Latest / The You Project / #1708 A Phantom, A Goal-Keeper & A Bogan Walk Into A Bar.. - Josh Piterman & Bianca Chatfield (PT1)

Transcript

#1708 A Phantom, A Goal-Keeper & A Bogan Walk Into A Bar.. - Josh Piterman & Bianca Chatfield (PT1) · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: I'll get ada, Bloody Champions. Welcome to another installment of
0:03
Speaker 1: the You Project. And when I say the You Project,
0:05
Speaker 1: not really, well it is, but it isn't. Every now
0:08
Speaker 1: and then I do what's called a co share, where
0:13
Speaker 1: I've been on someone else's show and we do this
0:15
Speaker 1: the other way around to where they've been on my show.
0:18
Speaker 2: But I was.
0:19
Speaker 1: Recently on Josh Pitterman. Josh Pitterman, Me Me, me me,
0:23
Speaker 1: you know miserab and Phantom of the Opera and that
0:26
Speaker 1: world famous, famous or famous even singer, that Australian product too.
0:32
Speaker 1: He and I have become good friends anyway. He's got
0:34
Speaker 1: a amazing podcast called Behind the Mask, Behind the Mask,
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Speaker 1: you know, Phantom of the Opera, Mask, all that shit. Yep,
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Speaker 1: Sure I didn't need to explain that, Okay. Bianca Chatfield,
0:46
Speaker 1: who's also a friend of mine, who played Neddie for
0:48
Speaker 1: Australia Australian Diamonds. She was vice captain, she played a
0:53
Speaker 1: million tests, she won Bloody, Commonwealth Games and World Champs
0:57
Speaker 1: and she's a superstar. Anyway, Bianca and myself were on
1:01
Speaker 1: Josh's show recently.
1:03
Speaker 2: It went for a long time. One for a long time.
1:06
Speaker 1: I'm going to say he's chatty, she's chatty, I'm chatty.
1:10
Speaker 1: It was a very verbose experience all round, and we
1:15
Speaker 1: spoke about success. We did a deep dive of success
1:18
Speaker 1: is different things for different people. Different for the fantom
1:21
Speaker 1: of the opera to the elite ex athlete now media
1:24
Speaker 1: personality and the ex fat kid from Latrobalu who's trying
1:27
Speaker 1: to figure out what the fuck he's doing. All different.
1:31
Speaker 1: But it was a really interesting conversation. So I've decided
1:35
Speaker 1: to take that very long conversation and chop it in
1:37
Speaker 1: two to create two installments of the project for your edification,
1:45
Speaker 1: for your uplifting. Anyway, here it is have a good day.
1:57
Speaker 3: My guest today, I know strangers to success. The anchor.
2:01
Speaker 3: Chatfield is the former vice captain of the Australian women's
2:04
Speaker 3: netball team, the Diamonds. She won gold medals at the
2:08
Speaker 3: Commonwealth Games and the World Netball Championships. Since retiring, she's
2:12
Speaker 3: gone on to do many things, a role as a
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Speaker 3: keynote speaker, she was a contestant on the Block and
2:20
Speaker 3: she commentates on Fox Sports. Craig Harper is one of
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Speaker 3: Australia's most renowned leaders in health, high performance, corporate change
2:32
Speaker 3: and personal transformation. He founded, owned and ran Harper's Personal
2:38
Speaker 3: Training for over twenty five years, which I believe is
2:42
Speaker 3: the first personal training studio in the country. He is
2:46
Speaker 3: also a renowned keynote speaker. Craig has become a dear
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Speaker 3: friend of mine and a great mentor. He's an exercise
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Speaker 3: scientist who you may have seen on radio and television
2:59
Speaker 3: over many, many years, and he's just about to complete
3:04
Speaker 3: his PhD in neuropsychology. Just add that to the mix
3:08
Speaker 3: of successes. But as we know, success is often in
3:13
Speaker 3: the eyes of the beholder, who knows what's going on
3:16
Speaker 3: behind the mask of seemingly successful people. So with the
3:21
Speaker 3: help of Harps and chatters, we're going to go behind
3:26
Speaker 3: the mask of success. Welcome to the show, guys.
3:29
Speaker 4: Love your work, Thank you true.
3:31
Speaker 1: How did he do that all in one bloody, beautiful
3:35
Speaker 1: foul swoop, without autocure.
3:38
Speaker 3: Without well just stuffed it up twice before? Well, you
3:42
Speaker 3: saw I had a couple of false stars.
3:43
Speaker 2: You saw Coldplay last night. You're a bit seedy. Let's
3:46
Speaker 2: be honest. How was it?
3:48
Speaker 3: It was epic? That so epic?
3:50
Speaker 2: What do you love about him?
3:51
Speaker 1: And what did you love about the experience all of
3:53
Speaker 1: a sudden, it's my show.
3:54
Speaker 3: You're welcome podcast.
3:57
Speaker 2: Well you said, let's just make it a chat. I'm
4:00
Speaker 2: just following instructions.
4:02
Speaker 3: You're off air before he went on air. It's the
4:07
Speaker 3: the very very thin veil between his persona and the
4:12
Speaker 3: and the person between the performer, between the mask and
4:18
Speaker 3: the soul behind the mask. He's just he leads with
4:21
Speaker 3: his hearts. I mean, guys, it's just so authentic, Like
4:28
Speaker 3: it's just you feel like you have a gateway into
4:30
Speaker 3: this guy's heart and his talent and all of that.
4:34
Speaker 3: But in the process, he creates a oneness. And I
4:38
Speaker 3: think that's what you know in a world is so
4:41
Speaker 3: separate and so divided and has so much tunics, so
4:45
Speaker 3: much duality. Are you you know? Are you positive or negative?
4:48
Speaker 3: Are you Trump or Paris? Are you this or that? Like,
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Speaker 3: he removes the separate, the twoness, the separateness, and he
4:56
Speaker 3: finds the oneness. And so fifty five thousand people all
5:00
Speaker 3: become one with him, and that is a beautiful power
5:04
Speaker 3: to be able to have and because we need that
5:07
Speaker 3: one this because it's that's love, you know, And ultimately
5:11
Speaker 3: it's love that coalesce is the universe, so we need
5:15
Speaker 3: to feel that, we need to feel out more than
5:17
Speaker 3: ever at the moment. So he's such a good conduit,
5:20
Speaker 3: an amazing conduit for love.
5:22
Speaker 5: And you know, I got that experience. I think when
5:25
Speaker 5: I went to Taylor Swift earlier this year. I mean, Craiger,
5:27
Speaker 5: you would have been at Taylor.
5:28
Speaker 4: I'm sure.
5:31
Speaker 1: I love a bit of I mean clearly they're like, oh,
5:34
Speaker 1: someone bought their granddad awesome.
5:38
Speaker 5: Going into the MCG, which is obviously usually sport. It's
5:41
Speaker 5: usually two different teams or two different countries playing against
5:44
Speaker 5: each other in cricket, And for me what resonated the most.
5:47
Speaker 5: I wasn't a massive Taylor Swift fan beforehand, but being
5:50
Speaker 5: able to go into the ground and experience every single
5:54
Speaker 5: person in that ground just there was just so much
5:58
Speaker 5: joy and so much love, and everyone was on the
6:01
Speaker 5: same team and everybody just wanted to go there to
6:04
Speaker 5: have the most positive experience. And I was learning from
6:07
Speaker 5: all these little girls who were trying to trade their
6:10
Speaker 5: friendship bracelets with you, and there was just kind of
6:13
Speaker 5: no hierarchy at all. It was just everyone was there
6:16
Speaker 5: to experience this moment in time, and I.
6:19
Speaker 4: Really felt it. I walked away.
