Latest / J&B Live Podcast / When Strength Builds Walls: Strong Individuals, Weak Families

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When Strength Builds Walls: Strong Individuals, Weak Families · J&B Live Podcast

0:00
I may have to come back up again on Beagle just in case because I think it just
0:04
went out. Okay, yeah, I see you stalled a little bit. Hey, Maya,
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Elsa, how are you guys doing this evening?
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Hope you guys are having a terrific Tuesday. Yes.
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All right, we're going to get started shortly.
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Hope everybody's having a terrific Tuesday.
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So let's see. We're going to bring Broker J3 back up again, my co-host. I'm coming in.
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Okay. All right. I'll let you know.
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Okay, guys. Hey, Damien.
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How are you this evening? You're a little to the side, Dr. B. Okay.
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So is that better, Broker J3? Yeah, it's like you turn to the side,
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but yeah. Okay. I can straighten it a little bit.
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Hope everybody having a great evening. Hey, Maya. I'm not talking about the
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Beagle. I'm talking about for the main.
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Okay. Is that better? That's perfect.
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All right. I'm getting back into Beagle. It takes a minute.
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But we can go ahead and get started. You'll see me when I come up.
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Okay, guys. So this evening, we are talking about stronger individuals, but weak family.
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That is the topic for this evening. So, again, thank you guys for joining us.
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And just think about it, guys. This is a time now where people are more accomplished.
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A lot of people are grinding, they are hustling, and they are accomplishing
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a lot, more than ever before.
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And even though they're accomplishing a lot, guys, they are still alone.
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You know, they feel isolated, more isolated than ever, to be honest with you.
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So we're going to celebrate the individual strength, and we always want to do that.
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However, you know, we're going to celebrate that individual strength,
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their self-sufficiency, because they're taking care of themselves.
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They're taking care of business.
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You know, there's one username that I love. The username is Stand on Business,
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and I like that because that person is saying, hey, I'm all about business. They're independent.
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Like they have the highest virtues that a person can get. They've reached the top, you know.
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But somewhere along the way, somewhere along the way, the family started taking
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a backseat to that individual.
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So the family, meaning whoever they have that relationship with,
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it could be husband, wives, spouse, significant other, girlfriend,
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boyfriend. It could be family members as well.
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But they're taking a backseat to the individual.
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And I think we are only now beginning, okay guys, to see the cost of that trade.
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Sometimes you can have accomplished it all, but you're still missing something.
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You're still lacking. And so that's what we're talking about this evening.
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So go ahead and drop that city and state.
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Let me know where you guys are from. Let us know where you guys are from and
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go ahead and drop us a comment. Send us Elza Hart, we appreciate all your gifts,
3:07
and again, thank you guys for joining us this evening.
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All right. Thank you, Elza. We're going to get into the topic in just a moment.
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Dr. B, you can bring me on up on Bego real quick.
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Hey, everybody. As you guys already know, I am BrokerJ3, and today we're talking
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about the strong individuals, but weak families. We're going to get into it today.
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You know, so many people, you know, talking about being independent,
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but it seems like the family structure is breaking down.
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You know, I see this every day.
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I see this every day. People out here building themselves up.
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They're stacking the achievement. They're getting those degrees.
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They're getting at that money.
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And they're getting the house, the car, whatever they're looking for. They're getting it.
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But when you look at their personal lives, you know, it's an empty.
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You know, not because they fail, but because they never made room for anyone else.
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You know, strength became the goal, but the connection became the sacrifice.
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That could happen. That could happen. And guys, that is the disagreement.
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The same traits that make someone successful as an individual can quietly work
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against them in relationships. It can, unfortunately.
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All right, guys. So just think about it. Discipline.
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Control, self-reliance. Those are all strengths that you have,
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you know, and a lot of women are wearing these roles because you're pretty much
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doing it all. You know what I'm saying?
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But when it comes down to marriage and family, that requires that you surrender,
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that you be willing to compromise all the time, and that you share decision-making.
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You know, you're not making all of the decisions by yourself because you're in a relationship.
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If you cannot turn to those turn those individual strengths that you have,
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sometimes you have to turn them off.
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If you can't, they can become the very thing, guys, that will break your family apart.
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Yeah, and that's real, Dobby. You know, you can't run from family like you run your career.
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You just can't do it. You know, a lot of people treat their households like
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a business and their spouse like an employee.
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You know, that works until it doesn't.
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And then they're sitting in the office wondering what went wrong.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do. They do. Okay, guys.
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Again, thank you guys for joining us and being a part of the GND family.
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We thank you guys for joining us. So we're going to talk about why marriages
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are down, why a lot of people are not getting married anymore.
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So what's happening? What do you guys think? Why do you think a lot of people
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are not getting married anymore?
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Why are marriages down? Okay. Well, the marriage rates have been declining for
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decades. This is nothing new. A lot of people know. And you just think about
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it. You don't know a lot of people that are getting married these days.
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And I really personally don't think it's because people stop wanting love.
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I think everybody wants to be loved.
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I think it's because the definition of marriage has shifted faster than people
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readiness for it. In other words, it's changed. It's evolved.
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And we've moved from marriages as partnership of survival. Just think about it. Long time ago,
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When my parents, grandparents got married, you know, the women didn't work.
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The men were the provider. So when women got in those marriages,
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they stayed married, you know. But now women and men both will walk out of the
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way from a marriage in a New York minute, okay?
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So it's moved from the marriage as a partnership of survival to marriage as
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a partnership of fulfillment.
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And just think about it, guys. That fulfillment is much harder.
