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You Can't Make This Up 10.17.26 · Gil I Am

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of You Can't
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Make This Up. I just watched two people arguing about
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: what a woman is, not arguing about equal pay, not
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: arguing about health care, arguing about the definition. We've got
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: rockets landing themselves, computers holding conversations, and cars driving down
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: the highway. But this conversation can't get out of the
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: parking lot. Now listen, people deserve dignity. People deserve respect.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: But if we're debating a rule, we need to know
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: what the words in that rule mean. Are we talking
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: about biological sex, gender identity, a legal category? Pick the
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: question before you start shouting the answer. Then somebody says,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: a woman is anybody who identifies as a woman. Okay,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: but what does woman mean in that definition? Somebody who
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: identifies as a woman. We're back where we started. That's
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: not an explanation. That's a roundabout with no exit. Imagine
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: looking up a word in the dictionary. And the dictionary says,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: you know, the word you looked up. Thank you, dictionary.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Very educational. And then we get to women's sports, scholarships, championships,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: eligibility rules. Now we're not just discussing how someone describes themselves.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: We're deciding who qualifies for a competitive category. What is
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: that category designed to do? Who is eligible? How do
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: you apply the rules consistently? Those are policy questions. You
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: can't answer them with a slogan. Imagine me showing up
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: for a featherweight boxing match weighing 250 pounds. Sir, you're
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: too heavy, but I feel featherweight. Step on the scale.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: I don't like its tone. Now, weight and gender aren't
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: the same thing. The point is that a category needs criteria. Otherwise,
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: you haven't written a rule. You've written an invitation to
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: an argument. Direct and serious. And let's be clear. You
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: can treat someone respectfully and still question a policy. You
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: can debate eligibility without insulting an athlete. and you can
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: ask for a definition without turning another human being into
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: a punchline. Respect doesn't mean every question is settled. Disagreement
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to mean contempt. Look into camera. So before
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: the next panel discussion, before the next shouting match, before
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: 12 people spend an hour interrupting each other on television,
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: define your terms, explain your standard, and tell us how
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: the rule works. Because if nobody can explain the category,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: how is anybody supposed to enforce the rules? Ladies and gentlemen,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: You Can't Make This Up. Like, follow, share, and in
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: the comments, less name-calling, more actual answers. Load and excited!
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of You Can't
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: Make This Up. Albert Einstein figured out something about the
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: universe over a hundred years ago, and scientists are still
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: proving the man right. Good lord, I can't even predict
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: what I'm having for dinner tonight. Now listen to this.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Physicist Brian Cox explains that scientists discovered something called a
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: double pulsar. That's two dead stars, each with more mass
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: than our sun, squeezed into something about the size of
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: a city. And they're spinning around each other, completing an
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: orbit in just two and a half hours. Talk about
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: a long-distance relationship. Now here's where it gets crazy. Back
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: in 1915, Einstein developed equations describing how gravity works. No
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: modern computers, no space telescopes, no Googles. Just a pencil,
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: some paper, and a brain that apparently had premium Wi-Fi.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Fast forward to modern scientists. They study these stars for
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: 16 years, and guess what? Einstein's predictions match their observations
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: to within 99.99%. Good gracious, I can't get a McDonald's
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: order right 99% of the time. Think about that. This
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: man figured out how gravity behaves around stars he couldn't
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: even see. a hundred years before we could test it
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: like this. And here's what really bothers me. Einstein could
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: calculate what two dead stars were doing thousands of light
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: years away, but I still can't figure out why my
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: electric bill doubled. Albert, if you're that smart, tell me
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: next week's lottery numbers. Ladies and gentlemen, you can't make
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: this up. Like, follow, share, and comment. Ladies and gentlemen,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: welcome to another episode of You Can't Make This Up.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Everybody's arguing about equal pay for men's and women's soccer.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: And I'm sitting here asking one question. Who's paying the bill?
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Let me explain something. In England, one season, the men's
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Premier League brought in 6.3 billion pounds. The women's Super League,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: 65 million. Good Lord, the accountant just fainted. Now listen,
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: that's not saying women can't play soccer. That's saying the
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: business is bringing in different amounts of money and the
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: interest in women's soccer is just not there. It's like
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: me owning two restaurants. One restaurant serves 1,000 customers a night.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: The other serves 100. Both got great cooks, but you
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: can't pay everybody the same million-dollar salary if the cash
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: register ain't ringing. And here's something people forget. The United
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: States men's and women's national teams already negotiated equal pay.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: They worked out a deal to share the money, so
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: it can be done, but you better have a plan.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: And ladies, if you're selling out stadiums, bringing in sponsors,
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: and pulling television ratings, you better get your money. But
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: don't tell me everybody deserves the same check regardless of
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: what their league earns. Because when the accountant asks, where's
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: the money coming from? And somebody says, from fairness. Well,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: tell fairness to pay the light bill. You can't pay
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: a million dollar salary with a high five and a hashtag.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, you can't make this up. Like, follow, share,
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: and comment. Loaded and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: You Can't Make This Up. Apparently, Diddy allegedly got into
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: a fight in prison, and not with just anybody, a
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: convicted Jamaican drug kingpin named Christopher Dudas Coke. Dudas Coke?
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Good lord, that sounds like something you order at a
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Jamaican McDonald's. Let me get two patties, some fries, and
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: a large Dudas Coke. Now they're saying the inmates got
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: upset because reports about Diddy's luxury prison lifestyle brought the
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: guards down on everybody. We're talking cell phones, alcohol, and massages. Massages?
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: What kind of prison is this? I'm paying $ 200 a
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: night at the Holiday Inn, and they don't even give
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: me free breakfast. Apparently, the guards started confiscating everybody's contraband.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Can you imagine being a hardened criminal and somebody takes
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: your cell phone because of Diddy? Come on, Puff. We
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: had a good thing going. But here's the best part.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: The Bureau of Prisons says the fight never even happened.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: So now we got a mystery. Was there a fight?
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Was there not a fight? Did somebody slip getting off
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: the massage table? Now Diddy's reportedly been transferred to another prison.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: This man went from bad boy records to bad boy relocations.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: And I've got one last question. If Diddy starts a
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: record label in prison, does every album come with a
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: free phone call? Ladies and gentlemen, you can't make this up. Like, follow, share,
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: and comment.