Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Parenting Unplugged: Taking Charge as a Media Mentor | Ep. 96

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Parenting Unplugged: Taking Charge as a Media Mentor | Ep. 96 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:03
  Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
• 0:06
  Greetings, parents, and welcome back to the Parenting Podcast.
• 0:10
  I'm Cheryl Lang, your host and partner on this journey.
• 0:14
  In today's tech savvy world, it's easy to feel overwhelmed by the digital challenges we face.
• 0:22
  However, here at TPP, our aim isn't to see you give in or give up.
• 0:30
  It's to empower you.
• 0:32
  Today, we're going to take a deeper look into the vital role of a media mentor.
• 0:38
  That's you, guiding your family through the vast digital landscape.
• 0:44
  Together, we'll explore concerns such as co viewing, highlighting how your active involvement in your child's digital world can truly make a difference.
• 0:53
  We'll thubbing, where our phones occasionally intrude in our relationships.
• 1:01
  Our mission is to assist you in harnessing technology for the benefit of your family rather than letting it become a hindrance.
• 1:11
  TPP is here to walk alongside you, providing both encouragement and valuable insights.
• 1:18
  While it might seem like a daunting task, remember that it's a battle worth fighting.
• 1:24
  So, let's jump right into the conversation.
• 1:36
  ellen: Well, you know, we've been talking about all this social media and stuff and of course, because I'm older, I mean, I'm on Instagram, but I also I'm on Facebook and a lot of my friends, but I think Facebook got mad at me because I hadn't been on it.
• 1:49
  ellen: Well, what they did was they started introducing old friends.
• 1:53
  ellen: Oh, they started coming through
• 1:56
  Christie: and I was like, Oh, enticing you, Ellen, come back to us.
• 2:00
  Christie: Johnson.
• 2:03
  Christie: That's right.
• 2:03
  Christie: Well, have you guys seen that documentary, The Social Dilemma?
• 2:08
  Christie: It's an eerie little account of how that really is the thing.
• 2:12
  Christie: I mean, whenever you haven't logged in in a minute, they're enticing you to come back.
• 2:17
  Christie: Hey, don't you want to see what so and so posted?
• 2:19
  Christie: Don't you want to see this
• 2:20
  Cheryl: or that?
• 2:20
  Cheryl: And it was not created by...
• 2:23
  Cheryl: Conspiracy theorist.
• 2:24
  Cheryl: No, it was ex
• 2:25
  Christie: employees of the major tech companies that were chiming in on the dangers of social media.
• 2:31
  Cheryl: And the fact that Steve Jobs didn't let his kids have devices, so it's real.
• 2:39
  Cheryl: It's not the conspiracy theorist, it's the people in the tech world who are concerned.
• 2:45
  ellen: Everyone is going to get into the dark web or some horrible thing.
• 2:50
  ellen: But if you think of the time that you're on.
• 2:53
  ellen: Devices, right?
• 2:55
  ellen: And you could be doing something more creative, interacting in a, in a more personal way with your friends and your children, just all of those things, right?
• 3:04
  Cheryl: You know, like a relative of mine Came in from out of town.
• 3:07
  Cheryl: We got to spend some time together.
• 3:09
  Cheryl: And we went to a restaurant.
• 3:11
  Cheryl: And rather than a paper menu, they just pointed to the QR code we don't want the ignorance of not knowing what they are or how to use them.
• 3:22
  Cheryl: because they're useful.
• 3:24
  Cheryl: Like, if we had an event, we would certainly create a QR code for people to register, to send their questions, everything.
• 3:32
  Cheryl: Well, probably 90%.
• 3:34
  ellen: of phones, and the internet is really useful and
• 3:38
  Christie: practical and helpful.
• 3:40
  Christie: But it gets in your head.
• 3:42
  Christie: I know the other day I was looking at a magazine and there was a photo in it that I wanted to see a detail in the background better, and I actually got the urge to reach up and zoom in on the photo.
• 3:53
  Christie: On the paper magazine.
• 3:54
  Christie: Yes, how pathetic is that?
• 3:56
  Christie: But it's really, you know, true.
• 3:58
  Cheryl: My sister used to teach at preschool and so she had these little bitty ones, two and a half and three.
• 4:06
  Cheryl: And she had one, she pulled her up next to her and she was looking at a book with ducks and whatever.
• 4:13
  Cheryl: And the child kept reaching over and...
• 4:16
  Cheryl: Moving her hand across the page.
• 4:18
  Cheryl: Swiping.
