Latest / Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge / Two Jersey Js: Real Friends or Reality Fakes?

Transcript

Two Jersey Js: Real Friends or Reality Fakes? · Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge

0:01
Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, It's Jackie Goldschneider and Jen Fessler and we
0:05
Speaker 1: are two Jersey Jays.
0:08
Speaker 2: Hi, guys, I feel like it's been a while, right.
0:10
Speaker 1: I know, I feel like we were recording so much
0:13
Speaker 1: and then we had a nice long break.
0:15
Speaker 2: How was that passover? Oh? Thank you for asking. Passover
0:19
Speaker 2: was great. We spent it because you know this, we
0:21
Speaker 2: got a house at the beach, down at the shore,
0:25
Speaker 2: but a little further than what we know from, like
0:27
Speaker 2: let's say the show about the Shore, so closer to Philly.
0:30
Speaker 2: So we got this house and it's been quite a
0:34
Speaker 2: feat and to furnish it and get it ready for
0:36
Speaker 2: the summer. But the four of us went and had
0:38
Speaker 2: passed over there and it was actually really nice. Oh
0:42
Speaker 2: that's so nice. What about yours? We were away, We
0:45
Speaker 2: were away from most of it. I want to hear
0:47
Speaker 2: about your natum.
0:48
Speaker 1: It was amazing. I mean, Barcelona and Madrid are both beautiful.
0:52
Speaker 1: I had never been, and the food was fantastic and
0:56
Speaker 1: I ate so much. I was proud of myself because
1:01
Speaker 1: sometimes hard for.
1:02
Speaker 2: Me, but it was really great.
1:05
Speaker 1: But as much as I loved it, last year we
1:08
Speaker 1: went to Rome and I just felt like nothing can
1:12
Speaker 1: come close to Rome.
1:14
Speaker 2: Italy is always going to be my number one.
1:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, But we came home enough time to get the
1:21
Speaker 1: kids went back to school today and we came home
1:25
Speaker 1: with enough time to let them.
1:27
Speaker 2: Like on jet lag, but.
1:29
Speaker 1: The other like two nights ago, I woke up in
1:33
Speaker 1: the middle of the night to.
1:35
Speaker 2: Go to the bathroom.
1:36
Speaker 1: And I wear an eyemask, right, so I pulled it
1:39
Speaker 1: up a little bit, and I'm walking to the bathroom
1:41
Speaker 1: and you know those monster flies, like those big black
1:44
Speaker 1: ones that bounce like crazy on the walls. There was
1:46
Speaker 1: one in my room and it buzzed in my ear
1:50
Speaker 1: and I turned my head as I was walking.
1:53
Speaker 2: To You're gonna freak me out. You're gonna freak me
1:56
Speaker 2: gonna be like a horror film.
1:57
Speaker 1: Oh, and I slammed my face into the box that
2:01
Speaker 1: holds that has our like alarm keypad. And then I
2:04
Speaker 1: got so I al conopulated that I fell backwards into
2:08
Speaker 1: my laundry basket.
2:09
Speaker 2: It was like the worst than I was still jet lagged, Jackie.
2:15
Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say that the fly
2:16
Speaker 1: went into your ear canal and I no, no, I
2:19
Speaker 1: was not.
2:19
Speaker 2: I was gonna have to check out a.
2:21
Speaker 1: Big fat lip and like, oh i'd even notice. Let
2:24
Speaker 1: me say, well, the MIC's in front of it and it's.
2:25
Speaker 2: Getting bad act. See. Yeah.
2:29
Speaker 1: But anyway, so other than that, though, the trip was
2:32
Speaker 1: great and uh, I'm glad to be home. I'm not
2:34
Speaker 1: one of those people who likes to travel for like
2:37
Speaker 1: two weeks.
2:37
Speaker 2: At a time.
2:37
Speaker 1: I like to get home after like five days. I'm like,
2:40
Speaker 1: this is great, but like I'm ready for my bed
2:42
Speaker 1: and I get.
