Latest / You Call That Radio? / 'Only 400,000 steps to the Yum Yum Theatre' w/ Darren Connell

Transcript

'Only 400,000 steps to the Yum Yum Theatre' w/ Darren Connell · You Call That Radio?

• 0:02
  Speaker A: As you call that radio tv. It's the Friday night phone in. It's four, four hours away from. Four hours away from the end of Dry January. Although I think it's maybe we should maybe make this, that a monthly thing. And we've got Darren Connell on the show. I think actually the last time I spoke to him was maybe a January and I was also discussing Dry January and stuff like that. Darren is one of Scotland's best stand up comedians. He also has a brilliant podcast as well that I listen to often and, and, and you may know him from Scottish Squad and stuff, but it's been a while since he's done that. I think we should just focus on his actual stand up material and the, the nights that he's doing. He runs nights of Blackfriars. He's also got a massive show on in March for the Glasgow Comedy Festival. It's D. Connell. How you doing mate?
• 1:00
  Speaker B: Mate, thank you so much for having us back on. I literally gorged on a chocolate bar there. I don't know if you could hear it through the mic like a football player about to come on and play in a cup final. I literally, I'm lying in my belly, mate, just gorging on chocolate, getting the.
• 1:16
  Speaker A: Well, I think the last time we spoke we were talking about healthy things. How's. How's your. What you doing health wise?
• 1:24
  Speaker B: I feel good, mate. I don't, I don't. I'm. As I get older I'm just a lot more kinder to myself. I'm not a vegan anymore because that ended up really bad for my health. So really I just walk and do a wee bit of calorie counting. Me. I mean I'm not the fittest guy in the world. I had a smoked sausage for a dell of the night. No regrets whatsoever, by the way. A smoked sausage, two minutes in the microwaves, a poom kapoom.
• 1:53
  Speaker A: Wait, wait. When you said smoked sausage I was imagining cuz only time ever have a smoked sausage would be a chippy or something. So why would you just. You just getting them for the, for the freezer?
• 2:05
  Speaker B: Me? I know a guy. Right? You know I know a guy.
• 2:09
  Speaker A: So you get the sausage king sorting. You.
• 2:12
  Speaker B: I know a guy who insults me.
• 2:15
  Speaker A: So veganism didn't work for you? Because obviously you were, you were doing that for moral reasons and health reasons. Some people aren't just designed for it, it doesn't work for them. You're not the first person to say that.
• 2:26
  Speaker B: Well, I love the fact that the last time I was on. I was pure. Yeah, I'm a vegan. And then I'm like, I had a smoked sausage for dinner. No, you know, I was a vegan for two years, mate, and it really helped me for a year. And then see, the second year, that's when I started to get hair loss. I couldn't donate blood and I fainted. And the doctor was like, you need to start eating like fish and stuff. And soon as I started eating fish again, I felt instantly better.
• 2:56
  Speaker A: Wow.
• 2:57
  Speaker B: I don't recommend smoked sausages though.
• 3:00
  Speaker A: Yeah, I don't think smoked sausages is the. There's got to be a middle ground between veganism and smoked sausage in a microwave. And that's what we're searching for. The nice balance. Life's all about balance, isn't it?
• 3:11
  Speaker B: Anything for a microwave.
• 3:14
  Speaker A: Do you believe that the microwave is potentially evil?
• 3:22
  Speaker B: Probably. I mean, look at the size of my forehead.
• 3:26
  Speaker A: That is.
• 3:29
  Speaker B: That'S through 37 years of microwave dinners wet.
• 3:33
  Speaker A: I mean, I only, I only touch any microwave food, but inhale chemicals from a robotic device. Yeah, I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm sure it'll be fine.
• 3:46
  Speaker B: Come back in 10 years.
• 3:47
  Speaker A: Come back 10 year. Come back 10 year. We've got who we got in the show. We've got Ali's in the house. Hello, Ali. Hello, Jaylee. Hello, Stuart. Thank you for joining us. It's, it's great to have you back. We would. We have got the comedy festival coming up in March. This is a big, it's a big, big room. Where is it? You're in the King's Theatre?
• 4:10
  Speaker B: Yes, mate, I'm at the King's Theatre on Thursday, 27th March and it's going to be the biggest show that I've ever done.
• 4:18
  Speaker A: The last time you had an un. What happened the last time you did the big show? They don't get cancelled or something and it wasn't your fault, they double booked or something crazy.
• 4:29
  Speaker B: No, no, it was a Pavilion, mate.
• 4:32
  Speaker A: That's what, that's the one.
• 4:33
  Speaker B: I, I had a special. So basically I've been a stand up comedian, guys, for 16 years, right? So that's a lot of material. And I booked the pavilion for 27 September, which was the September weekend, and considering there was absolutely no promotion for the Pavilion, I was going to sell it and then a big London agency got in touch saying, we're really sorry, you're probably going to hate us, but a show's coming into town and we need to take your space. So they took us a space, took my space, never gave me an option. They were trying to give me other dates. 12th of July was one of them. No, thank you very much. And it just didn't work. It. And then the people for the Glasgow Comedy Festival, who. Who I've known for a very long time were very KE to say, why don't you do the Kings in March now this is going to be a different show al together. It's not going to be a special. It's going to be a new standup comedy show al together. I'll do a special eventually one day. But this is going to be a good show. So I. It was pretty devastating, mate. I'm not going to lie. It totally wobbled me. But it. Kings is a lot better and it's a great.
• 5:51
  Speaker A: It's a great space. Why? Why? The thing we think annoys me with the Kings is why. Why we always naming things after royalty, where you can go. I went for a blood test earlier in the month and it was. It's not just about the. It's not just my anti. Royalty. It's nothing to do with that.
• 6:07
  Speaker B: Right.
• 6:08
  Speaker A: It's not any day with that. It's maybe a bit idea with that, but I just find it hard to know what hospital is like, is it the Queen Victoria? Is it the Queen Elizabeth? Is it the Royal Infirmary? You know, I feel like we could be d. With a. A bit. A bit of. A bit of balance, you know, like. Like the veganism and the. The smoked sausage. We need a bit of balance in there, which. That'll be the competition we'll do tonight. Actually. I'll give away tickets to the Gyro Babies album launch in the 29th of March. I don't know. I'm not putting you in the spot to give away tickets, but what could we call our hospitals? Who could we name it after? Do we need to. Do we need to keep saying Elizabeth Victoria Charles? There's got to be. I don't know if there's any Charles things. The Parks. I know, man. The King's Park. The Victoria Parks.
• 6:56
  Speaker B: Imagine that. The. The Jimmy Cranky Brain Clinic.
• 7:04
  Speaker A: I wish you'd remember that. Yeah. Were you. Were you at the. Were you at the Jimmy Cranky Brain Clinic? Yep. You're going to remember that, not the other ones. So, yeah, we'll go. I've got. Let us know in the comments what you're. What you would name the hospitals and the parks. Maybe we could keep a theme. Maybe it could be something like the Royals or maybe we could just move on to something else. So is it you? But your health in general? You got the. A bit of the flu.
• 7:32
  Speaker B: Oh, I mean, I had the norovirus there. So I was absolutely floored for three days. Then I was in my bed for about 10 days in total. Great way to lose weight, by the way, don't. I tell you what, see if anybody is listening and they're chubby. Don't go to the gym. Just go out and lick a pavement and you'll lose some weight.
• 7:52
  Speaker A: I, I did, I did the same thing and in Mexico. And now it's funny you mentioned that, because I'll be going to the gym for the first time. My wife, I've just talked to me. So the way I go back in with that conversation again, because this will be coming out as an audio podcast and someone's just listening to me saying the same thing. But I was looking at pictures of me and a couple of months in Mexico. I was like, that'll be all the walking I did. That's why I looked healthier. You know, a wee bit of tan and a bit of walking. That's why I look so good. And now that I think about it, because I've actually. Because I've been going to the gym and I've been doing the treadmill and I've been walking everywhere and I've been trying to get my steps in and I've not really lost any weight. So I think it was purely down to the food poisoning. I'm assuming it was food poisoning I had, and I definitely shifted some weight with that. I wouldn't recommend that, though.
• 8:41
  Speaker B: You're looking well, mate. You are looking well.
• 8:43
  Speaker A: Well, it's probably just a bit of lighting. The lighting might be quite good tonight. I've got, I've got two big lights there, but. Yeah, well, I've been doing my dry January, so I think the last time I spoke to him, I was like, you know what? I feel like I'm getting sick of drink. I feel like I'm genuinely sick of drink, though. Yeah, I, I, I couldn't touch it this month because I couldn't do a hangover. I had too much. I've too much going on and I feel like maybe it's time to just, just retire. Because I feel like everybody seems to have, you know, they say you hit rock bottom. Yeah, maybe I don't need to hit rock bottom. Maybe I can just say hangovers are too shite now and just. Who wants to actually hit rock bottom? What is, what am I going to do something terrible is going to happen. So maybe I could just quit drinking because of shite hangovers. Is that. Is that allowed?