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It's a much harder standard to maintain than the survival.
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Yeah, we got Chocolato519 on YouTube says the illusion of choice.
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That is so true. You know, I agree with that, but I also think that people just got scared, Doc B.
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You know, they watched their parents divorce. They watched their friends divorce.
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So they decided that the risk is just not worth it.
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You know, instead of getting married, they just move in together.
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They share life. You know, they call it something else.
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You know, the commitment never gets named. And because it doesn't get a name,
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it's not truly protected.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some people definitely live together. That's an easier choice
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than going the route of actually getting married. So just think about it.
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That's a very critical point that we need to consider.
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Just think about it. Unnamed commitment, because it's not marriage,
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is a very fragile commitment.
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When things get hard, the absence of that formal contract, because a marriage
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is like a contract, makes it walking away the path of least resistance.
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In other words, when people don't have that bond, that contract that say that
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they're married, they're more easily successful to walk away when there's some
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issues in the marriage. So it's not that people don't love each other.
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I think that they still do.
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It's just, it's nothing holding them in the room when love is not enough.
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There's nothing to say that, hey, you still must stay in that marriage,
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just like they did a long time ago.
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You know, just think about it. They got married. The women, they stayed married.
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I don't care. And I'm going to be honest with you, I'm keeping it real with
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you guys. Even if the man was out there cheating and vice versa,
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they still stayed in that marriage. They stayed married.
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Don't you agree, Broker J3? Yeah, and, you know, and that's the part that nobody
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wants to say out loud, Dobby.
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Commitment is not just a feeling. It's actually a structure.
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You know, it's the thing that keeps you in the room when you're feeling and
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telling yourself that you want to leave.
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You know, without that structure, every hard season becomes the easiest exit
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out of that relationship.
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And every exit reinforces the fear that marriage just does not work.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so guess what, guys? So the decline in marriage is not
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really a decline in belief. People still believe in marriage. They do. They do.
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It is a decline in the willingness to be bound, in other words, to stay married.
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And I, and I agree with that. And you know what, you know, let's,
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let's, let's get into this first scenario.
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Let us put a real life example on this. So you guys can really understand now,
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picture a couple, you know, been together for six years, you know,
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living together, you know, for four of them. So, you know, they dated, I guess, for two years.
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And then they moved in, they'd been living together for four years. He said,
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Now, he said he's not ready, you know, every time she brings up marriage, you know.
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But she stays because she loves him, you know, but she is starting to feel like
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she's waiting for a train that's never coming. Yeah, no train.
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She almost feel like Angela from a previous podcast. If you guys go back and check that out.
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But, you know, but he's not a bad guy.
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He treats her very well. you know he just not willing to commit on paper you
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know a lot of y'all know guys like that or women come on let's be real yeah
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her friends are telling her to leave now that's the problem right there.
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That's what he's speaking because you know when you get some friends involved
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you know especially some of the ones ain't even got a man you know them the
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ones gotta watch out for you know
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friends telling the lead and she's torn between the love that she feels,
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and also the respect that she's losing herself.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. So guys, so in that particular scenario, what stands out to
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me is not, she is not fighting him, okay? She's not fighting him.
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She is fighting herself because she's having to deal with the fact that she's
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been with this man for so long and they're not married, okay?
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So the conflict is internal, is something within her because just think about
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it, women, we've been taught what? We want to get, I'm just speaking as a woman,
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we all want to get married, the white picket fence, et cetera, okay?
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And some women, I feel so sorry, I actually know a couple that's been dating
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probably about 30 years. I
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kid you not. They've been dating for 30 years and she's been right there.
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I don't see how she did it, but she is. But I'm sure deep in her heart that
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she does want to be married, okay?
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So there's no ring, no vow.
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No structure holding them together. So the only thing keeping her there in that
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scenario, Broker J3 just gave us, is her own willpower.
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And guess what? That willpower may eventually run out.
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In other words, a lot of people say that well may run dry. And she may get to
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a point where she said, well, hey, I know he's not going to marry me or whatever.
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It's time for me to move on. Yeah.
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And the thing that I noticed, Doc B, was that, you know, he's not refusing commitment
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because he does not love her.
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He is refusing the commitment because he's just straight up afraid.
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You know, he watched his parents split. You know, he decided that that piece
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of paper would not save him, you know.
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So he is protecting himself from the risk of something that hasn't even happened yet.
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And in the process, he's losing a person who's actually willing to stay.
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Yeah, that is true. Okay, that's true. So, audience, we want to get your take
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this. We want to hear from you guys. So how many of you have been in that waiting
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season? The waiting season.
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I want to know how long have some of you been in the waiting season, okay?
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How many of you are in it right now, okay?
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Drop your thoughts in the comments. Let us know because this conversation is
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not finished when this episode ends. It continues with you.
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And we're talking about this evening, strong individuals and weak family.
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How one person is very strong.
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And that strongness, being able to survive by themselves, self-sufficient,
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independent, you know, some of the characteristics that I know a lot of women and both men have.
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And then being in a relationship with someone that you're in a relationship
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where you're so used to taking care of yourself, not willing to share, you know.
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And then it gets to the point where, you know, you haven't gotten a ring or
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whatever. And then you say to yourself, are she or he? Because it can go both ways.
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You know, these days, there are some women proposing to men.
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I kid you not. Okay, so what do you do? Do you stay or do you leave?
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What's your take on everything? Yeah. So, guys, drop your answer in the chat,
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you know, how many of you right now are in that waiting season right now.
