Latest / The You Project / #2058 Self-Sabotage - Harps

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#2058 Self-Sabotage - Harps · The You Project

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Speaker 1: I'll get eighteen. How are you oh good? Really? Oh good? Anyway,
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Speaker 1: I hope you will. I want to talk to you
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Speaker 1: about something today that I talk about pretty frequently, something
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Speaker 1: that I have had to deal with and acknowledge and
0:20
Speaker 1: navigate myself. And that, of course, you know, is self sabotage.
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Speaker 1: That is the old the process of getting in one's
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Speaker 1: own way, of shooting oneself in one's foot, of being
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Speaker 1: the fucking problem in one's own situation. So anyway, we
0:41
Speaker 1: do that, we do that a lot. We get in
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Speaker 1: our own way. We don't intend to get in our
0:44
Speaker 1: own way. We don't want it, we don't want to
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Speaker 1: get in our own way, we don't plan it, but
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Speaker 1: we do it. And we can't fix what we can't understand,
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Speaker 1: and we can't fix what we don't acknowledge. We're not
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Speaker 1: going to fix in inverted commas this in ten seconds,
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Speaker 1: because we're always probably going to do a version of
1:01
Speaker 1: it to some extent. But I guess, like many other things,
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Speaker 1: slow down, harps. I guess, like many other things, it's
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Speaker 1: it's addressing it, and it's turning down the volume on
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Speaker 1: it and doing less of it. We're not aiming for perfection.
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Speaker 1: We're aiming for growth and development and improvement. So I
1:23
Speaker 1: want to run through with you the ways that I
1:27
Speaker 1: have or pretty much all of these I've done. I
1:29
Speaker 1: don't know about you, but I think you might. If
1:32
Speaker 1: you put on your big boy slash big girl pants
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Speaker 1: and be super brave, you might hear some of you.
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Speaker 1: You might recognize some of you, hear some of your
1:43
Speaker 1: story in what I'm about to share. So I want
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Speaker 1: to go through. I just want to think out loud
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Speaker 1: about all of this stuff. I don't know that there
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Speaker 1: are going to be any standalone, universally appropriate solutions, per se.
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Speaker 1: But we can't get better at the thing that we,
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Speaker 1: like I said, understand or won acknowledge. So it starts
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Speaker 1: with talking about it, starts with acknowledging, it starts with
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Speaker 1: trying to understand it. When we understand it, we can
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Speaker 1: start to do something about it. So let's just recover
2:12
Speaker 1: what I term. I don't know what the dictionary says.
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Speaker 1: I didn't look it up. I don't know what the
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Speaker 1: interwebs or chat GPT or bloody claude or any of those,
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Speaker 1: hey I say. But for me self, sabotage is that
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Speaker 1: thing that I see all of the time, and I
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Speaker 1: mean fucking daily, where somebody has a story or a
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Speaker 1: habit or a behavior or a way of doing or
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Speaker 1: being or thinking or operating which is essentially stopping them
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Speaker 1: from getting where they want to go. It is stopping
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Speaker 1: them or inhibiting them from being their best self, whatever
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Speaker 1: that means physically, mentally, emotionally, professionally, personally, sociologically, intellectually, academically,
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Speaker 1: whatever it is. But it's when we are doing something
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Speaker 1: or perhaps not doing something. So we're doing a thing
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Speaker 1: or we're not doing a thing, and the doing of
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Speaker 1: that thing, or the avoidance of that thing that we
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Speaker 1: should be doing is get out your pens and papers.
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Speaker 1: Fucking us up. It's that process of fucking oneself up
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Speaker 1: or getting in one's own way that we don't want to.
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Speaker 1: So at the top of my list, not because it's
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Speaker 1: the most important, but the top of my list, on
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Speaker 1: my little page in front of me, is overthinking. We
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Speaker 1: all overthink. It is not a terrible thing, It is
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Speaker 1: not a sign of weakness or being flawed or hopeless
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Speaker 1: or useless. Is very much part of the human experience.
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Speaker 1: But I think the thing about overthinking is to try
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Speaker 1: to recognize it and then lean into it, like, what
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Speaker 1: is the thing that I am overthinking? Why am I
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Speaker 1: overthinking that thing? How can I understand that? What is
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Speaker 1: the underlying driver or cause? And can I address that?
