Latest / The You Project / #1518 Inside-Out Transformation - Ashleigh Millo

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#1518 Inside-Out Transformation - Ashleigh Millo · The You Project

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: I go, I tell you, I hope you're bloody. Also,
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: welcome to another installment of you know what with me. Hey, So, recently,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: a friend of mine, the lovely Russ. Russ is a girl,
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: not a boy. Everyone thinks Russ is only a boy's name.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Clearly not. She's She's an absolute treasure, wife of Henry
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: and grandmom of seven, grandmom of seven. Anyway, she was
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: telling me about a young lady who trains at the
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: gym that she trains at, and she's like, oh my god,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: you should say it's oh my god, you should see
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: this girl. She's got this amazing body. And I'm like, yeah,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: I've seen lots of amazing bodies. She goes, but but
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: she lost seventy kilos and I'm like, and I honestly
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I went, yeah, she didn't lose seventy kilos like I
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: thought she must have. Russ, my friend must have got
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: that wrong. Like maybe she lost twenty or thirty, twenty
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: or thirty, but to lose seventy kilos. And obviously people
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: get a bit bit hysterell when we talk about weight,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: but there's no need to. We're not putting a value
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: judgment on anybody's worth as a human being, or whether
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: or not they're a good or bad person. But obviously
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: we know that being seventy kilos overweight is probably not
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: a great thing for one's health. I think we can
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: say that safely and anyway, I did it a little
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: bit of investigating, and it turns out it's true. And
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Ashley is that person. Ashley Mellow, not Miller, not abbreviated
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: to Millo, actually Mellow. Hi, Ashley, how are you?
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Hello, I'm good, Thank you? How are you?
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm good. Do you get sick of people asking
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: you about how did you do it? Why did you
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: do it? Where did you start? Or does it not
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: happen so much?
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: I think it's been a few years now, so when
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: I did initially lose a lot of the weight, it
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: was a lot of questions how did you do it?
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: But now that I'm kind of on a journey of
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: getting stronger and trying to just build more must all
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: and change my body composition a lot. I guess a
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: lot of people can't tell that that's where I came from.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: When I do tell them, or you know, if it
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: does come up in conversation, like with Russ for example,
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: they can't believe it, and then the questions start like
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: how did it happen? What did you do? Like a
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: lot I get a lot of questions like did you
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: have surgery? Like you know, did you have the GAT sleeve?
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Not that there's anything wrong with that, but yeah, I
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: just get like a lot of presumptions about that most times.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Right, right, And what's the what's the most asked question?
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Like if there's one question that people ask you repeatedly,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: what is that?
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: How did you do it?
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Right? Right?
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: All right. So, by the way, our friend Rass, our
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: mutual friend Ras. I know she you've only known it
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: for a while, but how fucking amazing is she? How
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: great shape are she?
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: Oh? She is so fit And even when she mentioned
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: that she was a grandmother, I could not believe it.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: But yeah, she's amazing, like for her age, and you know,
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: like them, I watch her in the gym and not
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: watch her, but like obviously she's there when I'm there,
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: and I just like watch what she does, and I
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: hope I can keep doing that when i'm your age, Like, yeah,
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: she is obviously incredible.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Well she's sixty five. She wouldn't mind, you know, she
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: would mind me saying that, but fuck yeah, I don't care.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: We're friends, so I'll just throw her under the bus.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: She turned sixty five on what's today? Today's when she
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: turned sixty five on Monday? Right, Oh we have so
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: birthday really, dude? May six? Right?
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: No, May thirteen, six, May fourteen is on Monday.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: She was Okay, so you guys are a weak apart anyway,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: she just turned Monday, and your next Monday, happy birthday.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: But yeah, she's she owns seven days a week. She
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: probably lifts weights five days a week. I've posted photos
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: of her before when I've trained her in the gym,
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: and what I love about it's not oh we need
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: big muscles or we need but here's this, this this
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: amazing woman who's sixty five years young. She's got seven grandkids.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: She still works, she doesn't need to work, she still works,
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: she's productive, she's got three grown up kids. And she's
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: not strong for a sixty five year old. She's strong period,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Like she's stronger than most twenty year olds that I know. Right,
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: So that's awesome. And yeah, so she met you and
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: she was telling me about, oh, there's this girl in
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: the gym that's got this beautiful body. She's jacked and
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: she's this and then she goes to me, oh my god,
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: she lost seventy kilos. So yeah, all right, so let's go.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: So what was By the way, don't answer anything you
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: don't want to and tell me to fuck off, you know,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: the drill. Yeah, But like for me, let me just
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: underline this with what I really care about the most
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: when we talk about this stuff everyone, And I think
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: you know that what I'm going to say. But I
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: care about people's health, health, their wellbeing, their function, their performance.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: You know, I don't care what people look like. We're
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: not talking about aesthetics. We're talking about what is optimal.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Can you remember, firstly, this is not a normal thing
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I would ask a woman ever on a podcast. But
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: what do you WHI at the moment?