• 4:19
  Cheryl: Swiping.
• 4:19
  Cheryl: Oh my goodness.
• 4:21
  Cheryl: And so this was like seven years ago.
• 4:23
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:24
  Cheryl: And my sister didn't have a smart phone at the time.
• 4:27
  Cheryl: She had a phone, but not a smart phone.
• 4:29
  Cheryl: And she asked all the teachers, what are these children doing?
• 4:32
  Cheryl: Why are they feeling the pages?
• 4:35
  Cheryl: No.
• 4:36
  Cheryl: They, at two and a half, they haven't been exposed to books.
• 4:40
  Christie: So this new technology, books, yeah.
• 4:44
  Cheryl: So now she's introducing them to books and it used to be children from neglected homes that were not being enriched.
• 4:54
  Cheryl: And my sister worked for an upper middle class group of families.
• 4:59
  Cheryl: They would never qualify to be neglected.
• 5:01
  Cheryl: But you just said the new technology books, the children weren't being read books.
• 5:05
  ellen: Yeah, well that's what's happening in our public libraries.
• 5:09
  ellen: They're closing them across the country because you get everything on your phone.
• 5:14
  ellen: You don't need to go
• 5:14
  Cheryl: borrow a book.
• 5:15
  Cheryl: So, it's all here to stay.
• 5:18
  Cheryl: Parents, if you, listened to us last time, what we're trying to do is help.
• 5:23
  Cheryl: You were using the term be media mentors in your home.
• 5:28
  Cheryl: And so we're going to go back a little bit.
• 5:29
  Cheryl: I want to talk about what a mentor is because we want to empower you rather than have you cower because of the enormity of the problem or fear or just ignorance.
• 5:41
  Christie: yeah
• 5:41
  Cheryl: So if we want to make them mentors, let's talk a little bit.
• 5:45
  Cheryl: What?
• 5:46
  Cheryl: That would be the things that a mentor would do, not specifically this, but any mentor.
• 5:51
  Cheryl: Well, I'm thinking
• 5:51
  Christie: about mentors in other areas.
• 5:54
  Christie: You know, you are not going to seek out a person to mentor you if they're not qualified and if they're not practicing in way, you know, practicing the habits that you would like to implement in your life.
• 6:08
  Christie: So they
• 6:08
  Cheryl: have to have some information and knowledge.
• 6:11
  Cheryl: And
• 6:11
  Christie: they
• 6:11
  Cheryl: are actually practicing it
• 6:12
  ellen: Yes.
• 6:13
  ellen: Yes,
• 6:13
  Cheryl: And they
• 6:14
  ellen: have to be able to, uh, communicate that knowledge to you.
• 6:18
  ellen: But also, unfortunately, what is that old saying that um, children do what, do what,
• 6:25
  Cheryl: It's caught rather than taught?
• 6:27
  Cheryl: Yes,
• 6:28
  ellen: thank you.
• 6:29
  ellen: I could
• 6:29
  Christie: not think of that, yes.
• 6:30
  Christie: Even in our unspoken ways that we don't even realize.
• 6:35
  Christie: They do see the things that we don't even realize
• 6:37
  Cheryl: about ourselves.
• 6:38
  Cheryl: And it's like those little two year olds trying to scroll through a book, because no one put the children...
• 6:45
  Cheryl: in a class to say, here's how you scroll a
• 6:48
  Christie: screen.
• 6:49
  Christie: Well, and I think about too, I remember realizing one time, how many types of things I do on my phone, like we all do, and they were all really good things.
• 7:01
  Christie: things, but things that might have been from different resources at a different, you know, different time in my life.
• 7:06
  Christie: So like looking for a recipe instead of a cookbook, I'm on my phone, you know, my Bible study I do on my phone, you know, my research, uh, yeah, dictionary or something on my phone, reading the newspaper I do on my phone.
• 7:21
  Christie: You can just press on this, which is my favorite thing to do the weather.
• 7:25
  Christie: I would look out on my phone.
• 7:27
  Christie: So I realized all of these things my kids were seeing me do were actually good things, valid things.
• 7:32
  Christie: I need to know if it's gonna rain later before we go to the park.
• 7:35
  Christie: But I didn't think about all they see is me on my phone.
• 7:38
  Cheryl: And you're exactly right.
• 7:40
  Cheryl: It's like other issues.
• 7:43
  Cheryl: Children don't know why their parents aren't there, they just know their parents aren't here.
• 7:48
  Cheryl: And now, we have the issue of physical parents, they're physically there, but they're uncaptured even if it's good recipes.
