Latest / Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Don & Lisa Smith / Couples In A Crowd

Transcript

Couples In A Crowd · Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Don & Lisa Smith

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: What if marriage advice didn't have to feel like a lecture or a counseling session?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, welcome to a weekly coffee date for your marriage that we're calling Wedded Wednesday.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Pastor Don Smith along with my wife Lisa, and we are right there in the trenches with you.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: And this podcast takes the pressure off perfect and puts the focus on purposeful.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Our desire is to give you Bible-based tools to work on your marriage, not just in it.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: Each week we get real, we keep it lighthearted because marriage is hard enough without being stuffy.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: We want to leave you with one practical challenge to actually use before the next podcast.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Whether you're in a great season or barely holding on, I want you to pull up a chair, get a cup of coffee, and let's be intentional together.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody knows.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Until it's on there.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Until it's on there.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: The great thing, though, is on the podcast version I get to edit out that audio.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_03: I think we are live right now.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: We are live right now.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you should know that.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Be careful what you say.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's live.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's live.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: And we're waiting for a couple of peeps to log on here so we can get started with Wedded Wednesday.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: That's hilarious.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: We try to start with.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: You never know.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: So everybody kind of gets that rhythm of hey, it's nine o'clock.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Don and Lisa are gonna be live.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but Don and Lisa obviously don't know exactly when we go live.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: Technology.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_03: We're still trying to figure things out, I think.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's the thing though.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: See, like we we do this live.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: We record the video and the audio.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: Everything's live where most podcasters do everything.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: They record everything, then they edit, then they post.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: So you and I are actually editing on the on live.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're just going for it.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: We're there's no editing.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: If you guys don't know, if you're watching Wedded Wednesday, especially the vid the live video portion, it is raw.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's un I I love it that way.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: Now I think that there's a space for the editing.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, excuse me.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like that.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because I I think that marriage is that way.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: Raw.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: I think I think it's just raw.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think marriage is raw and it's unedited.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's unfiltered.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: And it it has those moments where you've got to go, oh, wait a minute.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that just happened.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so um that's that's kind of why I like Wedding Wednesday this way.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying that in the future we wouldn't do something that's edited and and those type of things.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Now, the the podcast version, the audio version that we put out, obviously I do a little bit of editing and that.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: But not for the Facebook Live because we just we want something that I think reflects, or else I do.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: I want something I think that reflects the true nature of just marriage in that moment.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's just that's just the way it is.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're looking for something super, super, super, super professional, uh that's that's not what we're doing with Wedded Wednesdays.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's not that we don't have the ability to do it.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_03: So you just like catching me off guard.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_03: I do.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: I I know I I think that it's it's pretty incredible.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: So well, you've always been the prankster that like to catch me off guard.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that's it's just that's what it is.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: Wedded Wednesday is just raw, it's unedited.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've got like a little bit of something put together, uh, and we just get a thought process, and then we just go through that.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: So today I want to talk about getting lost in the crowd.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: Oh.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_03: That's easy for me to do because I'm short.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's true.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: I literally have been no, I literally have been in a store uh before, and you and I went our separate ways, and then me come back and try and find you, and I literally couldn't find you because you're too short.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I am.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: I am too short.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: You know, sometimes you can look over the aisles and see the head of some of your pants.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, there they are.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, we go to one of Lisa's favorite shopping places is Ross, dress for less.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm gone.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: And and oh yeah, she loves that place.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: And you, you know, those they got bounced out.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: They got shorter aisles though, right?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: So like I'm like, oh, I can find her no problem.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: And and no, I not even in Ross Dress for Less.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: No, I'm like, I can't.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: I literally walked up behind a woman one time because I thought she was you, and I almost like poked her.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh, that's glad you didn't.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta be careful who you poke.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I think it would be it would it would be good today to talk about how marriage sometimes gets lost.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, what are your thoughts on this?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so there's a scripture in Matthew chapter six, verse thirty six that says, When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Marriages can feel harassed.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Don't you think?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_03: Especially by the husband who likes to poke, can he be a praised all the time?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: No, I think marriages can feel harassed by all kinds of things, problems, situations, circumstances.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: From a lot of outside sources, too.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um marriages can feel that way.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and then that can make marriages also feel helpless.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: How many times have you and I sat down with couples who walked in the room um and just completely felt helpless?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like most of the time.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they're in our office because they're just helpless.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: We we can't help ourselves.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: We don't know how to get out of this mess, those type of things.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh we've been there.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the issue.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the here's the issue.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: Marriage always involves two people.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_03: True.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: But you don't always get the participation of the and what happens is sometimes uh we can often look beyond our spouse and see the crowd.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Let me can I tell a little story?