• 9:33
  Speaker B: Mate, you should have that as a motivational poster on a AA meeting. Hangovers are shite, man.
• 9:40
  Speaker A: Well, the thing is that, you know, all my friends are alcoholics. They won't respect me if I don't hit rock bottom. He's just. Posey's a fucking poser.
• 9:50
  Speaker B: Get us a bus before it clashes.
• 9:53
  Speaker A: My friend Ben Wrong wants to hold the William Hill Infirmary. Ali Grant wants to name things after Kate's. The Donut Theatre, Muffin Park. Yum Yum Hospital. I'm liking that.
• 10:07
  Speaker B: I would go to the Yum Yum Hospital even if I didn't need help.
• 10:12
  Speaker A: What about the Black Friends shows look great. And I mean, this is another thing because what I've obviously I've done a monthly drink before, but what I normally do is like, it's quite easy for me if I just become a hermit, which is just stay in the house and not socialize. So this month I have actually been going to my mate, Big Al. He was at a comedy improv night. It was his first ever live performance of that. He did great shout outs to just Frank or Big Al. I don't know what his stage name is these days, but. And going a couple of gigs and stuff and getting zero has been an absolute. I love it. Like, it feels like an actual Guinness. Do you. Do you. Do you even. Do you partake in anything like that or do you just. Is that too dodgy to drink?
• 10:58
  Speaker B: No. Do you know, I mostly avoid it because it's. It's high in calories and I'm not much of a fat bastard. I would rather get my calories free food, to be honest, so. But see, if I'm with my pals or it's a Friday, Saturday night, I would happily have a Guinness Zero. I've had a Guinness zero before and it's delicious. Actually, it was so close to the real thing that I was quite suspicious that it was. That it was an actual Guinness. I tell you what I really like though, seeing Black Friars. They do a paint a zero Guinness. And that is delicious, mate. That's delicious.
• 11:35
  Speaker A: Well, I think you've sold me because that was the next point I was going to make is a gutted that I've missed all the Blackfriars gigs. Because usually my situation is that the weekend I'm usually playing or organizing gigs, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, I need to just recover. And then midweek during the week I Just work, you know, whether it's this or whatever, I'm doing freelance. I'm just working. So I kind of. I can't justify going it. But when I actually think about it, on reflection, I'm justifying. I kind of justify going out because I'm imagining that I'm going to feel terrible in the morning. So now with the. The hindsight of wisdom and understanding that Guinness just tastes like Guinness if there's alcohol in it or. No, beer tastes like water, but Guinness tastes like Guinness whether you put poison in it or not. So on that note, when is the next Blackfires gig? And I'm going to put it in my diary.
• 12:30
  Speaker B: So I can't give away tickets to the Kings because, as you know, venues take a cut and stuff. So if I was to give away a ticket, I'd probably have to pay for it myself. But I can give away tickets to the Blackfriars gig. Nie bother. So I can give away, I don't know, 10 tickets to anybody that's listening. But, mate, you're listening. You're welcome anytime. And I get you on. And it's on every Wednesday. I'm not. I'm a promoter. I'm a comedian as well, but I promote the night. So this Wednesday, Paul Black is headlining and Raymond Mer's head hosting.
• 13:08
  Speaker A: Wow. Yeah, that is a. That's a mega lineup. You get. You get. It's pretty consistently the. The biggest names in Scotland you're getting. I suppose that's the. The thing that comedy is. There's a lot of similarities to comedy in music, but one of the big differences is that you can't rehearse music in the same way as you can comedy. It's a different thing. So you've got, you know, the. Many times I've been at the stand or something and seen a random Frankie Boyle or a random Kevin Bridges or Dylan Moran one time randomly. Yeah, well, because you can't. You can't practice that stuff in the house. You can. You can memorize stuff, but. Or have you ever tried to do it? Can you give me an example of rehearsing without a crowd and how it.
• 13:57
  Speaker B: Well, thanks very much for saying that, mate. I try to make a night that is welcome to professionals to come and try new stuff, but I've also set it up for new people to come and do a gig and then I've made it a safe space as well for people that are anxious or. I mean, you know, the industry that we work in is quite a dark industry. Back in the Day. So I've made it a nice green room for people to come and chill and take it easy. But I. What you were saying about comedy was I can't really practice it in front of anybody. I've been doing it for so long now that I can understand that something will be funny, a subject will be funny, a word might be funny, and then I go up in front of a crowd and try and figure it out. So last week, Ray Bradshaw was on and Mark Jennings were on and they were going up. I mean, Ray Bradshaw did 35 minutes and he mostly improv'd it and it was fantastic. Mark Jennings worked out a new 10 minutes as well. So I would rather go to my Blackfriars night and work it out in front of a crowd. So when it comes to the Kings, I've got a show done. But back in the day, man, I used to fucking talk into a hairbrush and all that.
• 15:14
  Speaker A: So with a show that you've got, what is. Have you. Is it. Is it complete or are you still. You still finding new things and new ideas?
• 15:24
  Speaker B: I'll be flagging the Pavilion for the Internet.
• 15:29
  Speaker A: Is there a rivalry? Is a theater theatrical rivalry?
• 15:33
  Speaker B: No, it's just because they cancelled my show.
• 15:37
  Speaker A: Do they care? Do they see each other as a kind of an old firm mentality between the Kings and the Pavilion? Or do they. Are they rivals or are they in cahoots?
• 15:47
  Speaker B: Notice how I've instantly sold my soul. See, when I'd done the. When the Pavilion asked me, I was like, yeah, man, the Pavilion's amazing. So much history, Jimmy Cranky. Then it get cancelled and I was like, them all, man. Place is a shithole. The Kings is better.
• 16:03
  Speaker A: But you did still end up playing the Pavilion about a week later anyway, or something.
• 16:07
  Speaker B: I did. I went back and did the Some Laugh podcast. I sneaked through the fire exit and I honestly, and I'll be honest with you, see the. I mean, this is how badly run as from the London point of view. See, the guy that was working the sound that night in the Pavilion, he never even knew that Marshall get cancelled. So I had to tell him it get cancelled. Then I went on stage, slagged the Pavilion all night and he took it like an absolute champ. He done that. Look, mate, fair enough, man. I mean, he did look uncomfortable and stuff, but he took. He took it in the chin like a champ.
• 16:42
  Speaker A: Well, it's comedy, it's got to be done. I like that though, man. That was. That's the ultimate. That's the ultimate comeback.
• 16:49
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 16:50
  Speaker A: Who Is the. Who's the best comedian in Scotland right now?
• 16:54
  Speaker B: Right now. Top of their game. Top of their game. Absolutely fantastic. I would say Christopher MacArthur Boyd. Yeah, I went absolutely fantastic when he.
• 17:07
  Speaker A: Showed at the Pavilion. When it was at the pavilion. What are they, Streets? Whenever he filmed his special. Yeah, I was at that one about a month ago. I would totally agree with that. Yeah, he's just. It just. He was just smashing it just from start to finish.
• 17:21
  Speaker B: See, the thing about Christopher is he's a good person. Like, he's got likability. He's a good person. He's brand new. He's doing it my Wednesday night every second week. Sometimes I'm trying to pay him. He's not taking fees. He's just kind and a good person and also just get funny bones. So, see, when you see people like that doing well, I'm like, good on him, and he deserves it. He's worked very, very hard, and he's. He's had help for absolutely nobody. And I'm just very proud of him, man, it makes me feel really happy.
• 17:56
  Speaker A: It's great that you say that, because it's. I love to see it when somebody good does well. But I suppose there'll be other people that will be looking at him funny because he's doing well, and they'll be jealous.
• 18:07
  Speaker B: Yes.
• 18:08
  Speaker A: Do you think he's. Do you think he'll be getting that among certain comedians, or is he just too. Too brand new that everyone will be happy from?
• 18:16
  Speaker B: I think from my experience, if I've ever experienced jealousy and bitterness and people being angry and not happy for you is from people that are not that talented. So it's from the people that don't really matter. So I think he's wise enough, mature enough to deal with and be all right. I mean, I've never heard anybody say anything bad about him. Probably because I slap them. But I'm sure everybody gets it, myself included. Do you know what I mean?
• 18:50
  Speaker A: And if you're listening to the audio podcast, I didn't have you, Christopher, a few months ago. Just look up Christopher MacArthur Boyd. You call that radio? I think we just talked about wrestling for about an hour, but it was funny. It was good stuff.
