Latest / Get Real Rae... Real Business & Life Advice / What to do if you are feeling burned out

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What to do if you are feeling burned out · Get Real Rae... Real Business & Life Advice

• 0:00
  Speaker: I just want to sleep in and eat
• 0:05
  Speaker: cookies on a beach somewhere where I am
• 0:07
  Speaker: 10 pounds lighter and looking absolutely fabulous while
• 0:12
  Speaker: being absolutely wealthy.
• 0:14
  Speaker: Oh, I don't want to think about bills
• 0:16
  Speaker: and I don't want to have to do
• 0:18
  Speaker: everything myself.
• 0:19
  Speaker: I don't want to have to get back
• 0:20
  Speaker: to all the clients and go over the
• 0:23
  Speaker: books and schedule new appointments and find new
• 0:28
  Speaker: clients and keep business going.
• 0:30
  Speaker: Oh my goodness, and come up with really
• 0:32
  Speaker: cool ideas so that we have a really
• 0:34
  Speaker: good business.
• 0:35
  Speaker: I'm tired, tired, tired, tired, tired, tired.
• 0:39
  Speaker: Hello, this is Rae with Get Real Rae,
• 0:42
  Speaker: a place and space for life and business
• 0:44
  Speaker: tips from this creative soul to hopefully inspire
• 0:47
  Speaker: you on your journey, or at the very
• 0:48
  Speaker: least, provide you with some laughs.
• 0:51
  Speaker: And so let's get real.
• 0:53
  Speaker: Craving real advice, tired of feeling like every
• 0:57
  Speaker: other small business owner or solopreneur is raking
• 1:00
  Speaker: in the dough while you just seem to
• 1:02
  Speaker: be raking, secretly looking for a reminder that
• 1:05
  Speaker: starting your own business is not as glamorous
• 1:08
  Speaker: as others make it look.
• 1:10
  Speaker: Whether you're looking to change the game in
• 1:12
  Speaker: your relationships at home or at the workplace,
• 1:15
  Speaker: you've come to the right place.
• 1:17
  Speaker: My name is Rae.
• 1:18
  Speaker: I went from corporate America to running my
• 1:19
  Speaker: own small business to becoming a solopreneur.
• 1:22
  Speaker: I'm a professional actor and dare we say
• 1:25
  Speaker: a professional busybody because this body is about
• 1:28
  Speaker: to be busy all up in your bins.
• 1:30
  Speaker: So let's get real.
• 1:32
  Speaker: Okay, I kind of even hate to utter
• 1:35
  Speaker: the word burnout, but yeah, I don't know.
• 1:42
  Speaker: I kind of feel like how could burnout
• 1:44
  Speaker: even be a thing?
• 1:46
  Speaker: I mean, didn't people go to work and
• 1:51
  Speaker: just suck it up?
• 1:52
  Speaker: You know, you look at those old TV
• 1:54
  Speaker: shows like Oh and the Family or whatever.
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  Speaker: And it wasn't that grownups were coming home
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  Speaker: from work super happy all the time.
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  Speaker: There was a reason why, you know, the
• 2:05
  Speaker: male figures in these shows were often grumpy.
• 2:11
  Speaker: Life is hard and work is hard.
• 2:14
  Speaker: Who says work has to be fun?
• 2:16
  Speaker: I know that's the trend right now is
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  Speaker: work should be fun.
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  Speaker: Work should be something you enjoy.
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  Speaker: And that doesn't go just for work, by
• 2:25
  Speaker: the way.
• 2:25
  Speaker: Everything should be fun and something you enjoy.
• 2:28
  Speaker: Okay, so sex used to just be about
• 2:31
  Speaker: burying children.
• 2:32
  Speaker: And now that's got to be fun and
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  Speaker: something you enjoy.
• 2:35
  Speaker: And if you don't enjoy it all the
• 2:37
  Speaker: time, shame on you.
• 2:38
  Speaker: What's wrong with you?
• 2:39
  Speaker: And food.
• 2:40
  Speaker: Food used to be something we consumed kind
• 2:43
  Speaker: of to fuel our bodies so that we
• 2:44
  Speaker: can go hunt some more food or bear
• 2:47
  Speaker: children or not die.
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  Speaker: Keep the species going.
• 2:51
  Speaker: But now food has just got to be
• 2:53
  Speaker: some like crazy life changing experience as well.
• 2:57
  Speaker: It's got to be colorful or unique or
• 3:00
  Speaker: spicy or adventurous.
• 3:02
  Speaker: I'm like, it's just food.
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  Speaker: Can I just eat it?
• 3:05
  Speaker: Some of the food I make you guys,
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  Speaker: it is ugly.
• 3:09
  Speaker: Okay, some of it doesn't taste good.
• 3:10
  Speaker: But I'm just like, I made it.
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  Speaker: I'm going to eat it because I got
• 3:14
  Speaker: to feel my body.
• 3:16
  Speaker: It don't taste good.
• 3:18
  Speaker: And well, I won't make it like that
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  Speaker: the next time.
• 3:22
  Speaker: Like, come on.
• 3:23
  Speaker: Okay, so I am.
• 3:24
  Speaker: I kind of went on a tangent.
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  Speaker: What's my point?
• 3:29
  Speaker: What is her point?
• 3:31
  Speaker: Okay, so my point is, yes, business is
• 3:35
  Speaker: hard.
• 3:36
  Speaker: And whether you're working for someone else or
• 3:39
  Speaker: you're working for yourself, it's just hard.
• 3:41
  Speaker: It is.
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  Speaker: It's going to be that way.
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  Speaker: And I don't even know if it should
• 3:48
  Speaker: always be pleasurable.