6:20
Speaker 5: I do some work with the MCG, and I walked
6:22
Speaker 5: away from that and said, every single person who is
6:25
Speaker 5: on you know, the trust, the MCG trust with me
6:28
Speaker 5: had to realize that this was a real game changing
6:31
Speaker 5: moment for at Victoria. I think and what we use
6:34
Speaker 5: the ground for, because it's far more than just something
6:37
Speaker 5: that we go and watch sport for. It's far more
6:39
Speaker 5: than something entertainment like. It's actually these life changing moments
6:43
Speaker 5: and these beautiful connections that we can bring everybody by
6:46
Speaker 5: having people like Taylor Swift play at that venue and
6:50
Speaker 5: so many hundreds, you know, one hundred thousand people can
6:52
Speaker 5: go in there and enjoy that experience altogether. And it
6:55
Speaker 5: wasn't about alcohol, It wasn't about you know, what you
6:58
Speaker 5: could kind of how much you could dream, just to
7:00
Speaker 5: have a good time. Everyone was just high on life
7:03
Speaker 5: and it was just amazing to experience.
7:06
Speaker 3: I just want to speak to that and continue on
7:08
Speaker 3: that thread of oneness and two neis. We're used to
7:12
Speaker 3: a venue like the MCG being a place for positive tunis.
7:16
Speaker 3: You know, are you going for Brizzy or going for
7:19
Speaker 3: the swamps and the Grand Fronte like ye, there's one
7:21
Speaker 3: or the other are you going for OSSI's are you
7:22
Speaker 3: going for India this summer? And cricket, But it's that
7:25
Speaker 3: space can also be a place for amazing oneness and
7:29
Speaker 3: music is a vehicle for oneness, like because we're all
7:33
Speaker 3: feeling into the same same thing. So I think these
7:38
Speaker 3: meeting grounds, these amazing meeting spaces that have been meeting
7:42
Speaker 3: spaces for you know, many many, many thousands of years,
7:47
Speaker 3: they were originally meeting spaces for oneness. And it's the connection.
7:52
Speaker 5: Age is irrelevant, Like it's you know, dads and their
7:55
Speaker 5: daughters and moms and their kids, and you know older
7:59
Speaker 5: generations and younger generations and everyone just coming together and
8:02
Speaker 5: experiencing something together.
8:04
Speaker 3: It's so powerful, which just needs so much more that
8:07
Speaker 3: it's not about anything but music, Like it's all.
8:11
Speaker 1: It's like this convergence of diversity and unity. It's like
8:16
Speaker 1: this myriad of different people, different cultures, backgrounds, religious shape sizes, genders, sexuality, preferences, likes,
8:25
Speaker 1: dislikes all in one joint and all it's got to
8:28
Speaker 1: do with is the experience and the music, and so
8:31
Speaker 1: all the other stuff becomes redundant, All the stuff that
8:34
Speaker 1: we obsess about the Wii that the macro Wii. Who
8:39
Speaker 1: do you vote for? Who do you barrack for? What
8:40
Speaker 1: do you wear? What do you Why you eat meat?
8:42
Speaker 1: You don't eat meat? You none of that matters, you know,
8:46
Speaker 1: And to I think, to be able to bring that
8:49
Speaker 1: energy and to be in a place for whatever it
8:51
Speaker 1: was three hours where nothing matters but that, it's like
8:55
Speaker 1: there's something to be learned from that, oh, you know.
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Speaker 3: And the presence of it, you know, something to be
9:01
Speaker 3: learned in that too, Like it's it's you know, it's
9:03
Speaker 3: very much. You know, where are you here? What time
9:07
Speaker 3: is it now? And that's that's that's so important. So
9:11
Speaker 3: there's no anxieties, there's no fears, there's no worries, there's
9:14
Speaker 3: no ship going on in instruction, there's no distractions except
9:18
Speaker 3: there was one moment where Chris Martin said, okay, everyone
9:22
Speaker 3: turned off your phone, phones away, phones away, and guy.
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Speaker 6: I love how we just did that, all right, you
9:30
Speaker 6: fucking and the guy in front of me, like, everyone
9:35
Speaker 6: put their phone away, and it was just this sort
9:37
Speaker 6: of really connect into the now sort of moment.
9:39
Speaker 3: He was sort of leading a meditation of sorts through
9:42
Speaker 3: a song, and one guy in front of me just
9:44
Speaker 3: put his phone up, and I was like, turn your
9:47
Speaker 3: fucking phone off, put it down. I was just that guy,
9:50
Speaker 3: just just like screaming at him, and and he did
9:53
Speaker 3: for a second, and then then that addiction just came
9:56
Speaker 3: back and he's like, no, I need the phone. I
9:58
Speaker 3: can't I can't do without the phone. It's the one
10:01
Speaker 3: thing that pisses me off.
10:02
Speaker 4: What do people do with the footage.
10:04
Speaker 3: Like stuff on the Graham?
10:06
Speaker 5: But is it like good quality footage or do you
10:09
Speaker 5: post the footage because it's like, I was there, I
10:11
Speaker 5: want to kind of note that this is my moment
10:13
Speaker 5: in time I was there.
10:14
Speaker 3: I mean, is it like, isn't the gram grid just
10:16
Speaker 3: like a you know, this is this.
10:19
Speaker 2: Moment photo album. Yeah, yes, that's kind of what it is.
10:22
Speaker 5: But I mean, like when you're experiencing that actual concert,
10:25
Speaker 5: it's funny that we all take all this footage.
10:27
Speaker 4: I do it too. I'm certainly I'm part of it.
10:30
Speaker 5: And it makes me laugh because you go back and
10:31
Speaker 5: watch it and you think, what was I even thinking?
10:33
Speaker 5: I can't even see half the stuff that I was
10:35
Speaker 5: seeing in real life when I was there.
10:37
Speaker 1: It did.
10:38
Speaker 3: I've watched a little bit this morning. It did sort
10:39
Speaker 3: of just take me back to the moment and every
10:43
Speaker 3: experience of the feelings that you feel in the moments.
10:46
Speaker 3: I think I think there is a there is a
10:47
Speaker 3: place for it. But I also think there's a place
10:49
Speaker 3: for putting the phone away and just like being there
10:52
Speaker 3: when I when I do gigs, I did, I did.
10:55
Speaker 3: I done a fair few recently. I asked people to
10:58
Speaker 3: not take footage and not not because I don't want
11:02
Speaker 3: shit posted on you know, social media, because that's probably
11:05
Speaker 3: really helpful. I just want them to beat, Like like
11:07
Speaker 3: Chris Martin, I just want it to be a meditation
11:09
Speaker 3: for them. I want them to be their present in it.
11:12
Speaker 4: How do you go performing seeing everyone with their phones?
11:16
Speaker 3: Ah? It just it just shits me a bit. Yeah,
11:20
Speaker 3: I think that's what it is. I just like, yeah, so,
11:23
Speaker 3: but I'm guilty of it too, clearly. So practice what
11:26
Speaker 3: you preached. Hey, you guys, we've we've heated up the
11:31
Speaker 3: space with a little prologue as we as we like
11:34
Speaker 3: to do. But I want to know, on the topic
11:38
Speaker 3: of success growing up, what did that mean to you?
11:44
Speaker 3: What did success mean to you? What did it? Yeah,
11:48
Speaker 3: what did it look like to you?
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Speaker 1: I think for me it wasn't something I specifically, like
11:53
Speaker 1: that wasn't a question.
11:54
Speaker 2: But I think.
11:57
Speaker 3: This is for me.
11:58
Speaker 2: This is interesting because I talk about this stuff.
12:00
Speaker 3: Right.