• 19:02
  Speaker B: Hi. Hi. He's a good boy.
• 19:04
  Speaker A: Aye, 100%. We another way, I suppose you've got the Black Friars on the go to try and work out new material. I was wondering how your podcast, which is brilliant, everyone check that. Check out D's podcast. Does it. Does that also help to sort of flesh out material? Because obviously you're talking about maybe how your week's been or what's happening in the news. Has that been a benefit to your, your stand up material?
• 19:32
  Speaker B: Absolutely. It's like it's made me strip away building things up on a pedestal. Because before I used to be like, right, I've got a gig at the Glee next month. And see, for that full month, I would just think about the gig.
• 19:47
  Speaker A: See.
• 19:48
  Speaker B: No, I'm like, I need to write one hour of, of a podcast every week. Don't get me wrong, it's no rocket science. We're talking shite and having a laugh. But you still have to make it good. So see, that pressure of being like, I need a structured hour here and just get on with, get your head done. I feel like it's removed anxiety, it's made me more confident and it's also made me be like, I, you know what, I'm going to go up and do 10 minutes and eat at black fries. And I might be shy, but that's all right because you have to work at it. So I feel like it's really helped me in terms of like social anxiety and stuff. I just feel better for Dana Space to feel.
• 20:32
  Speaker A: I think the phrase I heard today, I like that we were, I think it was Kirsten Innocent said that we were in. We were at Glad FM today recording Jim's new podcast, beyond the Cringe. So. And Kirsten, this was talking about when the arches took her in, they went, you've got permission to fail or space to fail here. So, you know, just to encourage people, you just don't be scared of making mistakes. That's the only way you're going to learn, especially comedy because it's hard to objectively be funny because everybody's different. Yeah, and mistakes are funny in comedy as well, man. I mean, some, I've seen some stand up comedy that was, I suppose objectively seemed like it was going bad, but everybody's laughing and yes, it's taking a good, you know, just messing up a line can be funny.
• 21:23
  Speaker B: Aye.
• 21:24
  Speaker A: What about your. I was just, I want to go back to the fact that was an improv night. What's your opinion on improv? You ever tried to do improv?
• 21:32
  Speaker B: Well, I mean, anytime I host a gig, it's mostly improv.
• 21:37
  Speaker A: Yeah, but you know what I mean, like the improv group, it was like an improv group thing. So people are shouting at things.
• 21:42
  Speaker B: Aye, hi, guys. We're going to split the room into team A and team B and say, I'm eating a Tangerine for my breakfast and I'm allergic to peanuts.
• 21:54
  Speaker A: Go, yeah, yeah.
• 21:59
  Speaker B: You know. No, I have me. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't. I would happily do it. I think it'd be a good laugh. I'm at a stage in my life now that I'm like, fuck it, man, let's just do things for a laugh. See, if it was 10 years ago, I'd be like, nah, no way, man. I'm not doing that. Bunch of goons. But I'd happily go up and talk about a tangerine for 47 minutes. I've been to a couple and they're good laughs. I mean, I know that improv and comedy for that is different. I mean, Scott Squad was 90, improvised. And I know that.
• 22:34
  Speaker A: I didn't know that.
• 22:35
  Speaker B: Yeah, mate, it was improv. All right.
• 22:37
  Speaker A: So it's basically the kind of. Sort of the cubby enthusiasm type of, like, you've got a. A script roughly, of this is going to happen, set up the scene and then you just go for it.
• 22:49
  Speaker B: Yeah? Yep. And you've got three takes. So I would just be like, I've not got an ego here, guys. If it's shite, tell me it's shite. Feel free to feed me lines. So I would be talking to cameramen, lighting operators, boom operators and stuff, and they'd be like, why don't you try this? Why don't you try that? And I'd try it because we're part of your team. That's the way I looked at it. Anyway.
• 23:15
  Speaker A: I've got. You were at the Gavin Connell. The BBC called you today.
• 23:21
  Speaker B: Yes. Welcome to my life.
• 23:26
  Speaker A: So you get your repass and they get your name wrong.
• 23:30
  Speaker B: Hi. Hi. Fucking A Dates, man. I'm no better.
• 23:35
  Speaker A: But what you do. What are you doing? You said meetings. Can you tell us what you're working on? Something.
• 23:42
  Speaker B: So I am currently writing something for Channel 4 and it won't be too long before it's up. And one of the producers that's working on it is based in that building. So that's why I was in the building today. I can't give too much information on it, but it'll be good. It'll be good and it'll be fun and they get my name right. So there you go. Yeah. How can I moan a bit someday?
• 24:10
  Speaker A: Of course you can.
• 24:11
  Speaker B: I feel lovely about shape, by the way.
• 24:13
  Speaker A: That's all right.
• 24:14
  Speaker B: This is probably why I'm mowing the telly. I'm gonna ship it someday in front of, like, 40,000 people. Have you ever listened to off the Ball?
• 24:22
  Speaker A: Yes, sir. Do you know, I was listening myself there. Phoned off the Ball when I was about 9 or 10 year old and I actually made a joke about Jim. Jim Farre? No, Fergus McCann. I made a joke about Fergus McCann or something. Anyway, it was a bit unvanishing ink pen because Gaza just kicked off during. It just. It doesn't matter. What about it? What about it?
• 24:50
  Speaker B: Is this is Tom Cohen on top?
• 24:52
  Speaker A: It was Tom Cohen and Stuart Cosgrove that. That were on then. I don't know.
• 24:56
  Speaker B: I've not.
• 24:56
  Speaker A: I don't. I don't listen to anymore. No, I don't. I'm not. I'm not aware of where it's at now. Is it still. I don't even know if I Stallone.
• 25:02
  Speaker B: I was on last.
• 25:03
  Speaker A: I know, I know, I know this. I know that Tom, Kerry and Stuart Cosgrove do things at the fringe and that. But. Yeah, so it's one week.
• 25:09
  Speaker B: Yeah, so I was on last week in. Here's a bit of gossip gonna. Anybody listening gonna know tag pages. Not just let me just get it off my chest. So obviously they've not done no research. I'd done a Dundee Panto about nine years ago, right. And they were getting it. You're looking forward to Dundee this year. And I was like, what are you talking about? I thought you were doing Dundee Panto this year. And I was like, mate, that was nine years ago. I don't know, I don't read that. And I was like, have you ever watched Scott Squad? And he's like, ah, no, I knew you were going to say that. And I was like, fucking hell, mate. I can be funny when I can get a word done. And then that was it. That was it. 100 quid. But I was like, why you was getting me on the show? And you don't even know who I'm. I think mental.
• 25:55
  Speaker A: It's a. So how do you get on the show? Was it like just by talking about football on Twitter? And then somebody goes, we've got this celebrity talking about Celtic, so let's invite him on the show.
• 26:10
  Speaker B: Basically, I. So it was Ray Bradshaw that asked his own. Who's very funny. Great guy.
• 26:14
  Speaker A: He's. He's obviously quite. He's. He's quite involved in the football scene. Because the reason I'm saying that is I don't. I'm based now and I've seen him loads of times. He's very funny. He. Yeah, a proper professional on that stage. Man does Surprise me. That he should improv for half an hour does not surprise me. He's just got the confidence. He's always playing. He's got it. He was hosting. Remember the June lockdown when they opened up? It was the. Was the Euros of the World cup and it was like you were allowed to go to the thing, but only if you sat down in your seat and watched it. What you had, it was lots of rules involved and it was Craig Brown. He was interviewing Craig Brown. It was kind of like an off the ball style panel show.
• 26:56
  Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
• 26:57
  Speaker A: So he seemed to be. He's got. It's not his podcast about something about football.
• 27:02
  Speaker B: He's just started a new one, mate. I was a guest on yesterday. He's a great guy, but I didn't mean to like come across as ungrateful there, but I don't think.
• 27:14
  Speaker A: I don't like anyone care. Like. Everybody just wants a gig, man.
• 27:19
  Speaker B: We. Juicy bit of gossip.
• 27:20
  Speaker A: Absolutely 100%. Stephen says. Mark, the Blackfriars night is great. I'll see you then Wednesday. If you make it along, Stephen, from your very old work, can you narrow it down, man? I've had a lot. I've had a lot of jobs over the years.
• 27:36
  Speaker B: It's.
• 27:37
  Speaker A: Where did I work? Stephen. Sorry, Stephen. I know a few Stephens. So you'd. All I've got is a. A profile picture that says S and the word Stephen and old work. And I've, you know, probably been sacked about 30 times. So I need more info. But yeah, I want to go this Wednesday. Who's on this Wednesday?
• 27:58
  Speaker B: Mark Black is headlining.
• 28:01
  Speaker A: Mark Black, brilliant. You're following Paul Black, is it? Paul Black?
