Latest / Recovering Out Loud / 12-Step vs. Non-12-Step vs. Therapy: What Actually Helps in Recovery?

Transcript

12-Step vs. Non-12-Step vs. Therapy: What Actually Helps in Recovery? · Recovering Out Loud

• 0:00
  Sub dogs if you've ever thought to yourself I need help I want
• 0:06
  to join a group but I fucking hate a a This video is for you.
• 0:10
  You know since I've come into recovery I've come across sorry
• 0:14
  let me rephrase that. Since I've started going online
• 0:17
  with my recovery I've noticed there's a lot of pushback. 12
• 0:22
  step based Alcoholics Anonymous and narcotics anonymous.
• 0:25
  Today I'm going to talk about the different types of groups
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  and how a A doesn't have a monopoly on sobriety.
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  Right. You don't have to go to a A to
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  get sober. The 12 steps works for a lot of
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  people. And trust me, I'm not going to
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  go on a huge rant here about why everybody should do 12 steps.
• 0:42
  Everyone's recovery is different.
• 0:44
  You need to choose your own path.
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  I'm just going to give you all the answers of different
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  answers, the wrong word. I'm going to give you all the
• 0:51
  different types of recovery groups that you can attend
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  recovery meetings and then you make an informed decision.
• 0:57
  When I went to rehab, they preached 12 steps.
• 1:01
  I joined in and I love it. I honestly love it.
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  And I'm not just talking about going to a few meetings here and
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  there. I'm talking about actually
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  working the steps with a sponsor.
• 1:09
  If you're the type of person that says a A is bad and 12
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  steps don't work and you've been to like 3 meetings, that is the
• 1:17
  fucking equivalent of you saying sushi sucks and you've never
• 1:21
  tried sushi. Don't be that guy.
• 1:22
  If you've been to a few meetings and haven't worked the steps,
• 1:24
  don't hate on it and tell other people that doesn't work.
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  You're spreading misinformation. Just because the meetings in
• 1:29
  your area sucked, or there was predators there, or there were
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  people that were behaving poorly does not mean you get to call
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  all of Alcoholics Anonymous bad and it doesn't work. 12 steps
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  are not for everybody. I understand that and I've
• 1:43
  accepted that. I'm OK with it.
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  I'm going to give you all the options to find your recovery
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  because that's what I'm here for.
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  I'm here to give you all the options so that you can make an
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  informed decision. So in this video today, by the
• 1:58
  way, I'm Anthony. I'm an alcoholic and an addict.
• 2:00
  I've been in recovery for 10 years, relapsed after eight
• 2:03
  years sober, and I'm coming up to a year again.
• 2:09
  I've learned a lot in this time. And my goal with all of this is
• 2:12
  to give you a new perspective on recovery to help you get through
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  those tough days because all this information that I'm giving
• 2:20
  you has been given freely to me and I enjoy passing it down to
• 2:23
  you. So if you like these videos,
• 2:25
  please subscribe, follow rate the podcast, send it to a friend
• 2:29
  and send me a message and what you want to want me to talk
• 2:33
  about next because I love new ideas and I love new
• 2:36
  perspectives. So I'm willing to talk about it
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  in depth. So in this video today, we're
• 2:41
  going to walk through the different recovery groups and
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  the different modalities of recovery.
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  And then like I said, you make an informed decision.
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  Again, I'm not here to preach 12 step.
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  I'm not here to tell you have to do one way.
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  There's many paths up the recovery mountain.
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  You get to choose. So if you are completely
• 2:59
  overwhelmed and confused with all the different recovery
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  groups, naa, SMART Recovery, recovery Dharma, what the fuck
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  does it all mean? This video is for you.
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  I'm going to explain them all 1 by 1, and I want you to know
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  what's totally normal to be overwhelmed.
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  And like I said, there's a difference between attending
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  meetings and actually working the program, whatever that
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  program is. So give it an honest try.
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  Don't just go to one or two and say it all sucks.
