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Beek on being BESTIES · Beek on being

• 0:00
  Melissa Shere Beek: Hi! I hope you are well. This podcast is a place for people to share personal and professional perspectives, talk openly, and ask questions. From serious to silly to sublime, it's all about communication and connections. Always coming from a place of kindness and curiosity, we talk about shared humanity, discuss ideas, and highlight people creating a better world.
• 0:23
  We've got to keep learning, keep growing, keep being. I'm Melissa Beek and this is Beek on Being. Today's episode is Beek on Being besties. Are my children hysterical?
• 0:38
  Remi Bella Beek: I got the giggles .
• 0:39
  She's making me laugh.
• 0:45
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I can’t look at her.
• 0:49
  Melissa Shere Beek: Okay. This is definitely going in my blooper reel.
• 0:55
  About because I was so in awe and so inspired by my daughters and their friend groups that I have watched developed over the decades. It's not just the unconditional love and support and trust, their dynamic is really so much more than that. There is no topic taboo, no discussion too deep, no conversation they haven't covered collectively. They cheer each other on, work together to process information, have lots of advice, encouragement and support and love to give. It's twenty fourseven and it's traveling the globe to be there for all the big and little moments in each other's lives.
• 1:28
  Each individual's success is a genuine win for them all and every falter stings less because they are there to lift one another back up. To me, it is a rare and beautiful blessing. So what is it about having these selected friendships, these chosen relationships, not the ones that you're born into or have romantically, that is so extraordinary and so exceptionally excellent for you? Why is it so important and downright necessary for our well-being to have these deep, meaningful friendships? For our Galentine's Day gift, we are honoring important friendships.
• 2:01
  Today, I have my two inspirations here to discuss it all about the importance of hips. My daughters, Mollie Dixie Beek and Remi Bella Beek. Yay.
• 2:12
  Hi, guys.
• 2:14
  Girls, please tell our listeners a little bit about yourselves.
• 2:19
  Remi Bella Beek: Older sister first.
• 2:21
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I'm Mollie. I'm the older sister. I live in New York City, and I'm a teacher.
• 2:31
  Remi Bella Beek: Okay. I'm Remi, I'm the younger sister. I also live in New York City and I'm also a teacher. I'm a sex educator.
• 2:40
  Melissa Shere Beek: Yay. Alright. Before we get into the other friendships, I wanted to touch on your relationship with each other because you're very close in age and you've shared most, if not all, of your developmental stage experiences with each other. And you share common core values. So how do you girls define your relationship as sisters?
• 3:02
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I think for me, I saw Remi as a younger sister for a while when we were growing up and like more of a playmate because the two year difference was more obvious when I was younger And then it wasn't until high school when we I started to see us as peers when we go to the same parties or our friend groups would overlap. And I was like, oh, this isn't like Remy as my sister at this party. Remy's here because her friends are also here. And then it changed for me to be like, oh, well, developmentally, we're at the same place now.
• 3:42
  Remi Bella Beek: I think because it was different. Like, as younger sister, I always felt like I was involved in, like, older sister things, like being part of your friends and stuff. I think throughout time, like, first, we were just annoying sisters with each other, and then, like, you went away to college, and that was weird to, like, figure out the gap of, like, okay. Now there's distance, and we kinda have to work towards staying sick connected. And then when I also went to college, that same dynamic.
• 4:09
  So I think that was a process of, like, us individually finding ourselves in our timelines and then figuring out ways to stay connected. And then, obviously, it made it easier when you came to New York. And we lived together just now. We're living in New York, so it's easier. But I think it took time, a lot of time, and a lot of, like, both of us figuring our own stuff out.
• 4:34
  Melissa Shere Beek: Yeah. What's the difference between oh, go ahead.
• 4:37
  Mollie Dixie Beek: No. I just want to agree with that.
• 4:39
  Melissa Shere Beek: Oh, okay. What's the difference between being sisters and your other friendships?
• 4:46
  Remi Bella Beek: I think there's kind of, at least for me, like an inherent and this is because we were raised like this with our family values of just, like, there's an importance on family. So at least in my perspective, it's like even if I don't see her all the time or we're not always talking, like, every twenty four seven, it's kind of like, I'm fine dropping everything and frowning toward her, and we have an understanding of each other that's different than, like, our friends, how we understand, like, how I understand my friends. Yeah. I think that's there's always gonna be something we know about each other that no one else does.
• 5:25
  Mollie Dixie Beek: And I think for me, not everyone gets along with their sibling as a friend. Like, there are some people who have, like, really big age gaps between their siblings or they're they just are very different as people. And I think for me, it's like worked out really well. People will comment when I tell people, oh, I live with my sister. They'll be like, oh, it's nice that you're actually friends with your sister.
• 5:46
  And for me, I'm like, well, I don't really know any different. Like, know that there are people who don't have that. So for me, that's just a given. But I think in terms of my friendships, kind of this set the standard of like closeness. Because like my friends that I'm closest with, I'll be like, you're like a sister to me or you're like a sibling to me.
• 6:07
  And in my mind, that means like, we can just like, I don't have to put on certain airs if something's bothering me. I can just like name it. We can like hit it head on. Whereas with a friend who I'm not as close with, I might like skirt around the issue or like use euphemisms or or just maybe like avoid or not want to tackle something. So I think they if a if a friend's like a sister, that means like there's a a level of like honesty that's not there in other relationships.
• 6:37
  Remi Bella Beek: I would actually
• 6:38
  Sonia: gonna ask
• 6:38
  Remi Bella Beek: you that. Too. Like, trusting with certain knowledge, you know, being like, okay. Only you guys and my sister know this, you know, about me.
• 6:48
  Mollie Dixie Beek: It's kind of like, if you tell me something, I'm gonna tell Remi. So it's kind of like the sister privilege. I'm like, well, yeah, won't tell anyone except Remi.
• 6:56
  Remi Bella Beek: Right.
• 6:56
  Melissa Shere Beek: No one knows, just my sister. Exactly. I like it. And how does your sisterhood affect your friendships affect each other?
• 7:08
  Mollie Dixie Beek: My friends love Remi.
• 7:11
  Melissa Shere Beek: What did you say babe?
• 7:12
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I said my friends love Remi, like, love Remi. When she comes around. They love when she comes to the parties, when she just was at my best friend's wedding this summer. So, like, they love Remi.
• 7:24
  Melissa Shere Beek: And, Remi, what do your friends think of Dixie?
• 7:30
  Remi Bella Beek: I think they love well, no. Sorry. I'm trying to phrase it. It's different, though, because it's like, as younger sister, I was included into hanging out with the older kids. You know?
• 7:40
  Whereas, like, I feel like at least growing up, you weren't as inclined to hang out with, like, the younger kids. So it's like a different access to each other's friend group. And, of course, like you said, there's overlap. And, like, I think a lot of the reasons that not to, like like, whatever, but, like, that your friends love me is because I showed up in college. I would visit you.
• 8:01
  I was in high school. I was going where it wasn't, like, the same dynamic. But, no, my friends love you. They always talk about you, but it's like it's like a different kind of way to see each other, and, like, they could see her as another version of an older sister. Like, oh, she does this x y z.
• 8:18
  And that even lasts now even though the age gap is small. But if I'm like, oh, my sister did XYZ, they're like, oh, that's so cool. She's doing that. Something like that. So it's kind of like still that admirable older sister thing, even though the age gap is not as extreme.
• 8:36
  Melissa Shere Beek: And when did you girls realize you were friends? Other than sisters, but realize you were like friends.
• 8:45
  Mollie Dixie Beek: For me, it happened in high school when we were at the same parties.
• 8:57
  Remi Bella Beek: I don't know if there was a moment that I was like, okay. We're friends. But I think, like I said, like, once we got away from school and became our own people and realized that we have to make time for each other, we have to find our own connections, that that all contributed to it.