• 28:05
  Speaker B: Sorry. Paul Black, sorry, I'm following. Brilliant.
• 28:09
  Speaker A: Yeah. It's win, win either way. It's win win either way. And. And Raven Raymond Mer's superb as well. Type here please, Lar. Yeah, I know it is. All right, Stephen. How you doing, mate? Lar Services. It was. I don't know if it was time to. It was a vacation ownership. That was my first ever job, man. We. It was a very old work. This was sold that we could smoke at our desk. You could smoke a cigarette at your desk and Stephen will be there. Stephen will witness. He would have witnessed this one. My mate Mick, he was being him. No, Mick allegedly was taking a bong at his desk and the boss caught him and all. His boss went, for fuck's sake, what are you doing taking a bong at your desk? Just gave him any trouble. He wasn't happy. It wasn't like There was any disciplinary procedures or any consequences. It was just like stop taking bongs at your desk. As we went through a sheet of paper and phone people.
• 29:18
  Speaker B: Imagine if that happened now you can't even drink Red Bull at your desk.
• 29:25
  Speaker A: Well, that's when the romance of call centers died, when automation came in, I would say, because it used to be quite. See if you just had a good wee. If you were working with people that were quite sound, you could actually have a bit of fun. And it was quite good. But I had a really bad timekeeping issue when I was in my teenage years. And when you just start getting automated. So if you're a minute late, you're going for a disciplinary. No, I don't believe in the whole one minute late thing anyway. I think you should be allowed to be a minute late. I'll work a minute, I'll stay for a minute later. I don't think it's that important. So I find it really hard to take it seriously if I'm one minute late.
• 30:06
  Speaker B: Also bring back. Bring back bongs at desks.
• 30:12
  Speaker A: Oh man, I couldn't even. I couldn't even. I couldn't handle that anymore. Smoking weed, being stoned in a call center. I mean, we've all done it. We've all done it. But no for me. No for me anymore. Jim says can't even jack up at your. Can't even jag up at your desk. Woke. Nonsense. The woke brigade won't even let you smoke heroin while you're on the phones.
• 30:40
  Speaker B: Woke Mafia.
• 30:42
  Speaker A: W Mafia. Stacy says I'm going to go Google bordello and drop kick Murphy's 02 or would be a Black Friday. And it goes every Wednesday.
• 30:51
  Speaker B: Yes, it is every Wednesday. Four pound a ticket. With that four pound you get a two for one pizza deal at Nona Said. I don't get any money for Nona Said, but I set up a pizza deal to get the punters in and to make that a nice comedy environment. And as you can tell, four pound a ticket. I don't earn much for it either, so I tried to make it as cheap as possible.
• 31:13
  Speaker A: And so Wednesday night. I seen you saying last night that you. Wednesday night comedy shouldn't work, but it does. What? Yes, what is the. I don't know if this is still the case, but I remember I used to go to the stand. This is 12 year ago or something, maybe longer. And I always found that Sunday was a good night for comedy. Is that still the case or is that just. Was that just wrong?
• 31:36
  Speaker B: No, no, you're right. I haven't gigged at the stand in a long time. I've not been as a punter for a long time either. So I don't really know what they do in a Sunday now. But back in the day when, when you were talking about it was Michael Redmond's Sunday service, was Michael Redmond. Yeah. A very, very funny Irish comedian that was in Father Ted, but like me with Scott Squad, I think he's, you know, obviously Father Ted is unbelievable, but he's so much more than what he is in Father Ted. He's a genius comedian. I'm not saying I'm a genius. That sounds like I'm blowing smoke up my ass. Help me, Mark. Help.
• 32:15
  Speaker A: I know you're getting. You're getting it. The whole. The type castification of being a successful. Having a successful character. And does that. Does that. Does that annoy you? I suppose it's like. I suppose the equivalent in music would be like being known for one song. People want you to play the same song or do that. Why did you not do that song? Does it annoy you? Are you. Are you grateful? Or is it a bit of both, Depending how you're feeling.
• 32:41
  Speaker B: It depends what song. I mean, if you were Bob Dylan, then I. But imagine if you were Lady Sovan. It'd be a bit shy. So. Lady so even though she's got a couple of belters, to be honest, I've.
• 32:58
  Speaker A: Only had the lady so for ages. Where it was she up to?
• 33:01
  Speaker B: For some reason, I follow her on TikTok. I don't know why, but she just cuts a boatman, she's got a cat, she's loving life.
• 33:09
  Speaker A: She was signed by jay Z in 2005. That's the first thing that came up. So is the Lady Sovereign. Maybe we should have the Lady Sovereign X Ray ward, something like that. Maybe the Lady Sovereign Dennist in part speaking of Dennist in speaking of Denniston. I don't know if you've heard that there was a storm. Is it storm. Iona. Sorry, I don't know how we say it. Ian Storm. Storm exploded an inflatable duck all over Denniston. And if you want a laugh, if anybody wants to laugh, join the Denison information page because it's. It's. There is people taking sides from Connie's bathroom who. Who had the big duck on top and there's people who are saying it's just an act of God, it's not his fault. And there's other people who are taking the balls that fell out the duck. And taking it to a lab and testing it to prove that the balls are not biodegradable and it's bad for the environment. Now I know that you care about the animals and I know you care about the environment so which. Whose side are you taking in this? Are you. Are you. Do you think that the guy should be banned from Denison forever or just banished forever? It should never be allowed again or can we just blame like say come on it's just a. A duck exploded and in the grand scheme of things there's a lot worse things happening to the environment than. Than that.
• 34:38
  Speaker B: I like the idea of somebody getting banished in 2025. I think we should bring that back. Just let's banish your money. The nae empties bins properly. I like how people square go like see small business owners. I love how they're just getting self control or just like if you've got a problem on down in the office then let's sort it out inside. I'm on the guy's side, the guy that owns a duck. Like the fact that he owns a duck. Anyway I'm just like you're a hero mate.
• 35:10
  Speaker A: He said I'm gonna say it as well also because I don't want to fight him at Lakawa he just basically said if it's got a problem come and say it to my face. I'll be at Lakala at 10 o'clock. Was a pub for any minute. Doesn't know. He just let moon straight to my face.
• 35:26
  Speaker B: Amazing.
• 35:27
  Speaker A: And it's. I mean the, it's now going. I mean this has been. It's been building in the background because I'm on the Denison information page. I stayed there for years so I've been watching it build and build and build but now it's getting viral. It's going worldwide. It's almost like a. This year's willy wonk incident is. Is growing legs because people are testing it, testing the dock piston fragments of the exploded duck and calling him a liar and he's saying I'm not a liar. Say it to my face.
• 35:58
  Speaker B: I love that. I mean if I was a business owner I would be a liar as well. You could literally cut. You could catch me putting cement into the ocean and I would be like it's biodegradable. Honestly, it's biodegradable. It's all right.
• 36:12
  Speaker A: I saw Donald Trump stale. This is the most biodegradable material that is ever invented. This is the most biodegradable thing that's ever Happened at least which we got here. I've got make way for the SOV says Stacy. @ least govern me safe. So, Govan, how did you survive the storm? Or were you still hallucinating? Were you a virus? Did you imagine like ducks exploding in front of you window?
• 36:46
  Speaker B: Yeah, I had a great time, mate. I never had a chance to go out to the shops to get much food, so I had a couple of strange combos in the house, but I napped a lot, watched movies and apart from the window kinda shaking me. But I was cool. I enjoyed it, man. I hope it. I'd prefer if it was like that or a time.
• 37:08
  Speaker A: Just. Everything's cancelled. You don't need this.
• 37:11
  Speaker B: All the bosses are for. The teams are.
• 37:14
  Speaker A: Sorry, I can't make any work today, man. You need to find someone else to smoke a bong at the desk.
• 37:19
  Speaker B: I'm.
• 37:19
  Speaker A: I'm just cancelled in it, Chris. I can smoke a bong in a zoom call if that's all right. What about getting it to more international comedy? Because it's a Glasgow International Comedy Festival that you're playing.
• 37:36
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 37:37
  Speaker A: So does that mean that cunts from other places are allowed to play it?
• 37:41
  Speaker B: Yeah, everyone's welcome. Everyone's welcome. That's the beautiful part of Glasgow. Everyone's welcome. Sprinkled with some alcoholism. No, the Glasgow Comedy Festival was off for a couple of years because of COVID and now it's under new ownership and it's. It's nice that it's back. As you can see, there's some amazing axe there. Paul Black's doing it.
• 38:09
  Speaker A: There you are. So you're. That's here. You're quite far up there. That's decent.
• 38:12
  Speaker B: Yeah, it's nice.