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Let us know, you know, let us know what city, state, or country you're in and
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let us know if you're in that waiting season and if you are,
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how long you've been in it. You know, me personally, I've been in the waiting season.
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And, yeah, not just that, Broker Day 3. How long are you willing to wait?
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Are you willing to wait forever?
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That's a good question. That's a good question, Dr. B.
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You know, that's a very good question. How long are you willing to wait?
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Because if you see yourself in a future of being married and the person that
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you're with doesn't seem like they're ready to commit to that,
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hey, you know, that's a tough call right there, Dr. B, because you have to make that choice.
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So let's be real with it.
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If you're the one who keeps saying that you're not ready,
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Say that too. If you're not ready, just say, hey, I'm not ready.
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You know, because we're not here to judge anybody. We're here to talk about
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what's actually going on and what's happening.
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You know, because the best conversations, they happen when people start performing
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and they actually start talking.
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Like I was going to say a minute ago, I've been in a waiting period for four years.
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You know, I've been there before. You know, so, you know, those are crucial
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times where you have to ask yourself, hey, is it moving forward?
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So, hey, that's a good question, Nabi.
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Yeah. And then I'm going to share this with you guys. There's nothing wrong
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with not wanting to settle down or not be in a committed relationship,
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but not necessarily marriage, because you've got some people contemplating moving in together.
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Some people consider that settling down. But there's nothing wrong with that.
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It's just that one person may want more and the other person may not want to
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take that next plunge or that next step.
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So that's why you have to come to an agreement as to what works best for you,
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and what works best for the other person.
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But you have to do what works best for you. So shout out to everyone who joined
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us live for this particular episode. Thank you guys for joining us.
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We see your comments. We see you in the room.
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And guys, we do appreciate you being a part of this conversation.
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Now go ahead and do me a favor.
16:12
Drop that city and state. Let us know where you're from.
16:16
And special shout outs to everyone who shared this episode with someone they
16:21
thought needed to hear it. So this is about growth, guys. This is what this
16:26
conversation is all about.
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Exactly. And shout out to the folks that's watching on replay right now.
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Some of the ones that may have came in late watching it from the beginning.
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Or if it's tomorrow and you're listening on Spotify or Apple podcast,
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shout out to you guys as well.
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We'll appreciate it. And we're already at about 80,000 downloads on Apple podcast.
16:49
Yes, we are. Thank you guys so much for all the love. We really appreciate it.
16:55
Now, just because you were not here live does not mean that you're not a part of this, guys.
17:00
So make sure you go to YouTube at Live with J&B and hit that subscribe button
17:05
and even turn that notification on and make sure you do not miss the next one.
17:11
We'll be right back. I'm trying to tell you on the next episode so you guys
17:16
won't miss it. So let's go ahead, Doc B.
17:21
I see where loving myself has joined me and she was with me last Wednesday when
17:26
I did the sundress series. So I definitely want to welcome her back.
17:30
And guys, go ahead and drop your comments. Let us know, guys.
17:33
We want you to participate in this conversation and let us know what you guys are thinking.
17:38
OK, so now we're going to talk about families that are struggling.
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You know, when we talk about families struggling, we have to separate the economics
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because what's going on right now, guys?
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Some families are hurting from the culture, you know, or money plays a significant role in a family.
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Financial stress will break a household down. Guys, you know that.
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Most couples get divorced because of what?
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Money issues. But there are also families with money who are falling apart.
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So it's one of the issues, but it's not the only thing. Some people have money.
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They still can't get along. You know what I'm saying?
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And then you got families without money who are holding it together.
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You know, the difference is almost never the bank account.
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The difference is the foundation for which you created that relationship.
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Yeah. And you know what, Dot B? You know, I'm going to push back a little bit on that one, okay?
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Okay. Because money does not fix a broken family. We know that. No, I agree.
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But the absence of money will break a family that's holding together.
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You know, I've seen couples who loved each other deeply get eaten alive by financial pressure.
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So I don't think that we can separate the economics from the culture as clearly
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as you can, that you, you know, you're suggesting a little bit.
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You know, they feed kind of on each other a little bit.
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Yeah, yeah, I agree. I agree with you there. Yeah. Okay. So I'll accept that,
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Broker J. Thru. That's a very good response.
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But I think financial pressure isn't like an accelerant, like when you pour
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it on gasoline, on a fire that's already going and the fire gets worse,
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you know what I'm saying?
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And I still maintain that a family without a shared vision will collapse,
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even with money, because of that foundation.
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Wealth without goals and purpose will just delay the breakup.
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It's only a matter of time, okay, because you don't have that foundation. Yeah.
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And I agree with you on that, Dot B, because I have seen some wealthy families
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pass down money, pass down dysfunction at the same time.
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The money transfers, but the wisdom does not. So the next generation has resources,
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but no idea whatsoever how to build a home with it.
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Okay. And this is where the strong individual that we're talking about can cause
20:06
the most quiet damage because, you know, in the past, we've always been taught how to build wealth.
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That's all we taught from when we were small children. You know,
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everybody wanted to have. We didn't want to be the have-nots.
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We were taught how to build careers. You know, we were encouraged to go to college,
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how to build brands, you know.
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And that was one thing I didn't do brokerage A3 is when my children graduated
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from high school, I wanted them to go to college, but I didn't put it on them
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like forcibly, you know, because I know that you can make money without a college degree.
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Now, I have a college degree, but I still know that you still can,
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you can make it out there. You can become a billionaire without a college degree.
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Okay. So, but the key to this is we never, almost never teach them how to build a family.
