Latest / Dear Chelsea / Retirement? with Anna Faris

Transcript

Retirement? with Anna Faris · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Mighty Tour.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: And September I will be in Santa Barbara, San Diego,
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: New York City, Philly and New Haven, Connecticut. October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho,
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: and Spokane.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: And then in November I'll be in San Francisco.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston, Dallas Babies,
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: I'll be there. And then in December I am closing
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So get your
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: tickets at Chelseahandler dot com for the High and Mighty Tour.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Hi Catherine, Chelsea, Hello, Hello Chelsea, Hello Catherine, Chelsea and Catherine.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: I woke up and saw that Hayden Panitier passed away
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: and I was, oh, I had her book in my
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: suitcase because we were supposed to interview her like when
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: I came back from my vacation.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah and.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so that's really really fucking said to see.
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: I know, it's really sad, and it's just the fact
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: that she was only thirty six and she'd already like
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: accomplished so much in her life.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: It really stuck out to me.
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: I'm like, oh my gosh, she had two huge shows,
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: she did all these movies and stuff, and like she
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: was only thirty six.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: But also it's like, you know, she did this whole
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: press tour for.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: The book coming out, right, we were going to do
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: something with her down the road, like so we can
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: talk about the response everybody had to the book and
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: how that impacted her.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: But like, you know, you go through all this shit,
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: you kind of feel.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Like people solve their problems or when they're talking about
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: it somehow there's like this magic potion, and like that's
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: just not the way it is. It's like people's problems
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: aren't solved just because they're doing a press tour about
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: a book that they wrote about the problems. That doesn't
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: mean right they're good. They could be, you know, in
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: many cases they are, but in many cases they're not.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Like she just seemed even when she was doing her
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: press something that didn't seem right, you know, Like I know,
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: and it's just like it's just and she's got a kid,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: and like like just it just makes me so angry.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: And I know it's not just this town and this industry,
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: but it makes me so mad that these people don't
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: have the support that they need. That when a woman
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: who has postpartum like you know it asks for help,
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: you know, unless you have real people in your life
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: that really care about you know.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying she didn't. Of course she did it.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I'm sure she did. I'm sure she is family.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: But it's like you really have to keep an eye
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: on people when they say they have they have they
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: need help and write someone asks for help. Don't leave
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: them like until they tell you they're okay, and you
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: know and you know that they're okay, because clearly she wasn't.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: And I mean, I don't know.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: I guess we'll find out what happened, but you know,
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: I guess I can also connect the dots.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know.
• 2:45
  Speaker 5: It's just it's just so sad.
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: And you're right, it's like, if you're concerned about a friend,
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: like keep after them.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: I think people like don't reach out for help a
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: lot of times until like things are really really serious
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: and they are reaching out for help, Like you got
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: to gotta stick with them.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And also people can overcome bad stuff, like I
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: have a lot of friends in my life that have
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: been through myself included that I've been through rough times
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: and like we've come out of it, and like I've
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: come out of it because of people, because of therapy,
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: because of talking to people, and also just showing up
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: for your friends is a major deal. And like sometimes
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: you think about people who are going through something hard
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: as like oh they're annoying or it's a pain, and
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: they ask to deal with them, and it's like no, no, no, no,
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: that person is suffering, So like go in and double down,
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: don't back off because they're a burden. You've got to
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: go in and try to help. And like, I know,
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: not everybody. Yeah, so that's how I feel about absolutely mad.
• 3:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I am sure she had family and friends
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: that loved her and did everything they could. But this
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: is just a reminder if you're in this situation to
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: do everything you can for your friend.
• 3:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: Well, transitioning to a lighter topic as we go into
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: our interview today, you are somewhere lovely right now.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Yeam, I'm in my my Spanish, my I'm practiced es
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: I practicando me Espanol, nuevo l Espanol, K sabia or
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: k appendia. Joe Juso USO. I just came back from
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: a big bicycle ride and I'm pretty sure I have
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: heat strokes, so I'm a little.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Not on it. I'm like, I need a frozen Dakari
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: stat Yes, absolutely. Have you been in the ocean yet?
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: No, I have not yet been in the ocean. I've
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: been in everything else about the ocean, so that's calling me.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: No, it's like so nice and juicy out there. You've
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: got this nice, big bay and it's beautiful.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Excuse me.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: I just can't stop sleeping. I just want to sleep
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: and sleep and sleep.
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you go into recovery mode. But who do you
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: edit You're there for a couple of weeks. Who all
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: do you have coming to visit?
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: Anybody?
• 5:05
  Speaker 6: Fun?
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Oh? Lots of different people. Yeah, well, lots of different people.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: But I don't want to draw too much attention.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: To the fact that I'm here, because when I pulled
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: up yesterday, there were three girls outside my house taking
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: photos of it, so I think, really.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Which I love, But you know, I'm also like wait
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: what They're like, oh my god, you're here, we do
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: this is your house?
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh no, And then I'm like, oh,
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: my girls, but you know like you know.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Know, the Americans have discovered New York more because of me,
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: my problem.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: More Americans in my marga this year than ever before.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to find another place to go hide
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: my stop talking about it.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: I can't shut the fuck up even when I want to.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Okay, So this week we oh, you know I saw
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: Damon Wayne's last week that this is really absolutely at
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: the comedy store. I was doing sets last week in
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: Los Angeles. My next stand up date is Santa Barbara
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: September eighteenth, and then San Diego September nineteenth, and then
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: I'm coming to phill and Pittsburgh and all the fun places.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: But anyway, Doaminika's with me here in Spain also, so
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: that's fun. She's ever been for her and her eyes
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: are blah blah blah bulging. I keep taking videos of
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: her taking in all the scenery. It's pretty cute. Our
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: guest this week is in a in Scary Movie six
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: six se Scary Movie face created by Damon Wayne's and
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Wayne's brothers.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: That's why I brought Damon up. It was so fun
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: to see him the other night. And you know her.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: From mom oh, and she's in that new movie with
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: Michelle Biteu and Isla and Leslie Mann SPA Weekend, SPA Weekend,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: Please welcome, Anna Faris. One of the joys of being
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: an adult for me personally is being able to light
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: a joint in my own house, or if one of
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: my friends is having a cigarette that they're allowed to
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: smoke it inside my house, obviously with the doors open,
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: because I don't want my house smelling like cigarettes, but
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: I do want my house smelling like marijuana, and so
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: when that is something that is nice to be able
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: to bring a cocktail up to your bedroom for me,
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I like all of that freedom, Like I like to
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: exercise my right to party as an adult, single.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Woman with no parents living with me.
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: What are the other gifts of aging, Chelsea.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I think wisdom and confidence. It gets more and more,
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: you get more and more. You have more wisdom because
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: you have more experience to draw from.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I love those glasses you do. Are they new? No?
• 7:27
  Speaker 5: No, they are not new. They're actually one of the
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: very few things that I took with me right before
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: a house.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Burned down in the Palisades.
• 7:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, oh god, I was really. I was a very
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: I was very poor at evacuating, like I did not
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: do a great job.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Well it's kind of yeah, something that not many people
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: are prepared to do.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah, anyway, so thank you for they are I treat
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: them like shit for them being one of the few things,
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: one of the few relics.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you've got to take good care of them.
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: So where did you go when you let I'm so
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: sorry about your house?
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 8:03
  Speaker 5: Thanks? We went to my in laws down who lived
• 8:07
  Speaker 5: down in Palace Verides. You know the idea I think of.
• 8:13
  Speaker 5: I really leaned into gratitude in an obnoxious way. I
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: think after it felt like there's two roads you can take.
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: Your hand is forced when your your houseprints down, in
• 8:27
  Speaker 5: the sense of, like you, you can lean into like
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: the bitterness and divorce and anger, or you can be like, fuck, okay,
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: I appreciate this, this pair of scissors, I appreciate like,
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: you know, I think.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: What you're saying is really beautiful.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: I think in times like when you are at your lowest,
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: that if you can be grateful for the most mundane
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: things or the minutia in life, just be grateful that
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: you're safe even though your house is gone. I mean,
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: I've never had a house burned down so I don't
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: even want to pretend like I know how devastating that
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: must be. But I can understand really digging in your
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: darkest hour for some sort of light making a lot
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: of sense.
• 9:16
  Speaker 5: It's not like a grief like the loss of a
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: pet or the loss of a close one or something.
• 9:23
  Speaker 5: It's not a death. It's more like a million different winces.