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  Please. You're doing yourself a
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  disservice, honestly. So before I get into the list,
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  here's why recovery groups matter.
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  Here's why we need them. Here's what they do for me and
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  you possibly. So as a lot of us know, recovery
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  is not. Just stop drinking and your life
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  becomes better. If anything, it gets harder
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  because you've removed your solution to your problem.
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  Alcohol. Alcohol was helping me cope with
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  my life. Drugs were helping me turn down
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  the noise of my head, as I always say.
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  How do I cope with stress? Who do I call when I want to
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  drink or use drugs? How do I rebuild my life so I'm
• 3:53
  not white knuckling it anymore and I'm not when more
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  importantly, I'm not alone during this process?
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  You can't do recovery alone. Honestly, don't try.
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  So the different groups and modalities provide structure,
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  community, language. So words for shit that you've
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  been feeling. How to identify your feelings
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  and accountability, So somebody that calls you out on your
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  bullshit when you don't show up to a meeting, somebody that
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  calls you to check how you're doing, all important stuff.
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  So different people click with different methods.
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  Some need the scientific approach.
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  Others like myself need the spiritual, spiritual approach
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  where I am not God and I don't understand God, but there is a
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  power greater than me that I need to follow because my will,
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  my ego, my thinking, my great ideas got me alone in hotel
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  rooms partying all night, hating my life.
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  So first up, we have 12 step groups.
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  OK, that's Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine
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  Anonymous. I went to a meth anonymous
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  meeting in Utah when I was there for rehab.
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  The fucking stories in that place.
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  Wild. Good recovery, though.
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  There was good recovery there. Yeah, Utah was great.
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  So the positives about 12 step meetings, as they're everywhere
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  or in a lot of cities, they're online as well, pretty easily
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  accessible in my experience. So it's based around the 12
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  steps and 12 traditions. It's free, there is no cost and
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  it's pure LED. So there's no leaders, there's
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  no one in charge, right. People take over service
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  positions and lead the meeting and they change it up every
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  week. You can get a sponsor and that's
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  somebody that's done the 12 steps usually that can guide you
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  through the 12 steps so that you can pass it on to somebody else.
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  It's, you know, 12 step programs are kind of like the pyramid
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  scheme without the scheme. Honestly, there's no catch.
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  The only catch really is that the person helping you is
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  actually probably getting helped more than you are.
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  You have to experience it to understand what I just said
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  there. All right, My favorite common
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  myths and fears of people on the Internet, mainly it's a cult.
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  You have to believe in God or be religious.
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  I'm not going to go into it, but when you have some time, just
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  Google the definition of a cult, OK?
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  It's not, it is not a cult whatsoever.
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  Even if it is, it's a cult that helps millions of people around
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  the world every day. I'm fucking sign me up.
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  So again, this goes back to some meetings are different than
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  others, right? Just because one group, the
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  people talk about God a lot. There's secular meetings all
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  over the place, right? Find one that maybe doesn't talk
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  about higher power aspects too much.
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  I don't really do well with those ones because I identify as
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  with spirituality. I'm a spiritual person.
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  I'm happy to be a spiritual person.
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  I don't go to church. I'm not religious, I'm not God,
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  really as simple as that. So my suggestion, try different
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  meetings. Don't just go to 1 and say it's
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  all bad and you hate it and it doesn't work and some guy hit on
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  me. That's a bad meeting, not a bad
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  program. Focus on the similarities
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  instead of the differences. Right?
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  So when you hear someone talk, stop comparing yourself to them.
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  To compare yourself to the similarities, look for the
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  similarities. Look for the feelings, how you
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  felt when you heard it, when you walked out, the feelings that
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  people talk about, right? Just because you know, you
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  didn't flip a car on the highway yet or you didn't get 60 UIS
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  like buddy that shared over there doesn't mean that you
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  didn't feel the same about drinking, you didn't feel the
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  same about alcohol. So main emphasis is take what
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  you need, leave what you don't, and you're allowed to move on if
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  it's not your fit. All right, SMART Recovery and
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  other secular program, the probably the second biggest
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  recovery group recovery community out there is SMART
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  Recovery. So it focuses on self management
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  and recovery training. It uses science based, evidence
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  based tools like CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, motivational
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  interviewing and other evidence based approaches.