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That's what we're not teaching them. So they enter into a marriage with every
21:02
tool except for the ones that matters the most, which is knowing how to maintain the marriage.
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You know what, Dobby, you know, on that note, let's put a scenario to this particular
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section so that people can get a visual of what we're talking about.
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You know, so we're going to put a real life example on this.
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Now, picture a family where both parents are working.
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So we got two jobs just to keep the lights on.
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They love their kids, but they're never, you know, grandmother is raising the
21:37
children. Y'all done heard the folk.
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The parents are passing through, and the kids are just starting to act out because
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they're not getting the attention that they want from their parents.
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Now, nobody is doing anything wrong. Everybody is doing their best.
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But the family is still struggling, and the parents are starting to blame each
21:58
other for not being present enough.
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Because guess what? When the kids start getting in trouble at school,
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then somebody's going to have to intervene.
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And, you know, if parents are working all the time and nobody's watching their
22:11
children, everybody knows that could be a problem. But based on that scenario.
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I don't think anybody, to me, is the villain.
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I don't think anything is intentional.
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The parents are not neglectful. They are stretched thin because they're trying
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to rob Peter to pay Paul. They're just working to pay Peter.
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I mean, pay bills. I'm sorry. They're trying to maintain.
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But the kids don't understand that. They don't understand the economy.
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Because they don't care. They just concerned about you spending time with them.
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They only understand your presence and your absence, whether you're not there.
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So the family is functioning on paper, but actually they're starving in reality.
22:52
Yeah. And the thing that I noticed, Dobby, it was that the parents are blaming
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each other for a situation that really neither one of them created. They're both grinding.
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They're both exhausted. And instead of turning towards each other for support,
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they're turning on each other because there is no one else to point the finger at.
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You know, that's what financial pressure does to a family.
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It doesn't just take your money, it takes your unity.
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Yeah, so guys, just think about it. That was a very important lesson.
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And a lot of people, Pro4J3, this happens to the family, and sometimes they
23:33
don't even realize that it's happening. And then they wake up one day and they're
23:37
getting divorced or they're separating or whatnot, and they are saying to themselves,
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okay, now what just happened? Okay.
23:43
So guys, we want to hear from you.
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Okay. Please go ahead and drop that city and state.
23:50
Let us know where you're from. Hey, Richard Bentler, Jackie Lozano, Stillwater are in debt.
23:59
Thank you guys for being a part of the J&B family. So guys, we want to hear
24:04
from you. How many of you grew up in a house where your parents were always working.
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If it did happen to you guys, it was probably one of your friends,
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you know, that they grew up with you and your friend would say,
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well, my parents are not home or whatever.
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You know, some kids in are raising themselves because their parents are out working.
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How many of you are those parents right now?
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OK, tell us what that felt like, because there are people watching who need
24:34
to hear that they are not alone in this particular case. They need to know that
24:39
they're not by themselves.
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That's right, Dobby. And and, you know, if you figured it out,
24:44
if you figured out how to hold it all together, share that with us, too.
24:48
It could be some viewers out there that are trying to hold it together and just don't know how.
24:53
Now, you know, we're not just here to talk about the problem,
24:56
guys. We're here to talk about what actually works.
25:00
So if you found a way to keep your family close, even when life is pulling you
25:05
in 10 different directions, put it in the comments. Know why?
25:09
Because somebody needs to read it.
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Yeah, that is true, Broker J3. And then just think about it.
25:14
Some of the older siblings had to actually raise or be responsible for the younger
25:22
siblings when the parents were not there, you know?
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And that's why some of them have like a motherly role because they end up raising
25:29
the children themselves.
25:30
The children raising, the older children raising the younger children.
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Okay, guys. So shout out again to the parents that are watching us this evening,
25:39
the ones that who are out there grinding day in and day out, my hat's off to you guys.
25:45
Really, really, I sympathize with you. We see you and we want you to know that
25:49
the work that you're doing, it does matter even when it feels like it's not
25:54
enough because you're working, you're grinding to take care of your children.
25:58
And some of you are just doing the best that you can. You're doing the best that you know how.
26:03
And also, special shout out to the grandparents. Some of the grandparents are
26:06
out there holding it down just as well.
26:08
Because just think about it, some grandparents are keeping their children,
26:12
you know, and some, you know, some grandparents had a role of working,
26:16
taking care of the children, and some of them are just working,
26:19
taking care of the children for the children, you know, taking care of their
26:22
grandchildren for the children.
26:23
So shout out to them as well. You are the backbone of most families that anyone
26:29
ever very seldom talks about. So shout out to the parents and the grandparents.
26:35
Yeah. And big shout outs to everyone that has been sharing these clips.
26:39
We really appreciate it. You know, every share puts this conversation in front
26:43
of somebody who really needs it, especially today.
26:46
So keep sharing, keep subscribing and, you know, we'll keep bringing these hot topics to you guys.
26:53
So, you know, hey, you know what we're all about.
26:56
We're all about interaction with our viewers.
26:59
And, you know, we want people out there to be able to share their story so that
27:05
other viewers can know, like Doc B said earlier, that they are not alone,
27:09
especially with some of the topics that we talk about.
27:12
Yes, yes, yes. Again, shout out to you guys. So, guys, commitment is changing. It hasn't disappeared.
27:19
It just changed shapes. People still commit to their careers,
27:24
to their fitness. Some people are committed now to just live in healthier lifestyles,
27:30
and some are committed to personal growth.
27:33
What they haven't stopped or what they have stopped committing to is each other.
27:38
You know, that's how one person is strong, one person is weak.
27:43
So therefore, it's an easy outlet because that bond or that contract is not there.