• 3:50
  Speaker: Actually, I don't believe it should always be
• 3:51
  Speaker: pleasurable.
• 3:52
  Speaker: I don't think it should be as hard
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  Speaker: as I'm making it right now.
• 3:55
  Speaker: And there's one key, as hard as I'm
• 3:59
  Speaker: making it.
• 4:00
  Speaker: So I've been listening to a lot of
• 4:05
  Speaker: podcasts lately.
• 4:06
  Speaker: I've been binging Roblo's Literally.
• 4:10
  Speaker: You're listening to Literally with Roblo.
• 4:14
  Speaker: I'm like, how do you even stumble on
• 4:16
  Speaker: this?
• 4:17
  Speaker: It's so random.
• 4:20
  Speaker: It isn't until he starts listing the movies
• 4:23
  Speaker: that he's been.
• 4:23
  Speaker: I'm like, oh, yeah, I know that movie.
• 4:28
  Speaker: But I'm a fan of the Conan O
• 4:30
  Speaker: 'Brien podcast.
• 4:31
  Speaker: I've been a long time fan of Conan
• 4:33
  Speaker: O'Brien.
• 4:35
  Speaker: Recently discovered his podcast.
• 4:37
  Speaker: I started running out of good audiobooks, you
• 4:40
  Speaker: guys.
• 4:41
  Speaker: I know there are tons of good audiobooks
• 4:42
  Speaker: out there.
• 4:42
  Speaker: I was hitting bad audiobook after audiobook on
• 4:46
  Speaker: these road trips.
• 4:47
  Speaker: So I gotta find something else.
• 4:49
  Speaker: This is not happening.
• 4:51
  Speaker: This narrator's voice is annoying me.
• 4:54
  Speaker: And so I stumbled upon these podcasts.
• 4:56
  Speaker: I'm like, oh, I like Conan O'Brien.
• 4:58
  Speaker: Let's me listen to the Team Coco.
• 5:00
  Speaker: I was like, oh, this is really funny.
• 5:02
  Speaker: And somehow in the things of being suggested
• 5:06
  Speaker: under the Team Coco podcast channel, there is
• 5:10
  Speaker: Literally with Roblo.
• 5:11
  Speaker: And he interviews a bunch of celebrities.
• 5:15
  Speaker: And non-celebrities as well.
• 5:18
  Speaker: Like just people known for doing something magical
• 5:22
  Speaker: in life.
• 5:24
  Speaker: And so it's been interesting to listen to
• 5:28
  Speaker: a lot of these actors who have made
• 5:31
  Speaker: ridiculous amounts of money over the years.
• 5:34
  Speaker: Talk about, and there's a few musicians too.
• 5:36
  Speaker: But just listening to them talk about going
• 5:39
  Speaker: from struggling artists to successful artists.
• 5:43
  Speaker: Some of these individuals have had various ups
• 5:46
  Speaker: and downs in their careers.
• 5:48
  Speaker: And it's a reminder for me as someone
• 5:52
  Speaker: who is in the creative fields that even
• 5:57
  Speaker: though what we see in the press and
• 5:59
  Speaker: on social media is the highlights of someone's
• 6:04
  Speaker: life.
• 6:05
  Speaker: That life isn't life.
• 6:08
  Speaker: Real life isn't just the real highlights.
• 6:10
  Speaker: Like there are crummy, crummy times.
• 6:15
  Speaker: And in addition to that reminder of there
• 6:18
  Speaker: are crummy times, there's also that reminder of
• 6:20
  Speaker: you got to keep trying.
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  Speaker: If it's what you want to do, if
• 6:23
  Speaker: it's what you really want to do, then
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  Speaker: you keep trying.
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  Speaker: And why is it that you really want
• 6:27
  Speaker: to do it?
• 6:29
  Speaker: And that's huge for me.
• 6:31
  Speaker: So another birthday has passed.
• 6:34
  Speaker: Cry, cry, cry.
• 6:36
  Speaker: And I've reached an age that has always
• 6:38
  Speaker: been just a really big marker for me.
• 6:42
  Speaker: I've said to myself, well, it's okay that
• 6:44
  Speaker: my career is not where I want to
• 6:46
  Speaker: be right now because I'm not quite at
• 6:49
  Speaker: that number that I set.
• 6:51
  Speaker: And I know once I hit that number,
• 6:54
  Speaker: everything's going to be, everything will fall into
• 6:56
  Speaker: place.
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  Speaker: Like by that number, my career will be
• 7:01
  Speaker: where I want it to be.
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  Speaker: I'll be a rock star in my career.
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  Speaker: My business will be booming.
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  Speaker: I will have paid off all my debt,
• 7:09
  Speaker: or at least in the process of paying
• 7:10
  Speaker: off all my debt.
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  Speaker: And life is good.
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  Speaker: Life is good!
• 7:15
  Speaker: Isn't that sound good?
• 7:18
  Speaker: So yeah, I just had this goal.
• 7:22
  Speaker: And I have to say, as silly as
• 7:24
  Speaker: this goal sounds, I'm the one who created
• 7:26
  Speaker: the number.
• 7:27
  Speaker: It's super silly, but it helped me chug
• 7:30
  Speaker: through the bad times.
• 7:32
  Speaker: It helped me get by.
• 7:33
  Speaker: When I was in high school, I hated
• 7:36
  Speaker: high school.
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  Speaker: I know people were like, oh, high school
• 7:38
  Speaker: was so great.
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  Speaker: I can't wait for my high school year.
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  Speaker: I'm like, really?
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  Speaker: My high school was garbage.
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  Speaker: I hated it.
