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Why Jason Wilson Is Such An Effective Father (Cam Newton Podcast Reaction) · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast. I got a special episode for you guys. I, over this last Sabbath, spent a few hours listening to this video of Jason Wilson, who is famous for the Cave of Adullam, which is a incredible nonprofit up in Detroit. Jason got very famous when he.
• 0:21
  was coaching a young man who was crying in his martial arts studio. And people saw just how incredibly gifted he is at fathering. But this is a podcast that he did with Cam Newton. Cam was a quarterback of the Carolina Panthers, played in the Super Bowl, and...
• 0:38
  About halfway into this interview, Jason starts to just father Cam in different ways. It's such an interesting conversation. So Jeff and I were texting about this and I thought, oh man, I'd love to just kind of reflect on some of the things that Jason does here as just such a skilled father of even somebody who's not his son.
• 0:58
  Hi, welcome to the Family Teams Podcast. Our goal here is to help your family become a multi-generational team on mission by providing you with biblically rooted concepts, tools, and rhythms. Your hosts are Jeremy Pryor and Jefferson Bethke, and we can't wait to chat about all things family. So I'm gonna play for you guys a few clips and just kind of reflect on some of the things that we see here. How old are you, Cal? Like 53.
• 1:25
  I'm gonna turn that around 35. Close. All right. So you're young enough to be my son. And I say that respectfully, because you got an amazing father. David told Solomon before he died to show himself a man. When I look at you and what you've accomplished on the field of football, you're a warrior son.
• 1:49
  I don't care what position I put you in, you'll handle it if you trained right. The issue isn't, son, that you lack discipline. You've shown that, you're here now. You got discipline, you got self-control. Look at all you've accomplished. What you lacking is the self-love piece. Things have happened in your life that triggered
• 2:16
  what's happening now. The Super Bowl, for instance, which I again salute you for being transparent. Everyone can talk about why didn't he jump on the ball? Why didn't, now one thing you say, your analogy you were saying, what I can't relate to is being in Super Bowl 50, right? Yes, sir. Beast quarterback, like you were my son's top dog. Yes, sir. I was, everyone was pulling for y'all to win that I knew in my sphere of influence.
• 2:48
  I ain't never been in that position. Millions of people watching. Ball just knocked out of my hand. Just that moment of hesitation, like I teach in fighting, self-defense. So just to give you guys, make sure you understand what he's talking about. So there was a famous moment in the Super Bowl where Cam was the quarterback and the ball got knocked out of his hand and he stepped back. Usually in football you jump on the ball immediately because it could be a turnover.
• 3:17
  But he stepped back and the other team ended up getting it and he was just widely criticized. Now, the thing that's really fascinating to me about this part of the conversation is they've been talking for about 40 minutes. And all of a sudden, Jason downshifts into father mode. He says, look, I respect your father, but you are young enough to be my son. So I'm going to start talking to you like my son.
• 3:41
  And I think many of us have never seen this or experienced this kind of fathering where it's just directly. And you can see that Cam just shifts into like receptive son mode. Like, yes, sir. Yes, sir. And so this 35 year old man or whatever Cam Newton is, you won't tell us his age, you know, he's getting directly fathered by Jason here. So watch kind of how he he kind of works through those those elements here. Guy has a knife. This moment of this will get you killed.
• 4:10
  You got to respond. In that moment, because I watched it again, hearing the commentators like, now that's applicable. You put them in that situation, that's different. That's high pressure. But I share all of that to say, brother, every man, this is a good analogy, has the ball knocked out of their hand sometime, and we hesitate to dive on it.
• 4:41
  In life, that could be you get a, like for me, I use myself, for example. I got my wife now, Nicole, pregnant out of wet lot, very dishonorable to her father, who was a pastor. Instead of, I did hesitate. It took me over four years to marry this woman. I wasted so much time. We've been married 27 years. But I finally dove on the ball.
• 5:12
  What I'm saying is, son, is that that situation was so heavy. I'm just watching it today. If you haven't really unpacked that, like really, it will morph into other areas in your life where you hesitate.