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Speaker 1: Because while the overthinking is in and of itself a problem,
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Speaker 1: it is also a symptom or a byproduct of something else.
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Speaker 1: So generally, when we talk about overthinking, we're talking about
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Speaker 1: obsessing about something, or focusing on something, or replaying something,
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Speaker 1: agonizing over something that has happened, or something that we
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Speaker 1: are fearful of happening. So there's often with overthinking, there's
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Speaker 1: often an underlying cause that links to fear, that links
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Speaker 1: to something that we are afraid of happening. And so
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Speaker 1: that is again, no, I can't say to you, hey,
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Speaker 1: you're an overthinker. Stop overthinking, right because, like I said,
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Speaker 1: the overthinking, the rumination, the obsession, the mental chaos, the
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Speaker 1: groundhog danus of repetition of that story replaying in your mind.
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Speaker 1: I can't say stop that, just like I can't say
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Speaker 1: to you, you know, be taller, of course, but well,
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Speaker 1: I guess as opposed to height, we can actually manipulate
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Speaker 1: the contents of our mind and the operating system of
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Speaker 1: our mind over time, and so it starts with recognizing
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Speaker 1: the things. So for example, for example, I used to
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Speaker 1: overthink the fact that I wasn't good enough. I had
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Speaker 1: extreme self doubt about many things. And so when I
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Speaker 1: started personal training, even though I had already worked in
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Speaker 1: the fitness industry for five or six years before I
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Speaker 1: did my first personal training client, the fact that I
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Speaker 1: was only twenty three or two twenty four years old,
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Speaker 1: I felt insecure. I was fearful of being embarrassed. I
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Speaker 1: was overthinking the fact that they might figure out that
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Speaker 1: I wasn't good enough or smart enough, or qualified enough,
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Speaker 1: or knowledgeable enough or competent enough to be well one
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Speaker 1: to get them where they wanted to go, to help
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Speaker 1: them achieve their outcomes and goals. Because fuck, I'm a
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Speaker 1: twenty three year old kid from La Trivalley. What the
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Speaker 1: fuck do I know? I didn't even have a degree
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Speaker 1: at that stage. I was essentially did I have some
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Speaker 1: knowledge and experience? Well, yeah, I had five years of
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Speaker 1: knowledge and experience in that space, but I essentially thought
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Speaker 1: I knew fuck all. Upon reflection, your honor, I probably
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Speaker 1: knew a bit, but then not that much. But I
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Speaker 1: constantly got in my own way with this overthinking and
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Speaker 1: this kind of fear of rejection or embarrassment or being
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Speaker 1: found out, how did I overcome that. I started to
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Speaker 1: think about the fact that I started to realize that
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Speaker 1: although I was only twenty three or twenty four, the
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Speaker 1: people that I was working with, although they were forty
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Speaker 1: forty five, fifty, some of them thirty five, which to me,
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Speaker 1: when you're twenty three, thirty five is a fucking dinosaur.
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Speaker 1: And they were smart, and they were successful, and they
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Speaker 1: owned companies, and some of them had a little bit
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Speaker 1: of profile and all of that. But what I realized was,
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Speaker 1: in the context of the gym, I was actually smarter
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Speaker 1: than them. In the context of the gym, I was
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Speaker 1: more competent than them. I knew more. I had more
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Speaker 1: skill and knowledge and understanding and awareness. So as I
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Speaker 1: started to lean into the thing that I was scared
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Speaker 1: of and I tried to understand it, I realized that
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Speaker 1: it was a fear that was probably reasonable, definitely not necessary,
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Speaker 1: and one that had really been created by something in me,
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Speaker 1: rather than any kind of external need or any external
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Speaker 1: experience or situation. Because the truth was, despite the fact
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Speaker 1: that I was overthinking the shit out of it, I
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Speaker 1: didn't demonstrate that to my clients. Of course, I was
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Speaker 1: like the little fucking duck that was all calm on
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Speaker 1: the surface above the water, but you know, crazy underneath it.
