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Smugglers and Pocket Sand ep 1 Re-edit · The Frostworn Oath

0:32
All right, everybody ready? So I got 4 things.
0:36
You ready? Don't be confused, Landon.
0:38
It's going to be OK. Baby steps.
0:39
We walk you through this. Another one.
0:41
Just decided to make this session super hard for you.
0:43
What? Yeah.
0:45
All right, so in ELT Hollow, sea freezes before the sun rises,
0:51
the ale can melt it again, and the law arrives 2 days late.
0:55
You guys are in El Hollow and Barelios sounds so familiar.
1:01
A Hardy fishing village carved into the frozen cliffs of the
1:06
Frost Haven coast. Smoke curls from crooked
1:09
chimneys, ice creeks beneath the Piers.
1:12
Locals speak in half whispers can serve warmth and secrets
1:15
alike. Because Winter has a comp.
1:19
It is the year of the year. It's the month of frost Mere.
1:21
There you go. The people of Eldon Hollow.
1:24
You guys aren't heroes. You're survivors.
1:26
And newcomers who arrive here tend to stay, for better or
1:30
worse. All right, so it's early
1:32
morning. You guys are all in Eldon
1:34
Hollow. As always.
1:36
It's very chilly out the snows come.
1:38
The freeze has come. Father Ostrich has.
1:41
Come. Father Ostrich has indeed come.
1:44
That's where. That's how he gets his pocket
1:46
sand. Why does it sound like fapping
1:57
out? Hollow's actually in a very
1:59
cheery mood right now. Today, for once, it's market
2:02
day. Fishermen are haggling.
2:04
There's a bunch of stuff going on.
2:06
Kids are running around playing with chasing the hounds and this
2:09
and that, and the hounds are chasing them now.
2:11
They're beating. They're beating them, beating
2:13
them off, and the wind smells like brine and cider smells.
2:18
You know the smell? Can you smell it?
2:20
No. Salty ostrich.
2:22
Father Ostrich, can you bless the net so we have a good
2:24
harvest? We're going to try and get as
2:25
much fish into the town as we can.
2:29
God damn it, old man. What are you here for?
2:31
Not to bless these things. No.
2:36
OK. Bless net Name Sheridan.
2:39
Amen. Martin Sheridan.
2:42
Thanks, appreciate it again. You know what?
2:45
Give me roll their religion check Where does.
2:51
Religion go with wisdom. It's intelligence.
2:53
Oh, intelligence. Oh. 7.
2:58
You do your thing and they're like, yeah, thanks.
2:59
And they start moving things around.
3:00
You see, when the net starts to fray, they don't notice it at
3:04
that time. No way, you're on the docks
3:12
right now. You're overseeing some stuff.
3:15
Go down, they're willing and a bunch of cargo and you know,
3:19
maybe, maybe you're twiddling a coin or two, letting it fall
3:23
through your fat stubby starfish like fingers that I didn't.
3:29
Look to the ring Dog hands does that.
3:33
There's one of the dock hands is moving some stuff.
3:35
He's just taking a break and he overhears you and he's just
3:38
like, hey. Why was that?
3:44
Saying good. In one of the TikTok videos, I'm
3:49
sorry, one of the TikTok videos, Wes hits them and nobody just
3:53
goes hell. All right, give me a perception
3:58
check. Oh yeah, no, no roll AD 20 with
4:03
a wisdom. I need to get to see if sports
4:04
gone. Hey tell me I plus my what?
4:09
With. There's literally 2 pieces left.
4:12
All right, fine, let me get a slice I.
4:19
Said 8/18/18. Yeah, 18 oh 18.
4:24
What's your What's your? What's your wisdom score?
4:26
So my wisdom, yeah. Your wisdom's 5.
4:29
My wisdom's five, and then I rolled a 13.
4:33
So if your wisdom's five, yeah. Oh, yeah.
4:36
Yeah, you just said it. Thank you.
4:38
But that signifies every time you roll over any kind of
4:40
reservation check, you get a -, 2 to that.
4:43
Role so what'd you get now with your role?
4:47
You actually do kind of you know, you're inspecting
4:49
everything, you're watching the cargo move around and you do
4:53
actually see that there's some guys causing a little commotion
4:57
down at the end. You just over here like you
5:00
don't you don't physically hear what they're saying, but you
5:03
just reading it, you can tell it.
5:05
There's like a bit of an argument, some uncomfortableness
5:07
down at the end of the dock next to a ship with that unless
5:12
there's anything else you want to do there.
5:15
There you go. So you're actually down at I
5:23
forgot what you're beast yards. Anyway, you're over at the Beast
5:26
Yards, and it just so happens that you're just wrestling with
5:29
some of your doggies and they're not being orderly right now.
5:33
They killed a chicken, those motherfuckers, and they're one
5:37
of your helpers. She comes running up to you.
5:39
She's like a little daughter to you.
5:41
She's not yours, though. You adopted her.
5:43
And she's just like, are we going to go eat now?
5:45
Because I'm really fucking hungry.
5:46
She's got a mouth on her. I'm supposed to respond to her?
5:49
Yeah, I'll. Match her.
5:51
And so I'll say like, fine, yeah, what you're paying.
5:56
I don't have any money. I'm a child, you said.
5:58
You take care of me. How?
6:00
Are you going to work for? It she just pouts, OK, I think I
6:09
have some money that you gave me last month and you're going to
6:13
follow her off to the end. So you follow her off to the
6:19
end. Very nice kind of you.
6:21
That's great that Valeo, Valeo, Valeo there you go off to the
6:26
distance in El Hollow got that little nice little red in there
6:29
a little keep, a little tent a little a little shack.
6:33
As a stranger from Matheris, you kind of just have been lingering
6:37
about, not sure where your next mark is going to come from, but
6:40
you're always just waiting for trouble and hoping you can make
6:43
a dive off of it. There's.
6:44
One thing I know fucking cold out here.
6:48
Your shack is not admittable to the best source of heat so you
6:53
do spend a lot of your time going to the Hush Net Inn.
6:55
It's one of the biggest providers of drink.
6:57
It's also where you get majority of your meals from that you
7:00
don't waste your bullets and kill yourself.
7:02
Want to be heading there? I do like to quiz it.
7:05
You don't have any companions, you're by yourself.
7:15
Sorry, I just literally pictured him down like that in the shack.
7:17
I love you, Mama. So you head to the end as well.
7:22
All right, heading to the end, all this commotion, everything's
7:25
going on. Pretty in here.
7:26
Pretty in here. I like that.
7:34
Time goes on, very little bit passes.
7:37
Everybody's starting to get a bit hungry.
7:38
Maybe they want to drink. Rum.
7:43
The naway you all wound up making your way down to the hush
7:46
net as soon as you start to get there.
7:48
Now, we never established who knows who, if anybody, if any of
7:51
y'all know each other. I imagine at least the three of
7:53
you know each other. If y'all been in this town for a
7:56
while, y'all. Yeah, surely you know.
8:01
I'm the priest the. Same thing he.
8:05
Touched me. I love his orderly baby.
8:15
She'll scared me. No wonder he's a ditty.
8:19
He was grinned. Wonder he's a ditty shark.
8:29
So you all make your way again. It's a bustling environment
8:36
right now. It's a very happy morning and
8:39
just it hasn't even reached noon head yet.
8:42
It's just it's an adventurous, just happy go time amongst this,
8:46
the three of you, Dera Nanawe and Father Ostrich.
8:50
You all recognize each other as you all kind of just convalesce
8:54
right there at the entrance to the hushnet in and you give me a
9:00
perception check 221313. So that's plus one.
9:08
So you unknowingly bump into a hat wearing tilt to the side man
9:17
that you haven't really seen before.
9:20
Maybe seen him around, but you don't know him.
9:22
And this voluptuous fatty with a Batty Batty with a fatty ass.
9:30
She's a fat girl. With a little.
9:32
She's a fatty with a fat ass, slams into you as she was about
9:38
to make her way into the Hush Net Inn, as were you.
9:42
And this is how you all say hello.
9:44
Fine. What?
9:49
Do you say I keep forgetting about the damn Japanese me ha
9:54
me? Now take your data.
9:57
What? Holy shit, holy shit.
10:03
Hi giving me. Bartender Oh, I am a boy, but I
10:11
don't remember being a cow. Nobody's trying to milk me in a
10:14
while, so I suppose not. That's strange and I was tried
10:20
to milk you lately. A really weird Christian town.
10:24
I'm going to. Push past everybody.
10:26
Get out of my way. I'm going to miss happy hour.
10:32
As you go to burst through the door, you get shoved to the
10:35
ground as two men. No, thank God you get shoved to
10:41
the ground. I'm coming home, Louise.
10:49
So the moment you try and go through the door, they come
10:53
busting open themselves and two men come rushing out.
10:58
Not, not not running per SE. Sorry, I misworded that.
11:01
They they just at a steady click.
11:03
They're just moving and we're late.
11:06
Come on, got to get the crazy board now.
11:08
And they start making their way back towards the docks.
11:15
Deep, deep. Do you?
11:16
Focus it. Please.
11:20
Do it. Please do it.
11:22
Just follow the ground as I hit the ground and they're running
11:27
past you do it, roll your tack. What would this be?