2:43
Speaker 2: Depressed, well by boundry machine. Really, I don't like to go.
2:46
Speaker 2: I don't know, I get a little every time vacation ends.
2:50
Speaker 2: Oh no, not me. I like coming home. I like
2:52
Speaker 2: coming home, but I definitely and I've there are times
2:55
Speaker 2: where I've like, okay, we've had enough. Like no Vietnam,
2:58
Speaker 2: I was depressed, but like anytime sounded like such a
3:02
Speaker 2: spectacular trip it was. It really was. I don't know.
3:06
Speaker 2: But yeah, and then you said you had well because
3:09
Speaker 2: I told you my back went out yesterday, so.
3:11
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I had a I don't know, I never
3:13
Speaker 1: have back problems. Like three weeks ago, my back started
3:16
Speaker 1: hurting and then it was so bad.
3:17
Speaker 2: I was like an old lady.
3:18
Speaker 1: We were going on these tours and the kids stopping
3:22
Speaker 1: and like stretching my worst feeling.
3:24
Speaker 2: I know, how's your back. It's okay, it's okay. I
3:28
Speaker 2: have to get on the plane tomorrow. So I'm telling
3:30
Speaker 2: myself it's okay.
3:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're going to a concert.
3:36
Speaker 2: I'm going on but yes, so exciting. I wish that
3:39
Speaker 2: you were coming. It is going to be a lot
3:42
Speaker 2: of fun. I think Country Music Festival in Napa with
3:45
Speaker 2: iHeart time. You love country music. You're a texted girl.
3:48
Speaker 1: I know, knew nothing about Well now I feel like
3:50
Speaker 1: country is coming into the pop world.
3:52
Speaker 2: So I know, like Morgan Wallen, I know, like.
3:55
Speaker 1: The people who have gone like pop, but and I
3:58
Speaker 1: love it, but I know nothing really about country music.
4:02
Speaker 2: That he used to be a bigger country music fan,
4:04
Speaker 2: but then my family started to love it. Was specifically
4:06
Speaker 2: Jeff and he when he loves something, it's all of
4:09
Speaker 2: that all the time. It's every really good until I
4:13
Speaker 2: get burnt out and I'm like, oh, that's funny.
4:15
Speaker 1: When I was a kid growing up in Staten Island,
4:17
Speaker 1: my dad, I guess it was sort of his midlife crisis,
4:22
Speaker 1: became a cowboy and so we were like just this
4:25
Speaker 1: Jewish family.
4:26
Speaker 2: Living in same what.
4:27
Speaker 1: It lasted a few years that was it and everyone
4:30
Speaker 1: called him Buffalo Berry and we were just this Jewish
4:35
Speaker 1: family living in the middle of Staten Island. And my
4:37
Speaker 1: dad wore like full cowboy gear. That is so hilarious.
4:41
Speaker 1: For a while, for a few years.
4:44
Speaker 2: My dad did that becoming a biker. Oh really did
4:47
Speaker 2: it last? No?
4:51
Speaker 1: But anyway, all he would play was country music and
4:53
Speaker 1: like his long paddlelac that smelled like smoke. And it
4:58
Speaker 1: was just country music all the time until it was
5:00
Speaker 1: but my only exposure to country music.
5:02
Speaker 2: See, you'll have a blast.
5:03
Speaker 1: And then I'm hot on your heels going to Wango Tangoa.
5:08
Speaker 2: And just now it's like I'm a little jealous. There's
5:10
Speaker 2: gonna be some bigs there. I can't no, no, no, no,
5:15
Speaker 2: it's Mother's Day.
5:15
Speaker 1: What you said, right, I know I'm going to go
5:18
Speaker 1: with alexis good time.
5:21
Speaker 2: I love that.