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: At the moment, I'm about fifty nine killers.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you've literally used to carry around more than
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: twice your current body weight. Yeah, yeah, can you describe
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: to us what that felt like?
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: To be honest, I think I think that I've kind
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: of tried to forget being that big, if that kind
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: of makes sense. Like I look at old photos of
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: myself and I actually can't really remember being that big,
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: and like I felt like I wasn't that big when
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: I was that big, And it's definitely now looking back
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: that I think, like, oh my goodness, I can't believe
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: that actually was me. Like I literally look like a
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: completely different person. Like I look younger now than what
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: I did when I was twenty years old, So like
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: how old?
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: How old are you now?
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: I'm twenty six, twenty seven on Monday, So I think
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: obviously now, like I just I feel a lot lighter,
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: but I think I still carry a lot with me,
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: Like I'm still very conscious of my body. But I
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: think that's because I will always have an underlying fear
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: of going back there, but even though I know I
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: won't let myself but like it's just something that I've
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: obviously had to grow to like grow to learn that
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: I won't let myself get back there. But yeah, Like
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: it was pretty miserable, Like I was going through a
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: lot mentally growing up. Like I had a few like
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: dark patches in my teen years. So I think a
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: lot of it was emotional eating and that's kind of
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: what got me through that. And then yeah, I guess
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: it was like during COVID where I just like literally
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: got out of the shower one day and looked at
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: myself in the mirror, and I was like, what have
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: I done? Like this is not good? And it was
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: that day where like my whole mentality just kind of changed.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Wow, it's really it's really interesting. For a lot of people, actually,
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: it seems like they haven't experienced like that, you know,
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: And it could be they just get out of the
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: shower and for whatever reason, on that day there's like
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: some emotional or psychological tipping point where you go, I
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: don't know what the fuck am I doing? Like whatever
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: I'm doing doesn't work. And it could be about weight,
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: or it could be a relationship that's not working or
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: a way of communicating, or it could be a habit
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: smoking booze drugs, or it could be the way that
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: you fucking blow money and now you've got no do
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: and you keep buying shit you don't need with money
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: you don't have. And like it's not just about weight,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: it's about a mirror, Like it's really about life and
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: it's really about our mind. And because like when you
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: were you know, we won't open that door too wide,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: but you know, you were going through stuff as a teenager,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: and one of your strategies in Inverted Commas was eating
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: lots of food because food tastes fucking great and when
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: I eat food, I feel momentarily better. Right yeah, I
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: mean that's your way. That was your way of dealing
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: with and mitigating pain, and that's we all do that,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Like we all of us have made choices which logically
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: we know this is not a good choice. We know
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: that even when you're doing it, you're not shoving cakes
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: in your gob going fuck, And this is a great
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: decision on my behalf. Right yeah, I wish I had
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: a thought of this earlier, I know, But at the
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: same time, you go, yeah, but I feel shit, and
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: when I ate this, I feel good and produces a
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: bit of dopamine in my brain. So biby Bobby boo
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: cakes it is, you know, but do you think that,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Like what's interesting is you did this thing that and
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: it's not like, oh, you had a heart attack or
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: you've got diabetes or there was some big event, right.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, No, it was literally like I just it was
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: like I looked at myself from a different angle. Like
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: I still remember like the feeling I felt when I
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: saw myself, and I think I thought to myself. I
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: was like, if I keep going, because I'm gonna, like
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: it sounds stupid, but I'm gonna like eat myself to death.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Like for my age, I was twenty years old, I
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: weigh one hundred and twenty kilos, Like I obviously didn't
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: see myself that big, but now looking back, I was like,
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: not in a healthy way at all, but yeah, like
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: seeing myself like there was no health concerns. I was
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: perfectly like, you know, medically healthy. I I am lucky
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: that I don't have any you know, like medical conditions
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: or didn't get there. But yeah, it was literally just
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: like a mindset shift in a split second, and from
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: there just kind of snowboard into what it is today.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Wow Wow then yeah wow what So what was the
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: what was the first thing that you did, like when
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: you had that awareness? I remember so you and I had, Well,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I had a slightly different experience. I won't bore everyone,
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: but I had a moment in time where I had
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: a bit of a wake up call and not like
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: yours but not totally dissimilar. But I was younger and
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: I went, oh, fuck, I don't ever I don't want
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: to look like this, feel like this. I don't know,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: I had an experience socially. I was embarrassed and humiliated,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: and then I went fuck it. And that day I
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: went for a run and I never run in my life,
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: and I couldn't run because I was so fat, right,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: But I did my version of a run and I
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: walked and ran and walked and ran. And I've never
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: said this bit, but this is true. I remember running
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: and walking and crying. I was fourteen years old and
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: I fucking hated myself and I just and that was
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: It's like something I don't know, something internally shifted and
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: I went, I'm never feeling this again. I'm never doing
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: this again. I'm never gonna this has to stop, and
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: which is probably quite adult thinking for a child, but yeah,
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: that was it. That was the beginning for me. And
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: I went for a run and I just literally hud
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: my food. I didn't understand nutrition or micros or macros
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: or fucking energy and out. I didn't get any of that.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: I was a child living in the country, but I
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: just knew that less is better, so I just ate less.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: So what so you get out of the shower, you
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: go fucking he fuck, I'm not doing this anymore. What
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: did you do, Like, what were the first things that
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: you did to create change?