• 9:28
  Speaker 5: Like you WinCE. You spend like the first six months
• 9:33
  Speaker 5: remembering that thing that you had, and that happens like
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: a thousand times a day, so much so, and you
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: can't bring it up all the time. It's obnoxious, I suppose,
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: but there's nothing to be done. So I was at
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: a point in my life when I was kind of
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: feeling that la that my career was like. I was
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: kind of being put out to pasture a little bit.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: I didn't know what my ambition this is before the
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: house burnt down, Like I didn't know I'd worked on
• 10:07
  Speaker 5: mom for seven seasons. I didn't know where I stood,
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: what opportunity there was, and I didn't know. I think
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: when I was younger, it felt my ambition would kick
• 10:20
  Speaker 5: in my survival instincts. So that and the house money
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: was born of that I was at a point around
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: age forty seven, forty six, forty seven, forty eight where
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: I was disturbed by my lack of ambition. I was,
• 10:39
  Speaker 5: in hindsight, I think, pretty depressed, like premenopausal depression without
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: recognizing it. And I was just having a distant relationship
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: with this city and my career and wondering if I
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: had enough money to retire.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Oh wow, you know.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I think that's not an unnatural or uncommon feeling.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: Like I think a lot of people in this industry,
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: myself included, and have had periods of time where you
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: thought like it should I just get out of here?
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, So I'm kind of going through this stuff. The
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: houseprints down, and I had had the gig. I had
• 11:20
  Speaker 5: already been cast in the role of Sophie in SPA Weekend,
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: so I knew I was lucky enough to know that
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: that was going to be happening when the house burnt down,
• 11:32
  Speaker 5: like three weeks later. So we stayed with my in
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: laws and then left for Australia where we shot the movie.
• 11:38
  Speaker 5: And it was incredible. It was incredible to have that job.
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: I still it didn't make me feel like I was
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: having a career resurgence. Necessarily it felt like a great gig,
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: but it didn't. I just didn't. You know, I'm always
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: hedging my bets, although you wouldn't always know it by
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: the way I behave. But so I'm there in Australia
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: on the Goal Coast with three incredible women making this
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: really fun, hysterical movie. It was so good for me.
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: It was such a beautiful place to be, and we
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: had this lovely apartment. It turns out there was like
• 12:17
  Speaker 5: a bunch of productions happening. This isn't all that interesting anyway.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: But movie stars Michelle Buteau, Leslie Mann and Isla Fisher,
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: and you and me, the four of you on a
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: spa weekend with one very chaotic friend.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: We don't know who the chaotic friend is?
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: Yes, should I tell you?
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Sure?
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: Isla, Isla, Isla.
• 12:36
  Speaker 5: Is the chaotic friend is so brilliant. All of the
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: women are brilliant, and I truly it was so incredible
• 12:47
  Speaker 5: to be shooting on the beach, you know, with like
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: the beautiful Australian weather, like to be so far away
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: from the chaos. The red tape of back Home, the
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: decision making of the immediate decision making of what happens
• 13:07
  Speaker 5: when you lose your home. So I was in this
• 13:11
  Speaker 5: kind of surreal, blissful state getting to make this movie
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: with these with these three incredible women, still feeling kind
• 13:18
  Speaker 5: of like the town this is still part of a
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: slow retirement idea. Then Marlon Wayans called and he said,
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: we got our franchise back. Would you be a part
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: of scary movie? And it felt I suddenly I had
• 13:34
  Speaker 5: this rush of like, what if my destiny hasn't quite
• 13:40
  Speaker 5: forged itself in slow aging actress retirement?
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: What if you haven't seen the best of it?
• 13:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah right, yeah, Yeah. It was a very wonderful and
• 13:54
  Speaker 5: heady year for me.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Wow, yeah it was.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: I like that line of thinking because I think that's
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: a great way to look at everything. Like when you
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: hear women and especially in this business, talking about getting older,
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: it's like, oh, there's like, you know, there's this kind
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: of idea of an expiration date once you hit forty
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: and then you see women, but it's things are different now,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: like once you hit forty, you're no longer relevant. Well
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: while I'm fifty one, how old are you now? Forty nine? Okay,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: Like you actually can have all of these things happen
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: to you at a later date. You can actually have
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: the biggest peak of your career at a later date.
• 14:33
  Speaker 5: I love it.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So just because.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: It hasn't happened in the timeframe you thought it was
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: going to happen doesn't mean it's not going to happen.
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: I feel more confident in what.
• 14:43
  Speaker 7: I have to offer right, yes, which might not be
• 14:50
  Speaker 7: I don't know for a wide audience, but I feel
• 14:54
  Speaker 7: a more solid in my own ability.
• 14:59
  Speaker 5: I wish I kind of realized that earlier.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's a that's a coming of age
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: moment too. Everyone always keeps asking me, like, what it's
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: like to be fifty, what's the difference, And it's like,
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: that is the difference, the confidence in your own capability
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: and the no like if you're hired to do something,
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: you're gonna go nail it and hit it out of
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: the park, like that's what you do, and you have
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: done enough times, yeah, to have enough proof that that's
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: what the formula is.
• 15:26
  Speaker 5: Making Scary Movie and being a part of that whole
• 15:29
  Speaker 5: thing has been such a bow tie on, like a
• 15:38
  Speaker 5: triumph of that chapter in my life mentally, because when
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: I got cast in Scary Movie, It was my first
• 15:46
  Speaker 5: audition in LA. I'd never done anything comedic. I wasn't
• 15:51
  Speaker 5: expecting to be successful in LA. I decided to move
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: here because I fell in love, developed a huge cry
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: or whatever that was on a dude, and wanted to
• 16:05
  Speaker 5: dip my toe in. And I got cast immediately in
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: a comedy, which was something I had never done. I
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: thought I was going to get fired. I remember being
• 16:17
  Speaker 5: so anxious, so nervous, and not having any idea of
• 16:22
  Speaker 5: what every moment meant for my future, Like how defining
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: is this going to be? What does this? I didn't know,
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: And I spent I think the first five years in
• 16:33
  Speaker 5: LA feeling that way that, well, this isn't my place.
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: I'm not a comedian, and I think I'm supposed to
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: have like I felt like the best I could hope
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: for was maybe like I would play the neighbor on
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: some mediocre show, or like I didn't I did not
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: have stars in my eyes.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: But did you think you were going to be an
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: actor or did you just do that only because you
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: were following this guy to La?
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Oh really?
• 17:00
  Speaker 6: Yeah?
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: And what's he doing these days?
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: We divorced. He was my first that was.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: Your first husband? Okay, And was he an actor? Yeah, okay,
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: is he still an actor?
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, probably not.
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you don't even know if I would recognize him.
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: Do you have an ex like that that.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: You're probably I mean an ex. I have many people
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: in my life that I wouldn't recognize.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: After. I agree with you, But.
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: I think we're strange in that way, are we?
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I don't think so? Okay, I don't think so.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: I mean not related, not related to like drinking or partying,
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: just related to like, there's been so many people in
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: my life.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: But if you were married to him, that's a little different.
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: I know that's true.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: So you probably would recognize him, I think.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: I mean, if you were married to somebody and didn't
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: recognize him, that's a great plot for a movie.
• 17:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yes, that's true. That is like, you know you're
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: a narcissis.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: I just realized I didn't realize that you had been married.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: So you've been married three times? Yeah, so the third
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: time is a charm?
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Yes, right, because you guys have been married for what
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: thirteen years?
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: No, we've been married for we got married in twenty
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: twenty one.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Twenty twenty one, No, not thirteen years.
• 18:11
  Speaker 5: No, not thirteen years. We've been together for ten almost
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: ten years. Yes, I think I needed to as lame
• 18:19
  Speaker 5: as it sounds, I needed to understand how I wanted
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: to be loved, how I received love. I don't think
• 18:27
  Speaker 5: I did that very well.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: I think that's not uncommon either. I think we all.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, what was your childhood like? Like, did you
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: have a good time as a kid?
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: Were you happy? Say that?
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: No?
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess it's pretty uncommon. I mean I had
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: a very traumatizing childhood, but it was also very happy,
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: Like there was a lot of laughter and a lot
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: of joy, and a lot of high heightened emotions, I
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: should say, in every aspect. So while there was like
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: bad times and neglect, there was also lots of joy.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: And so it's kind of like, I don't know, I
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: don't I wonder is that how you feel about your childhood?
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: Do you look at it like that, like it's a
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: mixed bag, or do you look at it as like
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: a whole?
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, But I also think I was defined by
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: a few things. Having a big older brother. I know,
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: you and I have little sister. Whatever that is in us,
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: it's like the shin kicking. Yeah, the shin kickers, well, like.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: We can take a beating. Yeah, yeah, kind.
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: Of yeah, Yeah, It's definitely made. It's defined elements of
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: my personality in terms of like self sufficiency.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I think you do you think you're yeah, like or tough?
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Do you think you're tough because of that?
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: Yeah? I think yeah, I think.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Do you have thick skin because of that?
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't say I have thicked skin, but I would
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: say that you could push me around and I'll take it. Yeah,
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: I'm easily push aroundable. U. I choose my battles, for sure.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: So you have discernment about choosing your battles.