11:36
Base Dexton. Strength because it's 5.
11:39
They're they're even if you were on the ground, I'm going to say
11:42
it's within 5 feet. When would they make it safe?
11:46
It's they're just safe for it, but get to roll, roll it and you
11:51
can use your your attack or I mean you use your strength or
11:56
tax because it's so close. Look at this. 18 shit.
12:01
OK. All right.
12:03
And they're within close proximity, so you get both
12:07
throw. Me on the ground and get what
12:11
you get all. Right, let's see if they can do
12:13
anything about it. What'd you get?
12:15
18. Hey, one got 18, so 1's just
12:22
like what the hell? And he just moves right out of
12:24
the way and his buddy's like what?
12:27
And he just stops dead in his tracks.
12:28
Fucking. Bitch.
12:32
I'd like to imagine that his pocket sand is just a fresh drop
12:34
dried semen. I think we made that joke
12:37
earlier and that I guess it's sticking.
12:39
What? Is this what is this?
12:44
I make sure I do that smell. I make sure there's very fine
12:46
shreds of glass mixing my pocket sand.
12:49
Save that for later with a mortal quarter pesto all out.
12:52
You temporarily blinded me temporarily, bitches.
12:55
Forever. This is a weird freeze, so So
13:02
the one guy moves out of the way, the other guy gets blasted
13:04
in the face with the pocket sand and he's just like.
13:07
Oh God. And he's stunning confused now.
13:10
The other guy's just like old man.
13:11
What the hell is wrong with you? You push me on the ground, you
13:15
get what you get through my head belt.
13:16
Fucking bitch give me a SO. He's just like, sorry about that
13:32
old timer. Come on you fucking dumb ass.
13:35
And he grabs a hold of the guy that's like.
13:39
What is this man? And he starts dragging him and
13:42
leaving. He kind of busts through the
13:45
group of y'all and starts heading towards the docks blind.
13:49
1. Dex disadvantage.
13:55
Disadvantage. He rolled a 19.
13:57
Let's see. There you go.
13:58
That's more like it. What'd you get?
14:00
I. Got 13.
14:06
Come on, man. Jesus, Allison.
14:09
He falls straight to the ground. I'm.
14:12
Still obviously no. Sorry about that.
14:15
I seem to have left something out there.
14:17
I want to hear this. Guy smell like him and at this
14:22
point you sons of bitches have got a fucking problem, huh?
14:25
And he draws out his dagger and let's roll initiative.
14:32
I wouldn't have fired you, you know.
14:35
How do you tell me your initiative?
14:36
Roll me an intimidation check. Oh God, I have my sister.
14:40
I hope I roll. Nah, what'd you get?
14:44
Kind of 1. OK.
14:46
Roll Initiative. Which initiative is DEX based?
14:50
Yeah, hang on, hang on. I rolled in that 1 -, 2.
14:55
I got a -1. So here's how we do initiative
14:57
14. OK, so you have a + 2 to dex
15:01
abilities. So you roll AD 20, add 2 to
15:04
whatever number you rolled, and that's your initiative.
15:07
Just going around this way. 16 total I.
15:09
Got a 13. 3 total. What's your?
15:14
What's the? Abbreviation for initiative.
15:22
It's a sorry, I never knew there was one for initiative.
15:25
Yeah, Hang. On Yeah, I'm just gonna go to
15:28
DND. There you go, Nish nish.
15:34
No, it's just right. Hey.
15:36
Man, we're in it. Real initiative, we're in it.
15:47
It's. Only two of them.
15:49
It's there's, there's, there's four y'all.
15:50
One of them's partially blinded, right?
15:53
One of those partially blinded has disadvantage on everything
15:56
I. Think that you are forgetting
15:58
somebody. What about his rat?
16:05
Did you bring your panda baby rat?
16:07
To the face. We have to establish.
16:11
I know you told me what it was, but what is it?
16:13
No. It's.
16:14
Koala. Holy fuck that's a woolly koala.
16:16
Would not survive out here. OK, wait, fat rat.
16:19
And does it also wait? No wait, Woolly would also have
16:22
chlamydia. Definitely.
16:26
Koalas have chlamydia. They they all, they all carry
16:29
chlamydia. Yeah, they're actually running.
16:31
On That's probably how somebody fucked a koala and that's why
16:34
everybody started getting chlamydia.
16:35
Yeah, they were working on vaccinating that.
16:38
Oh, here's me fucking knew it. All right, what what's what's
16:44
your, I know what your initiative was, but what's your
16:46
dex mod again? 2 + 2 All right, so.
16:50
You rolled it, now one. Yeah, but he still goes before
16:53
the other guy that rolled A3. You're fucking blind, idiot, all
16:58
right? So guy that just drew his dagger
17:00
goes 1st and he's going to go for.
17:03
I thought that would be between me and I get.
17:06
Stabbed. Oh wait, yeah, no, you were
17:07
closest. You were one of the closest ones
17:08
to the door. So now he's going to go for you.
17:13
Smart, smug ass motherfucker. And he stabs you for three
17:16
damage. No, I'm almost dead.
17:19
Almost as a cow. Are you still up?
17:21
I got two hit points. Nice.
17:24
All right, that it is Father Austrich Sam.
17:28
Father Austrich Sam. Father Austrich, Sir.
17:31
Stand up with my ritualistic dagger.
17:52
So you got to stab and he's just like, stop it.
17:56
I threw my hip out. Stop it.
18:05
You can. Loser 17 Oh my God.
18:14
Serious 17 Yeah. I mean, yeah, you hit him.
18:26
What was the DCI? Forgot it.
18:27
I say 12 determined the DC. But I'm going to shoot him 12.
18:30
Alright fine, DC is a 12. I'm going to re roll it.
18:35
What is it with you and this? Bitch.
18:43
So now they're both blinded. Can't see me, can't see me.
18:48
Alright, you son of a bitch, David.
18:53
You gave me. Bonus action Fuck it, it's a
18:57
bonus action. He.
18:58
Just looks down in my pockets like this you.
19:04
Gonna throw the net on them. All right, so at this distance,
19:08
you can use Strength or decks because they're within 10 feet
19:12
of you. OK, so +2, Wait.
19:16
Yeah, +2. So roll the big roll the D20.
19:20
Oh my. God. 14 + 216 all right, I mean
19:26
that yeah, that fucking hits them.
19:28
So now that I knew you know that one, that's DC-12.
19:31
So let's see. OK, so your net wait, which one
19:41
were you going for? The one that the one that the
19:43
one that's on the ground. OK, so.
19:48
What the fuck is wrong? With you, and then all of a
19:50
sudden, what the fuck is it that he trips over that and he falls
19:53
because he got a net one to get out of it.
19:57
So they're both on the ground blinded once in a net.
20:03
Yeah, it is. It is the Nalway's turn.
20:06
Yeah. Wait, 'cause you're through the
20:07
net. Yeah.
20:08
Oh, wait. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
20:09
It's your turn. You're a numbered order.
20:12
Love you. Fuck off.
20:17
Since they're both knocked down and I don't know how you can
20:20
have three kinds of disadvantage on on your attacks, but
20:23
technically that's what they would have right now.
20:25
So I'm going to back up 10 feet. I'm going to lean against the
20:28
bar. You backed up all the way into
20:32
the Hushnet in. Yeah, so I'm sorry.
20:35
So so so Vallejo. All of a sudden the doors kicked
20:39
back into the Hushnet in. Like, just far enough to like,
20:43
open the door. I'm going to look back, get my
20:45
fucking whiskey ready. Glue backs into the doors,
20:49
everybody's seated around and everything just sees him holding
20:52
the back of him as he's like holding his gut and just says
20:55
that. And then era, Era, you know,
21:02
Era, she's been the one serving you the food and everything.
21:04
She runs the end. She's just like, Oh yeah, you're
21:07
going to fuck somebody up in here.
21:08
And somebody done fucked me up. You got any of that special
21:11
healing shit? I got you when you get back.
21:16
All. Right, sounds good.
21:21
Lose his hip senses again. His hip senses.
21:25
I didn't know his fucking hip to begin with.
21:28
Liar. Did you say E equals MC squared?
21:35
I don't think that's going to do.
21:38
I have advantage you have. Advantage.
21:41
He's flanked. Prone, you have advantage.
21:47
You roll the first time you have advantage, so doesn't matter.
21:52
So it's that's 2D64. D6 I mean.
21:55
Well, I was just because, Oh yeah, you're doing Chris for
21:57
you. I forgot oh so OK.
21:59
Is it double damage or roll? Let's establish establish this
22:03
right now. Do you guys just want to do
22:05
double damage or do you guys want to do crit confirm?
22:09
If it confirms you can do like, something special happens.
22:14
I thought it was going to be. Between but if you don't confirm
22:17
then it's just exploding die I. Assumed there was going to be.
22:21
Exploding die is so basically. If you roll the Max on your
22:25
damage. You can reroll, yeah, and you
22:27
can keep. Reroll keep going to don't roll
22:30
Max damage. I assumed there was going to be
22:31
the double damage or just roll the double amount of dice.
22:34
So instead of 2D6, I'll take the 46.
22:37
Gonna do a confirm. Yeah.