• 38:14
  Speaker A: Is your third your third D? So you've got Susie and Russell and Paul Black. I don't know if I kind of recognize them, but I know I like Paul Black. I don't really know Russell Kane. R K, I don't really know Russell Kane. I feel like. I know. I know their face, I know the name, but I don't. I'm not that aware. But yeah, that's lots of good stuff happening. I'm going to that. I'm going to that. I've got a ticket for that.
• 38:45
  Speaker B: You can buy a ticket to Amelia Show.
• 38:48
  Speaker A: Oh, brilliant. Where's that?
• 38:50
  Speaker B: She was asking for you.
• 38:51
  Speaker A: Yeah. Shout out Amelia. So where's she playing? What day is that?
• 38:56
  Speaker B: Amelia Baylor. She's doing Van Winkle off the top of my head. I can't remember the date.
• 39:01
  Speaker A: I'll find It. I'll find it. Amelia Baylor.
• 39:05
  Speaker B: Amelia Baylor is my girlfriend, everybody. Sorry. Humble brag. I get people coming up to us in the street and tell me to my face that I'm punching as well. It's horrific.
• 39:17
  Speaker A: That's what. You know. Somebody said that to me when I first started going it with Joe and it was. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. And then I just remember one of my mates who was also punching. He's like, it's good, it's good. It's just something that people say and I. I suppose it's like a kind of less creepy version of saying, you're a lucky man.
• 39:43
  Speaker B: No, I. I get people like. I get like old woman being like that. Turn. Are you alright? Head. Do you need help? Blink if you need help. I think women are so much better than guys though. Like we age like dogs, man, like goat. We. We get dead fat. My teeth are like lasses, just kind of stay the same. Maybe cuz we're just riddled with hatred. Self hatred.
• 40:13
  Speaker A: Put a link in the comments. We've got Amelia's the 16th.
• 40:17
  Speaker B: What a terrible punt for my girlfriend's show. I'm like, maybe we're just riddled with self hat. Anyway, go and see my girlfriend.
• 40:24
  Speaker A: Show was. So we got. So that's. That's something there. And the text. I put the tickets in the link for. For your one. I feel. I thought I just read something today that was. Tom Segura was playing, but it doesn't seem to be on the website.
• 40:39
  Speaker B: Tom Segura's at the Glasgow Comedy Festival.
• 40:41
  Speaker A: Well, that's what. I don't know if I've. Is this. Is this. AI, hold on. Glasgow. I heard that. Yeah. He's here. Oh yes.
• 40:49
  Speaker B: Is he.
• 40:50
  Speaker A: He's not in the website, but he's. When you type in Tom Segura, Glasgow comedy. It comes up 31st of March at the hydro. Maybe he was going to be touring anyway and they've just went, you know what, let's just collaborate in this. Let's make it look we're going to. He's headliner also.
• 41:08
  Speaker B: Let me just say this as well. And this is no me begging myself up, right? See Tom Segura. Tom Segura is a multi millionaire, right? The guy will be doing 300 gigs this year everywhere, right? Don't go unless you want to go and see them and it will be good. Don't go and see people like that. Go and see people like Amelia and small venues like. Or other venues like you know, the Stand Van Winkle, these comedians, that could be the next big thing. Instead they going and plopping up a millionaire's pension, essentially. Yes, that's what I think.
• 41:50
  Speaker A: No, you're right. It's. It gets, you know, it's looking. I don't know, the music club and it's like Kneecap, for example. They were playing little venues and now when they come back, it's going to be the hydro and it's going to be shite. Sorry. But it just. For me, when it gets. When we start having to go to a football stadium that I. Look, the funds lost for me, Christopher McArthur Boyd, watching him play a theater, you're like, this is special. He's working. You have to get to this point. But he's probably on his way to a hydro. I'm not saying you shouldn't go to the hydro and watch, because I think Suzy's playing. Did she play the hydro as well?
• 42:29
  Speaker B: No, she didn't. She was Daily Kings and Armadillo.
• 42:33
  Speaker A: But I think that's a good. That's a good size. I would say that's the comedy equivalent of the bars. You know, we are playing a nice big audience and it's fun. But, you know, I think when. When someone gets so famous, like, you know, you're. I've heard lots of. I've not actually been at the hydro. You see Kevin Bridges or anything like that, but I'm a big fan of his work. But I've heard people go. And they're just. There's just always stories about people, you know, drinking too much.
• 42:57
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 42:57
  Speaker A: And it's just. It's not the right size for a comedy. It's not intimate enough for that kind of thing. But just talking about. Because you're on. It's the third line of the website, which is good that you're. That's almost top billing. Speaking of which, we're. Wait till you see where we are. Where are we? We were just announced for a festival today and we're. Not that this counts, not that it.
• 43:19
  Speaker B: Mars.
• 43:19
  Speaker A: Right. Just. I'm happy to play, but people secretly care about this stuff. Where are we? We are the third for the bottom. We're playing Eden Festival. We are third from the bottom. But it's worth bearing in mind that we are bottom of the top because there's 250 acts and at least we're in the poster. The first announcement poster that came out today.
• 43:42
  Speaker B: Yes.
• 43:43
  Speaker A: So there'll be another 250. There's probably an example about 50. Another 200 acts. We're just glad to be in the first wave in the poster.
• 43:53
  Speaker B: Good night. Well done.
• 43:56
  Speaker A: Yeah. After they do anything. But it's just someone else's decision.
• 44:00
  Speaker B: No, well done gig in there.
• 44:02
  Speaker A: What?
• 44:03
  Speaker B: Well done and gigging there. I mean.
• 44:05
  Speaker A: Yeah. All right, thanks. We're talking to Tom Segura that. What about Bill Burr and Billy Corgan being brothers? Is that a bit they're doing or is this what's going on there?
• 44:18
  Speaker B: As far as I'm aware, from what I've seen in the background, I think it's a bit. I mean, it would really shock me if they were related as brothers, but I think it's a bit, mate. Which is very funny.
• 44:33
  Speaker A: It's great either way. I just thought that. Yeah. When he came on the podcast, but it caught me for a few seconds. But it feels like a bit.
• 44:44
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 44:45
  Speaker A: But Bill Burr is a good actor because he genuinely looks uncomfortable with the whole thing.
• 44:50
  Speaker B: Yes. Amazing.
• 44:54
  Speaker A: And also he held back his. He's one liners and stuff in a way that made it feel like it was realistic because, you know, Bill Barr's just normally destroying anybody that gets in his path. But he let the guy off the hook. I mean, if he was really upset, then of course it would have been different. How would you rate Bill Barr in the grand scheme of things? I mean, I personally think he's maybe the best at the minute from America.
• 45:22
  Speaker B: It's hard to disagree with that, mate. I think he's the best because he's so consistent. I don't think I've ever watched him and he's been shy. I've watched Dave Chappelle and he's been poor before. I've never watched Bill burn. I've thought, oh, getting a wee bit much or you need a rest. And I think he's got funny bones, man. Yeah.
• 45:45
  Speaker A: I think Bill Burr's just at the stage where he worked so hard to get to this point that he's still hungry for it. And I think sometimes you've got your. Your Chappelles and stuff. Obviously Chappelle's incredible one. Not obviously, there's no doubt about that. But I think he's just so successful now that he just.
• 46:00
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 46:01
  Speaker A: Doesn't he give a sometimes and.
• 46:03
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 46:04
  Speaker A: Who else? Who else? When we talk international American comedy. Sorry. And for American comedy, who's. Is anything else? Anyone else is standing at tea just now?
• 46:15
  Speaker B: I really like a stand up comedian called Chris DiStefano. He's for America and he's doing really well. He Came over. I gigged to him at the stand about 10 years ago and within the last five years he's became worldwide and he's another great guy that I'm just happy that's been. Well, he's fantastic in America. I mean I love Chappelle as well. Boba, Chris Di Stefano, Bobby Lee. I like Bobby Lee. He's funny.
• 46:48
  Speaker A: He's never done a special. I know to believe. I know but he's, he's just announced that he's going to do one.
• 46:54
  Speaker B: Oh, that's good.
• 46:55
  Speaker A: He has. He's just announced that he's finally. I think some. He's got, he got someone. One of the. I don't if it's hbo, I think it's somebody that's try to start a new comedy type streaming service. I think he got the, the money was too much to knock back. So that, that should be interesting to watch cuz I've not really seen a lot of his stand up. I've just seen little bits, little clips and I've seen obviously he's, he's naturally funny in podcasts.
• 47:21
  Speaker B: Uhhuh.
• 47:22
  Speaker A: What do you make of comedy podcast in America? Changing the making, changing the. The election. The historic changes down to a couple of guys having balls and making everyone vote Trump.