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_03: Is it a personal story?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: It is a personal story.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_03: Oh boy, I don't know which story.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: So Lisa and I, if you don't know, most of you do know, but if you don't know, we we are senior pastors and uh the church has grown over the last few years uh to the blessing of the church and the community and people and and those type of things.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so um, you know, Lisa and I drive separate to church.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_03: And well you have to be here sometimes late early.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: Early for the elders' huddle, and sometimes I'm late going home.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: So we we drive separate to church and those type of things.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: So when I leave the house, what I do is I, you know, I kiss Lisa goodbye, said, Hey, I'll see you at church, those type of things, you know.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then I get to church on Sunday, and Sunday, I mean, for lack of a better term, it's it's a work day for me.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and you are a social person.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so are.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so what happened one Sunday morning was uh I'm greeting people like I normally do.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like I normally do.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, how you doing?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: Good to see you.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm moving on, moving on, moving on, moving on to the other uh person and those type of things.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: So there happened, Lisa was standing there one Sunday morning, and there was a lady on her left and a lady on her right.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: And I remember this very well.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, so do I for the meeting that happened afterwards.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: So what happened is I woke up and I greeted the lady on Lisa's left, and then I skipped Lisa.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: Didn't make eye contact, didn't say hello, and I greeted the lady on her right, and uh had good morning, good to see you, boom, boom, and I'm and I'm off, right?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm off to greet the next person.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, he was off all right.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so um, you know, I'm I thought it was a great day, great message.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: People responded to the Lord.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: It was a great Sunday.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: It was a great Sunday, and um, when I got home uh after church, I discovered that it was it wasn't, it wasn't such a great Sunday.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: Not for me.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: In that moment, what happened to Lisa is she felt like she got lost in the crowd.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I wasn't acknowledged, and that's I shared that with him.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_03: I said, you didn't acknowledge my presence even.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so I it wasn't intentional.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: No, and I understood that, but I also had to share with him.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_03: But it was a truth that hey, just because I think even more important around people, you need to acknowledge your spouse.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and that's why I want to talk about this today, because I think sometimes spouses can get lost in the crowd.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, for me, I thought, well, I I spoke to you this morning, I told you I love you, all those things, and and I'm I'm working.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, somebody.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm doing what a pastor's supposed to do, loving, greeting people, and those type of things.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: But in that moment, what happened is uh Lisa got lost in the crowd.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and we we did have a we had a we had a good discussion.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was a good discussion.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: It it may not have After I made my feelings known and in a very loud way.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, maybe cabinet.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe that maybe maybe that doesn't uh maybe that doesn't apply to everyone situationally.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: But I think that spouses sometimes can get lost in the crowd.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know what happens is maybe one spouse can get lost in the crowd of children.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: Or one spouse can get lost in the crowd of a workaholic, or one spouse can get lost in the crowd of friends or hobbies.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, or uh you know what I'm talking about.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, or addictions.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_03: Other things get come before the spouse.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Anything that comes before the spouse is what the crowd is representing.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: And not that you can't have hobbies, not that you can't have friends.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I was about to say.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's like like not what I was doing on Sunday was bad.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_03: No, it wasn't a bad thing.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't a bad thing at all.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I was doing my job.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: I was, I was, and I'm trying, and I want to be a good pastor.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: I want people to know I recognize that you were here, and I spoke to you.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: And and afterwards, my wife was like, I but I'm one of those people too.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Lisa was like, I I I'm one of those people.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't I don't want her exact words were I'm tired of getting lost in the crowd.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: And and I think that that's relative in a lot of ways, because see, what happens is our attention can swell to other things.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and it's easy to do.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I'm saying.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's so easy to do, even if it's not malicious.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: So let's say bad behavior like addictions, okay, or uh hobbies.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Those those things that can be bad behavior to leave your spouse out, okay?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: That that can really be bad behavior, but even good things.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: Good things can children are not a bad thing.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: Matter of fact, the Bible says that blessed is a man whose quiver is full, right?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: Children are the inheritance of the Lord, is what the scripture says.