• 9:19
  Melissa Shere Beek: Flowed together.
• 9:42
  You kept collecting. Remarkably, most of you all live now in the same city or train right away but some of those friends connect only through you introducing them but they all now connect with each other. I think of these friendships as lifetime loves, the deepest chosen connections regardless of significant others and birth family. These are the lifers. What does friendship mean to you guys?
• 10:12
  Remi Bella Beek: You can start.
• 10:17
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I think for me, friendship is the best thing in life. It is something that gives me so much meaning and joy and enrichment in addition to support, but it's just a source of humor and fun. And it's really like what life is all about for me is that all I really wanna be doing is hanging out with my friends. I know we always joke about that, that every trip I go on with my friends, I'm like the most excited when we have no plans and we have a massive house we can all be in together. Because I'm like, that's all I wanna be doing is just like laughing at our same jokes, singing our same weird songs, and just being in a pool together.
• 11:03
  Right.
• 11:04
  Remi Bella Beek: You do that well. I agree. I think that the quality time aspect is super important. And how, like, I view friendships outside of anything else is, like, we like, each person is like the center of their own universe, and they have like all the things orbiting them like planets. Right?
• 11:22
  So it's like you can have work, you can have hobbies, you can have family, friendships, other like romantic relationships, anything else that's important to you. It's part of your life, but it's not like there's not one thing that's more important than the other. It's just, like, the value you put into it and how you put effort into it. So I feel like friendship to me similarly is super important, but that's separate from other things in my life. Quality time, I think they give me I think they help me figure out myself, like, over time.
• 11:56
  They're also, like, mirrors reflecting different parts of you. Right? So, like, they help bring out different elements of you. And I've noticed that in my friendships. I've just we've grown individually and, like, together and how they've helped bring things out of me or expose me to new ideas or things and just, like, ultimately, it's the quality time we have together because that brings up so much more joy and like, kind of like the deeper parts of ourselves too.
• 12:25
  Melissa Shere Beek: Cool. Has the definition of friendship changed during the different stages of your lives?
• 12:32
  Remi Bella Beek: Absolutely. I think when I look back at it, I think, like, kid version of me, like, middle school and all that, had a hard time finding friends and, like, figuring out what friendship meant, and it kind of felt a little bit more superficial. And then as I got older, maybe, like, as you're growing and life is more serious, like high school and college, you're figuring out yourself and your interest. I think friendships got more meaningful to me. And those are the people that they're not just who you have fun with at school, but they're the ones you can trust, you go to with the problem.
• 13:06
  Melissa Shere Beek: Something deeper.
• 13:06
  Remi Bella Beek: Bounce ideas off of whether that's because of their profession or because of, like, who they are as a person. So, yeah, I became a deeper like, these are the chosen people I trust in my life. It's like I need support or something.
• 13:23
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I think for me, it was less about the idea of friendship and more about, like, how comfortable am I with myself and how honest am I being? Because I think you attract what you put out there, like what you're presenting. And I think the times that I've felt more insecure or more unsure of myself, I don't think I am thinking when I'm younger, like I don't think those friendships were as solid, and I think part of that was because I wasn't fully feeling like myself. And so I feel like the more Authenticity. Yeah.
• 14:02
  The more authentic I've I and that's like, that's not easy. Right? Like, it's not simple to just be authentic. That requires a lot of growth and reflection. But I think, like, the more the older I've gotten, the more I've done it.
• 14:17
  And then the deeper the friendships have gotten. But I don't think that's like I think yeah. I think that's more indicative about, like, internal work than, like, friendship. I think you can still have a really deep friendship at eight years old if you're just, like, being who you are and, like, feeling big feelings together. I don't think I was doing that at eight years old though.
• 14:40
  Melissa Shere Beek: True. Why is it so important to have these relationships outside of your significant others or relatives?
• 14:50
  Remi Bella Beek: I think, like I said, like, different things in your life give you different feelings and different sources of energy. Right? So it's like your friends are gonna be there more or less for, like, your entire lifetime. Like, they're not your family. They're not, like, people that, like, built you up, and they're your friends are seeing you in all these different life stages or, like, different moments, whether they're, like, long term or short short term.
• 15:15
  And so I think they give you another version of yourself. I don't think it's, again, like more or less than a romantic relationship or a family relationship. It's just a different side of who you are.
• 15:26
  Melissa Shere Beek: Perspective.
• 15:27
  Remi Bella Beek: And they kind of last usually throughout seasons. And they could be honest with you and support you in different ways.
• 15:37
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Yeah, think you can find friendships anywhere, so if you're lucky to have a friendship with a sibling like I have with Remy, that's awesome.
• 15:45
  Melissa Shere Beek: For the friendships that I'm referring to that I know that I've watched you guys develop over the decades, did it feel effortless establishing those friendships for you guys?
• 15:55
  Remi Bella Beek: Well, one of them, we didn't think we'd be friends. We both looked at each other and said, you're weird, and just didn't think we'd ever be friends. So I think I don't know if I would say yes or no to effortless, but I think when you're in the moment, you're not thinking about friendship long term. Because now that friend who's weird and I'm weird, it's been twenty years. Right?
• 16:19
  So it's like, we don't think about the effort where we're putting in at the time. At least for me, I'm thinking of, like, in the moment in time, who am I connecting with? Who am I talking to? Who am I hanging out with? And then the fact that
• 16:33
  Melissa Shere Beek: You're present.
• 16:33
  Remi Bella Beek: We need to choose each other and be present for each other time and time again, then it feels effortless. You know? And, you know, even going to college or being in different cities, like, if those don't become barriers, and even those are difficult sometimes, then it can be effortless. But I feel like that's not even what we're thinking sometimes. It's just how it happens.
• 17:01
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Think for me it was actually different. I felt in middle school and high school like I had friends, but I didn't have a friend group. I always felt kind of like tangential to different groups. Like I was invited to things, but I never felt like I was the core member of a friend group. And I noticed that like Remy had a really big friend group and and was like kind of central to it, even if you could say there was like a center.
• 17:24
  But I felt kind of insecure about like finding my place in a group setting, and I felt more confident in one on ones. Like I had one on ones with like a lot of people where we had our own dynamic, but in a group it wasn't there. And I remember when I got to college, I remember I was when I started hanging out with my friend group, you know, we all live together. That's how we started hanging out. And I was like, I'm just going to try and establish one on ones with everybody and see if I vibe.
• 17:53
  And I, I, because that's how I felt most comfortable. And it didn't occur to me till later that someone was like, you're kind of the linchpin of this friend group. Like everyone has a good relationship with you. And I was like, oh my gosh, like, I guess I I didn't see my it was like someone else saw me as central to the group. Connective
• 18:13
  Remi Bella Beek: tissues. Yeah.
• 18:14
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Me trying to make connections with people.
• 18:19
  Remi Bella Beek: I think that's how I feel now of just, like, I've kept up with different people and then just seeing, like, oh, you two might get along for x y z reason, and there's no reason to have barriers between friend groups. So then it just kind of became that way, that we all enjoy each other's company.
• 18:37
  Melissa Shere Beek: What's the most important quality or value you look for in a friend or friendship?
• 18:43
  Mollie Dixie Beek: You've got to be a weirdo. You've be a little weird. You gotta have some humor. You have to be playful.
• 18:55
  Melissa Shere Beek: I like that.
• 18:55
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I just wanna, like, crack jokes and maybe just, like, say like, just, like, be myself. Like, I know I'm myself with somebody. I can, like, meow in front of them. I'm really embarrassed to admit that. But, like, if it slips out, that means we're close, and I'm, like, comfortable.
• 19:13
  Just like a cat. Just like a cat.
• 19:17
  Melissa Shere Beek: I love it.