12:01
Speaker 1: So if you go into a room full of people
12:03
Speaker 1: and go who wants to be a failure? Nobody goes me, right,
12:06
Speaker 1: So everybody wants to be successful. But that represents different
12:10
Speaker 1: things to different people, and it represents different things to
12:13
Speaker 1: the same person over time. So if you said to me, Craig,
12:18
Speaker 1: we're going to have you working on a gym floor,
12:20
Speaker 1: it's going to be your gym floor, your gym, your equipment,
12:23
Speaker 1: there's going to be a team of people there, your team,
12:27
Speaker 1: and you're going to have all this shit going on,
12:29
Speaker 1: I would have gone, fucking you, fuck that's amazing, and
12:32
Speaker 1: I would have loved it, and the idea would have
12:34
Speaker 1: excited me. And that's what I created and that's what
12:37
Speaker 1: I inhabited, and I was very grateful and right place,
12:40
Speaker 1: right time. A lot of things fell my way, but
12:42
Speaker 1: I also worked really hard, and so there was a
12:45
Speaker 1: period of time where me being in the gym doing
12:47
Speaker 1: my thing was like ten out of ten success. I'm
12:50
Speaker 1: in the moment, I'm loving it, ticking all the boxes.
12:54
Speaker 1: But everything kind of has a used by date, and
12:57
Speaker 1: then there was a period of time where I'm like, yeah, look,
12:59
Speaker 1: it's good.
13:00
Speaker 3: It's good, Dad, it's good.
13:02
Speaker 1: And then you eventually get to the point, sometimes not
13:05
Speaker 1: with all things, where you go, NA, that's enough now,
13:08
Speaker 1: Like I've handed over enough dumbbells, I've done enough hamstring stretches,
13:13
Speaker 1: I've set enough bike seats, I've programmed enough treadmills, I've
13:16
Speaker 1: spoken enough about anatomy and physiology and blah blah blah
13:20
Speaker 1: for the moment, and I want to do other stuff.
13:23
Speaker 1: And so I think I think it's different for different people.
13:28
Speaker 1: It's like if you said to if you said to
13:31
Speaker 1: any one of us, three, mate, I've got a gig
13:34
Speaker 1: for you next Monday.
13:35
Speaker 2: It's at Vodafone Arena.
13:37
Speaker 1: It's five thousand people, and you all of us would
13:40
Speaker 1: be excited because we all love that shit. For most
13:44
Speaker 1: people that would be mind blowingly terrifying. That would be
13:48
Speaker 1: the worst news they could get. And so it's really
13:51
Speaker 1: a subjective interpretation of a thing like to me, you know,
13:56
Speaker 1: building connection, building rapport, helping people help them selves, that
14:01
Speaker 1: is a form of success. You know, some people going well,
14:04
Speaker 1: I've raised three great kids, I'm awesome. You are awesome.
14:08
Speaker 1: That is the high watermark face. That's probably way more
14:11
Speaker 1: important than the shit that I do. Let's be honest.
14:14
Speaker 3: But the shit that you do helps. Yeah, so that
14:18
Speaker 3: shit yeah not a shit?
14:21
Speaker 1: Well yeah, but I think it's really down to it.
14:23
Speaker 1: I say to people, put up your hand if you
14:25
Speaker 1: want to be successful, and every hand goes up. Then
14:27
Speaker 1: I go, cool, write down what that is and they
14:29
Speaker 1: go what. I go, write down what that is? So
14:32
Speaker 1: it's it's people. I don't think we define ourselves or
14:37
Speaker 1: a success for ourselves enough. And I also think, and
14:41
Speaker 1: I'll shut up after this, but I feel like we
14:43
Speaker 1: live somewhat unconsciously. It's like we wake up and we go, fuck,
14:47
Speaker 1: it was five years, this wasn't I've told this many story,
14:51
Speaker 1: many times, but not on this show. So you know,
14:54
Speaker 1: people will come and sit to me and they're forty five,
14:56
Speaker 1: forty fifty thirty five and they said say to me,
15:01
Speaker 1: this wasn't my plan, and I go, what do you mean?
15:03
Speaker 1: They're like, where I'm at, this wasn't my plan. And
15:05
Speaker 1: I go, can I see the plan? And they go what?
15:08
Speaker 1: I go, the plan? Can I see it? They're like,
15:11
Speaker 1: and I go, well, there's no fucking plan, like you
15:14
Speaker 1: didn't have a plan, you just had an idea of
15:16
Speaker 1: how things would work out. Because if you live unconsciously,
15:20
Speaker 1: you're going to produce unconscious results. Like we need to
15:24
Speaker 1: be if we say I want to live a life
15:26
Speaker 1: aligned with my purpose and values and beliefs and faith
15:29
Speaker 1: and who I want to be and how I want
15:31
Speaker 1: to be, or there needs to be some strategy and
15:33
Speaker 1: logic and accountability and timeline and process like that. Shit,
15:37
Speaker 1: doesn't you becoming You building a world class podcast and
15:42
Speaker 1: you growing it to where you've got a million people
15:45
Speaker 1: per show.
15:47
Speaker 2: That's not going to accidentally happen.
15:48
Speaker 1: You're going to do the work, you're going to learn,
15:50
Speaker 1: you're going to refine skill, you're going to understand the audience,
15:53
Speaker 1: blah blah blah, and over time you'll build it. But
15:56
Speaker 1: you're not going to sit here accidentally once a week
15:58
Speaker 1: and do something and you're going to end up being
16:01
Speaker 1: Joe Rogan.
16:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, it requires you've got to have intentionality.
16:05
Speaker 2: One percent, and you've got it. I mean, I reckon.
16:08
Speaker 1: The biggest barrier to success for most people is they
16:11
Speaker 1: just don't like the work like they love the idea
16:14
Speaker 1: of the top of the mountain, but they don't want
16:15
Speaker 1: to fucking climb. It's like the theory of success and
16:18
Speaker 1: the practical reality of doing what is required to succeed.
16:23
Speaker 1: They are nothing alike because one's just a theoretical construct.
16:27
Speaker 1: One is a motherfucker of a process that you will
16:30
Speaker 1: probably hate half the time.
16:32
Speaker 5: But success too also, I think it evolves definitely over time.
16:36
Speaker 5: So when you talk about what you thought about it
16:38
Speaker 5: when it was young, I don't think I even thought
16:39
Speaker 5: about what it looked like or what it was what
16:42
Speaker 5: it could be for me. But it also can be
16:45
Speaker 5: the tiniest little things, and I think that's what I've
16:47
Speaker 5: learned over time is around success sometimes can be just
16:51
Speaker 5: getting your morning done okay, you know, and not not
16:55
Speaker 5: really struggling in that process. And I think I learn
16:59
Speaker 5: over time following other people was what I thought my
17:02
Speaker 5: version of success was, so seeing someone else do something
17:05
Speaker 5: and I was like, Okay, I think I can do that.
17:07
Speaker 5: My older sister played netball, and that's the only reason
17:10
Speaker 5: I really got into the sport was because I watched
17:13
Speaker 5: her start to make teams and think, hmm, the competitiveness
17:17
Speaker 5: in me. I was like, I reckon, I could do that.
17:19
Speaker 5: So my version of success back then was simply bang
17:22
Speaker 5: out a tick off the same mark as that she
17:24
Speaker 5: had done. And it wasn't until I started to really,
17:28
Speaker 5: I guess, feel confident in my own skin when I
17:32
Speaker 5: stepped onto the netball cort or the basketball court or
17:34
Speaker 5: whatever I was playing. I started to really embrace that
17:38
Speaker 5: the asset that I have that not many people have
17:41
Speaker 5: is my height, and it's not something to be worried
17:44
Speaker 5: about or ashamed about, or you know, stress about.