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  They talk more about triggers, thoughts, behaviors instead of
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  character defects, which I don't to be honest with you.
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  I don't know what's wrong with character word character defect.
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  Like we all have character defects.
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  Fucking suck it up. Face it, you're not perfect.
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  Anyways, I I promised I wouldn't rant about this.
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  I just feel very strongly about people that hate on other
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  recovery groups period. Really Like I don't care if you
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  haven't tried it or just why are you hating on a thing that works
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  for so many people, right? It's like, it's like hating on
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  the the local hospital for the way that they deliver chemo to
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  their patients because you don't agree with the way they deliver
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  their chemo. Shut the fuck up.
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  Thanks. Live and let live.
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  So meetings can be in person or online and it's with it's led by
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  a trained facilitator. Instead of working the steps,
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  you use practical tools that are cognitive CBT based, cognitive
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  behavioral therapy based. So challenging unhelpful
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  thoughts such as I deserve a drink or I can just have one.
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  So building motivation and coping strategies, plans for
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  high risk situations. So very practical, right?
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  Very science based. There's also other secular
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  organizations such as and I've never heard of these ones.
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  Life ring recovery, life ring secular recovery and or SOS
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  secular organizations of sobriety for sobriety.
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  Sorry. So I guess like, you know, all
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  this to say that if the spiritual stuff really bothers
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  you that much and you can't wrap your head around it or you
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  really struggle with this not being the center of the universe
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  thing, you're very, I don't know, logical, science based,
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  analytical person. These groups can be great for
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  you. It's more like skills training,
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  you know, all right, stirred up. We have mindfulness and Buddhist
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  based recovery practices such as refuge recovery and Dharma
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  recovery, recover, sorry, recovery Dharma.
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  So they use a Buddhist approach and look at addiction as a cause
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  for suffering. Sorry cause A cause of suffering
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  in a bigger system of suffering. They focus on spiritual
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  practices such as meditation, mindfulness, compassion, and
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  ethical living. People who vibe with these
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  groups often say things like I needed something spiritual but
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  not religious. Meditation helped me sit through
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  cravings. So if you're open to meditation,
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  interested in Eastern philosophy, or if you notice
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  anxiety, shame, and trauma are huge triggers, this might be for
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  you. And then there's therapy,
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  therapy and clinical modalities, which I think could be used in
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  conjunction with one of the other groups I mentioned, right?
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  So cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy,
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  EMDR, it's eye movement desensitation, eye movement
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  desensitization and reprocessing, EMDR, motivational
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  interviewing. And the therapy can be
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  one-on-one, right? Go to Psychology Today and find
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  a therapist that specializes in trauma or addiction or whatever
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  you're looking for. They can be group based, they
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  can be in person and online. There's tons of therapists out
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  there that lead groups as well as one-on-one therapy.
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  This is a great tool to have in the toolbox for sure.
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  Somebody that you can really unload your shit to and trust
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  for outside perspective. So I'll explain quickly.
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  CBT What it what it is. Cognitive behavioral Therapy
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  helps you notice and change the thoughts and beliefs that drive
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  your urges and behaviors Right, so you're challenging these
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  negative thought patterns. DBT Dialectical Behavioral
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  Therapy focuses on emotional regulation, distress tolerance,
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  and relationships, so this is great if you feel impulsive or
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  intense emotions. EMDR, It's often used for trauma
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  and it helps you process experiences that keep your
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  nervous system stuck and in fight, flight or freeze.
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  And then motivational interviewing is pretty much, you
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  know, basic talk therapy, right? Like somebody asking you deeper
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  questions about how you feel about things and getting you to
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  open up about them. Very effective.
