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The Wheel of Life: A Simple Tool for Better Parenting · IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

• 0:00
  Ben: I'm Ben Pugh, and you're listening to Impact Parenting with Perspective, episode 232.
• 0:09
  Ben: This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with parenting teens.
• 0:17
  Ben: So they can focus on what's most important, building rock solid relationships and having a powerful impact on their teen's life.
• 0:25
  Ben: Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your teen turn struggles into strengths.
• 0:34
  Ben: Hello.
• 0:35
  Ben: Welcome back to the podcast.
• 0:37
  Ben: I am super excited for what we're going to talk about this week.
• 0:41
  Ben: This.
• 0:42
  Ben: Is kind of a follow up to what we talked about last week, we talked about doing a daily parenting debrief.
• 0:50
  Ben: Now, the daily parenting debrief that is to really help you gain some awareness as to what you're doing well as a parent.
• 0:59
  Ben: And what you're not doing so great that you'd like to change.
• 1:02
  Ben: Now, the wheel of life, like I said, is kind of a follow up to that.
• 1:07
  Ben: And this is a simple practice that will help you practice being the parent of your dreams.
• 1:16
  Ben: So let's dive in.
• 1:18
  Ben: What is the wheel of life?
• 1:20
  Ben: And I want to just start with this real quick.
• 1:23
  Ben: This is actually one of my favorite teachings.
• 1:27
  Ben: This is one of the ones that I feel like early on, I came up with that was unique to me.
• 1:35
  Ben: So I love the wheel of life.
• 1:37
  Ben: I talk about it all the time.
• 1:39
  Ben: And if you've been following me for, I don't know, a while, probably even if you, if you Are just new to me.
• 1:46
  Ben: You've heard me talk about the wheel of life.
• 1:49
  Ben: Now, this isn't like a full blown training on the wheel of life.
• 1:54
  Ben: I have full blown trainings inside my membership on the wheel of life and how to use the wheel of life, but I'm going to try and give you a pretty good outline and a pretty good idea of how you can use the wheel of life in your parenting to practice being the parent of your dreams.
• 2:12
  Ben: So let's talk about the wheel of life.
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  Ben: I want you to imagine that life is a wheel that is constantly turning at times when life is easy and everything's going great and you're all happy and things are just going the way that you want them to, you're on the top of the wheel at times when your life is hard.
• 2:35
  Ben: Nothing is going your way and maybe you're really struggling with your teen.
• 2:40
  Ben: Those are times when you are on the bottom of the wheel.
• 2:43
  Ben: Basically, when you're on the bottom of the wheel, the way I teach it, you're literally being run over by this.
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  Ben: Wheel and you are under the weight and the pressure of the wheel of life and it's uncomfortable.
• 2:57
  Ben: No one likes being on the bottom of the wheel.
• 3:00
  Ben: Now, there's some key principles that I want you to keep in mind as we talk about the wheel and One of these key principles is that the wheel is constantly turning.
• 3:14
  Ben: Now, this is powerful, especially when I teach this to teens.
• 3:18
  Ben: Often, people, parents, especially teens, think that when they're on the top of the wheel, it's because they're awesome, or they're special, or hooray, I've figured life out.
• 3:33
  Ben: Then, A week later, when they're on the bottom of the wheel, like with my teenagers, when they've been dumped by their girlfriend, they're failing math, and they're hating whatever sport they're in.
• 3:47
  Ben: So, when they're on the bottom of the wheel, they think it's because they're broken, or there's something wrong with them.
• 3:55
  Ben: The power of the wheel of life and this principle that the wheel is always turning is that when you realize that the wheel is always turning and that sometimes you're on the top of the wheel and it's great and sometimes you're on the bottom of the wheel and it's not so great and it has nothing to do with you, it is a reflection of how awesome you are or how not awesome you are and it's liberating to realize this.
• 4:21
  Ben: It helps.