• 5:31
  One of the things that you'll see that Jason's trying to get at is Cam doesn't, he's afraid to get married. So this is going to kind of be a constant theme in this conversation. I talked to a lot of men about being married. They can love the woman, desire to be with her. And they always say, well, Mr. Wilson, I need to get a little more money. Mr. Wilson, I need to get this house. You know what? Maybe when I get this business going, I'll go ahead and lock that in. I said, me and my wife, we got it together, together.
• 6:01
  I didn't have money, a lot of money. Me and my wife, we got it together, together. My wife was a nurse. You put that together, that's why the scriptures say, it's not good for man to be alone. The woman in Hebrew, the word helper is Eiza, which also means a shield, sucker, support. So many of us, when you look at what's happening in our community, we're missing that.
• 6:31
  especially when studies come out to show that over 80% of millionaires are married. What are we missing? Majority of us is fear. And then the inadequacy piece, the imposter syndrome. Now, when I get married, I can't be a stoic. Oh, she's going to find out that I'm depressed sometime. She's going to find out that, man, I still struggle with confidence. I'm really not the leader she thinks I am for her to be around me all day long.
• 7:02
  That's why I say, man, it's not the lack of discipline. It's not even self-control. Those are fruits of the seeds that have been planted. So if you don't have the right seeds and the right soil, your manifestation or the bad fruit is what we're seeing now in so many men. All right. One of the things I just love about both the tone of what Jason is doing here in this conversation with Cam, but also the content he is.
• 7:27
  Really speaking straight to the reasons why so many of these men, and he's looking at Cam, he's like, your age, you should be married. This is a big part of the conversation. And there are so many people today that think, I've got to make my fortune. I've got to sow my wild oats. I've got to have all these experiences. This is really causing men, a large number of men that are very successful, to choose not to get married. And he's really talking about the beauty of having somebody there to help you that actually
• 7:56
  like levels up with you, not where you level all the way up and then you bring somebody in as a trophy at the end or just treat women like trophies that are disposable along the way. Such a powerful message. I just love the tone about like how he's gently, but just very directly confronting this problem. All right, next clip. My fear of divorce is greater than my desire to get married. So give me that. I appreciate you saying that.
• 8:26
  You just identified one issue that's stopping you. But we know God didn't give us a spirit of fear. He gave us a spirit of power, love, and self-control. In Him, not a human. What you mean? In what? In Him. In Him what? I believe in Him. To what? You just said, my fear of divorce is greater than my desire to get married.
• 8:55
  I heard you. I want to make sure because you said something else. So let me make sure I understand what you're saying. You're saying in layman's terms that was preventing you from marrying any of these women. Mm hmm. Is your fear of being divorced? Yes. Just want to make sure I understood that. Yes. All right. Now, now I'm talking about fear.
• 9:17
  It does not come from Most High. It is written that fear comes from the devil. He did not give us a spirit of fear. Most High gave us a spirit of power, love, and sound mind or discipline. That's what I'm saying. I love the fact, brother, that you identified it. Most men will continue living promiscuous lives, running from their calling, their purpose, because of that fear.
• 9:41
  The Bible says that Satan prowls around like a roaring lion seeking whom he can devour. When I studied that as deep, the lion roars to scare the prey into where he wants them to go. That's why the roar is important, the fear. That's why it says do not be fear over 300 times in the scriptures. I'm proud of you. So now we gotta move past fear into purpose. He's giving you all of this
• 10:12
  I want to come back to the most high, empty. I don't want to leave here with my cup full. There are many days I cry from fatigue, wanting my life. Why can't I be like the normal Christian and go do this and do some right things and do a little bad things? Yeah. He didn't die for me to compromise. Brother, who you are,
• 10:40
  He's given it to you, not as a crux or a crutch, but as a power.