5:22
Speaker 1: Anyway, I am really really excited for this topic today
5:25
Speaker 1: because you don't have to be a white Lotus fan
5:28
Speaker 1: to really engage in this. But the topic is authenticity,
5:34
Speaker 1: like being authenticity and like your friendships, your relationships with
5:40
Speaker 1: the show, with everything. But we also are going to
5:43
Speaker 1: dive in a little bit to the speech that Carrie
5:46
Speaker 1: Coon gave during the White Lotus season finale that really.
5:52
Speaker 2: It really uh talks about.
5:56
Speaker 1: Her view on the relationships with the other two women
5:58
Speaker 1: she was with, and but how she saw herself and.
6:03
Speaker 2: What the friendships meant to her.
6:05
Speaker 1: And I think it's to take that line by line
6:09
Speaker 1: and really dissect that and see how it translates to
6:13
Speaker 1: our own lives.
6:14
Speaker 2: So authenticity, I feel like it's just a buzzword, right,
6:17
Speaker 2: Are you being authentic? She's not authentic, he's authentic, She's
6:20
Speaker 2: not authentic. It's like it's one of those words that
6:22
Speaker 2: now is starting to annoy me a little bit. But
6:25
Speaker 2: you know, I guess like gaslighting. A little like gaslighting,
6:29
Speaker 2: I give just tided, But what are people saying it is?
6:31
Speaker 1: Now? Wait, there's another word, weaponizing. People are saying that's yes.
6:35
Speaker 2: Oh my god, there's so much weaponizing. Yeah, oh yeah,
6:40
Speaker 2: all of those. So but listen, I know what it means.
6:43
Speaker 2: I know what it means when I'm not authentic and
6:45
Speaker 2: when I am being authentic. And we're talking right now
6:47
Speaker 2: about how it changes as we get older. So authenticity
6:53
Speaker 2: as we get older, Well, I mean I was a
6:56
Speaker 2: people pleaser my whole life. I think it has to
6:59
Speaker 2: do with probably my relationship with my father and not
7:04
Speaker 2: just my father. But and I think you can. It's
7:06
Speaker 2: hard to be authentic if you're a people pleaser. And
7:10
Speaker 2: I am much less of a people pleaser than I
7:13
Speaker 2: used to be, I think to a fault, Like I
7:20
Speaker 2: have this one story that I tell so that it
7:25
Speaker 2: really just just stuck with me. I had a friend
7:29
Speaker 2: who we had plans to go out for a drink
7:32
Speaker 2: and another friend gotten al and said, Okay, well I'm
7:36
Speaker 2: going out with this fourth person. Let's just all do
7:38
Speaker 2: it together. We'll all go out. The fourth person was
7:41
Speaker 2: someone I was friendly with but not close friends with
7:43
Speaker 2: at that time, and I said in this text chain.
7:48
Speaker 2: I said, no, the person wasn't on the chain. And
7:52
Speaker 2: my friend said, what do you mean no? I said,
7:55
Speaker 2: I don't want to do that, and so she was like, well,
7:59
Speaker 2: what do you mean why not? I said, because I
8:01
Speaker 2: don't want to. I don't want to be I don't
8:03
Speaker 2: want to be around anyone tonight that I'm not whatever
8:05
Speaker 2: she's like, but we're all going out, you know her,
8:07
Speaker 2: we're friends. And I said, so, do you want me
8:10
Speaker 2: to lie and to make up a reason to tell
8:12
Speaker 2: you no? The reason I don't want to is simply
8:15
Speaker 2: because I don't want to, and I just remember owning
8:17
Speaker 2: that Like that moment for me probably sounds a little silly,
8:22
Speaker 2: but was so huge, Like I don't need to make
8:24
Speaker 2: up an excuse. I don't want to go out with
8:27
Speaker 2: someone that I'm not very good friends with tonight. I
8:29
Speaker 2: don't feel like shooting. I don't want to hear about
8:31
Speaker 2: their kids. I don't want to have to, you know,
8:33
Speaker 2: ask about the things. I'm tired. My time is limited.