27:48
Okay. So committing to another person means accepting that you are no longer
27:54
the only variable in your life.
27:56
And some people, usually the stronger people, really just make ultimate decisions
28:01
and they make decisions based on what they want to do, not the commitment,
28:07
you know, the relationship that they have with the other person.
28:10
Yeah, and that can kind of go in both ways when you got two very independent
28:15
people that come together. So, you know, sometimes it's not always that you may have a weaker one.
28:21
You might actually have two strong individuals that's very independent.
28:26
And like Dot B said, they're both used to doing everything on their own.
28:30
So when they come together, you know, that's where they have the issues with the commitment.
28:35
It's like they want that relationship, but not the commitment that comes with it.
28:39
You know, this part right here, people don't want to talk about.
28:42
They don't want to hear this part right here because commitment to yourself
28:46
is safe because you can control the outcome.
28:50
But commitment to someone else means that you're trusting a variable that you cannot control.
28:57
And a lot of strong people Got where they are By controlling everything They.
29:03
Made all the decisions So when you're asked to surrender control For the sake of a relationship Yeah,
29:11
it feels like a weakness to them. Yeah, yeah. And some people just don't know how to do that.
29:17
Some people don't know how to relinquish that control.
29:20
Okay? So let's reframe this, okay? Surrender in a relationship is not a weakness
29:26
at all. You know, some people think it is.
29:28
It's a different kind of strength.
29:32
It's a strength to say I'm not enough alone by myself and I'm willing to build
29:37
something bigger than myself with someone else.
29:41
You know, a lot of people want that, but there's a percentage that don't want.
29:46
They don't want to relinquish everything because they're so used to doing it by themselves.
29:50
But that takes more courage, guys, than doing it solo.
29:54
Yeah. And, you know, and I like that, Doc B. I like the way you put that.
29:58
But I want to be honest about the other side. You know, some people should not be in a relationship.
30:05
Okay. Some people are just not ready.
30:08
Yeah, that is true. You know, I had the podcast with what he said when I was
30:14
talking about those grown adults with those adolescence moves.
30:17
You know, some people are moving around, you know, like they got a kid mentality
30:22
in a grown folk relationship.
30:24
You know, some people have not done the work on themselves yet. You understand?
30:29
And they're bringing their unfinished self into a marriage or relationship.
30:34
And that just creates two miserable people instead of one.
30:38
Yeah, that is true. So I don't think the answer is everyone should get married.
30:44
I think the answer is people should get ready.
30:48
Before they get married. Yeah, absolutely. I'm sure everybody,
30:52
I hope everybody that's listening in with this conversation agrees that you
30:58
definitely do not want to get married unless you're ready to get married.
31:03
And I always tell people, do some counseling. There's a lot of ministries,
31:08
a lot of churches that will give you counseling before you get married.
31:12
There's a lot of therapists that'll work with couples. There's a lot of life
31:16
coaches out there that'll work with couples before they get married because it's no joke.
31:22
It's a commitment. So readiness is the missing ingredient that a lot of people
31:27
have. They're not ready.
31:29
We treat marriage like it's a milestone that you hit at a certain age. No, it's not.
31:34
And I gave you the example of the person, this couple that I know that are not,
31:39
married and that's probably been dating. I'm serious.
31:42
I believe they've been dating at least, I'm not going to say 50.
31:45
I'm going to say at least 30, 40 years. No joke. No joke.
31:50
I promise you it is the truth. But apparently neither one of them or both of
31:55
them, I don't know, is not ready.
31:57
So you have to be ready for marriage and there's no age limit on when you should be ready.
32:05
It is the capacity that you develop. And most people are walking into it before
32:10
they built that capacity.
32:11
They aren't ready for the responsibilities of marriage.
32:15
So definitely don't do that. You know, a lot of people want to be married,
32:19
but don't enter it if you're not ready.
32:22
Yeah. Because if you're not, it's definitely going to result in a divorce.
32:25
So for me, you know, if I get married again, you know, especially after doing
32:30
twice, I'm definitely going to get some counseling with my future wife to make
32:35
sure that we can hold it together. You know?
32:37
Yeah. All right, guys. So let's put a real life example on this particular topic
32:42
that we're talking about right now.
32:44
You know, picture a woman who's been married for 10 years. It ain't no short
32:48
time now. No, it's not. She has built a career.
32:52
Raised two kids, and somewhere in the middle of all of that,
32:56
she and her husband stopped being partners and start being co-managers, you know?
33:01
They run the house efficiently, but there's no more warmth left.
33:06
You know, she's not unhappy enough to leave, but she's not happy enough to stay present.
33:14
You know, she's just going through the motions, you know what I mean?
33:18
And she's starting to wonder if this is all that marriage is supposed to be.
33:24
Okay, so what stands out in that particular scenario to me is not questioning
33:31
her love. I think she does love him.
33:34
She is questioning her commitment, you know, because the children are, she's raised two kids.
33:39
Listen at that. She raised two kids, so the kids are grown now.
33:43
You see what I'm saying? So they're probably empty nesters. And so some Some
33:48
married couples don't know how to function, guys, once the kids leave.
33:54
A lot of them get divorced after the kids leave. And some of them stayed in
33:58
that marriage. Guess what? Just for those kids. I kid you not.
34:02
I'm sure most of you have heard of that before. Okay. So love is what brought her in the marriage.
34:10
Commitment is what is supposed to keep her growing. When the commitment stops
34:14
being active, which is apparently she's not committed anymore.
34:18
Or love starts to feel like a memory instead of a living thing.
