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Why do some narcissists insist on putting their family and friends above you? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissist and toxic
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  people put their family and friends above you sometimes like
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  they're they elevate their family and friends and treat you
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  completely different, treat you like you're less than, like
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  you're less worthy. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. Welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Code. Bam, boom, welcome back y'all.
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  Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
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  So yes, this happens quite a bit, y'all.
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  This is a, this is a phenomenon that so many people face, so
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  many people deal with in the world of narcissism and toxic
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  relationship dynamics. This is one of those phenomenons
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  that just keeps continuously happening to the people right
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  where you're involved. You're in a romantic
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  relationship with a narcissist or toxic person, or this could
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  be your parent. Let's be realistic.
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  This could be your parent or your friend or whoever where
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  they put other people in the circle or in the group way above
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  you. Like, if you're in an intimate
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  relationship, they typically put everybody else above you.
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  Everybody else gets the, you know, gets the five star
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  restaurant treatment. You get like, you know, the,
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  the, the the play pit at McDonald's is dirty.
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  It looks, it looks welcoming, it looks good.
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  It looks fun from the outside looking in.
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  But it's dirty. It's got needles and glass and
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  trash in there, old underwear, diapers, you know what I mean?
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  It's it's it's messy. It's it's unclean.
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  I think that's why I haven't seen the McDonald's ball pit in
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  years. When was the last time I saw
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  one? I haven't saw one in years.
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  Like if y'all saw one, let me know.
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  I know Chick-fil-A has a little outside thing, but McDonald's, I
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  haven't seen one because of stuff like that.
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  But yeah, narcissistic. Why did they do that, y'all?
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  Why do they keep elevating, seemingly elevating people above
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  you? Because the main reason, I'm
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  going to say this, the main reason is because they want you
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  to feel like you matter less. Like they want you to feel like
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  you matter less to them. It's and yeah, and yes, y'all, a
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  lot of times it's intentional. Or are there some narcissists
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  that are oblivious and don't realize that they're doing it?
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  Yeah, they could be a low level narcissist that doesn't realize
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  that they're doing it, that if you bring it up to them, they
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  might try to change their behaviors towards it a little
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  bit. But most narcissists, they know,
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  they know it. They, they snap at you when you
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  mention it. Hey, why?
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  Hey, why you, you know, why don't you talk to me?
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  Why you talk to me so differently than you talk to
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  your mom and dad or your brother, your sister or your
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  cousins? Why?
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  Why do you put them above me? What are you talking about?
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  See God. Damn, that's my that's my
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  family. What's wrong with you?
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  Why you talking Jacob about my family?
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  You talking, Jacob? About me.
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  Wow, how dare you? How dare you?
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  They will get agitated at you, and I tell this to people all
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  the time. The reaction to an accusation or
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  an observation is typically all you need to prove your point.
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  If you're dealing with a narcissistic person, their
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  reaction tells you everything that you need to know something
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  if you break it up in a kind, compassionate voice from coming
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  from a place of compassion and caring and empathy.
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  Just hey, look, I know I, I've been noticing a little bit that
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  you treat your family a little bit differently than you treat
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  me. Like I feel like you, you know,
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  you get you, you, you're higher, you, you, you bring them higher
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  energy. You're happier around them.
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  Just because you're you're a whore, that's because they
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  deserve it. You don't deserve to be treated
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  in some type of. Way or or do I say something
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  like? I don't do that.
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  You're making things up. You're crazy.
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  I told you that you were crazy. You don't understand what's
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  going on. Roar.
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  What what? That's the mindset right there.
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  That goes into a lot of narcissists and toxic people
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  right there. There's literally the mindset of
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  it all right there. They will literally try to beat
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  you down to make you feel less than you know.
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  And what happens when you feel less than?
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  Really, what happens when you feel worse, less worthy then the
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  other people in a narcissist's life then their friends and
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  family? What happens?
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  What do you what do most people do in this situation when they
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  inherently feel less than? Most people in this situation
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  will try harder. A lot of people will try harder
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  to get that narcissistic person to treat them better to put them
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  at least put them on the same level as the mom and dad, as the
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  the brothers and sisters, as the family members.
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  You see what I'm saying? As the the best friends.
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  It doesn't even have to be family members.
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  It could be their best friend, it could be their friends.
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  What's you know, what's the difference there?
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  Like that you will try to work harder to get them to love you.
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  Now, I'll tell you this right here.
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  And that doesn't matter. You like being realistic,
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  Narcissistic people sometimes view their family members and
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  friends as a kind of like cult. It's like cultish.
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  It's like very, very cultish behavior in a lot of these
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  relationship dynamics, right? So they view their family and
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  friends as inter integral members, members of this cult.
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  And a lot of times the family dynamic is cultish cult.
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  Like you have a head of the cult, the mom or the dad, the
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  grandparents, whoever. And people fall in, fall in line
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  beneath it. People fall in line beneath the
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  cult, right? People fall in line and do what
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  that narcissist or toxic person has been asking them to do what
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  they they fall in line. That typically happens in a
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  toxic relationship dynamics. That's something that is very, I
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  didn't say it's very commonplace, but it is common.
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  That is like, like the abuse is kind of is like systematic
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  systemic abuse in a toxic relationship dynamic.
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  So they value their family and friends because they are afraid.
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  Why do they, why do they treat their family better than they
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  treat you? Why do they value them?
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  Why do they treat you less than because they're afraid?
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  A lot of times they get conditioned as a child to treat
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  their family way better than everybody else.