8:37
Speaker 2: But I for some reason, it felt very authentic to me,
8:41
Speaker 2: and it feels to me I wish that I could
8:43
Speaker 2: operate like that all the time. And it wasn't being mean.
8:46
Speaker 1: I think that as you get oh, I certainly as
8:49
Speaker 1: I've gotten older, the biggest power that I've I've sensed
8:54
Speaker 1: like the biggest change is being able to say no.
8:57
Speaker 2: No.
8:58
Speaker 1: It is not feel or not feeling says bad, you know,
9:01
Speaker 1: because I always felt bad. I was a yes person
9:04
Speaker 1: for so long, and I have no problem saying no now.
9:08
Speaker 1: And I have the wisdom to know. I mean, I'm
9:11
Speaker 1: almost fifty, and I have this feeling that has only
9:15
Speaker 1: come in the past few years that if I am
9:18
Speaker 1: being myself and someone doesn't like it.
9:21
Speaker 2: They're not for me, they are not my person a.
9:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I do since sometimes I stop now and
9:29
Speaker 1: take stock of how I'm actually feeling, and I know
9:33
Speaker 1: who makes me feel good and who doesn't. And I
9:36
Speaker 1: really enjoy being around the people who make me feel good.
9:40
Speaker 2: And I say yes to that a lot, but I
9:41
Speaker 2: say no to a lot of things now. I don't
9:44
Speaker 2: feel like I feel like life is really short. And
9:49
Speaker 2: I've seen.
9:51
Speaker 1: Many people that I know not doing well, like in
9:55
Speaker 1: you know, getting sick or really they're just things happening.
9:58
Speaker 2: Yeah you. I have four friends right now who were
10:02
Speaker 2: recently diagnostic cancer.
10:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I kind of don't want to waste the time,
10:07
Speaker 1: you know, waste time doing things that don't make me
10:09
Speaker 1: happy anymore. And I think that I'm really lucky because I,
10:14
Speaker 1: for a long time, like you, I was a people
10:15
Speaker 1: pleaser and I had a really hard time saying no.
10:17
Speaker 1: I didn't want people to be disappointed in me. I
10:19
Speaker 1: was always worried about what people thought of me, and
10:22
Speaker 1: just really getting rid of all of that as I
10:25
Speaker 1: get older. And it's not just a function of age,
10:28
Speaker 1: I think that's a function also a therapy, but I
10:31
Speaker 1: think being able to say no to things has opened
10:34
Speaker 1: my life up a lot.
10:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, therapy has definitely helped me. And I'm
10:38
Speaker 2: not always I'm not perfect at it. I still find
10:41
Speaker 2: myself getting caught up in people pleasing and saying what
10:45
Speaker 2: I think that people want to hear. But I'm way
10:47
Speaker 2: more aware of it. I do it way less than
10:49
Speaker 2: I used to, and I'm always like my therapist always
10:54
Speaker 2: says to me, like I'm already ahead the game because
10:56
Speaker 2: I can see it, so I can see that I'm
10:59
Speaker 2: actually doing it. You know, Yes, agree, And I think.
11:04
Speaker 1: You know, people ask a lot about the show is
11:07
Speaker 1: it real, or the friendship's real or all of that real?
11:11
Speaker 2: And I have a few opinions on that.
11:13
Speaker 1: I mean, first of all, on the show, it's very
11:17
Speaker 1: hard to be completely real because and I'm not just
11:20
Speaker 1: saying me, I'm saying in general. First of all, you
11:25
Speaker 1: have to say things that you wouldn't normally say in
11:28
Speaker 1: real life. Right Like, if you dislike somebody and you
11:30
Speaker 1: walk into a room with them, my baseline would be
11:33
Speaker 1: to just not pay attention to them. But on a
11:35
Speaker 1: show where you're getting paid to give your opinion, you
11:38
Speaker 1: cannot do that. You can't just like close up, so
11:43
Speaker 1: you're saying things that you probably wouldn't say ordinarily in
11:47
Speaker 1: real life, even though you do feel them right. You're
11:51
Speaker 1: confronting people that you would probably just ignore. And I
11:57
Speaker 1: also think that there's this like this constant like knowledge
12:03
Speaker 1: that the audience is going to judge you, and nobody
12:07
Speaker 1: wants to be punched in the face for the next
12:09
Speaker 1: like three months, So you're not going to say even
12:12
Speaker 1: if you think something, you're not going to say the
12:14
Speaker 1: things that are going to get you absolutely destroyed online
12:17
Speaker 1: unless you've had too much to drink properly.
