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44 - Centaur by Algernon Blackwood · Centaur

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  Speaker 1: Chapter forty four of The Centaur by Alginon Blackwood. This
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  Speaker 1: liberalvox recording is in the public domain. Read by yoganand
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  Speaker 1: The Centaur, Chapter forty four. He drew suddenly back with
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  Speaker 1: a kind of jerk. It was as though he realized
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  Speaker 1: abruptly that he said too much, had overdone it. He
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  Speaker 1: took his companion by the arm and led him down
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  Speaker 1: the decks. As he passed the bridge, the captain called
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  Speaker 1: out a word of welcome to them, and his jolly,
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  Speaker 1: boisterous laugh ran down the wind. The American engineer came
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  Speaker 1: from behind a dark corner, almost running into them. His
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  Speaker 1: face was flushed. It's like a Fanny spillar, he said,
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  Speaker 1: in his nasal familiar manner. Too hot to sleep. I've
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  Speaker 1: run up for a gulp of air. He made as
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  Speaker 1: though he would join them. The wind's behind us, yes,
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  Speaker 1: replied the doctor, in a different tone. And there's no draft.
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  Speaker 1: With a gesture half bow, half dismissal he made. And
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  Speaker 1: even this thick skinned member of the greatest civilization on
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  Speaker 1: Earth understand he was not wanted. And they turned at
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  Speaker 1: the cabin door. O'Malley a moment wondering at the admirable
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  Speaker 1: dignity with which the little man had managed the polight
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  Speaker 1: dismissal himself. Perhaps he would not have minded the diversion.
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  Speaker 1: He was a little weary of the Germ's long recital.
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  Speaker 1: The confession had not been complete. He felt much had
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  Speaker 1: been held back. It was not altogether straightforward. The dishonesty
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  Speaker 1: which hides and compromise peeped through it everywhere, and the
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  Speaker 1: incoherence of the latter part had almost poured him, For
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  Speaker 1: it was he easily divined, a studied incoherence. It was
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  Speaker 1: meant to touch a similar weakness in himself if there,
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  Speaker 1: But it was not there. He saw through the whole maneuver.
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  Speaker 1: Stall wished to warn and save him by showing that
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  Speaker 1: the experience they had partly shared was nothing but a
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  Speaker 1: strange mental disorder. He wished to force, in this subtle
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  Speaker 1: way his own interpretation of it upon his friend. Yet
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  Speaker 1: at the same time, the intuit irish men discerned that
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  Speaker 1: other tendency in the man which would so gladly perhaps
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  Speaker 1: have welcomed a different explanation, and even in some fashion
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  Speaker 1: did actually accept it. O'Malley smiled inwardly as he watched
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  Speaker 1: and prepared the coffee as of old, and patiently he
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  Speaker 1: waited for the rest of that was to come. In
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  Speaker 1: a certain sense, it all was useful, It would be
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  Speaker 1: helpful later. This was an attitude he would often have
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  Speaker 1: to face when he returned to civilized life and try
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  Speaker 1: to tell his message to the thinking, educated men of
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  Speaker 1: to day, the men he must win over some how
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  Speaker 1: to his dream, the men without whose backing no moment
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  Speaker 1: could hope to meet with even a measure of success.
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  Speaker 1: So like myself, said Stall, as he carefully tended the
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  Speaker 1: flame of the spirit lamp between them, you have escaped
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  Speaker 1: by the skin of your teeth, as it were, and
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  Speaker 1: I congratulate you heartily. I thank you, said the other dryly.
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  Speaker 1: You write your version now, and I'll write mine. Indeed
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  Speaker 1: it is elderly almost finished. Then we'll compare notes. Perhaps
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  Speaker 1: we might even publish them together. He poured off the
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  Speaker 1: fragrant coffee. They faced each other across the little table,
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  Speaker 1: but O'Malley did not take the bait. He wished to
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  Speaker 1: hear the balance his companions still might tell, and presently
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  Speaker 1: he asked for it. With the discharge of your patient,
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  Speaker 1: the trouble ceased at once. Then comparatively soon it gradually subsided. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: and as regards yourself, I came back to my senses.