• 4:22
  Ben: You even out your emotional reaction to life and to live with intention, whether you're on the top of the wheel or you're on the bottom and you're getting run over by the wheel.
• 4:34
  Ben: So let's talk about how you can use the wheel of life.
• 4:39
  Ben: in your life.
• 4:41
  Ben: Now, now that we understand this concept of the wheel of life, I want to teach you how to actually use this tool in your life.
• 4:51
  Ben: Like, I don't want it to just be some concept that you understand and you feel good when you think about it.
• 4:57
  Ben: Now, this is one of the tools that I believe is the most Powerful tool in what I teach, and if you want to reset your parenting thermostat or reset all of your previously programmed parenting ways of being, this is the best tool to help you do that.
• 5:20
  Ben: Now, if you use this tool.
• 5:23
  Ben: The wheel of life with the parenting debrief tool that I taught you last week.
• 5:30
  Ben: I promise you, you will uplevel your parenting faster than you ever believed possible.
• 5:37
  Ben: Now I teach this concept every year to my football players.
• 5:42
  Ben: It's super helpful together.
• 5:45
  Ben: We identify practice.
• 5:48
  Ben: So like in football practice, oftentimes you'll see teens do this even before a game.
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  Ben: You're going to.
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  Ben: Run routes against air.
• 5:59
  Ben: You're going to practice plays against air.
• 6:04
  Ben: Now, sometimes these are super boring drills.
• 6:07
  Ben: And if we look at this as in terms of the wheel of life in football, when you're practicing against air, you should get it perfectly.
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  Ben: No, one's trying to stop you.
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  Ben: There's no resistance.
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  Ben: And that represents you being on the top of the wheel.
• 6:25
  Ben: Now, sometimes.
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  Ben: It's boring to be on the top of the wheel.
• 6:29
  Ben: Sometimes at football practice, when you're not hitting people, you're not tackling people.
• 6:34
  Ben: It's kind of boring.
• 6:37
  Ben: The thing about being on the top of the wheel is you should be able to execute without any interference.
• 6:44
  Ben: So in football, we're walking through drills.
• 6:47
  Ben: We're going through plays.
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  Ben: With no opposition.
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  Ben: No one's trying to stop us in parenting.
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  Ben: You and your teen might actually be getting along.
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  Ben: You might be enjoying each other.
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  Ben: You might be laughing and to go back to football practice.
• 7:03
  Ben: We would also identify the bottom of the wheel as Times when you're playing in a game, and you're going against someone who's bigger, faster, stronger, Maybe even more skilled than you.
• 7:15
  Ben: So, top of the wheel moments in football, Those are the times that we prepare for the bottom of the wheel, and on the bottom of the wheel, When we get in those situations, those are the times when we lean on our Our practice when we lean on the previous top of the wheel training.
• 7:36
  Ben: So how can you use this in parenting?
• 7:39
  Ben: Step one, start identifying top of the wheel moments with your teen.
• 7:47
  Ben: I had one of these just the other day I had asked my son to help me clean up the kitchen and to my surprise, he said, okay, like usually he's like, why do I have to, what about.
• 7:59
  Ben: The other siblings.
• 8:00
  Ben: What about the last time I did it?
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  Ben: Like, doesn't that count for some reason this time to my surprise?
• 8:06
  Ben: He's like, Oh yeah.
• 8:07
  Ben: Okay.
• 8:07
  Ben: Yeah, sure.
• 8:08
  Ben: And together we went to work and we were cleaning up the kitchen and I realized, Hey, this is a top of the wheel moment.
• 8:16
  Ben: We're not arguing.
• 8:17
  Ben: We're not annoyed with each other.
• 8:19
  Ben: And this is great.
• 8:21
  Ben: So during that top of the wheel moment, I intentionally practiced Being the dad of my dreams, I didn't have anything to do with my teen.
• 8:31
  Ben: He just got to help unload the dishwasher.