• 7:57
  Christie: You know, there's a word for it.
• 7:58
  Christie: What?
• 7:58
  Christie: phubbing.
• 7:59
  Christie: P H U B B I N G, phubbing.
• 8:02
  Christie: It's the combination of the word phone and snubbing.
• 8:06
  Christie: So they talk more about it in marriage, marriage counseling talks about it a lot.
• 8:10
  Christie: But phubbing, like you're um, snubbing the person because of your phone.
• 8:15
  Christie: Wow.
• 8:16
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:17
  Christie: So we're creating vocabulary for how we treat people because of your phone..
• 8:21
  Christie: I've been
• 8:22
  ellen: in rooms where everyone's on their phone, and they're kind of acknowledging you're there.
• 8:26
  ellen: You'll say, uh huh, uh huh.
• 8:27
  ellen: But they're not really engaging with you.
• 8:30
  ellen: And everybody thinks they can do, they can multitask, but any psychologist will tell you that's not true.
• 8:36
  ellen: No,
• 8:36
  Cheryl: they say your brain cannot do that one thing.
• 8:39
  Cheryl: Less effective.
• 8:40
  Cheryl: Yeah, sure is.
• 8:41
  Cheryl: So one of the things we didn't do last time was use Statistics because we could fill four episodes with current statistics And the fact that most of it is going in a vertical direction, and we all know, we'd have to do
• 9:00
  Christie: four more episodes,
• 9:02
  Cheryl: that 2020 changed the world.
• 9:05
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 9:06
  Cheryl: And, um, I'm listening to a book that was written pre 2020, and it's about a pandemic.
• 9:11
  Cheryl: Oh, and so you go, this isn't so funny anymore.
• 9:14
  Cheryl: It's not right.
• 9:16
  Cheryl: But one of the ways it changed is what happened with the internet.
• 9:20
  Cheryl: Right.
• 9:21
  Cheryl: If you will, universal quality.
• 9:23
  Cheryl: So, let's share a few current statistics about device usage and kids.
• 9:30
  Cheryl: Which ones do you all find interesting?
• 9:32
  Cheryl: Well,
• 9:32
  ellen: I find it kind of scary.
• 9:34
  ellen: Um, that the American Academy of Pediatrics reports that the average American child spends seven hours a day on screens.
• 9:41
  ellen: My husband, who is a psychologist, corrected and said, no, the current figures are ten
• 9:46
  Cheryl: hours.
• 9:46
  Cheryl: Ten hours.
• 9:48
  Cheryl: So, think about how long a child is awake.
• 9:51
  Cheryl: Mm hmm.
• 9:52
  Cheryl: During the day.
• 9:53
  Cheryl: These are the kind of statistics, not to scare, parents but the reality of it.
• 9:58
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 9:58
  Cheryl: And they
• 9:59
  ellen: have to do.
• 10:00
  ellen: They do so much school.
• 10:02
  ellen: Yes.
• 10:02
  ellen: You know, and I remember during the pandemic, one of my grandsons was living with us.
• 10:06
  ellen: He was in high school and he had to do some of his school online.
• 10:10
  ellen: And I always would kind of pat him on the back afterwards.
• 10:13
  ellen: I go, Oh, that seemed really long.
• 10:15
  ellen: And he was like, yeah, it was really long to just do zoom classrooms for the year or two.
• 10:21
  ellen: Yes.
• 10:22
  ellen: Yes,
• 10:22
  Cheryl: well, here where we live in public schools, the elementary and middle schools all give Chromebooks.
• 10:30
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 10:30
  Cheryl: So instead of having textbooks, they're all going to Chromebooks.
• 10:34
  Cheryl: So, I mean, everything is working, holding hand in hand to keep our kids online or on screens.
• 10:42
  Cheryl: And then everyone knows the addictive quality of it, that you get used to it.
• 10:48
  Cheryl: All of us have experienced ourselves.
• 10:50
  Cheryl: You get on and then suddenly, uh, you're chasing rabbits as the old saying goes.
• 10:56
  Cheryl: What was it you were telling me?
• 10:57
  Cheryl: There was some.app..
• 10:59
  Cheryl: That one of you was telling me.
• 11:00
  Cheryl: Oh,
• 11:01
  Christie: yeah.
• 11:01
  Christie: One of my girls was telling me about I don't know if it was a feature within Instagram or an extra app that they downloaded, but it will alert you after you've been on.
• 11:12
  Christie: It's different than the screen time alert from your Apple, but it will alert you.