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: I think, to be honest, I went and because it
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: was during lockdown, so I couldn't work, I couldn't see anyone.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: It was me and my mom and dad at home.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: I think I went to my mom and I was like,
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: I can't do this, Like I said, what am I doing?
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: Like I said, now this needs to stop. So the
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: first thing I did was I said to her, I
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: was like, because I couldn't work, couldn't see my friends,
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: couldn't really do anything. Every day, I would just like
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: make really healthy food. And now looking back, I don't
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: know how healthy it was because I started doing like
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: the Keto diet, which is very controversial, but for me
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: it worked at the start, Like I had a lot
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: of weight to lose, so I was that helped me
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: shift a few kilos. I started going for walks every day,
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: meeting up with people and like making an effort to
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: try and walk. So I was just like walking. And
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: then once COVID lifted, i'd I think I'd lost about
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: ten or fifteen kilos. So I felt a little bit
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: lighter within myself. I felt a little bit more confident,
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: I started going to the gym I had. My mum
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: had a pet from before COVID that I started to
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: see and then I think I had I signed up
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: with my first coach, So that's kind of when I
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: really seriously got into like working out and Macro's and
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: the way of the food and following a proper program.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: So I did that for a few months. Then I
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: got I had to have it. I had the operation,
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: so I paused that for a little bit, got my
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: health back.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: On track, started hang on what operation?
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: So because I at that stage I lost fifty five kilos,
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: I had the skin removed from my stomach.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Wow, and tell us about I don't know anything. Well,
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: I only know what I've heard or seen, but it
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: seems to me that that's a it's not an insignificant
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: surgery and not without pain, and it's not a rapid recovery.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Us tell us about are you comfortable to tell us
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: about that?
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: Of course no, No, it's fine. So obviously like at
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: this stage I lost fifty kilos, I was then I
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: started becoming really self conscious about like my ex skin.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: So I went from being really self conscious about being
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: overweight to really self conscious about having excess skin, so
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: it kind of really bothered me and was something that
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: like I was like always looking at or always like
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: you know, look checking and seeing if it was getting
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: more and stuff like that. So because of COVID, I
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: was able to save a bit of money. And then
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: I said to my mom, you know what, I was like,
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: you know, I've done this all myself. I was like,
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: I really want to get it done. I feel like
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: it's something that I've earned to do. So I ended
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: up finding a surgeon. The surgery was supposed to be
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: in Melbourne, but then lockdown happened again, so I ended
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: up flying to Brisbane and having the surgery done there.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: So basically I just had like a I didn't have
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: enough skin for a full tummy tuck, so I just
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: had a mini So he just removed most of the
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: excess skin and then like pulled the skin down. I
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: don't know, we.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: Want to know that, we want to know all of it.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So pulled the skin down and then sewed me
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: all up. So basically you just removed the skin that
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: was just hanging. If that, I don't know, that's not
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: a really nice way to put it, but that's.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: But it's true, It's true, right, Yeah, I mean this
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: is I mean, I think you know what I love
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: about this, Well, this is just the practical reality of
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: losing fifty plus kilograms. Yeah right, it's like there's there's
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: you know, it's it's good, but it's good that you
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: lose that weight and that you're healthier, but there's a
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: consequence and then so tell us about the pain and
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: the recovery time.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: So that was in the January. I stopped training, I
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: think it was for about six to eight weeks, and
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: so during that time I kind of was like really
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: worried that I was going to lose all my muscle
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: and you know, my body compos obviously going to change.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: I met my partner that I'm with now during that time,
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: so obviously my diet was a lot different to what
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: it usually was. We were going out a lot more
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: and I was being more social. So yeah, when it
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: did come back to training, I was, you know, slightly bigger,
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: like not bigger, but I was a little bit a
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: few killers heavier, and you know, I did hold more
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: fat that was obviously going to happen from recovery and
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: not training. But look, it didn't take long to get
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: back to where I was. I joined, I signed up
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: with a different coach who I'm still with now, and yeah,
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: basically started not from scratch again, but like rebooted the
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: journey and I'm still with her now. Her name's Tabby Knight.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: She's yeah shout out.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: So people are going, what's like, do you mean a
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: body coach, a mind coach, of food coach, what kind
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: of surry?