• 8:34
  Ben: And he was like talking to me and I'm realizing, Hey, this is the type of parent that I want to be.
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  Ben: I'm going to listen.
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  Ben: I'm going to be respectful.
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  Ben: I'm going to be helpful.
• 8:47
  Ben: So step one, start identifying top of the wheel moments with your teen.
• 8:54
  Ben: Um, another thing that I want to add in a lot of times when I'll teach this to parents and teens that are new to me, they're like, man, I just feel like I'm constantly on the bottom of the wheel.
• 9:06
  Ben: No one's constantly on the bottom of the wheel.
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  Ben: The wheel is constantly turning.
• 9:10
  Ben: So at some point.
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  Ben: You're going to be up on top of that wheel when you start identifying top of the moment or top of the wheel moments in your life.
• 9:19
  Ben: You're going to realize you have way more top of the wheel moments than you ever realized possible.
• 9:25
  Ben: So open your awareness, start looking for top of the wheel moments with your teen.
• 9:32
  Ben: That is step number one.
• 9:34
  Ben: Step number two is practice being the parent of your dreams during those top of the wheel moments.
• 9:40
  Ben: It's easier to practice and to get quality reps when you're on the top of the wheel.
• 9:48
  Ben: A lot of times I see this mistake where parents try and improve their parenting.
• 9:53
  Ben: They try and improve themselves when they're on the bottom of the wheel and nothing is going their way and they have tons of resistance.
• 10:00
  Ben: It's easier to practice and get quality reps of being the parent of your dreams while you're on the top of the wheel.
• 10:08
  Ben: So.
• 10:09
  Ben: Like I said, when you're looking for top of the wheel moments, you're going to realize that you have more of them than you previously might have realized, which means that there are more opportunities for you to practice being the parent of your dreams, and these can be simple little moves.
• 10:26
  Ben: Moments like maybe you and your teen are laughing together and you're having a good conversation and you're like, man, we haven't done this in years.
• 10:35
  Ben: Simply identify it as a top of the wheel moment and practice being the parent of your dreams in that moment.
• 10:43
  Ben: And step three is that during bottom of the wheel moments, lean on your training, lean on those top of the wheel moments.
• 10:53
  Ben: If you're anything like me, this in and of itself might take some practice.
• 11:00
  Ben: Often during bottom of the wheel moments, I revert back to my old programming without even realizing it.
• 11:08
  Ben: And if you're anything like me, the same is going to be true for you.
• 11:11
  Ben: You're going to find yourself in a bottom of the wheel moment, and you're going to realize, That you have just reverted back to the old you, you're yelling, you're screaming, you're name calling, you're putting them down, you're being critical, whatever it is.
• 11:24
  Ben: That's okay.
• 11:26
  Ben: The parenting debrief that we talked about last week, that can help you with all of that.
• 11:32
  Ben: That can help you gain confidence.
• 11:34
  Ben: Some more awareness, which will give you the power to be intentional.
• 11:39
  Ben: But I promise you, as you get more top of the wheel reps, as you practice, when life is easy, you'll start naturally being the parent of your dreams that you've been practicing while you're on the top of the wheel.
• 11:58
  Ben: And as you get more of that practice.
• 12:01
  Ben: You're going to do better implementing the step three, where during the bottom of the wheel moment, you can revert back to your training.
• 12:09
  Ben: So to quickly review these steps and the way that I see these steps is they're kind of like a wheel of their own.
• 12:17
  Ben: Step one, you start identifying top of the wheel moments with your teen.
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  Ben: Step two, and you can see how this wheel is turning.
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  Ben: You start practicing being the parent of your dreams during these top of the wheel moments.
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  Ben: Step three.
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  Ben: You implement what you've practiced during the top of the wheel moments.
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  Ben: Into your life when you're on the bottom of the wheel and then the wheels still turn and you go back to step one and you get better at identifying more top of the wheel moments with your teen.