• 11:16
  Christie: It'll say, you know, did you get lost?
• 11:18
  Christie: I think maybe the name I'll have to ask specifically.
• 11:21
  Christie: But if you get on Instagram, say, Oh, I forget the date that they said the sale was I get on their Instagram.
• 11:28
  Christie: Well, then, of course, you're looking at their other products.
• 11:31
  Christie: And then you're thinking, Oh, so and so with that cute dress, I want to go look at their picture again.
• 11:35
  Christie: And then you're just sucked in.
• 11:37
  Christie: But this app is designed to help you if you got distracted, reroute, and then you know, get back on track.
• 11:43
  Christie: Really good.
• 11:44
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:45
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:45
  Christie: Because that's
• 11:45
  ellen: exactly what happens pretty soon.
• 11:46
  ellen: You look up and I've been on for 45 minutes.
• 11:49
  ellen: All I
• 11:50
  Christie: want to do is look at one thing.
• 11:51
  Christie: And you know, it is really good.
• 11:53
  Christie: It's a good thing because It's a way to help us navigate these waters, and I think it's my temptation, I think a lot of people is to think, oh, how sad that we need something like that.
• 12:05
  Christie: Well, it's reality.
• 12:07
  Christie: So we might as well be grateful for the tools that can help us fight the urge to get sucked in.
• 12:12
  Christie: Well, I think
• 12:12
  ellen: I was telling you guys that I, I've, I'm an avid cook.
• 12:16
  ellen: I don't cook as much now, but I mean, that was a hobby for me.
• 12:19
  ellen: So no joke.
• 12:21
  ellen: I have at least 50 cookbooks from around the world, but I never open them anymore.
• 12:26
  ellen: Just go to the
• 12:27
  Christie: internet
• 12:29
  ellen: and just, I'll even just print it out.
• 12:32
  ellen: And now I have all these printouts of recipes, which is like, I'm looking at my cookbooks laughing going.
• 12:37
  ellen: Well, there was more trouble, uh, way through
• 12:40
  Cheryl: the books and if we struggle with this and we grew up in a non tech world, right?
• 12:46
  Cheryl: I really have compassion for the kids for the parents.
• 12:50
  Cheryl: Uh, she's so many stats, two stats that really stuck out to me.
• 12:55
  Cheryl: And one was what percentage of children of a certain age are already introduced to phones?
• 13:02
  Cheryl: Oh,
• 13:02
  Christie: Uhhuh.
• 13:02
  Christie: It was, it was 30%.
• 13:04
  Christie: Yes.
• 13:04
  Christie: Before
• 13:05
  Cheryl: the age of two, under two that they mm-hmm.
• 13:07
  Cheryl: And I would disagree with that.
• 13:10
  Cheryl: this is a United States statistic.
• 13:11
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 13:12
  Cheryl: I.
• 13:13
  Cheryl: I think it's a whole lot more than that.
• 13:15
  Cheryl: I would say double that, already by two.
• 13:19
  Cheryl: And the problem is, it's intentionally created to be addictive.
• 13:23
  Cheryl: Right.
• 13:23
  Cheryl: Not just useful, it's addictive.
• 13:25
  Cheryl: And it's not like it just happens to be addictive.
• 13:29
  Cheryl: Like sugar.
• 13:30
  Cheryl: Everybody loves sugar.
• 13:31
  Cheryl: It's just something about it.
• 13:33
  Cheryl: But it wasn't created and tweaked intentionally, if you will, a little bit like cigarettes.
• 13:41
  Cheryl: You know, cigarette companies paid billions of dollars because they lied and said, No, we didn't know, and we didn't intentionally make them addictive.
• 13:49
  Cheryl: Well, they did.
• 13:50
  Cheryl: Right.
• 13:51
  Cheryl: And they got found out.
• 13:52
  Cheryl: Well, the tech industry is not hiding it.
• 13:54
  Cheryl: They intentionally.
• 13:55
  Cheryl: Well, they spend
• 13:55
  ellen: millions of dollars.
• 13:57
  ellen: To have, well, to have psychologists.
• 13:59
  ellen: Yes.
• 14:00
  ellen: And different people that, uh, doctors with, that work on the brain to go, what will, you know, push the endorphins.
• 14:07
  Christie: Right.
• 14:08
  Christie: In our users.
• 14:08
  Christie: And they found that it will physiologically change.
• 14:13
  Christie: the brain.
• 14:14
  Christie: And so when you think about these brains in the formative years being altered, I mean, we're really getting on the slick slope of the dark sides of all of this and it gets heavy and depressing.