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: So she's kind of everything, like she's there mea mentally
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: and like mindfully and it gives life advice. But essentially
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: she is the one that will prescribe my training and
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: my nutrition each week. And so what being with her
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: has been amazing because it's kind of like something I
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: just don't have to worry about something I just follow.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Whereas before when I was doing it on my own,
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: it was hard because essentially I had no idea what
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: I was doing. But whatever I was doing was working,
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: but it wasn't gonna work forever. So I'm still with her,
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: and look, the recovery has gone amazing. I lost about
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: twenty kilos since I had the surgery, so it's must
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: it's not as tight as it was, but it's better
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: than what it was before.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: But yeah, well, I saw some Russ sent me a
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: photo of you in the gym, just standing there like
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: a dumb ass smiling. Yeah.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: She goes to ask, can I just take a quick photo?
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: I was like right now, She's like yeah.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I know, I know. I could
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: see how thrilled you were getting that. But what I
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: did notice was, and I'm saying this as a as
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: a fitness professional, ash, Well, firstly, you're in great shape,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: but you've got some quads on you, as in I
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: mean lean, strong, muscular quads, like you're lower and your
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: upper body is really strong. But yeah, like you have
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: quite a lot of muscle. Do you love that?
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: I do, and I don't like I love it. But
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: also at the same time, I'm quite short, so oftentimes
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: I will find like myself wishing they were smaller. But
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: then other days, like when I'm doing a leg day,
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: I love that my legs are so strong. So it's
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: kind of like I take the good with the bad,
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: and it kind of all bints out to me.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: You just look like an athlete. Like if I saw
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: you out and about, I would go, she's an athlete,
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Like that's exactly what I would think, And you know.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: I mean really in a sense, you are an athlete.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: You don't compete necessarily, but you train like an athlete,
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: you eat like an athlete, you live like an athlete,
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: you know. So I want to know a little bit. Again,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: this is as much or as little as you want
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: to share. Yeah, about tell us about whatever you want,
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: like the emotional stuff, the mind stuff, the emotional stuff
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: that led you to be you know, one hundred and
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: twenty plus kilos. What was going on then? Was that
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: just childhood crap or Yeah?
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: So I had like a significant childhood traumatic event when
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: I was about eight or nine, and since then, I
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: think like I kind of have suppressed a lot of
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: it as I've become older because I feel like my
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: whole life has changed. I had a lifestyle change when
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: that COVID moment did happen. So I think from when
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: I was about eight or nine, I kind of was
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: a big emotional comfort eater, and I think getting big
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: was like a very big protect a protecting barrier I
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: put myself in. It protected me from a lot of
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: things that I was like subconsciously afraid of. And then
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: when I was a little bit older, about sixteen, I
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: went through really bad depression and anxiety, and again just
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: away my feelings. And then yeah again when I was
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: about eighteen or nine nineteen, I'd say again, those same
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: feelings came up. So I just you know, put food
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: down the trap and everything.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: It's always a great option. Yeah, not really but in
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: the moment.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: But in that moment it was great. But you know,
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: now if I'm having a bad day, like it just
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: shows like that big mental shift, like if I'm having
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: a bad day now, like I'll go for a walk
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: or I'll go to the gym, and you know, it
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: might be a really shitty session, but it's such a
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: better and more healthy alternative than what I was doing.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: And you know, I'm I've always been someone that has
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: never really been on you know, considering what I went through,
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: I would never was on any medication or anything. So
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: food was a big thing. Whereas now I can like
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: happily say that if I am having a shit day
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: or you know, I am really upset or feeling down
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: or feeling like crap, I just go to the gym,
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: I just go for a walk like I might have
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: you know, food outside my normal you know area, not
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: area my normal menu or dietary whatever it is you
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: want to call it. But like, I don't binge or
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: I don't you know, stuff my face. I might just
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: have a few pieces of chop and then be like, oh,
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: I don't feel much better, but you know I had
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: what I wanted, So you know, it's all very different now,
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: and it's all, i'd say, more balanced.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: Well, I think you know the first book I ever wrote,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: which was twenty wow, probably when you were one, But anyway,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: that's that's annoying as I think about it. Fuck. But anyway,
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: the first book I wrote was about the psychology of
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: getting in shape, and it was terrible title of a book,
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: but it was called Fattitude. You probably couldn't call it
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: that these days, but anyway, it was all about the
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: mind and the emotional stuff around changing the body. Right, ye,
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: And isn't it interesting how much you realize even though
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: your goal was to change your body and now to
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: keep your body healthy, fit, strong, functional, and maybe improve
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: it in some way based on your personal goals. But
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: even though it's a body thing, you realize how much
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: this process is not about the body. Like it's kind
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: of about the body, but it's so much about your head.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: And your emotions.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, it is, and that's what a lot of
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: people like, like Russ for example, like she said like
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: kind of do you have a story or anything? And
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: I said I ended up telling her and she's like,
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: how did you do it? And I said, well, I
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: just eating an exercise and even when I had it,
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: before I had the surgery, I had a few consultations
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: with different surgeons and you know, I told them, you know,
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: I've lost fifty five kilos blah blah blah, and they
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: said to me. One of them said to me, oh,
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: so when did you get the gastric sleeve? And I
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: said sorry, and he's like, oh, well when did you,
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: Like when did you have that to lose that weight?