• 12:48
  Ben: Then you do step two again, which is just practicing being the parent of your dreams and then you do step three all over again and you're going to notice at the bottom of the wheel, you're going to get better.
• 12:59
  Ben: And better and better, like maybe your teen comes and talks to you and says, mom, I don't know how to tell you this, but I've taken up doing drugs and I'm having sex with random people.
• 13:14
  Ben: And by the way, I'm dropping out of school.
• 13:17
  Ben: That might be a bottom of the wheel moment for you.
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  Ben: And with reps and with practice, you will be able to handle even the toughest parenting moments with intention.
• 13:29
  Ben: And In alignment with who you want to be as a parent, I promise you, if you want to improve your relationship with your teen, start being the parent of your dreams.
• 13:44
  Ben: And the best way to practice that is by using the wheel of life.
• 13:49
  Ben: If you want to be.
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  Ben: The parent of your dreams, you've got to reprogram your old programming.
• 13:57
  Ben: In other words, you've got to reset your parenting thermostat.
• 14:02
  Ben: The wheel of life is simply a tool to help you reset.
• 14:07
  Ben: You're parenting thermostat.
• 14:10
  Ben: You've probably heard the saying repetition is the mother of all learning.
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  Ben: The wheel of life is just intentional repetition.
• 14:20
  Ben: Hey, on the top of the wheel, I'm going to get reps, which is short for repetition of me being the parent of my dreams so that it comes natural when I'm in top or when I'm in the bottom of the wheel moments using the wheel of life.
• 14:38
  Ben: The Daily Parenting Debrief will help you reset your parenting thermostat super fast.
• 14:46
  Ben: If you have been spending years trying to improve your parenting, trying to be the best parent that you can be, I want to invite you, implement the Wheel of Life, implement the Daily Parenting Debrief, and that will help you create the change that you're looking for.
• 15:07
  Ben: Much, much quicker.
• 15:09
  Ben: If you're tired of being the parent who always yells and screams or argues, I want you to really commit to identifying well, what kind a parent do I want to be?
• 15:23
  Ben: And start developing the programming that's necessary for you to be the parent of your dreams.
• 15:32
  Ben: And if you want a simple step by step parenting debrief guide, this is what we talked about last week.
• 15:39
  Ben: The wheel of life is simple enough.
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  Ben: Like there's two components.
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  Ben: There's a top of the wheel, bottom of the wheel, the top of the wheel.
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  Ben: Life's easy.
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  Ben: The bottom of the wheel life is hard.
• 15:50
  Ben: Identify the top of the wheel moments and practice being the parent of your dreams.
• 15:55
  Ben: That's how simple the wheel of life is.
• 15:57
  Ben: Now.
• 15:58
  Ben: When I teach the parenting debrief, everyone's like, man, can I get a guide to that?
• 16:05
  Ben: I would like to see the questions that you ask, or I'd like to follow your process.
• 16:10
  Ben: Yeah, I'd be happy to give you a free parenting debrief guide.
• 16:14
  Ben: It's simple and quick, and it will help you uplevel your parenting.
• 16:20
  Ben: And like I said, it's completely free.
• 16:23
  Ben: Step one, just go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief.
• 16:29
  Ben: Step two, start with your own internal debrief, really get good at understanding what's going on internally, and then step three, enjoy being the parent of your dreams with the awareness that comes with the parenting debrief.
• 16:49
  Ben: It will make being the parent of your dreams so much easier and with the wheel of life.
• 16:55
  Ben: It is going to make it even easier to get all the practice that you need to start being the parent of your dreams.
• 17:03
  Ben: So go get this offer.
• 17:06
  Ben: Like I said, it's completely free.
• 17:08
  Ben: It will help you improve your parenting and it will make your life and your teen's life much easier.
• 17:14
  Ben: Just go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief and I'll talk to you soon.