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, And I don't always take the bait. And I
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: think sometimes that gets perceived as being kind of a
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: push over a week, which yeah, could be that as well. Okay,
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: But I do think that.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Like, if someone treats you poorly, like a director, or
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: someone treats you poorly, are you able to defend yourself
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: in that moment or stand up for yourself barely?
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Barely?
• 20:34
  Speaker 5: I think that when I, like, the early two thousands
• 20:40
  Speaker 5: was a pretty intense time. I mean I didn't know it.
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: I didn't know anything other than my experience because I
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: had I didn't know anybody in the industry, so I
• 20:49
  Speaker 5: had no I hadn't even been on like a large
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: set like I really was. Every moment was pretty new
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: to me.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: So when.
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: Looking back, I do think that the scary movie and
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: doing the comedies that I did it during that time
• 21:09
  Speaker 5: it was tough. I don't know what the dramatic side
• 21:13
  Speaker 5: was like, but I do think it was surprising to
• 21:18
  Speaker 5: me that the comedic sets that I was on seemed
• 21:23
  Speaker 5: to be filled with misery and anger. You know that
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: the comedic world was a place of how would you
• 21:33
  Speaker 5: possibly know if anything was funny? If everyone is just
• 21:36
  Speaker 5: pissed off? Right an ego driven and like.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that is pretty ironic.
• 21:43
  Speaker 5: So I came up with this idea of my position
• 21:48
  Speaker 5: in a movie was like the bounce card, Like I
• 21:52
  Speaker 5: was like making a dude look funnier or I wasn't
• 21:58
  Speaker 5: quite sure and I didn't ever feel hot enough to
• 22:00
  Speaker 5: be that girl.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: Really yeah, what about a house bunny?
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: I was starting to that. I mean, that was different
• 22:08
  Speaker 5: because that was that was actually very empowering and for
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: a multitude of reasons. I the writers of Legally Blond,
• 22:16
  Speaker 5: Karen and Kiwi, asked if they could meet with me.
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: So we had coffee and they said, do you have
• 22:22
  Speaker 5: any characters you're interested in playing? And at the time,
• 22:25
  Speaker 5: I'd been watching Girls next Door, and I thought, what
• 22:28
  Speaker 5: happens to like the lower echelon playboy bunny who she's
• 22:33
  Speaker 5: not a girlfriend, She's not that you know, She's just
• 22:35
  Speaker 5: like there in the bunk house or whatever. And she's
• 22:38
  Speaker 5: but she's getting too old, she doesn't have an education,
• 22:41
  Speaker 5: she didn't land the rich husband. What is she going
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: to do when she has to move on? And that
• 22:47
  Speaker 5: movie came from that conversation I pitched to them. I said,
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: what if she's a meth addict that has to go
• 22:57
  Speaker 5: back to her religious southern town. And Hero was thinking,
• 23:02
  Speaker 5: but this is somehow like this will be my dramatic turn.
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: And they were nodding, and they were like, oh, she
• 23:08
  Speaker 5: could become a house mom at a sorority or something. Yeah, anyway,
• 23:12
  Speaker 5: but I do. I am appreciating this time of getting older,
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: and I am proud of myself for leaning into the positives,
• 23:20
  Speaker 5: which there are a multitude of, and truly getting to
• 23:24
  Speaker 5: revisit scary movie, getting to act with those guys again
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: in this completely different place in my life. Felt incredible,
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: Like the last time I had acted with them was
• 23:37
  Speaker 5: Scary Movie Too. The last time I saw them was
• 23:39
  Speaker 5: in two thousand and one promoting Scary Movie Too. And
• 23:43
  Speaker 5: I just remember all that time being so terrified, just
• 23:47
  Speaker 5: so scared, just so intimidated, so just like I'm a
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: stranger in a strange land.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Just by their whole like kind of world that they
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: had built on that set, because they've been doing it.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: So for so long.
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and my like not believing that I was funny
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: when I auditioned for Scary Movie. So I sent in
• 24:06
  Speaker 5: a tape I had just gotten these managers. I sent
• 24:08
  Speaker 5: in an audition tape from Edmunds from Washington for Scary
• 24:13
  Speaker 5: Movie and two other pilots or TV shows. They asked
• 24:16
  Speaker 5: me if I'd be willing to fly down for Scary Movie,
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: and my mom gave me some miles, So I flew down,
• 24:24
  Speaker 5: crashed with my new hot boyfriend, and I auditioned for Buffy,
• 24:29
  Speaker 5: which was played by Shannon Elizabeth. And that was on
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: the page in the script that was funny. That was
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: the really funny role that I understood. Then they said
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: I'm not going to get that role. On Wednesday, I
• 24:42
  Speaker 5: auditioned for Buffy for three days straight, and then on
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: Wednesday they asked me to audition for Cindy Campbell, the lead,
• 24:49
  Speaker 5: and I was like, I'm not going to get that role.
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: And she's not funny. I don't even understand none of
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: her words are funny. I don't know what to do
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: with this character and she's a brunette. I don't think,
• 24:58
  Speaker 5: so I'm not going to get this role. So then
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: I got it and it's defined in my life ever
• 25:03
  Speaker 5: since that moment, you know that moment was And when
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: I got the call that I got the role On Friday,
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: I was in Burbank and my page went off and
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: it was my managers and I called, like with dread
• 25:19
  Speaker 5: from a payphone at a Mexican restaurant and they said,
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: you got the role. And I had this feeling of
• 25:28
  Speaker 5: light headedness, like I couldn't speak. And my new hot
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: boyfriend and all his hot friends they're like, wa, you
• 25:38
  Speaker 5: call it?
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: You got what?
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: And I didn't even know. I did feel like I
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: had accomplished something, but I had no idea what. I
• 25:47
  Speaker 5: had no idea what it meant. And what it meant
• 25:50
  Speaker 5: was that Monday, I was up in Vancouver rehearsing with
• 25:56
  Speaker 5: people who had experience, who knew what to do, who
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: understood their role in comedy, and I thought, they're going
• 26:07
  Speaker 5: to fire me. They're going to fire me. Keenan's going
• 26:09
  Speaker 5: to fire me. And Keenan was this is this majestic
• 26:14
  Speaker 5: you know figure that's sort of you can't help it.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: Beat.
• 26:17
  Speaker 5: Have you met Keenan?
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, yeah, they Like I love all those brothers
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: because they just, I mean, they're so funny and they
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: don't take themselves very seriously. And Keenan, Yeah, Keenan's kind
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: of like the leader of all of them. I guess
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: he's the oldest, so that makes sense, right.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Is he the oldest?
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I mean they're awesome, funny, funny guys.
• 26:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, totally intimidating. And I was just like, I don't
• 26:41
  Speaker 5: remember saying anything out loud except for my lines, and maybe,
• 26:47
  Speaker 5: like what.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: It's just so funny to hear an actress talk about
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: how scary it was for you to be on a set,
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: because I think most people would perceive an actor or
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: an actress to really be ready for it, to be
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: on camp, and not to have those kinds of nerves
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: or qualms. So I think it's probably really interesting for
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: our listeners to hear you talk about.
• 27:06
  Speaker 5: Oh my god, I like, I remember how yellow my
• 27:09
  Speaker 5: teeth were, Like I didn't know anything. I didn't No
• 27:14
  Speaker 5: one told I just didn't know anything.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: I didn't know. What did you do to did you?
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: What did you do to call your nerves?
• 27:20
  Speaker 5: Like?
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Were you able to do anything? Nothing right?
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: Nothing like? I? Yeah, I was, I was. I felt
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: like I was just hanging on by the skin of
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: my teeth, right, And I remember I was so impressed
• 27:36
  Speaker 5: by how we in Scary movie. We have the original
• 27:40
  Speaker 5: cast members and then we also have a new generation
• 27:44
  Speaker 5: and the young generation. Those actors were so supportive of
• 27:49
  Speaker 5: each other. They didn't seem to be as jocking like
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: ego wise as I remember those environments being in the
• 27:58
  Speaker 5: early two thousands. It felt like they would say to
• 28:02
  Speaker 5: each other, oh, that was hysterical, that was that. I
• 28:06
  Speaker 5: feel like those kinds of compliments. It was felt cutthroat.
• 28:09
  Speaker 5: From an immediate moment. Everyone was talking about their next gig.
• 28:15
  Speaker 5: I had no next gig. I didn't. I felt really
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: lonely during those days, I think, right, And it wasn't
• 28:24
  Speaker 5: on anybody. It was a circumstantial idea and also feeling like,
• 28:30
  Speaker 5: you know, I got after the movie wrapped. I moved
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: to La having no idea what this city was about.
