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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: The Gift Of Solitude — If You Choose To See It That Way · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, Emily Abadi here you are listening to five
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Minute Friday from Hurdle. It feels so nice that it
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: is finally sticking with spring in New York. I feel
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: like everyone I come across is in an instant better mood,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: instantly better mood since the weather has made a turn
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: for the better over here, and oh my god, it's
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: just everything we've been waiting for.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Everything.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: It's also that time of year when the after dinner walk,
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: as I will call it, is back in my regular routine.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: So now that it is beauty full outside, there is
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: nothing I love more than walking around the neighborhood for
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  Speaker 1: forty five to sixty minutes and then maybe stopping in
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  Speaker 1: a park and reading if it's light enough for long
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: enough at that time, or then coming back and sitting
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  Speaker 1: outside at my.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Building and reading.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: It just feels like there is a distinct amount of
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  Speaker 1: time that I didn't have before because it's lighter out
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: for longer, and the weather is nicer, and there's just
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: more time for me to reclaim for myself. And last night,
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  Speaker 1: as I was sitting and reading, I was thinking about
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  Speaker 1: how this is a behavior that younger me would be
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  Speaker 1: anxious about. I used to feel as though when I
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: was doing something on my own, that maybe I was
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  Speaker 1: doing something wrong. And I hear myself say that out
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: loud now, and it is It's comical, right, because there
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: is so much beauty in having that solo time, in
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: reclaiming your solo moments. But when I was younger, if
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: I wasn't out grabbing drinks with a friend or meeting
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  Speaker 1: someone for a workout, or going to dinner or going
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  Speaker 1: to a work event, and I just had a dead night,
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  Speaker 1: a low key night, I would think to myself, well,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: aren't you the loser? And that is not how I
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: feel anymore now as I approach my late thirties.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I can't believe I just said that out loud.
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  Speaker 1: I feel so grateful that I am in a place
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  Speaker 1: now where spending time on my own feels like a
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  Speaker 1: gift to not just the time that I spend working
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  Speaker 1: as many of us do on our own at home,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: but as a single woman at the stage in my life,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: it is a gift to not only have the opportunity
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  Speaker 1: to get to know myself better, but also enjoy it.
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  Speaker 1: I often get questions, how did you get good, so
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  Speaker 1: to speak, with spending time on your own. And it's
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  Speaker 1: really just the same as strength training. You have to
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: put in reps and you don't want to take on
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  Speaker 1: too much too soon. So if you're someone that doesn't
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: typically go out into the world and do things solo,
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: start small. Start with going to a park and reading
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  Speaker 1: for twenty minutes, maybe once or twice a week, and
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  Speaker 1: as that becomes an activity that starts to become more attainable,
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  Speaker 1: more doable, then perhaps try going out to dinner on
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: your own or checking out a new exhibit on your own.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: And although it might not feel again I'm going to
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: say this, it might not feel normal in quotes at first,
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  Speaker 1: I promise you that when you start to do things
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  Speaker 1: on your own schedule instead of waiting for someone else,
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  Speaker 1: whether we're talking about romantically, or friends or what have you,
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  Speaker 1: there's some real power in that. And what is a
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  Speaker 1: byproduct of doing things on your own, Like I said before,
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: you get to know yourself better and also you get
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: to work on that relationship with yourself. Again, going back
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  Speaker 1: to equating it to strength training to working out, how
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  Speaker 1: does a muscle strengthen you give it something to push
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  Speaker 1: up against? How does your relationship with your self strengthen
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  Speaker 1: you give it something to push up against, you put
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: in the reps of spending time with you.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Yourself and I.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: My question for you this week, how are you spending
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: time with yourself over the next week maybe two weeks?
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  Speaker 1: What can you set aside and be intentional about giving
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: back to yourself? Remember also that beyond the benefit of
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: indulging in this experience for yourself is that once you
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: put your own oxygen mask on first, you can then
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: show up better for yourself.
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  Speaker 2: And for the people that you love.
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  Speaker 1: So again, what are you going to do you, yourself
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  Speaker 1: and I over the next next week or two? And
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: now a listener question, Hi, Emily, do you happen to
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  Speaker 1: have any podcast or book recommendations or advice for making
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: friends in your thirties? Have you made a podcast about
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  Speaker 1: this before? I'm struggling to make some solid girlfriends at
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  Speaker 1: thirty one years old outside of people from work, and
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: I'm yearning for some solid friends that want to hang out, chop,
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  Speaker 1: do something active, et cetera. I feel like no one
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  Speaker 1: preps you for this as you get older, and I've
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  Speaker 1: been feeling inspired by your series where you try something
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  Speaker 1: new every week. Thanks in advance, Amanda. Okay, Amanda. First
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  Speaker 1: of all, you are not alone in this, and it's
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  Speaker 1: kind of ironic that I'm answering this question after speaking
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  Speaker 1: about the importance of doing things on your own.