• 10:49
  So what triggers the fear? What have you seen about, I guess, divorce that makes you, I'm asking. All right, so I just love again, how he kind of walks through and tries to identify that fear. He goes deeper and deeper in this conversation where he's just like drawing it out and having this just free open conversation. One of the things that Jason does so well that I just want to emulate a much better personally in my fathering, my disciple making,
• 11:17
  is the use of scripture, just like the direct quotes straight into the heart. There's something about just saying directly to Cam, like these things from the scriptures and just giving him an understanding that, okay, you're afraid of this thing. This is what the scripture says about that. Like every, everything that people are saying to Jason is,
• 11:37
  It's like a hyperlink into the Bible. And this is, this is part of what comes from just meditating and memorizing verses. Like if you don't have these verses right there on the tip of your tongue and ready to say that the Lord did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and a sound mind, man, I, I love that so much. Like just to be able to talk and this happens so often in this, in this interview. So I want to play for you guys the next clip. Jesus say the reason why Moses allowed for divorce. Infidelity. No.
• 12:08
  What? Adultery? It wasn't adultery? Mm-mm. Remember the Most High is... See, when you're running or escapism, you think because the Most High allows something that he approved it. Yeshua, Jesus said that Moses allowed them that certificate of divorce because the people's hearts were hardened. It's not his will, son.
• 12:39
  It's not. Truth is truth. It's not what we can make it. It can't. It's solid. It stands on something. Yahushua's mission wasn't to come here to have a family. His mission was to come here and show us the way and die for our sins and rise again on the third day and give us salvation, access to the
• 13:06
  One of the reasons why he's bringing this up is because Cam mentions that Jesus was never married, so maybe marriage is not all that. Such a good response. Have, he was locked in. So that's the danger in having a fear, I'm not saying you have a fear-based mind, but when we allow fear, or when we look through the lenses of fear, it changes really the perspective
• 13:37
  or perception of what he's trying to show us. For me, let me give you an example. My example's still pending too. What example's still pending? I can give you the example of what. Okay, well you, okay. Your turn. I was trying to tell her, you know what I'm saying. Long as we clear on why Jesus wasn't married. That's cool. Okay, cool. Go to your examples about what makes you fear divorce. Most recently?
• 14:06
  Just in general, just like what makes you fear divorce? And listen, I get it. I got, listen, my, okay. I don't want you to think, I didn't have what you have, brother. I didn't have. I ain't thinking nothing, man. I like where we at. Okay, no, no, listen, listen, listen. I love where we at. And I mean that. No, I'm not disingenuous. Thank you. So please take your time. So listen. Yes, sir.
• 14:36
  One of the strongest men I've ever met in my life. Married four times, I saw what it cost him. So I know firsthand. Oh, listen, listen, listen. My father- It gets tricky. Look, my father cut hair when haircuts was $7. Man, you know how much haircuts cost him now? That's my point. There should have been more back then. Look how hard he had to work to support all his children, child support. I saw the ill effects in his life.
• 15:05
  My fear of divorce, see again, is how you look at things. I never want my children to experience what I never had that I longed to give them. That's my fear of divorcing Nicole, is that it cuts that off. I vowed to break that out of my family and I did.
• 15:31
  And then also when you understand if I want to have generational wealth, that starts with the marriage. You know, you get these three or four homes now, you ain't playing football no more. This stuff gets more money, more money, cost expensive, kids become jealous like in David's household. Remember David's son raped his daughter, then the other son had to kill his son, and he's, you see? And so- I'm very familiar. Yeah, and so, this is this, I don't want to say there's nothing more dangerous.
• 16:03
  But it's very dangerous when you know scriptures, but really aren't in relationship with the Most High. Says who though? Says, it doesn't get tricky at all. All right, so he just kind of constantly is making connections, you can see with Cam in just from the heart level, talking about the story of his father
• 16:31
  And the thing that just really hit me was you can see that part of what Jason is trying to coach cam to do is you have to make generational progress. Like when I, I think about where my dad was, my dad, you know, Jason says had four, was married four times, went through all this horrible stuff. I vowed to break that in my generation and I have broken that in my generation. One of the things that I don't know exactly what situation with cam's parents' marriage, but one of the things that cam says,
• 16:57
  multiple times in his interview is how much he loves his dad, but he's not making generational progress, right? He's getting all these other women pregnant, having all these kids out of wedlock, not building a family because he's afraid of divorce. And so this whole conversation is a kind of like exploration for why that is. And, you know, Jason just kind of like...