• 14:25
  Christie: And you feel like as a parent, I have nothing but sympathy because I know how tempting it was when my kids were just with the, when my kids were little, just TV.
• 14:35
  Christie: I mean, you know, you just need.
• 14:36
  Christie: Five minutes for a quick shower, or you just need this much time to get dinner started, and it's so tempting to rely on that convenience.
• 14:47
  Cheryl: true.
• 14:48
  Christie: Well,
• 14:49
  Cheryl: what are some habits that you used or you've seen effective or using just to begin as we're trying to reclaim this?
• 14:58
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:58
  Cheryl: because we don't want to be negative in saying, listen to this stat and this stat and this stat.
• 15:03
  Cheryl: Right.
• 15:04
  Cheryl: But it's a reality.
• 15:05
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:05
  Cheryl: And so we're kind of saying, wake up, it's not what it was 10 years ago.
• 15:10
  Cheryl: Right.
• 15:10
  Cheryl: It's a reality.
• 15:12
  Cheryl: And because we're talking to parents with children, it's a huge force in your parenting.
• 15:19
  ellen: The cost has come down on all the devices.
• 15:22
  ellen: Everybody's introduced a lot earlier.
• 15:24
  ellen: I laughed at myself the other day.
• 15:26
  ellen: I had an armful of clean towels.
• 15:29
  ellen: It wasn't in a laundry basket.
• 15:30
  ellen: I had an armful, and my phone binged.
• 15:33
  ellen: And I was like...
• 15:33
  ellen: Oh, oh, oh.
• 15:36
  Christie: Must drop the towels.
• 15:39
  Christie: I finally, no,
• 15:39
  ellen: I'm walking to the...
• 15:40
  ellen: It will wait.
• 15:40
  ellen: Yes, I'm walking to the bedroom to fold them.
• 15:42
  ellen: I'll
• 15:42
  Cheryl: come back and look at them.
• 15:45
  Cheryl: I can see if this is impacting us.
• 15:47
  Cheryl: Right.
• 15:47
  Cheryl: That's what we're saying.
• 15:48
  Cheryl: We have empathy and sympathy, but we're also trying to empower you.
• 15:51
  Cheryl: And they were just
• 15:52
  ellen: trying to sell me some tea.
• 15:53
  Cheryl: But they knew you liked tea.
• 15:54
  Cheryl: It wasn't anybody I even knew.
• 15:56
  Cheryl: Uh huh.
• 15:57
  Cheryl: What are some...
• 15:59
  Cheryl: Uh, ideas that you would throw in that you found effective or you tried and it didn't work?
• 16:03
  Christie: Yeah.
• 16:04
  Christie: Well, I mean, we tried a gamut of things like with TV.
• 16:07
  Christie: We tried TV tickets the kids could earn for TV time or, and this could be applied to all screen time.
• 16:13
  Christie: We did no screens Monday through Friday, only on the weekends.
• 16:16
  Christie: For a while we did TV Tuesdays and, um, you know, we would jump around for methods, different seasons of our lives and kids ages and things like that.
• 16:26
  Christie: And, um, We didn't have TVs in the bedrooms and then that in turn went on to smartphones.
• 16:33
  Christie: well, like I said, it was real messy there for a while because it was just this fun thing for technology.
• 16:38
  Christie: And then once we learned, we were, yeah, yeah, and then we started doing, um, a central charging station for the family at a certain time.
• 16:48
  Christie: And so, yeah, it was messy and clumsy and always evolving.
• 16:53
  Christie: All through my kids ages.
• 16:55
  Cheryl: Well, one of the things, again, when my kids were teens, phones were not the force that they are now.
• 17:02
  Cheryl: And of course, everybody, of course, has their phone on them all the time.
• 17:07
  Cheryl: My problem is, Once they got into their twenties, they were indignant.
• 17:14
  Cheryl: If I would say, let's put our phones up during a meal.
• 17:17
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:17
  Cheryl: because they felt I was being so intrusive and disrespectful and disregarding their independence because I started too late.
• 17:25
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 17:26
  Cheryl: You know?
• 17:26
  Cheryl: Well, we didn't have a choice, right?
• 17:28
  Cheryl: We didn't know.
• 17:28
  Cheryl: Just new.
• 17:29
  Cheryl: I didn't know.
• 17:30
  Cheryl: So one of the things we're saying here is, learn, know, figure out, and I'm giving the teaser here, like they had a teaser for you to buy that tea.