• 47:40
  Speaker B: I think, I mean that's essentially how Trump won It really is that he went on a few podcasts. I think it's became saturated. I think it's Joe Rogan, man. I don't really dislike the guy but it's just a bit much and I would rather listen to a football podcast now or a Scottish podcast like some laugh. I've had a wee bit too much of the American podcasts, the comedy podcasts. It's, it's, it's a bit.
• 48:09
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 48:09
  Speaker B: Brain rot for me.
• 48:12
  Speaker A: Yeah. They've all, they've all, they've all done it. They just, they go. They're all in each other's shows too much.
• 48:19
  Speaker B: Uh huh.
• 48:20
  Speaker A: Speaking of which, when am I going on your show?
• 48:22
  Speaker B: Mate, you're more than welcome to come on. I could get you on next week if you want.
• 48:26
  Speaker A: Well no, it's maybe, maybe just a bit too soon. Well maybe no. What day? What did he record it?
• 48:35
  Speaker B: I don't know. I'll get, I'll get dates here.
• 48:37
  Speaker A: We'll do it next week. I feel like it's been a long month. I've just finished the album so I'm going to be ready. I was just waiting till the album was finished before I done it.
• 48:44
  Speaker B: I can get you on whenever then it doesn't have to be next week.
• 48:47
  Speaker A: Next week I'll take next week. Well I'm not going to take it off but I'm just going to. I just need to relax for the week.
• 48:52
  Speaker B: That's cool.
• 48:52
  Speaker A: I'm going to be. I'm going to have the final masters on Monday to listen to the album start to finish. So be in a better place in a week and. Yeah man. So if anyone wants to invite me on anything I need to do actually some promo because we still got quite a lot of tickets left for the 29th of March. We've got a 550 capacity.
• 49:11
  Speaker B: Why.
• 49:12
  Speaker A: But it's like a, it's January though in it so. Hoping that when I, when I get my daily ticket update by tomorrow it's going to have shot through the roof. But yeah, buy it. Buy your tickets. Buy your tickets for Darren Connell show and buy your tickets for us show as well. In fact I'm gonna, I'm gonna give, we're gonna give tickets away to. Who was it that said the Yum Yum Yum. Whoever said Yum Yum? Hospital. Yum Yum Hospitally Grant, you've got two tickets to Gyro Baby's album launch and Darren's. You said that you've got a few tickets to give away for the, the Blackfires gig. I, I'll send a, I'll send a message to the patrons and the first few to get back can go and enjoy it. I'll try and get there on Wednesday as well. But yeah man, it's. It's been great talking to you man and good luck for this show. It's. How would you sum it up? Who are people gonna, who are people gonna go away feeling after they've been at the King's Theatre or the Yum Yum Theatre?
• 50:18
  Speaker B: Cranky Fissure. The Jimmy Cranky Sovereign Theatre.
• 50:22
  Speaker A: The Lady Sovereign Theatre. That actually has a good ring to it. Oh no, no pun joke Sovereign ring joke meant what are they going to feel after they've been to the Lady Sovereign Theatre?
• 50:34
  Speaker B: Genuinely, hand to my heart, I think they're going to walk away from my show in March regardless if you think I'm funny or not. I think you'll think that is a working class stand up comedian that has done nothing but work hard and he's earned that chance. Napdy's gave him it. He's earned it and I'm going to sweat blood into making it as good as I possibly can and hopefully people that come and enjoy it, it's it's going to be the biggest gig of my life and I'm excited for it. I've been through a lot of shit gigs and a lot of nonsense. You know yourself, mate. You know what it's like, man. It's mental.
• 51:20
  Speaker A: We just had one last week but we. We scared away the crowd. It was over. Oh, I don't want to say too much, but it was just. Well, maybe not the right. Maybe it was the wrong demographic. It was just. We seem to scare people. What a. The guitars were too distorted. Maybe we're a bit too loud. Maybe. I don't know. But it was good though. It was a little. A little reminder to everybody because you're going to get them once. I would say that we average one and eight gigs. Seven gigs will be good. Then there'll be one that just reminds you that here it. Be grateful. Be grateful for the other ones. So, yeah, we left our ego at the door. Everyone was ready for it and people left and they're left in trickles. They didn't leave in their droves like I thought. So it was actually a win. They just left. Took, you know, six would leave, then another six would leave. So it wasn't like a mass walkout or anything like that. Everyone was very polite about it and maybe. Maybe they just had a bus to catch, you know. Yeah. Storm. It was a stormy weekend. Maybe there was travel issues as well. But yeah, with the. I wanted to you. But I forgot to ask you about Tik Tok. So. Because you're Tik Tok famous. Is that. That's. That's a fact, is it?
• 52:31
  Speaker B: I. My Tik Tok's doing pretty well. I wouldn't call myself Tik Tok famous.
• 52:35
  Speaker A: I mean, what's the difference? Because I don't really use Tik Tok.
• 52:38
  Speaker B: I've.
• 52:38
  Speaker A: I've made a TikTok and I've uploaded a couple videos. They did shite. And then I just forget that it exists until something they promote, which is probably the wrong way to do it. But what was. What was the. What was the vibe in Tik Tok? The American government tried to ban it. What was it? What was happening? Was there people freaking it?
• 52:57
  Speaker B: Scottish Tiktoks are fucking bonfire, mate. So that's why I don't really want to call myself famous in general. You've got a lot of mental Scottish people eating microwave curries and gain food reviews on it after I've spoke about eating smoked sausages. It's a tool that I use that's helped Me, it has helped me. I put some of my stand up clips up and it's done really well.
• 53:25
  Speaker A: Hold on, can I play the clip? Sing. Let's play the clip, mate.
• 53:30
  Speaker B: It's five to nine on a Friday and I'm in my bedroom singing it. I've got all the time in the world.
• 53:35
  Speaker A: Right, cool. Let's. Let's have a little snippet because I did go to the, the trouble of downloading it and uploading it. I just forgot I was supposed to be have a wee break in the middle. But we just, I just, we just kept talking. So what, what do you want to give us a bit of context to where, where are we in this clip and what's going on?
• 53:53
  Speaker B: This one would have been at Blackfriars and this is when I was hosting. So I'm very grateful that this is an improvised clip as well. A comedian, Jack Trainor, told me about the song and I improvised it and the sound guy helped me when we were on stage. So I'm really, I'm grateful that we got it on camera and it's done really well on TikTok. So it's time to lighten the mood a wee bit, guys. And B, put your phone away. I'm still signed on. Please turn off. Normally they see me with a neck brace on. So we're going to lighten up. A, but okay, okay, September 11th. That's you that's laughing, Mommy. I'm just saying the next time before we get the next comedian on, we're going to do a minute silence. Why are yous laughing? Why are you laughing at terrorism? Youse are horrible guys. But I'll tell you one funny thing about that, right? And it's no me that discovered this. It was, you know, Jack, the guy down the door with a ginger mullet. He looks fucking mental. He looks like he fights bare fisted boxing. He looks like he's had 400 bare fisted boxing fights. That's him. That was the door. I was just like 9 11's fucking mental into it because I'm 37 and he's like 22. So he was like in his dad's boss when that happened and I still remember when it happened. So he pulled his phone, right? And I don't know if this is going to work done here, but I find this mental. He found or you. The Irish might know not. You might not know this. Have you ever heard the DJ Sammy? What's that mate? There's like a IRA UVF remix. A DJ Sammy. So basically Jack on the door found a DJ Sammy 911 remix and it's 15 years old and I'm gonna try my best to play it right? So I kind of get it on Spotify or I'd get the sound guy to play it, air the speakers, but obviously it's by fucking DJ Marijuana or something. Let's just try and play it. Bastard, man. It's no playing. Fuck off. Two seconds. Try and get an. Imagine this one there at the hydro. Kevin Bridges in front of 12,000 people. Two settings, right? I'm just going shopping on my phone, right?
• 57:29
  Speaker A: It's been a year, Daddy.
• 57:33
  Speaker B: I really, really miss you Mommy says.
• 57:37
  Speaker A: You'Re safe now In a beautiful place called heaven.
• 57:45
  Speaker B: We have your favorite dinner tonight I.
• 57:50
  Speaker A: Ate it all even though I don't like carrots.
• 57:56
  Speaker B: I can't believe I have to stone here while that's playing.
• 58:00
  Speaker A: I learned how this one this summer I can even over my eyes I'm underwater.
• 58:16
  Speaker B: Can't we see me? Baby, you're all that I want When I'm lying here in my arms I find it hard to believe NA11.
• 58:37
  Speaker A: And TikTok loved it.
• 58:40
  Speaker B: Thank you very much, mate. Also, I need to tell you that I spoke about it because it was 9 11, it was a Wednesday night and it was 911 and the.
• 58:52
  Speaker A: So tick tock. What is the chances. So you're saying that went did well in TikTok?