• 19:21
  Remi Bella Beek: I'm trying to describe it. I think the word you said earlier, Dixie authenticity, I think that's what it is, which is also what you're, like, referring to. It's like if you can be your, full self in front of someone, I think that's good. I think for a while, there was a lot of fakeness in friendships, and I don't know if that was because of age and people just feeling insecure about themselves, but that's the thing I think I've come back to over time is that, like, I just don't have time if people are gonna be fake about who they are or who they show up as in the friendship. It's yeah.
• 20:01
  It's when you're, like, real to who you are. And that doesn't mean you have to know yourself automatically. It takes time. But just being get yourself in front And of
• 20:12
  Melissa Shere Beek: what's the key to maintaining these friendships?
• 20:16
  Remi Bella Beek: I'm a big, like, show up person that could be physically, but obviously that's not always possible if you live in different places. But even still, like, I know Dixie and I both do that. We'll get on a plane or a train or something and show up for friends, for, like, whatever is important for them. So for me, like, I express my, like, love and value for friends by, like, showing up for them either physically or, like, if I can't go physically, I'll write them a note. I'll call them.
• 20:48
  I'll check-in with them, you know, just being like, you are on my mind.
• 20:53
  Melissa Shere Beek: Yeah. Touching base.
• 20:56
  Remi Bella Beek: Yeah.
• 20:57
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Yeah. Remi’s really good about that, and it's honestly something I struggle with, especially because I went to school with all my friends that were still and they're my best friends. So I wasn't used to communicating with them except by like talking face to face. Like I didn't really have texting relationships with anyone in college because I didn't need to. Would just be like, oh, I have to tell someone so this story later.
• 21:20
  And then I'd go find them, which was really beautiful. And so it's been hard to keep up with someone. Feel like I don't know the day to day of a lot of my friends who are, who don't live in the city. And that makes me sad because I feel like there's these gaps and it's, it's just like really hard to do, especially when there's so much going on in life. So yeah, that's something I feel like is challenging about friendship is how do you keep up with someone?
• 21:54
  Melissa Shere Beek: When you do touch base with them, do you feel that that gap closes? Yeah. Like no time has passed?
• 22:00
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Yeah, like we can gap on the phone for hours. It's not the same and it makes that's why I felt like college was just this golden bubble for a bit because and I didn't realize it at the time, but we're gonna be with each other on top of each other, living together. And that doesn't happen unless you live in the same place or a roommate. Right. But, yeah, I feel like when we catch up and see each other in person, it's great.
• 22:28
  But there is something about, like, the day to day that's missing.
• 22:34
  Melissa Shere Beek: Right.
• 22:35
  Remi Bella Beek: Yeah. And that was the hardest gap. Oh, sorry. Between, like Go ahead. College friends and then graduating and figuring out how do you stay connected to those people that you were literally living with and knew every single detail about their daily life.
• 22:50
  I think that Right. Was a struggle for me for a bit of, like, it felt like a loss in a way or a disconnect and having to kind of rebuild that connection with people in other ways and felt like, okay. If I can't know every single detail about their day to day, then how can I still know them? And that was hard.
• 23:09
  Melissa Shere Beek: Make more of an effort, you mean?
• 23:11
  Remi Bella Beek: You find efforts in different ways because you don't need to know that are sitting on the couch. Like, you can still be super close without that.
• 23:21
  Melissa Shere Beek: So how do you navigate difficult things in friendships?
• 23:28
  Remi Bella Beek: Like difficult things in the friendship or difficult things in how we support each other?
• 23:35
  Melissa Shere Beek: Either way.
• 23:42
  Remi Bella Beek: This is
• 23:42
  Mollie Dixie Beek: a hard one.
• 23:43
  Remi Bella Beek: Yeah. This is hard. I think if it's a difficult thing external to the friendship, I think I mean, it really depends what it is. If it's external to the friendship, then I know that, like, I can be open and talk with friends and be like, this has been on my mind. This is upsetting me.
• 24:04
  Are you a safe space for me to discuss this issue with? But I think if there's interpersonal difficulty, for me, that's harder and something I had to learn a lot over time because I'm not confrontational. So if someone was upsetting me, like a friend was upsetting me, that would be hard for me to talk about directly to them. I think I've gotten a little bit better about being honest or just knowing, okay. Maybe I just need some space away to just calm
• 24:34
  Mollie Dixie Beek: myself down and reapproach. But that's a non confrontational person speaking. For me, I love having my friends to go to when things feel heavy in the world. And I have specific friends that understand different parts of my identity. And so I might call one of them to be like, I'm really struggling with like this side, the religious side of me and the politics around it.
• 25:01
  And I have certain friends I can lean on for that. But there was a point when I was really struggling and I called my friends a lot and mama, actually, you were really great with this when I was going through a really bad breakup. I remember the first thing you said to me was, have you talked to your friends about this? And I actually hadn't and that was part of the problem. And so when I started opening up more and more to my friends about what I was actually going through, it was really affirming, and they helped me so much get out of a bad situation.
• 25:34
  But there were there was, like, a solid two years where I felt like I was the sad sack of the friend group, and I was worried that I was just leaning on people way too much. And they and I I talked to them about it, they were like, we actually didn't feel that way. We actually feel like you didn't talk about this enough or, like it I agree. It's not like, yeah, in my head, was like, I'm always going over these same issues. Like, I'm bringing this up so much or I'm gonna go to this event, but I'm I'm feeling fragile.
• 26:01
  We call it fragile time. And I'm feeling fragile, but I'm gonna go anyways. And I felt I felt like insecure about that like I'm not showing up and I'm not being fun but actually nobody else was thinking that. It was just something in my head.
• 26:15
  Melissa Shere Beek: Your internal dialogue.
• 26:17
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Yeah. But that was like years of my life and so I don't think it's, like, easy to navigate conflict. I don't think it's, like, a one and done or not even conflict. That wasn't a conflict. Like, a hard thing.
• 26:27
  Like, sometimes life is long, and you just have to, like sometimes a rough patch is a few years and but if the friendship is strong it will work itself out.
• 26:37
  Melissa Shere Beek: It weathers. Agreed. That's great. Wow, that's heavy, but thank God you have friends.
• 26:45
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Exactly.
• 26:46
  Melissa Shere Beek: It's critical, it's critical. So how do you balance these long time friendships with newer friendships?
• 26:55
  Remi Bella Beek: I think they're just different. Like, I think they see different parts of you. And, like, as you grow as an individual, like, you're different. Like, I'm definitely different than I had who I was in middle school, high school, college, like, all of those eras. Like, same person, but just, like, more evolved.
• 27:15
  And like the fact that I can have people who know me in all those different stages, I feel very blessed and lucky about that. And so for me, it doesn't seem hard. And kinda like we've said before, it's like if I know a friend knows me in a certain way, then I can call on them when I need it. Or if I hear them talking to each other about like, oh, I know this element of Remy or that version of Remy, like, it kind of helps me to selfishly, like, see all these parts of myself and just see how I've made these connections over time and like but I don't think it's, for me at least, too hard. I just lucked out on, like, having some friends since childhood and then some collected along the way.
• 27:58
  It's just how I know them, and then how we just continue to choose each other throughout time.
• 28:07
  Melissa Shere Beek: Nice.
• 28:10
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I think for me it's a little different. I'm also collecting friends, but I do feel like having this one group that we all met within the period of a year and we're a big group of friends. And so it takes a bit more excuse me, it takes a bit more time and effort for us to reunite. And so it takes planning and it takes coordinating schedules that can be a bit more challenging. But it's my favorite thing to do, and I look forward to when we have something where I'm like, oh, we're all going to be together.
• 28:51
  Melissa Shere Beek: And you all make the effort. Yes. You all prioritize it, I see that. In all of your friendships though, like even the ones that you've had that have been cemented from the beginning and even the ones that you've had that you've collected along the way, I noticed that in all of your friendships that it's not just the two of you making efforts with your other friends that all of your friends as well as you make the effort to make things happen, to be together, to do things, to plan. And it's nice because it's balanced.