34:24
And she's going to have to get back to that, get back to why she entered the
34:28
relationship or entered the marriage from the very beginning.
34:32
Yeah, and you know, Dr. B, the thing that I noticed was that she described her marriage as efficient.
34:39
You know, that word tells you everything. A marriage is not supposed to be efficient.
34:43
No, it's not. It's supposed to be alive.
34:46
When you start measuring your relationship on how well you manage logistics,
34:50
you already lost the thread. I'm trying to tell you right there, you've lost it already.
34:55
The house is running, but the marriage is on autopilot.
34:59
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just doesn't seem like it's anything that if you're using
35:02
the word efficient, then it's something's missing.
35:05
It's not exciting or I don't know where you just got lost in it.
35:09
But hopefully this couple can rekindle things to get back to where they were.
35:14
So guys, we want to hear from you.
35:18
How many of you have been in a marriage that look fine from the outside?
35:23
But felt empty on the inside. A lot of you, maybe people think y'all are just happy as can be.
35:30
Posted out on social media that you went here, went there, did this, did that.
35:36
But on the inside, you're dying. You're empty.
35:39
How many of you are there, out there right now? Let us know if that is you.
35:45
This is the part nobody posts about. Most of you probably won't post that.
35:49
So the comments are where the real conversations happen. So let us know if that's
35:55
actually happening to you guys.
35:57
And thank you guys for your hearts. We appreciate you.
36:00
And guys, if you found your way back from that place, tell us how,
36:07
you know, what did you do to wake your marriage back up?
36:11
There's a lot of people out there right now in the middle of a marriage or in
36:15
a relationship that could be transitioning into marriage where they feel like
36:21
they're ready to back out.
36:22
And if you've done it, you've made that marriage work or you push that relationship
36:27
through, share it with us because we have people that want to know how to get past that threshold.
36:33
You know, what did you take to go from being a co-manager back to being partners?
36:38
You know, I'm telling you.
36:40
And I also broke J3. Some of them are private roommates. You know,
36:42
they feel like they're roommates. Yeah.
36:46
Instead of actually being in a full-fledged relationship. You know,
36:50
somebody's watching that needs to know it's possible, guys.
36:55
If your story might give them some hope, please share it tonight.
37:02
Okay, guys. So shout out to Dragon Routh.
37:05
We also have, we got some names on here I can't pronounce. Abu Dukara. Yeah.
37:13
R.G. Dunn. Thank you for joining us. We appreciate you guys. Dragon Routh. Yeah.
37:20
Thank you guys for joining. Hey, John Blunt. How are you this evening? Hey, Sia.
37:25
Yeah. Thank you guys for joining us. Yes. So shout out to everyone who's been,
37:31
honest in the comments. Guys, I want y'all to do a little bit more commenting.
37:35
A lot of you are giving us the hearts, but I don't see the comments.
37:40
Okay, guys, just think about it. Your vulnerability is what makes this community
37:44
different. If you're willing to share what you're going through,
37:48
that may help someone else.
37:50
It's going to help somebody else. And that's what it's all about.
37:54
So special shout out to the people who are watching this and realizing that
37:58
their marriage is on autopilot.
38:01
And you're deciding right now what to do to get your marriage back on track.
38:07
And that's what we want you guys to do. We want you to learn something from
38:10
this particular episode. What are you going to do about it?
38:13
Okay, that decision that you're going to make tonight is where the turnaround
38:18
starts, whether you're going to move forward or you're going to call it quits.
38:22
Yeah. And again, big shout out to everybody who's been watching this since the
38:27
first section. We really appreciate it.
38:29
And if you just joined and got back to watching it from the beginning, that's fine, too.
38:34
Or if you've been with us the whole time and you already know what time it is, we appreciate it.
38:39
Make sure, if you're not already, make sure you head over to YouTube and subscribe
38:45
at Live with J&B, J&B Live podcast. And we'll be right there.
38:50
Make sure you subscribe.
38:51
Share it with someone who needs it.
38:53
Okay, guys, we're actually going to get into another scenario about this recent,
39:02
thing that we were talking about because, you know, these relationship situations.
39:07
They are the ones that are actually the most powerful, okay?
39:11
So, what we're going to do is we're going to talk about a couple.
39:17
They're both in their early 30s. The millennials, you know, both of them are
39:21
very successful. And you know they'll call it quits in a minute.
39:25
Oh, man. Quick in her heartbeat. Quick in her heartbeat. You know,
39:28
she's a marketing director, and he runs his own small business.
39:33
On paper, they're doing everything right, looking like the startup power couple
39:38
in the making. Yeah, yeah.
39:39
You know, they own their home. They take regular trips, you know,
39:43
out of town, out of country.
39:45
They look great on social media. I mean, everybody loves them,
39:48
you know, literally everybody loves them.
39:51
But behind closed doors, hmm, that's not how the real conversation been in months. Yeah.
39:58
You know, they manage the house like a project.
40:01
They split the responsibilities like co-workers, and the intimacy is gone.
40:06
It ain't even there no more.
40:08
Some of them are even sleeping in separate bedrooms. I lie to you not.
40:11
You know, now neither one of them cheating now.
40:14
Neither one of them cheating. Neither one of them has been abusive.
40:18
They're just two strong individuals living in parallels under the same roof.
40:23
Now, she's starting to wonder if she even wants to stay anymore.
40:28
And he's starting to feel like he's living with a roommate and not a wife.
40:33
That's what I just mentioned a few minutes ago, guys. I told y'all about that.