17:49
Speaker 4: It's me.
17:49
Speaker 5: And as soon as I started to love being out
17:52
Speaker 5: there on court because I felt comfortable in my own skin,
17:55
Speaker 5: and then I started to feel confident about myself, then
17:58
Speaker 5: I started to be able to go, oh, actually I
17:59
Speaker 5: could do things a little bit different to my sister,
18:01
Speaker 5: and then what do I really want to do and
18:02
Speaker 5: what's the big picture for me? And so it kind
18:05
Speaker 5: of took me being a bit more self aware of
18:07
Speaker 5: why I was doing it. And it seems I would
18:10
Speaker 5: not have understood this at the time, but it's something
18:12
Speaker 5: as I've really reflected back on my career, I realized
18:15
Speaker 5: the only reason I started playing sport and enjoyed playing
18:18
Speaker 5: sport was because I felt comfortable in my own skin.
18:21
Speaker 5: Whereas when I was with my friends and when I
18:23
Speaker 5: was out at school, I was just wanting to be
18:26
Speaker 5: like everybody else.
18:27
Speaker 4: I was wanting to be little and.
18:30
Speaker 5: You know, wear the same clothes as everybody else, and
18:32
Speaker 5: not be this gigantic person that stood above everybody else,
18:36
Speaker 5: even though you know I was. I'm six foot two,
18:39
Speaker 5: so I was naturally always going to be tall, But
18:42
Speaker 5: sport really taught me to love myself and my body
18:45
Speaker 5: and to really be able to embrace what an asset
18:48
Speaker 5: it is to be tall, and so that to me
18:50
Speaker 5: then really drove what I could do with that and
18:53
Speaker 5: how much I felt so good being out there on court.
18:55
Speaker 5: I wanted to do it as much as I could.
18:57
Speaker 5: So then success for me was like, right, how far
18:59
Speaker 5: can I this? Can I get into the Australian team?
19:02
Speaker 5: Can I win gold medals? And you know, eventually you
19:04
Speaker 5: do it, But it certainly doesn't just happen like that.
19:06
Speaker 5: It kind of is this gradual rollercoaster ride of ups
19:09
Speaker 5: and downs that you get to eventually, but a bloody
19:14
Speaker 5: lot of hard work and a lot of setbacks along
19:16
Speaker 5: the way. And I look back now and the gold
19:20
Speaker 5: medals are great. Yes, they were something I aspired to
19:22
Speaker 5: get and wanted. But it's the little things that I
19:26
Speaker 5: ticked off along the way, the little moments that I had,
19:29
Speaker 5: whether it's with my teammates or it's things that I
19:32
Speaker 5: was able to overcome personally, that really I look back
19:36
Speaker 5: and I feel more successful because of those little things.
19:38
Speaker 4: And what it's taught me.
19:39
Speaker 5: Now I'm not an athlete, and what drives me now
19:43
Speaker 5: that I'm not an athlete that I'm like, Oh, they're
19:45
Speaker 5: the things that really matter, not the shiny stuff.
19:48
Speaker 3: I want to pull on a couple of threads there,
19:51
Speaker 3: which is that the court became your happy place. What
19:56
Speaker 3: we're talking about there is the feeling that you experience,
20:01
Speaker 3: not the thought of the projection of what it could be.
20:04
Speaker 3: It's actually how it made you feel. Yes, And I'd
20:09
Speaker 3: argue that that's not something that enough people actually really
20:16
Speaker 3: sit in and marinate over with when it comes to success.
20:21
Speaker 3: They think that when I get the house, or when
20:25
Speaker 3: I get the new car, or when I get the
20:27
Speaker 3: extra zeros in my bank, or when I win the
20:29
Speaker 3: gold or whatever, then I will be successful. But really
20:34
Speaker 3: I don't believe that it's any of those things. It's
20:38
Speaker 3: the feeling you think you're going to feel when you
20:43
Speaker 3: acquire those things. And so really what we're probably asking
20:48
Speaker 3: for is more feeling. What is the feeling? And I
20:53
Speaker 3: think that feeling from a Hindi perspective or Hindi mythological perspective,
21:00
Speaker 3: is called an under which is which is bliss, but
21:03
Speaker 3: not the bliss that English language uses, which is euphor
21:07
Speaker 3: eken up and out and but grounded, peaceful, calm, contented, safe, loved,
21:17
Speaker 3: unified together. That that's that sense of peace. But this
21:23
Speaker 3: is my This is a space that I feel absolute,
21:27
Speaker 3: the deepest level of comfort in and I love that
21:31
Speaker 3: you felt that.
21:32
Speaker 1: On the court, there's the outcome or the situation of success.
21:36
Speaker 1: While beyond Chris successful, she works on television. She got
21:39
Speaker 1: a great bloke, she got an awesome kid, makes pretty
21:42
Speaker 1: good though, like our our culture says that success is
21:46
Speaker 1: about what you have, what you and what you drive,
21:48
Speaker 1: where you live, what you look like.
21:49
Speaker 2: What people think are you.
21:51
Speaker 3: They're the KPI all extrinsic and we whatever.
21:56
Speaker 1: So but what we know is and we all know people,
21:59
Speaker 1: and we've made you being the people where from the
22:02
Speaker 1: outside looking in, people are going like I had a moment.
22:06
Speaker 1: Sorry to interrupt you, but when I was in my
22:07
Speaker 1: early thirties, I had five businesses and one hundred staff.
22:11
Speaker 1: I had three gyms, two other businesses, and I was
22:14
Speaker 1: making lots. Today, all my businesses were making money. And
22:16
Speaker 1: every night I would go to bed and hardly sleep.
22:19
Speaker 1: I would go to bed with a spiral bound had
22:21
Speaker 1: by my bed so when I woke up nine times,
22:24
Speaker 1: which I would, I could write down the thing so
22:27
Speaker 1: it was out of my head and onto a pad
22:28
Speaker 1: so I could relax and kind of sleep. And I
22:32
Speaker 1: was in the situation of success, but not the experience. Yes,
22:35
Speaker 1: and when I coach most people, when you get through.
22:39
Speaker 1: So there's when we talk about goal sitting. We talk
22:41
Speaker 1: about what you want. There's your what, but your why
22:44
Speaker 1: and your why is what you really want. So like
22:47
Speaker 1: when I wanted when I was a morbidley OB's kid,
22:49
Speaker 1: I wanted to lose a bunch of weight. So my
22:51
Speaker 1: what was weight loss, but my why was I want
22:53
Speaker 1: someone to love me. I want to I don't want
22:55
Speaker 1: to be picked last. I don't want to be embarrassed.
22:57
Speaker 2: I want it.
22:58
Speaker 1: I don't want to be socially invisible. I want to
23:01
Speaker 1: get a girlfriend. I want to fucking belong like but
23:04
Speaker 1: then you dig deeper, it's like, well, I just want love.
23:07
Speaker 1: I just want to love, right, And so when we
23:09
Speaker 1: get to the bottom of everything, I think what you said,
23:13
Speaker 1: which is most people that I talk to, Yes, they
23:17
Speaker 1: want practical stuff.
23:18
Speaker 2: As we all do.
23:18
Speaker 1: Nothing wrong with that because we live in a world
23:21
Speaker 1: somewhat driven by money and dependent on money and all the.
23:24
Speaker 3: Practical that a recent episode with ben Crow, So there's
23:28
Speaker 3: nothing wrong with one meeting those extremes we needed to
23:31
Speaker 3: live like.
23:31
Speaker 1: Well, even in you know, we got a little biblical before,
23:34
Speaker 1: but even then the New Testament. People miss quote this scription.