• 29:19
  It's really equal. It's a beautiful thing.
• 29:23
  Remi Bella Beek: And I think also how allowing separate time, like, noticed that with your friend group, Dixie, like, yes, it's really special when all 20,000,000 of you get together, but also, like, having little pods of you guys being like, oh, we're connecting in the city or for this event or whatever. And I feel that with my friend groups, you know, or friends too, like different overlaps of people. Like, that's still special. Not as special as when everyone can get together, but those are just little ways to keep friendships connected.
• 29:51
  Melissa Shere Beek: Small touch zones.
• 29:52
  Sarah: Mhmm.
• 29:53
  Melissa Shere Beek: Yeah. So what would you advise someone who's looking to establish a lifelong friendship?
• 29:59
  Mollie Dixie Beek: That's a great question. I think you just have to be open. I think you just have to be self aware and open. I think there's always an opportunity to make a friend. I'm excited to make friends in the retirement home one day, God willing, and make friends in like the mommy and me group one day.
• 30:19
  Remi Bella Beek: So
• 30:20
  Mollie Dixie Beek: yeah, I feel like there's always a chance to make a friend, but you have to be open to it. And I think it it requires for a lifelong friend, I think it requires being true to yourself about what will you allow or not allow, what behaviors are you comfortable with, what do you even enjoy, what is your humor, just knowing yourself kind of evaluating how you feel. And then just like not manipulating it, just let it go. Like if you feel more uncomfortable, more inclined to hang out with somebody, like keep hanging out, keep doing things together. But I really do think that it's always a good time to make a friend.
• 31:04
  Remi Bella Beek: I like that. That was very teacher of you. Yeah. It was. It's always a good time to make a friend.
• 31:11
  I think phrasing it in that way, honestly, can be daunting. Like, trying to find a lifelong friend. I think that's a lot of pressure on it. I think what Dixie was saying is like, if you're just showing up with joy and just simply trying to connect with a person, like, you don't know where that's going to take you. And I think we've all said that about so many things.
• 31:30
  And it's like, I'm thinking about how I've met certain friend groups about I thought I wouldn't like them at first, or it just was a circumstance we showed up to the same event together, or we just I've said, oh, I like your dress, or something like that, and like, then the friendship flourishes. And so it just like, you kinda never know where you're gonna meet a friend or how you're gonna make that friend or if they're gonna be fleeting friendship, just fun for this short time
• 31:54
  Melissa Shere Beek: Right. A season.
• 31:56
  Remi Bella Beek: Term, you know. So you never know. So I think like Vicky said, like, leading with the joy, leading with, like, the being open, also, like, knowing your own values and knowing boundaries and all that. Like, if you're true to yourself and you're just there for the joy and simply enjoying someone's company, I think that's like the heart of so much friendship is that you're just enjoying each other's company. And like that next step would be like, oh, you kind of align with each other.
• 32:28
  Yeah.
• 32:30
  Melissa Shere Beek: Is there, like, an immediate green flag when you meet someone you're like, oh, yeah.
• 32:39
  Mollie Dixie Beek: This is not an answer to that, but I at my previous job, when I went to tour the school, I wrote about someone who ended up being my friend because he had pink hair at the time. And I wrote in my journal how cool it was to see someone with pink hair and that they looked really interesting. And then they ended up becoming my friends, and now we're still friends. And I I think that's kind of funny. There was no way I would know, but but sometimes Time sucks with you.
• 33:11
  Vibe.
• 33:12
  Melissa Shere Beek: Yeah. It's just a vibe.
• 33:13
  Remi Bella Beek: Vibe. It's like maybe the energy someone gives you. Like, I'm thinking about other friends too of how we might have met. And, like, you know, sometimes there's that spark where you're like, oh my god. This person's really exciting.
• 33:24
  And sometimes that fades. Like, you know, sparks can just fade over time. But sometimes it's just that feeling like someone stuck out to you and the feeling that they gave you or, like, the feeling you had when we were together. But I don't think there's, like, a hard and fast, like, this is what it is, that makes a friendship.
• 33:42
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I actually have a term for it. I call it squish. It's like having a crush but in a friend way. So when I meet someone that I'm interested in being their friend, I'll be like, oh, I have a squish on that person.
• 33:55
  Remi Bella Beek: And that's
• 33:55
  Melissa Shere Beek: cute. I like that.
• 33:56
  Remi Bella Beek: The college group.
• 33:58
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Yeah. That's that is exactly the term we use. And I still did it. Like, some of my friends at my current job started off as squishes and I kind of joked. I like, I have a squish.
• 34:08
  Melissa Shere Beek: That's cute. I like that term. Before one or both of you mentioned something about boundaries, how do you determine boundaries in a friendship?
• 34:19
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Woah.
• 34:21
  Remi Bella Beek: Yeah. These are big ones.
• 34:25
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Going to therapy. Therapy. I don't know. These are kind of like I actually a quick plug for therapy. I actually think that some sometimes when you do the work so much, it just becomes like a vibe, and I forget that, like, I actually think about what boundaries are.
• 34:46
  But therapy is great.
• 34:49
  Remi Bella Beek: That's all I'll say. Remi, your turn. Agreed therapy is great, and I think that goes along with what we've been saying. It's like, if you know yourself and who you are and, like, the what brings you joy and what, like, you wanna devote your time to and spend time doing and all these things. And then you find other people who do that with you, I think that's fine.
• 35:11
  And like that makes sense. And then the boundaries, I think I don't know. Don't have But a good answer for like, I think the more you know yourself, you know what you're willing to put up with.
• 35:22
  Melissa Shere Beek: Yeah, no, I think that's beautiful. Both of you have said it many times. I think the key to all of that is really knowing yourself and being true to yourself. That's awesome. And how have your friends influenced the person you've become?
• 35:37
  Remi Bella Beek: I love that question. I
• 35:42
  Mollie Dixie Beek: think for me, my friends have helped me cultivate my sense of humor. Back to therapy, my therapist is very into positive psychology, which is all about character strengths and it basically sorts through character strengths and there were some that were very obvious to me about like love of learning and judgment and knowledge that were very strong for me. And I ranked humor very low because I was like, oh that's not important to me. And then I had my friends take it and they ranked humor very high and it made me realize that actually humor is really important to me and I don't need to be so serious all the time. And you can feel deeply and be humorous and there is this balance.
• 36:28
  And it gave me permission to be lighter in a way.
• 36:35
  Melissa Shere Beek: I love that.
• 36:37
  Remi Bella Beek: That's a good one. The question is about what the friends give to you.
• 36:43
  Melissa Shere Beek: How how they've influenced you, the person you've become.
• 36:47
  Remi Bella Beek: Oh, that's such a good one. I think about it in small ways and big ways. Like, the small ways of, like, the little things, like, the interest of, oh, I do this activity, like, you might enjoy it, that kind of thing. But in the bigger sense, I think they've helped me, come out of my shell over time. I think I've noticed that, like, the trust that I found and, like, how I was saying, like, friends at first used to seem superficial.
• 37:13
  Like, you just see them at school, and then you go home. But then over time, I think college too helped with that. Like, they're seeing you all around the clock all the time, and so they gave me that sense of, like, trusting them, trusting myself, figuring out who I am, and I think that really helps. Like I said, I think friends are kind of mirrors in your life of reflecting different parts of yourself, so I think they helped bring about and shine those parts for me.
• 37:43
  Melissa Shere Beek: I like what you said about coming out of your shell. So I wanted to ask you both, how have your friends pushed you to grow?