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Speaker 1: But over time I tried to separate the anxiety and
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Speaker 1: the emotion around that to actually see the data, and
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Speaker 1: the data was I was producing pretty good results and
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Speaker 1: most of my clients were pretty happy. All right, So
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Speaker 1: let's go to self doubt and self loathing, the experience
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Speaker 1: of not feeling good enough or feeling like crap arm
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Speaker 1: a piece of crap, I'm not good enough, I'm not
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Speaker 1: smart enough. That's also pervasive. That's most of us at
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Speaker 1: some stage. I don't think it's most of us most
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Speaker 1: of the time, but I think it's nearly all of
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Speaker 1: us some of the time where we have that experience.
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Speaker 1: And this ties into what I was just talking about
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Speaker 1: with overthinking. They'd probably intersect. But you know, this self doubtness,
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Speaker 1: self kind of loathing, it can come out of an experience,
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Speaker 1: or it can just be a projection that we have.
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Speaker 1: It might be a result of the way that we've
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Speaker 1: been programmed or spoken to, or the environment that we
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Speaker 1: grew up in, or a situation or a circumstance or
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Speaker 1: a social group or a school or peers where we
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Speaker 1: were made to feel not enough or not smart, or
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Speaker 1: not something enough, and then that imprints on our version
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Speaker 1: of how we see the world and how we see
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Speaker 1: us in the world. And while well that is understandable,
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Speaker 1: that becomes a big problem, That becomes a big form
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Speaker 1: of self sabotage when we believe that story, when we
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Speaker 1: believe that story, and this requires courage that we challenge
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Speaker 1: those stories. And so if I feel I'm not good enough,
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Speaker 1: for example, self doubt or self loathing, that's okay, But
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Speaker 1: I also need to be brave enough to go maybe
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Speaker 1: that's not true. Or have I tried? Have I done
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Speaker 1: everything possible? Have I really explored my talent and my
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Speaker 1: potential and my possibilities? Have I really made hard decisions,
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Speaker 1: done hard things? Have I really really tried to exploit
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Speaker 1: what I have to? And generally the answer is no,
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Speaker 1: I haven't. And that's because of that fear based self
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Speaker 1: doubt and self loathing, that irrational kind of internal dialogue
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Speaker 1: of I'm not enough, which keeps me trapped on the
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Speaker 1: wrong side of the door, so I never open the
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Speaker 1: door and step into my power and possibilities because my
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Speaker 1: story that I believe. Remember, we talk all the times
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Speaker 1: about all the time about what is your story, Where
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Speaker 1: did the story come from? What's the underlying kind of
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Speaker 1: mechanism for that story? Usually fear, self doubt, self loathing,
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Speaker 1: all of that stuff, of course, And then is that
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Speaker 1: story actually true or do I just think it's true? Now,
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Speaker 1: if you actually have a lot of ability, or you
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Speaker 1: have more ability than you know, or more potential than
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Speaker 1: you know, and more possibilities than you know, but you
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Speaker 1: never even entertain the thought that that could be possible,
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Speaker 1: then that becomes your ceiling. Your ceiling in this instance
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Speaker 1: is not what's possible for you. That's not your ceiling
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Speaker 1: what is actually possible for you, but rather your understanding
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Speaker 1: of or belief about what is possible for you, Which
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Speaker 1: is why we see people go through their whole life
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Speaker 1: living in a self created psychological and emotional and behavioral
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Speaker 1: prison where they never get out of that prison. Not
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Speaker 1: because they don't have the potential for freedom or for growth,
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Speaker 1: or for improvement, or for success or for joy, but
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Speaker 1: because for a range of usually fear based let's talk
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Speaker 1: about fear in a moment, but fear based reasons they
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Speaker 1: stay in there. You have to remember, right, with all
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Speaker 1: of this stuff, there's what's going on in the world,
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Speaker 1: and then there's our version of what's going on in
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Speaker 1: the world. So there's the thing, and then there's my
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Speaker 1: story of the thing. You and I are around a
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Speaker 1: situation or event, you and me, and the thing happens,
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Speaker 1: and then there's you over there and you're watching it,
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Speaker 1: and I'm watching it, and you're telling yourself a story
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Speaker 1: about what's going on, and I'm telling myself a story
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Speaker 1: about what's going on. So you're in your self created
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Speaker 1: reality about that external event or situation or stimulus, and
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Speaker 1: I'm over here in my story, which is my reality.
