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How Do We Deal with Negative People without Feeling Burned Out? · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I just want to say thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: So something that I wanted to talk about today is how do we deal with negative people without feeling burnt out?
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: So this is actually something that's near and dear to me because it's been coming up a little bit more in my own personal world, just in terms of, you know, learning how to deal with people who might have a negative mindset and not allowing it to totally drag us down.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: When we think about it, you know, how often do you find yourself dreading certain conversations with people or dreading spending time with certain people?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: For instance, maybe an old friend or maybe a family member, like an in-law, where you're just you feel depleted afterwards.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because some people do have this sense of negative energy that comes with them that just makes it very difficult to maintain that relationship.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are a highly sensitive person, I happen to be, we end up leaving those conversations feeling extraordinarily depleted.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: What we learn is that negative people do find a way to spin every situation or most, I shouldn't say every, most situations, conversations, experiences into a negative direction.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's just when they come to a situation, their negativity bias is quite high that they they spin it into what's wrong with the situation versus looking for that one right thing.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that negativity can truly wear us down.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: It starts to affect our mood and our emotional well-being.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: So here are some ways that negative people might drain you.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, first of all, I mentioned this already.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Negative people have a way of exhausting us.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Every interaction with a negative person can actually cause us to feel depleted and overwhelmed.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that and their persistent anger or passive aggressiveness or prolonged frustration can actually start to leave you feeling stressed out and emotionally drained.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what we also, if we step back into observer mode and we're we're looking at those conversations with negatively negative people or people who tend to be of the negative mindset, a lot of times it appears that they're always the ones who are suffering, meaning that they're they're the victim of every situation.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and every conversation is about complaints and it's like almost like a component of the conversation.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: So for example, a negative friend or family member or coworker will never accept responsibility for a situation, but rather it's someone else's fault, or if they're in relationship with you, maybe they're putting it on you as the one to feel guilty or at fault for something.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, negative people have a hard time respecting boundaries.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you might find that when you do attempt to set boundaries with somebody, the negative person will actually try to make you feel bad about it, or somehow try to guilt you, or even some people will go as far as shaming you for having that boundary and almost putting it on you as that you're responsible for their feelings.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, negative people have a tendency to um bring out the worst in us because what happens is is is they're spewing this negative energy, and then without realizing what's happening, our emotional center gets depleted, our that emotional energy we have starts to become um more negative, and so we end up losing a little bit of our own control over our own thoughts and reactions to it.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you tell a negative person from somebody who might just be having a bad day, for instance?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the thing we're not all happy all the time, of course.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we we all have those moments.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not saying that, you know, I'm not calling somebody who's having a bad day is just a negative person in general, because we all have those days.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: But the people who are constantly offended or constantly judgmental or constantly needy, or they're the ones who you maybe you hang out with and you notice that maybe they're not very respectful of, let's say you're at a restaurant and they're not very respectful of the wait staff, for instance, they those are the people that we're talking about.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Those are people who tend to be of the negative mindset most often.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um when somebody's having a bad day, they might be withdrawn for that day.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: But somebody who is routinely withdrawing from you, you know, those are some things to kind of be aware of.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: So, what are some other warning signs that someone might be negative?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they try to bring you down with them.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: They don't know how to handle criticism.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: They tend to have that all or nothing type of thinking, you know, or or what we would refer to as catastrophic thinking.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, they tend to be quick to judge everyone else and everything else.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and their outlook tends to be more pessimistic versus optimistic.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: And ultimately, and I mentioned this before, you feel drained afterwards.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: They're energy suckers.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do we deal with them?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: How do we deal with somebody who tends to be a negative person?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not saying we just have to cut all negative people out of our lives because, you know, we part of being human is coming up with ways to manage those relationships because we are relational beings.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: But one of the things that we do is we don't argue with them, right?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about if somebody is in a negative mindset, it's not about our, it's not our responsibility, or we should not take ownership of trying to change someone else.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: They have to want to change themselves, right?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: So arguing with a negative person, generally speaking, you're not going to change their opinion about something.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes it's important that, yes, you know, I'm not saying don't share your opinion, but don't get into an argument over it because there's no point in bringing yourself down or burning out trying to prove your point.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Share your opinion and then allow some space.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Avoid the blame game.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And what this really comes down to is setting boundaries around what's acceptable and what's not in your communication with that person.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Negative people will often draw you into their spiral or into their blame situation.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And when it happens, it's you know, setting up boundaries, and maybe there are boundaries that you set for yourself is how much time are you going to spend with this person?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And you you hold yourself accountable to that.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Also being calm and secure in your responses.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: What this really entails is for you to be very mindful and in the present moment.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, honestly, when somebody who tends to be a negative person comes to you with a situation, they're really not seeking advice.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: They really just want to rant.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so sometimes it's about, you know, allowing them to say what they need to say, but not engaging or overly engaging with what they're what they're sharing.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, like for instance, if your toxic boss starts to fume because the job is never done uh exactly as they they expected, it's it's not taking it personally and not trying to defend yourself with them.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, because what ends up happening is sometimes you end up leading to your own self-doubt that way.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: It is important to empathize when you can, right?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Empathy is different than taking responsibility for.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: So you can absolutely empathize with the person and recognize that this person is going through something.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you listen attentively.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't about ignoring that person, but it's again, this goes back to boundaries too.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's setting that boundary of you can be empathetic, but you're not going to take it on as your own.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: You demonstrate that empathy, you listen to that person, but you allow that person to be responsible for whatever it is that they're feeling.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, don't let yourself be cornered by their negativity.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: The significant amount of distress in relationships with negative people come from our reluctance to say no while staying calm.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it's about allowing them to be negative, but a not but not allowing that to draw you in.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: You listen to them, you have empathy for them, but maybe you limit the amount of advice that you give, or if you give it, to give it without attachment.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, don't have an attachment to whether or not they're gonna take your advice because what we don't want to do is be so attached to them doing something that then their negativity starts to bleed into your own energy space.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships should honestly bring us that sense of joy and fulfillment and feeling appreciated and some security.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: They should bring out our best as well as the other person's best.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And truthfully, both people should be growing in a relationship.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: However, sometimes when we're dealing with somebody who is who tends to be overly negative, it's difficult to necessarily have that dynamic.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times we end up feeling, like I said at the beginning, drained or just stressed or overwhelmed.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: So having an eye a plan and learning to deal with negative people, and this really does come down to having really good boundaries with them as well as with yourself, allows you to still be in relationship, but with in relationship that you're aware of rather than just allowing it to overtake you.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Coaching actually helps in terms of how we can deal with relationships.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of what I talk with my clients about is around boundaries and then relationship boundaries at that.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: So if you ever feel that it would be beneficial to have a conversation with me, feel free to reach out at any time at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay well.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.