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  Speaker: I hated letting most of my friends back
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  Speaker: into high school.
• 7:50
  Speaker: And that's not news to them.
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  Speaker: They were just like, hmm, okay, Ray's doing
• 7:56
  Speaker: that thing again.
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  Speaker: Oh, well, you know.
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  Speaker: And what did I hate about my high
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  Speaker: school so much?
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  Speaker: I wasn't really bullied, per se.
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  Speaker: I didn't like that people I'd known and
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  Speaker: loved for a long time, they were going
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  Speaker: through their feelings, right?
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  Speaker: They were going through their, you know, teen
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  Speaker: changes.
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  Speaker: But I didn't like that some people, actually,
• 8:22
  Speaker: to be fair, some people that I did
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  Speaker: not know very well, but they meant a
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  Speaker: lot to other people that I knew, were
• 8:31
  Speaker: being just negative.
• 8:34
  Speaker: Not negative, not negative.
• 8:36
  Speaker: They were just being jerks.
• 8:38
  Speaker: They were being mean.
• 8:40
  Speaker: That's the word.
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  Speaker: They were being mean to some other friends
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  Speaker: of ours who clearly had different developmental processes,
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  Speaker: or I guess I should say developmental delays.
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  Speaker: You know, when we were in middle school,
• 9:00
  Speaker: no one really kind of like noticed or
• 9:02
  Speaker: whatever.
• 9:02
  Speaker: And then in high school, it's kind of
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  Speaker: like, oh, wait, you're still behaving like we
• 9:06
  Speaker: were in middle school.
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  Speaker: We're in high school now.
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  Speaker: Like, we're all older and don't we think
• 9:11
  Speaker: about things differently now?
• 9:14
  Speaker: You know, these friends, they were just like,
• 9:17
  Speaker: oh, no, let's, I still want to, you
• 9:19
  Speaker: know, talk cartoons or wear cartoon t-shirts.
• 9:22
  Speaker: And, you know, everyone else is exploring with
• 9:24
  Speaker: makeup and talking about boyfriends.
• 9:26
  Speaker: And all these things are fine.
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  Speaker: But my thing was like, how are we
• 9:32
  Speaker: all sitting together at lunch, but y'all
• 9:34
  Speaker: turning your back to these other two people?
• 9:36
  Speaker: That don't make any sense to me.
• 9:38
  Speaker: Or not even talking to them.
• 9:39
  Speaker: Or when they talk to you, you don't
• 9:41
  Speaker: talk back.
• 9:42
  Speaker: Or you seem embarrassed to be around.
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  Speaker: That's just like garbage.
• 9:44
  Speaker: So I was like, yo, I ain't got
• 9:45
  Speaker: time for this.
• 9:47
  Speaker: And I think, I'm wondering if like those
• 9:51
  Speaker: two girls wound up just deciding to go
• 9:52
  Speaker: sit somewhere else.
• 9:53
  Speaker: All I know is that I just stopped
• 9:54
  Speaker: sitting with my friends, my friends.
• 9:56
  Speaker: And I went to go sit with these
• 9:57
  Speaker: other friends.
• 9:59
  Speaker: And it felt better to me because they
• 10:01
  Speaker: were just being who they are.
• 10:02
  Speaker: They were being honest.
• 10:04
  Speaker: And I liked that.
• 10:05
  Speaker: And I found myself in this high school
• 10:06
  Speaker: culture, not just with my friends, okay?
• 10:09
  Speaker: Where I felt like there were a lot
• 10:10
  Speaker: of people around who either weren't being honest
• 10:13
  Speaker: or their honesty was, we don't need to
• 10:17
  Speaker: talk to you, Black girl.
• 10:21
  Speaker: Right?
• 10:25
  Speaker: And I was definitely in the, I was
• 10:27
  Speaker: a minority in the minority at my school.
• 10:30
  Speaker: At one point, another minority group came in
• 10:34
  Speaker: and exploded on the scene.
• 10:38
  Speaker: And it was cool, but it was kind
• 10:40
  Speaker: of like, okay, it was cool.
• 10:46
  Speaker: Okay.
• 10:47
  Speaker: I didn't have a problem with having other
• 10:49
  Speaker: minorities at school.
• 10:50
  Speaker: I was like, yay, more friends, more faces.
• 10:52
  Speaker: Love it.
• 10:53
  Speaker: Just because I'm tired of these people that
• 10:55
  Speaker: I've been seeing since middle school that are
• 10:58
  Speaker: just shady.
• 11:00
  Speaker: But they were like wannabe gangs happening or
• 11:04
  Speaker: something.
• 11:04
  Speaker: Were they wannabe?
• 11:05
  Speaker: No, I guess they didn't wanna be.
• 11:06
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 11:06
  Speaker: Maybe not wannabe gangs.
• 11:07
  Speaker: Just like cliques.
• 11:09
  Speaker: Okay.
• 11:09
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 11:09
  Speaker: Gangs is the wrong term.
• 11:11
  Speaker: Cliques.
• 11:11
  Speaker: So there were all of a sudden all
• 11:13
  Speaker: these cliques.
• 11:13
  Speaker: And I'm like, no, no.
• 11:15
  Speaker: Didn't our like movies of our youth teach
• 11:17
  Speaker: us that cliques are bad?
• 11:18
  Speaker: Like, no, no cliques.
• 11:20
  Speaker: And so I didn't have time with the
• 11:21
  Speaker: cliques.
• 11:21
  Speaker: Like you're gonna be with this clique or
• 11:23
  Speaker: that clique.
• 11:23
  Speaker: And then, you know, I was just like,
• 11:25
  Speaker: oh, I can't, I ain't got time for
• 11:26
  Speaker: this.