• 17:42
  Cheryl: We have some good practical ways to walk you through some tools to help you figure out what is your philosophy, how you want to practice.
• 17:52
  Cheryl: So keep listening because we don't have time on this episode, but we will do it so you can do as much or as little as you want But
• 18:02
  ellen: you can help your family manage Manage
• 18:05
  Cheryl: it right one of the things that I didn't know to do, but I think is good and this comes from the American pediatric Association, and they say, they say it's a good idea with older but if you have young children, is co viewing.
• 18:22
  Cheryl: Oh, uh huh.
• 18:22
  Cheryl: And so they say, just, that's a policy.
• 18:26
  Cheryl: Right.
• 18:26
  Cheryl: My children are not on the device.
• 18:29
  Cheryl: If we're not co viewing with them and parents, I would recommend that if you have young children now they get up in school and they have to be on their Chromebooks and whatever.
• 18:39
  Cheryl: That's a different issue.
• 18:40
  Cheryl: But recreationally I'd never thought about that.
• 18:43
  Cheryl: And that is one thing I think we probably would have instituted with our young.
• 18:47
  Christie: Well, and that's similar to, you know, what we would do if.
• 18:50
  Christie: A child wanted to watch a movie that was kind of questionable if it was on the line, you know, some things are just not appropriate and we'd say no to, but other things I'd say, well, okay, let's, let's watch it, you know, and we'd watch it together.
• 19:02
  Christie: And then we could talk about what, do you think that was a good thing for us to consume?
• 19:07
  Christie: Maybe not, or,
• 19:08
  Cheryl: Oh, that's so good.
• 19:09
  Cheryl: okay, This, this is in keeping with TPPs philosophy, because we're saying, let's do it together and talk about it.
• 19:16
  Cheryl: Right.
• 19:16
  Cheryl: Whatever it is.
• 19:17
  Christie: And it keeps us from just.
• 19:18
  Christie: from saying no to everything out here That's right.
• 19:20
  Christie: And we have to realize our
• 19:22
  ellen: brains need down time.
• 19:24
  ellen: You know, Cheryl and I were talking about this, I don't know if you did it Christy, but when we were kids we didn't have any devices in the car.
• 19:31
  ellen: So if you went on a long road trip.
• 19:34
  ellen: and you daydreamed about all the things around you.
• 19:36
  ellen: But that's wonderful brain development.
• 19:38
  ellen: Right.
• 19:39
  ellen: Because you're thinking and imagining, you know, it's, I'm not being entertained.
• 19:42
  ellen: I'm using my own mind.
• 19:44
  ellen: Right.
• 19:45
  ellen: To think of things to keep my mind busy.
• 19:47
  ellen: And it's a
• 19:48
  Christie: gift to your kids, like you were saying Cheryl, by 20 you don't really have a whole lot of authority over, I mean gosh, by 17, 18 you're starting to lose that.
• 19:57
  Christie: But I think it's a gift.
• 19:59
  Christie: This is the only time of their lives that you can.
• 20:02
  Christie: Control what they can do with their time and say, no, we're not going to do phones in the car or no, we're not going to do phones at dinner, whatever it looks like for your family, but affording them the time to be bored and daydream and
• 20:16
  Cheryl: It's actually the gift of boredom.
• 20:18
  Cheryl: And we even did an episode on it.
• 20:21
  Cheryl: The truth is, God just created children to be self entertaining.
• 20:26
  Cheryl: Right.
• 20:27
  Cheryl: And if you've ever watched a little child squatting in the dirt and playing with a stick and all of that, as adults we would be really bored really fast.
• 20:35
  Cheryl: But they could watch an ant and do all that sort of thing for hours.
• 20:40
  ellen: right
• 20:41
  Cheryl: Mm hmm.
• 20:41
  Cheryl: And the problem is, any sort of media, Uh, or electronic anything takes away, uh, the self entertaining and becomes entertainment.
• 20:52
  Cheryl: So parents, remember that and as you're beginning to think through, realize there may be a curve where your child is learning to be self entertained.
• 21:04
  Cheryl: You realize, oh, they've been entertained a little too much.
• 21:07
  Cheryl: Well, I was
• 21:07
  Christie: there and I would have been one of the parents pushing back on that saying, I don't agree.
• 21:13
  Christie: Because I you know, when I started Turning the TV off a little more often.
• 21:17
  Christie: I got a lot of kids.