40:37
A lot of married couples are out there who are living like roommates.
40:42
Okay, now what stands out in this particular relationship?
40:45
Scenario to you guys, okay? It's nothing dramatic.
40:48
There's no betrayal. That's the best part about it. No explosions,
40:52
no single event that broke them.
40:55
They eroded. And that's the part people do not understand about a modern family struggle.
41:01
It's a rare catastrophe, okay? It's usually a slow shift, which is what's happening to this couple.
41:09
Slowly, they're becoming gradually drifting apart, Okay?
41:14
That drift, you know, it's slowly happening.
41:17
And before you know it, they're going to be just like roommates.
41:20
And eventually, they'll start
41:21
going their separate ways until that distance was too far, too close.
41:26
So what they've got to figure out to do, y'all tell me, tell Broker J3 what they need to do.
41:32
They need to figure out a way to get back in touch with each other and bring
41:36
their family back together instead of drifting apart.
41:40
Yeah. And, oh, welcome, Miss Empowered. Yes, shout out.
41:44
Welcome, Jamaican DTA and Big T. Welcome. Thank you, guys.
41:48
Hey, Big T. Welcome back. And Sean. Yeah, and the thing that I noticed was that.
41:54
They did everything right, Dot B.
41:56
They really did. They did everything right individually. Individually.
42:01
But everything wronged together. You know, their individual strength was not the problem.
42:07
The problem was they never learned how to turn their strength towards the relationship.
42:13
You know, they were two CEOs running the household and nobody was doing the work of being married.
42:20
And that gets back to what you said earlier, Broker Day 3, and this is the topic
42:24
for our conversation. You've got two strong individuals.
42:28
And so that's what happens sometimes. Even it doesn't necessarily have to be
42:31
a strong and a weak person. It can be two strong ones.
42:34
And they're so independent that they don't know how to bring it back together,
42:39
bring themselves back and drift back closer together.
42:43
Exactly. Don't be it.
42:45
All right, guys. So go ahead and drop those comments. Let us know what you guys are thinking.
42:51
We appreciate you guys. So this is the danger of strong individual narratives. Okay.
42:58
It does not destroy families through conflict.
43:01
It destroys them through neglect because in this particular case,
43:05
they're neglecting each other.
43:07
So, you know, they can be so focused on being your best self that you forget
43:13
to be present for someone else.
43:16
And that's what's happening in this particular case. Yeah, and by the time they
43:20
notice, the other person has already started emotionally packing their bags.
43:25
You know, they have not left yet, but they're already checked out.
43:29
You know, that's the stage most couples reach before they ever walk into counseling.
43:35
You know, and the crazy part, they should walk into counseling before they get to that point.
43:39
They're not coming in to fix it, What they're doing is they're coming in to
43:43
get permission to leave. That's what they're doing.
43:47
Because most people, when they get to counseling, somebody already decided that
43:52
they ready to leave, not necessarily how they can fix what's going on.
43:56
Like Missing Power says, it falls back to communication and they are so busy
44:02
that they forget how to love each other.
44:04
You know, exactly. And that's exactly what's going on. It's exactly what's going
44:10
on. I agree with you 110%.
44:12
They forget how they love each other. And that's what, and you're right,
44:16
Broker J3 as well. A lot of people start counseling when they want to exit the
44:20
relationship instead of starting
44:22
the counseling when you first feel that relationship start to shift.
44:27
That's when you really need to start the counseling.
44:31
That makes so much sense right there. You know, hey, I'm listening even on a
44:35
personal level, Doc B. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what happens. Yeah, yeah.
44:40
So, guys, so if this scenario, if this hit home for some of you,
44:44
okay, give us a shout out, send us a heart, and let us know what you guys are
44:49
thinking. So let me ask this question. How many of you are living parallel lives right now?
44:54
How many of you are in a house that looks perfect from the outside?
44:59
People think you guys are happy and feels empty on the inside.
45:05
Go to bed at nighttime. Y'all don't even speak to each other.
45:08
Don't even say goodnight.
45:09
Okay, we want to hear from you guys because this is a conversation that most
45:13
people are too afraid to have out loud. Let us know what you're thinking.
45:19
Yeah, now, and if you are a couple and you found your way back,
45:24
You know, tell us what it took, because I promise you, if somebody right now
45:29
that's on this live, they want to know, you know, what was the moment that made
45:34
you realize that you was drifting?
45:36
You know, what did you do to close that gap?
45:39
You know, hell, I want to know, you know, you know, something somebody watching
45:44
this in this exact moment right now.
45:48
Their house is in the exact same situation right now, and they need to know,
45:53
how that distance can be closed before it's too late.
45:58
That is true. All right, guys. So shout out again. We got Billy Jason.
46:03
We got John Blunt. We got Lady Moody Bo.
46:07
We got Adi Doo. Yeah. Okay.
46:11
All right. Thank you guys for joining us. Keep those hearts coming. We appreciate you.
46:18
Keep the comments coming as well. Thank you, guys.
46:21
We appreciate you for being loyal and staying with us throughout this episode.
46:27
So shout out to those who watched this section and decided to have the conversation
46:33
that they've been avoiding to have.
46:35
Even if you're not saying it out loud, you're thinking it and we see you.
46:38
Okay. And so that is where the turnaround begins because you want to pull that
46:45
relationship back together. So special shout out to those of you who shared this episode.
46:50
Thank you for that. You may have shared it with one of your partner. That's a good thing.
46:54
And then said, hey, we need to talk later on about this. That's a good thing
46:58
because it opens up the communication. Just like Ms. Empower said a few minutes
47:02
ago, it's all about communication. So that takes a lot of courage and we see you.