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  Speaker: Bye.
• 11:28
  Speaker: Bye.
• 11:28
  Speaker: I'm gonna go sit by myself.
• 11:33
  Speaker: Or I'm gonna go and try to sneak
• 11:36
  Speaker: off campus and go get some fast food.
• 11:38
  Speaker: I don't even have to do that with
• 11:40
  Speaker: one of my friends.
• 11:40
  Speaker: We were like, we need Jack in the
• 11:42
  Speaker: Box.
• 11:43
  Speaker: And I'm trying to think, how do we
• 11:44
  Speaker: get to Jack in the Box?
• 11:45
  Speaker: Did we have a car?
• 11:48
  Speaker: Maybe I might have parked like down the
• 11:52
  Speaker: street or nearby or something.
• 11:54
  Speaker: Because you can't park on campus and then
• 11:56
  Speaker: be seen driving off campus.
• 11:58
  Speaker: So I definitely remember me and my friend
• 12:00
  Speaker: trying to sneak back on campus and seeing
• 12:03
  Speaker: one of our teachers and being like, oh,
• 12:05
  Speaker: snap.
• 12:06
  Speaker: We better hide here.
• 12:07
  Speaker: And then we're back on.
• 12:08
  Speaker: Okay.
• 12:09
  Speaker: So there's a fun, there's a fun high
• 12:11
  Speaker: school memory.
• 12:12
  Speaker: But of the ones I hated my high
• 12:13
  Speaker: school.
• 12:15
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 12:15
  Speaker: Hated my high school.
• 12:16
  Speaker: Didn't go to graduation.
• 12:17
  Speaker: Didn't go to any of those dances.
• 12:19
  Speaker: Just blah.
• 12:20
  Speaker: Garbage.
• 12:21
  Speaker: And so what does that have to do
• 12:25
  Speaker: with the misery that is today?
• 12:30
  Speaker: Well, okay.
• 12:31
  Speaker: It's today misery.
• 12:32
  Speaker: Boyd is.
• 12:33
  Speaker: Bad high school.
• 12:34
  Speaker: I was like, oh, I don't know if
• 12:36
  Speaker: I'm going to make it.
• 12:37
  Speaker: I was just, I really felt like, I
• 12:38
  Speaker: don't know if I'm going to make it.
• 12:39
  Speaker: And we hear a lot about youth who
• 12:42
  Speaker: get bullied on social media or they just
• 12:46
  Speaker: aren't the celebrity that they want to be
• 12:50
  Speaker: in high school.
• 12:51
  Speaker: I don't freaking know.
• 12:54
  Speaker: But they do things to themselves that are
• 12:57
  Speaker: not okay.
• 12:58
  Speaker: And some choose to no longer live.
• 13:02
  Speaker: And that's not okay either.
• 13:06
  Speaker: And so one could say, well, it's their
• 13:09
  Speaker: choice.
• 13:10
  Speaker: But there are a lot of things that
• 13:12
  Speaker: we do in life.
• 13:15
  Speaker: There are choices in that moment that we
• 13:18
  Speaker: often regret later.
• 13:19
  Speaker: And there are some choices that people make
• 13:22
  Speaker: that are not reversible.
• 13:24
  Speaker: Right.
• 13:26
  Speaker: And so the choice that we make in
• 13:28
  Speaker: that moment.
• 13:29
  Speaker: A lot of times those choices are made
• 13:33
  Speaker: because we don't know how to handle things.
• 13:37
  Speaker: We don't know how to manage our emotions
• 13:38
  Speaker: to manage that situation.
• 13:41
  Speaker: And so I used to tell myself, if
• 13:44
  Speaker: I just make it through high school, if
• 13:47
  Speaker: I just do this, then I will never
• 13:52
  Speaker: give up.
• 13:54
  Speaker: If I just do this, I will never
• 13:57
  Speaker: give up.
• 13:58
  Speaker: And so I made it.
• 14:01
  Speaker: I survived the high school.
• 14:03
  Speaker: I will never give up.
• 14:04
  Speaker: I will never look back.
• 14:05
  Speaker: And I haven't given up.
• 14:07
  Speaker: I have been fighting since the day my
• 14:13
  Speaker: diploma was announced, I guess.
• 14:16
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 14:17
  Speaker: I wasn't there.
• 14:17
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 14:18
  Speaker: What do you do with a diploma when
• 14:19
  Speaker: the person is literally not there?
• 14:22
  Speaker: Also, my mom was like, I'm not paying
• 14:24
  Speaker: for that cap and gown.
• 14:25
  Speaker: I was like, okay, well, I don't have
• 14:27
  Speaker: the money.
• 14:28
  Speaker: So I guess I'm just not going to
• 14:29
  Speaker: go.
• 14:29
  Speaker: Like, I don't know what to tell you.
• 14:34
  Speaker: I was the girl in high school who
• 14:37
  Speaker: had like three jobs.
• 14:38
  Speaker: So yeah, you know, do the math there.
• 14:42
  Speaker: No, I wasn't spending all my money on
• 14:44
  Speaker: Jack in the Box or whatever.
• 14:47
  Speaker: But yeah, I have been known as the
• 14:49
  Speaker: broke girl for a number of years, which
• 14:53
  Speaker: is not okay.
• 14:53
  Speaker: And so here I am at this age
• 14:56
  Speaker: where I thought all of my life problems
• 14:58
  Speaker: would just be solved and the process being
• 15:00
  Speaker: solved.
• 15:04
  Speaker: And gosh, the last couple weeks, days, it's
• 15:08
  Speaker: just kind of been this in your face
• 15:10
  Speaker: of you don't own a house.
