Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1042 - Work & Home School Life Balance

Transcript

#1042 - Work & Home School Life Balance · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast.
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  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
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  Speaker 2: once answers mew.
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  Speaker 1: On today's I'll Do Better Tomorrow, Kylie revisits homeschooling and
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  Speaker 1: I'm starting to get it together. I think that's what
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to call it. But I want to let
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  Speaker 1: you know, Kylie, I didn't tell you about this. I
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  Speaker 1: took Emily, our ten year old, to the aquarium the
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  Speaker 1: other day. She has the membership because of the whole
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  Speaker 1: homeschool thing. I took her to the aquarium. It didn't
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  Speaker 1: stay long though. Ask me why? Why something fishy about
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  Speaker 1: that place?
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  Speaker 2: You're terrible.
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  Speaker 1: You're terrible, all right. If you need to the podcast, welcome.
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  Speaker 1: We're so glad to have you along. Every Friday on
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  Speaker 1: the podcast, we talk about how we're being intentional in
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  Speaker 1: our parenting, what went well, what didn't, how we can
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  Speaker 1: be better tomorrow. That's what's called I'll Do Better Tomorrow, Kylie.
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  Speaker 2: Last Saturday, I attended the Resilient Kids Conference with you
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  Speaker 2: in Perth.
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  Speaker 1: It was a big weekend. We had about seven hundred
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  Speaker 1: and fifty parents in an all to Torri and there
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  Speaker 1: was me, Maggie Dent, Karen Young, and Michelle Mitchell all
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  Speaker 1: talking about ways that we can help oack is to
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  Speaker 1: be resilient, and yeah, you came along and I think
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  Speaker 1: you were kind of the star of the show. At
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  Speaker 1: the book table, everyone was like, are you really Kylie
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  Speaker 1: Colson from the Happy Families podcast. I love you.
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  Speaker 2: Well. I love that nobody actually realizes who I am.
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  Speaker 2: They just think I'm one of your help.
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  Speaker 1: As everyone's talking to me and you're justin I'm like, yea,
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  Speaker 1: this is Kylie for the podcast and their eyes light up.
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  Speaker 1: People are so happy to meet you, and then everyone says,
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  Speaker 1: you don't look anything like I thought you'd look.
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  Speaker 2: That's right.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know what they've expected. I used to get
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  Speaker 1: that when I was a radio announce So people obviously
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  Speaker 1: see my face a lot on socials now, but when
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  Speaker 1: I was a radio announce so they'd say, you don't
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  Speaker 1: look anything like I thought you'd look. I'm like, you
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  Speaker 1: thought I was six foot four, dark haired and handsome,
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  Speaker 1: and you've got me. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Anyway,
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  Speaker 1: back to the Resilient Kids conference.
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  Speaker 2: It was so nice and interacting with everybody and just
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  Speaker 2: hearing their stories and it's always nice to know that
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  Speaker 2: something that you're doing is actually having an impact and
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  Speaker 2: making a positive difference in in other people's lives. One
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  Speaker 2: mum came up to us and she just said, I
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  Speaker 2: need to tell you your help or hug tip has
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  Speaker 2: revolutionized our family, and she just.
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  Speaker 1: She was so for those who are absolutely.
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  Speaker 2: Glowing, she was so excited to.
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  Speaker 1: Tell us this for those who are not familiar with
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  Speaker 1: the help or hug. When your kids are upset, you say,
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  Speaker 1: do you want me to help you or do you
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  Speaker 1: want to hug? Or do you want me to give
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  Speaker 1: you some space? That's the idea, right the whole Let's
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  Speaker 1: step in and give somebody some more timmey when they're upset,
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  Speaker 1: but acknowledge that they're upset, and then do you want
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  Speaker 1: to hug, do you want to be with you? Do
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  Speaker 1: you want to talk? Or should I just give you
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  Speaker 1: some space. It's a game changer. And I discovered that
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  Speaker 1: when you were angry with me one time. But it
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  Speaker 1: really works with parenting.