23:37
Speaker 1: They go, money is the root of all evil. The
23:39
Speaker 1: actual scripture is the love of money is the root.
23:41
Speaker 1: It's not about money, it's about your relationship. It's about
23:44
Speaker 1: what it means. It's like you can like training, for example,
23:49
Speaker 1: we all work out, we all go to the gym,
23:51
Speaker 1: we're all you know, there's there's a point where training
23:53
Speaker 1: is great, and then there's a point where it's now
23:55
Speaker 1: obsessive and destructive and toxic. So in science language, everything's
24:01
Speaker 1: dose dependent. Yes, it's dose dependent. Like everything, there's a
24:06
Speaker 1: dose that's healthy, not everything, but most things. And so
24:09
Speaker 1: that when you dig past what do you want I
24:11
Speaker 1: want to do this own that live there. I want
24:13
Speaker 1: to get a PhD.
24:14
Speaker 2: Da da da da da.
24:16
Speaker 1: You know, Like for me, the idea of doing a
24:18
Speaker 1: PhD was like super sexy. The practical reality is it's
24:21
Speaker 1: a motherfucker.
24:23
Speaker 2: It's like I tell my friends, don't ever do it.
24:25
Speaker 2: People have gone to me. Do you think I go Nope, No, don't.
24:29
Speaker 4: Why did you do?
24:29
Speaker 6: It?
24:30
Speaker 2: Probably feel a little.
24:31
Speaker 1: Bit more credible because I'm wildly insecure and I've felt
24:36
Speaker 1: like a fucking pasta fraud, you name it. Like what's
24:41
Speaker 1: hilarious is this capacity that we humans have to simultaneously
24:46
Speaker 1: feel like a fraud but know that we're not.
24:49
Speaker 2: Like I know I'm not just because I've.
24:51
Speaker 1: Got enough data now to suggest that or I've got
24:54
Speaker 1: enough evidence right, But do I still feel not good enough?
24:58
Speaker 2: Constantly? Constantly.
25:00
Speaker 1: It's like when when Josh was introing you, I'm like,
25:04
Speaker 1: what the fuck is you going to say about me?
25:06
Speaker 2: Like an ex fat kid from La tro Valley.
25:08
Speaker 7: I've done four things, oh, World champion, common shit, Commonwealth
25:12
Speaker 7: games on the block TV, you know, and it's just
25:15
Speaker 7: like even in that, but I'm aware of what's going on, Yes, but.
25:19
Speaker 3: That which is really important. It speaks to your work.
25:23
Speaker 3: Is that I said that you've become a really good
25:26
Speaker 3: friend and a mentor and you've really helped me. Yeah,
25:33
Speaker 3: and for me, I go, that's a huge marker of
25:35
Speaker 3: success in someone because it is in the eye beholder.
25:39
Speaker 3: So for me, I go, you're you're so successful cause
25:41
Speaker 3: I watch you help people, and I value people that
25:44
Speaker 3: help people.
25:46
Speaker 1: I tried selfishness for a long time. I gave it
25:48
Speaker 1: a good crowd.
25:49
Speaker 3: I think we all do.
25:50
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm I was.
25:53
Speaker 1: I was the center of my world and it just
25:56
Speaker 1: you know, it's like there's this model that I didn't
25:59
Speaker 1: develop of kind expanded it, but where you go through
26:02
Speaker 1: this journey of self kind of self reflection through to
26:05
Speaker 1: self awareness and then you know self regulation and it
26:10
Speaker 1: ends up the last two.
26:12
Speaker 3: There's eight little tackle and self loathing might.
26:14
Speaker 1: Be yeah, self flagellation, but the last two, the last second,
26:19
Speaker 1: last one is self actualization, which is you becoming kind
26:23
Speaker 1: of who you want it to be and how you
26:25
Speaker 1: want it to be. And I'm I think I'm like
26:28
Speaker 1: in that ballpark, But the real goal is what I
26:31
Speaker 1: think is the final step, which is self transcendence, which
26:35
Speaker 1: is having a purpose bigger than you, So it ain't
26:37
Speaker 1: about me, and I know that for me, and yet
26:40
Speaker 1: it sounds mother Teresa and people might go, oh, that's
26:42
Speaker 1: good saying a podcast, and I get it because I'm
26:45
Speaker 1: definitely not it a lot, But I try to be
26:49
Speaker 1: where I do have a purpose bigger than me, and
26:52
Speaker 1: I'm I'm about genuinely about whatever love looks like, whether
26:56
Speaker 1: it's kindness, whether it's quality time, whether it's a hug,
26:59
Speaker 1: whether it's you know, literally giving someone a few bucks,
27:03
Speaker 1: or whether it's encouragement or you know, every now and
27:07
Speaker 1: then it'll be some tough love. But you know it's
27:10
Speaker 1: that transcendent kind of existence because I think in that
27:16
Speaker 1: model of successes about what I can get and what
27:19
Speaker 1: I can have and what I can own and earn,
27:21
Speaker 1: and what people think of me at the best. What
27:25
Speaker 1: that brings us is a fleeting change of emotion and psychology,
27:29
Speaker 1: like there's not It doesn't bring my experience, it doesn't
27:32
Speaker 1: bring that deep contentment, and you think about I reckon
27:37
Speaker 1: in for those of us who live in relative first
27:40
Speaker 1: world comfort, what most people really want, which you mentioned,
27:44
Speaker 1: is just to be calm, the absence of anxiety everyone's
27:48
Speaker 1: fucking anxious, Like, what do I really want? I just
27:52
Speaker 1: I don't want to feel like this. How do you
27:53
Speaker 1: want to feel like the opposite of anxious, the opposite
27:56
Speaker 1: of stress?
27:57
Speaker 2: Put up your hand.
27:58
Speaker 1: If you're an overthinker, everyone has that going shitouse, you know,
28:02
Speaker 1: And it's all of this, I mean anxiety, stress, overthinking,
28:06
Speaker 1: self doubt, datata.
28:07
Speaker 2: All of that.
28:08
Speaker 1: It's a manifestation of fear. And then you go, what
28:12
Speaker 1: am I scared of? Let's let's dive rather than run away.
28:16
Speaker 1: Let's run into it and let's see what's there. Because
28:18
Speaker 1: you can't deal with the thing that you won't acknowledge,
28:22
Speaker 1: you know. Am I lazy?
28:23
Speaker 2: Yep? Sometimes? Am I driven by ego?
28:27
Speaker 3: Yep?
28:27
Speaker 2: Do I have to bite my tongue because I want
28:29
Speaker 2: to impress people? Yep?
28:30
Speaker 1: All of these things. And that is not self loathing.
28:33
Speaker 1: That is just honesty and reflection and self awareness.
28:36
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's self awareness part.
28:38
Speaker 5: I think that's something that you learn a lot more
28:41
Speaker 5: about the more you spend time on it. Right, And
28:44
Speaker 5: even when you were just talking about that imposter syndrome,
28:47
Speaker 5: and I think every single person in the world would
28:49
Speaker 5: have that at some stage. And it's about knowing and
28:53
Speaker 5: understanding that you're having those thoughts and that's okay, and
28:56
Speaker 5: you just not that you're letting it pass by, but
28:58
Speaker 5: you're kind of thinking, what is it in this moment
29:00
Speaker 5: that's making me feel like this, and what can I
29:02
Speaker 5: do to get myself out of it? Or what can
29:04
Speaker 5: I do to kind of pass through this and be
29:07
Speaker 5: okay that that just happens?
29:08
Speaker 4: Do you agree with that?