• 37:58
  Remi Bella Beek: I think in, like this is another therapy thing, like comparison brain. I think sometimes we think of that in, like, a negative way, like jealousy, and, like, that's something I've processed too. And, like, whether my friends know it or not, sometimes you just, like, look at each other and, like, you can make assumptions about each other's lives, but I think it helps to motivate you of, like, what you want out of life, and they just kind of can inspire you in that way. And I think that's how it's pushed me to be myself, or even having just direct conversations with them of being like, oh, you're an expert in this area, or I think you really understand XYZ element of me, and picking their brain and then having them, like, just influence me to be the best version of myself. That's cliche.
• 38:55
  Mollie Dixie Beek: My serious answer is that I think just like by being there and being gentle with each other as we go through things, like I'm thinking about times when I wasn't feeling like my best self and maybe saying things I wouldn't normally say or just presenting myself in a way that was like negative or my mindset wasn't what I wanted it to be. And so just being gentle to be like, okay, well that instance when I was being really negative or I wasn't seeing things the way I wanted to, or my judgment was off, or I was being too critical or whatever it was, just being like, that's just maybe a rough patch I was going through or maybe I wasn't wasn't showing up. So I think like, it's that's not necessarily a push, but just remembering that, like, people are human and Yeah. That, like, it's Giving them grace. A bad day that or like having a rough time, like that's not necessarily who they are.
• 39:51
  And that allows you to grow to be like, okay, like just because like last week, you know, I I went on a trip with my friends and I had to leave and come back early because I my mental health was really bad and I couldn't handle the changes. And I wasn't proud of how much crying and how much panic and like how much freaking out I was doing. And I wish I was I remember wishing I was stronger and wishing I could just roll with the changes and be, more free spirited. And I felt a lot of shame about that. But my friends were very supportive and just like, yeah, this was not for you.
• 40:26
  Like, this was too much for you. And it helped me grow in a way not that I became more free spirited, but I actually just acknowledged that I need a bit more structure and like safety and I can't just go on a worldwide adventure and feel confident. I can't live out of my suitcase actually. That drives me nuts. And it's kind of allowed me to be more, like, I don't wanna say that word on on thing, but it's allowed me to be more
• 40:55
  Melissa Shere Beek: Give yourself more grace.
• 40:58
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Yeah. But it's allowed me to just embrace that. Like, when we're on a trip, prefer to sleep in a bed by myself. And there was like a time when I would have been like, no, want to sleep in a room with everybody. And on recent trips, everyone was kind of like, yeah, you want your own bed.
• 41:10
  Right? And I was like, I would love my own bed. So just that knowledge that like pushing me to grow in the way of like acknowledging like this is just who I am.
• 41:22
  Melissa Shere Beek: And what you need.
• 41:23
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I also just thought of another story, is so silly, but I remember when we were 20 years old and went to Key West on a spring break trip. One of my friends was like, let's let's freestyle. And everyone was except one person was like, no. Like, we cannot do this. But she was like, no.
• 41:44
  No. It'll be fun. And it forced us to be really silly and not self conscious and just be really bad at freestyling, which was so fun to just let loose in a way.
• 41:56
  Remi Bella Beek: Yeah. I like that. On your other story, though, I think that goes to the point we're saying of, like, if you know yourself and then, like, the people around you, you can, like, show up for that in that way and see you in that way, and, like, they're not gonna make fun of you or judge you for, like, why can't you just go with the program? And I
• 42:16
  real friend, and that's, like, more like adult kind of securing yourself friendship. That's, like, something teenage me could not comprehend. That would be, like, side chatting, like, what's wrong with that person? Or a feeling like, all that judgy kind of catty stuff.
• 42:33
  Melissa Shere Beek: Right.
• 42:33
  Remi Bella Beek: He's left behind, and that kind of fades away those friendships. Then, like, the real friendships are the ones you're describing that they're like, yeah. We recognize this about you. We see this point about you, and, like, we're fine with it, and we would just want you to accept that for yourself.
• 42:47
  Melissa Shere Beek: Right. Acceptance and understanding, yeah. So I like what's the greatest lesson you've learned from your friendships?
• 43:00
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I think that there's joy in everything and that things feel really bleak in the world, but there is a lot of joy. And to have each other in times of joy or times Yeah. Have just have each other to celebrate the good things and also, like, fight for the world we want together. When my friends are fighting to make a difference and putting themselves out there, I'm going to hype them up and be a team player. And when they get a promotion or when they get a new job or when they quit their job that wasn't treating them well, like, I have their back.
• 43:37
  And so I think at the end of the day, it's just to be like, we need community more now than ever and Oh, yeah. We're just gonna find joy in those spaces and I'm just here to love you through it.
• 43:51
  Remi Bella Beek: I agree with that. I think we haven't touched upon, like, the celebrating each other's part. I think that's a big deal for me in friendship. And I think that's what I mean too when I say showing up is, like, you are there for that person, celebrating their wins, holding them when they need to be held, like, all of those things. It's like that community, that celebration of the people around you, and balancing each other out based on your needs and what's going on.
• 44:19
  And the joy, it's all about joy. I think kind of what we've been saying too is, like, joy is important, and we undervalue that in looking forward And
• 44:28
  it's like, we need joy to keep us moving. And even if it seems trivial, like, my friends and I, we love to dress up and take photos or, like, throw a fun theme party or, like, something like that, and it might seem so silly. But that's what keeps us going. And then those are what the memories are made of and the connections with each other, how they form over time and make us stronger. So, yeah, all the joy and celebrating each other.
• 44:57
  Melissa Shere Beek: Joy is critical. And you both touched upon like how necessary community is and the stressors of what's going on in the world now. So when you're stressed out or you're in a difficult situation, what kind of support are you looking for from your friends?
• 45:14
  Remi Bella Beek: Depends on the situation.
• 45:14
  Melissa Shere Beek: Is it back to what you said before about like grace and understanding and acceptance or?
• 45:20
  Remi Bella Beek: Yeah, but it also depends on the situation and I think it also depends like on yourself. Like, for me, sometimes I need space if I'm going through, like, something hard. Like, I'll shut myself in and, like, that'll be okay. Other times, I'm like, no. I need those words of affirmations from my friends.
• 45:39
  And then there's always a friend who will, I know, either enable me or say a specific thing or see me in that way, and I'm like, I need those specific words of encouragement, so I'm gonna go to that person. Yeah, it's really dependent on the thing.
• 45:58
  Melissa Shere Beek: What I would say does emotional safety look like to you in these friendships?
• 46:13
  Remi Bella Beek: That's a tough one. That I could cry in front of you, but I cry in front of everyone, so that doesn't count. But, like, a real cry and for me to, like, talk out that cry with you, I think.
• 46:26
  Melissa Shere Beek: Uh-huh.
• 46:26
  Remi Bella Beek: And even if it's not crying, I think I think what we're saying, like, the grace and the lack of judgment.
• 46:36
  Melissa Shere Beek: And to be heard. Okay. And what have you learned about yourself from these friendships?
• 46:52
  Remi Bella Beek: Most everything. Like, kind of what I was saying. Like, I do the work in therapy, and then, like, I think my friends highlight that for me
• 47:02
  Melissa Shere Beek: In real time.
• 47:02
  Remi Bella Beek: And, like, inspire me or motivate me in different ways. Like, showing me that other things are possible. Yeah.
• 47:15
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I think that's I think it's hard for me. And I think everyone that, like, I spend all my time in my own head. And so I can be really critical or, like, too aware of things. And I don't see myself as my friends see me. And so sometimes when I'm like reading birthday cards or hearing messages, I feel like this disconnect where I'm like, I don't think I'm always that person.
• 47:40
  And that's I I feel like, again, that's, like, has to go back to grace where it's like, have to remember that, like, I am also that person even if I'm not always that person. Right. And sometimes I feel that way about my friends and it's actually encouraged me to share more to my friends about when I see them because like when sometimes they're feeling bad about themselves and they're struggling, I'm like, what? You're the coolest person I know. You're so smart and you're so funny and you're so gorgeous.