• 15:16
  Speaker: You own a car, but it's not paid
• 15:18
  Speaker: off.
• 15:18
  Speaker: So do you really own it?
• 15:19
  Speaker: Because, you know, all you need to do
• 15:21
  Speaker: is miss a couple of bills and that
• 15:23
  Speaker: car ain't yours anymore.
• 15:24
  Speaker: So I guess you don't own it.
• 15:25
  Speaker: The things you own are the things that
• 15:27
  Speaker: people can't take away from you.
• 15:29
  Speaker: You'll be like, no, that's mine.
• 15:30
  Speaker: So even though I'm not leasing this car,
• 15:34
  Speaker: I didn't do a loan for it.
• 15:36
  Speaker: I don't really own it.
• 15:37
  Speaker: The house I'm in, I'm renting.
• 15:40
  Speaker: I have an opportunity to buy it, but
• 15:43
  Speaker: I decided I don't want to buy it.
• 15:44
  Speaker: I don't think the foundation, I know the
• 15:47
  Speaker: foundation needs to be fixed.
• 15:50
  Speaker: And I don't know that, yes, there are
• 15:54
  Speaker: grants to do that.
• 15:55
  Speaker: I don't really know that it makes sense
• 15:58
  Speaker: for me to be the one to fix
• 15:59
  Speaker: it.
• 16:00
  Speaker: I feel like if I'm going to get
• 16:04
  Speaker: grants and invest in something, in a property,
• 16:06
  Speaker: then it should be a property that I,
• 16:12
  Speaker: there are other reasons to love it other
• 16:15
  Speaker: than, well, it's convenient and I have this
• 16:18
  Speaker: opportunity, right?
• 16:20
  Speaker: So there's that, there's that, there's that decision.
• 16:23
  Speaker: My neighbors are cool.
• 16:26
  Speaker: Overall, the area is pretty quiet, but sometimes
• 16:31
  Speaker: I turn to like the grumpy old lady.
• 16:33
  Speaker: I'm like, this garbage, there's been this thing
• 16:36
  Speaker: with the garbage blowing over from one neighbor's
• 16:39
  Speaker: yard and it gets into my yard.
• 16:40
  Speaker: And then I don't, I look out the
• 16:43
  Speaker: window when I work.
• 16:44
  Speaker: And so I don't want to see other
• 16:46
  Speaker: people's garbage all over my yard.
• 16:49
  Speaker: Now, with that being said, I don't even
• 16:50
  Speaker: own the property.
• 16:51
  Speaker: It ain't really my yard.
• 16:53
  Speaker: Um, but I also don't feel like when
• 16:57
  Speaker: I step out of my door, I should
• 16:58
  Speaker: be stepping over someone else's kid's bikes or
• 17:01
  Speaker: stepping in someone else's garbage and all these
• 17:04
  Speaker: things.
• 17:04
  Speaker: So with that being said, um, there are
• 17:07
  Speaker: some reasons why I don't feel like owning
• 17:11
  Speaker: this property makes sense anymore.
• 17:13
  Speaker: There's also like this kid down the street
• 17:15
  Speaker: with this, Oh my gosh, this stupid big
• 17:19
  Speaker: truck.
• 17:20
  Speaker: And this really like, will be blasting rap
• 17:23
  Speaker: music.
• 17:24
  Speaker: But clearly it's one of those things where
• 17:28
  Speaker: you feel like the person listens to rap
• 17:30
  Speaker: just because someone told them that rap is
• 17:33
  Speaker: cool.
• 17:35
  Speaker: Um, I listen to rap because I love
• 17:36
  Speaker: rap, but you also, I don't know.
• 17:39
  Speaker: I just get the sense that it's a
• 17:43
  Speaker: self-esteem thing.
• 17:44
  Speaker: And maybe it's partly how loudly they play
• 17:47
  Speaker: the music.
• 17:48
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 17:49
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 17:50
  Speaker: Um, when, when you are in the middle
• 17:53
  Speaker: of nowhere, middle of nowhere in the Midwest,
• 17:56
  Speaker: then you, you see things like this where
• 17:59
  Speaker: you're just like, Oh, this, this person has
• 18:04
  Speaker: watched a number of movies where they've convinced
• 18:05
  Speaker: themselves that like, this is cool.
• 18:08
  Speaker: Or, you know, if they listen to enough
• 18:10
  Speaker: rap music, maybe there'll be the next Eminem,
• 18:12
  Speaker: even though they don't rap.
• 18:13
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 18:13
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 18:13
  Speaker: Maybe I'm, I'm just, maybe I think too
• 18:15
  Speaker: far, but I'm just trying to paint a
• 18:17
  Speaker: picture of the chaos and the insanity that
• 18:20
  Speaker: is around me.
• 18:21
  Speaker: My mom, um, has referred to it as
• 18:23
  Speaker: kind of like a living, like Jerry Springer
• 18:28
  Speaker: episode because there's this crazy lady across the
• 18:32
  Speaker: street who just, well, she's not crazy, but
• 18:34
  Speaker: she has some crazy, she has some outbursts
• 18:36
  Speaker: and you hear things slamming and banging and
• 18:39
  Speaker: mind you, I'm not outside.
• 18:41
  Speaker: I'm inside.
• 18:42
  Speaker: And I hear this stuff.
• 18:44
  Speaker: Um, and so a part of me wants
• 18:46
  Speaker: to be like, man, perhaps you're going through
• 18:49
  Speaker: the change.
• 18:50
  Speaker: Would you like to talk about some vitamins
• 18:52
  Speaker: or go see your doctor and get some
• 18:55
  Speaker: help?