47:08
Yeah, and shout out to everybody that have been with us for the whole podcast this evening.
47:14
You know, you guys are the real ones. You guys are the ones that we can always
47:18
count on because you want to hear from start to finish.
47:21
And if you made it this far, you clearly have invested into this conversation.
47:26
And that means a lot to Dr. B and I.
47:28
You know, so for the ones who haven't already, make sure you slide over to YouTube at Live with J&B.
47:35
Hit subscribe. It's free. Doesn't cost a thing.
47:38
Turn on the notifications and stay with us before our final thoughts,
47:43
you know, which are coming up right now.
47:45
Okay, guys. So here's what I want you guys to sit with.
47:50
I want you to think about this wholeheartedly.
47:55
We spent a generation telling people to be strong. You know,
47:59
that's what we teach people, men and women. You know, it used to be just men,
48:02
but now we teach women to be strong and independent as well.
48:06
How to build themselves up, you know, and there's nothing wrong with that.
48:11
Seriously, there's nothing wrong with that.
48:14
But if your strength leaves no room for anyone else, then you're actually,
48:18
you're not actually strong, you
48:20
know, because it takes a lot to invite someone in and share that space.
48:24
You are just alone with your accomplishment. Most people want to have someone
48:29
to share their accomplishment with.
48:31
Okay, the question is not whether you can build a life. We already know you can do that.
48:36
The question is whether you can build a life worth sharing with someone else
48:41
and willing to do that, of course, okay?
48:43
And that requires something no individual achievement will ever give you.
48:48
It requires the willingness to need someone else, to need someone,
48:53
not just want someone, but to need someone.
48:56
I like that, Dr. B. So here's what I'll leave with you guys tonight on this topic.
49:05
Nobody on their deathbed wishes that they spent more time at the office.
49:11
Nobody. You know, nobody's looking back and said, I wish I had been more independent.
49:18
You know, the people who built strong families were not the ones who had it all figured out.
49:26
They were the ones who decided that the person next to them was worth staying
49:32
for, even when it was hard, even when it was inconvenient,
49:38
even when their individual strength was telling them to walk away.
49:44
So if you're watching this and you're in a season where leaving looks easier than staying, hear me.
49:53
The strength you need is not the strength to leave.
49:57
It is the strength to stay and build something that outlasts you.
50:02
Now, that's the real flex. And that's what J&B Live is all about.
50:07
Yes, we do. We think it really is all about it. If anybody has met anybody that's
50:11
been married for 30-plus years. My parents have been married almost 50 years.
50:16
Wow. But anybody that's been married that long, I'm telling you,
50:20
they will tell you it's going to be some ups and downs. It's going to be some
50:24
good, some hard, and some bad times.
50:28
But they still together. Yeah.
50:33
Okay, guys, so, and that's going to do it for tonight.
50:38
Oh, what a powerful conversation. We hope you guys actually learn something
50:43
and be able to take what we discussed tonight, take it and digest it and sit with it,
50:50
or better yet, share it with someone else that may benefit from it as well.
50:53
So we appreciate everybody who spent time with us tonight.
50:57
Like I said before, there's tons, thousands of podcasts out there,
51:02
but you decided to spend a little time with us this evening, and we are grateful.
51:06
So whether you agreed with us, disagreed with us, or somewhere during the conversation
51:12
said, wait a minute, they got a point.
51:15
Now, that's what we want this show to be about.
51:19
Not telling you what to think, but giving you something worth thinking about.
51:25
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So make sure, guys, make sure you subscribe to J&B Live Podcast
51:31
on YouTube because YouTube is our.
51:35
Main home for the show because that's where we have everything nestled, all of our episodes.
51:41
Like the video, share it with somebody who needs to hear this conversation.
51:45
And most importantly, leave your thoughts in the comment because our conversation
51:50
doesn't have to end when this show goes off the air.
51:54
That's right, guys. We get most of our comments actually after we're no longer
51:59
live because, you know, people have different time frames when they can view the podcast.
52:05
So we understand that. So even if we go off air, you can always go back on,
52:10
especially if you go to YouTube and,
52:13
go on to the comments and you can put your comment in then, you know,
52:17
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52:22
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52:24
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52:28
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52:33
We want to see you guys there. We want to talk with you guys there and continue
52:37
these conversations as we, you know, with you throughout the week.
52:43
Yeah. Yeah. And if you're listening, guys, those of you who are listening instead
52:46
of watching, you can find the J&B Live podcast on Apple Podcasts.
52:51
We're on our music, Spotify, Pandora, our heart radio, and other major podcast
52:59
platforms, just wherever you get your podcast platform.
53:03
So search JMB Live Podcasts and take us with us wherever you go,
53:07
guys. Remember, you can listen to us while you're on the road.
53:11
That's right, guys. And remember, we're not here to tell you which side you're supposed to be on.
53:17
We're here to have the conversations that families, couples,
53:21
parents, children, and communities need to have.
53:25
All right, guys. So until next time, thank you guys for joining us.
53:30
I want you to keep learning, keep growing, and keep having the conversations that matter.
53:37
And remember, guys, strong individuals can build successful lives,
53:42
but strong families can change generations.
53:45
Oh, yeah. I like that. Okay, guys. I am Dr. B.
53:49
Thank you again. And until next time.
53:52
And I am your boy, your favorite uncle. You know that guy, BrokerJ3.
53:56
And as always, guys, let's talk about it. Thank you, guys.
54:01
All right. Good night, everybody. Good night.