• 48:06
  Like, you're stressed? Like, what? Like, you're perfect. And so I have to remember that they don't feel that way too. And so it just kinda just reminded her that, like, if I can love these people and see how amazing they are, then I can extend that to myself too.
• 48:22
  Remi Bella Beek: That's sad. Saying because I think we're focusing on the same thing but in different ways. Like, you're saying you can't handle or, like, process the cards when people say it. Whereas, I'm like, I that is what feeds me to an extent, and then it helps, like like you're saying, like, yes, it's not the full version of you. They're just highlighting one aspect, but then that makes like helps me see the mosaic of myself and helps me see like, that person sees me in that way and that person sees me in this way, and that helps me highlight who I am with all the pieces.
• 48:56
  Melissa Shere Beek: Oh I like that. You girls said that beautifully. What do you think your friends would say is your best quality?
• 49:06
  Remi Bella Beek: I think one is attention to detail. That's just they recognize that about me. Thank you. I knew you would laugh. I And love it's yeah.
• 49:19
  Attention to detail is, like, maybe a more fun one, but or serious, depends how you see it. And I think another one would be kindness.
• 49:37
  Melissa Shere Beek: That's a good one.
• 49:40
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I think for me, I am a supportive friend.
• 49:43
  Remi Bella Beek: I think they would see me as
• 49:44
  Mollie Dixie Beek: a supportive friend. And, I've gotten this from a lot of people that, like, childlike wonder comes out. Like, I'll be like, let's go swing on a swing set or, like, do this silly thing or play mermaids. Mhmm. That, you know, it's always time to be a girl no matter how old you are.
• 49:59
  So think I bring that energy to the friend group.
• 50:03
  Melissa Shere Beek: I like that.
• 50:04
  Remi Bella Beek: Agree with that.
• 50:04
  Melissa Shere Beek: What are you girls looking forward to as your friendships continue to grow?
• 50:09
  Remi Bella Beek: Oh, I love that question.
• 50:10
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Can't wait to be in a retirement home together and we are playing mahjong, and it's 10AM and someone's bartending for us, and we're in the pool and cackling and sitting on the stoop.
• 50:27
  Remi Bella Beek: That has been your vision.
• 50:29
  Melissa Shere Beek: I always see your group as, like, getting this sort of commune, all these homes near each other, and all their yards converge, and they're all and and and the spouses just come with, you know, and the kids just Would come
• 50:44
  Mollie Dixie Beek: love just to cape summer every summer.
• 50:46
  Remi Bella Beek: Yeah. That's very you. My friends were gonna split one of those big mansions in New Orleans, or we're gonna get our own. But I love this question because I think about this a lot, like, memories and sentimentality and, like, growing and, like, continuing your friendship over the lifetime. I think when you're mentioning girlhood, like, that is so central to me and my values.
• 51:16
  And I think that's because in growing up in girlhood, as a zillennial woman, we've been fed so many, like, rom coms and sitcoms. Thanks for laughing at that. And the games we would play on the computer that, like, really hyped up what it meant to be a teenager or, like, a young woman. It would always be, like, you're out in the city with your friends and wearing fun outfits, and we're gonna do our nails and go shopping for the night out on the town and the concert. Like like, that's my scene, the game online, or, like, any of the TV shows.
• 51:50
  There's Friends, Sex and the City, the movies 13 going on 30, How to Lose a Guy in ten Days, like, all of those, at least for me, were really central in forming who I am and how I saw my life going. And like, this is it just like I really grasped onto it. And so now that I've like arrived at that moment where like I'm in my twenties and I'm having the time of my life and I have my apartment, I have my friends, I have the job, I have the fun activities, my cat, like, all these things.
• 52:21
  Melissa Shere Beek: Come to fruition.
• 52:23
  Remi Bella Beek: It's come to fruition, and then, like, for it to keep going. Like, that's the things, like, the next seasons as if it's a show, but also just like in our life. And I think about that both forward thinking and also in the reflective way. Like, I'm thinking about a friend who I've had my entire life, and we would be together in high school thinking about when we grow up, like, what would that look like? Because we know we are our number ones, and so our partners gotta know that they're second to each other.
• 52:51
  You know? That's something we thought of. And then for us to go through all the life stages of graduating in college and our first jobs and our first homes together. So like we're experiencing the future that we had thought about. And that applies to my college friends too.
• 53:07
  Like watching us all get our first jobs out of college, our first apartments, going through different relationship dynamic. Like, all those things we've seen in each other that were the future, and like now we've been living through them. And like all the times that we have of joy, like my friends now throwing all these little parties, and like or just the fun things that we do and taking trips. Any of that, like that we are compiling into our memories, and then so like another twenty years down the line, we're gonna look back and be like, remember that apartment that you had and, like, that job where you had to do this, and I'm so glad you got out of that job or that situation. So it's like, I'm always thinking about, like, how special it is that we're in these moments together with each other for both the sake of the moment and for, like, how in the grand scheme of, like, where we're going in the future with each other and how we're always gonna tie each other tie ourselves to each other.
• 54:06
  And then of course, like I said, there's the dream of having Retiring in New Orleans,
• 54:14
  Melissa Shere Beek: I love that. That's very funny. What is the greatest gift or blessing you've gotten from these friendships?
• 54:21
  Mollie Dixie Beek: So I think the greatest gift or blessing I've gotten is being able to feel really seen by people throughout different parts of life. And something we've been talking about lately is the wheel of life and how sometimes it feels like you are just going through a rough patch or we just went through our solar returns or Saturn returns and having that ability to zoom out and see all the eras we've lived together and how we've grown and changed is just really comforting. And I think that's also something about me turning 30 was that I was able to see time differently where I was like, oh, I can see I finally get what people said when they were like, hey, this is not gonna matter in a few years or like, I didn't get that as a teenager. I was like, what do you mean?
• 55:15
  Like, it matters. And now I'm like, oh, I actually understand more how time works. And so, like, being able to see how far we've come as people and have these friendships and that is just hopefully, God willing, it's just going to continue and continue, has been a really big Agreed,
• 55:33
  Remi Bella Beek: absolutely. What is it, the gift that they've given me?
• 55:40
  Melissa Shere Beek: Or blessings, yeah.
• 55:45
  Remi Bella Beek: It keeps coming back to joy. It just keeps coming back to joy that they give in the small ways and the big ways. Kind of like a validation of self too, like we've been saying, at least for me. And like, being able to grow too and talk things out with people who might be going through similarly, you know, like we're saying, we're in similar life stages as each other, and sort of bounce that off of people that you can be so vulnerable with. That's such a gift that we have each other and just have people who just enjoy each other's company.
• 56:23
  Like, that's really what friendship can be. It's just like we're enjoying each other's company and we trust each other and that makes the joy even greater.
• 56:32
  Melissa Shere Beek: I love that. Yeah, I mean, friendships contribute to your longevity. They stop your stress, your anxiety, loneliness, depression. They provide support, understanding. I'm grateful that you have these amazing relationships with your friends because I see you girls flourishing and growing and learning and you have a community all to yourself that I know whatever bumps that you go through, you have that cushion from them and I know whatever success you have, they're cheering just as loud as I would cheer I think it's such a beautiful thing.
• 57:10
  So I'm so grateful that you guys came to discuss friendships .
• 57:13
  Remi Bella Beek: I I would thought Before? Wait. Sorry. I have another that what we're saying is the longevity and, like, the fact that you see it in us too, which is, like, super special. I'm sure it's, like, the mom.
• 57:24
  But they actually say that, like, in general, in these studies is that women actually tend to live longer and have, like, better outcomes and health and happiness because of the friendships that, like, women forge for the group. And that, like, you know, in stereotype, men don't have that because, like, they can't get vulnerable with each other. And I think that is a big aspect of this too. It's just, like, the value we put on friendship, I think, can be so belittled at certain times or like it used to be where like social health doesn't matter as much. But like, I mean, maybe we can say this as teachers too.