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: But oftentimes spouses can get lost in the crowd of children because they demand the attention of the other spouse so much and you feel like you get left out.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of things.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: So this doesn't have to be, well, you you can fix the answer or you can fix the problem with the answer of, well, just don't do bad things.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: But the crowd's not always bad.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: Here, Jesus doesn't say the crowd was bad.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: He said he had compassion on them because they were harassed and helpless.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: He he had, they were without a shepherd.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like he said, Well, it's a it's a bad thing.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually this place was a good thing.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so what happens is our attention, our compassion, and those types of things can swell to those around us.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: And our greatest opportunity to show love and compassion might not always be the crowd.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's good.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: It's the truth.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_03: We've said before, it's it's easier to um be kind to a stranger than it is to our own spouse.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_03: And most of the time, if we're being honest, we're probably sitting next to each other on a couch, but not communicating at all.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, just if you want to gauge that statement, Lisa just made it easier to be kind to a stranger.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: The next time you talk to a stranger, notice your tone.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: Notice your manners.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: Uh no uh and then the next time you're just like casually talking to your spouse.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Notice your tone.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Notice your manners.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_03: And I think it's because we're so comfortable.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_03: And it's a good thing we're comfortable and we let our guards down around our spouse.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_03: But tone matters too.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_03: With them.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_03: And I know I'm not the most perfect with my tone sometimes.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: I can be kind of harsh.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_03: But I I was just telling someone the other day, I said, Yeah, Don knows when I'm pretty upset because he says I get really polite.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, she does.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Polite is is like extreme polite.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I said, and they said, Well, what do you mean?
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_03: I said, like, if he's in the kitchen out in my way, I go, move.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: Move.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's she's fine.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: She's fine.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_03: You know.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_03: I said, when I'm upset, I go, excuse me.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: Excuse me.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Or pardon me.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: Pardon me.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oh what?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Who who it was it me?
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, who made you, you know what I'm saying?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, was it me?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: Was it somebody else?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_03: So, so see, even that, people would think, oh, well, being polite, polite words is a good thing, but he noticed the tone more than the words, I think.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: So to it.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes when we travel, here's an instance for us.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: We'll just use this as an illustration.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes when we're the best example.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, sometimes when we travel, I I would like to just fly, get there fast, and be uh at the destination, do the thing.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, as but used to, used to, Lisa would prefer to drive.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: And we would like drive 12 hours or 16 hours, 12 hours to South Carolina, or 16 hours to Florida.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: And and I'll be like, let's just fly.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: We just get there and we're done.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: And Lisa's like, no, I would rather drive.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, why?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: And she says, because that's the only time I get to be alone with you.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, there's I mean, you can still take a phone call and stuff like that, but people don't have as easy access to you when you're driving.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: Here, here's the thing, right?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um Tony said, Did you just call someone else short?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: That was way perfect.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, the the the thing is, this is something I don't think anyone ever masters.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because life demands, like the crowd is never going away.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I don't know anyone who's perfect at any scenario.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: So, married people, the crowd's never gonna go away.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: But you even practice.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so I was thinking about, all right, this morning I was thinking about Tim and Lynette.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh boy.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: Because like uh Corey just got married, Tyler's married, Amy's married, they got one left, Cody's left at home.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I was thinking, man, pretty soon they're gonna be empty nesters.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: And and I then I thought instantly about us, and I'm like, well, we've been empty nesters for years.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: But the crowd has never gone away.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: And this is what I'm saying, like maybe the maybe the crowd is representing things shift.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: Let's ask this question in your marriage, what does the crowd represent?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: And how do you and your spouse deal with the demands of the crowd so that one of you doesn't get lost in the crowd?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm very extrovert, okay?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I'm people in the room energize me.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Lisa's the introvert.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: Neither one of those are a bad thing or a good thing, okay?