• 17:17
  almost like just imparting like a father to a son his values and this is why this is like a master class in how to do this this is what i feel like he is so good hey it's jeremy i grew up in the pacific northwest where having a child was treated like a lifestyle choice kind of like getting a dog
• 17:32
  Most families I knew didn't talk about a vision or a legacy or building something together. So when my theology around family changed, it hit me hard. I realized I wasn't just raising kids. I was forming a multi-generational team, but I had no idea how to do that. I needed tools, rhythms, frameworks, and I needed examples. That's why we created the family team's accelerator is the kind of path I wish I had back then.
• 17:53
  Each month, we walk through one key area of family life, like Sabbath, discipline, or family mission, and give you a simple video, a playbook, and real-life tools to build it into your home. If you're trying to lead your family with intention, but feel like you're making it up as you go, you're not alone. You don't have to figure it out from scratch. Join us at familyteams.com slash accelerator. Okay, let's watch the next clip. You ruined not only what I stand for, but who sent me.
• 18:22
  So there's a lot, you're right, there's a lot of questions and things we haven't unpacked here. This is what I do, because I have to help a child navigate past interpretation to helping them process, because his brain is too young.
• 18:39
  I help men do the same thing because many of us have broken boys inside of us that haven't been healed. And so we're living from that brokenness, that period in our life that never was truly healed. And we're told these mantras that are misleading, no pain, no gain, or actually let me go before that, when you were a child, big boys don't what? Then you become a man, no pain, no gain. What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. So there's really no room
• 19:08
  to tap into our humanity. And that's another conversation that I believe that has led so many of us astray is that we get the sex piece, we got that, a lot of that. And as far as African Americans just running from one woman to another one, we got a lot of that from slave master. But what does it really mean to be intimate?
• 19:34
  to really lock in with your wife to the point where even during intimacy, sexual intercourse, she can be healed emotionally. Until a man is able to tap into his other emotions, tap into the gamut of emotions that was given to all humans,
• 19:55
  He only can tap into the strength, aggression, and the performance piece to protect her. That's a limited life. And that's why I had to fight to get out of it. That's why I came here. Cause I, everything you say, brother, it could be a mirror on you. You can grab it and turn it right to me. I gave you example. I ran, my wife gave me an ultimatum.
• 20:19
  took the ring off our border, say, here, let me know when you serious. Cause I was scared just like you. That's why I'm not judging you. Fear is real, but perfect love as it is written, cast out fear.
• 20:40
  The love I have for her and my daughter was greater than my fear of divorce, fear of picking the wrong one. Wow. So yeah, going down and getting to the real root. And I think that that last argument that this is for the children, you know, this is part of what...
• 20:59
  he's bringing up here. You have to think about your kids as part of the, your fear is really doing damage to them. And understanding how we are built emotionally, a big part of Jason's ministry is trying to help men be okay, being emotional creatures. And there is a lot of these,
• 21:20
  past trauma from things like wars, and he references slavery. So many of these scenes in the past that have traumatized men caused them to become emotionally shallow or completely emotionally hollow. And then interacting with their children and doing damage, that usually lasts three or four generations.
• 21:41
  And so trying to figure out how to heal that and bring these men back to life so that they can really bond with their wives. Such a beautiful description of what I feel like we need to be doing for each other as men, particularly older fathers like Jason, who have gone through so many of these things and come out the other side. All right. One last clip. And I want to play before I let you guys go. I could take the stance like she just don't understand how hard I'm working.
• 22:08
  Knowing the right thing to do and not doing it to him that is sin. Scripture said, don't let the sun go down on your wrath. She didn't come to me. We have a principle in our marriage. Someone has to always be willing to cross the line.
• 22:25
  I went to her because she went to bed before I did. I said, hey, can we pray? Got on my knees. She was laying in bed, put my arms around her. I say, I'm sorry, you know, for being impatient and hurting you. That's the difference. I failed in that moment. Recover, Cam. Recover, Cam. Recover. Jump on the ball that's in front of you now.