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Speaker 1: So there's your reality, my reality, then the objective data
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Speaker 1: or the objective reality of what the fuck is actually
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Speaker 1: going on outside of your story and my story. And
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Speaker 1: being able to understand ourselves and understand the way that
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Speaker 1: the world works. One what is objectively happening, and then
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Speaker 1: two to understand how we subjectively and often unconsciously and
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Speaker 1: unknowingly navigate this objective reality through our subjective lens. That
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Speaker 1: is our brain, that is our mind, that is our filter,
13:39
Speaker 1: that is our beliefs, that is our ideas, that is
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Speaker 1: our biases while not actually in the moment realizing that
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Speaker 1: we're even fucking looking through that lens. That's why we
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Speaker 1: think our reality is the reality. And so this is
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Speaker 1: crucial for us, is to is to even to begin
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Speaker 1: to recognize that we are running a program. You know,
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Speaker 1: your brain is the hardware, Your brain is the hard drive.
14:13
Speaker 1: I should say, I'm not a computer guy, so if
14:16
Speaker 1: I fuck up this analogy a little bit. But the
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Speaker 1: program is the software that's been punched into your brain
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Speaker 1: and your mind and your physiology. And sometimes we grow
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Speaker 1: up running a program that we didn't choose. We're running
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Speaker 1: someone else's program. That person who said to you your
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Speaker 1: shit a thousand times, and now you believe that your shit. Well,
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Speaker 1: the truth is you are not shit. But also the
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Speaker 1: truth is you think you are, or you believe you are.
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Speaker 1: So guess what you live in. You live in this
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Speaker 1: self created and influenced by others, of course, But this
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Speaker 1: self created story, or this self created belief that is
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Speaker 1: in itself a form of self sabotage. Now that's no
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Speaker 1: criticism from me to you. We can't overcome the things
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Speaker 1: that we don't see. And so if we don't know,
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Speaker 1: like if I don't know, if Craig Harper doesn't know
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Speaker 1: that he is looking at the world through a lens,
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Speaker 1: I'm not looking at the world. I'm looking at a
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Speaker 1: version of the world that I create. I am looking
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Speaker 1: through the lens, or through the window, or through the filter,
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Speaker 1: or whatever fucking metaphor you want to use. I'm looking
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Speaker 1: through something. And what is that something that lends that window,
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Speaker 1: that filter? What is that built of? That is built
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Speaker 1: of all of the shit that's in my mind, my
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Speaker 1: ideas and beliefs and fears and phobias and bullshit and
15:48
Speaker 1: biases and likes and dislikes and faith and religious programming
15:53
Speaker 1: and experiences and relationships and self doubt and all of
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Speaker 1: that fucking in turn, and all kind of stuff that
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Speaker 1: that shapes and influences and to a degree controls what
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Speaker 1: I'm seeing and how I am making meaning of and
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Speaker 1: interpreting what goes on outside my head. And you're doing
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Speaker 1: the same. You're doing the same. You've been programmed. I've
16:21
Speaker 1: been programmed. Some of the programming has been good for
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Speaker 1: some of us. Some of us had really good programming.
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Speaker 1: We got programmed with great shit. Some of it was
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Speaker 1: somewhat neutral or innocuous, and some of it was really
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Speaker 1: fucking limiting and debilitating and horrible. I didn't have any
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Speaker 1: of the horrible. I had some that wasn't so good,
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Speaker 1: But I know some of you had the horrible. And
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Speaker 1: if we could wave a wand and that would be
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Speaker 1: all undone and gone, we would do that. But we can't.
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Speaker 1: And so what we do is we acknowledge what is
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Speaker 1: was it isn't now now. That doesn't fix it or
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Speaker 1: change it, but just being able to start to see you.
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Speaker 1: My question to you is where does your programming finish?
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Speaker 1: And where do you start? Where are you the critical, beautiful,
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Speaker 1: amazing conscious, critical thinking, amazing, beautiful human right Where are you?
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Speaker 1: And where is that programming? Where's the space between you
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Speaker 1: and it? Because you don't have to be it, You
17:28
Speaker 1: don't have to become it. You don't need to continue
17:31
Speaker 1: to be a version of your programming. You can change
17:35
Speaker 1: your mind, you can learn new things, you can unlearn
17:39
Speaker 1: old things, you can detox your brain and your mind.
