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Why Does Money Feel So Personal in Divorce? With Jeanine Tripodi · Rooted in Money

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever had that moment when you realize you're going to have to make big money decisions on your own?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Everything gets quiet.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: A major life shift doesn't just close one financial chapter.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: It asks you to begin again.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's where Rooted in Money comes in.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Christina Huckle, Bloom Divorce Advisory Services.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: Here, we get to the root of money, life transitions, and creating a financial future built with purpose.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: So take a breath, settle in, and stay awhile.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Quick note: this podcast shares general information drawn from real experiences.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: It is not specific financial advice.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: Please consult your own qualified advisors before making financial decisions.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Now let's get into today's conversation.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Well, welcome back to Rooted in Money.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Christina and I'm your host.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so excited for today's guest, Miss Janine Trapoti.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited to be here and have this conversation with you.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you so much for coming in.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think sometimes, especially when, you know, clients are thinking about a divorce, the first thing that comes to mind is the legal aspect of their case.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I know working in a legal adjacent field like myself, it's finance.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: For you, of course, it's managing kind of the emotions.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's so important to have other professionals in their corner.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: So your title is emotional reactivity consultant.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: So tell me a little bit more about that, kind of your journey.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: So you said it.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an emotional reactivity consultant.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: I have um my primary objective is to help people understand why they react the way they do and how they can choose more uh intentionally, particularly in high uh high conflict situations.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um I am fascinated with human behavior.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm fascinated with the mind-body connection.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: My um experience is in hypnotherapy.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: I've been a hypnotherapist for over 15 years.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: I've said 15 years for so long, it's probably a little longer now.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I've worked with people who are navigating different types of transitions throughout my career.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the last several years I focused specifically on divorce.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, eight years ago, I was the outspouse in a divorce that felt very high conflict.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, high conflict can be very subjective.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: There's uh it's obviously a spectrum, but um, the first few years getting through our divorce and the first three few years of co-parenting afterwards, I should say parallel parenting afterwards, were pretty emotional.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: We'd been married for 20 years.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we had a lot of good years, and we had a lot of conflict as well, and a lot of um we have four children, our kids were young, uh, you know, there's a lot, it's complex.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: We lost the child, which added a lot of emotional weight to staying together.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, so a lot of different factors were involved.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: And as I healed and he healed, um, it became very clear to me that the work that I was doing with clients with regard to emotional reactivity would have been incredibly helpful when I was going through it too.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so that's sort of how I became the emotional reactivity consultant or the divorce composure coach for divorce.
• 3:29
  unknown: Yeah.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: I think sometimes too, when clients are are considering the divorce process and what way, what avenue that they're going to take.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times, in my professional opinion, I don't think there's a lot of education out there about all of the alternative ways to potentially get divorced.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so they may think that they're automatically going to be in a courtroom.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: But now there are so many different options.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I love the fact that you uh continue to add tools to your toolbox and you have gone through mediation training and collaborative training.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: I myself have gone through those and they are just so valuable.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I think having settlement-minded professionals in your corner can be very, very helpful.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: So, speaking about emotions and the different kinds of processes that someone could go through, uh, how is the preparation different if somebody is going to go for mediation versus maybe uh preparing for the courtroom?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: So that's such a great question.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I just want to note it's so common that people don't know their options.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I when I got divorced, I thought we need to hire lawyers and hope we can agree.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if we don't, we're going to court.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a scary place to be.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: But you mentioned there's collaborative law, there's mediation, um, there's DIY, although I wouldn't have wanted to do that.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's, of course, um any level of professional representation throughout all of those, right?