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: And I said I didn't have that And he was
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: so shocked because he was like, how did you do
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: it then? And I was like, I ate healthy and
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: I've been exercising, and he was just like blown away
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: that I was able to do that. And a lot
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: of people have said to me like, you know, Ash,
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: like you know, it's amazing what you've done, but you know,
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: how have you done it? Like, you know, I eat
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: healthy and I go to the gym and I said well,
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: I don't know, I said, I don't know. I don't
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: have all the answers, I said, But at the end
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: of the day, it's a very big mental shift you
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: have to have and you have to want to do it.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: And I think that's the main thing, Like it's something
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: you have to want to do, and no one can
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: force you or make you do it because it's going
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: to make you not want to do it even more.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think on top of there's something you
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: you know, you've got to really want to do, the
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: next bit is and also you've got to be prepared
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: to do shit that's not fun that you don't enjoy
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: in the moment, and be hungry and not eat the
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: shit that you want to eat, and keep going. And
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: when you feel saddy, mic sad stuff, still keep going.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: And when like sometimes you're frustrated and you've got to
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: be able to loose skin and then you hate yourself again,
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: you keep you know.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: Like it's just a rollercretion emotions.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean, like everyone wants to do it or
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: not it. I don't mean lose weight. I mean everyone
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: wants to be healthy, fit, strong, functional, Like nobody wants
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: to be unhealthy. So let's forget weight for the moment.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Let's just talk about being optimal whatever that is for
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: our genetic potential and our age. Like if you go
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: to me, Craig, do you want to be the best
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: physical version of you that you can be? Well? Fuck yes, right,
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: but that the reality for that is me for me
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: is and again this is not a recommendation anyone, but
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: that you know, two meals a day, lift weights every day,
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: drink clots of water, no booze, no drugs, no cake,
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: no bread, no pasta, you know. And I don't recommend
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: that for others, but that's just the way that I
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: be fit, strongly and healthy, functional. Yeah, And while some
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: people might want that, they don't want to do what's
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: required to get it.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: No, that's the thing, And that's exactly right. And I've like,
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: you know, there's been a lot of sacrifice that I've
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: done to kind of get in shape, like so many
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: social events where I've taken my own meals or you know,
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: family birthdays where I just sit at the table and
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: I'm drinking water or you know, like sugar free soft
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: drinks or and you know, or I'll eat the meal,
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: but I won't eat the cake. Like there has been
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: days where I, like, you know, haven't gone to things
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: because it's like I just can't involve myself in anything,
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: so I'm just not going to go, which now like
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: I've done that maybe twice, but now that was something
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: I was like, okay, like that's like a bit much.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: So now I just you know, take my own food.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: And you know, everyone around me knows what I'm like now,
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: like they know like my goals and at the end
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: of the day, like I said to my partner and
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: my mom, and I've said to my friends, like you
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: guys know like what I came from. Like like it's
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: been like a really long journey for me, but now
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: I'm at a place where I'm happy. But I just
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: want to keep going and keep getting healthier and keep
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: getting stronger. And you know, there's still going to be
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: sacrifices I have to make. It's not going to be forever,
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: but it's you know, some like it's a journey that
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: I'm on and I'm not forcing anyone else to be
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: on it with me. So it's just things that I
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: have to do. And if anyone around me it sounds selfish,
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: but if anyone around me doesn't like it. Well, that's
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: kind of their problem.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent. Well, I mean, the thing is that,
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: let's say, for example, instead of being a foodoholic, let's
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: say you are an alcoholic. Right now, if you went
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: out to a social function and you're an alcoholic, but
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: you are now clean and sober, nobody's going to put
