Latest / Rewild by Design / 18: How to Stop Overriding Yourself in Midlife

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18: How to Stop Overriding Yourself in Midlife · Rewild by Design

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to ReWild by Design, podcast for women in midlife who are ready to burn the rule book, drop the good girl mask, and come home to who they really are.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host Marissa, a human design and gene keys mentor, and your guide in this wild woman era.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Get ready for bold conversations, raw truths, and the kind of insights that'll shake you awake.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because midlife isn't the end of your story.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's the point where you finally get to write it your way.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Rewild by Design.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Today might be a little bit of a shorter episode.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk about something that a lot of women do, myself included, that we might not even realize that we're doing.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that is overriding ourselves or self-override.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not always like these big decisions.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not always the obvious stuff that we're doing this, right?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's this undercurrent that is these patterns that are happening kind of subconsciously.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I see this, like I said, all the time with my clients and women that I talk to.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And even though it's subtle, it builds up really quickly because, like I said, we don't even know that we're doing it, right?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Some examples in real life.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say you get asked to do something, and there is this like split second where your body tightens up or it's giving you a signal that maybe this isn't something that you want to do or it's correct for you, but you say yes anyway, right?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's automatic, right?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: We want to keep the peace.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: We have been conditioned to be people pleasers.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or let's say you're in a conversation with someone and something just feels off, but you still stay in that conversation.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like you keep talking, you keep smiling, you keep again, you keep the peace.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Or you maybe don't even say what you really want to say.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or sometimes some of us say too much, right?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: We word vomit on other people.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And just to try to make it sound more palatable, palatable, or make it sound better.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And we're trying this subconscious thing that's happening is that we're trying to make other people around us comfortable.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: But that's at our expense.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And right, we just keep doing this over and over so that our body and our nervous system thinks that this is normal, right?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Some other examples.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe this can show up in your day-to-day.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it could show up in, especially for us undefined sacrils, right?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Where you're tired, but you have been taught to just continually push through, even past the point of exhaustion.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And you just don't even question it.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: You get to this point where you keep going because that, number one, is what is expected of you.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: And number two, it's what's familiar.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's what you've always done.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, none of this really looks extreme, right?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like when we look at all of this, these are just small little actions or decisions or behaviors, but they're adding up.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why they're kind of easy to miss.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: But they are happening all the time without us even really knowing it until we're gonna talk about this in a little bit, until midlife.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to continue to live like this.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to continue to keep the peace just because that's what you were taught to do, or that is the polite thing to do.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: No, we're not telling everybody to go fuck themselves, but we're we can set loving boundaries.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: We can say, no, this isn't for me.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where I find human design to be so supportive because it points out, and gene keys too, because it points out these patterns that have been running the show underneath the surface.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times I've seen women come to human design and see the system and see where they have been running these patterns, and they start judging themselves.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that is not what the system is for.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Human design is not another box to fit yourself in, or if you don't fit the descriptions in the chart that you automatically have to feel shame or guilt or whatever because you feel some kind of way about it.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Human design is here to help you take your power back, right?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: We're not giving away our power to other people anymore.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna use human design as a way and as a tool in your toolbox to help you stop overriding yourself, to stop doing these things that don't feel good in your body, but you feel like you have to.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: You feel like you're obligated to.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if I'm honest, you know, a lot of, like I said, a lot of these patterns are happening so fast you don't even catch them, right?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: You're overriding, and your brain comes up with this justification to keep you safe, to keep you familiar.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: But when you start working with your human design in real time, the biggest shifts, I can say they're not gonna be these huge, monumental, the skies are parting and the angels are coming, you know, with their horns and they're singing your praises.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna happen because your decisions feel good in your body.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: You stop talking yourself into things or out of things just because of expectations.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you stop staying in relationships that don't feel good to you.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Or they've, you know, the shelf life of that relationship, it's it's met its expiration date.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or you stop trying to make everything have to make sense and needing the checklist and the pros and cons and phoning five friends before you make that decision.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: These are little ways, but they're little ways that are going to rewire how our brain thinks and operates, and it's going to show our nervous system that these new ways are safe.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like we're not in danger, we're not being chased by lions in the wild.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: We're literally just saying no.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you're the person who's always smoothing things over, right?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Using your human design can change how you manage everyone else.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that, you know, you're gonna be an asshole to everyone.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's that you can relax and let other people have their reactions without you jumping in to try to fix them, or you don't say all these extra things just to keep people comfortable.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe allowing a little bit of tension to stay there because maybe that is what is needed in this moment.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I will say you'll start to notice not everything needs your response, your reaction, or even your involvement.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Another example could be maybe you're holding back on what you want to really say.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: You're quieting your voice, you're staying small.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or on the opposite end, right?