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, as far as composure, right?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say composure, I mean understanding how to uh maintain regulated in these high-stakes situations.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Even the most amicable divorce is high stress.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you're it's it's a major life change, obviously.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a lot of um emotions that tie not just into the process of divorce, but that seep and leak into the family and relationships and work in all areas of our lives, right?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: So to answer your question, um, the skill is the same because we bring the patterning into all aspects of our life.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: And the patterning that we have that we've developed over our entire lives up until this point is how we navigate difficulty, right?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's how we feel safe or don't feel safe and what we do in those moments.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: So to prepare for all of uh the different options is really the same.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it is to understand that there can be a pause, that there are ways and tools that people can use to um keep themselves steady and grounded, even when they want to panic, scream, when their heart's racing.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so that is uh my my long-winded answer to.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Did I answer your question?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: I do that a lot.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, absolutely.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um do you feel I know you said that it's it's a similar skill set for the different environments.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, do you feel like the different settings can ask something more?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, the first thing that pops into my mind is I think of the cutthroat attorney who's going to slice and dice you because you sent that crazy 2 a.m.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes message.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: But the thousands of messages before that were all calm and normal.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so tell me a little bit about that.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for that, redirect.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um and yes, so collaborative law requires that people be present and be able to think clearly enough to negotiate, right?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: To um and and mediation as well, to be able to sit in discomfort and access the logical part of their brain, decipher and determine between fear, fear of what they think they need and what they actually need and want.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um and that is so tied into money.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you and I have had these conversations before.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: How emotional money is.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And how it means so many different things to so many people.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it can mean multiple things, right?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Money represents security, safety, worth, self-value, even love to some people, right?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: So whenever there is a talk of uh the financial aspect of divorce, you're hitting on the emotional aspects as well.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And people are making connections based on the patterning that they've had.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, so-and-so doesn't want to give me this much in child support, therefore he or she doesn't love the child as much.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it that's so deep, right?
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And layered.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, if you were to walk into a courtroom, you would be really wanting to understand how to manage yourself, your reactivity in a place where you really don't have that much control, right?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: So collaborative law and mediation, you're in a space where you can be as creative as you want with your ex-partner.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: But in a courtroom, it's a different ball game.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you're really handing someone else the control.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think the self-determination aspect of uh the collaborative setting and mediation, it's it's so powerful.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I think sometimes having that ability to be creative and color outside the lines and work towards a mutually satisfactory agreement that works for them and and their unique circumstances instead of maybe a cookie-cutter approach or you know, I see where they'll just list everything on the marital balance sheet and like break down the middle 50-50.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um when maybe there were, you know, different needs that could have been met, especially if one party needs liquidity and cash now and the other person, you know, maybe they're in their peak income earning years and Roth dollars are important to them.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I think it's it's kind of cool to peel the onion and learn about the parties and figure out what are their values, what are their goals.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: For me, especially when I'm doing neutral work, is I kind of want to figure out what's in the middle of the Venn diagram.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's it's so fascinating because a lot of times it's not gonna be like crazy far apart, like it might be far apart.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: But if they're willing to just like you said, sit in that discomfort and kind of go back and and especially if there's uh I did a a training recently and I loved that the instructor talked about the culture of generosity.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so if they're able to say, like, hey, I see you making this concession for me, you know, maybe I can do this for you.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: And if they can really come to an agreement that works for both of them, um, which I think is more possible than people realize because you don't have to agree to collaborate or mediate.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't even have to like each other.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I think uh even, you know, amicable divorce is a process.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a member of the Amicable Divorce Network.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: But when you hear amicable and you hear collaborative, I think a lot of times parties think that they have to be collaborative.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: But it's the professionals that you're hiring are collaborating on your behalf.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that the collaborative process involves the mental health professional or the coach to kind of help guide the communication.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, if there needs to be a caucus where we separate the party and we kind of walk through and understand what's going on, um, you have that support versus you know, in the courtroom that's 90 minutes in front of a judge hoping that you say yeah.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully they remember your name and they get the other details.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: But yes, what the work you do is just so, so important.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: And it's it's been really cool to kind of see your journey evolve, right?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think maybe your life circumstances, you know, you were a business owner, but maybe we didn't have to kick it into hard hard drives until so tell me a little bit about that.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I have been a business owner forever.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um and my practice, I established, boy, back in Oregon when we when we lived there.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it was always part-time because uh my ex-husband and I always had our own businesses and we would support each other, or I would support our other main business.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um and when I divorced, uh, I had to think long and hard.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how do I convert a part-time business that has been wonderful but part-time into something that's full-time and can support my four children and I.