22:38
All right, so it basically if it would hit again, a 15 would hit
22:43
again, so you get a special. Still doubled orders.
22:46
Huh. Yeah.
22:53
OK, 11. 11/12/12 So here's your special.
22:57
He gets a + 3. No, I'm sorry.
23:00
Yeah, he gets a + 3. Holy shit, He just got a six for
23:06
his save. All right, tell me how you kill
23:09
this man. Pocket Sans.
23:17
Stumble back out of the door, just slightly holding my liver
23:20
still. Motherfucker.
23:24
How's your coat, bitch? Just so literally, he's on the
23:29
ground, he tripped, he's on his side, and then all of a sudden
23:36
his eyeballs just go bye bye as the whole front of his face
23:40
explodes outwards. I'm I'm in front of this guy,
23:43
right? Yeah.
23:44
Am I covered in blood? Yes.
23:53
Spit some blood. It's just like 20 years ago.
23:56
I spit some blood to fall back. I.
23:59
Should go. I should call.
24:04
Her the guy on the ground. Buddy buddy you should wipe your
24:10
face. I think your friends on it.
24:11
Jesus, OK, I'm going give me an intimidation check.
24:14
I'm. Going to pull out some pockets
24:16
and put it in always pocket 15. What?
24:21
What did you do to every? I didn't stutter.
24:27
Damn, I don't want any trouble, I'm just trying to get back to
24:29
my ship. Holy fuck if it's dead.
24:32
Your friend stabbed me in the fucking liver.
24:34
You don't want trouble. I got blinded, I didn't see
24:36
anything. I knocked over some old man fuck
24:39
you. Sounds like you deserved.
24:41
It hungry oh shit, oh shit I mean it is your turn.
24:55
He can't even. He can't even try and get clear
24:57
of it until. That's a strength.
25:03
Yeah, so. 17. 17 to bite that's that that's a success roll your
25:11
1D8 plus strength mod component section bucket set plus what
25:16
plus a strength mod, 4 damage total, but still so, so you're
25:23
going to so give me a, another strength check because not only
25:26
are you biting them and you just dealt 4 damage to them with that
25:29
bite, but if you're going to try and eat him, then go ahead and
25:32
give me a strength check kid, did you beat a 13?
25:36
So he's grappled in your mouth and if you want to go through
25:39
with this, he's going to, he's going to attempt, it's his turn
25:43
now. He's going to attempt to free
25:45
himself and he has a disadvantage on every fucking
25:48
thing. So, so well, can't get any worse
25:56
than that. I can it almost got worse than
25:58
that I. Said that one.
26:00
So he he's he is literally this far into your mouth.
26:04
You're a little guy, but no, you're big enough.
26:07
Every big guy has shark mouth. So he is halfway into your mouth
26:12
and with that it is he's dead ostrich there's.
26:18
No one else has the log. I mean, there's the guy that's
26:22
still alive in his mouth. I'm.
26:24
Grab, let me grab my corner staff and stop pushing him down.
26:29
I'm going to finally notice that there's a shark man out there.
26:34
Please say something. Good, So hot.
26:37
Sweet. That's a big fish.
26:43
Thank you for translating. That's not what that meant.
26:45
That may hop down. Yeah, I mean, you can assist
26:48
them get this done with the assist.
26:50
Give me another bite attack. I mean, there is no bite attack.
26:54
Just roll your damage, 6 total. I'm just going to go ahead and
26:58
call this. I mean I can roll my damage for
27:00
the quarter staff too. Oh yeah, do that.
27:02
What does the quarter? Staff do D8D8 if you're holding
27:05
it with two hands D. 6 obviously plus decks, right?
27:11
Plus your strength plus. Strength.
27:13
OK, it says 5. So.
27:16
So you put the nail in the coffin and then just God damn
27:23
it. As I pull my quarter step out,
27:24
I'm going to pat him on the head.
27:26
You're. Just.
27:31
Going to. Start rubbing it in the dirt.
27:34
Oh my God, you guys are monsters.
27:44
As all this is going on, you feel a hand tugging at your
27:48
furs. David, David, Miss David.
28:03
So David's right there like this little girl.
28:09
'S like I'm. Gonna look at red little girl
28:13
and be. Like just the Thursday pocket.
28:18
Sand. Pocket sand.
28:21
Oh yeah. In case you didn't hear, I took
28:22
some of my pocket sand. I'll put it in his pocket.
28:24
Oh fuck. All right, Got.
28:30
One use. So anyway, they're all the BBQ
28:36
sauce on my tits. What the fuck is that metal
28:44
thing? What metal thing?
28:49
What metal thing you use? Fucking my dagger.
28:52
No, not that one. I know what I'm fucking Dagger
28:54
is. I'm old, not stupid.
28:58
Oh, you mean Hoshiko? Yeah.
29:00
That thing, what is it? It's Hoshiko.
29:03
Whatever. What's Hoshiko the.
29:05
Revolver. What's?
29:08
It called. So.
29:14
Never mind. Take this and it's called a
29:16
hammer. I'll pull that back.
29:18
That's not a hammer. Really.
29:21
Small one. I'm all not stupid.
29:29
I've never eaten a picture so difficultly in my life.
29:34
And you've never eaten. A little, little Lila, you know,
29:37
pulling on your furs there. And then all of a sudden, oh,
29:40
you're just a shock. Not responding.
29:42
Such as? Like, I'm going to go inside.
29:45
She goes inside. And then at that point the
29:48
innkeeper and healer of the town era comes out.
29:52
Hey, something's going on really weird with those guys.
29:55
Where'd the other one go? Why is he bloody?
29:57
Don't question that you don't want to know.
29:59
Look at her reaction. So you've been serving me long
30:05
back, you know, around what Hoshiko does to people.
30:09
Yeah, well, they had it coming. They're doing something really
30:12
weird at the docks. They've already tried, they've
30:13
already docked and they've refused to pay.
30:15
And now they're trying to, they unloaded some stuff and they're
30:19
trying to load some more stuff, and they didn't pay to even
30:21
dock. They didn't register nothing.
30:24
Oh, I want to try to find some gold on the bodies or on the
30:27
body. Batty.
30:29
Batty. Yeah, that other body you're
30:31
getting, you want some? There's only one.
30:35
Give me a perception. Which goal does he cough up?
30:40
We're going to need a constitution.
30:41
Save for your poop later. You're checking them out.
30:53
He also had a dagger and he did have a pouch.
30:57
I can roll it. You want me to roll it or you
30:59
want to roll? You roll it.
31:00
All right, 3 gold I'll. Take the dagger.
31:05
Take. The dog.
31:06
What's this for? Well, I didn't pay.
31:08
I'll, I'll settle on her voice eventually.
31:10
Relax. Payment from the afterlife, he
31:14
said. They owed it to me.
31:15
They owe a lot and there's more of them on the dock and.
31:21
Well, you see, I still have this hole in my liver and no whiskey
31:24
in my stomach, so I ain't going to the doc before we get that.
31:27
Oh. Here, hang on.
31:29
And by the way, her name's Ira Frost's hand, and she's always
31:32
got a bit of cold touched to her hands.
31:35
Like they, they always look like she's been out.
31:38
Yeah, and she's going to roll on you, Giggity.
31:43
How much damage did you get done to you?
31:45
Holy Loris. 33 all right well she held you for four so you're
31:50
back up you're good there's a nice little nice little it
31:55
leaves a nice little red scar and.
32:02
We'll. Stab you getting later and see
32:04
if we can do some more help. It's OK.
32:09
Father Ostrich is going to walk into the bar, walk up to one of
32:11
the patients and drinking them and just look at them and go.
32:14
Sheridan needs this thank you. Grab his drink to walk out.
32:18
He slams his tail. God damn it ostrich.
32:22
It's preserved. Not me as I'm chugging.
32:27
May I have some? This motherfucker got a damn
32:33
flash right on this damn hip, too.
32:41
I know this is new to you, Landon.
32:43
If it's something you're truly interested in, I promise, like
32:45
you, you will. Hell yeah, I was.
32:53
I was wanting to do it when he said it.
32:54
And I was like, no, I'm not going to do that.
32:57
And then God damn. So here after healing you and
33:01
I'll start shenanigans. And he, like he stole from Tom
33:04
again. Didn't.
33:09
You, he'll say Aaron. You listening?
33:18
You weren't supposed I was like I was.
33:20
Literally about to say nobody knows.
33:36
He's Austrian. Sorry, his house guys.
33:47
So with all that said, it was just like, look, I know you guys
33:53
aren't heroes or anything, but they owe money and they're doing
33:57
something bad down there. And I still don't have my
34:00
whiskey. It's crazy how both of these
34:03
come aside with each other. Holy crap, Tom, he wants.
34:06
His whiskey. I'm going to grab the other body
34:08
by the. Feet Tom comes walking out and.
34:18
Here's your. Whiskey.
34:20
Fuck you, ostrich. And it goes back inside.
34:22
Hey, Tom. We got this right.
34:25
Thanks. Buddy, no harm, no foul.
34:28
You, you eat him down. I look to the innkeeper, get him
34:31
out. Thanks.
34:33
Tom Sarah then appreciates it. Go handle that and we'll talk.