• 28:39
  Speaker 5: And I would go on these general meetings with studio
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: executives or TV executives or whatever, and they would say,
• 28:47
  Speaker 5: so you do comedy. I would be like, no, no,
• 28:52
  Speaker 5: I don't. I don't do comedy.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: No.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: And so you didn't have any ideals about being an actress,
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: but then you did comedy, and then you were like,
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: I just don't want to be a comedic actress because
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: you didn't really come out here to become an actress.
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I was just dipping my toe and I wanted and.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: Then you wanted to get away from comedy as soon
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: as you tried that.
• 29:11
  Speaker 5: I just didn't think it was I was good at it.
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: I never I had never I understood how to play
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: a character sincerely with conviction, which turns out I guess
• 29:24
  Speaker 5: that's all you need. I think I think too, like
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: for so long I have felt the pressure to feel grateful,
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: like I know that I have these opportunities that so
• 29:42
  Speaker 5: many people would want, that so many people would like
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: I am living, you know, a dream. But it always
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: came with this thing of like it's still such an
• 29:56
  Speaker 5: ill fitting shoe for me. When journalists would say early on,
• 30:01
  Speaker 5: they would ask, are you worried about being typecast? Like,
• 30:06
  Speaker 5: I get you're asking the question, and yeah, I mean yes.
• 30:11
  Speaker 5: And I felt like I couldn't really get auditions for
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: dramatic work. You couldn't help but be emotionally invested in
• 30:19
  Speaker 5: work that didn't even feel that good, like words that
• 30:24
  Speaker 5: were just kind of lame to say. But yet I
• 30:28
  Speaker 5: had a little bit of resentment that it crossed my
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: mind that Keenan, while he gave me this huge gift,
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: it along the way in the arrogance of my twenties,
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: I did feel envious of people who got their big
• 30:49
  Speaker 5: break in a different way. And I think that is
• 30:53
  Speaker 5: a really ungracious idea. And it was only in the
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: last like year I think that I really started to
• 31:05
  Speaker 5: notice and appreciate when, if and when people recognize me,
• 31:11
  Speaker 5: they would usually smile, you know, like they'd be like, oh, yeah,
• 31:15
  Speaker 5: like thinking about something fucking stupid I did and go
• 31:19
  Speaker 5: on screen, and I really started to notice that and
• 31:26
  Speaker 5: absorb that.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: Do you think that has to do with not drinking? Yeah,
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: because I know you stop drinking. Yeah, so maybe that
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: lit that up a little bit, right.
• 31:34
  Speaker 5: One of the many gifts. It turns out there's a
• 31:36
  Speaker 5: correlation between drinking and depression. For me for sure, Okay, sure,
• 31:45
  Speaker 5: I had to take a step back and not self sabotage.
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think that that happens to so many people.
• 31:55
  Speaker 5: You know, no hormone patches.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and things change also, like drinking changes as you
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: get older. It's not the same, it doesn't have the
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: same effect impact. I mean, all things change as you
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: get older. So you have to really be like kind
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: of in touch with your person, you know, like I
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: don't drink the way I used to drink. I drink,
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: but I can't, you know, like I just don't have
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: the same I don't even have the same desire.
• 32:21
  Speaker 5: I finally got on hormones, the hormone patch. Did you
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: have any hormone issues? It made a huge difference for me.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And for in terms of like feeling that sinking
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: feeling or that low vibe. I started to feel that
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: and that's not my energy at all. Like I usually
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: have like a lot of energy and I can be up.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I went through a phase where and it
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: was totally my hormones. They're like, you have absolutely no estrogen,
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: And I was on estrogen, but I was on the
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: wrong dosage of it. So then they flipped it around
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: and they increased my dosage because they're like you I said,
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: I'm on it, and they're like, yeah, but that you
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: have none, so it's not enough. So then when they
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: increased my within twenty four hours, I went from like
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: I remember talking to someone going listen, I'm not going
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: to kill myself or anything. This is and this was like,
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: I don't know, six months a year ago. I'm not
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: really good with time. I said, I'm not going to
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: kill myself or anything. But if I were, if we
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: were all to agree right now on some sort of
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: group euthanasia, I would be down. Yeah, I'm like, I'm
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: not going to hurt myself, but I just don't care.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: Like it's almost the feeling of you just And it's
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: the closest I've ever had to what people describe as depression.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: So I don't want to claim that I've had that either,
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: because I don't have enough experience to talk about that personally.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: But it's the lowest I've ever felt without having a solution,
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: and it's almost like a loss of hopefulness. So as
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: soon as the hormone like and it was within twenty
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: four hours, I felt the feeling that I could hang
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: on to was a feeling hopeful again. I was like,
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: oh wait a second, Okay, hold on, I can deal
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: with this, you know, like these are all circumstances that
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: I can deal with and I can attack and like,
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: you know, be proactive about. But there was a feeling
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: of helplessness before that that just felt.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: So empty, and you're just like, what is wrong with me?
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: This is not me. I I'm compounding that with alcohol.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: I can understand this, it's not Yeah.
• 34:18
  Speaker 5: And a death of a career that I felt confused about, Yeah, but.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: Your career is not dead.
• 34:23
  Speaker 5: So that has been like the awesome fucking thing I
• 34:26
  Speaker 5: think has it has really felt doing this press tour
• 34:30
  Speaker 5: for Scary Movie, getting to be on set. The first
• 34:35
  Speaker 5: time I saw Marlin I was getting fit for my
• 34:39
  Speaker 5: hair and makeup. I hadn't seen him since two thousand
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: and one. On a press tour. I was getting fitted
• 34:44
  Speaker 5: for a week. He comes into hair and makeup and
• 34:46
  Speaker 5: he's like, oh, Fare is like, oh, you've changed, You've changed.
• 34:50
  Speaker 5: He comes in, he's so big and handsome and just Marlin.
• 34:55
  Speaker 5: And he comes in with a bunch of people and
• 34:58
  Speaker 5: I leapt up out of my hair makeup chair and
• 35:00
  Speaker 5: I grabbed him by the forearms and I was like, Marlin,
• 35:04
  Speaker 5: I need you to know I am so fucking grateful
• 35:08
  Speaker 5: to be here. I can't believe I get to thank
• 35:11
  Speaker 5: you in person, and I love you. And he was
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: like at first, he was he like he was taking
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: a BacT by my intensity. But I felt this desperation
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: of like I got to tell him. I got to
• 35:23
  Speaker 5: tell him that this moment means so much to me
• 35:28
  Speaker 5: because I do feel like that the getting to recognize
• 35:35
  Speaker 5: and take in the gift that Keenan gave me, and
• 35:40
  Speaker 5: that opportunity to thank him for my comedic journey.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: You know, it's cute. Yeah, I love that.
• 35:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's it's been I don't know a lot of
• 35:54
  Speaker 5: people who get that, because I did think about them
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: a lot at night. You know, I want I would
• 36:00
  Speaker 5: like I would think like I never I never got
• 36:04
  Speaker 5: a chance to thank Keenan, to like really really thank
• 36:09
  Speaker 5: him after all these years have gone by, and that's
• 36:12
  Speaker 5: been such a defining part of my life and launched
• 36:15
  Speaker 5: me into comedy and like, which has been this foreign feeling,
• 36:21
  Speaker 5: and the comedy world has given me so much that
• 36:26
  Speaker 5: I did not realize.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: You know, let's pivot a little to your family life,
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: because I want to talk about raising because your son's
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: thirteen now, and you have a stepdaughter.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: Yea, how old is she?
• 36:36
  Speaker 5: She's twenty three, okay, twenty two.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: And you've been in her life for ten years. Yeah, yeah, right,
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: so you're pretty into your stepdaughter. You guys are really close.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: We're getting closer, Okay.
• 36:48
  Speaker 5: I love her. I'm really proud of her. I think
• 36:52
  Speaker 5: that I was a stepmom that really didn't know. I
• 36:57
  Speaker 5: feel I was ill equipped to be a mom. Like
• 37:00
  Speaker 5: I was kind of on the fence about being a mom.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: But anyone, I mean, who is equipped, Like even if
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: you plan to have a baby, and you, I mean
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: no one. I feel like everyone goes into that equally
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: because you can plan all you want, but once you
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: get that baby, it's like all plans are off the table.
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but you know when that little sister thing kicks
• 37:17
  Speaker 5: in in a way that's not motherly, that's like, that's
• 37:22
  Speaker 5: a little antagonistic, that's a little challenging. Like something about
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: having a stepdaughter kicked that in a little bit. Okay,
• 37:31
  Speaker 5: a little bit, but she is incredible. She just graduated
• 37:34
  Speaker 5: from Georgetown with honors. Totally driven and we're getting closer.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: What do you think is different between parenting like a
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: girl versus a boy. I guess it's different because you're
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: a stepmother and then you have your son. But because
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: I always look at stepparenting as like the ultimate, like
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: that's ideal, maybe not for the children, but for the parents,
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: because like that's the kind of situation I could ease into,
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: is being a step parent.