17:43
Speaker 1: It is an easy, quick, fun or painless, but you
17:45
Speaker 1: can fucking do it, and a lot of you want
17:48
Speaker 1: to do it, which is why you listen to this.
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Speaker 1: I am not the answer to anything or for anybody.
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Speaker 1: Of course, I am just a guy who talks about
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Speaker 1: these things. The answer is not Craig Harper or any individual.
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Speaker 1: The answer, well, there is an individual and you are
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Speaker 1: the answer. The individual is you. The individual is you,
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Speaker 1: and you think about this. How many people listen to,
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Speaker 1: for example, me talk. Let's say one hundred people come
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Speaker 1: and hear me talk. And let's say I kill it.
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Speaker 1: Let's say I'm on this particular day, I'm fucking flying,
18:24
Speaker 1: I crush it, I'm wise, I'm funny. The story is
18:28
Speaker 1: a great, the information it's great. Most of what gets
18:31
Speaker 1: said is kind of broadly relevant to the group. It's
18:34
Speaker 1: a bit inspiring, it's a bit fucking interesting. There's some
18:37
Speaker 1: awesome science. And let's say that a hundred people out
18:41
Speaker 1: of one hundred people can take away significant stuff on
18:44
Speaker 1: that day. Let's also say that one hundred people that
18:47
Speaker 1: showed up actually want to do, be and think different.
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Speaker 1: They came because they wanted to change. Now, with all
18:54
Speaker 1: of those things that I just said, how many lives
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Speaker 1: and how many people will actually change off the back
19:04
Speaker 1: of that day, like I mean changed, not like a
19:08
Speaker 1: bit of a momentary change of direction, and back on
19:11
Speaker 1: the status quo or back into that operational or psychological
19:15
Speaker 1: or neural groove, like that brain groove that we just
19:17
Speaker 1: that habitual groove that we live in. But how many
19:20
Speaker 1: people will actually really fucking change even though everyone said
19:24
Speaker 1: I want to change, I want to think different, I
19:27
Speaker 1: want to be different, I want to do different. I
19:30
Speaker 1: don't have a number for you, but I do I
19:34
Speaker 1: do know that the number would be somewhere between zero
19:37
Speaker 1: and fucking three or four. Despite the fact right now,
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Speaker 1: let's say three people change their life after this three
19:45
Speaker 1: hour encounter with Craig Harper. Did I do that? I
19:50
Speaker 1: sure didn't. And am I responsible for the ninety seven
19:54
Speaker 1: that didn't change their life? I'm sure not. I didn't
19:59
Speaker 1: do it. I didn't do it either way. I was
20:01
Speaker 1: just a guy who showed up and said a lot
20:03
Speaker 1: of stuff. And then you the listener, you the attendee,
20:06
Speaker 1: you the viewer, whatever the thing is, or the one
20:08
Speaker 1: hundred people or the person watching the video or the
20:10
Speaker 1: person on YouTube, or the person doing the PhD or
20:13
Speaker 1: the person reading the book or the person on the
20:15
Speaker 1: end of the podcast. Always it comes down to what
20:19
Speaker 1: we do. What we do. Yes, we've got to know stuff,
20:24
Speaker 1: Yes we need the odd support system and you know,
20:27
Speaker 1: the odd pad on the back. But it still comes
20:30
Speaker 1: down to what we do. And you know, the hard
20:37
Speaker 1: truth is that it's like stuff happens to us that
20:41
Speaker 1: kind of sucks and isn't fair and isn't nice. And
20:44
Speaker 1: we're not pretending that it's easy. It fucking isn't easy.
20:48
Speaker 1: And that's the truth. It's not easy to change your life.
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Speaker 1: And this is not a very smart thing for me
20:54
Speaker 1: to say, because a lot of people really want us
20:57
Speaker 1: to say, oh, you can fucking do anything and be
20:59
Speaker 1: anything and anything. Well, that's not true either. That's bullshit.
21:03
Speaker 1: That's just self help, fucking fairy floss that people think
21:05
Speaker 1: will sell programs and books and whatever. It isn't true.