29:09
Speaker 5: But that having that self awareness and not trying and
29:13
Speaker 5: fight those feelings but letting them just be there and
29:15
Speaker 5: knowing that it's not going to take over me in
29:17
Speaker 5: this moment, or you hope it doesn't, and even if
29:20
Speaker 5: it does, you figure out a way to work through it. Yeah,
29:23
Speaker 5: because it is your PhD in self awareness.
29:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, essentially.
29:25
Speaker 3: Yeah, But what I think is that's what Yeah, that's
29:28
Speaker 3: a part of a huge part of neuropsychology.
29:31
Speaker 1: I can dive into it, but we don't want to
29:33
Speaker 1: bore people. But I think really what is really really
29:38
Speaker 1: valuable and just not taught and told much, is just
29:43
Speaker 1: to be okay with being wrong. You noticed at the
29:45
Speaker 1: moment everyone wants to be right, and it's like one
29:50
Speaker 1: of the problems with thinking that you are right, Like
29:52
Speaker 1: if you think I don't want to pick a topic
29:54
Speaker 1: because people instantly get polarized. But just any subject, any topic,
30:00
Speaker 1: any idea, any construct, any philosophy. When I think that
30:04
Speaker 1: I am unequivocally right, then I also think that everyone
30:09
Speaker 1: in the world who disagrees with me is unequivocally wrong.
30:13
Speaker 1: That's a fucking dangerous mindset. So, and I, you know,
30:17
Speaker 1: I grew up in a very religious theological paradigm, thinking
30:22
Speaker 1: and behaving and living and socializing in accordance with that.
30:28
Speaker 1: And you think about, like, everyone listening to this right now,
30:33
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. Let's say ten thousand people
30:35
Speaker 1: are listening to this. Ten thousand people are listening to
30:38
Speaker 1: the same three people in the same conversation, but no
30:40
Speaker 1: one's having the same experience as a listener, Like we
30:44
Speaker 1: are always creating our own experiences without intending to. And
30:48
Speaker 1: so and we grow up, you know, we grow up
30:52
Speaker 1: in an echo chamber of thought and behavior and values
30:57
Speaker 1: and culture, and you become a product that. So by
31:01
Speaker 1: the time you're pushed out of the nestaeda eten or whatever,
31:05
Speaker 1: you see the world a certain way, and most of
31:07
Speaker 1: that worldview you did not choose. It's merely a byproduct
31:11
Speaker 1: of where you've been and what you've been in you know,
31:13
Speaker 1: and this is a self awareness question.
31:16
Speaker 3: And what you talk about it harks back to what
31:18
Speaker 3: we chatted about in the prologue about Chris Martin and
31:23
Speaker 3: Coldplay and the oneness. Yes, that humans inherently enjoy. The
31:29
Speaker 3: duellism and the duelism plays into the rightusness and the righteousness.
31:34
Speaker 3: It's like, I need to be on this side of
31:37
Speaker 3: I need to barrack for this yeah. And I need
31:41
Speaker 3: to be right in barracking for this yes, because the
31:45
Speaker 3: idea of the one that actually means that you have
31:49
Speaker 3: to remove judgment, increase open mindedness. You have to relinquish fear,
31:56
Speaker 3: relinquish prejudice, relinquish projections. You have to relinquish so much
32:03
Speaker 3: to get rid of your rightness and righteousness that that's
32:08
Speaker 3: too heavy a burden, too deep a place for a
32:12
Speaker 3: lot of people to go to. But really, that dualism,
32:17
Speaker 3: that righteousness is a fear manifest it's not. It's the
32:22
Speaker 3: inability to park your stuff because you're too scared of
32:27
Speaker 3: what it could be if you don't what happens. I'm
32:31
Speaker 3: too scared of being wrong, because what is the pathway
32:34
Speaker 3: of that, and so really that dualism is the opposite
32:38
Speaker 3: of love because it's driven by fear, and fear is
32:42
Speaker 3: the opposite of love really.
32:44
Speaker 1: And also, you think about whatever we believe, generally, our
32:48
Speaker 1: identity is intertwined with that belief. So if you question
32:51
Speaker 1: my belief, you're questioning me exactly, And if my belief's wrong,
32:55
Speaker 1: then who the fuck am I?
32:57
Speaker 3: Exactly? So my belief is right, but you're not your belief. Yeah,
33:01
Speaker 3: so you're not and and so you so you need
33:03
Speaker 3: to really dive into is that conditioning? Is that you know,
33:07
Speaker 3: I've had lots of sort of disagreements with some mates
33:13
Speaker 3: at the moment around what's happening in the Middle East
33:17
Speaker 3: because they sit on one side of the equation, and
33:21
Speaker 3: then there's a bunch of mates more in the arts
33:22
Speaker 3: who are on a totally different side of the situation.
33:25
Speaker 3: This is a really challenging topic at the moment. But
33:28
Speaker 3: once again, spoken on this on an earlier episode, I'm
33:33
Speaker 3: trying to find and move away from, you know, the
33:37
Speaker 3: fact that I'm Jewish and I have to side with
33:39
Speaker 3: something because I don't I see, I'm like trying to
33:43
Speaker 3: find this middle middle space where and I go where
33:48
Speaker 3: is where is where is love? Where is peace? Where
33:51
Speaker 3: is calm in this? And and I've said that it's
33:54
Speaker 3: a sad thing, that very sad thing, that that concept
33:59
Speaker 3: is seemingly you topian in this day and age, that
34:02
Speaker 3: that oneness is utopian, But it's it's really about going, hey,
34:08
Speaker 3: I see it from your perspective, and I see it
34:10
Speaker 3: from your perspective. I'm not putting my head in the sand,
34:13
Speaker 3: but I'm taking the middle ground between between the two
34:17
Speaker 3: rather than going it has to be.
34:19
Speaker 4: This, And you don't always have to have an opinion.
34:22
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you can just listen.
34:23
Speaker 5: Yes, it doesn't mean you're being naive or you're ignoring
34:26
Speaker 5: what's going on. I think a lot of people feel
34:28
Speaker 5: like they've got to have an opinion, and unfortunately it's
34:31
Speaker 5: like the loudest opinion and everyone needs to know shout
34:34
Speaker 5: it out to everybody. And that's how people feel like
34:36
Speaker 5: they're getting, you know, their thoughts across and they're also
34:40
Speaker 5: being part of a conversation because of that. And I
34:43
Speaker 5: think there's so much power in sitting back and listening
34:45
Speaker 5: and not feeling like you have to add to it,
34:48
Speaker 5: that you can just sit back and take it all
34:50
Speaker 5: in and that's okay too.
34:51
Speaker 4: I just yeah, I don't know.
34:53
Speaker 5: I find that with a lot of you know, just
34:55
Speaker 5: the people I'm around, whether in work or just life,
34:59
Speaker 5: that everyone does loves to have their opinion.
35:01
Speaker 3: And here we are having all sorts.
35:04
Speaker 1: Isn't it cool though, to go I don't know, I
35:07
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know, and I can.
35:09
Speaker 2: Make some up I don't know.
35:10
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, And I think a lot of people do
35:12
Speaker 5: get smells down this rabbit hole of making stuff up.
35:15
Speaker 2: Once a week, I reckon what do you think?
35:16
Speaker 3: I don't know.
35:17
Speaker 1: Why I get asked is what do you think happens
35:19
Speaker 1: when we die? O? I don't know. I could tell
35:21
Speaker 1: you what my upbringing told me. I could tell you
35:24
Speaker 1: with what a whole lot of you know, other religions think.
35:27
Speaker 2: But what I don't know, I don't know.
35:30
Speaker 3: With the work you're doing and the work we're all
35:32
Speaker 3: talking about doing, which is to just being more aware.