• 22:56
  And I'm here to help you walk through that, man. And that's my word. I receive that. You're going to have grace? I got to. I'm a product of it. Say last. I have three unbelievable mothers in my life. Shakia Proctor, Lorena Shaw, and Jasmine Brown. They all have a different version of me. And there's been countless women that have came into my life
• 23:26
  that were great to me and great for me, but my immaturity could not serve them or give them what they wanted. Respect. As I live life, the Bible says even if I had 10,000 tongues, I couldn't, and dare I compare, but I couldn't apologize.
• 23:51
  Real quick interject remember, because you said the Bible says about 10,000 tons. No, no. I'm just trying to follow you. That's all. There's, there's, you know, when people in church, they say, even if I had 10,000 tons, it could not be enough of thanks. I never heard that. You said the Bible. I'm sorry. I'm learning. Listen, I'm not in a position where I know everything. I don't. The Bible did not.
• 24:17
  Jason was not going to let that slide like that fake Bible verse. I say that. Okay. I'm just trying to, yeah, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just wanting to learn brother. Go ahead. I'm here. For me in my life, having the right person at the wrong time of your life. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.
• 24:43
  could cause some issues or discomfort. I've identified that. But I also understand too, with those three women in my life, I owe a responsibility. We owe a responsibility. Jazz is a person who I'm with.
• 25:05
  And she has offered something that is not to say that I've never had it. I don't think I've ever been receptive to it. Because in this world that we live in, it can be noisy. It can be loud. It can be promiscuous. It could be fottish. It could be holy and unholy.
• 25:30
  but also understanding that it takes grace. And I'm not saying that just to give me grace. There are certain things that she does. There's other things that other women, the mother of my children, they do, and it just can cause connection or friction. I say all that to say, we weren't even able to go down other things because we were stuck on marriage. Because of the weaponization from my part,
• 25:59
  of just really curious just of like how. That's what I'm most eager about our relationship growing. Do you mind sharing what she offered you that you haven't really experienced? Emotional availability. Expound, I'm listening. Okay, so when you got a lot, it's hard to really get a lot. I think I follow you.
• 26:29
  I ain't never lacked having access to women. Now you're being specific. Excellent. Hello. Yes, sir. But we all have vices.
• 26:42
  There's not one person that walked this God green earth that was perfect. We all have issues. Christ did not continue. Just he has so much respect for theology. You interjected before I could get to that. I don't know where you're going. Nobody knows. Hell, I don't need enough. I got it. But I think for me.
• 27:13
  Being emotionally available sometimes can be challenging for me, given what my responsibility is. Can I ask a question? Yes, sir. All right.
• 27:25
  When you say she's emotionally available? No, she is working on me to become... Oh, so you'll be emotionally available, and that's a... Not just for her. But in general? Just in general. Okay. We use this trigger word in our relationship. What's that? Be where your feet are. Hmm. All right.
• 27:46
  Well, that's good. You got a good woman. Just from that, her desire for you to be more emotionally available. My wife would tell you that maybe over 12 years,
• 28:00
  When I wasn't emotionally available, I was emotionally incarcerated. Because again, we conditioned as men, and you as an athlete, push through pain, don't let them see your weakness. And you know, I was taught by my brothers, never trust a woman. My father told me when I was, I told him I was gonna marry Nicole. He said, why the hell you wanna do that?
• 28:20
  So we don't know anything about being emotionally available because we've been conditioned to believe that if we are emotional, we're weak. I just encourage you, this is a great step for you. If you can trust her with your heart,
• 28:35
  Start baby steps. Say, hey, you know, I'd have a good day. And you know, just express that, get that off of your plate, you know, or your heart. Like tears, like when we don't cry, Dr. William Frey discovered that tears not only contain water, but also stress hormones. That's why when we cry, we feel a little better. Nicole wouldn't trade the man I am now for what I used to be. I'm still the lion, I'm still
• 29:05
  can be dangerous, and it can be challenging being my wife sometimes. I believe she's anointed to be my wife, because I can be difficult because of the weight of my calling.