• 18:56
  Speaker: So yeah, there's that.
• 18:59
  Speaker: Okay.
• 19:00
  Speaker: So I'm living not really where I feel
• 19:02
  Speaker: like this is my forever home.
• 19:04
  Speaker: Um, I don't own a house.
• 19:06
  Speaker: I don't own a car.
• 19:06
  Speaker: My, I have, I own two businesses and
• 19:10
  Speaker: have some other kind of businesses under those
• 19:13
  Speaker: businesses.
• 19:16
  Speaker: Um, work is not as booming as I
• 19:19
  Speaker: would like right now, partly because I am
• 19:21
  Speaker: not putting in the work.
• 19:23
  Speaker: Um, I know that there's a lot of
• 19:26
  Speaker: stuff to be done and I'm tired.
• 19:29
  Speaker: I'm tired.
• 19:32
  Speaker: Like I said, high school, going through jobs.
• 19:35
  Speaker: I have been working my buns off since
• 19:38
  Speaker: I was 12.
• 19:40
  Speaker: I ain't 12 anymore.
• 19:42
  Speaker: So I've been working my buns off for
• 19:44
  Speaker: a number of years and that's not an
• 19:48
  Speaker: excuse.
• 19:49
  Speaker: Okay.
• 19:50
  Speaker: Um, I remember when I was working at
• 19:53
  Speaker: this plastic surgeon's office, a patient came in
• 19:56
  Speaker: and I think I had said something to
• 19:59
  Speaker: her like, Oh, how was your summer?
• 20:01
  Speaker: How was your trip?
• 20:01
  Speaker: I don't know why.
• 20:02
  Speaker: But she had mentioned going on vacation with
• 20:07
  Speaker: her family.
• 20:07
  Speaker: And she said, yeah, every year we go
• 20:09
  Speaker: to this place and it's always so relaxing.
• 20:11
  Speaker: Everyone needs a vacation.
• 20:14
  Speaker: And I thought, that's weird.
• 20:15
  Speaker: Do they?
• 20:16
  Speaker: Do they really?
• 20:16
  Speaker: Why does everyone need a vacation?
• 20:18
  Speaker: Like everyone needs to eat.
• 20:20
  Speaker: We need that.
• 20:21
  Speaker: Otherwise, after a number of days without food,
• 20:24
  Speaker: you gotta die.
• 20:26
  Speaker: We all need water.
• 20:27
  Speaker: We all need to defecate.
• 20:29
  Speaker: Like these are things that we need.
• 20:30
  Speaker: We all need to inhale, exhale oxygen.
• 20:33
  Speaker: But do we all really need a vacation?
• 20:35
  Speaker: Like that just kind of previously, that sounded
• 20:38
  Speaker: like just some weird privilege stuff.
• 20:42
  Speaker: People would say like, Oh, okay.
• 20:44
  Speaker: That's what somebody who could afford a vacation
• 20:45
  Speaker: would say bye.
• 20:47
  Speaker: But I really thought about this because I
• 20:49
  Speaker: thought she is a doctor.
• 20:52
  Speaker: She's a licensed professional.
• 20:53
  Speaker: And do we all need vacations?
• 20:56
  Speaker: Maybe we do.
• 20:58
  Speaker: So maybe we do.
• 21:00
  Speaker: Okay.
• 21:01
  Speaker: And I was supposed to go visit my
• 21:06
  Speaker: mom as a surprise for her birthday back
• 21:08
  Speaker: in November.
• 21:12
  Speaker: And financially, it just wasn't looking good.
• 21:16
  Speaker: And my niece was expecting a baby.
• 21:20
  Speaker: So I said, let me hold off.
• 21:23
  Speaker: And let me push this trip to January
• 21:27
  Speaker: when I know my niece's baby is due.
• 21:32
  Speaker: My niece had the baby early.
• 21:35
  Speaker: And didn't even tell me about it.
• 21:37
  Speaker: I had to find out through another family
• 21:42
  Speaker: member.
• 21:43
  Speaker: I thought, okay, I know you just had
• 21:46
  Speaker: a baby.
• 21:47
  Speaker: But someone could tell me and not feel
• 21:56
  Speaker: like this kind of third hand.
• 21:57
  Speaker: Like, okay.
• 21:59
  Speaker: What I guess I'm really saying is her
• 22:01
  Speaker: mother should have at least said like, Oh,
• 22:03
  Speaker: you know, she went to labor or she
• 22:05
  Speaker: had the baby.
• 22:06
  Speaker: Not me finding out days later from, you
• 22:09
  Speaker: know.
• 22:10
  Speaker: So anyway.
• 22:12
  Speaker: Yeah, you've heard me talk about my family.
• 22:19
  Speaker: I was like, okay, well, I guess that
• 22:21
  Speaker: whole January thing's not happening.
• 22:24
  Speaker: Doesn't even matter, though.
• 22:27
  Speaker: I am going to make this trip happen
• 22:30
  Speaker: very soon.
• 22:31
  Speaker: And, you know, I talked to my mom
• 22:33
  Speaker: regularly now.
• 22:34
  Speaker: Which wasn't always the case.
• 22:35
  Speaker: We were talking and I felt like, God,
• 22:39
  Speaker: I'm such a rotten kid.
• 22:42
  Speaker: Because she keeps dropping hints like, well, when
• 22:44
  Speaker: you come visit, when you come visit.
• 22:46
  Speaker: And I know this is bad.
• 22:49
  Speaker: So I'm just going to do it.
• 22:50
  Speaker: I'm going to book a ticket.
• 22:51
  Speaker: I'm going to go see her.
• 22:54
  Speaker: And I couldn't make it for my birthday.
