Latest / (re)Parenting Radio / 30: The Hidden Layers of Self-Awareness - The Work Doesn't End, it Expands

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30: The Hidden Layers of Self-Awareness - The Work Doesn't End, it Expands · (re)Parenting Radio

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reparenting Radio.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Lisa Watson, Architect of Human Transformation.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is a space for leaders, parents, and anyone ready to break old patterns, regulate their nervous system, and show up in their life with clarity and self-trust.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready to change the way you lead, love, and live, you're in the right place.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let's begin.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Reparenting Radio.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to talk about self-awareness.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: And excuse me, because I am still getting over this darn cough of mine that I have had for nearly two weeks, so I apologize for the raspy voice, but self-awareness.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think that most people understand how important self-awareness is.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we do hear about it all the time.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Heck, I talk about it all the time.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness is the first step to any healing, right?
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: The first step to improving ourselves in any way.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Our relationships, our money situation, just our life in general.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: We have to have awareness, right?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: And most people, especially if you're here with me on this podcast, you have probably already started that process.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you have.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've already started to look inside at yourself and what you look like on the outside.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've already noticed some patterns.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've already had the moments where you've thought, oh, I wonder why I do that.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a part of this that that doesn't really reveal itself right away.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: It takes until you've been practicing self-awareness for quite a while.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I've been practicing this for a good solid 10 years, I would say.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And what I've noticed is that self-awareness is not something that we simply arrive at.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a one-and-done.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that we get better at, that we deepen into.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And this matters because I know a lot of people approach this work like there's some sort of a finish line, you know, like I'm done with my inner child healing.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I already know my patterns.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm aware of my triggers.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I get that because at the beginning, trust me, I was that way too.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I thought for sure there was an end, and 10 years into it, I'm like, oh, I see how it works now.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's really a beginning.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Every day is a new beginning.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I get that because in the beginning, it does feel like an arrival, you know, like you arrive somewhere.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like you're waking up.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: You start to notice things that you genuine genuinely did not see before.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: The way that you react, the way that you shut down, the way you overextend yourself, the way you try to control outcomes or avoid them.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And the added benefit to your own self-awareness is you start to have more awareness of others' behavior, others' behavior as well.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: You start to see where their patterns are, and maybe you're starting to not take them so personally or be so attached to them, but you're also observing their patterns as an observer.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you also start to notice when when you get into this work how it is that you're distracting yourself, how you reach for things not because you actually want them, but maybe because you don't want to feel something.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you eat more, you scroll more, you smoke more, watch TV, maybe you have more sex, not from a place of desire, but from a place of escape, numbing, distraction.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And again, that alone can feel like a huge awakening when you start to see those things in yourself.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it can feel really intense as well because it's like, how have I been doing this my whole life and not even really noticed?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: And for a moment, it can feel like maybe you've cracked the code on life or on yourself, like, okay, I see it, I got it now.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: But honestly, that's just the first layer.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where a lot of people unknowingly stall out because they think the awareness itself is the end of the road.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: But awareness isn't the end of the road, it's the beginning of a deeper relationship with yourself, a relationship with your patterns, your emotional responses, your beliefs, your nervous system.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And your relationships, they will deepen over time the more you deepen that relationship with your own self.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: So if you stay in it, if you keep observing yourself without judgment, and that is truly the key here: no judgment, no shaming, simply observing, watching, taking note.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Without trying to rush change, you just want to start seeing more.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not louder things necessarily, but the quieter ones.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: You start to notice not just what you do, but why you do it.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where those distractions they start to make more sense because now you're not just seeing that you scroll, you're recognizing when you scroll.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's right after something happens that feels uncomfortable, maybe even a thought, right after a moment of uncertainty, or after someone reacts to you in a certain way.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: You're not just noticing that you pour a glass of wine, you're noticing the feelings or the thoughts that came right before you decided to get up and pour that glass of wine.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're not just aware of the behaviors that you have anymore, you truly begin, you truly begin to see what it is that you're trying not to feel.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a completely different level of self-awareness.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just that I say yes when I mean no, it's that I feel unsafe in disappointing people.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just, hmm, I get anxious.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's that my body has learned to associate stillness with danger.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not just that I'm noticing that I overwork, it's that I believe that my value comes from what it is that I produce.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And now we're in a whole new level of self-awareness.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the part that I have really been coming to see on a deeper level these last few weeks.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because every time you see one of your own patterns, you're not just becoming more aware, you're collecting data and you're gathering pieces.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Pieces of the puzzle that before this you were living inside of without even realizing that it was a puzzle.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And now you're stepping outside of it as the observer and saying, Oh, that's a piece, I see it.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: This belief over here, that's another piece.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: This reaction, this emotional response, this pattern, these are all pieces.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of feeling trapped by those behaviors or by your life or in your life, you start to see the structure of it.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: You start to see how your own behavior behaviors are creating the structure of the life that you're living within.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I want I want you to really hear this because you couldn't see the pieces before, not because you weren't trying, not because there was anything wrong with you.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like you can't see the forest through the trees, not because you were missing something, but because you didn't have the capacity yet to hold what it is that you would see.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because awareness, it reveals things in layers.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Every time I say that, I hear my husband quoting Shrek when he says, layers.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know what else has layers?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Parfait has layers.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: I just thought I'd throw that in there because I can't seem to get it out of my head.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: So if something is coming into your awareness right now, it's because you're ready.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're ready to see it.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if you keep going, you're gonna find there's more shifts and there's more layers.