• 29:15
  But for me to be, have someone I could come home to, where to say, yeah, I'm scared today because I gotta make this decision. And then what's beautiful about it is when she hears that, but then see me go through it. Now she sees a different man. So we think, you know, there can be no courage without fear. So you're gonna feel it. You know that, right? Listen, do you understand or no? I don't know what that face mean.
• 29:42
  There's no courage without fear. There we go. You ready? So ask me, what do I mean? I heard what you said. So ask me. I don't know what the facial expression means. So if you ask me what I mean by that, if there was a gunman in the vicinity and your children was in one room, you didn't know what he was, but you just got a text, you're going to feel fear.
• 30:11
  where my baby's at. What I'm saying is feel fear, but don't succumb to it. You feel it, now there's opportunity to be courageous because now here comes the action. Now run through that, kick them doors down, take bullets if I got to, to get my children back to me. That's the power of being a verbal processor.
• 30:36
  The really challenging thing he's trying to navigate is to affirm the vulnerability of Cam talking about his fear without affirming his sinful action that he is giving into the fear in order to not get married. And so that is such a tricky line that Jason's trying to walk here. When you can do it in real time.
• 31:01
  and fighting man. So a guy that's got one gear, all he want to try to be is tough. Same thing in life. We got more gears to manhood than just being masculine and strong. We gotta have that, because that's what gets us from being at a still position to keep moving. We need the masculinity to protect our family, to provide, to work hard, to be strong, assertive.
• 31:26
  What about the nurturing piece? Being a gentleman back to your question previous about being a nurturer. You got an opportunity. You got a woman that's like, Hey, I got one man, one man, right? Woman is an E the one man, the singular woman you were just talking about. So hold tight. Wait a minute. Yeah. So this woman who wants you to be more emotionally available.
• 31:53
  For you to say this publicly, she knows she's not the only one. What do you mean? You just said you have women, plural. Yeah, that impacts me, that question. OK, I'm sorry. See, that's why I love context. Thank you.
• 32:05
  I'm a thinking man. Like I said, I got three women in my life. So I didn't know where you were going. So I need that. Reset, because I got lost for a moment. Like I have relationships in regards. And when I say relationships, intimacy is not necessarily the sole beneficiary. I got it. I got it. Forgive me. Forgive me. And I think the immaturity sometimes for people is to hear relationships and they just assume like, oh. So I got lost because I thought you meant...
• 32:30
  Yeah. But so let's go back, let's reset. Yeah. All right. You got a woman, a good woman, who desires you to be emotionally open and will give you that space to be not vulnerable, but transparent. I want to say, make that clear. You don't want to ever be vulnerable. None of the men in here. If you're vulnerable, you're in a position where you can get harmed, killed or whatever. If a gunman came in here and we had no guns, we're vulnerable.
• 32:58
  What you want to be is emotionally open or transparent. If she's giving you that space, take it. Warning though, don't overload her. All right, guys, just wanted to play for you that absolute master class in fatherhood. I always look for these. Please send them to me if you've seen them. I think that this is one I've, I rarely see this level of fathering so many different layers. What you just saw him do there was just,
• 33:27
  constantly like not afraid to really say the hard things, but if he feels like maybe he's missing context to like ask questions, to reset the whole conversation every time, maybe he's pushing a little bit too hard in a direction that's actually not helpful. I mean, just like I learned so much from just studying this conversation. It was so helpful for me, hopefully for you guys too. So yeah, thanks so much for watching this, you guys. And definitely
• 33:52
  consider what it looks like to be exposed to just high, high skill fathering. And one of the things I love about this is just, you're seeing it between a, you know, two men and that's where most fathering is going to happen in your life. You're fathering your five-year-old, you're fathering your 10-year-old. You're going to spend most of your life as men fathering your adult children. And this is a great example of how to father an adult son.
• 34:18
  Thank you for listening to the Family Teams podcast. If you're enjoying this content or have learned something new, please make sure to leave a rating and review and share with a friend. To stay up to date with our events, new content, and products, you can follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Family Teams.