12:20
Speaker 2: Right well, but that you know, it's so funny because
12:22
Speaker 2: I think that's part of what made the very beginning
12:26
Speaker 2: of Housewife specifically like for me at least like New
12:29
Speaker 2: York I didn't watch this Orange County as much at
12:33
Speaker 2: the very beginning, but they had no knowledge of what
12:37
Speaker 2: could happen or would happen, or you know, the social
12:40
Speaker 2: media of it all, so there was they had no
12:43
Speaker 2: way to prepare themselves. And as talking about authenticity, I
12:46
Speaker 2: feel like they were so authentic and it's very hard
12:51
Speaker 2: to do it now because you see what can happen
12:55
Speaker 2: right like back in the day of the Housewives franchises,
13:02
Speaker 2: it was a you know, there was a clean no
13:05
Speaker 2: one knew what anything could turn into. So yeah, definitely
13:09
Speaker 2: more sort of self awareness, which I guess is sometimes
13:14
Speaker 2: translated into not being as authentic, right right, Yeah, I mean,
13:18
Speaker 2: but it is hard.
13:20
Speaker 1: It is hard to be completely totally authentic on the shows.
13:27
Speaker 2: But I did. I always tried my hardest. I've got
13:31
Speaker 2: to say that those are the words I really tried.
13:33
Speaker 2: And I think that people ask me all the tomic
13:35
Speaker 2: would you do differently? I did the best I could
13:38
Speaker 2: and with what I had in every single moment, and
13:42
Speaker 2: I tried to be as honest as I could be.
13:45
Speaker 2: I think that I fee feel differently about situations now
13:47
Speaker 2: than I did when I was on the show. Maybe
13:49
Speaker 2: I would react differently now, but I can't say I
13:53
Speaker 2: have regrets per se because I was in the moment.
13:57
Speaker 2: No me, neither me neither not at all. I thing
14:01
Speaker 2: I was trying my best.
14:03
Speaker 1: I did have a season where I cried a lot,
14:06
Speaker 1: and I think maybe I would try to be a
14:09
Speaker 1: little stronger that season. But but that's authentic as you can, Yes,
14:13
Speaker 1: I know, but also like it's a show, like it's
14:15
Speaker 1: not that deep you know. So okay, so let's talk
14:20
Speaker 1: about making new friends at this sage.
14:23
Speaker 2: Do you enjoy making new friends or do you? Are
14:27
Speaker 2: you so? In all honesty, Jack, I've been I've always
14:30
Speaker 2: there are certain things that like we all are born
14:33
Speaker 2: with gifted and I don't you know. I talk about
14:37
Speaker 2: this again a lot in therapy. I connect with people
14:39
Speaker 2: very easily and always have from when I was a
14:43
Speaker 2: little kid. So I tend to make friends and I'm
14:47
Speaker 2: not This is not in a braggy way, because everyone
14:49
Speaker 2: has stuff right that they're just born with. I have
14:51
Speaker 2: for some reason, I can just connect with people. It's
14:54
Speaker 2: you know, I have a million bad things about me,
14:56
Speaker 2: good things about me, whatever. But as I'm getting older,
15:01
Speaker 2: I want to less and less. Like I'm not as
15:05
Speaker 2: interested in making new friends as I used to be.