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  Speaker 2: I told everyone, I'm your guinea pig. So anyway, a
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  Speaker 2: number of moms came and talked to me and talk
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  Speaker 2: to me about homeschooling and their journey. Others came to
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  Speaker 2: me and asked me how it was going because they
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  Speaker 2: were thinking about it.
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  Speaker 1: So many people. So many people are fascinated by homeschooling, and.
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  Speaker 2: Others came to me kind of almost into is because
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  Speaker 2: they're desperately want to do it, but there is just
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  Speaker 2: they just don't have the capacity too. And it's such
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  Speaker 2: a hard hard line to kind of have to carry
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  Speaker 2: as a family when you know that the school system
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  Speaker 2: is not working for your child, and yet you don't
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  Speaker 2: actually have the capacity to do anything else. So I
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  Speaker 2: had wonderful conversations. I love connecting with people. But we
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  Speaker 2: talked about homeschool on Tuesday as we answered Carrie's question.
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  Speaker 2: But I thought that would be really good today to
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  Speaker 2: just revisit it in a different line.
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  Speaker 1: Well, we've had a really good week this week, we
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  Speaker 1: have had a good week, and homeschooling is getting better.
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  Speaker 1: It's taken us nine months.
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  Speaker 2: Well you were talking to me and I was like,
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  Speaker 2: we've only done this is like we're in term three.
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  Speaker 2: But you reminded me we actually pulled the kids out
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  Speaker 2: term four last year.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, end of term three, we said that's it, we're done.
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  Speaker 2: So we have We've had nine months at home and
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  Speaker 2: it's actually been really challenging, and probably you're laughing because
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  Speaker 2: it's actually been more challenging for you than me from
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  Speaker 2: the point of view that it has literally totally turned
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  Speaker 2: my mind life upside down, which means I haven't been able
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  Speaker 2: to support you and the way you're used to as well.
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  Speaker 1: When we were talking about what we were discussed in
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  Speaker 1: the podcast, you highlighted something and I want to bring
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  Speaker 1: it up because it resonated for me as much, if
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  Speaker 1: not more than for you. And that is when you
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  Speaker 1: started the homeschooling process, and this has really fallen to
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  Speaker 1: you and your shoulders. You really wanted to have, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: we're going to do this every morning from nine till ten,
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  Speaker 1: and we're going to do this every day from twelve
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  Speaker 1: till two, like there was going to be structure, really
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  Speaker 1: clear structure. We felt like that was the way that
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  Speaker 1: it had to be, and that proved to be I
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  Speaker 1: don't want to say disastrous, it kind of was okay, disastrous,
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  Speaker 1: and you just highlighted that letting go of the need
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  Speaker 1: for structure but still having having flexibility, Having flexibility and
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  Speaker 1: having structure but not rigidity around the structure has been
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  Speaker 1: the key thing.
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  Speaker 2: It really has I remember having a conversation with a
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  Speaker 2: homeschooling family and they just said to me, if you
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  Speaker 2: are just take school out of schooling, then you've missed
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  Speaker 2: the point of homeschool, the idea that I would have
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  Speaker 2: a set structure and we would have set lessons.
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  Speaker 1: And to have recess every morning from eleven to fifteen
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  Speaker 1: to twelve forty five.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, except that's not why you do homeschool. Your child
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  Speaker 2: was struggling in that setting in the first place, So
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  Speaker 2: you kind of coming in and just taking the teacher
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  Speaker 2: out of the.
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  Speaker 1: Equation or becoming the teacher yourself.
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  Speaker 2: Doesn't change the dynamics of what your child is experiencing.
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  Speaker 2: So that has probably been the biggest learning for me
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  Speaker 2: is just the acknowledgment that we really have needed to
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  Speaker 2: let go of my perceptions of what schooling would look
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  Speaker 2: like at home and allowing Emily the autonomy to kind
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  Speaker 2: of lead the way. So does school look like for her?
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  Speaker 1: So what's been the big breakthrough this week? What was
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  Speaker 1: the I'll do better it tomorrow intentional thing where you
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  Speaker 1: just said, Yep, this is what I need to talk about.