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's just a personality type.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: And the and the sooner you figure that out, the better off you're gonna be.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: Don't take it personal.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's not.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's just who you are.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so Lisa's the introvert.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: So crowds in a room exhaust her.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm great with smaller crowds.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: So um I I can Lisa can get lost in a crowd.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_03: I probably get lost in a crowd a lot easier than you would.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: And uh that then is on me.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: I've got to think about how do I make sure Lisa doesn't get lost, not just because she's short, Tony.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_03: I remember, well, since we're talking about stuff way back when, and I remember we we went somewhere, and um me being the introvert and not knowing a lot of people at all, and my husband, the extrovert, he's going around shaking hands, and I literally was left back.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I had to tell him later on, you left me.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, and it was true.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: I I didn't do it intentionally.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_03: I said, I know no one here.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_03: I said, or you didn't introduce me to this person, and I feel like I'm just a shadow.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: We were just in we were just in Florida at um some friends of ours.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_03: I changed things when I expressed with him that.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for sure.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: We uh but it happened again, it happened.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: See, you never master it.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: We were just in Florida at some friends of ours church.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: So shout out Holmes Valley Community Church uh and um Josh and Cody Boyette and doing a fantastic job there, and we were the guest speakers on a Sunday morning, right?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so we get to church, and and while I believe that we know most of those people, not intimately, but and most of those people know us just because of the years, uh, we still don't know those people personally.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: But like I'm walking around the room greeting people like I've known them for years, and that afterwards in the afternoon, Lisa was like, you you act like you know those people.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like you you're just like I can't do that.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean that now she was greeting people, she was talking to people, but she's like, I'm just not that person.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: I can't like, I can't like do that.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: How do you do that?
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, I don't, I don't know, you know.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: But see, that's an that's an illustration this morning that I think is very powerful.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Listen to this, Wedded Winston Peeps.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, God intends for us to show great compassion in to in to people around us.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, but he intends for us to show a greater compassion in our marriages.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: I believe so.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: And and let's pay attention to the crowd that's demanding our attention personally, and and let's make sure that our spouses aren't getting lost in the crowd.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_03: Well, what do you do when you feel like your spouse is getting lost in the crowd, or you find out that your uh your spouse feels that they're lost in the crowd, but you perfect don't see that.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: Perfect.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_03: What do you do then?
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think that when people feel that way, the the thing we want to do, I I tend to do it to you is well, that's not the way you should feel.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's the way she feels.
• 20:11
  unknown: Yes.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: Now uh to my feelings when when you say that.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and and so to understand um i is a is a key, I think, in that moment.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like why did you feel lost in that moment?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: What was my ro what do you think was my role in helping you not get lost in that moment?
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think you just continue to have conversations because it's for some reason or another, the spouse is feeling less than the crowd.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: And that I think is the issue.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: Not not whether it was intentional, but I'm feeling less than the crowd.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: And your spouse should be the one who feels um more than the crowd in that moment.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and I so the crowd isn't a bad thing unless it is, if it represents something that is bad addictions, bad behaviors.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Those things need to be dealt with, okay?
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: And those are crowds that aren't are not needed, they should be done away with.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: But there are crowds that are good in your life, um, but none of them should be better than your spouse or more than your spouse.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_03: Or put above your spouse.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: The point, oh, there you go, or put above your spouse.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: The point of today is um it's a legitimate thing that spouses get lost in the crowd.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: And uh it can be children.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like we've known people who've just stayed married uh because children, and then when the children are gone, they they have no relationship whatsoever.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, you're you're married 30 years and all of a sudden they're divorced.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, what what how could that happen?