• 58:57
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 58:58
  Speaker A: What percentage are we talking here? When the algorithm likes it, does it go 80% better than a normal poster? Like we'll be talking as somebody that doesn't understand TikTok, I'm not really good with numbers.
• 59:10
  Speaker B: I would say a normal video does about 5,000 views and then a video like that does like 50. I've had a couple of videos go 100, 200. I've had one that nearly done a million. So I was talking straight about Gareth. I seen Gareth Gates, mate. See, when I was. I don't know if you've seen this.
• 59:30
  Speaker A: I did see this. I did see something about this, but.
• 59:32
  Speaker B: Yeah, next story, right, so see right before I get the norovirus, see, that way you know you're getting sick and you can taste shite in your mouth and you're like, I'm gonna get sick or something wrong with me. I was walking through the four corners, right? And see, when I was half tripping, Gareth Gates walked past me at the four corners, mate, I swear, mama's life. And I was like. At first I was like, no way, man. I'm fucking up my nut. Because why would Gareth Gates be at the four corners. Got my phone out. And I was like, guys, you'll never guess what. Gareth Gates just walked past me at the four corners. Everybody was like, ah, you're a crackpot. You're fil. Sh. You've relapsed. Next day, he posts a 40. BBC Scotland. He's getting interviewed off Michelle McManus. So I was like, there you go. It was Gareth Gates at the Jimmy Kanky brain injury clinic. So there you go.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker A: It'd be funnier, though, if it wasn't the Gareth Gates. Even though you watch him clutch, there's a percentage. There is a small percentage chance that it was just a guy that looked like Gareth Gates, but he just so happened to be in Glasgow at the exact same time. And he's like, I didn't. He hadn't. He walked through the four corners. I suppose the way. We need to get Gareth Gates to confirm this. In fact, Michelle McManus was hosting the gig that. That we. We didn't do very well at last week. It was Michelle McManus hosting. It was people doing beautiful burn songs acapella. And then we're coming on with the start of guitars and shouting about the Daily Mail.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker B: Smoking bongs.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker A: Bongs. Last thing I want to talk about is fitness, because obviously I've been doing the. I've been going to the gym eight times since Christmas, according to Matt. Or nine times, including yesterday. So nine times since Christmas on the first of January. I was there at half eight in the morning or something. Amazing. So I've been doing the treadmill. You've got a mobile treadmill. I don't know if that's the right term.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker B: Yeah. Is that.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker A: Is that a term? So how fast do you walk? Because you. You. You've obviously been doing. You've been getting your steps in for years now. D Just. Do you crank it right up. What's. What does a walking with Dan Connell look like?
• 1:01:52
  Speaker B: Walking for me in the house is I can't really watch a movie when I'm using it because it is quite loud. But it's really good for when the football's on. So normally. Because if the football's on, right, I'll be like, oh, man. I feel really bad for, like, sitting on the couch and watching the football, but if I walk for 90 minutes, that's like 5,6000 steps on top of the 10,000 steps I would get outside. It only goes up to a certain speed. Six. Number six. It goes up. So it's like quite a fast walk, but you're drinking cups of tea on it and stuff. You know. Exactly. Breaking a sweat. But how do you want to buy it? I says I was.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker A: I was just. I was thinking of getting one. I've. I've looked at it. It pops up in my. That is coming up in my adverts is appearing in my Amazon or even like here. You were looking at this close the deal. I just don't think I've got much. I just don't get much space in here.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker B: I'm telling you. See if you do 10,000 steps a day and just figure out your calories it will change your life. As I'm smoke. I ate. I smoked sausage. Right.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker A: But so how many steps you need a day to get rid of that?
• 1:03:04
  Speaker B: 10,000 steps a day man.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker A: 10,000 steps and you get rewarded with a smoked sausage. They just mate.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker B: It's a bit. It's about calories and calories. Yeah.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker A: You actually made me realize as well that it's the. One of the reasons I've probably not lost weight is even though I've been going to the gym I've been drinking non alcoholic Guinness somewhat quite a lot.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker B: That's probably no good.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker A: I'm on about 24 cans a day. No no obviously nothing like that. But I'm still having my. I'm still. I probably. I'm not trying to. I'm not too bothered about the. The calories just now. It's not about vanity it's just about generally just trying to feel a bit.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker A: So I'm only trying to give myself like food rules or anything. I'm just. I just think that in naturally I've been eating healthier just because you know when you've just actually spent some time in the gym you don't want a. You like you walk by the chippy and just think I'll just. I could if I want chips I can just make oven chips. You know there's a part of you that just doesn't want to undo all the good work naturally but I'm not giving myself any rules. Mostly home cooked but I'll have a takeaway if I want.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker B: You know me see this. I don't. I mean it's Friday night and people are probably full of kept listening to this.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker A: Everybody. Everybody is get. Just get paid and they've just decided that they're. They're ducking out dry January and 8 o'clock. If they're watching us right now they're probably. They are not drinking I'm guessing is anybody let us know in the comments. He's drunk. Are you drinking? Me? Try to get Midnight.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker B: I'm nine years sober in December there, mate, and I miss Bucky. But here. Calories, mate. If you know the amount of calories that you should eat a day. I could eat a chippy every single day. See, as long as I'm in a calorie deficit, I can eat whatever I want. My heart will probably explode. I might die before I'm 40. But I will lose weight. It's a bit calories and calories.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker A: So I have heard this. What? How do you know? How do you find it? How many calories are allowed?
• 1:05:15
  Speaker B: So you can get the NHS website, right? You go in the BMI calculator, you put in your height, your weight. So say. Say somebody's 20 stone and they're six foot. It would say your daily calories are 3,000 calories a day. So for you to go in a calorie deficit, you would put yourself to 2,500 a day. So the last time. The last time. The last time I checked, my calories were. I was quite heavy when I checked, so my calories were like 3,800. No, no, wait a minute, sorry. 2800. And I put myself into 2,200. Get my fitness pal. And I just literally ate whatever I wanted as long as it was 2,200 calories a day. I've done my 10,000 steps. I'm a 34 in the waist, I'm an XL and a shirt. Sometimes it's tight, sometimes it's loose. My banger's big. Hear me? Life is good, mate.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker A: Is it? Can you get too obsessed with the calorie count, though, is that this is the thing, is it? Can it not become an like. I suppose. I suppose, if you're aware of what. What things are in general, or are you specifically putting antenna up?
• 1:06:29
  Speaker B: Oh, you can get obsessed. I mean, I know a boiled egg is 70 calories. That's pathetic.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker A: 70 calories. So I'm probably. I'm probably the. The treadmill.
• 1:06:38
  Speaker B: I'm.
• 1:06:38
  Speaker A: According to the machine, but once again, I don't. How does the machine know? I'm not sure there's much science to that, but I'm probably doing about 70 calories 0.7 miles in the treadmill at brisk, according to the machine that I use. But I'm a brisk. I'm brisking up. I can feel the, like, you know, at the start, it was like the heart rate going up was kind of giving me anxiety because it's like, you know, Avoiding. Trying to avoid that feeling. But now I can feel myself. I'm just brisking. I'm going full steam ahead. But it doesn't seem like you're walking. Does a lot to the calories. Like, it seems like you need to do quite a lot to. To get the. The egg. No, 20 minutes. How much walking to get ready an egg?
• 1:07:27
  Speaker B: 10,000 cat. 10,000 steps from the moment you wake up in the morning to you go to bed. So that could be. If that could be taking the stairs at work instead of the lift. Do you know what I mean? It doesn't have to be breaking a sweat as long as you just take 10,000 steps. You can get a phone, you can get a step counter on your phone. So if you finish early work one day, just walk it in for your work and you'll probably do 10,000 steps.
• 1:07:56
  Speaker A: Music festivals are mental for that. Probably doing 30,000, 40,000 in a day, doing a music festival. Stephen's not drinking tonight because the wise man once said, hangovers are shite. They are shite. Honestly, man, I think I'm done with them. I like the idea of just never having a hangover again. And there was, you know, I've done a couple of, like I said, being social this month, going to the comedy gigs, going to a couple music gigs, and I was in the studio finishing the album. And obviously I wouldn't drink before. I would not. Normally I wouldn't drink before I record, but usually just after, when you're listening back, I would normally have a can and stuff like that, but I didn't do that. And then playing the gig, I used to. I like a beer before I went on stage, but when I used to have a Guinness zero, they ran out of Guinness zero. But I just. It felt good to just like, what does one can of beer do anyway? It's not like making me better. It's doing very little. So I think just. And. And it's a buzz, man. I mean, it was quite scary.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker B: And, well, if you're ever looking for a sober friend, I'm always here. We can go for a munch or a coffee.