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: So um, yeah, it was a, you know, I love to be very open when I have these conversations because I think the worst thing people can do is listen to somebody who is like an expert in their field and think, oh, it's always been that way.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: It has not.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: It was a challenge.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was a financial challenge.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, everything from I kept the house because I wanted the kids to have stability.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you were just, you know, we've we both know Katie.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and uh, I wish I'd talked to her about that because for two years, for four years, I kept the house.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: It was too big of a house for me to handle alone.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so, as a matter of fact, I wish I'd known you then, we would have figured out the faster that four years of all of that overhead was something that I really didn't need.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And my children, they didn't actually really need it either.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: We all thought we did.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: But when I made the change and said, look, financially, this doesn't make sense.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Our life will be this different if I have some more freed up income, et cetera.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I moved into a house that was half the size of my other house.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, no pool.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Thank goodness.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and life was a lot easier.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it was an adjustment for the children, like talk about the emotional aspect of letting go of the place where they had both parents.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: I am not minimizing that.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was hard for me, it was hard for them.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it was so important.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: And people I don't think I know that I didn't really consider the financial impact that it would have been to try to keep life the same.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it was um something that if I could go back and do something different, I would have most definitely found you and um talked to my real estate agent more about logically what made sense.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so yeah, it's never everything is a learning process.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I've always believed I'm here today because of every step I took previously, even if I've stabbed my toe.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's that's so, so important.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean Yeah, you don't know what you don't know.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: And um you know, sometimes it's even having to do the inner work of yourself.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like maybe I've had clients who it's like they kind of get fixated on, you know, maybe keeping the home, or this one is so interesting to me.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't, it doesn't matter what gender it is, retirement can be a huge, you know, tender area.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes when I kind of peel back some of the layers of clients and I'm asking them questions, and then it's it's almost like an innocent reason.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like maybe they didn't realize it, like maybe it was their first real job and they happened to be there for a long time and there were benefits, and they were so proud that they were able to get to a point in their career where they were with a company that would offer this plan and it's so difficult for them to see it be divided.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, self-worth.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, value.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's how we and others see our value, right?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: One of the many ways.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I I think too when you're in uh a setting, I know with mediation there's different styles.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: It could be, you know, more evaluative or maybe the mediator is shuttling back and forth and the clients aren't there.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: I personally practice more of a, you know, transformative where they're together or facilitative, depending on the clients.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: But um, I think there is a little bit of power if they're able to be in that same room together, whether it's collaborative or maybe it's one of those styles of mediation where they're together.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: And they can kind of hear maybe an acknowledgement for contribution, or maybe they can kind of hear, oh, that's why they feel so protective of this.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's not because I'm not worthy of getting it's because you know, that's how they feel.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: And to me, you know, I I just feel like it is so important when somebody is going through a transition like divorce, if they can do it, you know, maybe it's a bumpy ride, maybe we step our toe a little bit.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: But if we can transition, especially if they're kiddos, from spouses to co-parents, and there's not this huge level of anxiety with the kiddos when they're getting married, like, oh my gosh, can my parents be together in the same room?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, I experienced that in March.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: We did great.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: We're eight years out.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: But yes, those are not to cut you off, but those are the exactly the things that my older children were asking, like, oh great, graduation, how are you gonna be in the same room?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: But um, time.
• 16:46
  unknown: Time.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it it's so self-understanding.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's so much bigger too, because I think when you're in it, when you're in the mess and it's like all you can really think about, it's hard to kind of future focus.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's so helpful to have, you know, someone like you who can help kind of teach the skills and recognize that there is a trigger.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: And when it comes to communication, I think it's really cool that uh even there you've kind of built a new tool.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: So it's exciting to see it as a practitioner for tools that I can uh offer clients.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's also exciting, you know, just seeing a female entrepreneur kind of expand.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: So so tell me about your latest projects.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: I I would love to tell you about Anchor It.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: I would feel remiss if I didn't just quickly say for anyone who's going through this and listening that even high conflict divorces, when you get out, you can you don't need to be expected to co-parent beautifully together.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: We try to, we put the kids first.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: There's something called parallel parenting that a lot of people experience.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: And parallel parenting is a different approach, but you're you're still both parenting the kids and respecting each other, but it's a bit different.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then that can move into co-parenting.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: So for example, I'm eight years out, and for the last several years, my ex-husband and I have been able to co-parent really, really well.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Probably we've actually faced a few situations lately that I think we handled better than we would have when we were married, which was actually mind-blowing to think about.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but to answer your question, because all of that ties into communication and being able to hear each other, um, one of the biggest challenges that I heard from my clients and from the attorneys that I work with is that communication, when that message comes through, the text comes through.