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  So all this to say that if you don't have a lot of money, you
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  don't need to have money to get sober.
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  You know, one of the biggest things that drives me crazy is
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  when people say, well, I don't have enough money for things.
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  I'd think there's a lot of free groups out there.
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  There's a lot of people that are willing to help.
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  Get out of your own way. Stop making excuses, go and get
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  help. If a A is not for you, stop
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  yelling at people and telling them not to go because it's we
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  went to one or two bad meetings in your area.
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  Leave it alone. Not for you.
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  Go and do something else. All right, quick but important
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  section harm reduction. It's OK.
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  Not everybody goes from 100% sober to completely abstinent
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  overnight, right? This might be a good step in the
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  direction of abstinence so you could work with a doctor and get
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  on medication that help with cravings or withdrawal.
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  If you're in Ontario go to RAM clinics RAAM rapid access
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  addiction medicine. It's covered by O hip.
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  They give out great resources and medication as well.
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  If you want to quit drinking and using you can get on opiate
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  agonist treatment. So methadone, buprenorphine,
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  Suboxone, right, for people that use opiates.
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  All right, so I'll wrap up with this.
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  How do I choose one of them? Well, you got to try, right?
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  Try talk to people that have been there.
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  You can do more than one program at once to get your set of feet
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  in the in the door, foot in the door.
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  My recommendation, when you go to these meetings, talk to
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  somebody that looks happy and looks comfortable and ask them
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  how they did it, how they got sober.
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  Say you're new, right? If you're a woman, go up to an
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  older woman. If you're a man, go up to a man
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  and say, hey, I'm new here. What do I do?
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  Hey, I'm new here. This is my first time.
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  What do I do? Most people will help you feel,
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  make you feel like you're in the right place.
• 13:47
  If you don't like going in person, there's they're all
• 13:50
  available online. Start online, then maybe go in
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  person. Let me know in the comments
• 13:54
  which program you use and try and your experience with getting
• 13:59
  sober. All right, again, there's not
• 14:02
  one right way to get sober. You have to find the way for
• 14:05
  you. For me, I came in here beaten.
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  I couldn't really trust myself to make any decisions.
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  So I had to turn my will and my life over to the care of an
• 14:15
  addictions counselor, a professional that knew what they
• 14:18
  were talking about. I did everything they told me to
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  do. I went to rehab, told me to say
• 14:22
  an extra 30 days in rehab. Didn't want to fucking stay an
• 14:25
  extra 30 days in rehab. I had eight years.
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  Don't you know I'm ready to go back to my my life listened
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  anyways, right? These are the things that are
• 14:32
  going to keep you sober if you do things you don't necessarily
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  want to do, but someone else is telling you that it worked for
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  them or a professional is telling you it might change your
• 14:42
  life, right? Recovery is not supposed to be
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  easy. It's simple.
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  Follow the direction, do what other people have done and pass
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  it on to somebody else. Try different recovery groups,
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  try different modalities, explore, get out there and then
• 14:57
  try and help someone else that's struggling, right?
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  Service is so important in my opinion.
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  I you know, in my opinion, and I'll close with this, you need
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  three things. I need 3 things to stay sober.
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  I need community of like minded people that are also sober.
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  I need to do service. I need to be of service to
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  people. So especially the new person
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  coming in, I need to sit down with them and ask them how
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  they're doing and help them through their shit.
• 15:21
  And I need a spiritual solution, right?
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  I need a program of action where I can pray, I can meditate, I
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  can journal and I can make decisions.
• 15:29
  Not in self will not to please Anthony because that's what I
• 15:33
  was doing in the past. That's what I do in my
• 15:35
  addiction. I please Anthony all the time.
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  I need to follow some sort of direction, principles, honesty,
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  hope, faith, love, service to name a few.
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  That's just me, everyone's different.
• 15:48
  Tell me what what works for you. Thanks for listening again guys,
• 15:52
  have a great day. Recovery is not easy, but it is
• 15:56
  simple.