• 57:58
  Like when we're looking at kids, so much of their time is consumed about the social aspect of like, who are you hanging out with? Who's doing talking about that aspect? And like, I think it's crazy if we diminish this because we're seeing actual tangible proof of that, like, people are healthier because they have that emotional availability with each other and that trust with each other to be candid and to show up for each other in different ways. Whereas, like, I know there's all these statistics about men feeling lonely and, like, the depression and all these old things that they're going through because they're simply not asking each other and checking in how are you doing or sharing the hardships they're going through or highlighting each other in the same way. So write each other cards, show up for each other, celebrate each other, hug each other if you're a hugging person.
• 58:49
  Yeah. So that's always, like, important to me and I feel so lucky that we have that and that more people should be doing that.
• 58:57
  Melissa Shere Beek: I think these friendships are critical to your mental, physical and emotional health. Period. That's necessary, very necessary. Okay, before I let you go, I do a thing at the end of each session called Quickie Questions. You girls game?
• 59:12
  Remi Bella Beek: Yeah. Okay.
• 59:15
  Melissa Shere Beek: What or who inspires you?
• 59:20
  Remi Bella Beek: Wait. Is this a friend or is this anything?
• 59:22
  Melissa Shere Beek: No. No. No. This is just the friends section of this episode is over. But now I do like a thing to close my episodes out called Quick Questions.
• 59:30
  Remi Bella Beek: No. I noticed. So this is a yes when my brain totally goes blank.
• 59:34
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Hates nothing more than a game that puts her on the spot. Going back to nana during the pandemic Shabbat calls.
• 59:43
  Remi Bella Beek: Who inspires you?
• 59:44
  Okay. The question.
• 59:45
  Melissa Shere Beek: Who or who or what inspires you?
• 59:51
  Remi Bella Beek: I don't know anyone. Just kidding. I answer this. I can't answer this.
• 59:56
  Mollie Dixie Beek: I am inspired by my friends. Honestly, I was just thinking about my friends who are just fun and creative and stand up for others in the community. And, yeah, I'm inspired by the people around me.
• 1:00:14
  Remi Bella Beek: I don't know.
• 1:00:18
  Melissa Shere Beek: I We're gonna pass that one. Okay. When was the last time you laughed and what was it about?
• 1:00:23
  Remi Bella Beek: You. Me
• 1:00:27
  Melissa Shere Beek: at at me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:00:31
  Great. I love it. I love it. And what does a favorite day look like for you?
• 1:00:38
  Remi Bella Beek: Hanging out with mishi, she, my cat. Being home, being with the cat, but then also, like, going out with my friends or, like, sister or, like, something. A little balance of, like, I have a fun place to go dress up and have a social element, and then I can come back to my cat.
• 1:01:02
  Mollie Dixie Beek: Got it. My ideal day is coffee, stroll, farmer's market, art, really good dinner, laughing with friends, drinking wine.
• 1:01:16
  Melissa Shere Beek: Sounds good. And then it's funny because I had this question in here before this episode even started about joy. Brings you great joy? And it happened to be like Joy was the talking point. There she is.
• 1:01:32
  Joy happened to be a big talking point throughout the episode but so if if you don't want us repeat it again about what brings you joy, you can say what your love language is. Either question.
• 1:01:44
  Remi Bella Beek: Music, my cat, TV, books, dressing up, arts and crafts. Yeah. I think I said almost all of them.
• 1:01:58
  Mollie Dixie Beek: So For me, it's animals. Animals bring me a lot
• 1:02:02
  of joy, especially my cat and Miriam.
• 1:02:04
  Melissa Shere Beek: Yeah. Aw, yeah. I just have to say, I know I'm your mama, but I think you both are the most extraordinary, exceptional, intelligent, beautiful inside and out, kind, caring, compassionate women. I feel so honored, so blessed, so privileged, so appreciative that you're not only my daughters but I consider you my friends. And you’re women that I go to to talk to and to listen to.
• 1:02:39
  I've learned so much from both of you. And I just feel super, super blessed that I get to call you both daughters and friends. I'm honored and I thank you so much for doing the podcast girls. As much as you laughed at me, I'm so grateful.
• 1:02:53
  I love you
• 1:02:54
  I you girls beyond measure. I just love you girls so much. there aren't enough words in the human language to express the depth of my devotion and love for both of you.
• 1:03:05
  Remi Bella Beek: You used a lot of them. We love you.
• 1:03:08
  Mollie Dixie Beek: We love you, we are both really, really proud of you for doing this podcast and for learning all these new skills and for making a friend in Steven and for doing this like, this is a big project, and it's awesome, and you're very creative. So it's been awesome to thrive with this.
• 1:03:29
  Remi Bella Beek: Yeah. And just going after something that brings you joy. Like, I think that's our theme today is this, like, joy.
• 1:03:35
  Melissa Shere Beek: I think so.
• 1:03:36
  Remi Bella Beek: The fact that, like, you said you wanna do something and you're just going for it. Like, you don't need to make excuses and you don't need to justify it.
• 1:03:45
  Melissa Shere Beek: Well I think both or one of you said because I had been formulating this for years and I think at one point you girls were home visiting and you're like, what are you waiting for? And then I just sort of jumped and that was it. I think I needed you both to give me that little gentle push. But I thank you. I love you girls so much.
• 1:04:03
  Remi Bella Beek: Thank you. I
• 1:04:06
  Melissa Shere Beek: love you girls more. Okay, I'm gonna do my outro.
• 1:04:08
  Remi Bella Beek: I keep talking about Okay, keep going.
• 1:04:11
  Melissa Shere Beek: There will be a little surprise, at the end of this, both audio on all the platforms and for video on my YouTube channel where we have your friends leaving messages, and I love it.
• 1:04:25
  Jonah: I have so many beautiful memories with Remy Beek but when I think back the one that really makes me smile would be moving to Manhattan together. At that point we had already been friends for years and been through so much, but that really felt like the start of our adult lives. And I remember apartment hunting and moving in and just feeling so excited for the future and so full of hope. And although that period of time was full of many ups and many downs, trials and tribulations, it was such a gift and so beautiful to have one of my best friends right by my side the entire time.
• 1:05:04
  Rylee: Hello, My name is Rylee and I've known Remi since we were like five years old, I think, like pre K, pre pre K ages. And a memory of us that always makes me smile is, there were so many, it was really hard to pick, but I love thinking about when we did video sync in high school and how like we would be like 15 years old and just feeling like so hot, shaking our butts in a dance class. And whenever one of us got called up to the front, was like the highlight of the week. And kind of a part two, I love thinking about how we'd like brought those dances to the clubs in college. Like we would be out of the boot and like one of the songs would come on and we would dance it.
• 1:05:48
  Like that was really silly but I think that was always really funny. I'd like to give honorable mention to us watching the entire series of Boy Meets World at my parents house usually while eating raw cookie dough for some reason and also always getting Indian food and ice cream before a party, which was a crazy combination, but a lot of food involved in our favorite memories. And then I couldn't help myself, so I'm answering another question, which was I can always count on you. What was it? I forgot what it was.
• 1:06:23
  It was something like I can always count on you to do something. And I can always count on you to fill my cup, which I know is very vague and I can't really be more specific because I don't know what it is that does it but I feel like every time we're together I just leave feeling so like revitalized and like extra peppy and happy. There's like something about seeing an old friend that just like makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. And that always happens when we're together. And I love you a lot.
• 1:06:52
  Scarlett: What I really like about us is that while we're so different, we're so harmonious at the same time, but not to a level that we're not learning and growing. And I think with previous friendships, we're super similar. And as I grow and mature, I find the most rewarding friendships to be the ones where we can all, like, teach and learn from each other, whether it's big or small. So sometimes my friends taking me out of my comfort zone or teaching me something new or when I get to be that person for them, it just feels really special. So I think growing with them has been the most amazing part of our friendship. And, I like would not trade that aspect for the world.