• 21:18
  Christie: I'm bored I don't want to do and throwing tantrums and pushing back on me and and so it doesn't appear that they're self entertaining Until you give them some time to really settle in and start remembering those things about themselves And
• 21:31
  ellen: develop the habit of entertaining themselves
• 21:35
  Cheryl: TV and movies, videos, could not do what modern devices can do in the brain.
• 21:43
  Cheryl: But I remember, Christy, because I may have talked to you about it, but I had, back in the day, had so many parents come and say, We hear what you're talking about, and we understand, and the TV has become our babysitter.
• 21:56
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 21:57
  Cheryl: It's so much easier..
• 21:58
  Cheryl: And then the kids really like it.
• 22:00
  Cheryl: Right.
• 22:00
  Cheryl: So it just makes peace, and it's easier.
• 22:02
  Cheryl: How do we come off of it?
• 22:04
  Cheryl: And so, like what you're saying, they either did it incrementally or went off.
• 22:08
  Cheryl: And they said it was horrible for three days.
• 22:11
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 22:11
  Cheryl: I mean, I can remember three different moms and they had little ones and they said it was terrible the first three days and then they said, we can't believe it.
• 22:20
  Cheryl: Our children are playing more nicely together.
• 22:23
  Cheryl: They're happier.
• 22:24
  Cheryl: They're more content.
• 22:26
  Cheryl: They don't come to me arguing and needing things as much One mom said the whining has gone way down especially if they
• 22:35
  Christie: watched Caillou
• 22:40
  Cheryl: We're just trying to encourage you To decide what you all want to do, and then start reclaiming
• 22:48
  Christie: that territory.
• 22:48
  Christie: Right.
• 22:49
  Christie: And again, we're not saying banish it all.
• 22:51
  Christie: My kids, some of their sweetest memories are watching shows together and, and loving the same movies but it's just taking control.
• 23:00
  Christie: And making tech work for you, not being all consumed.
• 23:04
  Christie: And a cookie
• 23:05
  ellen: doesn't taste as good if you can have two or three cookies a day.
• 23:08
  ellen: Right.
• 23:09
  ellen: If you get a cookie once in a while, it's like, oh, this is so good.
• 23:12
  ellen: Right.
• 23:12
  Christie: That's
• 23:12
  Cheryl: Unless you're addicted to them.
• 23:15
  Cheryl: Unless you're A word is a reality now.
• 23:17
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 23:18
  Cheryl: People throw the word addiction around, like we say, oh, I'm addicted to chocolate.
• 23:22
  Cheryl: I'm not.
• 23:22
  Cheryl: But.
• 23:24
  Cheryl: This is one area that we haven't really touched on that's a serious topic.
• 23:28
  Cheryl: And Ellen, since Mike is a,psychologist, a doctor, he knows so much.
• 23:35
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 23:35
  Cheryl: Would you speak into this a little bit?
• 23:37
  Cheryl: Because I've heard him talk about it and other professionals.
• 23:41
  Cheryl: Talk a little about the reality of media addiction.
• 23:44
  ellen: Well, and we're using it in a...
• 23:47
  ellen: Totally.
• 23:48
  ellen: Scientific, clinical way.
• 23:50
  ellen: Mm hmm.
• 23:51
  ellen: The addiction, whereas you can't help, you have to crave, you need to do whatever it
• 23:57
  Cheryl: is you're addicted to.
• 23:57
  Cheryl: Like alcohol or whatever.
• 23:59
  Cheryl: Seriously.
• 23:59
  Cheryl: It isn't like.
• 24:01
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 24:01
  Cheryl: Oh, I think I want to.
• 24:03
  Cheryl: We just had cookies earlier.
• 24:04
  Cheryl: Right.
• 24:05
  Cheryl: Oh, I want a cookie.
• 24:06
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 24:06
  Cheryl: It's not.
• 24:07
  Cheryl: It is clinical.
• 24:09
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 24:09
  Cheryl: Diagnosis of addiction.
• 24:11
  ellen: Yes.
• 24:12
  ellen: And media addiction is really, really hard right now because I think the, it's like food.
• 24:18
  ellen: With devices, they're so permeate our culture that our kids especially, they have to use them in school.
• 24:25
  ellen: They have to turn them on.
• 24:26
  ellen: They have to communicate that way.
• 24:28
  ellen: It's not like you can take them away.
• 24:30
  Cheryl: In
• 24:30
  ellen: the United States, we do not recognize media as an addiction.
• 24:36
  ellen: Other countries do.
• 24:37
  ellen: For instance, in Asia, and particularly South Korea.
• 24:40
  ellen: Korea, they actually have camps to help the kids withdraw off of media.