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  Speaker 1: I recovered my control. The insubordinate impulses I had known retired,
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  Speaker 1: he smiled as he sipped his coffee. You see me now,
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  Speaker 1: he added, looking his companion steadily in the eyes, A
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  Speaker 1: sane and commonplace ship's doctor, I congratulate you. While in dunk,
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  Speaker 1: he bowed on what you missed yet almost accomplished, the
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  Speaker 1: other finished. You might have known, like me, the cosmic consciousness.
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  Speaker 1: You might have met the gods in a straight waistcoat,
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  Speaker 1: the doctor added, with a snap. They laughed at one
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  Speaker 1: another across their coffee cups, as once before they had
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  Speaker 1: laughed across the glasses of kakhetchi and wine, two eternally
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  Speaker 1: antagonistic types that exist as long as life itself. But
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  Speaker 1: contrary to his expectations, the German had little more to tell.
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  Speaker 1: He mentioned how the experience had led his mind into
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  Speaker 1: strange and novel reading in his desire to know what
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  Speaker 1: other minds might have to offer by way of explanation,
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  Speaker 1: even the most fanciful and far fetched. He told, though
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  Speaker 1: very briefly, how he had picked up Fechner among others,
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  Speaker 1: and carefully studiedyspoetic theories, and read besides the best accounts
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  Speaker 1: of spiritistic phenomena, as also of the rare states of hysteria,
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  Speaker 1: double consciousness, multiple personality, and even those looser theories which
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  Speaker 1: suggest that a portion of the human constitution called astral
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  Speaker 1: or etheric, may escape from the parent's center, and, carrying
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  Speaker 1: with it the subtler forces of desire and yearning, construct
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  Speaker 1: a vivid subjective state of mind, which is practically its
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  Speaker 1: heaven of hope and longing, all fulfilled. He did not, however,
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  Speaker 1: betray the results upon himself of all this curious reading
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  Speaker 1: and study, nor mention what a form of truth or
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  Speaker 1: probability in it all. He merely quoted books and authors
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  Speaker 1: in at least three languages that stretched in a singular
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  Speaker 1: and catholic array, from Plateau and the neo Platinus across
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  Speaker 1: the ages to Myers, du Prel, Flonois, Lodge, and Morton Prince.
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  Speaker 1: Out of the lot, perhaps O'Mally gathered it by inference
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  Speaker 1: rather than from actual statement, from fragments of their talk
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  Speaker 1: upon the outward voyage, more than from anything let fall.
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  Speaker 1: Just then, Fekna had proved the most persuasive to this
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  Speaker 1: man's contradictory and original mind. It gatterly seemed, at least
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  Speaker 1: as if he knew some secret sympathetic leaning toward the
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  Speaker 1: idea that consciousness and matter were inseparable, and that a
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  Speaker 1: cosmic consciousness of sorts might pertain to the Earth as
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  Speaker 1: equally to all the other stars and planets. The overalt
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  Speaker 1: idea he so often referred to had seized a part
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  Speaker 1: of his imagination that at least was clear. The Irish
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  Speaker 1: Men rank it all in. But he was too exhausted
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  Speaker 1: now to argue, and too full besides to ask questions.
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  Speaker 1: His natural volubility forsook him. He let the doctor have
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  Speaker 1: his say without in eruptions. He took the warnings with
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  Speaker 1: the rest of it. Nothing the other said had changed him.
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  Speaker 1: It was not the first sunrise they had watched together,
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  Speaker 1: and as they took the morning air on deck, once
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  Speaker 1: more Corsica rising like a dream the knight had left
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  Speaker 1: behind her on the sea. He listened with fainter interest
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  Speaker 1: on the germans concluding sentences. At any rate, you now
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  Speaker 1: understand why on that other voyage, I was so eager
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  Speaker 1: to watch you with your friend, so keen to separate
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  Speaker 1: you to prevent your sleeping with him, and at the
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  Speaker 1: same time so desirous to see his influence upon you
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  Speaker 1: at close quarters. And also why I always understood so
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  Speaker 1: well what was going on, both outwardly and within. O'miley
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  Speaker 1: quietly reiterated the belief he still held in the power
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  Speaker 1: of his own dream. I shall go home and give
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  Speaker 1: my message to the world, was what he said, quietly.