34:37
Well, I mean, talk to Tom, but he's the one that said.
34:42
It all right, Whiskey's close until that's dealt with.
34:45
Shuts the door so she goes back in.
34:47
Motherfucker. All right.
34:49
Oh yes, we got. Now we're.
34:53
Pull out. I'm pull out of sundial.
34:55
It's nap time. Though isn't it time for you to
34:59
take your medicine? What the fucks of medicine?
35:01
I did send things on the discord but I will also just pull them
35:04
up right here. Discord.
35:07
I'm not part of that. What?
35:09
The fucks of discord. Oh, you're not.
35:16
It was before you. You you wanted to join.
35:18
I think you invite hold. Up.
35:22
My. Listie anyway, so obviously this
35:26
is it's it's daytime right now, but that is that is that is the
35:32
Hushnet in so that's that's right.
35:34
There is where all that just went down.
35:38
Imagine that, but lie outside in red, all the ground.
35:42
Thank you. You're welcome.
35:43
There's there's, there's the hour.
35:46
That's my church. It's crazy to think I have a
35:51
whole church to myself. You're a bad man.
35:54
You, you have your. You have your little servant.
35:56
No, look, we look over. Have my servant.
35:59
There's this. I mean, not a servant.
36:01
She's not a servant. Don't tell her I said that.
36:02
There's just a Lantern in the window.
36:07
If y'all to walk in there would just look like a stereotypical
36:10
man cave. It's like you have the regular
36:12
judge but then everything in the background just like a couch.
36:15
Looks like a serious Google Man cable walk in.
36:17
There's a pool table, an open bar, and PS-5.
36:21
He's got a dope ass God, that's my God.
36:23
This God's all about like being a douche and not paying for your
36:25
drinks. His his alignment is true
36:31
neutral so he's not good but he's not bad.
36:33
He's just damn. That's what my character in
36:36
South campaigns climate is. Your father is true neutral like
36:43
might might be tipping into chaotic alone.
36:46
He's a little chaotic naughty body Batty with a fatty.
36:49
I mean I pocket sanded 2 people and fed once in an all fed.
36:54
Yeah, he's done some bad stuff. That's a dildo.
36:56
Jesus, I was scrolling through my pictures.
37:00
Spoiler alert. Oh, did you not tell CJ?
37:03
I don't ever see CJ. OK, so Blake could put a lock on
37:06
the dumpster. Somebody decided to break the
37:08
lock off of my dumpster so they could use which is just fucking
37:12
you. You earned it then.
37:13
OK. Like 17 empty wine bottles and
37:17
one giant fucking dildo. Wait for the best part.
37:23
I go to send this to my stores group chat, you know like Karen
37:28
Blake whoever else be like what the fuck?
37:31
I send this to the group chat with all of the other store
37:33
managers and me and Dan's bosses in it.
37:37
With. No, no, with the only words
37:41
attached bear repellent question.
37:43
Mark, how did they reply? Nobody said anything.
37:52
It was like I said, take care of a dumpster with wine bottles and
37:58
a doughnut and just bear repellent.
38:01
I was literally like, I was like holy fuck.
38:05
Who said that? I was like holy fuck, holy fuck.
38:09
When I saw that, when I realized the chat that it was in, I was
38:12
like. That was my reaction too.
38:18
Ty sends it. What's up?
38:21
No. No no, no, it's not even like I
38:24
looked up and realized I put my phone in my pocket, checked like
38:28
3 hours later because I was like why hasn't anybody said anything
38:31
to that? And then I looked and I was
38:33
like. Oh shit, you couldn't delete it
38:37
at that point. Everyone's seen it by then.
38:42
So. Like, yeah, like, you know the
38:44
meme, the. Oh shit, yeah, right.
38:47
There at the register. All right, so you guys head down
38:50
to the docks. You guys are going to be fast
38:58
friends. We already own.
39:01
I fed him two people. I'm his best friend in his eyes,
39:12
and he's a human. It's it's surprising you made it
39:27
this part with the kind of medicine we got.
39:30
You guys make your way back to the docks.
39:32
I say back because you were already there once you already
39:34
saw some suspicions, stupid people.
39:42
As you arrive back at the docks, it's it's a long boardwalk style
39:46
dock with individual dock sections parked out at the end.
39:50
You do see three men and they've unloaded sealed crates from
39:56
their ship called the Frostbite World.
39:58
Fat One guy looks back over you, hears you.
40:11
I'm gonna, I'm gonna like that guy.
40:14
What's his name? Gotta ask him, but uh, anyway
40:21
dog, why are you doing? Why are you saying that?
40:23
What's your name? Millwood OK, All right.
40:33
Before I lose my mind any further, I forgot he's a
40:37
coaster. You guys see the ship?
40:40
Everything. You see the guys unloading and
40:42
they're throwing more stuff back on, but they are specifically
40:44
leaving a crate, and that's a little odd to you.
40:47
What do you do? Open.
40:48
We're going to. Kick the crate.
40:50
You walk up, kick the crate and say open.
40:53
Open says to me the Hills boss. So the one guy looks like he may
41:02
be in charge. He's just like, hey, it's just a
41:05
whale. All shit mix.
41:07
Boring stuff. Not really need to worry about
41:09
very taxable bullshit. Surely you bet I don't.
41:12
Bullshit. You can't bullshit a bullshit,
41:14
huh? Bullshit you bullshit old man.
41:19
I'm going black. Surf it is bullshit then it
41:22
can't be buried. Tax.
41:23
So either you're lying or you're lying.
41:25
Bullshit. Prove it.
41:26
Pop it open. Don't you guys have anything
41:28
better to do than bother honest travelers?
41:30
Pop it open. Actually, yes.
41:33
You see, I was trying to get drunk and then they sent me down
41:35
to the fucking docks to see what you assholes are up to. 3.
41:40
Thanks. And I'm trying to find out what
41:41
you assholes are up to. So give me what you know what?
41:50
I won't even do that. You want to give me an
41:52
investigation check? Sure, sure.
41:55
Oh, investigations intelligence. Yep.
41:57
What is my Intelligence 12? 12 yeah, hot diggity dog.
42:03
So, Father Ostrich, immediately as you're just looking at the
42:07
crate, you know that's bullshit. As you said bullshit.
42:12
And you notice the smell anywhere.
42:15
It smells like fine spices. I know that smell.
42:18
You got fucking thing shit in there right now.
42:24
You want to give me an imitation check?
42:26
Give me a donation check. 19 fuck you 3020 holy shit, pop
42:34
that shit over right? Now I like this old man voice.
42:37
Like crack too buddy. I think that you should pop it
42:43
up and just don't pop a drug. My hands in my pocket right now.
42:47
All right, all right, all right. Just just calm down.
42:51
Somebody keep your old man on a leash.
42:52
What the fuck is that? Expect that.
42:57
Meow. He's the nice one.
43:00
I'll talk to you. No.
43:01
Well, everyone can see that shit.
43:03
That's obviously an old man, and that seems to be a cat.
43:15
All right, look, look, just just everybody relax.
43:19
OK, fine. Look, we had we had some stuff
43:22
to be sent here. It's just it's it's it's some
43:24
illegal spices and it's just it's just some some some
43:28
artifacts you. Know.
43:31
Do you? Do you really said illegal?
43:34
Spices I just whole. Before, before he does that, I'm
43:39
gonna look at him and be like, do do you smell that?
43:42
And you smell bullshit. You kick it off the dock and it
43:46
hits the water. Hang on, let me see.
43:49
I got this disease where I come from.
43:52
I'm allergic to bullshit. It falls, cracks the ice and
43:57
goes under and he's just like, are you fucking kidding me?
44:05
Do you? As he, as he says that.
44:11
I. Can pitch you and see if you'd
44:15
like to wake up. 3020 guys. I think that now would be the
44:27
good time. For pretty sure fucking Father
44:30
Austria has seen all this shit. He's just that old hermit, he's.
44:39
Been taking it for like 60. Years.
44:46
So Craig goes over and he's like, what the fuck are you
44:49
doing? And Noah said fuck it, Said you
44:53
got the guy talking. Yeah.
44:55
What was it, a dirty 20? Yeah, Dirty 20.
44:58
I think he got him so all of a sudden he's like what the fuck
45:03
is this a game with all life win And with that roll initiative
45:12
roll initiative 11. Trevor says something me want to
45:17
push him roll initiative in I. I got an 18.
45:23
I have a 14. I have gotten 11.
45:26
I don't think any of us are good.
45:27
D20 plus your deck spot. Oh, you beat me by 1.
45:31
All right, so Vallejo, you got what?
45:33
An 18. Hey, all right, David.
45:37
And that way or two. Damn, a lot better than your
45:42
first round Austrick. Oh, eleven a lot.
45:46
Worse than my first You guys could die.
45:48
Oh I know, I have one help. Yeah, I've got one help, Yeah.
45:55
Yeah, I'm old. I rolled in two and I got -1.
45:58
After the happens like remember so real.
46:01
Me too. What does that mean?
46:05
See that? Jesus, can I roll a perception?
46:14
See how many people there are? It's just him, right?
46:16
But I can see. You don't have to roll up.
46:17
I mean, you can roll a perception if you want.