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: a beer in your hand and say, ash, just have one. Yeah, right,
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: because everyone understands that opening the door on drinking booze
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: for an alcoholic is a terrible idea. You know, people
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: don't understand the same way how food one hundred percent
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: can be an addiction, and it is such a psychological
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: and emotional battle for so many people that once you
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: get I find it fucking curious that. Okay, so now
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: you used to be morbidly obese, wildly unhealthy, depressed, anxious, miserable,
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: you know, and now you're none of that. But people
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: still go, oh, you're a bit weird. Ah, why don't
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: you just have one? Ah, rather than going what you've
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: done is amazing. I couldn't do it or don't want
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: to do it, but well done you. How can I
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: support you? How can I help you? How can I
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: make this easy for you. A friend of mine got
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: married a few months ago. Alex shout out to doctor Alex,
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: and I went to this amazing wedding with amazing people,
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: and there was fucking three hundred courses ash and there
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: was booze everywhere and fucking food everywhere, and like literally,
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: I think there were six or seven courses at this
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: the fanciest joint I've ever been to, Like a fucking
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: I was a complete misfit because I'm a bogan, right,
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: I I'm a bogan, and They're like, how did you
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: get here? Anyway? But I had one meal. Like there
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: were seven courses, I had one course, and I picked
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: the thing that for me was the best. I had
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: no booze, obviously. I think I had two waters and
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: a diet coke. You know, I'd let my hair down.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: I went crazy. Yeah, But in the middle of it,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: like nobody gave a fuck. I had a good time.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: I spoke to some really nice people. I had a
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: good night. I interacted, I socialized, And if I'm eating
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: all the food or none of the food, it makes
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: no fucking difference to anyone. Until somebody tries to make
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: it their business. I'm like, what is that about?
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, you know it was even like going off
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: that Like same with the drinking, Like for me now,
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: I would rather, you know, go out for lunch and
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: go for a walk, then go out on the you know,
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: go out to a bar and get really drunk. Like
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: it's just kind of like, you know, because the next
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: day you were like shit. And then that was also
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: another really big trigger for me when I was that big,
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: if I was hungover, I would just eat all day.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: Really, yeah, what age did you start drinking booze?
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: Eighteen?
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: Is that the official party line?
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: Well? Yeah, like I started, like I obviously, like I
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: would have a few drinks when I was under eighteen,
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: but like when I really started drinking, yeah, when I
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: was eighteen and going out and stuff. But yeah, it
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: was kind of like it was just like a vicious
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: cycle with that involved.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: Tell me about this is a weird question, but if
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: you asked me, I would have an answer for this.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: Tell me about your relationship with your body.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: It's getting a lot better than it has been before. Yeah,
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: it is a bit of like an emotional rollercoaster. I
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: went from really not noticing when I was really big
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: to them when I drastically lost a lot of weight.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: I kind of became obsessed with losing weight because it
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: was happening so quickly, but obviously as I got smaller,
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: it was slowing down. And then yeah, when I started
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: with my coach, I kind of, I guess I started
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: to look at myself differently like I looked because it
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: was like a project, if that makes sense, Like it's
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: something I'm trying to change. Whereas I've just finished a
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: fat lost phase where I've got to the lowest weight
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: I think I've been since I was twelve years old.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: So now I'm in a building phase. And I, you know,
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: I was transparent with her. I said, you know, I'm
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: going to probably struggle at the beginning, like eating a
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: lot more food, seeing you know, gaining more fat again.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: And look, I have put on a few kilos. I'm
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: actually surprised how I'm dealing with it.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: But look, so when you say, sorry to interrupt, but
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: explain to our listeners. Explain to our listeners. When you say,
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: now I'm in a building phase, what does that mean? Oh?