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  You better keep your family above everybody else and nobody
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  else can come into this family dynamic.
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  So even though they might go outside their family dynamic and
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  marry somebody or be in a relationship and have kids,
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  whatever, they will never ever kind of turn on their family,
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  right? They would never turn on the
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  cult. They will always come back to
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  the cult and value the cult members and their family and
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  they will treat. They'll put them above them
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  because they're afraid. They'll be conditioned.
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  You know, they've been feared, they've been fear stricken their
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  whole life. To behave a certain type of way,
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  like you have to treat the family members a certain type of
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  way. You have to treat the friends in
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  this circle a certain type of way or you'll be ostracized,
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  you'll be excommunicated. The fear of abandonment, the
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  fear of being kicked out of this family dynamic is very, very
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  real. So it doesn't matter.
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  Like you could have a narcissistic mom, like your
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  narcissistic partner, right? Their mom or dad can literally
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  come through and smack you across the face for literally no
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  reason. And you will expect them to you.
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  You expect your partner to defend you and they'll be like,
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  what did you do? My mom and dad or dad doesn't
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  act like that. What did you do to incite this
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  abuse towards you? You're trying to tear, you're
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  trying to tear my family apart. You're trying to rip me apart
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  from my family, yo. And they will always have an
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  excuse as to why they don't defend you against their family.
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  Your mom hates me. Can you please say something to
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  her? Your your mom keeps telling the
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  kids that I'm like. Your mom keeps telling our kids
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  that I'm the devil. Can you please check her on
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  that? No, you do ACT devilish
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  sometimes, don't you? Your dad keeps.
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  Your your dad keep hitting on me.
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  Your dad keeps making me feel less than your dad like told
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  told me my job is not good enough or whatever.
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  You know, even though I make more money than him.
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  Your dad is always trying to demean me.
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  Can you please check him? Or should I, you know, can you
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  check your dad or should I check your dad?
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  You know, can you check your brother or should I check your
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  brother? If you check your sister or
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  should I check your sister? Don't check anybody and I'm not
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  going to do it either. Check yourself.
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  Why don't you check yourself and see why they take why they
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  talking to you like that? See why they acted like that
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  towards you. They'll put it on to you.
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  Yeah. They don't put it on to you.
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  They are afraid. Some narcissists are afraid, so
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  afraid of losing that, losing that connection to their friends
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  or their family members. They have to value them.
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  They in the hierarchy of the narcissist's life, they will
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  always be, you know, elevated on the hierarchy.
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  And there's like, and I know when I tell this to people,
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  people always try to go against it.
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  Like, I'm going to just go work hard.
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  I'm like, there's nothing you can do to put yourself above
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  that, above their mom or dad. They have to see that for
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  themselves. They have to you know they have
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  to want to get get out of the cult and get away from it to
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  heal and grow. I know they say like you like
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  I'm not telling you to stay and try to love them through it
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  because loving them through it a lot of times results in you
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  being abused more. Like it doesn't even like I said
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  it doesn't matter what the the parents or the friends have done
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  to you, they will just refuse to cut them off.
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  Hey, can you please cut your friend up?
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  I don't want your friend doesn't like me and they always trying
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  to get you to cheat on me or your friend likes you.
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  Your friend likes you and it makes me uncomfortable.
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  Can you cut that friend off? They've been hurt longer than
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  you. How you going to come in my life
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  and try to change my relationships that I've had
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  before? You How?
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  How? Who do you think you are?
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  Got you. They will always try to
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  invalidate you in these situations right here to make
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  you feel like it's problematic for you to have a problem with
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  how close they are to their exes or their best friends of the
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  opposite sex or the same sex or same gender or whatever.
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  They they whatever they're attracted to, you know that
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  happens y'all. But they will always make you
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  out to be the enemy. They want you to feel less than
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  because again, less than keeps you at a distance.
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  It makes you not even sometimes it works to it works so you
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  don't even want to you like the friends and family don't like
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  you, right? So it works.
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  So they never invite you to the friends and family's house.
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  Oh, you know, we, we're supposed to be going over there to, to to
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  Brett's house tonight. And you I know you don't like
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  Brett. So you can just stay here.
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  Don't worry about coming. I'll let you know how it goes
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  over there. I'm going to my mom's house
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  tomorrow. I know you don't like it.
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  My mom, if my mom don't like you, you know, y'all beefing.
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  So I'm just going to go over there for a little while.
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  I'll hang out and I'll call you when I'm on way home.
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  Hey, I'm going, I'm going fishing with my dad.
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  Like I know you don't like you don't like, I know you love
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  fishing, but you don't like my dad and my dad don't like you.
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  So you see how that becomes a built in excuse to not do things
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  with you, a built in excuse to isolate you and make you feel
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  like you're alone on narcissist island.
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  You know they will and it make you feel that way.
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  They will systematically just beat you down and take away
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  your, you know, just take away, take away this make put their
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  family and friends above you on a consistent basis.
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  And it's draining, y'all? It's draining.
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  It can be depressing as hell to you.
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  And like I said, you have to, in a lot of situations, you have to
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  learn how to stand up for yourself.
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  You absolutely do. But again, standing up for
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  yourself typically results may vary.
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  Of course, use discretion, protect yourself, protect your
• 10:52
  piece, use discretion and look again.
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• 11:01
  We're so close to 500 Ki. Appreciate every single one of
• 11:04
  y'all. This is peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea.
• 11:11
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  to the channel helps reach more people and click on the screen
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• 11:18
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• 11:20
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.