46:19
Damn, almost got hit by my own body sand.
46:25
Holy shit I almost pissed myself with that one.
46:28
Here's a little windy out today. I got sand.
46:30
I just from laughing. It's a little windy out today.
46:33
What? I asked for this deception.
46:35
OK, what'd you get? I got it.
46:37
Too. OK.
46:37
What 2 plus reception? Wisdom, Wisdom.
46:41
Yeah, I've got 1. So you see the three combatants
46:48
in front of you and you don't you don't know that there's
46:52
anyone else on the ship. I mean, it's, it's a smaller
46:55
ship. And we've already killed 2 of
46:56
them. And yeah, and two men are dead,
46:59
so could be a 5-6 person crew. The only other thing that
47:02
catches your eyes, there's a there's a a chain up top that
47:05
seems to like rush around, but you can't see anything atop a
47:09
ship now. All right.
47:11
The 16 make these characters they can be like OK so this
47:17
isn't actually where our story begins.
47:20
These assholes just thought they could be heroes.
47:22
Y'all were on the ship watching this happen.
47:25
Yeah, damn, those guys got their fucking heads taken off, huh?
47:28
What? Was up with that fucking old
47:31
guy. You guys see that cowboy?
47:36
It keeps screaming pockets and. Then throwing sand in people's
47:41
faces. Does.
47:55
That so all hell breaks loose. Crate goes over the side
48:00
beginning of a confrontation. Pocket sand.
48:03
Where's your kid at? And then she she, she went,
48:07
yeah, she went into the hush net.
48:08
And that, that's Canon. That did happen.
48:10
I stated that it is your turn. All that's going on in front of
48:13
you, Taka. Sand Guy had not run in the
48:16
water yet. What was that question?
48:19
I know. The guy got pocket was not yet
48:24
water now I'll I'll I'll met. The pocket sand.
48:28
Guy. OK, D20 plus your no roll it
48:34
again. We already agreed on the confirm
48:36
rules 1717 would have hit you're OK on that.
48:40
All right, so you just, you go to throw it and it just tells
48:43
he's like and it goes anything you want to, huh then?
48:51
That just goes right over. Yeah, Anything else you want to
48:54
do? It's not a pool CAD, it's not
48:57
like a fishnet. It's like a trap net.
49:02
This is why I love to have that out.
49:05
But yeah, I'll let you. You can throw your boomerang.
49:08
Boomers rang. I'll throw my boomerang with
49:11
that right away. Are we close or are we far right
49:13
up on the guy? Right.
49:15
Yeah, he. Probably would have been.
49:16
Like I feel I, I think it's crazy that you went right up in
49:20
confrontation zone, but there's. My bullshit from a mile away.
49:25
Bullshit, bullshit. I'd say you're probably 15 feet
49:29
back or so. Which the three guys are you
49:36
going for? So.
49:41
You got you're gonna boomerang 2 Let's.
49:46
Do. He'll be back.
49:51
I threw boomerang once four years ago and it never came
49:54
back, no. I live in.
50:10
It's it's, it's going to happen now.
50:14
I'm going to wait for us to be so developed and serious about
50:17
this. And you're going to be in the
50:18
middle of some crazy heroic speech.
50:20
And also you. Make a deck save real quick.
50:34
It is your turn. I'm going to back up back to the
50:39
bar. I give you a whiskey all.
50:46
The way to the bar I I canonically aim like Rick from
50:52
The Walking Dead. We sink there for a second, my
51:13
brains. Want to get a decent little bit
51:18
out of this guy's reach and I'm gonna, I'm gonna look at that
51:20
chain up there and did did I see any weak point in it?
51:24
A weak point in the chain. Yeah, well, I mean it's pretty
51:27
cool, but I imagine if I hit some hot fast small shattered.
51:31
There's a very likely possibility.
51:33
Where's that thing happening? How?
51:35
How big was? It chain.
51:36
Yeah, like was, was it like a good size?
51:39
Chain not like an anchor chain. We're talking maybe about the
51:43
links are probably about like that thick around.
51:45
So like so so overall, yeah. Didn't get me.
51:55
You know what, fuck it, I'll just shoot the the guy.
51:57
The blind guy. Shooting the blind guy shooting.
51:59
The blind guy. All right. +10 I got an 18 to
52:03
hit. 18 to hit hits. I did.
52:13
I didn't end up being old man. He's going to, like, sound like
52:17
every Southerner you can't understand seven damage.
52:28
Seven damage. All right.
52:30
OK, glad to. Have a nice delivery than me,
52:32
it's my livery. Is your livery running checked
52:37
at this point? What?
52:39
What? I don't know what.
52:41
How much water do you drink on a day basis?
52:43
Enough. OK, you shoot him.
52:49
Just got shot. Oh, what the fuck was that?
52:53
How's. It going you're a bit I leave
52:54
the market, aren't you? Don't you say that about my mom.
52:59
He says random things I. Don't think having bones.
53:02
Actually scoot. Well, it's his turn.
53:05
He's blind. Or is he?
53:06
He's. Blind pick out pocket sanded.
53:11
Red as as red as the devil's Dick and but he can see.
53:16
Oh no. And we'll come up with that fair
53:21
stats with the pocket sand later, I promise.
53:23
See. All right, so who's right up
53:25
there with next to him? You and you, I said.
53:27
I backed up a little bit. Did you?
53:30
Yeah. Right before initiative.
53:32
OK, my pocket's ended. All right, so he's going to go
53:34
for Nanaway. Oh boy, that doesn't count.
53:39
Totally. Count the reason I said the
53:40
other ones didn't count as big as it was in between.
53:43
Does a 14 hit you? We don't know what our AC is.
53:46
Yeah. Oh, right, so it's 10 plus your
53:48
dex mod. So because you had a + 2.
53:50
Yeah. OK, so you get hit.
53:54
Tomorrow. You held the six.
53:59
Yeah, and Dan's all D 10s. Wait my bad, the guy that just
54:03
unblinded himself, What's your HP?
54:07
6. In the arms of an Angel, he
54:12
takes his sword and hammers it into the side of your gut and
54:18
then spins you around to back and behind with the other two
54:22
guys and you drop. Oh, oh, he dropped.
54:28
He's dead. That's meth.
54:30
It did acting method method acting and it is now an always
54:36
turn. Oh, give me a def save.
54:38
What? Would be 20.
54:40
Hey everyone, suggest if you roll A10 higher on a death save
54:46
and succeed. If you roll 9 or lower it's
54:49
fell. If you get 5 three fells you
54:51
die. If you get 360 you back up.
54:53
If you're rolling that 20, well, for me, you rolling that 20, you
55:00
pop up on HP, is you gonna stab him, Stab, stab him, make it
55:09
happen. Yeah, ritual dagger you.
55:12
Get advantage with the ritual dagger.
55:20
Yeah, you are. You are exactly 0.
55:22
You got 12 to hit. No, no, you are.
55:29
You are unconscious, bleeding out, and you have one, one
55:33
success 12 to hit. You hit.
55:38
Yeah, I wrote 12. Yeah.
55:39
Oh oh, since it's original Daggers 56.
55:42
No. What do I add to it again?
55:47
My Dex. Mod do what?
55:49
I add my dex mod right? Yeah, 222 damage.
55:55
So with the gunshot to the gut and you stabbing him, he
55:59
staggers back. Oh oh.
56:00
Take care of his name again, Ty, I'm stabbing in the liver.
56:06
And this one's for you, for Leo, and this one's for you to know.
56:08
Wait, fuck 10. Oh.
56:10
Shit, right as you wait, I go. Book I got revenge on this.
56:17
Yeah, come in his mouth. So right as.
56:22
Oh oh not a kid. Lose this God damn it.
56:31
And that change starts to rattle and move, and then you hear, and
56:36
then a giant lizard jumps off from the top of the ship and
56:39
lands down into the fray. I didn't.
56:41
Think we should run? I said that at the start of
56:44
this. I don't know why you fuckers
56:46
didn't listen to the pocket. Sir, you make a fair argument.
56:50
Yeah, Pocket. Sir, can I plug your sand?
56:53
The giant lizard. You already use.
56:55
Pocket sand, the giant lizard. Take our pocket and put it in
56:58
his pocket. Man, that's the biggest horse
57:02
I've ever seen. It's it's horse size.
57:04
It is a radical. It's horse size.
57:07
Damn Tooting. Thanks.
57:12
Thanks. Canonically my character.
57:19
This could be your moment. Hey, canonically my character
57:21
has been divorced 7 times, but we never know which ex-wife I'm
57:24
talking about. Which one was that one again?
57:31
And it is now with that, because Austric.
57:35
Yep, now it is SA next smuggler. All right, who's I'm going to
57:42
make him roll for this? Anything besides a three Father
57:46
Austric. Oh.
57:47
No. So so the other guy start.
57:54
Fortunately, the other guy starts get a net ready.
57:59
Buddy, your mom, your dad's a fuck nugget.
58:02
If he does double my Max HP I just die right?
58:04
Give me a yeah give. Me a this was the best thing
58:11
that could happen to you because because the net doesn't do
58:12
damage. This is literally the best thing
58:16
that could happen to you. And I did not choose this.