35:37
Speaker 3: In that awareness, I think what we find is the
35:40
Speaker 3: ability to go ah, that thought that I'm having, or
35:45
Speaker 3: that righteousness around that topic, that is a part of
35:49
Speaker 3: my conditioned belief system. That's an indoctrination that's been put
35:56
Speaker 3: upon me. It doesn't have to be to be right.
35:59
Speaker 3: It's just what I've been fed and that now lives
36:02
Speaker 3: in my subconscious as right. Maybe that's not the only
36:07
Speaker 3: way things need to be.
36:09
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I think for me, I reckon I learned
36:12
Speaker 5: so much from playing in a team sport because of
36:16
Speaker 5: the fact, and then that's what since retiring, That's what
36:18
Speaker 5: I really noticed out in the big bad real world,
36:22
Speaker 5: is that in a team, and especially when you're spending
36:24
Speaker 5: a lot of time together training together, you know you're
36:26
Speaker 5: working your asses off to try and win, and along
36:30
Speaker 5: with that comes a lot of conversations and you're getting
36:33
Speaker 5: feedback constantly, whether it be feedback about your performance from
36:36
Speaker 5: your coaches and what you need to work on. But
36:39
Speaker 5: in a team environment, especially with the Aussie team, your
36:41
Speaker 5: delve so deep into each other's like who we are
36:45
Speaker 5: as people and what we need from each other.
36:47
Speaker 4: In those moments when we're under the most.
36:48
Speaker 5: Stress, and so you are getting this feedback from everyone
36:54
Speaker 5: about yourself and it's the most frightening thing in the
36:57
Speaker 5: moment to actually listen to your teammates give you this feedback.
37:01
Speaker 5: But they will sit you down and it'll be like,
37:03
Speaker 5: when I'm feeling this, what do I need from you.
37:05
Speaker 5: So if you're struggling with how are you shooting in
37:09
Speaker 5: that moment?
37:09
Speaker 4: What do you need.
37:10
Speaker 5: From your teammates? What can we say to you to
37:12
Speaker 5: help you when you're feeling like that?
37:15
Speaker 3: I love this and.
37:16
Speaker 4: It's it is confronting.
37:17
Speaker 5: It takes a lot of work to get to that
37:19
Speaker 5: point and of these conversations and big like that. But
37:24
Speaker 5: I think that's helped me so much, be so aware
37:26
Speaker 5: of me, my body language and what that tells people
37:30
Speaker 5: when I'm acting a certain way and when I'm frustrated
37:33
Speaker 5: or I might not have been playing that well, you
37:35
Speaker 5: know what I needed from my teammates and being able
37:37
Speaker 5: to ask for the help in that moment. What can
37:39
Speaker 5: you do for me to help me in that moment,
37:42
Speaker 5: because it's only going to be for the better of
37:43
Speaker 5: the team. And if someone might be struggling with their
37:46
Speaker 5: mental health, what do you need from your teammates when
37:48
Speaker 5: you you know can't you can't possibly train today because
37:51
Speaker 5: you're not in the right space to do it.
37:52
Speaker 4: What can we do to support you?
37:54
Speaker 3: I mean, this is so beautiful to hear that that
37:57
Speaker 3: that that you're actually delving into what the feeling of
38:01
Speaker 3: the other individual, not just are they missed another shot,
38:06
Speaker 3: they got the yips? There's going? Why what are they experiencing?
38:10
Speaker 3: What can I give them? You know, back to what
38:13
Speaker 3: you were talking about, pulling on that thread. Half's about going.
38:15
Speaker 3: It's not about me. It's about how I can help
38:18
Speaker 3: another and what I can give like this, that's beautiful.
38:20
Speaker 3: That does that happen? And this is another interesting question.
38:24
Speaker 3: Do you think that happens more in women's sport than
38:29
Speaker 3: it does in men's sport? Is there?
38:32
Speaker 5: Well?
38:32
Speaker 3: I think because women naturally lean into the emotional parts
38:36
Speaker 3: of things and men struggle with that more just.
38:38
Speaker 5: But I also think women it takes a while to
38:41
Speaker 5: really not take it personally as well. Whereas men can
38:44
Speaker 5: quite easily give each other feedback this is very general generalization,
38:47
Speaker 5: can give each other feedback and just move on and
38:49
Speaker 5: accept it, whereas I feel like women can often sit
38:52
Speaker 5: in that space of like I can't believe she said
38:54
Speaker 5: that about me, or I can't believe she thinks I'm
38:56
Speaker 5: struggling in that way.
38:58
Speaker 4: But it does.
38:58
Speaker 5: It comes down to trust, right, You have to really
39:00
Speaker 5: have that layer of trust before you can then move
39:03
Speaker 5: into that next part. And you said you spoke to
39:05
Speaker 5: ben Crow and I mean crow is such a big
39:09
Speaker 5: one for that, being able to have a space where
39:11
Speaker 5: you can talk about it, be vulnerable and also accept help.
39:14
Speaker 5: And I think most of the time it's coming from
39:16
Speaker 5: a place where you have to come with a solution
39:18
Speaker 5: to You can't just say I'm sitting here in this
39:21
Speaker 5: I'm not playing well, don't talk to me like you
39:25
Speaker 5: have to actually help them help you.
39:27
Speaker 4: And I think that's where.
39:28
Speaker 5: It comes for having a bit more thought process around
39:31
Speaker 5: it too. So when I'm in this space and I'm
39:32
Speaker 5: feeling like this, this is what I need from you,
39:34
Speaker 5: So that when people are doing that to you and
39:37
Speaker 5: delivering you what you've said you've needed, then it's up
39:40
Speaker 5: to you to show up to that too. You can't
39:42
Speaker 5: just then be dismissive of that you've told them, You've
39:45
Speaker 5: given them permission to do that and to talk to
39:47
Speaker 5: you in that way. That you have to also then
39:49
Speaker 5: show up for yourself and get yourself out of that
39:51
Speaker 5: frame of mind that you might be in.
39:52
Speaker 3: And this is beautiful to around it back to the
39:54
Speaker 3: topic success. This is a beautiful way to to create
40:01
Speaker 3: team success that it does ask for vulnerability, it does
40:05
Speaker 3: ask for meeting people's needs but ultimately like trust, Like
40:10
Speaker 3: if you don't have the trust within the framework of
40:12
Speaker 3: a team, you can't be vulnerable. You know you can't.
40:15
Speaker 3: You won't feel safe to be vulnerable.
40:17
Speaker 5: So and getting out of your own skin really and
40:20
Speaker 5: you know that empathetic part of where you go and
40:23
Speaker 5: sit where someone else is at right and be there
40:25
Speaker 5: with them in that moment and then try and work
40:27
Speaker 5: through how you're going to get better, because you're only
40:30
Speaker 5: going to be as good as you know, probably the
40:33
Speaker 5: weakest person on that team or the least inexperienced person
40:37
Speaker 5: on that team. You're only as good as what they
40:39
Speaker 5: can be in that moment, and so you've got to
40:41
Speaker 5: do everything you can to all try and be at
40:44
Speaker 5: a similar level and work together to try and problem solve.
40:47
Speaker 5: I would have been hopeless at an individual sport. There
40:50
Speaker 5: is no chance I would have been successful in sport
40:55
Speaker 5: on my own. I really embrace the fact I had
40:58
Speaker 5: team mates around me, and I love that got the
41:01
Speaker 5: best out of me being able to help other people
41:03
Speaker 5: out there. So if I was, you know, a tennis
41:06
Speaker 5: player like I listened to Jolena Dokitch and Todd Woodbridge
41:10
Speaker 5: on your potty and I loved listening to them, and
41:12
Speaker 5: I just think they're mentally next level the way that
41:16
Speaker 5: they can do it and get themselves out of tough
41:18
Speaker 5: spots on their own in a place where they don't
41:21
Speaker 5: have anyone around them, and it comes down to them.