15:08
Speaker 2: So I'm know if that's a good thing or bad thing,
15:09
Speaker 2: it's just what it is. I don't really feel like
15:11
Speaker 2: bringing new people as much into my world unless I
15:15
Speaker 2: really connect with someone and you know, I have some
15:19
Speaker 2: crazy kind of chemistry with someone. Friendship work, you know,
15:24
Speaker 2: and I don't know, I feel like I have a
15:27
Speaker 2: lot of friends now and I'm not as eager to
15:31
Speaker 2: you know, connect like I used.
15:33
Speaker 1: To be, are you. I enjoy making new friends, but
15:40
Speaker 1: only if I really feel that connection, then I'll pursue it.
15:43
Speaker 1: If not, I get lazy with it because I have
15:46
Speaker 1: my people. I have my girls here in my town.
15:49
Speaker 1: I have my college friends, and I have like my
15:53
Speaker 1: like you know you, I have like other friends like
15:56
Speaker 1: that are like single friends, you know, like, But I
16:01
Speaker 1: I don't know. I like making friends. But I have
16:02
Speaker 1: this one friend and she has a million friends, right,
16:06
Speaker 1: and she is invited to like every single thing. She's
16:10
Speaker 1: friends with, every single person I know, every party you
16:13
Speaker 1: go to, she's there. And I was talking to her,
16:16
Speaker 1: and she said, I really.
16:18
Speaker 2: Just like people. Because I said, how do you keep
16:20
Speaker 2: up with all of these things?
16:22
Speaker 1: She said, I really enjoy people, like I love hearing
16:26
Speaker 1: people's stories and seeing people's lives and knowing people's like adventures,
16:32
Speaker 1: and like, I just thought to myself, that's such an
16:34
Speaker 1: interesting way. I don't think she gets in so deep
16:37
Speaker 1: with anybody, but she just loves like she has her
16:40
Speaker 1: close friends, but she just loves being around people. Think,
16:46
Speaker 1: I think, to each their own, but like to Evan,
16:50
Speaker 1: I love people anymore, I guess I used to.
16:52
Speaker 2: I know I connect with people easily. I'm also I
16:55
Speaker 2: love being alone. I love like I love my alone time.
17:00
Speaker 2: I don't know. Do you feel like you love people
17:02
Speaker 2: so much? I love the people I love. I don't.
17:07
Speaker 2: I don't love you, know what. It's funny. I do
17:09
Speaker 2: like people. I do.
17:11
Speaker 1: I'm one of those people who I like you until
17:13
Speaker 1: you give me reason not to like you. And Evan
17:15
Speaker 1: is the opposite. He doesn't like anybody until they give
17:17
Speaker 1: him reasons to like him, and then he loves them.
17:19
Speaker 1: But he, like my baseline is to start off really
17:23
Speaker 1: liking you. And I am easy to get along with.
17:28
Speaker 1: And I'm an easy forgiver too, unless I've been burned,
17:31
Speaker 1: like a few times, then I won't.
17:32
Speaker 2: But I think I am at least an easy forgiver.
17:36
Speaker 2: It's not a good thing or a bad thing. You think?
17:39
Speaker 2: Is that a good thing? I think it's a good
17:40
Speaker 2: thing probably. And I'm also an easy apologizer, like I
17:44
Speaker 2: don't have a hard time saying I'm sorry me neither me,
17:47
Speaker 2: neither you and I would we be friends if it
17:50
Speaker 2: wasn't for the show. I think, in all honesty we
17:54
Speaker 2: would probably be. This is gonna be a weird thing
17:57
Speaker 2: to say, even better friends. I one hundred percent agree
18:01
Speaker 2: with that.
18:02
Speaker 1: I do because I think that there's well, first of all,
18:05
Speaker 1: you're friends with people who don't like me, which means
18:08
Speaker 1: that we can't always go to things together. But also
18:13
Speaker 1: and I'm friends with people that don't like me, No,
18:17
Speaker 1: they like you. Actually, well we can discuss that all.