• 37:59
  Speaker 5: I think my son is. He's like as solid as
• 38:03
  Speaker 5: a tug boat emotionally. He just doesn't get easily oh jarred.
• 38:09
  Speaker 5: He handles situations really well. He is religious, and are
• 38:16
  Speaker 5: you religious? No, I didn't grow up with religion. He's
• 38:20
  Speaker 5: asked me to accept Jesus Christ.
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: As your savior.
• 38:26
  Speaker 5: Uh huh okay, And I said, I told him that
• 38:30
  Speaker 5: I would do anything for him, including this, but it's
• 38:35
  Speaker 5: going to take a whole lot of long conversations. And
• 38:41
  Speaker 5: he's impressive. Actually he's impressive because I try to challenge him.
• 38:47
  Speaker 5: I'm like, do you think it's a luxury that you
• 38:49
  Speaker 5: get to be pro life. Do you think that's kind
• 38:52
  Speaker 5: of a luxury. He's like maybe, Or I'll say, so,
• 38:57
  Speaker 5: what do you think of this megabaster and it's kind
• 39:00
  Speaker 5: of a grifter? What do you think He's like, Oh,
• 39:02
  Speaker 5: megapastors are the worst. So it's like, okay, he's got
• 39:07
  Speaker 5: We're getting there. I mean, I'm appreciative that he's examining
• 39:14
  Speaker 5: religion the way he is in terms of recognizing hypocrisy,
• 39:20
  Speaker 5: starting to recognize hypocrisy, and I'm appreciative that we can
• 39:24
  Speaker 5: have these long conversations and maybe I'll get back into
• 39:26
  Speaker 5: the podcasting world.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: Why did you stop doing your podcast? I you were
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: like one of the pioneers of podcasting, you and Mark Marin,
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: who have both stopped doing their podcast.
• 39:38
  Speaker 5: I started in two thousand and sixteen, early twenty sixteen,
• 39:43
  Speaker 5: and I had planned on having like four five listeners.
• 39:47
  Speaker 5: I didn't plan I didn't even know you could make money.
• 39:50
  Speaker 5: It was this awesome chapter in my life. And when
• 39:53
  Speaker 5: people will come up to me at the grocery store
• 39:54
  Speaker 5: or wherever and say, oh, I listened to your podcast,
• 39:57
  Speaker 5: it did feel like a secret. It felt like I
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: was I wanted to build a community. I wanted that idea.
• 40:04
  Speaker 5: I didn't want to have celebrity guests. I wanted to
• 40:07
  Speaker 5: just talk to strangers. And it became, you know, like
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: it became a larger thing more quickly than I kind
• 40:17
  Speaker 5: of was ready for. But I also I realized too,
• 40:22
  Speaker 5: it was so important for me to have my own
• 40:25
  Speaker 5: sense of narrative, my own way to control the story,
• 40:27
  Speaker 5: even though, like because between going through a divorce, between
• 40:31
  Speaker 5: being on mom like it was it was liberating in like,
• 40:36
  Speaker 5: if I had to ever round out my storyline, my story,
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: my personal story I had. I had, I had an avenue,
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: and I also loved having intimacy with strangers that didn't
• 40:52
  Speaker 5: that wasn't around the celebrity element of my life, although
• 40:57
  Speaker 5: it became something different when we did as celebrity guests.
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: Of course. Anyway, why did I stop doing it? I
• 41:03
  Speaker 5: think I sort of stopped enjoying it as much. I guess, Yeah,
• 41:09
  Speaker 5: I don't know what about you. I mean, it is
• 41:12
  Speaker 5: exhausting in its own particular way.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think with mine, it feels like I find
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: it just to be like I like, I like what
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: you say about incorporating regular people, normal people, Like that's.
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: What we do.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: We have callers that call in, so that keeps me
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: like motivated about it, you know. So it's not just
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: celebrity driven or guests driven. There's another element.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: To it that's nice. But it always kind of turns
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: into that.
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: I think podcasts always kind of turn into your celebrity guests,
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: you know. So that's why I admire a lot of
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: podcasts that don't go down that road. But I like
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: it because I just like talking and I like listening
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: to you know, I mean, I like hearing people's stories.
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: So, but I can understand also not wanting to you know,
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: also not wanting to do it. I mean, now it's
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: like you're kind of probably glad that you're not doing
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: it because everyone and their mother has a podcast.
• 41:59
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's true that it did feel like early on
• 42:04
  Speaker 5: it was so a lot of celebrities weren't so scared
• 42:07
  Speaker 5: to do it too. They didn't really know what it was.
• 42:10
  Speaker 5: It was just like, wait, we're going to hang out
• 42:12
  Speaker 5: at that actress's house. So I think people were a
• 42:16
  Speaker 5: little less guarded, which was including myself. Maybe I'll miss
• 42:20
  Speaker 5: it in a couple of years. Maybe I should get
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: back on that horse at some point. I'd be nice
• 42:24
  Speaker 5: to have the door open again.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: Well, I bet people would welcome your return.
• 42:29
  Speaker 5: Thanks.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: Should we take some callers house so she can get
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: into ready to talk to people?
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let's talk to some regular people so we can
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: inspire you. I love that. Well.
• 42:42
  Speaker 4: Our first caller today is Courtney, and she's in a
• 42:45
  Speaker 4: little bit of a messy situation. So she says, Dear Chelsea,
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: my name's Courtney, and my husband and two young kids
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: currently live with my eighty two year old mother in law.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: We've lived here for over two years.
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: Under the condition that she can no longer financially or
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: physically maintain this house by her and one day would
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: like to pass the house to my husband.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: To split with his brother.
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: We live in one of the most expensive cities in
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: the US, so to be able to inherit a house
• 43:08
  Speaker 4: in a nice neighborhood with good public schools is truly
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: a gift, But we're learning that that gift comes with
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: a hefty price. The main issue is my relationship with
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: my mother in law. I started having problems with her
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: the moment we moved in. She'd make passive, aggressive comments
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: on how I was doing something, comment on my parenting,
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: and even try to meddle in my marriage. Things came
• 43:26
  Speaker 4: to a blow a few times, and we've had many
• 43:28
  Speaker 4: heart to heart conversations where I would firmly state my boundaries.
• 43:32
  Speaker 4: She would seem apologetic and receptive in the moment, but
• 43:35
  Speaker 4: she is who she is. It's gotten to the point
• 43:37
  Speaker 4: where I truly just avoid interactions with her until it
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: has to do with the kids. If she's in the
• 43:41
  Speaker 4: kitchen making coffee, I'll wait for her to leave before
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: I walk in. I don't speak unless she speaks first.
• 43:46
  Speaker 4: My husband tolerates her better than I can, but even
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: he's getting worn down by her need to step into
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: a situation and parent us. If it were up to me,
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: i'd tell her to sell the house, downgrade to a
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: retirement community where she could make friends and be happier,
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: and just give my husband the money to use as
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: he sees fit for our family. But she's so attached
• 44:03
  Speaker 4: to this house and wants to stay, even though she
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: has to rely on us to make that happen. And
• 44:07
  Speaker 4: my husband wants to raise our kids here and has
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: poured so much sweat equity into the house he doesn't
• 44:11
  Speaker 4: want to let it go either.
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm.
• 44:12
  Speaker 4: Going crazy and could use some perspective and some advice
• 44:15
  Speaker 4: on how to fix a relationship with an elderly family
• 44:17
  Speaker 4: member who is never going to change her ways.
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: Courtney, Hi, that sounds like a fucking hot mess situation
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: that you're in.
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: It's not great.
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: I know you can't you guys can't figure out a
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: way financially to make it work for you to move out?
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean that always is like the obvious answer,
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: you know, And I'm complaining to my friends, venting to
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: my family. They're just like, well, why do you live there?
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: You don't have to live there, you can move out,
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: And it feels it truly feels like it's not an
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: option for me because you know, my husband and I
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: were a package deal. And it's like, all of a sudden,
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: I'm being put in a position where I'm calling the
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: shots and I'm telling them that they need to uproot
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: their life and all decisions that they've made.
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: You avoiding going in the kitchen because your mother in
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: law's in there is like that's really unhealthy. Like if
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: you can't be in a living situation where you have
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: your because like you have to worry about a the
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: example you're setting be like your happiness and comfort level,
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: and like all of those things are going to have
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: an impact and effectuate your relationship, your marriage, your relationship
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: with your children. Like it just doesn't seem like it's
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: a I mean, you are in a position because you're
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: one of the heads of the household with you and
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: your husband a stensive or theoretically like, you are in
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: a position to say this isn't a healthy situation for us.
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: I mean sitting there and waiting for her to what
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: sell the house or die? Like, what are you waiting for?