• 22:57
  Speaker: But I said, I'm going to try to
• 22:59
  Speaker: do it.
• 23:00
  Speaker: I have this event coming up that's not
• 23:04
  Speaker: far from the airport.
• 23:05
  Speaker: I'm going to go to that event.
• 23:06
  Speaker: And I'm going to go to the airport.
• 23:07
  Speaker: I'm going to go see her.
• 23:08
  Speaker: And she's going to be so surprised.
• 23:09
  Speaker: It's going to be so great.
• 23:11
  Speaker: Yes.
• 23:13
  Speaker: And given that sales weren't where I wanted
• 23:15
  Speaker: them to be, I went ahead.
• 23:20
  Speaker: Put up some opportunities of people to register
• 23:23
  Speaker: for classes.
• 23:25
  Speaker: Someone registered for a class.
• 23:26
  Speaker: Actually, a couple people.
• 23:27
  Speaker: This was great.
• 23:28
  Speaker: Yes, I need this money.
• 23:29
  Speaker: I've got this trip planned.
• 23:31
  Speaker: But I had the time memorized incorrectly.
• 23:36
  Speaker: And so it was like, great.
• 23:40
  Speaker: I have a flight that is going to
• 23:44
  Speaker: be departing five minutes after my class ends.
• 23:50
  Speaker: And I know this airline, they will not.
• 23:53
  Speaker: They're going to board orderly if they can.
• 23:55
  Speaker: And if they can leave 20 minutes earlier,
• 23:56
  Speaker: they want to.
• 23:57
  Speaker: So that's not going to happen.
• 24:00
  Speaker: So after lots of trying to figure out,
• 24:02
  Speaker: can I go through a different airport?
• 24:03
  Speaker: Can I get to the airport super early
• 24:05
  Speaker: and work from the airport?
• 24:08
  Speaker: There was just no way any of this
• 24:09
  Speaker: was going to happen.
• 24:10
  Speaker: So I said, OK, I've got to cancel
• 24:11
  Speaker: this flight.
• 24:13
  Speaker: $160 down the drain, which really hurt because
• 24:16
  Speaker: I was already trying to figure out, gosh,
• 24:18
  Speaker: if she gets sick of me after a
• 24:20
  Speaker: few days, what am I going to do?
• 24:22
  Speaker: Like, how am I going to get home?
• 24:24
  Speaker: Can I at least afford a hotel?
• 24:25
  Speaker: Because I don't have the money to fly
• 24:26
  Speaker: back early.
• 24:29
  Speaker: So I canceled the flight.
• 24:30
  Speaker: And I felt horrible about it.
• 24:32
  Speaker: I still feel bad about it, but I
• 24:34
  Speaker: was feeling really bad about it initially.
• 24:38
  Speaker: And sure enough, super annoying yesterday, when I'm
• 24:41
  Speaker: getting these alerts from the airline, your flight
• 24:43
  Speaker: will be departing 20 minutes late.
• 24:45
  Speaker: Really?
• 24:46
  Speaker: Really, fools?
• 24:47
  Speaker: So I could have taken that flight.
• 24:49
  Speaker: I could have gone to see my mom
• 24:51
  Speaker: the way I wanted to.
• 24:52
  Speaker: And by the way, I will say that
• 24:55
  Speaker: there was a lot of arguing with the
• 24:59
  Speaker: airline as well, because I'm getting all these
• 25:01
  Speaker: alerts that my reservation hadn't been canceled.
• 25:04
  Speaker: And I knew I canceled it.
• 25:06
  Speaker: So anyway, I had all these feelings.
• 25:09
  Speaker: Like, I hate these people who are sending
• 25:11
  Speaker: me these emails.
• 25:12
  Speaker: And I hate this reminder that I can't
• 25:14
  Speaker: go see my mom.
• 25:16
  Speaker: And I hate this reminder that I can't
• 25:18
  Speaker: have the vacation that I wanted to have,
• 25:20
  Speaker: because I wanted to have a vacation, because
• 25:23
  Speaker: I am not putting in the work at
• 25:25
  Speaker: work.
• 25:26
  Speaker: And I'm losing my love for what I
• 25:29
  Speaker: love to do.
• 25:30
  Speaker: My love for what I worked so hard
• 25:32
  Speaker: to do.
• 25:34
  Speaker: I'm good to build these things.
• 25:40
  Speaker: I don't want to say dreams per se,
• 25:44
  Speaker: but they're not sandcastles.
• 25:46
  Speaker: Sometimes it feels like sandcastles.
• 25:48
  Speaker: I feel like just one small thing can
• 25:50
  Speaker: wipe away my businesses.
• 25:53
  Speaker: But that's not true.
• 25:54
  Speaker: They are more solid than sand.
• 25:56
  Speaker: So jello molds?
• 25:58
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 25:59
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 26:00
  Speaker: They're not quite jello either.
• 26:01
  Speaker: I think they're more solid than jello.
• 26:02
  Speaker: Okay, I gotta go through the three little
• 26:04
  Speaker: pigs.
• 26:05
  Speaker: The guy with the straw.
• 26:07
  Speaker: Okay, maybe I got like sticks.
• 26:09
  Speaker: I don't like the idea of sticks though.
• 26:11
  Speaker: I like to think I've got like wood
• 26:13
  Speaker: and not sticks.
• 26:14
  Speaker: But I don't have bricks.
• 26:16
  Speaker: I want bricks.
• 26:16
  Speaker: I want brick houses.
• 26:17
  Speaker: I want a brick house empire like the
• 26:20
  Speaker: three little pigs.
• 26:21
  Speaker: And you should be focused on building bricks
• 26:23
  Speaker: in your life too.