18:21
Speaker 1: That's a whole other yes, but I think that also,
18:27
Speaker 1: like it's weird, like if the show came back and
18:32
Speaker 1: one of us was back and one of us wasn't,
18:35
Speaker 1: I don't see how that wouldn't make things awkward.
18:38
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I guess. I mean I'm more like this show. Yes, yes,
18:45
Speaker 2: for being on it, of course, that's yes, But I
18:47
Speaker 2: sort of mean more like because with the show and
18:51
Speaker 2: just what it is, right, it is about conflict resolution
18:54
Speaker 2: and and we're together all the time in this very
18:59
Speaker 2: in this micro cause, in the arena. But without that,
19:04
Speaker 2: you know, what would we ever we met in Upper
19:07
Speaker 2: Cell River or Tenafly and let's say I was a
19:09
Speaker 2: little younger or you were a little older, kids the
19:11
Speaker 2: same age. I mean, how would we not get along? Right?
19:15
Speaker 1: Like, we're basically very similar. And I think that's what
19:18
Speaker 1: Drew us to each other from the beginning.
19:21
Speaker 2: I mean, just a lot of a lot in common
19:25
Speaker 2: and not you know, a lot maybe because we're Jewish
19:27
Speaker 2: and we have kids while mine are older again, but
19:31
Speaker 2: we run in similar circles and so and then you
19:35
Speaker 2: would take away that piece of it that was hard
19:37
Speaker 2: to navigate, which is a lot of times has to
19:40
Speaker 2: do with.
19:40
Speaker 1: The show, right, Yeah, for sure, And the show is
19:44
Speaker 1: not going to last forever. So I think that's a
19:46
Speaker 1: really exciting thing for us, right Like when the show
19:50
Speaker 1: is completely over for both of us, I think that
19:52
Speaker 1: maybe we could explore like a new part of listen.
19:57
Speaker 2: We also have this together, so we're bonded through this.
19:59
Speaker 2: And I'm not trying to say that, you know, we're
20:01
Speaker 2: not good friends, but the show makes things complicated, and sometimes,
20:04
Speaker 2: you know, it becomes for all of us. I don't
20:07
Speaker 2: think anyone gets away without feeling that kind of tension
20:11
Speaker 2: that comes with the show. And there's a lot of
20:13
Speaker 2: competition and there's a lot of yes.
20:15
Speaker 1: And I will tell you this, I have circled through
20:18
Speaker 1: friends on this show, and no matter who I was
20:21
Speaker 1: friends with at any given time, everyone was bad mouthing everyone.
20:25
Speaker 1: And I will just say that so I'm not sure
20:29
Speaker 1: how authentic friendships are, and it's the reason why I
20:32
Speaker 1: didn't watch Beverly Hills this season. But it's the reason
20:35
Speaker 1: why someone like Garcela leaves and unfollows everyone on the cast.
20:38
Speaker 1: It's because the friendships aren't They're built on a shared experience,
20:47
Speaker 1: and once that experience is gone, I think a piece
20:49
Speaker 1: of the friendship disintegrates. Even if you didn't watch White Lotus,
21:02
Speaker 1: you didn't need to in order to really get involved
21:07
Speaker 1: in this part of it. To stay with us, we're
21:11
Speaker 1: going to read you this speech by Carrie Kuhon.
21:14
Speaker 2: So just a preface.
21:16
Speaker 1: Three women in the White Lotus cast were on a
21:20
Speaker 1: girl's trip together.
21:21
Speaker 2: They were childhood friends.
21:23
Speaker 1: One of the women, she's a beautiful actress married to
21:30
Speaker 1: a younger man. Another woman is played by Leslie Bibb,
21:34
Speaker 1: and she's sort of like has it all together, fancy
21:40
Speaker 1: Texas woman an auscar out I don't remember, like a Republican,
21:46
Speaker 1: very polished. And then the third is played by Carrie Kuhn,
21:52
Speaker 1: who is a brilliant actress, and she is sort of
21:56
Speaker 1: like the narchorus of the group, right, like, she does
22:01
Speaker 1: not have her shit together.