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: It truly feels like it's a rock and a hard place.
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: And other than that dynamic and her being a part
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: of our lives, like my husband and I are a
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: really good team and we the four of us, like
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: our little family work really well together. And so there's
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: moments where she's in her room for a really really
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: long time and it's like, feels really good in the house. Yeah,
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: fibes are high, and then she walks into the room
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: and it completely changes.
• 46:08
  Speaker 5: So let me ask you a couple of things, if
• 46:10
  Speaker 5: you don't mind, how feasible is this retirement home idea?
• 46:15
  Speaker 5: Has she expressed interest in it?
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: No? So it's almost like when I've asked, why is
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: that not a consideration? It's like, how dare you right?
• 46:27
  Speaker 5: Ask ye? The unfortunate thing is with most family decisions,
• 46:32
  Speaker 5: you are in a position to be proactive decision maker
• 46:37
  Speaker 5: with this big thing of your mother in law in
• 46:41
  Speaker 5: your life so much. Unfortunately you, by circumstance cannot be
• 46:48
  Speaker 5: the main proactive member of this decision making because it'll
• 46:52
  Speaker 5: drive a wedge between your between all of you guys essentially,
• 46:56
  Speaker 5: So I wonder how is your husband is is your
• 47:00
  Speaker 5: husband do you ever get frustrated with your husband being
• 47:03
  Speaker 5: a passive player in this or does he understand and
• 47:08
  Speaker 5: is he on equal level with your frustration?
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: Like it's a really hard position for him to be in.
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: Does feel like he is in the middle, He's like,
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: this is my mom, this is my wife. Yeah, you
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: guys need to figure it out.
• 47:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah, And that's not exactly fair for him, that sentiment.
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but yeah, so he kind of looks at us
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: like we're both pretty immature in the situation. Do you
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: feel that I admittedly have had some situations that I'm
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: not proud of the way that I handled them, Like
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: I've really become unglued, and he really is helpful to
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: remind me that I can focus on what I can control,
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: and I can control my reaction, and I can control
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: the way she makes me feel, but I can't control
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: what she's going to do, what she's gonna say. So
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: really helpful and reminding me to let it go and
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: not let it affect me so much. And for the
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: most part, I really try. But then it's also kind
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: of like you're just pushing things down and they faster.
• 48:15
  Speaker 5: Did you guys used to have a closer relationship you
• 48:18
  Speaker 5: and your mother in law. Was there ever a time?
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, when my husband and I first started dating, we
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: would talk and it was very friendly and nice, and
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: just circumstances that she's gone in her life through the
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: last ten years just been really bad decline for her
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: mental state and her physical state. And I do see,
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: like how that's really sad. I'm not going to come
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: in here and just like tell her she needs to
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: I don't know, she's you know, she's getting older. There's
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: only once she can do, and she's really depressed and
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: she sits in her room and she watches the news.
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: That's help.
• 49:01
  Speaker 5: So I wonder how we can change this element, like
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: with a.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: Lot to deal with. I mean, it's just so much
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: to deal with. Like, I just don't think that there's
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: a good solution here.
• 49:10
  Speaker 5: You know, but she needs some degree of change, whether
• 49:14
  Speaker 5: it's like she goes to a senior center pottery class. Courtney,
• 49:19
  Speaker 5: I have a horrible suggestion that you're gonna hate. But
• 49:23
  Speaker 5: how would it make you feel if you invited her
• 49:28
  Speaker 5: for like a fifteen minute walk every morning?
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: I know, you know what I mean.
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 49:37
  Speaker 5: I mean, I just think she needs some kind of
• 49:41
  Speaker 5: change right like she's and I can only imagine the
• 49:46
  Speaker 5: kind of passive, aggressive language skills you guys have developed.
• 49:50
  Speaker 5: So I do think something needs to change. This is
• 49:53
  Speaker 5: a tough situation for all of you guys. And I
• 49:55
  Speaker 5: do think she needs a small change in her life
• 50:00
  Speaker 5: so we can get her to the retirement home sooner.
• 50:04
  Speaker 5: And I think if she starts to have a little
• 50:06
  Speaker 5: bit of irregularity, even just like one thing a day,
• 50:11
  Speaker 5: I don't know, Like, Courtney, do you think I'm on
• 50:13
  Speaker 5: the right track here?
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: I think you're maybe suggesting that I could help be
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: like a little.
• 50:20
  Speaker 5: I want your mother in law to move out. This
• 50:24
  Speaker 5: is my goal. I want her to move out and
• 50:26
  Speaker 5: go to a retirement home and play bingo all day
• 50:30
  Speaker 5: long and make new friends and stuff like that. But
• 50:33
  Speaker 5: I know that kind of radical change. This is like
• 50:36
  Speaker 5: an eight month process here, ten month process.
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know that we can count on
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: her moving out though, because it's her house and that
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: feels like she's being kicked out of her own house
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: and they're waiting for her to move out, you know what.
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's why they're there, right, because you're waiting
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: for her to move out or basically to die.
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: Essentially, I mean, as morbid as that sounds. But yeah,
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: she's like, I don't want to go anywhere, right, she
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: needs us to make that happen.
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So it's pretty tricky because she's gonna I mean,
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: she's she's already feeling like they're there because they want
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: something from her. And the more depressed she becomes, the
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: more angry she's going to become, you guys, and the
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: more she's going to get into like you know, that
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: victim mentality, like all they want from me. I mean,
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: my dad got really old and was like, you guys
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: just want my money.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: My dad didn't even have any money. We're like, we
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: don't want your money.
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: You don't have any like we're trying to make your
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: life more, you know better.
• 51:28
  Speaker 5: So many old people fall into like bitterness.
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: I know, but it's I mean, you're getting older. It's
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: not pleasant like that. Tell her that, yeah, tell her that.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: Tell her honestly, dad.
• 51:39
  Speaker 5: Is going to suck.
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 51:41
  Speaker 8: I wish I had a good I wish I had
• 51:43
  Speaker 8: a good suggestion, But I mean, I have a question
• 51:46
  Speaker 8: because there's a little bit of like stuff in here
• 51:49
  Speaker 8: about when she does move out of the house, whichever
• 51:52
  Speaker 8: direction that is death or a nursing home, that the
• 51:55
  Speaker 8: house is going to get sold and it's going to
• 51:57
  Speaker 8: be split between your husband and the brother.
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: Isn't that something that would likely happen anyway, even if
• 52:03
  Speaker 4: you guys are not living in this situation that's toxic
• 52:06
  Speaker 4: for you.
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: Well, I think the goal is to just buy out
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: his brother's share and then resurf.
• 52:13
  Speaker 4: Okay, you guys would stay in the house ideally. Yeah,
• 52:17
  Speaker 4: Are you in any individual therapy? That's my other question.
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: I was, I was okay during the first year that
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: all of this really started unraveling, and I haven't been
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: for a while, and I shared that with her, you know,
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: I shared like this has been really hard on me.
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: I am therapy and I'm working on myself and I'm
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: working on this and because this is not sustainable and
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: I'm really unhappy. So she's been told.
• 52:45
  Speaker 4: That, right, But that's a little bit like I'm in
• 52:48
  Speaker 4: therapy because of you, and a lot of this feels
• 52:51
  Speaker 4: like I've been here too, where it's like I'm upset
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: with the other person because I need to control what
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: they're doing.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: And I think a therapy.
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: It's not just about pushing it down and like ignoring it.
• 53:03
  Speaker 4: It's about getting to a place where she really can
• 53:06
  Speaker 4: make some comment about your parenting and it really does
• 53:09
  Speaker 4: roll off like you don't have to worry about what
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: she says.
• 53:13
  Speaker 6: You're an adult.
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: You're gonna make your decisions for your kids along with
• 53:16
  Speaker 4: your husband, by yourself. But I think working with a
• 53:19
  Speaker 4: therapist on a regular basis can help you with those
• 53:22
  Speaker 4: like day to day stuff while you're still in this
• 53:24
  Speaker 4: like co living situation.
• 53:27
  Speaker 5: How old are your kids three and six? Oh boy,
• 53:30
  Speaker 5: so you're in it. You are just in life right now?
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: Oh boy?
• 53:37
  Speaker 5: Does she enjoy the grandkids at all?
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: My youngest is very sweet, very outgoing, very personable, and
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: so he has a really cute relationship with her. My
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: oldest just doesn't really go out of his way. He
• 53:52
  Speaker 3: doesn't see that there's a lot in common for him. There.
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: Do you guys ever have like dinner together?
• 53:57
  Speaker 3: You know, to be honest with you, just because of
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: the age of kids, it's really focused around them at
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: dinner time, right, yea, So we tried to do the
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: sit at the dining table and I'll have dinner together.
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: We did that for a few months and it just
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: my they just make it so unpleasant.