21:09
Speaker 1: Can most people do more than they're currently doing and
21:13
Speaker 1: achieve better than they're currently achieving? I believe so yes?
21:17
Speaker 1: Are you probably in that majority? Probably? Yes? Can you
21:23
Speaker 1: do fucking anything? No? Can I do anything? No? Can
21:26
Speaker 1: I do a lot more? Yeah? Can you do a
21:28
Speaker 1: lot more? Can you be braver? Can you make harder decisions?
21:31
Speaker 1: Can you get out of your own way? Can you
21:33
Speaker 1: stop procrastinating? Can you stop chasing pleasure? Can you stop
21:38
Speaker 1: wasting your potential? Can you stop being a perfectionist and
21:41
Speaker 1: inventing problems? Can you be a lifelong learner? Can you
21:45
Speaker 1: be the person who stops avoiding things? Can you be
21:48
Speaker 1: the person who doesn't start and stop thirteen times the
21:51
Speaker 1: same process? Yes, you can. You can be that, You
21:55
Speaker 1: can do that, you can change that, you can become.
21:58
Speaker 1: That is that easy? No Ah, I'm out? Then, see
22:04
Speaker 1: this is the problem. Everyone's all fucking you know, rah rah,
22:10
Speaker 1: Let's walk on fucking hot coals and let's pump the
22:13
Speaker 1: smoke screen and get the rock music going, and let's
22:16
Speaker 1: high five each other, and let's be all fucking positive
22:20
Speaker 1: until until the bullshit fades and we go okay. So
22:25
Speaker 1: the next six months for me is going to be
22:27
Speaker 1: uncomfortable at times, or the next three months, or this
22:31
Speaker 1: thing that I need to do to live my values,
22:33
Speaker 1: remember my values, those things I identified, Well, the things
22:37
Speaker 1: that I need to do are not the things I
22:39
Speaker 1: want to do. And the things that I need to
22:41
Speaker 1: do won't be fun or quick or easy or painless.
22:45
Speaker 1: I have this real obsession with instant gratification and pleasure
22:49
Speaker 1: in the moment and hedonism. I love self indulgence, I
22:54
Speaker 1: love dopamine. Fucking cascading through my brain. I love that.
22:59
Speaker 1: I just want to feel good, and I'm going to
23:01
Speaker 1: just do whatever the fuck feels good. And then I'm
23:04
Speaker 1: fifty and I'm fucked because what I've been doing for
23:07
Speaker 1: twenty years is just whatever feels good in the moment.
23:10
Speaker 1: Because I can't delay gratification. I can't wait, I can't
23:15
Speaker 1: get out of my own way. So I am self
23:18
Speaker 1: sabotaging with hedonism. I am self sabotaging with this drive
23:23
Speaker 1: for instant gratification and pleasure. I can't I can't fucking wait.
23:29
Speaker 1: I can't wait. And this is what we the collective.
23:34
Speaker 1: We not all all of us and not all of
23:37
Speaker 1: the time, but a lot of us do. We need
23:40
Speaker 1: to stop avoiding things that we should start. We need
23:44
Speaker 1: to practically acknowledge what is well? What is is? I
23:50
Speaker 1: am at least part of the problem. I need to
23:55
Speaker 1: take my head out of the sand. I need to
23:57
Speaker 1: be brave. Yes, I'm scared. Guess what. Welcome to the
24:01
Speaker 1: world's biggest club. Put up your hand. If you're in
24:04
Speaker 1: the I Get Scared club. That's fucking every human because
24:07
Speaker 1: we all get scared. Guess what. Courage can only operate
24:11
Speaker 1: in the presence of fear? Is that a lame fucking
24:14
Speaker 1: cliche things say don't care? Is it true? Absolutely true?
24:18
Speaker 1: Do you want to be If you were in front
24:21
Speaker 1: of me and I said to you, do you want
24:22
Speaker 1: to be courageous? I'm almost positive that every one of
24:25
Speaker 1: you would say, Yeah, I want to be courageous, Which
24:28
Speaker 1: is not to say I want to be fearless, which
24:32
Speaker 1: is not say I feel brave, which is not to
24:35
Speaker 1: say I don't get scared every day. It's not to
24:38
Speaker 1: say that. It's to say I want to be courageous. Well,
24:41
Speaker 1: I'm telling you you being courageous is part of the solution.