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  Speaker 1: I think it's true. It's better to keep silent, was
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  Speaker 1: the answer, for even if true, the world is not
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  Speaker 1: ready yet to listen. It will evaporate. You'll find in
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  Speaker 1: the telling, You'll find there is nothing to tell besides
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  Speaker 1: a dream like yours, must drn on all at once,
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  Speaker 1: and not on merely one. No one will understand you.
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  Speaker 1: I can but try. You will reach no men of
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  Speaker 1: action and few of intellect. You will merely stuff the
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  Speaker 1: dreamers who are already so toffed enough. What is the use,
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  Speaker 1: I ask you, what is the use? It will set
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  Speaker 1: the world and fire for simplicity, The other murmured, knowing
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  Speaker 1: the great sweet passion flame within him as he watched
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  Speaker 1: the sun come slowly out of the rosy sea. All
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  Speaker 1: the use in the world, none was the laconic answer.
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  Speaker 1: They might know the gods, cried O'Malley, using the phrase
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  Speaker 1: that symbolized for him the entire vision. Stall looked at
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  Speaker 1: him for some time before he spoke again. That expression
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  Speaker 1: of wistful, almost longing admiration shone in the brown eyes.
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  Speaker 1: My friend, he answered gravely. Men do not want to
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  Speaker 1: know the gods. They prefer their delights less subtle. They
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  Speaker 1: crave the crude of physical sensation that banged them toward excitement,
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  Speaker 1: of disease, of pain, of separateness. Put in the other.
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  Speaker 1: The German shrugged his shoulders. It's a stage they are at,
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  Speaker 1: he said. You, if you have success, will merely make
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  Speaker 1: a few uncomfortable. The majority will hardly turn their heads
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  Speaker 1: to one in a million. You may bring peace and happiness.
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  Speaker 1: It's worth it, cried the irishman, even for that one.
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  Speaker 1: Stall answered, very gently, smiling with his new expression of
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  Speaker 1: tenderness and sympathy. Dream you a great dream, if you will,
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  Speaker 1: but dream it, my friend alone in peace and silence.
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  Speaker 1: That one I speak of is yourself. The doctor pressed
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  Speaker 1: his hand and turned toward his cabin o male. He
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  Speaker 1: stood a little longer to share the sunrise. Neither spoke
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  Speaker 1: another word. He heard the door shut softly behind him.
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  Speaker 1: The unspoken answer in his mind was in two words,
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  Speaker 1: two common little adjectives, cowed and selfish. But stall once
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  Speaker 1: in the privacy of his cabin. Judging by the glance
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  Speaker 1: visible on his face ere he closed the door, may
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  Speaker 1: probably have known a very different thought, and possibly he
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  Speaker 1: uttered it below his breath. A sigh most certainly escaped
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  Speaker 1: his lips, a sigh half sadness, half relief. For O'Malley
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  Speaker 1: remembered it afterwards, beautiful, foolish dream among men, but thank god,
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  Speaker 1: harmless to others and himself. And soon afterwards O'Malley also
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  Speaker 1: went to his cabin. Before sleep took him. He lay
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  Speaker 1: deep in a mode of sadness, almost as though he
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  Speaker 1: had heard his friend's unspoken thoughts. He realized the insuperable
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  Speaker 1: difficulties that lay before him. The world would think him
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  Speaker 1: mad but harmless. Then, with full sleep, he slipped across
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  Speaker 1: at sunrise and found the old world garden. He held
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  Speaker 1: the eternal password I can but try the end of
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  Speaker 1: Chapter forty four.