• 1:08:59
  Speaker A: Yeah, I think I'm getting into it because the, the there, the jump. When I was younger, I used to get steaming before. We used to play gigs, like years ago, because obviously looking back, I was probably shaking myself. But I didn't realize. And then when phone cameras started getting better, I was like, no, I kind of have that kind of footage of that going a bit. So I've just been kind of just one Beer before I go on stage and one beer on stage. But I want to get rid of it completely because genuinely get feeling that adrenaline.
• 1:09:29
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker A: And I think I could get into that actually. That's a good question for you. The. The thing that did bother me so I stayed at a BNB after it and that was me awake till 4 in the morning. How do you get. How do you deal with that? Do you not get buzzing after a gig? How do you switch off?
• 1:09:48
  Speaker B: I do get buzzing after gigs, mate. But wait, aginger.
• 1:09:52
  Speaker A: We don't talk about that. But we'll see, we'll see. Clinging on to my 30s. I'm clinging on.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker B: Well, I'm 37, mate, and I've been doing it for that long now that I'm just kind of used to it because I've been sober for nine years. So I don't have coffee after 4:00 on a gig night and I've cut down in coffee anyway. I probably have one every second day. I drink a lot of Lucazid in that. But it's just becoming aware, like if I drink the coffee after 5:00 I'm probably not going to sleep.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker A: I'm the same, I like coffee, but it's just. I just. I don't know, sometimes. Sometimes I'm all right and then sometimes it's so nice I have a second one and I'm talking about early on in the day even.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker A: And. And it's just. It's not like I'm totally wired around, it's just that I'll notice I'm not going to sleep till about 5 in the morning and then getting up and because you're so tired the next day you need another coffee and it's just like. Well, as an addiction and it's the.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker B: Same with Red Bull and all that. I don't drink that on gig nights. But see, if I get to a gig, mate, it's just a bit like, just having common sense. Like I did get really high after a gig and I get really mad lows if I die in mass as well. But see, if I'm gigging on a Friday night, I do. Well, I'm like, ah, it. If I want a McDonald's or a chippy, I'm gonna have it. And I go back, watch a movie and probably would fall asleep for maybe one or two o'clock. I've got a girlfriend new as well, so maybe I just go back to hells and chill. But it's not that hard for me. I've got Vitamins here. I've got these. Magnesium, magnesium citrate. And that helps you with sleep, so I take that as well.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker A: I've got my magnesium, magnesium and I can't read it here, but I think it's magnesium and vitamin B12 or something.
• 1:11:45
  Speaker B: I think he. Nine times.
• 1:11:47
  Speaker A: It does seem to help.
• 1:11:49
  Speaker B: Or. Or we could just smoke bongs, mate.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker A: Smoke bongs at a desk. Last fitness question. Do you know anything about protein powder? Some people tell me that I need to have my protein powder after I've done my weights. Is this real?
• 1:12:06
  Speaker B: So I've got a nutrition company that sponsors my podcast and if you want a discount, mate, it's actually called smoked sausage 30. Because honest to God, mate, honest to God, I can sort you out. I'm leaving Kidnono.
• 1:12:20
  Speaker A: Tropics, Nootropics. Smoked sausage Nootropics.
• 1:12:23
  Speaker B: Hi. Here. I'm not an expert on protein or weights, but I know that protein's good for you. I know that as well. So not a lot of calories though, all right? And. And protein fills you up as well, mate. So see when I see when I'm back in the day, when I was actually quite fat, see, in the morning. Do you like cottage cheese?
• 1:12:44
  Speaker A: I don't mind it.
• 1:12:46
  Speaker B: Right, listen to this for a wee trick. See, in the morning, I had four boiled eggs in a bowl with a couple of spoonfuls of cottage cheese. Mash it up instead of mayo and I would have that with some salt and pepper. You're talking about 50 grams of protein. See that, mate, that's so much protein, it will probably fill you up to dinner time. That's what protein does. It's food for your muscles and it's fallen.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker A: I've pretty much had a boiled egg sandwich every day this month. And I'll. With salt and pepper, like you said. I love it. It's a good breakfast.
• 1:13:24
  Speaker B: I love how you said, I love it there.
• 1:13:26
  Speaker A: I know I do. Like, I'm actually. Like, today. I was actually just going because I was worried. I think Jim's watching the show. We're recording Jim's new podcast, beyond the Cringe. Coming soon.
• 1:13:36
  Speaker B: Jim. What's his son name?
• 1:13:37
  Speaker A: Jim.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker B: Morning, Jim. How you doing, mate? The poet? Yes. Yep. So you're going to ask him about protein? I know you can't. Why are you asking me about protein? I'm getting the fear.
• 1:13:48
  Speaker A: First of all, just before I went, I was like, I didn't even get a good sleep last night and I was just like, oh, I've got to go. I've got to go and do all this stuff. And then I was like, you've got your boiled egg, you've got your lord pack, you've got your. Everything's fine. And I just. Boiled egg. And I went, I'm grateful for my boiled egg and it's every day, but I feel like that takes a lot of the thought process away from my daily is. I. I'm having my boiled egg and I love it. Don't know how long this is going to last for, but I'm not sponsored by boiled eggs. But I'm. I'm open to offers, mate.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker B: I'm having. I want four boiled eggs right, for your breakfast tomorrow.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker A: Cottage cheese bread with bread. The bread's bad. You want. You're, you're. You don't like bread, do you, mate?
• 1:14:30
  Speaker B: I eat a full. Mate, I, I told you I had a piece and smoked sausage 20 minutes before the podcast. No, it's just if you have four boiled eggs with lots of cottage cheese. Imagine people watching this. They'll be like, why is Bobby for Scott Squad talking about fucking boiled eggs? I'm just saying if you had four boiled. I feel like I'm full of eckies at a party. Boiled eggs with cottage trees, man, for your backwards. As I'm doing smoked sausage farts in my fucking room.
• 1:15:01
  Speaker A: Jim's got Scott. He's still watching just in a lamb biryani. Protein up to my eyeballs.
• 1:15:05
  Speaker B: All right, that's a good dinner. Lamb's good. I like glam.
• 1:15:10
  Speaker A: Okay, well, I, I think I've got enough. I was just, I'm just genuinely. That wasn't like I was in podcast mode. That was me just trying to see like, okay, it's January. Like I've got. I think I should probably get my tax return finished because it's the 31st of January and it's quarter past nine, so I'm going to go and do that.
• 1:15:33
  Speaker B: I've never had an interview end like that, mate. I need to go and finish my tax.
• 1:15:37
  Speaker A: I was actually. I just felt. I was just like. I went from like the, the chilled, relaxed, enjoyed vibe because I'm on the CBD infused trip. I've just had one of them. It's not as good as smoking a bong at your desk, but it does the job. And I've went from that. Just feeling quite like, oh, this is nice. I'm grateful for being sobriety. No hangovers and eating eggs to. There's a. There's always a hang in there. There's always a hang to Just ruin your day. And that's my thing. So I'm gonna get that done because it's actually freaking. So I'm gonna finish that.
• 1:16:09
  Speaker B: Thank you.
• 1:16:10
  Speaker A: One more time. Promote that gig one more time. And I'll put this in the audio channels as well.
• 1:16:17
  Speaker B: Thank you very much. So my gig is at the King's Fer in Glasgow on the 27th of March. That's a Thursday night. There's also going to be an after party at Blackfriars when I'm going to make the tickets two pound or something and those tickets are going to get donated to a charity. I'm also going to buy pizza in and I'll hire a dj and it's just going to be a celebration. So if you like me, if you've seen Scott Squad, if you like stand up comedy, it would really mean a lot and possibly change my life for the better. If he's bought a ticket for the. For the King show, it mean a lot and get it right up the pavilion, man. Cranky bastards.
• 1:16:59
  Speaker A: Amazing, man. Yeah, thank you, Dan. I'll see you. I'll see you there. That's me. Got it. My diary. I'll go. I'll get my ticket. I get paid in Monday, so I'll get my ticket. I'll support the hang. See you there, man. All the best, mate. Dan Connell. Go to the King's Theater or the Lady Sovereign Theatre or whatever it is. I hope that you enjoy your lamb biryanis and the rest of dry January and I'll see you soon. We. When's the next show? Don't know. The Gyro Babies album, Dreams Are Mental is officially finished. Pre order it on Bandcamp, get your tickets on Skittle and I'll see you soon. If you don't really know what's going.
• 1:17:52
  Speaker B: On, there's a show that Russell doesn't.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker A: Know what's going on.
• 1:17:57
  Speaker B: Call that radio tv.
• 1:17:59
  Speaker A: You call that radio. Call that radio tv? You call that radio tv?