24:47
Speaker 1: You allowing fear and overthinking and self loathing and self
24:51
Speaker 1: doubt to run your life. That is you self sabotaging,
24:56
Speaker 1: That is you letting something other than your potential contry things,
25:01
Speaker 1: manage things. We need to you need to. I need
25:06
Speaker 1: to stop waiting for the mystical, mythical, magical right time.
25:10
Speaker 1: We need to stop avoiding and procrastinating and waiting and
25:14
Speaker 1: telling ourselves stories about the thing that we're going to
25:18
Speaker 1: do for fucking ten years, and then we look up
25:22
Speaker 1: and it's years later and we're still not doing the
25:25
Speaker 1: thing that we've been talking about doing, but a lightbulb
25:29
Speaker 1: never comes on where we go, Oh, hang on the
25:32
Speaker 1: problem as me, because the problems always for some people,
25:37
Speaker 1: the problems always anything except them. If there's any way
25:42
Speaker 1: I can blame someone or something for what I'm not doing,
25:46
Speaker 1: for what I'm not addressing, for what I'm not owning
25:49
Speaker 1: up to, then I will blame something or someone else
25:53
Speaker 1: because that takes the spotlight off me, and I don't
25:56
Speaker 1: want the spotlight off me. And by the way, Craig,
25:58
Speaker 1: fuck you, you don't understand my situation. Giddy up and
26:03
Speaker 1: now it's another five years. We don't need to beat
26:07
Speaker 1: ourselves up. We don't need to be self loathing. We
26:10
Speaker 1: just need to be self aware. We need to be brave,
26:14
Speaker 1: we need to be courageous. We need to own up
26:19
Speaker 1: to our own bullshit. Things don't work themselves out. I
26:27
Speaker 1: fell off the wagon. No, you didn't fall and there
26:32
Speaker 1: is no wagon. You made a decision to do something,
26:37
Speaker 1: and then you did the something. That is a critically
26:40
Speaker 1: thought through and a conscious process where you made a decision,
26:44
Speaker 1: you did a thing, and there was a consequence to that.
26:47
Speaker 1: I'm not insulting you or criticizing you. I am acknowledging
26:52
Speaker 1: what is real. What is real is that there is
26:54
Speaker 1: no metaphoric or literal fucking wagon that you fell off.
26:58
Speaker 1: What is real is that and I've done it? Have
27:01
Speaker 1: I eaten food? Have I made decisions? Have I spoken
27:05
Speaker 1: to people in a way that or have I been
27:08
Speaker 1: inconsistent with my goals and my intentions? Yes? I have.
27:13
Speaker 1: Did somebody make me do it? No? Was it was
27:18
Speaker 1: anything or anyone the problem other than me? No? Are
27:23
Speaker 1: their challenges? Yes? Are their speed, humps and bumps? Yes?
27:27
Speaker 1: Are there? Are there things that complications that went? Yes? Fuck? Yes?
27:32
Speaker 1: Is it easy? Fuck? No? Of course? Of course it's hard.
27:38
Speaker 1: Of course, people get sick. Of course, people will bully you.
27:42
Speaker 1: Of Course, shit is unfair. Of course, it's going to
27:44
Speaker 1: rain when you want it to be sunny. Of Course,
27:46
Speaker 1: it's going to be fuck fucking dark when you want
27:49
Speaker 1: it to be light. Of course, this is the messiness
27:52
Speaker 1: of life. But if you wait, and I wait till
27:55
Speaker 1: everything's fucking great, till it's sunny, till the birds are chirping,
27:58
Speaker 1: the bees are buzzing, there there is no problem. There
28:01
Speaker 1: is no mess, there is no mayhem, there are no obstacles.
28:05
Speaker 1: You'll be dead, and I'll be dead and you will
28:07
Speaker 1: have done fuck all. And you know that, you know that,
28:14
Speaker 1: you know some of you maybe you're the exception to this.
28:17
Speaker 1: And if you are the exception, then genuinely, fucking I'm
28:23
Speaker 1: jealous and I'm proud of you. But if you like me,
28:26
Speaker 1: and you like most people, you're wasting something right now.