58:18
What are you doing? No, wait, what are you?
58:21
Doing. Oh, yeah, yeah.
58:23
Give me a we'll, we'll say it's an intimidator.
58:26
Charisma. It's the same thing.
58:27
Yeah. Oh. 6. 6 so he doesn't get a
58:35
disadvantage. Oh, so the net goes.
58:41
You throw that nut like a bitch. Somebody didn't have a daddy
58:46
teaching how to throw a ball. Sure didn't.
58:49
Mama tried. Mama tried.
58:52
Yeah. Did Daddy go to get milk?
58:54
Next guy, next, next guy. All.
59:05
Right, so here's the next guy. Smuggler bleed.
59:14
Father Ostrich's like some high end smuggler smuggler.
59:22
I think it's pronounced Smuga. Sorry, guys, I've been
59:27
cancelled. I'm getting kicked off the
59:28
podcast. It's not snowing yet, all right?
59:31
We're playing Northwest. 123. Sorry, you are the biggest
59:36
thing. Goodbye.
59:37
What are? We doing in there OK.
59:40
The other the other guy he takes like a gourd looking thing and
59:46
just chucks it at you and it kiss you shatters and you get
59:51
covered in oil. How?
59:53
Far away was he. Because.
59:55
Everybody else. We're going to say 15 feet I.
59:57
Thought everybody else was on the boat.
59:59
It's got a 20 to 40 range. What?
1:00:00
Well. I figured everybody else is on
1:00:02
the boat and I backed up my. No, it's been 3 guys the entire
1:00:06
time. Just the the guy that y'all
1:00:08
assumed was the boss was the one that was doing the talking.
1:00:12
Your movement speed 30. Yeah, OK.
1:00:14
So, so I'll give him disadvantage 20 to 40 feet.
1:00:23
And with that, he also shouts and fire that fire box again
1:00:27
now. Don't mind if I do.
1:00:34
What kind of oil you. Have to give me an investigation
1:00:37
check or something for that. I get naked.
1:00:41
I'm not wearing any armor, so it doesn't take an action for me to
1:00:43
doctor Dolph. Neither am I.
1:00:46
You think I'm wearing underwear under this cloak?
1:00:49
You'd be surely mistaken. Honestly, I'm not even sure
1:00:52
you're wearing a cloak. That might just be extra.
1:00:55
Steel at this point, maybe, I don't know.
1:00:58
All I know is that my ball is at my knees.
1:01:03
Falls off with Cliff. He just starts flapping away.
1:01:06
All right. With that, it is Deira's turn
1:01:10
again. Now I I will First off tell me
1:01:13
what you want to do or what you. Got tell me what you want.
1:01:16
I'll. Tell you what I want.
1:01:19
Huh. I didn't set this up, but it
1:01:24
worked so perfectly and I was like, oh, I hope I just bleeded
1:01:27
like a mother. You see me come right out of my
1:01:29
mouth. I looked at him when he said
1:01:33
that, I was like, Oh my God, I'm so happy.
1:01:34
And I went. He turned into the wizard.
1:01:40
For a second, was that real? Yes, all.
1:01:46
Right. Give me give me an animal handle
1:01:48
and check and you get advantage. Which is a -, 2.
1:02:03
This is, this is, I will say this is a trained animal that
1:02:06
belongs to the captain of this ship.
1:02:09
So it's not disadvantaged or anything, but it's going to be a
1:02:11
high DC before you roll. So unless you're just really
1:02:14
happy with that roll, it doesn't count.
1:02:16
You get advantage. I'm going to tell you right now,
1:02:18
I'm setting this DC, this DC for your animal handling check is
1:02:22
going to be a 1314. We'll say a 131414, dammit.
1:02:33
You can roll. Unless you're happy with that
1:02:35
one, you can roll two more times.
1:02:37
Otherwise you just roll one more time.
1:02:46
And you can roll one more time. 12. 12 total.
1:02:54
You can try to get next round, but that doesn't that's not
1:02:57
that's not your turn. That was just a whistle.
1:03:00
So I can still attack. Yeah, actually it's that failed.
1:03:07
I'll try. You see the lizard too, It kind
1:03:09
of just like raises up like this and goes.
1:03:12
I'll try. I'll try feeding it dried meat.
1:03:16
You mean like iguanas do? Can I?
1:03:18
Do that. OK, Here's what I'm going to say
1:03:20
right now, you son of a bitch. No, here's what I'm going to say
1:03:23
right now. Drea.
1:03:25
If you throw that dried meat to the lizard, I'll let you do the
1:03:28
whistle again because that's just awesome.
1:03:34
Give me, give me, give me a check.
1:03:36
Give me a check. Nat 20 roll for me, roll for me.
1:03:44
CJ, I'm sorry, I know you just sat back down. 15 you you toss,
1:03:51
you toss the meat down. It lands right at and it's like
1:03:54
and snatches it up, eats the meat and then it's just looking
1:03:57
at you like fuck you about a little Batty.
1:04:01
All right, give me another handle handle check.
1:04:05
Got a band? Of five, huh?
1:04:08
Yeah, yeah. 1414 on the die. 14 on the die.
1:04:15
And then you'll do the -2 minus. Two Oh, wait, wait.
1:04:20
Does that go off my list? Hang on, hang on, hang on, but
1:04:26
hang on. I felt like the dried meat
1:04:28
should have. Did you see?
1:04:31
I'm I was going to look up to see what the stats of the
1:04:33
whistle were, but. I make a good argument, makes
1:04:38
good. Arguments game the meat it likes
1:04:40
you DC was 12 if. It don't work so I'm.
1:04:46
The the creature is non hostile towards you.
1:04:58
So I mean it just starts, it just starts looking at you and
1:05:01
then it's just kind of flapping the back end of its tail.
1:05:04
Thing looks like a giant fucking iguana.
1:05:06
Pitbull. I've had iguanas before, they
1:05:10
stands like pitbulls. I love iguanas dude.
1:05:13
Iggy Pop was my favorite iguana I ever had.
1:05:15
After my last show, I'm not having nothing.
1:05:19
I'll I'll kind of pet the lizard and then walk up to it in the
1:05:25
mountain. You're going to mount it, Jimmy
1:05:28
Dexterity check. Boots and giggles.
1:05:33
Yeah, you have. To plus. 221 What do you?
1:05:37
What do you? What do you say to this animal?
1:05:38
You gotta act this out. What does Dara do?
1:05:40
What does Dara say? Are you?
1:05:42
Still hungry? Some people.
1:05:46
And you and you hop on to its back.
1:05:49
Fuck me, are you? Still hungry?
1:05:52
Though that's all you can do right now.
1:05:55
I mean, you still talk. Talking is free.
1:05:58
You can talk as much as you want.
1:05:59
You can't. You're unconscious.
1:06:00
Yeah. I'm gonna grab a little.
1:06:04
I'm gonna grab the Norway's mouth.
1:06:08
He just grabs the unconscious, bleeding out in an Norway's
1:06:11
mouth. I'll get you.
1:06:14
I'll get you is that. Is that all for you?
1:06:31
Oh my, so I get quadruple advantage on my rules now?
1:06:38
You had a damn good argument to drive me.
1:06:42
I hope. So I'm going to walk back up to
1:06:45
the blind man. You know he's not blind anymore.
1:06:49
Oh, wait. No, you pocket sand to begin.
1:06:51
Damn it. Yeah, the.
1:06:53
Devil Pocket and I'm going to I'm not doing anything like
1:06:57
harmful yet, but I do rest his shoulder on him and I look at
1:07:01
the guy that threw the oil on me and say I bet you would like to
1:07:04
see me fire this fire buck considering I'm past your
1:07:06
friend, right? What'd you mean It was that your
1:07:12
head? Fuck, I'm not going to count the
1:07:15
net 20 because it rolled off. Fuck me, I should have counted
1:07:20
the net 20. So he's just like, well, that's
1:07:24
me, Captain, even get away from Veldor.
1:07:28
What you're gonna do about it? Up this thing.
1:07:30
We go both up and. He loves fire, though.
1:07:37
You wait till my turn. I'm gonna try something And.
1:07:40
Then I take. Did he just say I'm at a game
1:07:46
quote? I want a chest to chest with his
1:07:49
captain. And I'm you're going to go chest
1:07:51
to chest. Chest to chest and I'm firing my
1:07:53
pistol in his pocket and. His pocket.
1:07:57
Does he got sand in there? I have oil on my chest.
1:08:01
Yeah, no. Oil is on his chest now.
1:08:04
Roll your. Roll your.
1:08:05
Attack what? You got.
1:08:09
I want to still chest to chest with him.
1:08:12
Pistol here, fire at the guy that threw.
1:08:14
By the way, we're both. Going out got to make sure you
1:08:16
like put your. Arms, you know, there's this,
1:08:18
there's this magician hails from where I'm from, I think that
1:08:21
said, sit around your fucking speakers.
1:08:26
We call them Johnny Cash. Got a song called The Ring of
1:08:28
Fire? Almost sounded racist as hell.
1:08:31
You fucking speak. I'll let you re roll if it was
1:08:40
shitty because I mean technically it wouldn't count
1:08:42
but if it was a good roll I was going to be like dude keep that.