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: The pendulum swings both ways, that maybe you're saying too much because you're trying to be understood, you're trying to be heard.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: But by using your design is you come back to your voice.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: You stop forcing it, you stop inserting yourself into conversations, and you don't just jump in so that you can be heard.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: You wait until the timing is right, until it actually feels right to speak.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the time, especially for projectors or projected channels in the chart where people actually can hear you.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: They're not, they're actually listening, you know, instead of it falling on deaf ears.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now, and if you're somebody who tends to overcommit, you're saying yes just because you think that is either going to get you the acceptance, the love, the praise, what have you.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: But what changes is that you give yourself a second to pause before saying yes.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that's it.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: You can pause.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or let's say if you have an emotional wave, you tell someone, can I can I sleep on this?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or can I get back to you tomorrow?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: That alone is a win.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: That alone is showing your nervous system that it's okay to not automatically jump into everything just because you're invited to it or just because you're asked to do something.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and half of the time, I will say, as you're going through your human design experiment, you're not even going to like realize that you're doing this.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's eventually going to become as automatic as all of these other decisions in this other programming that you've been running.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: We're just going to insert a new operating system, and we're going to go by that playbook, right?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the biggest shift can be these quick, quiet moments where you know something feels off, right?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: We all have instinctual awareness.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: We all have intuition, body-based intuition.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And most people have been taught to ignore it, but not anymore, right?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to talk yourself out of it.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to wait until you have logic or proof to show that something, you know, that spidey sense you get is correct.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're just going to start trusting it because you don't have to overanalyze every single thing.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to explain it.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to even like just go there.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: You can engage in a different way.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can leave a conversation sooner.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: You can leave a relationship and know that you are going to be safe.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And this is when life starts feeling less heavy and more authentically you.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And in midlife, I want to talk about this a little bit more.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Is midlife is this cool time.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I never really realized it until I hit my 40s, is that it is this time where what do they call them?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like the feral 40s, is that your tolerance for bullshit, poof, it dissipates, right?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: We are not the same women that we were in our teens, in our 20s, in our 30s.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: And believe it or not, when you hit 40, you don't just shrivel up like a prune and die, right?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is actually the time where we can step into who our souls want us to be in the lessons that we need to evolve as spiritual beings, right?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And find it fascinating.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: And these things that you used to be able to push through, because you had the energy, you're going to feel into it more.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know that, and it's not a bad thing, but you don't have the same capacity that you had before to constantly override yourself just to keep things moving forward.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to say, hold up.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: This shit ain't working for me anymore, right?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Midlife is this time where our bodies get louder.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And not just in these like aches and pains and the little like, you know, random joint pops or you stretch around and you got to go to the chiropractor.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: But this is the time where we get to listen to our bodies.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: They get louder for a reason because we have overridden all of these signals for far too long.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it's time to hear ourselves in our inner knowing instead of everything else that the world has told us that we should be, we should act, we should do.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get rid of the shoulds.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: This is this time where we get to ask different questions, not the how do I fix this?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: How do I make this better?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: But why does this feel off?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Or what is this trying to tell me?
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want a good place to start with using your human design, get my energy snapshot.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: It is free with your human design chart.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's a 10-minute audio that will help you.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: It'll explain how your energy is naturally wired to move.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: So you're not just guessing your way through this.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are the woman who is at this point, like, shit, I can't keep doing it like this way anymore.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I need to know why I'm doing these things.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is exactly what we're doing inside the Nine Centers Mystery School.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is human design, not just learning more, packing more into your brain and never doing anything with it.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we slow down in real time, where we get to notice what is actually happening in our bodies, in our lives, in our spaces, and say, hmm, this is the pattern that has been showing up.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I have been doing.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And we're honoring that journey we've been on because it has helped us to get where we are.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: And human design and living your design in real time is where the magic in midlife can really happen and where you actually can practice with other women in community and practice responding differently to these challenges, to these relationships, to these things that come up in life instead of defaulting back into the old patterns.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I say it and I will preach it till I'm blue in the face.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just about learning your design.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Information is so important, but the real magic is in what you actually do with it and when you're living as your blueprint, as who you chose to be.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll link both of those in the show notes.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have questions, comments, please find me on Insta, find me on TikTok, send me a DM, rate review the podcast as well.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: It just helps this message get out to other women.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: But until next time, I love you.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's it for this episode of Rewild by Design.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: I trust that you got what you needed here today.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: And just remember, you don't need another checklist.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: You need your own voice back.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: So go out, live a little louder, a little freer, and a hell of a lot more like yourself.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll see you next time.