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  Speaker 1: Other than the fact that everyone last week was asking
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  Speaker 1: about it.
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  Speaker 2: As part of the structure of school. In my mind,
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  Speaker 2: I needed to be available to her twenty four to seven,
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  Speaker 2: and if she wasn't ready to do schooling, then I
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  Speaker 2: kind of was sitting waiting, like waiting to pounce on
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  Speaker 2: that window of opportunity where she was like, okay, I'm ready.
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  Speaker 2: And so I didn't feel like I could start anything.
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  Speaker 2: I didn't feel like I could do anything because that
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  Speaker 2: would then show her that I wasn't ready for her.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. So if you start cleaning the house, cooking a meal,
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  Speaker 1: doing something for you, reading a book, whatever, that all
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  Speaker 1: of a sudden, you're even less available, which means she
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  Speaker 1: has less need to do anything.
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  Speaker 2: Or inclination too. But what I have discovered as we've
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  Speaker 2: worked through this process together is sometimes she actually doesn't
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  Speaker 2: want to do school work when I would like her to,
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  Speaker 2: and that's okay. If I take the pressure off it,
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  Speaker 2: she actually is more inclined to come back a lot
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  Speaker 2: faster and a lot quicker than if I was to say,
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  Speaker 2: we just need to do this, and we do need
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  Speaker 2: to do it now. And while she's doing that, I
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  Speaker 2: just say to her, well, while while I'm waiting for you,
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  Speaker 2: I'm just going to get on with the dishes, or
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  Speaker 2: I'm just going to vacuum the lounngdroom. You let me
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  Speaker 2: know when you're ready. And we're what a ten o'clock
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  Speaker 2: in the morning, and the house is mostly clean, the
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  Speaker 2: washings hung, the dishes are done. I've taken a child
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  Speaker 2: to school and we've got through two lessons before ten o'clock.
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  Speaker 1: It's been game changing to watch. And this is I
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  Speaker 1: guess the dream. This is what we've worked for. But
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  Speaker 1: for the last nine months, I haven't thought it was possible.
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  Speaker 2: And I didn't think it was possible either, even to
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  Speaker 2: the point that if I was to do those things
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  Speaker 2: nine months ago and trying to do it didn't It
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  Speaker 2: didn't work because I tried it, and that's what I mean.
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  Speaker 2: So as soon as I was not one hundred percent
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  Speaker 2: focused on her, she lost interest, That's right. So I
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  Speaker 2: couldn't say I'm just going to do the dishes. While
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  Speaker 2: she was doing that, like in the dream, it was
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  Speaker 2: like she'd sit at the table and she'd work on
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  Speaker 2: her thing, and I'd cook dinner.
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  Speaker 1: And so she's telling us that she doesn't want to
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  Speaker 1: go back to school until grade seven, currently in grade four,
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  Speaker 1: and I've been just thinking, oh no, well, like, how
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  Speaker 1: are we going to get through this? But after the
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  Speaker 1: last week or so, I'm sort of going this is fun.
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  Speaker 1: I really like it, and I like having her around
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  Speaker 1: and our fourteen year old daughter, Lily, she's doing great
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  Speaker 1: with her Grade nine homeschooling as well. And shock of
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  Speaker 1: all shocks, they're both asked us, can we get a
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  Speaker 1: math tutor? And so we're currently investigating what that's going
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  Speaker 1: to look like because they're both realizing that they're not
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  Speaker 1: keeping up with that one particular subject, that one area
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  Speaker 1: of work, and they're asking for it. Rather than us
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  Speaker 1: saying you need help, you need this, you need they're
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  Speaker 1: coming to us and saying, hmm, this is hard self directed,
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  Speaker 1: can't figure it out? Need help? Yeah, amazing, all right,
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  Speaker 1: I'll do better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 2: Well tell me a big, big pause. I sound like
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  Speaker 2: this is this sounds like a grand announcement.