• 26:24
  Speaker: Whether it's working for someone else or working
• 26:26
  Speaker: for yourself.
• 26:27
  Speaker: Make sure you got bricks.
• 26:30
  Speaker: And so I do not have bricks.
• 26:33
  Speaker: I want bricks.
• 26:34
  Speaker: I'm at this age where I'm not having
• 26:36
  Speaker: bricks.
• 26:37
  Speaker: What is happening?
• 26:38
  Speaker: And I can't take a vacation without still
• 26:40
  Speaker: feeling like I have to work during vacation.
• 26:42
  Speaker: And I'm looking at my schedule going, you
• 26:45
  Speaker: know what?
• 26:45
  Speaker: I'm gonna stop doing certain types of work
• 26:48
  Speaker: on Saturdays.
• 26:49
  Speaker: And this summer, I don't even know if
• 26:51
  Speaker: I want to go ahead and do this
• 26:52
  Speaker: other type of work.
• 26:53
  Speaker: And I'm getting all this requests for some
• 26:54
  Speaker: type of work.
• 26:55
  Speaker: And I know I need to get back
• 26:56
  Speaker: to these people.
• 26:57
  Speaker: I'm so conflicted.
• 26:59
  Speaker: And yeah, can you see why I need
• 27:00
  Speaker: a vacation?
• 27:02
  Speaker: But do we?
• 27:03
  Speaker: Do we really need a vacation?
• 27:04
  Speaker: So do I need a vacation?
• 27:06
  Speaker: Or do I need to make some big
• 27:08
  Speaker: changes so that I don't ever again feel
• 27:13
  Speaker: like I don't have a choice?
• 27:16
  Speaker: And actually, I think that's what it is.
• 27:19
  Speaker: It's not that I need a vacation, right?
• 27:21
  Speaker: I don't need to be on a beach
• 27:23
  Speaker: somewhere.
• 27:24
  Speaker: It's that I want to feel as if
• 27:27
  Speaker: I have a choice.
• 27:29
  Speaker: And I think that's good.
• 27:31
  Speaker: I think it's, I do have choices.
• 27:34
  Speaker: I have far more choices than a lot
• 27:36
  Speaker: of people my age.
• 27:39
  Speaker: And I'm grateful for the ability to have
• 27:42
  Speaker: those choices.
• 27:44
  Speaker: And so it's kind of like this perfect
• 27:45
  Speaker: storm.
• 27:46
  Speaker: Because I've got this podcast with all these
• 27:49
  Speaker: celebrities talking about their experience.
• 27:52
  Speaker: And you know, they did it.
• 27:54
  Speaker: They did it.
• 27:54
  Speaker: They built brick houses for themselves.
• 28:00
  Speaker: I am reading some wonderful books right now.
• 28:05
  Speaker: I just finished Britney Spears autobiography.
• 28:07
  Speaker: Right now, I'm reading Jeanette McCurry's autobiography.
• 28:10
  Speaker: I started reading Paris Hilton's one.
• 28:13
  Speaker: I have mixed feelings on that one.
• 28:16
  Speaker: I think she's a really good writer.
• 28:17
  Speaker: Absolutely really good writer.
• 28:19
  Speaker: I'm just not like, oh, I gotta fit
• 28:20
  Speaker: like Jeanette's.
• 28:21
  Speaker: I'm like, oh my goodness.
• 28:24
  Speaker: And that seems to be a strange reaction
• 28:26
  Speaker: about someone's life.
• 28:27
  Speaker: But I also kind of feel like my
• 28:28
  Speaker: life is a little bit of a whackadoodle
• 28:30
  Speaker: experience.
• 28:31
  Speaker: It's definitely unusual.
• 28:32
  Speaker: It is unusual.
• 28:34
  Speaker: And so I'm so grateful for these people
• 28:36
  Speaker: for sharing their experiences in these books.
• 28:40
  Speaker: And I just having these constant reminders of
• 28:45
  Speaker: you could be doing more.
• 28:47
  Speaker: You should be doing more.
• 28:49
  Speaker: You need to lay those bricks.
• 28:50
  Speaker: You have to strengthen your foundation.
• 28:54
  Speaker: You have to do what you said you
• 28:57
  Speaker: were supposed to be doing at this point
• 28:58
  Speaker: in your life, right?
• 28:59
  Speaker: Because I ain't getting younger.
• 29:02
  Speaker: I will continue to get older and opportunities
• 29:04
  Speaker: will continue to present themselves and will continue
• 29:07
  Speaker: to pass me by.
• 29:08
  Speaker: And so I have to make some big
• 29:10
  Speaker: decisions and figure out, well, which opportunities am
• 29:13
  Speaker: I really going to go for and pursue?
• 29:15
  Speaker: And which opportunities will I just let slide
• 29:19
  Speaker: on by?
• 29:22
  Speaker: And I guess for me, the thought of
• 29:26
  Speaker: I could have gotten back to that person.
• 29:30
  Speaker: I could have been practicing, memorizing a new
• 29:32
  Speaker: monologue.
• 29:33
  Speaker: I could have been working on learning piano.
• 29:35
  Speaker: I could have been practicing some dance moves.
• 29:36
  Speaker: I could have done this better, that better.
• 29:38
  Speaker: Be the person.
• 29:39
  Speaker: I say I want to be the person
• 29:41
  Speaker: I dream of being.
• 29:42
  Speaker: I could be that person, but I'm not
• 29:44
  Speaker: being that person because it was way more
• 29:47
  Speaker: comfortable, easier, or just less risky for me
• 29:52
  Speaker: to go eat some trail mix and