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, physically, they're sweating, you know, they've they're mentally in a in a zone.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I watched her kind of break multiple people out of that to where they turned around and they light, you could see their shoulders went back and they lightened up.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it just reminded me again of, you know, a simple good morning eye contact and a smile really has so much of that positive ripple effect.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and I wanted to ask you this.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to, I don't want you to give away too, too much from your books.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: I want people to to purchase it and read it.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: But kind of going along this, I know one of the things, and this is in kind of your summary that you can find on Amazon or anywhere else, but you talk about there being a question that gets unguarded people to open up.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it has nothing to do with being friendly, but getting them to kind of open up to interact in a way kind of you know similar to your daughter, getting them to pause.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: Would you are are you able to share with that one question?
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think most of the time we connect with people, we ask them, what do you do?
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we tend to answer that question with our work and maybe an accolade, or, you know, a lot of people get creative and have a very unique perspective of sharing what they do, right?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've heard keynote speakers, you know, say, I change lives with words.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I've heard, you know, people who do accounting say that, you know, they keep you out of jail, right?
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like it we have all these cute creative ways, and I think they all make sense, right?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I enjoy that conversation.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I think when you ask someone, you know, Know, what do you need?
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: It opens up a completely different shift of an experience with you.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: And whenever I'm introducing myself, you know, I always introduce myself with a handshake and and my full name.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I just recently did this.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was at a pool party thing.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: It was uh uh my friend's kid's birthday, and I knew him and I, you know, met a couple of his kids, but I didn't know anybody else.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: And someone had the same name as me, Jim.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so the guy was like, Hey, meet my friend Jim.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I shook his hand and I was like, Hey, Jim Morris, pleasure to meet you.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: And whenever you share your last name, they tip someone typically will repeat it back.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, Jim Morris, right?
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: And now all of a sudden, because they've repeated it back because it was different and unique, they're gonna remember your name more.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: They're gonna remember your name easier and faster.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: But then I'll transition that and say, what do you need?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what's your dreams?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: What are you what are you building?
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I think if you take that approach, now it starts to go into a conversation around, well, this is different.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things I I I shared on a recent podcast, and a bunch of people messaged me was there's gonna be someone who says, I need a million dollars.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: And right that person, you need to dig deeper and they actually need to share what they need more than the average person who might say, Wow, that's a great question, and think about it and say, you know what, I need, you know, I need to figure out this solution at work and I need to figure out how to raise some more capital.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: I need to figure out how to hire a CEO, right?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and that starts to open up the conversations, even in a business setting, to where now you can ask more questions and get them to talk.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: And when people are talking most of the time rather than you talking about yourself, the connection starts to build extremely fast because now they're getting very comfortable.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: And there's things you can do in that conversation.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I talk about this in the book, and I'll give you one of them, but the triple head nod, it's a micro expression, right?
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you then they're gonna feel like, oh, this person's getting me.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if you look back on my podcast, you know, three years ago, you'll see me the whole time, like, right?
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: And like, that's weird, that's a little weird, or that's a little awkward.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: And and and maybe someone can be like, oh, they're just kind of going through the motions.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: But if you do it three times and hold eye contact, that's signaling to them, like, oh, this person's enjoying what I have to share, what I have to say.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then the last thing I'll say, Chris, around the what do you need question, because this has come up a lot as well in a lot of keynotes I've done and workshops.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: People will say, Well, what if I don't have the solution?
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to ask someone what they need because I might not be able to solve it.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, we're asking that question to engage in a connection.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: You probably won't be able to solve it, right?
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know a CEO who's out of work looking for a new job, specifically in the tech sector, has government background work.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't off the top of my head, I don't have that person.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm not afraid to ask what someone needs because you can assist them by just allowing them to share and talk through something.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: But also in those moments, you may have a connection that you can connect them with.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: You may have a resource, you may have a podcast like this podcast that you could share with someone if they need something, right?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: Or another relationship, right?
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: We're we're only so many degrees away from someone who has the solution to someone's problem.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: So when I think about those scenarios, you know, I always want to remind people that, you know, by asking that question, you're you're learning more about the person, you're understanding if you align with them, you're connecting deeper, and you don't have to always have the solution.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're asking the typical, what do you do?
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm an accountant, okay, I'm a keynote speaker, did you go on any cool vacations recently?
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I went to the Bahamas.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever been?
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, but have you been to Aruba?
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, those are so common.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: I call them cotton candy conversations because they're sweet in the moment.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: You feel like you're connecting, but they're not really good for you.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: They're fluffy, there's no depth, right?
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: So my ask to your audience today is you know, stop having cotton candy conversations, get deep with people, let them do the majority of talking, and grab my book.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: I break down like another hundred lessons around how to what to say, how to read body language, how to show up with your body language, how to stay curious.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's a great chapter in there, Verbal Mastery, that goes through pausing and tonality and all that stuff as well.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: Heck yeah, man.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean, I'm I'm digging everything you're saying because I've I I believe in it.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I was thinking, you know, over the past year, I think I've had maybe one or two people take that approach with me where they go, like, hey man, what are you working on?
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what you got going on?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: Just the way they ask that unlocks like an excitement inside me to be able to share what I'm working on, you know, and I'll be like, man, it's the podcast, it's going great, you know, and they they ask more questions and I can tell their genuine curiosity.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: So it makes me excited to share about it.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: So if you, you know, peel the onion back a little bit and go, like, huh, if I take that same approach, someone else is gonna have the same feeling I had when someone asked me that.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I was thinking too, man, you know, just the connection piece again, kind of ending on a high note here of like just what you can experience in this short life if you just become a little more curious and talk with people and go a little deeper.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I even think about this podcast.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, man, if you'd have told me I've been able to interview some of the people I've been able to talk to like a year ago, I'd be building of relationships and talking with people and remembering things like what it can lead to.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, even just to here in Nashville, you meet people, you go out, you're doing all these things.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like I have people all the time they're like, dude, how do you do all this stuff?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I don't know, man.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: I just meet people and I just talk to them.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: And it just like, it just organically and happens, you know, and you see people out there doing amazing things in life, they're just they have that approach.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: They're just talking to people, they're curious, they're always learning, they're always just putting themselves out there, even if it's uncomfortable.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I had a guy on last week.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Man, if you have the conversations you don't want to have, do the things you don't want to do, it'll it'll put you in positions you never thought were possible.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: And uh he's like, you just gotta go out there and and create those connections and do meaningful things.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, dude, yes.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, I've got what your your book is about, too, just those connections.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: And and I don't think people realize just like how many amazing things you can do or accomplish or or the people you can meet if you just take that approach.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so at this point in time, man, I just I think your book is has come out at a right time.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I hope, I hope thousands and millions of people read it, and I can't wait to see the impact it has, especially now that we've met each other and and very proud to spotlight you and your work and and to support you, Jim.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so, man, keep having these conversations and keep doing what you're doing, because I you you're on this trajectory, you can just tell, of going up and and continuing to do these cool things and just excited to be a part of it and share your story.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks, Chris.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you, man, and and thank you for having me on.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'll leave you with just one last thing.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I believe that you can't be the greatest version of yourself by yourself, right?
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: No one's self made.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that's a hoax.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: And and I think that we can all live up to our capacity with the right people around us, supporting us, loving on us, and uh being there when we need the most.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you, Chris, for having me.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you, brother.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Jim.