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: Sorry, So basically I'm trying to build muscle, but to
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: do that, I'm eating a lot more food to fuel
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: my muscle to get better performance in the gym. Yeah,
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: basically just to refuel after being in a diet phase
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: and trying to strip back fat for about four months.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: So now replenishing and you know, eating above my what
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: a normal calorie intake would be. I guess, yeah, so
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: that has been a very, very big shift. But look,
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: be doing. Obviously, it's I think forever, I'm always gonna
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: have like this really weird relationship with my body. But
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: you know, I guess I don't really know any different
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: at the same time.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: So how do you okay? So for me anyway, I
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: for a long time, you know, body dysmorphia, disordered eating,
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: eating disorders, fucking all the psychological, emotional, sociological issues around
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: how I looked. And you know, I was a fat
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: kid and all I wanted to do was be a skinny,
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: fit kid. Then I got skinny and fit. Then all
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: I wanted to do is have muscle. Then all I
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: wanted to do is look like a fucking cartoon character
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: and be a freak, right, and fucking muscles on my eyelids. Right.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: So not that you need any advice from me, but yeah,
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: I think the challenge is and it took me a
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: really long time. And I mean I was I was
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I owned gyms, and I was telling people what to
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: do and how to eat, and how to move and
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: how to try and how to fucking optimize their genetics
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: and all of these things. But in the middle of that,
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: I was still sometimes doing dumb shit. So you're way
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: ahead of me. And I was doing dumb shit until
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: my thirties, right, So you're definitely doing You're definitely doing
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: better than I was. And I think it's I think
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: the challenge is a few things. One is trying to
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: figure out what is the optimal operating system for you,
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: not for anyone else. And when I say optimal, I
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: mean what is the thing that you can do that
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: works and everybody I'm talking about this could be applied
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: to any component of your life, not just Ash and
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: her body, But what is the thing that you can
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: do consistently that will work for you physiologically but also emotionally, psychologically,
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: maybe sociologically, but also practically because extreme doesn't work right
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: and invariably when we do extreme, there's going to be
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: a big rebound. So it fuck extreme because nobody can
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: sustain extreme and neither do we want to because it's
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: unhealthy on a range of levels. But yeah, I think
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: the challenge for you moving forward is trying to figure
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: out how do I stay sane, how do I how
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: do I stay mentally and emotionally healthy while trying to
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: you know, optimize this thing that I walk around it
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: while not becoming a complete fucking lunatic in the process.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, And it's always I don't know if
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: it was the same for you, and correct me if
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: I'm wrong, But for a while, like my body, what
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: I was eating and what I was doing, and you know,
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: how much I was exercising was all I could think
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: about twenty four seven.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I was the same I used to lie
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: about food ash I would tell people bullshit that go
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: I remember, you know, like I owned Austraya's first personal
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: training center, and I'm doing all of this shit, and
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: I'm so I've got this kind of profile in this position.
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: By the way, I was still a fuck up behind
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: all of that, but I'm telling people to do things
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: that I wasn't even doing. Yeah, you know, And it's like, oh,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: and you kind of want people to think a certain way,
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: But the truth is on a level, I was a
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: fraud and a fuck up, you know, and you've got
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: to over time, over time kind of just figure out,
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: all right, well, I'm probably not because I'm bad or
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: week or broken like you. I mean, you're not bad
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: or week or broken. But you're always going to have
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: issues because you're human. Yeah, whether or not you're going
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: to have the same issues or different issues, who knows.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: But I think the challenge is not perfection, but rather growth,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: learning and improvement, you know, and figuring out, you know,
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: how do I manage my emotions in my mind as
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: I keep doing this stuff.
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it. And you know, like even like how
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: before you mentioned body dysmorphyl Like you know, it sounds silly,
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: but I'm half less than half the way I was.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: And I sometimes I look in the moon and I
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: feel like that girl again. I feel like I was,
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: you know, when I was twenty years old. And you know,
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: it's almost like a trigger for me when I'm like,
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: I don't understand how like I can still see myself
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: like that. But at the end of the day, like
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: I know how hard I work, I know how much
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: like you know, dedication I put in towards like you know,
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: my goal was my health, my fitness, so it's only
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: credit to me and those around me that support me
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: that that's all I can sit back and reflect on.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: And it's kind of like when people I don't know,
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: but I don't know if it was the same for you,
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: but when you have a really big body change and
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: you lose a lot of weight, a lot of people
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: start complimenting you. So then it kind of becomes like
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: this outside pressure on you to keep going. Yeah, and
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: so yeah, I guess that's something I held on to
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: as well. Like it was kind of like all these
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: people are saying I look so good and I lost
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: so much weight, Like I can't like, you know, put
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: weight on again, or I can't ever like eat that again,
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: because you know, I'll go back to what I was
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: and then people will be like, oh, what happened, and
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: you know, it's always what happened or you know, what
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: went wrong.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I think there's a trap. There's a trap,
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: and the trap is that we get confused with who
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: we are and where we live. It's like one of
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: the problems is when your identity is your body, you're
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: a bit fucked. So you need to figure out who
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: you are, beyond your body, beyond your appearance, beyond your
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: body composition, beyond what people think think of you and
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: your body. And it's tough because you look awesome and
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: you've done there's amazing things. So people are going to
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: keep going wow, wow, wow. And you've got an ego
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: and so have I. And you've got self esteem and
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: so have I. And when people go you, when people
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: tell you, like Russ told you look amazing, then she
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: told me, and then and now you're on the show,
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: it's like, oh, fucking the fuck, I'm on the show
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: because of my body. Yeah, and well that is true,
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: that is true. But at the same time, I'm more
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: interested in Ash the person than Ash the body, you know.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: And that's why I want to know how you think,
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: how you manage this, How are you going to move
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: forward without becoming a complete fucking idiot about you know,
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: like I who want.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: And like you know, I feel like compared to see
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: twelve months ago, I have grown a lot, like emotionally
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: and mentally, like I've kind of been able to like
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: distach myself from identifying myself as someone who's just lost weight.