1:08:45
15. 15 hits my friend. As I do this, I look to him.
1:08:50
A nod. Seven damage, 7 damage, or
1:08:56
sorry, 8 damage. 8. Damage.
1:09:00
Tell me how you kill. This man holding an oil, an oil,
1:09:05
another oil flask in his hand. Chest, chest movement.
1:09:08
You know, I say all the things I just said.
1:09:09
I'm gonna look at him. There's an oil flask.
1:09:13
Tis pistola. Post your toe and fire through
1:09:17
his ring finger. And he goes flying back off the
1:09:24
dock and the flames only go out after he crashes through the ice
1:09:28
and disappears. You're on fire now.
1:09:31
He's not he. He's not.
1:09:32
Oh, no, he is, Yeah. You got a little something right
1:09:35
here. Hey, me and Captain Bolton.
1:09:38
These guys. Yeah, you're on fire.
1:09:40
That's. Why I said the thing about?
1:09:43
Johnny damn, I fell into a burning Ring of Fire.
1:09:49
All right, But hey now, Now the captain is blind and on fire.
1:09:54
All right, so you are about to take some fire damage.
1:09:56
You want me to roll it? You want to roll it?
1:09:59
No. He killed.
1:10:00
He killed. He killed the smuggler.
1:10:01
He killed smuggler B. That was throwing the oil flask.
1:10:03
All right. You want to roll it?
1:10:04
You want me to? Roll it.
1:10:06
Oh shit, I'm almost. Dead just just is going to be
1:10:09
awesome. That was awesome, but also the
1:10:15
captain. Mr. Priest, would you like to
1:10:17
use your action to? Put me.
1:10:23
Out and the the captain goes up in flames as well.
1:10:28
Pushing you have to do a strength safe right?
1:10:30
Holy shit, you know. Like you don't even have pushing
1:10:32
usually they actually pat me out.
1:10:33
I don't. Know no, no, no.
1:10:36
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
1:10:40
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No.
1:10:41
No, no, no, no, no. No way.
1:10:44
No, no, no way. No.
1:10:49
Strength. I thought I smelled coffee.
1:10:52
I'm all right. I'm right.
1:10:53
Yeah. 7:00 to 1:00. One fail.
1:10:57
Yeah, all right. With that it is.
1:11:01
The net guy isn't. He like, raffled.
1:11:07
No. I look at the net guy while I'm
1:11:08
on fire to say that's it. All right, let's see here.
1:11:15
He turns tail and starts running the opposite direction off the
1:11:21
dock and stumbles onto the ice and moves.
1:11:24
His full 30 foot movement wouldn't do anything.
1:11:29
Father. I'll start.
1:11:30
Yep. I'm gonna use my action to put
1:11:33
him out. OK?
1:11:34
I'm gonna just pull out some Pakistan, sprinkle on him.
1:11:37
But not like in his eyes like well.
1:11:39
No, no, like. Sand can be used to put out.
1:11:41
Fire. That's true.
1:11:42
That's true. I was thinking of lice.
1:11:44
I was thinking of like other things like sawdust and stuff.
1:11:46
You can make an explosion with that.
1:11:48
Yeah, my bad. I wasn't thinking sand.
1:11:50
Yeah. Yeah.
1:11:50
You say you just don't Pakistan. Pakistan.
1:11:53
But you do 2 bonus action pocket sands.
1:11:55
Just one to put. Them out fun, whatever flavor.
1:11:58
Actually, throw pocket 10 in the captain's eye.
1:12:03
The captain is. He's dead, He's dead.
1:12:07
He falls over the the he took two hits, he took, he took the
1:12:12
gunshot from you, he took the knife stab from him, and then he
1:12:16
just took 4 fire damage he's done.
1:12:19
As he's laying on the ground. But I'm going to pocket sand.
1:12:21
I'm still pocket sand. Pocket sand.
1:12:24
The fire goes out, but he's still.
1:12:25
Father Osick is going to start running after the guy that ran
1:12:27
away. Handful of sand.
1:12:31
Hey, get back here. Get back here Buggy.
1:12:33
How do you get off the dock? Huh.
1:12:35
How do you get off the dock? I'm just stand at the edge.
1:12:37
How do you motherfucking run? Bitch throws sand at.
1:12:45
The sea, he throws it with all his might.
1:12:46
He goes, you know, into the wind.
1:12:49
Yeah, yeah. From a bunk I.
1:12:54
Was going to say like you hear the angry rumble of the person.
1:12:57
You hear, You hear Tom, about 70 yards away.
1:13:00
God damn it, I'll shoot. Fuck you, Tom.
1:13:11
Does anybody want to help in the Norway?
1:13:13
Oh yeah. You can't.
1:13:16
You can't. You can't.
1:13:19
Hold. On one moment you.
1:13:21
Gotta find cool ass lizard I. Take him to hell it.
1:13:26
Is it is? I mean, it's, it's the lizard's
1:13:29
turn. Give me one more handle animal
1:13:31
check. Handle animal.
1:13:32
Handle animal still. Still with advantage, obviously.
1:13:35
It puts the lotion on it hug you.
1:13:37
Dude, OK, so you're like, oh, that's all right.
1:13:43
He's just big old Listen, nothing to be scared.
1:13:45
He's. Just a big puppy.
1:13:46
They're puppy all right. What do you do I.
1:13:51
Had the lizard. Pick pick him up and was picking
1:13:54
them. All the way up it was Jen.
1:13:57
This is done and carrying it back.
1:13:59
All right, give me a give try and stabilize him.
1:14:03
Oh, I can do. That he'll checks intelligence,
1:14:07
Wisdom, Wisdom. OK, you can do it.
1:14:13
You did it. Somehow you.
1:14:16
You are, you are unconscious, but you are no longer dying.
1:14:21
Nothing. You're just sleepy.
1:14:24
Sleepy. And you say you take them back
1:14:28
to the all right, So Dara is taking is, is leaving the dock,
1:14:33
going back to the hush net. Before, before they leave, I'm
1:14:35
going Dara. What?
1:14:37
We'll grab the cooked guy, we'll drag him over and put him in the
1:14:40
Norway's mouth. The guy's still over.
1:14:42
There on the ice, Dan, the guy's still over there on the ice.
1:14:47
Yeah, he's he's roughly from you.
1:14:49
He's 40 to 50 feet away. Not him, but at the ice.
1:14:52
Oh, give me, give me a tack. 19 that's.
1:14:56
Pretty. Fucking good.
1:14:57
I'll do it. He got real damage.
1:15:00
You, you fire. You fire, you pull the trigger.
1:15:04
And he's. Oh, God, no, I'm again.
1:15:06
I almost did, Father. Awesome.
1:15:09
Oh, wait, wait. No, sorry.
1:15:11
Oh, shit. Oh, fuck no.
1:15:13
God, I can't swim. Idiot sailor.
1:15:23
Shortly thereafter, there's blood.
1:15:32
One of the not ways people pops up.
1:15:34
Thank you. All right, So what are y'all
1:15:42
doing? I'm.
1:15:43
Going to open the crate. Going to open the crate.
1:15:46
I don't want that you didn't kick in the water.
1:15:50
I want to go check out their boat.
1:15:52
I don't know anything about those.
1:15:53
Not found a lot maybe? But give me a perception check.
1:15:57
Perception. Yeah, I'm using a.
1:15:59
Different face because I wasn't expecting you to give me a roll
1:16:01
yet. What's perception, Intelligence.
1:16:04
Wisdom. I got a -. 2 Wisdom. -2 A roll.
1:16:08
With five. Terrible, Clair.
1:16:10
Well. I'm not going to.
1:16:14
So you open up the the crate? Was that me or the crate?
1:16:20
Cracking salads. Inside there is one item that is
1:16:26
the crates covered and impacted with straw and whatnot, whatnot,
1:16:30
whatnot, whatnot for cushioning and everything.
1:16:33
And you see a small brass hourglass, and the strangest
1:16:38
thing that really catches you off guard is it's leaking fine
1:16:42
white sand that drifts upward. It's mine though.
1:16:48
And inside also is just like a little it, it's like a little,
1:16:58
it's got like a little, a little slipper, a little ribbon of
1:17:01
paper and it just says property of the shrine of ours.
1:17:06
Give me. Give me an intelligence room.
1:17:10
Are you dumb as shit? I can't remember.
1:17:12
OK. Yeah.
1:17:12
Yeah. Give me an intelligence room.
1:17:20
It occurs to you that this was supposed to be delivered to the
1:17:26
shrine of ours, which is your. They were church.
1:17:28
They were loading it. I don't know they were loading
1:17:31
and loading, but yeah, it's that's pretty weird.
1:17:33
And at that point era from the end comes walking up sees you
1:17:37
there. Oh, what happened to the shark
1:17:39
man I got? Got a stabbed gut and what?
1:17:43
Happened. It seems about right.
1:17:44
I'll do it. I don't think I'm.
1:17:46
I think I like that voice for the most.
1:17:48
It's just my goofy voice. I love it.
1:17:49
That's set myself on. Fire.
1:17:52
Oh, it's not good either. Well, somehow I didn't die.
1:17:56
Somehow you didn't get hit. No.
1:17:58
The only attack against you was a net.