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: You stop just noticing the patterns in your mind and you start to feel them in your body.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: You may start to feel the tightening in your chest before you speak, the urgency in your system before you act, the the contraction in your gut when something challenges your sense of safety.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: And now you're not just self-aware, you're connected deeper to yourself.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where your power really begins to expand.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because now that you have this deeper level of self-awareness, you can catch things much earlier.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: You can you can respond instead of react.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: You can get regulated before you spiral.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can get grounded before the full pattern starts to play out.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And and here's where everything starts to really come together because once you have the pieces, the more pieces that you gather up, you're no longer just observing your life or the this avatar that you are.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can actually start to build your life more consciously.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because now you can see, oh, this belief leads to this behavior.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, this behavior is creating this result.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, this emotional pattern keeps recreating this experience.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: This story I'm telling myself every time this happens is creating this feeling, which is then creating this reaction.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't happen all at once, it definitely doesn't happen cleanly and perfectly, but it can happen intentionally.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can say, okay, if I know this is the belief that I'm running here, what would I rather believe?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: If I know this is my automatic response, what would it look like if I paused instead?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: How would I prefer to respond?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if I know that this pattern leads me here every time, what's one small shift that I can make to interrupt the pattern?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: And now you're not trying to fix yourself, you're simply working with the pieces that you've recognized.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: You start to understand the system, you've done an audit of it, you see how it works.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: You now come in as like the consultant to yourself and restore leadership.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you notice that every time you go to send a message, you overthink it, you rewrite it, you soften it, you make sure it's just perfectly received.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's a piece of the puzzle.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Then you notice, oh, I'm afraid, I'm just afraid of being misunderstood.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: I really don't want to be misunderstood.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's another piece of the puzzle.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then you feel it in your body, maybe tightness or hesitation or holding back somehow.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Another piece of the puzzle.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: And now instead of just reacting automatically, you're pausing, you're choosing.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is how this work really begins to benefit you.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Not in big dramatic changes, but in small conscious shifts.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And over time, those small shifts, they really begin to change everything.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're no longer being run by unconscious patterns.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're in relationship with them now.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can see them, you can feel them, you can choose within them.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where your freedom and your sovereignty actually is.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's not in the absence of patterns, but in the ability to see them, to recognize them, but not be controlled by them.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: So when people say this work never ends, that can sound scary and exhausting.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: But when you understand it like this, that you know, it's not exhausting, it's expansive.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: When you understand that the work is uh gathering puzzle pieces, the work is that of a detective, the work can be intriguing, the work can be interesting.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: As long as we're removing the shame and the judgment from it.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: The trick is truly just to be an observer, a non-judgmental observer.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: And each layer will bring more clarity, more choice, more ability to create your life intentionally.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: And you can stop being stuck within your own loops when you recognize what those loops are.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: You once you recognize the loop, you have the ability to come in and interrupt the loop.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: I let me let me just name one for you here, a a big one.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: My experience growing up and the behaviors that were modeled for me um by my mother.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna pick on my mother right now, but my mother, her go-to res emotional response when things got um difficult was to go to bed, depression.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And she would just go, she would usually go to the library and get like eight books, and she'd walk into a room with like a stack of books and shut the door, and we knew we might not see her for like three days, and she would just hide in there and sleep, and and that's how she got regulated, that's how she felt safe.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: But for me, because those patterns were modeled for me, when I started doing this work, it wasn't until I started doing this deep self-awareness work in my mid-40s that I began to recognize that I too would sometimes go to that same behavior, the going to bed for a period of time.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't like ever like my mother, where I'd go get a bunch of books and sit in my room for three days or hide.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: But but there were times when I felt overwhelmed.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: It was just my first thought was I just want to go to bed.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to go hide.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to get away.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: What was came from that awareness was that I was able to interrupt the pattern.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Cultivating that awareness allowed me to break the loop because I started to recognize it.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I want to go to bed.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, what am I feeling?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't I feel safe?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on here?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so instead of going to bed or hiding, I would do something different, like go get some sunshine, go out for a walk, try something different.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I just decided that that was not a pattern of behavior that I wanted to continue.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: And now that I recognized it, I was able to make a different choice so that I was no longer stuck in that loop.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Becoming more aware is how you truly learn how to restore leadership back into your avatar.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's it gives you the data points that you need to recognize when that adult leadership has left the body.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: So if you find yourself noticing new things about yourself, seeing patterns that you didn't see before, feeling like there's always another layer, and it feels a little exhausting.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: I want you just to pause and remember.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, everything is simply information.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: How you choose to process, judge, assimilate that information is your choice.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: So this week, don't try to fix anything.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: Just observe.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: And when something comes into your awareness, instead of judging it, just say that's information.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that's another piece of the puzzle that makes up me.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: And get curious.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Curiosity is the best way to become more aware.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: I love you guys.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here with me, and I will see you all next week.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Have a good one.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Reparenting Radio.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: If today's conversation supported you, take a moment to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who knows they were made for more than the patterns that they inherited.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready for serious inner work and real transformation, personally or professionally, you can explore my leadership pathways at Lisa-Watson.com.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're raising little ones alongside your own healing, you'll find my children's books at awakintheone.org.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, stay grounded, stay open, and keep reparenting the parts of you that are ready to come home to their authenticity.