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  Speaker 1: It's not really. After weeks of being away mainly for
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  Speaker 1: traveling work but also our trip away, I've been home
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  Speaker 1: for the whole week. I haven't had any events that
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  Speaker 1: I've had to go to, being able to work on
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  Speaker 1: my book, being able to just get back into a
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  Speaker 1: well a routine that's going to get ruled next week
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  Speaker 1: when I start traveling again, but nevertheless, I dited exercising
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  Speaker 1: feels like a new met I got a new bike
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  Speaker 1: because I sold my bike at the end of last year.
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  Speaker 1: I've always been a cyclist. I love cycling, got rid
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  Speaker 1: of it, decided I didn't have time for it. I've
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  Speaker 1: now decided that I have to have it, and I
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  Speaker 1: just I feel so good. I've gotten back in the pool.
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  Speaker 1: I've started doing some labs and doing some swimming. But
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  Speaker 1: there's one thing that I've started to do and it's
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  Speaker 1: made me a better dad this week. Because our office
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  Speaker 1: is at home, because I work from home, it's very
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  Speaker 1: easy for me to get completely absorbed endlessly all day
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  Speaker 1: in work and not have effective boundaries and barriers. This week,
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  Speaker 1: I've committed to writing down each night the three things
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  Speaker 1: that are most important for me to do the next
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  Speaker 1: day in the office working on my book, recording podcasts,
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  Speaker 1: and taking care of whatever else needs to be done,
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  Speaker 1: and I'm limiting it to three. As I've done this,
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  Speaker 1: I found that I'm more productive, a more efficient, and
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  Speaker 1: that means that I'm getting things finished earlier, which means
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  Speaker 1: that I've got more time to take care of the
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  Speaker 1: minute trivia that sort of interrupts my day all day
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  Speaker 1: when I'm just doing whatever lands on my desk, but
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  Speaker 1: I'm also finishing work earlier.
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  Speaker 2: Well, it's the idea of making sure that the big.
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  Speaker 1: Rocks go in first, right, first things first.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, And so often when we do it to do list,
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  Speaker 2: we write this big, long list, and then we get
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  Speaker 2: that sense of overwhelm because there's fifteen things on our
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  Speaker 2: list exactly. It just feels like where do I even
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  Speaker 2: start right?
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  Speaker 1: And the funny thing is that once those three big
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  Speaker 1: things are done, which is usually somewhere between I don't know,
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  Speaker 1: eleven o'clock and three o'clock at least that's how it's
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  Speaker 1: been this week, I've then got i don't know, half
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  Speaker 1: an hour, an hour, an hour and a half to
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  Speaker 1: just work on the less important things. And I'm still
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  Speaker 1: getting out of the office earlier than I've ever gotten out,
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  Speaker 1: helping you in the house, doing some yard work, spending
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  Speaker 1: time with the kids, going for a walk. Like I
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  Speaker 1: just feel like, I just feel like I'm a better
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  Speaker 1: dad because I've done that one simple thing and it's
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  Speaker 1: got nothing to do with parenting, but it's made me
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  Speaker 1: a better father and husband well.
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  Speaker 2: Makes you more available. Therefore you are a better husband
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  Speaker 2: and a better father.
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  Speaker 1: So we hope that's giving you some inspiration this week,
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  Speaker 1: whether you think about homeschooling, whether you think that we're
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  Speaker 1: nuts for doing it and it was just interesting to
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  Speaker 1: listen to, or whether you just want to be more
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  Speaker 1: productive and effective. That is our I'll do better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: Anything else from you, no, Okay, have a great weekend everyone.
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  Speaker 1: Thanks so much for listening to the Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 1: It's produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Love your work, Jr.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for the wonderful way that you
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: do that. If you'd like more information about making your
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: family happier, check out our brand new Happy Families membership.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: We've revamped it, we've revitalized it. We've added a special
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: component for you to work on with your children. It's
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: called Felt Fostering Emotional Learning Together activities to work on
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: with your kids to help them with their anger management,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: their emotion regulation, and a whole lot of other things.
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  Speaker 1: It's all in the Happy Families membership. Find it at
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  Speaker 1: happyfamilies dot com dot a. You