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can't tell you how many attorneys say, I just wish they would read the email and pause before they sent it.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I set out to develop something that, I mean, you know that my methodology to the work that I do is uh the composure codes.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's my personal methodology.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I have had people say, Oh, I just ran it through open AI.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: And there's some dangers to running your things through open AI.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: One is privacy.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh they can also be discoverable in court.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: So your conversations with uh Chat GPT can be discoverable in court.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and so I never refer my clients to that.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, let's let's not forget that when you use AI, you train it to how you speak.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're saying, my ex is a jerk, is a jerk, is a jerk, um, and have that tone, no matter how you phrase it, it is going to have a semblance of your voice.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not neutral, right?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I wanted to develop a system that would be powered by the power of AI, however, not open AI.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: It was um built through my composure codes.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: So everything through my app, which um handles incoming and outgoing communications, is run through my methodology.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Meaning you are not going to get uh therapy advice, you're not gonna get legal advice, but you are gonna get um some real clean communication information and education.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: So the app Anchor It in a nutshell has two modes.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, one is incoming and one is outgoing.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: Outgoing is pretty self-explanatory.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna send an email, you get something at two in the morning, you're about to respond.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: Probably not a great idea.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing good happens at 2 a.m.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: You you type it into anchor it and and hit the button, anchor it.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: And what it will do is it'll read through, understand your meaning, and it will uh distill down exactly what you're wanting to say.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and then there's a button, you click copy and you paste it into whatever app you're using, our family wizard, email, text, et cetera.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and nothing is nothing is recorded or maintained, which is really important for privacy.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: But after that was developed, I realized incoming messages is what really triggers the old patterns that we ex that we have and that we're running.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the, not the one of the most important thing about maintaining composure is understanding that we don't want to revert back to these old patterns that we've used that have got us here, right?
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: So incoming mode is, I'm so proud of.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: You would simply, you don't even have to read the rage bait ever again.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: You just cut and you know, copy and paste into anchor it, and it will distill down what is really important to answer.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it'll give you an ex uh a suggested response, and it will tell you this is what is important and why, and this is what you don't need to respond to.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it will summarize so there's still less activation, right?
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like name calling, um, assumptions about relationships, et cetera, things like that.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: So um super simple to use, and it has been really well received, not just in the kind of legal area, but uh therapists are are referring their clients to it because it's um it's a great way for them not only to avoid the reactivity, take a pause, say what they really need to say clearly.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it it educates the behavioral change of what is important to say and what isn't.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: So And that is so cool.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I love, I I don't know if this is still the the thing, but I think you had like a three-day trial.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: So if somebody was maybe in like a panicked moment and they needed to, you know, maybe have a resource, you know, especially if uh bills can be tight sometimes.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's great to be able to have a trial.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, can you tell me a little bit more about that?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's a three-day free trial.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I really wanted Anchor It to be available to everyone who needs it.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: So uh cost-wise, it's really um it's as accessible as I could make it.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it's$15.99 a month or$99 for a full year.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but there is a free day, a three-day trial where people can check it out and and see how it works.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: That is so awesome.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I just, you know, admire all of the work that you do.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: And um I think it's it's so valuable to have somebody in your corner, especially during this process when it's very easy for the amygdala to be hijacked.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's very easy to kind of, you know, be swayed in one way or another.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so again, I just wanted to say thank you for coming on the show and sharing some of your insight and wisdom.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: And if clients or listeners wanted to know more about you, where would they find you?
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, probably easiest at Janine Trapodi.com.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: So that'll be my website.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: It would link you to Anchor It and to all my socials.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: Very cool.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll make sure that that information is in our show notes as well.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: So if you are listening, uh you'll be able to find information there.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, last kind of question that I had for you.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: But if if somebody is sensing a divorce is coming or they're very early on in the process, what is one thing that they can do?
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like one bite out of the elephant that can help kind of move them in the right direction.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: So um I love this question.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: And most simply I would say pause.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: When we are feeling threatened, we tend to react quickly.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: And we say things we don't mean, or we send notes or emails or texts that we don't necessarily want on the record.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: So pause, pause, pause.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: And um, if you're dealing with high conflict communication, give yourself 20 minutes before you respond.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's my single tip.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: Very, very good.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you again so much for your time today and for me a guest on the show.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: We are so excited to have you.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so grateful for everything that you do.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you so much.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you and all the work you do.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.