• 24:46
  ellen: It's so bad.
• 24:47
  ellen: It is that bad in our country, but since we haven't recognized it as a real addiction, you
• 24:53
  Cheryl: mean by the professionals like the AMA and the APA,
• 24:57
  ellen: okay, because then your insurance doesn't cover anything.
• 25:01
  ellen: So the, the media camps, the withdrawal camps that they have, particularly if you're interested, you can Google that and see what they do in those camps to help the kids and the kids go through withdrawals without any media.
• 25:15
  ellen: Just like opioids.
• 25:16
  ellen: Correct.
• 25:16
  ellen: Exactly.
• 25:17
  ellen: All the same
• 25:18
  Cheryl: effects.
• 25:19
  Cheryl: So it's really.
• 25:20
  Cheryl: A reality.
• 25:20
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 25:21
  Cheryl: And so I would say this like we talk about other things.
• 25:24
  Cheryl: We've talked about depression and some of the other mental health issues and health issues and we always say if you're even concerned that this might be a reality in your life, Or in somebody you love or your children, please reach out.
• 25:43
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 25:43
  Cheryl: this is the place to Google, right?
• 25:45
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 25:45
  Cheryl: To do it seriously, to get some information, talk to a healthcare professional of some sort.
• 25:52
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 25:52
  Cheryl: And follow through with it, because even though it's may not be covered by insurance mm-hmm.
• 25:58
  Cheryl: get some help.
• 25:59
  Cheryl: There are
• 25:59
  ellen: treatments out there for you.
• 26:00
  ellen: Sure.
• 26:01
  Christie: Well, and there's tools too.
• 26:02
  Christie: My, some of my girls have felt signs of addiction in their lives.
• 26:09
  Christie: And I, I know on the Apple settings you can actually change your screen to black and white, because the colors over stimulating it adds to the addiction, and these are your
• 26:19
  Cheryl: kids,
• 26:20
  Christie: young adults, 17, 21 year olds.
• 26:23
  Christie: Yeah, Um, one of mine has actually purchased one of the light phones.
• 26:27
  Christie: Have you heard of those where they're a little bit like a Kindle where it's the, um, no backlight and those can be less stimulating too.
• 26:35
  Christie: And so there are lots of resources, which only backs up the truth that this is a real problem that people are trying to
• 26:41
  Cheryl: fight.
• 26:43
  Cheryl: So it's a serious problem, but it's also, a manageable problem.
• 26:49
  Cheryl: We can do it, but it's going to take education, commitment, and, and we want to be with you parents.
• 26:55
  Cheryl: We want to walk through this with you and encourage you and empower you.
• 26:59
  Cheryl: So, we just began scratching the surface, let's come back again and we're going to try and get even more practical.
• 27:07
  Cheryl: So that we can equip you with some tools for you to use to say, this is how we can walk through this as parents, equipping our children, and navigate this ever increasing world of electronics and devices.
• 27:24
  Cheryl: Okay?
• 27:25
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 27:25
  Christie: It can feel overwhelming, but it's worth the fight.
• 27:28
  Christie: It
• 27:28
  Cheryl: absolutely is.
• 27:30
  Cheryl: Remember, parents, hang in there.
• 27:33
  Cheryl: Keep loving.
• 27:34
  Cheryl: Keep persevering, even with all of this, because it's worth it.
• 27:46
  As we finish up today's episode, parents, I hope you're feeling more empowered to tackle the digital challenges of modern parenting head on.
• 27:56
  It's not about giving in to the overwhelming world of technology.
• 28:01
  It's about embracing your role as a media mentor.
• 28:06
  We've delved into some real concerns, from brain overstimulation to relationship struggles.
• 28:13
  However, it's clear with your active involvement, technology can enhance family connections instead of hindering them.
• 28:23
  But this is just the beginning of our journey.
• 28:25
  In our next episode, we'll dive even deeper, offering practical strategies for crafting a family media plan that suits your unique needs.
• 28:37
  If you have any questions or thoughts to share, don't hesitate to reach out to us on our website.
• 28:42
  Through social media or email us at contact@theparentingpodcast.com.
• 28:49
  Oh, and in case you missed it, our previous episode number 44 delves into that intriguing topic of the case for boredom.
• 28:59
  Remember, you're not alone in this.
• 29:02
  You are a valued member of the T P P community.
• 29:06
  We want to equip you with the tools and confidence to navigate this ever evolving digital landscape successfully as together we continue our journey towards empowerment, equipping, and hope.