• 1:07:35
  Japreena: One of my favorite qualities of our friendship is being a ride or die. So that means a lot of different things. That means being loyal, being extremely reliable and a dependable friend, being there for the ups, but also the downs of life. And especially living in a city like New York, we're all far away from home. It's really nice to have your ride or dies by your side every step of the way.
• 1:07:59
  Jenna B.: Hi, mama Beek. Remi, I can always count on you to meet me where I'm at. If I'm tired, I feel like we can just sit and watch Sex and the City or Keeping Up With the Kardashians for six hours. If I'm upset, like, I know you're there to talk with me. And if I need to go skip to the bar and have a drink, you're always there for that too.
• 1:08:25
  And I just hope I can do the same for you. I'm always met with a very nonjudgmental energy and a lot of kindness and support.
• 1:08:35
  Sonia: So, okay. So I have two favorite memories hanging out with the women's monthly collective. My first one is just the entirety of our trip to Croatia. It was so much fun and just getting to spend time with some of my favorite people in such a beautiful country. We got to just go out for dinner, hang out at the beach, kind of be mermaids, just live out our childhood dreams, but also really spend quality time together.
• 1:09:02
  It just felt so meaningful, always hyping each other up, just galavanting around the streets. And I just loved every second of it. And my second one is our sock exchange that we just did in December. I loved it so much. It was just so silly but so like it was fun to like go through different socks websites and like find different socks that I thought spoke to the meaning of each person, their interests, who they are, what they mean to me.
• 1:09:27
  And I just really love that. And I love how when everyone brought socks, was true to our personality, like Remi bringing me the cute as a petite button sock. I just loved it. Scarlett bringing everyone the Ralph Lauren socks with little bears on it, which is her signature. I loved that.
• 1:09:44
  And it was so much fun just to share our favorite parts of each other and also gifting each other something so small and cozy right before the winter came. And I loved it. It just made me feel so happy and secure in our friendship. And I love that we get to do, like, small little things like that, throughout the year and just celebrate girlhood, friendship, and just us living our lives together in New York.
• 1:10:10
  Jenna S.: I feel most seen and supported in our friendship when you share a thought or a feeling that I also experience and either feel shame about or feel uncertainty about or feel alone about, you have such a wise way of talking about the mind and and also, like, how our mind and bodies connect with the world, that really just makes me feel understood and supported. The second the second way I feel most supported and seen by you is in your, like, a 100% support and validation of me. You are always the friend gassing me up, making me feel better about myself, making me feel loved and cherished. And that is one of the many, many, many, many reasons that I love you. And I can absolutely always count on you for a really weird, goofy time.
• 1:11:16
  I think one of the strongest parts of our friendships is being able to access this really, like, funky, goofy parts of ourselves. It's a part of ourselves that we had when we met when we were 18 and when we were kids before that, and it's a part of ourselves that we still have now and that I loved tapping into and, like, acting childlike together. And it, like, brings out this joy and excitement and awe for the world and for weirdness and spontaneity that I don't often feel even by myself.
• 1:11:55
  Sarah: Hello. This is a recording for Molly Dixie Beek. I'm gonna start off with question one. The most important quality I value in our friendship is that I feel like our friendship really encapsulates the full spectrum of life, which is that we could be serious together and commiserate about the most difficult things in life and about our world, but also find the time to be light and be girls together and just enjoy girlhood. I love that our friendship is so playful and fun and that I really feel my most inner true self when we're together.
• 1:12:39
  I feel like I can honestly be myself. Like, I can embrace the parts of myself that have been made fun of in the past or that have made me feel less than or othered in the past. I feel like you, Molly, celebrate the qualities that are truly mine in a way that I've never experienced before. And I just love how genuine our friendship is and how loyal our friendship is and how wonderful and special and kind and intelligent you are so that every single conversation like, we can talk for hours over a glass of wine or over olives and just gab and gab and gab because you're so you always have something important and thoughtful to say. And every time I leave hanging out with you, I feel so much better in every way.
• 1:13:38
  I feel lighter. I don't have the weight hanging over me of whatever was bothering me that day, but also I feel like I'm coming away with something because our conversation is always meaningful. I have truly like, I I can't narrow down the most important quality of my friendship with you because as we've discussed at length, like, I've I have trauma around best friendship just because of past friend traumas in middle school, in high school, throughout the years. And I feel like having you in my life, like, I really know what it's like to have a true best friend, and I value it more than anything. And I just I really, really love that we can celebrate each other and celebrate girlhood together.
• 1:14:20
  Next question. I feel most seen supported in our friendship. Well, truly all the time. But when you just reach out to me out of the blue to hang out, I feel so happy every time I get a text from you to go walk in the park or meet up for a snack and a chat. It is so special.
• 1:14:42
  Again, just to, like, feel like my presence is wanted, and I know that I feel that way about you too. So I always feel seen and supported in our friendship truly every day. And I feel like also the way we celebrate each other for all of life's milestones is a huge support in my life. And especially in this world where there are so many things that are difficult and heavy, knowing that I have you there to celebrate the good times and complain with me in the bad times is such a a huge thing. Okay.
• 1:15:20
  Next question. I can absolutely always count on you for literally everything. I you were my maid of honor, basically, at my wedding. I didn't have a bridal party, but you truly were there for me in every single way. I've never felt more loved, supported, and celebrated.
• 1:15:42
  You put your own fears and discomfort at bay so that you could perform at our wedding, which is scary. I mean, you sang with your most beautiful singing voice. You led in front of over a 115 people. I mean, you showed up for me and for me and Ben in a way that, like, we really can never repay you. It is so special.
• 1:16:07
  I am so honored that for the rest of my life, I will know that you were a part of that day for me. I I mean, you are there for me always. Like, I I really I cannot count the ways that I can always count on you. And then the memory of us that always makes me smile is also too many to count, but, I feel like we went for our Halloween walk a few years ago. I feel like it was right when I moved to Greenpoint, and we were walking around and looking into people's windows, and you were dressed in your pirate Halloween costume classic.
• 1:16:45
  And I was dressed in my, like, glittery, undefined Halloween costume classic. And we just walked around and took in everything around us and our surrounding. And it was just the two of us against the world gabbing and making the most out of everything. And I feel like that the reason why I love that memory is, and it always makes me smile is because I feel like it really encapsulates the core of our friendship, which is that I feel like whenever I hang out with you, no matter what the situation is, whether at we're at Bouquet having a glass of wine, sitting in Fort Green with a picnic, or literally doing nothing and having, a salad and just talking. It is always fun, and I always leave feeling more fulfilled.
• 1:17:34
  Anyways, sending so much love, and I miss you, and I can't wait to see you soon.
• 1:17:41
  Melissa Shere Beek: To our listeners, thank you so much. So grateful you're here. Keep listening. Keep learning. Keep laughing.
• 1:17:46
  Keep up with Beek On Being. Follow Beek On Being on Instagram for the latest. To share thoughts, ideas, suggestions, or nominated guests, DM us. Want exclusive content, behind the scenes stories, listener links? Subscribe.
• 1:17:59
  Listen to Bee Con Being wherever you get your podcasts. All episodes are automatically transcribed. Big shout out and a huge thank you to Steven Chen at Penthouse Studios. Fikan Ving was recorded at Penthouse Studios and is a proud member of the Penthouse Podcast Network. Thank you, girl.
• 1:18:18
  Remi Bella Beek: Can we all say this is Beek on being at the same time?
• 1:18:22
  Melissa Shere Beek: Oh, you wanna go do it again? We could do it.
• 1:18:24
  Remi Bella Beek: Just the one.
• 1:18:25
  Melissa Shere Beek: No? Just what? We'll do Okay, I'll count. Okay, ready? This is Beek on being.