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  Speaker 2: Both can be valid.
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  Speaker 1: I want to start by saying that you can want
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  Speaker 1: to get better at doing things on your own and
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  Speaker 1: also desire a group of close friends. What I have
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  Speaker 1: found as I get older is that I personally have
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: like separate, very good relationships all of my people, most
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: of them know each other, but I wouldn't say I
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  Speaker 1: have like a sex in the City Carrie bradshawum Ran,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Samantha Charlotte kind of thing going on here. I did
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: record on this with Christina Rudolfo, a friend of mine
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  Speaker 1: and a beauty content creator, a few years back, so
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  Speaker 1: I'll link that episode in the show notes. And while
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  Speaker 1: I don't have other podcaster book recommendations that tie in
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  Speaker 1: with this topic, I will say that I do have
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  Speaker 1: some best practice advice. My first tip for making new
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  Speaker 1: friends as an adult is, if you're going to go
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  Speaker 1: somewhere hoping to meet people, you have to be where
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  Speaker 1: your feed are. So that means that if you're going
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  Speaker 1: to explore something like going to a pottery studio, or
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  Speaker 1: trying out a run club, or even going to read
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  Speaker 1: a book on your own at a bar. There are
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: now bars in New York where people go with the
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  Speaker 1: intention of going there to read, so you have a
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  Speaker 1: mutual interest there. That's if you're going there, be present there.
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  Speaker 1: So don't show up at this activity and be staring
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  Speaker 1: at your phone the whole time. That isn't how you
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  Speaker 1: put off the vibes that you want to open up
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  Speaker 1: your circle, right, So, if you're going to go somewhere
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  Speaker 1: with the intention, the hope, the goal of meeting new people,
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  Speaker 1: be all in. My next recommendation is in sync with that,
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  Speaker 1: do something that interests you and meet people that have
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  Speaker 1: like minded interests. So yes, the try one new thing
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  Speaker 1: a week thing is fun, But oftentimes I'm doing things
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  Speaker 1: that I wouldn't normally regularly do. Although I might make
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: a friend at the jazz bar when I go to
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: the jazz bar for the first time, I'm not like
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  Speaker 1: the most into jazz person ever, with all due respect,
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  Speaker 1: so I may be more likely to meet someone that
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  Speaker 1: I'm compatible with doing an active activity that I would revisit.
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  Speaker 1: I remember a few years back I got really into
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  Speaker 1: rock climbing and bouldering, and so I start already going bouldering.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: I met other women.
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  Speaker 1: At that climbing gym and then we all met up
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  Speaker 1: once a week to delay one another, and that was
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: such a fun chapter for me. Now my long nails
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  Speaker 1: would never allow it, but that is a story for
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  Speaker 1: another day. So find an activity that you are interested in,
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  Speaker 1: cater to that interest, and open yourself up to meeting
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  Speaker 1: other people in that environment that share your same interest.
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  Speaker 2: The last thing I will.
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  Speaker 1: Say is that you have to be open to getting
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  Speaker 1: comfortable with the uncomfortable, putting yourself out there talking to
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  Speaker 1: someone new.
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  Speaker 2: It might not be something that feels easy for you.
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  Speaker 1: It's not even something that feels easy for me, and
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  Speaker 1: I would like to classify myself as a pretty extroverted person.
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  Speaker 2: We hear it often. Rejection is redirection.
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  Speaker 1: If there's someone that entices you, someone that you feel
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  Speaker 1: like you could vibe with, and they don't share that
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: same sentiment, let it go. You don't want to force it.
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  Speaker 1: We want aligned relationships, We want good and energy. Life
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: is too short. Do not force a square peg into
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  Speaker 1: a round hole. Be willing to get uncomfortable, try something
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  Speaker 1: that excites you, and look for like minded people at
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  Speaker 1: that activity and be where your feet are when it
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  Speaker 1: comes to getting in the mix.
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  Speaker 2: I hope that these tips help.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: As always, hunting your listener questions, would love to answer
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: it on an upcoming episode of Five Minute Friday here
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: on Hurdle.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: You can email them over.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: To Hello at hurdle dot us or hit the DMS
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: hurdles over on social at Hurdle podcast and I'm over
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: at Emily a body with that.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: Get outside.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: It's beautiful out there. Another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: next time