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um and you know, uh for us, obviously it can be ministry, uh, you know, and there are always people around uh for sure.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um and we we love it that way.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because we're in ministry, but the truth of the matter is it's a crowd that we need needs to be dealt with in our personal life.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's work, maybe it's whatever in your life, hobbies of those type of things.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: Jesus loved the people.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: The Bible is clear about that.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_03: But he even needed to step back.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: And he he rides into Jerusalem.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: And actually, I've been there.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: I want to take you there.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: I've been there and walked down the road that he rode into Jerusalem on.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's an incredible thing.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um and he he rides in and he looks over these people who've been following him and he saw humans who were hurting.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so the crowd is legitimate.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: The crowd is important.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, it's there.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's never going away.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: But the truth of the matter is, as I stood on that road and imagine the crowd that must have been there that day as Jesus rode into Jerusalem, there is no way even Jesus could have met all the needs in that crowd.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: So this is why I'm saying the crowd is there, but you're never going to be able to meet all the needs of the crowd.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: But you can meet the need of your spouse.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_03: Amen.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: And when your spouse is saying the crowd, I got lost in the crowd, they're not really criticizing you, maybe.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe they're just declaring I have a need, and you're the only person who can meet it.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes they don't know how to navigate through the crowd.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what I'm saying.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_03: Because of their personality or insecurities or whatever.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_03: And they need a little help.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: And and and it this has been true when you and I are walking through a thick crowd in a in a foreign country or something.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I've and I've said to her, hey, put your finger in my belt loop and just come.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: Because she's like, oh, the crowd is so big.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, no, just come.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and uh we can't get separated.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_03: No, because he wouldn't be able to find me.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: You're too small.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um let me let's ask this question.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: Are you are we sensitive to our spouse's needs and hurts?
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: And if we're not, it'll be easy for them to get lost in the crowd.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's true.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: So how do they not get lost in the crowd?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: Let's pay attention to how we can be more sensitive to their needs, to their hurts, um, and see how we can reach out to each other uh individually as to our spouse with compassion and with understanding, uh, especially when they feel like the crowd has overwhelmed them.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: I I think that's part of what I just wanted to talk about to them.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I think if we said it last week, being intentional.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: And being intentional is all the more important when there's a crowd.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's a lot of work too.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and that can be overwhelming for you when you've not been intentional to all of a sudden trying to be intentional.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_03: It can be overwhelming for, you know, both parties here.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_03: One's not used to the intentionality, and the other one's, you know, it may be overwhelming, but just do it.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_03: I love it.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_03: At least that's a good overwhelming, I think, being intentional.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what we have today, right?
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: The crowd's never going away, even if it's good.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, if it is a bad crowd, that's a different podcast.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: I think.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and we can talk about that as well.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: But hopefully this helped you a little bit.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: It resonated a little bit with you as a husband and a wife.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: And do do that, right?
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, make sure you have a conversation about what do you think the crowd is in our marriage?
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_01: How about that?
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_03: Watch your tone.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: Let's pray for them.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: Lord, thank you for your example of love and compassion towards people.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but we want to make sure that we extend that love to all people, especially our spouses, so that they don't get lost in the crowd.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_03: Father God, I just thank you, Lord, for each couple.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_03: Lord, and I pray that you continue to bond them together with a unity that no man can interfere with, Father God.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_03: And that their relationship with you is the thing that everyone sees when they first come in contact with them, Father God.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_03: And I thank you, Lord, that we never get lost in the crowd with you.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's good.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_03: And Father God, I just thank you that you give us eyes to see our spouses with the same eyes that you have, with compassion, love, and mercy.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_03: Amen.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_03: I thank you for it in Jesus' name.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, do us a favor.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, like, share, subscribe.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: Do all the things, okay?
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever it is that you get your podcast and that you listen to it, and just subscribe and follow Wedded Wednesday with Don and Lisa.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, that will help us uh rate the podcast on those platforms that have helped the algorithm.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then share it on your social media.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: You can share this live, or you can share the audio form, or you can share both.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then you can think about hey, if this has helped you and you'd like to help us continue to help other people, there are some links in the show notes uh to tell you how to do that and support the show.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: You can buy us a sweet tea and a little Debbie snack cake if you like.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's great.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: We love you guys.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for your support.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: Here's what we want you to do: we want you to sit down with your spouse this week and look them in the eye and ask them what is the crowd in our marriage?
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: And how do we keep each other from not getting lost in the crowd?
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's good, right?
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for being here this week.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: We love you guys, and we will see you next week.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: God bless.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.