1:18:00
She touches us or he dies. You come, you come back ADHP.
1:18:06
But she And then that, that part didn't happen.
1:18:09
I'm kidding. But you do get ADHP.
1:18:10
It's just time to dust. It was going to happen and she's
1:18:14
like, I think I could do it one more.
1:18:16
Time. And she lays hands on you and
1:18:21
give me 3 HP. So at least I'm not so charred.
1:18:24
Sorry, that's all I had left in me.
1:18:26
That guy over there couldn't Slim.
1:18:27
Fuck him. Who looks over to Red?
1:18:30
So I guess you guys are like heroes or something now.
1:18:33
I wouldn't really go that far. I don't think that heroes do
1:18:38
that, but sure, yeah, whatever you want to say.
1:18:40
I'm going to go look at that boat.
1:18:41
You're up and awake. Yay.
1:18:43
Yeah. The guy and he's not the atom.
1:18:46
You're eating the captain. Yeah, I put him in his mouth.
1:18:49
Does anybody want to give me a perception check on the captain?
1:18:52
Oh yeah, no, I mooted his body before I put him in his mouth.
1:18:54
Oh, you did? Yeah.
1:18:56
OK, you stated that. OK, All right now.
1:18:58
Roll to get perception anyways. Well, roll me AD 8.
1:19:01
Oh, D 85. Five.
1:19:05
You find a pouch with five gold and there's also his sword that
1:19:10
he has. It's a hooked cutlass, so it's a
1:19:13
cutlass, but it has like almost like a Fisher's hook on it,
1:19:15
which is the thing that he did with the Naway if you saw it
1:19:19
because he cleaved into him then it snagged him and he was able
1:19:22
to move them on a crit. I just did it for flavor since
1:19:24
he was dead but on a crit whoever you hit with it has to
1:19:28
make ADC 12 strength save if they fail it, you can move them
1:19:32
anywhere around you within 5 feet.
1:19:35
So you're fighting against somebody on a cliff's edge and
1:19:37
there's right You know, if you hook them with a net 20, you can
1:19:41
move them 5 feet if they fail and I'm.
1:19:44
Gonna hold it up, I can't use it as you want to.
1:19:46
Who has the highest strength? You both have 14.
1:19:50
You want to? I don't know which one y'all act
1:19:53
this shit out. Who?
1:19:53
Wants this one me what do you? Have I just like that me?
1:20:02
There's. Me hungry.
1:20:06
You need three people in the last 10 minutes.
1:20:14
So it's a it's a hook cutlass. It does 1D8 damage plus your
1:20:32
strength mod. Obviously it's.
1:20:34
Meth Heiress +2. What the fuck is?
1:20:38
Meth and so that is a on on a crit on a Nat 20 on the die
1:20:45
DC-12 strength or be pulled 5 feet.
1:20:48
Sounds like a pretty weak laugh. Word that however you want.
1:20:52
Oh yeah, a lot of people believe in the God that I only know this
1:20:55
room. DC-12 Strength or Yeah, Yeah.
1:21:00
And then DC-12 strength or what? You know what I believe in?
1:21:03
DC-12 strength Whiskey. Yeah.
1:21:06
OK, so with that, here's like, well, I mean, come on, I'll take
1:21:12
you guys fast as heaven. You've you've earned.
1:21:13
Hey, you earned your whiskey. I'll.
1:21:14
Earned a bottle after that I set myself 100 for you bucks.
1:21:17
Haha OK and I found. Your.
1:21:22
Payment 8 gold, right. 5 gold, right. 8 gold, right.
1:21:27
I was 8 golden. Yeah, I know you.
1:21:30
Said they owed you a lot of. Money, man, it's a good amount
1:21:32
of money all right, you get a bottle I'm.
1:21:34
Going to go look at the boat. I was on the bench.
1:21:38
I was over. On the bench, give me a give me
1:21:40
a perception check for the boat. Probably not good.
1:21:43
Oh, it's. 1212 it's a it's not a huge ship again, it it's, it
1:21:50
will be piloted by 5 people. So you go on and mix the 1015
1:21:58
minutes you spend looking around.
1:22:00
Roll me D10. You roll me D10 to.
1:22:03
Your. 4 You find Who's she? Go another one.
1:22:14
Another one, no. So you find 4 gold and a a nice
1:22:21
jacket. It looks kind of like a duster.
1:22:23
It's a dark brown leather and it's got studs on it.
1:22:28
There, that mine's all little fucking sand right now.
1:22:32
Toss that off, You put this on, that is, I mean.
1:22:38
For my nipples. All of a sudden, the teeth sink
1:22:41
into. Why is it only in my nipples?
1:22:45
But that it is a + 2 to your AC Oh yeah.
1:22:53
It's like, it's like it's like wearing leather armor, but it's
1:22:55
just a nice jacket. But it's yeah.
1:23:00
So like right now with you just having your furs and whatnot,
1:23:04
your AC is 10 plus your Dex mod. So someone has to roll in?
1:23:08
What's your dex mod 12 12 So someone has to roll a?
1:23:12
12 it's a + 2 so 1012 Yeah, someone.
1:23:17
Has to roll A12A high and be able to actually if they roll
1:23:19
well then that. Would that you guys go back to
1:23:24
the Tavern. All right, so you guys, you get
1:23:28
back to the Tavern. The hushnet in again continuity
1:23:32
here, fires roaring, mugs are full.
1:23:35
Got your whiskey? And the villagers toast to their
1:23:38
saviors. Hey, you guys did all right.
1:23:40
Nobody fucks with Elle Harlow. Everybody here, even Tom, is
1:23:45
like ostrich sometimes. I guess you're all right.
1:23:48
Yeah, thanks, Tom. Plug and say it, God.
1:23:51
Do you really? I'm not even roll for.
1:23:54
It as he does that I walk by and take Tom's drink.
1:23:58
Since he's surprised. Sure. 14.
1:24:06
So he got 11. So he's he's a true commoner.
1:24:09
So I'm just. God damn it, I'll do it.
1:24:13
And then all of a sudden leave my drink.
1:24:16
Go. You.
1:24:21
Know, Dara, I'm going to have you.
1:24:24
I'm I'm, I'm going to have you write down your stats for your
1:24:28
creature as well. You can name them whatever the
1:24:30
hell you want or her, but it's an ice crawler.
1:24:34
It has an AC of 13. I'm going to assume it can crawl
1:24:37
on ice. She said.
1:24:50
She was 18. Got.
1:24:55
A. Fucking lizard I I genuinely did
1:25:06
not put that lizard in there for you to have it.
1:25:09
I got a lizard. I literally did not put that
1:25:11
lizard in there for. Her.
1:25:12
He got a lizard, he got a cool sword, he got a cool jacket.
1:25:15
I have hourglass. You just got a.
1:25:19
Bunch of all right, so damn shame that you guys did you kick
1:25:24
that crate over so. That was all.
1:25:28
The lost, all that stuff. Nothing.
1:25:31
Lizard lizard lizard lizard lizard.
1:25:36
We're retarded. Oh yeah.
1:25:39
All right, so, you know, as everything just kind of goes on,
1:25:43
then I'll wait. You know, people are wondering
1:25:46
like, no way, he's a thief. He's a smother.
1:25:48
Was he? Was he with those guys?
1:25:52
No. Bitch.
1:25:55
I'm. So proud of.
1:26:02
Him Vallejo, you know, are you sitting apart from everybody or
1:26:10
you Vallejo is just sitting apart over there, just cleaning
1:26:16
Hoshiko quiet precision. As I'm cleaning it kind of point
1:26:23
over the thing Shibo I don't. Know what that means?
1:26:27
Bat in Japanese. No way What?
1:26:32
The. Hell.
1:26:38
Fire off my gun. I flip over the bar.
1:26:40
Shot a hole in my hat. Where do you have the Where do
1:26:44
you have the hourglass? I broke my whiskey.
1:26:49
He's just got on. My.
1:26:51
Hip like kind of on the rope belt.
1:26:53
There's always just like a little trail of sand that
1:26:55
disappears in our just kind. Of damage.
1:27:00
From the bite from the fire that's that's no good man.
1:27:11
This looks seasoned. So everything you know just kind
1:27:16
of clears up for the night gets late into the night.
1:27:19
I imagine everybody is going to recede back to where they, well,
1:27:23
as you guys start to stumble home drunkenly disordered or,
1:27:28
you know, just turning in, you know, the sea bells at Ostrich's
1:27:31
place, the shrine of ours, they start to ring.
1:27:35
Yeah. But then something weird happens
1:27:37
because all of a sudden, then again, 1/2 beat later, they ring
1:27:40
again. And then that hourglass that you
1:27:42
have on your hip, it just starts to shimmer faintly, like a
1:27:46
bluish clothes just kind of flickering within, and a single
1:27:49
grain of sand just kind of floats upwards and turns into
1:27:52
like a blue star. And that disappears.
1:28:00
Here it sees that happen, goes. Maybe it's a sign that tomorrow
1:28:03
will be calmer. It won't.
1:28:08
And that in session 0 slash 1. We level up.
1:28:14
Yes, the fuck you do. Hey, no one texted at 9:00 PM
1:28:33
House session zero. I fucking love it but.