41:24
Speaker 5: I think they are a totally different breed of athlete
41:27
Speaker 5: to what a team sport athlete is.
41:29
Speaker 3: What were the sort of routines or rituals or things
41:32
Speaker 3: that you put in place for yourself or that the
41:36
Speaker 3: team put in place to feel like you were moving
41:42
Speaker 3: closer towards the success that you were you were after
41:45
Speaker 3: and you might Craig want to talk about some of
41:48
Speaker 3: those key characteristics of things. That's the crazyness.
41:51
Speaker 5: Especially in this early start. Craig would work on a
41:54
Speaker 5: lot of that with us too. It started as a
41:57
Speaker 5: street and conditioning side of things, and then you move
42:00
Speaker 5: more into the space of actually working with us from
42:03
Speaker 5: a leadership perspective, and you know, setting ourselves our values
42:07
Speaker 5: and behaviors and what we were going to stand for,
42:09
Speaker 5: and what the behaviors that we would set, what we
42:12
Speaker 5: would have to hold each other accountable to. That probably
42:16
Speaker 5: became the more powerful piece what we were going to
42:18
Speaker 5: accept of each other.
42:19
Speaker 3: And but did you do things like a morning before
42:23
Speaker 3: a game or not for a game, I need to
42:25
Speaker 3: have a speakati of the days morning for a game,
42:27
Speaker 3: I need to mourning for a like, or I always
42:31
Speaker 3: you know, meditate, or or I always do this movement
42:35
Speaker 3: activity or like. Do you have these sort of practices
42:37
Speaker 3: that you put in place?
42:39
Speaker 5: Yeah, you would, definitely, And I was very much. I
42:42
Speaker 5: had to be really prepared beforehand, so I would watch
42:45
Speaker 5: if I was watching any video or anything about the
42:47
Speaker 5: team I was about to play, I had to do
42:48
Speaker 5: all of that the night before, because prep tick that
42:51
Speaker 5: off the night before.
42:52
Speaker 4: I wouldn't you.
42:53
Speaker 5: I would always generally have like salmon and rice and
42:57
Speaker 5: not before a game.
42:58
Speaker 4: But I wasn't stuck on the fact.
43:00
Speaker 5: And I think Craigo got me out of this being
43:02
Speaker 5: stuck on the fact that I had to do that,
43:04
Speaker 5: because if you didn't do it, what we're going to do,
43:06
Speaker 5: We're going to just crumble and heat the.
43:07
Speaker 3: Next day salmon shortage. Where am I going to get
43:10
Speaker 3: my biga three fatty assets before?
43:12
Speaker 5: So I think like we used to think it was,
43:15
Speaker 5: you know, you're quite strict about it all. And then
43:18
Speaker 5: I relaxed later in my career, I was so much
43:20
Speaker 5: more relaxed about it. But what I enjoyed doing was
43:22
Speaker 5: getting to a game and being able to muck around
43:24
Speaker 5: and have fun in the change rooms with everybody and
43:27
Speaker 5: enjoy because the joy and not focusing too much on
43:30
Speaker 5: it allowed me to then go out there on court
43:32
Speaker 5: and play my best. If I was too caught up
43:34
Speaker 5: in it and too focused and too analytical, then I
43:39
Speaker 5: would get in my own head and the old overthinking
43:41
Speaker 5: would get in my way.
43:43
Speaker 4: So I really needed.
43:44
Speaker 5: To just make sure that I arrived and I could
43:46
Speaker 5: have a bit of fun beforehand.
43:47
Speaker 3: So I mean, I'll get you to speak to this soon, Craig.
43:51
Speaker 3: But preparation you've mentioned, and play you've mentioned. When I
43:57
Speaker 3: sort of work with people in this space and in
43:59
Speaker 3: my self, something that I've sort of formulated is what
44:03
Speaker 3: I call it, like five five p's to controlling what
44:06
Speaker 3: I can control to be the most successful I can
44:09
Speaker 3: be in it. In a moment, can I.
44:11
Speaker 1: Tell you that you two think way too fucking much?
44:14
Speaker 1: You both overthink it?
44:16
Speaker 3: No, both c D.
44:18
Speaker 4: Probably what are your five p's?
44:21
Speaker 3: Preparation? Preparation is the is the first one you go.
44:23
Speaker 3: I've got to you know, like if I don't really
44:26
Speaker 3: know my ship. I can't. I can't trust it. Presence,
44:30
Speaker 3: you know, So what do I do to stay present?
44:32
Speaker 3: And sometimes when you get in your head or whatever,
44:35
Speaker 3: like just a sensory thing like just go, you know,
44:38
Speaker 3: the feeling of my feet on the ground, or you
44:41
Speaker 3: know what I what I can see, what I can hear,
44:43
Speaker 3: what I can smell? And purpose? What's what? What's my intention?
44:48
Speaker 3: That's what? What's my why? Why why am I here? Passion?
44:53
Speaker 3: You know? To go? You know what? I do that feeling? Yeah,
44:57
Speaker 3: lean into the feeling that I want to feel. And
45:00
Speaker 3: the last one is play and I think you know
45:03
Speaker 3: plays once again, Crowie talked a lot about play on
45:05
Speaker 3: our episode, but that idea of just bringing that inner
45:09
Speaker 3: child into it, like well, that's the joy, that's the fun,
45:11
Speaker 3: that's like why, that's the curiosity, that's the adventure. Like
45:14
Speaker 3: what would I Why would I be doing this if
45:17
Speaker 3: there wasn't an element of play in it? And then
45:21
Speaker 3: what happens happens? You know, I've done the part that
45:26
Speaker 3: I can do, and this is I definitely do this
45:28
Speaker 3: before auditions or before major performances. I really sit into
45:32
Speaker 3: this because I know I can't control what those you know, five, six,
45:36
Speaker 3: twelve people on the panel think I have no say
45:39
Speaker 3: in what they think. But my power is in those
45:42
Speaker 3: five things, and if I screw up any of them,
45:45
Speaker 3: I just throw in the six one, which is persistence,
45:46
Speaker 3: just go you know what this tomorrow like and sack
45:49
Speaker 3: sort of Kobe Bryant Bryant thing, which is like, whether
45:53
Speaker 3: you win or you lose, you've got to rock up
45:55
Speaker 3: the next day and go again. And you go, get
45:58
Speaker 3: that's the persistent thing. So that might be a for
46:00
Speaker 3: thinking it, but I actually think, do you know what
46:02
Speaker 3: exact that helped? That has really helped me to just
46:05
Speaker 3: create a framework for success in a way that I go,
46:10
Speaker 3: I feel like I have some control. And we spend
46:12
Speaker 3: a lot of time trying to control the things we
46:13
Speaker 3: can't control. I'm trying to control what that panel think
46:16
Speaker 3: of me. I kind of control what the two thousand
46:17
Speaker 3: people think of me. I have no say in it.
46:20
Speaker 1: And I think it's understanding that different things work for
46:22
Speaker 1: different people, and so like there's a fine line sometimes
46:26
Speaker 1: between superstition and protocol, you know, because a lot of
46:29
Speaker 1: athletes are superstitious, and you go, yeah, I've got it.
46:34
Speaker 1: You know, there's nothing all that does really for them
46:37
Speaker 1: is reduce anxiety because they feel better. There's no scientific
46:42
Speaker 1: validity to a lot of it.
46:44
Speaker 3: Well there was.
46:45
Speaker 1: That's the that's the completion of part one of this
46:49
Speaker 1: chat Bianca and Josh and myself.
46:52
Speaker 2: Hope you enjoyed it. We'll be back tomorrow.