• 54:16
  Speaker 5: Oh boy, Right, if your mother in law is slight,
• 54:21
  Speaker 5: even slightly happier, it'll make all of you happier, and
• 54:25
  Speaker 5: maybe it'll can change some of the patterns of communication.
• 54:29
  Speaker 5: She's not used to your ways, your where you put
• 54:34
  Speaker 5: the thing or how you clean the thing, And gosh,
• 54:38
  Speaker 5: I am feeling for you.
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: I know, I know, I wish I don't have any
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: I don't know what to tell you to do other
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: than to remove yourself from that situation and move out until.
• 54:49
  Speaker 5: You just understand the next fucking seven years of your
• 54:53
  Speaker 5: life are going to be small degrees of health.
• 54:56
  Speaker 4: Your I mean probably not if she's having health issues
• 54:59
  Speaker 4: already about seven.
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: But yeah, but also sitting around waiting for somebody to
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: expire is also no.
• 55:04
  Speaker 4: Living day today, and put having your kids live day
• 55:07
  Speaker 4: today in a house where like they walk in where
• 55:10
  Speaker 4: room and can cut the tension with a knife isn't
• 55:12
  Speaker 4: good for them either.
• 55:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I wonder how we can just change her circumstances
• 55:17
  Speaker 5: a little bit if they're her degree of happiness. She
• 55:20
  Speaker 5: sounds pretty lonely and miserable and just upset it as
• 55:24
  Speaker 5: she goes into mental decline whatever that means obsessing about
• 55:28
  Speaker 5: certain things, lashing it out on you. You know that,
• 55:32
  Speaker 5: like ever since Courtney rearranged the thing, I can't find
• 55:37
  Speaker 5: where the other thing is or whatever her fucking grievance is.
• 55:41
  Speaker 5: I I just wonder if bumping her mood changing her
• 55:47
  Speaker 5: regular routine in any way is a worthy experiment, and
• 55:51
  Speaker 5: whether that is.
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: It's definitely worthy because there's no other ideas, so it's
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: worthwhile to try something.
• 55:58
  Speaker 5: You get it, get her a cat.
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: I don't know, she probably complained about that too, if
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: she's really in a bitter stay.
• 56:05
  Speaker 4: But I do like the idea you had about like
• 56:07
  Speaker 4: fifteen minutes in the morning, whether it's a walk or coffee,
• 56:10
  Speaker 4: because like.
• 56:10
  Speaker 5: You're taking into a senior center, to the library or
• 56:13
  Speaker 5: I don't even know if she would agree coordinay to.
• 56:16
  Speaker 5: I just think she needs a change in routines somehow,
• 56:23
  Speaker 5: she needs to have her world open up a little
• 56:25
  Speaker 5: bit so it's not continuing to close in around you guys.
• 56:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I completely agree, and I wish I had, you know,
• 56:34
  Speaker 3: an easy response for that.
• 56:37
  Speaker 5: Are you close with your brother in law?
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't say close, but we have a good relationship.
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: He's in a different state, so okay, okay.
• 56:45
  Speaker 5: I just wonder if you could use some local resources
• 56:48
  Speaker 5: in your area, especially as her mental health is declining,
• 56:52
  Speaker 5: because sometimes a lot of people will lean into bitterness
• 56:56
  Speaker 5: and anger and that's going to be poisonous for all
• 57:00
  Speaker 5: of you, guys. I think starting my suggestion would be
• 57:04
  Speaker 5: start with small steps for her and Courtney. You are
• 57:09
  Speaker 5: living an existence right now where you have to operate
• 57:13
  Speaker 5: with extreme generosity and it is so fucking hard. Keep going.
• 57:20
  Speaker 5: It's a long game, you know, and in two years
• 57:24
  Speaker 5: this will be a different circumstance. You for better for work, probably,
• 57:29
  Speaker 5: you know what I mean. This time is happening, she's declining.
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: So and also get back into therapy so that you
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: have somebody to event to like on the regular that
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: isn't your husband.
• 57:40
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you just keep long gaming it, you know, Chelsea
• 57:44
  Speaker 5: and I were talking about my relationship with my stepdaughter
• 57:47
  Speaker 5: and how we had all these turbulent times, and when
• 57:52
  Speaker 5: I was thinking clearly, I could take a deep breath
• 57:56
  Speaker 5: and think about the long game, think about like, okay,
• 58:00
  Speaker 5: like she's going to remember me getting really pissed off
• 58:03
  Speaker 5: at this one thing. She'll remember that more than for
• 58:08
  Speaker 5: a longer period of time than I will. How do
• 58:11
  Speaker 5: I how do I protect this relationship? How do I
• 58:13
  Speaker 5: protect my husband? How do I protect our relationship with
• 58:18
  Speaker 5: these challenging circumstances that are inescapable? And I do know
• 58:23
  Speaker 5: that your mom may need a small change and you
• 58:28
  Speaker 5: can kind of go from there. She may fucking hate it,
• 58:30
  Speaker 5: and I don't know if it can come from you.
• 58:32
  Speaker 5: You and your husband might have to do some good brains,
• 58:34
  Speaker 5: do some.
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: Good brainstorming and try and think of something different.
• 58:37
  Speaker 5: Podcast where I gave advice I should have warned you.
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: But but thank you for calling in, Courtney.
• 58:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, thank you so much for your guys's time.
• 58:47
  Speaker 5: And thank you for, like hear'd doing hard work right now,
• 58:51
  Speaker 5: Courtney good job, good job, You're doing great, you really are.
• 58:55
  Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you so much.
• 58:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah, thank you, thanks for sharing.
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: Bye bye.
• 59:05
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 59:05
  Speaker 4: Our next caller is Pablo, and he says, Dear Chelsea,
• 59:09
  Speaker 4: I'm from the Dominican Republic. Basically, my issue is that
• 59:12
  Speaker 4: I'm always home. I have a good, fully remote job
• 59:15
  Speaker 4: with an international company, doing work in my career path
• 59:17
  Speaker 4: which I love, software architect. But because of that, I
• 59:20
  Speaker 4: don't get out a lot. My life has turned kind
• 59:22
  Speaker 4: of gray. Thankfully, I have a husband whom I love,
• 59:25
  Speaker 4: but I don't have any friends. I can spend months
• 59:27
  Speaker 4: where the only person I see in real life is
• 59:28
  Speaker 4: my husband.
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: I'm so with you, Pablo. It's a weird thing that
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: keeps having I don't know.
• 59:34
  Speaker 4: The thing is, I don't have any activities that I
• 59:36
  Speaker 4: enjoy that could lead me to meeting new people. I
• 59:38
  Speaker 4: don't go to an office, I don't study anymore, and
• 59:40
  Speaker 4: I've never liked the gym or sports in general. I
• 59:42
  Speaker 4: take care of my husband. He doesn't work, he's a student,
• 59:45
  Speaker 4: and he doesn't like his career. He hasn't found his
• 59:47
  Speaker 4: passion yet. I'm fine with that. He mostly plays games
• 59:50
  Speaker 4: and is pursuing his degree. It doesn't bother me, but
• 59:52
  Speaker 4: I have this feeling that maybe I'm ruining his life
• 59:54
  Speaker 4: by making everything too easy for him. Also, while I
• 59:57
  Speaker 4: love him, maybe I needed someone who pushes me and
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 4: takes me out to do things, someone more active than me,
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 4: who motivates me. The worst part is that I think
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 4: that somehow I'm doing great without feeling great. I live
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 4: in an apartment that has everything I like, and I
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 4: have a really good salary that allows me to have
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 4: a very good life. Everything seems to be good, but
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 4: I don't know how to start feeling good, or maybe
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 4: that feeling doesn't exist and I'm asking for too much.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 4: Maybe you have some ideas, Pablo.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: Ha, Hi Pablo, Pablo, Hi, Pablo. It's like my life
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: is going so well, I don't know what to like
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: about it.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what it sounds like to me, Pablo,
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: that you need to just get out of the house
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: a little bit more, be around to people.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 6: The thing activities am I supposed to do?
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 5: Children?
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: Go for a fucking walk, Pablo, Go for a walk outside,
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: Go get what you can't like?