28:30
Speaker 1: You're wasting your potential, or you're wasting your genetics, or
28:33
Speaker 1: you're wasting your time or some of your time. You're
28:37
Speaker 1: not developing and exploring what you have to work with.
28:41
Speaker 1: You're not optimizing your genetics or your courage, or your
28:44
Speaker 1: intelligence or your creativity. You're not You're not even close.
28:51
Speaker 1: You're wasting that. And there's some story somewhere that's stopping
28:56
Speaker 1: you from doing that. I guess I'm not going to
29:07
Speaker 1: bang on too much longer, but I mean one it's
29:12
Speaker 1: going to apologize. Do I need to apologize? Okay, well,
29:16
Speaker 1: maybe I don't need to apologize, but I just want
29:18
Speaker 1: to say my intention with these episodes, with these solo
29:22
Speaker 1: ones is and I know I bang on and there
29:24
Speaker 1: may be a bit of repetition I apologize, but is
29:26
Speaker 1: that I want to help you to understand yourself I
29:29
Speaker 1: want to encourage you and support you that you are
29:31
Speaker 1: the answer I want. I want you know if you
29:35
Speaker 1: listen to me, and if you connect with me and
29:38
Speaker 1: you follow me because you want to be a better
29:41
Speaker 1: version of you, then then it is my intention to
29:45
Speaker 1: be real with you, to be practical with you. To
29:49
Speaker 1: you know, as I've said many times, if you never
29:51
Speaker 1: buy a book, if you never come to a workshop,
29:53
Speaker 1: if you never spend one cent in the world of
29:56
Speaker 1: Craig Harper, you have just as much of my my
30:00
Speaker 1: commitment and energy and integrity as anyone. As anyone I
30:06
Speaker 1: don't give a flying fuck if you never buy anything.
30:10
Speaker 1: But if you listen to me and you follow me
30:13
Speaker 1: and you respect me, one, thank you. You don't need
30:16
Speaker 1: to that's a choice. But two, I genuinely I feel
30:20
Speaker 1: my calling is to do what I'm doing right now.
30:23
Speaker 1: My calling is not to make money. I need to
30:26
Speaker 1: make money because that's how the world works, and go
30:29
Speaker 1: pays the bills and motorbikes aren't free, of course, we
30:32
Speaker 1: know that. But you know, maybe maybe this podcast is
30:41
Speaker 1: an opportunity for you to to do a little bit
30:45
Speaker 1: of a stock take and to maybe think about a
30:50
Speaker 1: few things that I've said, and to maybe bravely try
30:55
Speaker 1: to identify some of the ways specifically that you are
31:00
Speaker 1: getting in your own way, that you are self sabotaging,
31:04
Speaker 1: that you are you know. Another one just popped into
31:09
Speaker 1: my mind, which I still do sometimes but far less,
31:12
Speaker 1: but the way that you people please the way that
31:15
Speaker 1: I people please, Please love me, please like me, please
31:18
Speaker 1: accept me, please let me belong. And then it's in
31:21
Speaker 1: all of that neediness and that anxiety and that drive
31:24
Speaker 1: to be part of something that's bigger than me and
31:26
Speaker 1: to be recognized and loved and accepted, that I compromise
31:30
Speaker 1: my own fucking self. I become a patch of a
31:35
Speaker 1: group rather than just me. It's like, how about this.
31:38
Speaker 1: I'm just going to live my values. I'm still going
31:40
Speaker 1: to be a thoughtful person and a kind person. I'm
31:43
Speaker 1: not going to be a fucking island in the middle
31:45
Speaker 1: of humanity. I'm not going to be that. But I'm
31:48
Speaker 1: not going to pretend to be something to fit into
31:51
Speaker 1: your group. And I'm not going to agree with you
31:54
Speaker 1: just for the sake of agreeing with you. If I
31:56
Speaker 1: don't agree with you, that doesn't mean I'm right and
31:59
Speaker 1: you're wrong, or I'm good and you're bad. That just
32:01
Speaker 1: means we don't think the same on that. And guess what,
32:04
Speaker 1: that's fucking okay. Feeling compelled to please everyone and agree
32:09
Speaker 1: with everyone, Oh my god self, sabotage one oh one
32:14
Speaker 1: that'll probably do. Love your collective guts to see you
32:18
Speaker 1: next time.