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: I've become like I've graduated Uni now like I'm I
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: see myself. It sounds so silly, but like I see
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: myself more of who Ash actually is, and like everything
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: outside of just being in the gym and losing weight
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: and focusing on you know, what I'm eating and you
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: know how much I weigh today and everything like that.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: So look, I have come a long way and I'm
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: pretty proud of myself for that. But yeah, look, it's
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: always going to be a never ending journey and I
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: never really wanted to stop because you know, it's something
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: I enjoy and but yeah, you're right, you do need
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: an identity outside of that, which I, you know, have
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: realized is super important.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, we're going to wind up. But let
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: me ask you a few questions. These are all about me.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: I just want to know a few things. Probably our
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: audience will roll their eyes. So what's your strongest body
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: part is? Is it legs?
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: Okay? So do you do you care about what you lift? Like?
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: What's your best squat? Do you squat? Do your deadlift?
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: Do you do? What do you do?
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: I used to squat a lot more, but now I
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: just don't really squat a lot as much as I
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: used to do. At the moment, I'm focusing on deadlifts
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: and I'm on seventy five kilos, which isn't that much,
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: but I'm trying to build back up there.
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: That's good. Seventy five is a decent deadlift. And do
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: you do you not that I think you should necessarily
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: or but I'm just interested. Do you ever want to
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: get on stage?
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: I would love to. I'm just I've just started a
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: new job as a full time nurse, so I just
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: want to try and get hack that routine. And then yeah,
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: I have mentioned to Tabbing my coach, that I would
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: love to get on stage next year, So I just
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: am looking at that at the moment. So fingers crossed
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: I can get there.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: And so we talk about getting on stage. Everyone we're
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: talking about Yeah, this is this is a murky area.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: I reckon so body shaping, bikini, body sculpting, Like, have
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: you figured out which category.
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: I would love to do? The transformation section?
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: Great?
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a section now which I think is pretty cool.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: It's transformation I also wouldn't mind doing, like sports model
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: bikini is not really down my alley or potentially wellness maybe.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's so many divisions that so I mean, the
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: only thing, like, I've been to a million bodybuilding shows,
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: I've judged them, I've trained athletes, I've been backstage a
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: million times. The only thing I hate about that whole
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: thing is just that. So now the girl with the
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: self esteem and the body dysmorphia and all of these
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: things is going to get on stage and be judged,
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like like training your
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: body to you know, create this outcom and the whole
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: journey and the learning and the and the discipline. It's
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: it's great, but there's also there's this dark side that's like,
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: you know, so I think that is you know, you
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: and Tabby need to figure that out because what really
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: from a I sound like your fucking dad now, But
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: what I care about, like is over the long term,
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: there are so many people that have gotten on stage
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: that really do have kind of a lot of significant
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: issues around body dysmorphia and you know, eating issues, and you.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: Know, especially I thinks after the comp where a lot
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: of that hacks in as well. When you start, when
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: your body starts going back to you know, normal you know,
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: normal ratios, and you start like, you know, you're back
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: at a healthy weight, whereas you're not used to that,
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: And that's why I kind of said her next year,
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: I said, I would like to be a lot mentally
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: stronger before I put myself on that path. So yeah,
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of not only prepping myself physically, but you know,
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: I also need to get there mentally before I head
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: down that road.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: Well, think about like the practical reality as you walk
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: out on a stage, you know, three four five feet
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: above everyone who's all looking up at you. You're wearing
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: a postage stamp, and then they're literally judging your body
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: and you're just so you're just a number and they're
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: just you know, it's kind of almost the opposite of
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: what we want these days and encourage. That's why anyway,
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: it's good and bad. We just like as long as
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: in the middle of all of that you can maintain
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: your sanity and your emotional health. Hey, Ash, I could
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: talk to you for longer, but we've got to go.
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for doing this. I appreciate you
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: having Yeah, your group, you're cool. Do you I just
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: sounded one hundred years old. That doesn't matter. Hey, do
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: you want people to follow you on Instagram and all
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: that shit? Or are we keeping that on the down load.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: They can if they found my story interesting. It's ash Millo,
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: So ash Millo am I double l O. But yeah,
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: if they have any more questions or want any advice,
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: if they want to kind of go down that path,
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: but they don't know where to start or who to
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: speak to. Like you know, my messages are always open.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: It's something I love talking about, but not something I
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: ever really promote.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: So yeah, well I appreciate you. We'll talk off air,
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: but for the moment. Thanks for being on the Youth
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: Project and by the way, one of the best podcast
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: debuts of all time.
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: Amazing. Thank you. I know, my first ever podcast and
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: I loved it.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: Wow, well you're not a podcast virgin anymore? Am I
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: allowed to say that? Yes? Fuck, I don't know.
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: Thanks, thank you.