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: You can't do that. You can't go for a walk
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: around the neighborhood.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 6: I mean, I can't but you say it like like
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 6: it's fun or there is something productive, I will force
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 6: myself to walk just yeah, I don't know, And how
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 6: do you meet people like that? Anyway? Am I going
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 6: to be outside in the middle of the street stopping
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 6: people like, hey, can you be my rend? Like? That
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 6: doesn't work theory.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: What you need is a change of scenery. So when
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: you have the same scenery day in and day out,
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: you're bored because you're not seeing anything different and new.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 2: So whatever that means, Yes, going for a walk of
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: a walk down the street or to a coffee shop
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: may not sound like a rip roaring time, but that's
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: okay because you basically need, Like there is scientific data
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: that backs up the fact of what happens to your
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 2: brain's chemistry when you do walk outside. What happens to
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: your brains chemistry when you socialize with other people, whether
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: they are friends or strangers. What happens to your brain
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: chemistry when you're forced to bring up, you know, have
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: a conversation with a stranger. So all of these things,
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: while they may not seem like quote unquote fun activities,
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: will feed your soul in a different way.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: So you have the world is at your fingertips.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: You have a job, you have a safe place to live,
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: you have a partner, you have all of the things
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: that most people desire in this world, and you're still
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: a little bit dissatisfied. And I would just argue that
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 2: you just need to like open up your world a
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 2: little bit and you're gonna be fine. You know, if
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: you want to make friends, go to places where you're
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: gonna make friends.
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: Find things that interest you. What interests you Do you.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: Like to play volleyball? Do you like to play baseball?
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: Do you like to play games? Do you want to
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: go game, go to a trivia night? Do you want
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: to do like what interests you that would be a
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: group activity? Is there anything you can think of that
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: sounds like a good time.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 6: The thing for I don't do sports Like I'm on Earth.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 6: I'm gonna be really in that regard. That's my career
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 6: and I love that. But the thing is that, you know,
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 6: I'm not entertained anymore into go into bars and stuff.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 6: When I was younger, I was into that, but not anymore.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 6: I just like to stay at home, and yeah, I
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 6: don't have like those activities to go what I don't
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 6: have anything to do there my hobbies are I play
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 6: games at home and maybe I like to do card games,
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 6: but those are fifteen minute things, like it's not like
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 6: an activity set up or just go somewhere or at
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 6: least I don't know the places. I don't know really
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 6: how people in their thirties that have a stable life.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 5: I want to ask you, is this one of the
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 5: first times in your life where the future feels kind
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 5: of vague, where there isn't like a specific goal like
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 5: whether that you know what I mean? So, which probably
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 5: is also why in your letter you mention even the
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 5: vagueness with your partner right now, like is this person
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 5: pushing me enough? What's my goal? Where am I in
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 5: five years? And what I would suggest along with going
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 5: literally just taking a five minute stroll, even if even
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 5: if you don't.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: Walk to the coffee show and go get a coffee
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: and sit down and have a coffee.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 4: Have a dog, but any chance I don't that is all.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 5: Well, wait, Pablo, I think you guys should go on
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 5: a trip. I think you should start planning a trip.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 5: Can you you enjoy travel? And would you guys?
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 6: I enjoy traveling. I enjoy traveling. Of course, it's not
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 6: like you can travel all the time. I do it
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 6: once in a while, you know, it's not like I
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 6: do it every month? Should I do that? Do it?
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 5: Well, here's my suggestion. Like I, when I'm in the
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 5: middle of a job, like a film or something like that,
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 5: I really love daydreaming, proactively daydreaming about a trip. So
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 5: I'm kind of old school. I like a guidebook. But
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 5: even if I didn't actually take the trip, which I
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 5: usually did. But even but even if I didn't, having
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 5: that kind of activity planning was good for me mentally
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 5: and you maybe because right now you're trying to force
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 5: a lot of big decisions. Even in this small, seemingly
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 5: small question, you're essentially asking should I be with my partner?
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 5: What is wrong with me? I don't like people. I
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 5: just want to be at home.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 6: Did you say it like that It sounds off al No.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 5: No, no, no, it just I just want to give
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 5: you perspective in that in that your life right now,
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 5: you're looking for a goal. You're wondering like what Yeah,
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 5: and I wonder yeah, and I wonder if a small
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 5: step like uh, do you enjoy driving? Like is there
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 5: a weekend trip you to take? Is there any kind
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 5: of new experience you could do for not a lot
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 5: of money, low commitment, even if it's going to a
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 5: place that's two hours away for a night.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 6: Wow, that's look, I don't write. I don't like to drive.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: Either, Okay, I don't like a lot of things.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 6: Yeah, home guy, you need to.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 4: Know like the human brain response to novelty, which is what.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 5: My human brain responds to puzzles. What about the reality television?
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: Do you like concerts? Have you guys got like concept?
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, so that's an easy thing to do because you
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 2: can find live entertainment in your area playing.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's something that going to the.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 6: Theater, but it's not like but you know, I don't
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 6: think that's something you can do often. You know, true,
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 6: but you will not do it every month or stuff
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 6: like that will not be fulfilling, is it?
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: I think?
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 5: Unfortunately, there isn't a big, grand answer to your question.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 5: I think that if you are comfortable being a homebody,
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 5: that's great. You know what your comfort zone is and
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 5: that's okay. If your partner is dissatisfied with your lack
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 5: of sociability, that's kind of a different issue to address.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 5: But you may need to start to question the big question,
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 5: which is what am I looking for? As Pablo, am
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 5: I looking for anything?
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 6: I don't know if it's wrong for me to feel
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 6: like I've done it, like I'm fine with what I have.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 6: I'm happy, So I don't have like much plans. I'm
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 6: not into the common objectives of lives. I don't want
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 6: to I don't want to house like I live rented,
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 6: but I live in a rented apartment. When I'm happy
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 6: and I feel like buying a house, it will stuck me.
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 6: So I would like to move anywhere when I want to. So, yeah,
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 6: I have like that perspective, So that's not an objective,
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 6: and I'm just living, you know, living my best life
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 6: every time I want to.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 2: Again, Yeah, I don't know what the problem is here.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: I mean you're looking for problems.
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 6: The problem is that in the end, even if I
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 6: have my husband, I feel lonely because I don't have friends.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 6: I don't know how to meet friends people to have
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 6: to spend time in my house. But I like to
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 6: be people that bused me, to have a drink, to
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 6: drink a glass of wine and that stuff I don't have.
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 6: And also this life that I'm having, it's not doing
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 6: well for my health because I don't walk. And the
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 6: thing is that when I met my husband, he was healthy,
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 6: he was a really happy guy, and and everything was fine.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 6: But now he's been with me for three plus years
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 6: and I'm the one causing his issues because I impregnated
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 6: my way of living into him. And I love him,
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 6: so I don't want him to be like that, But
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 6: my egoism of wanting him to be here doesn't let
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 6: me just him tell him, Hey, maybe you should live
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 6: and be healthy like you were before you had me, you.
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 4: Know, Can I offer a suggestion since your husband is
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 4: in sort of like more of the kept man role,
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 4: he does not have a lot of responsibilities right now,
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 4: like it doesn't work. Is there a way that he
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 4: can be sort of the motivator to some of this stuff? Like, Hey, honey,
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 4: we've been sitting at home a lot. I need you
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 4: to plan one day to week where we find a
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 4: new park to walk to or just walk around the park.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 4: We go there and we walk around to find something
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 4: interesting to do, you know.
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 2: Find some answer, go to live music, find somewhere like
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 2: just doing it once a week exactly.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 4: And it can be like his little homework for the week.
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 6: You know, The fun part is that I think he
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 6: wants me to have.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: You, So then do you do it? Just do it.
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 2: That's the less you can pregnated him within.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: But you've been pregnated him with your lifestyle.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 2: You just said that, so now it's your responsibility take
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 2: some of it off of his plane and be like,
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 2: you know what, You're right, You're enmeshed in my life
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 2: and now we're like living my lifestyle. So for you,
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 2: every weekend, I'm going to plan something for us to do.
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: Just start with small things.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 6: Well that's that's.
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: Also okay, So just let's do that to start with.
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 5: What about you guys taking a twenty minute walk, Like
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 5: right as soon as we end this conversation, I like it.
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: Oh good, I'm gonna do that.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 5: Okay. I don't know if it's cool enough. I am, like,
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 5: I do not like to go out into the sun,
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 5: So I don't blame you for waiting a little bit
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 5: till it's cool.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: We just got him agree to take a walk.
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: Let's just wrap it up, guys. Thank you, go take
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 2: a walk, and then you're gonna also make plans for
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: the weekend, and you're gonna do subject very weekend.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 5: And report report back to us.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: What you're doing?
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 4: Okay, yeah about all the places you went?
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 5: Okay, you too.
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 2: I hope he gets out of the house. Okay, Anna,
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: thank you very much for being here everyone. SPA Weekend
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 2: is out tomorrow. Where can people watch SPA Weekend in theaters?
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 5: In theaters?
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 2: Even more exciting? Okay, thank you so much. On It's
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 2: always lovely to talk to you.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 5: I'm so happy to be here. You know I'm not
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 5: gonna leave.
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 4: If you want advice from Chelsea, right into Dear Chelsea
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 4: podcast at gmail dot com.
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 5: Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 4: Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 4: Catherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 4: and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 4: full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 4: tickets to see Chelsea live at chelseahmmler dot com