22:03
Speaker 2: She's more she's single, she's.
22:06
Speaker 1: Got a like kind of wild teenager, and they had
22:12
Speaker 1: a really interesting week in Thailand where they were often
22:17
Speaker 1: bad mouthing each other when one wasn't in the room.
22:21
Speaker 1: And we're supposed to believe that they were the best
22:24
Speaker 1: of friends from childhood, but you often were questioning how
22:28
Speaker 1: close this group of women were and whether they really
22:31
Speaker 1: liked each other, Right.
22:32
Speaker 2: Scary Jack is that was my favorite part of this
22:36
Speaker 2: of this season, their friend group, their friendship, which is
22:39
Speaker 2: kind of funny because is probably because I relate to it,
22:42
Speaker 2: you know, on some level, like maybe specifically with housewives,
22:45
Speaker 2: but you know that whole sort of it was not
22:50
Speaker 2: so much of their friendship was not authentic. I mean this,
22:53
Speaker 2: this speech at the end that Carry Coons gives I
22:56
Speaker 2: do believe was of course, So we'll get to.
22:58
Speaker 1: That, right, Well, well I'm gonna read it, okay, and
23:02
Speaker 1: then we could break it down.
23:04
Speaker 2: So this is right after the Beautiful Actress.
23:07
Speaker 1: One says she's been on cloud nine all week. So
23:11
Speaker 1: Carrie Kuhn says, that's funny because if I'm being honest,
23:15
Speaker 1: all week, I've been so sad. I just feel like
23:17
Speaker 1: my expectations were too high. Or I just feel like
23:20
Speaker 1: as you get older, you have to justify your life.
23:23
Speaker 2: You know, and your choices.
23:25
Speaker 1: And when I'm with you, guys, it's just so like
23:28
Speaker 1: transparent what my choices were and my mistakes. I have
23:32
Speaker 1: no belief system, and I mean I've had a lot
23:35
Speaker 1: of them, but I mean work was my religion forever,
23:39
Speaker 1: but I definitely lost my belief there and then I
23:42
Speaker 1: tried love and that was just a painful. Religion just
23:45
Speaker 1: made everything worse. And then even for me, just like
23:48
Speaker 1: being a mother, that didn't save me either. But I
23:51
Speaker 1: had this epiphany today, I don't need religion or God
23:54
Speaker 1: to give my life meaning, because time gives a meaning.
23:56
Speaker 1: We started this life together. I mean, we're going through
23:59
Speaker 1: it apart, but we're still together. And I look at you, guys,
24:02
Speaker 1: and it feels meaningful and I can't explain it. But
24:05
Speaker 1: even when we're just sitting around the pool talking about
24:08
Speaker 1: whatever in nine, it still feels very deep. I'm glad
24:12
Speaker 1: you have a beautiful face, and I'm glad that you
24:14
Speaker 1: have a beautiful life, and I'm just happy to be
24:16
Speaker 1: at the table. I love you, so I happen even
24:20
Speaker 1: just prot for by the way, well done, so there's
24:22
Speaker 1: that maybe should get into script and television.
24:25
Speaker 2: And also I didn't I gots to we knew out
24:29
Speaker 2: of it when you just read it. It reminds me
24:31
Speaker 2: so much of my high school friends because there are
24:33
Speaker 2: four of us. We get together once a year. My
24:35
Speaker 2: friend has a house on the Chesapeake in Maryland, and
24:42
Speaker 2: it's this great house and every year we've been doing
24:45
Speaker 2: it for so many years now, and it feels just
24:48
Speaker 2: like what you said. And sometimes, if I'm being honest,
24:53
Speaker 2: it does feel like like you're comparing your life and
24:58
Speaker 2: trying to justify your life. Because I go back with
25:00
Speaker 2: these women since freshman year of high school, and so
25:05
Speaker 2: you see their lives and and it's now we have
25:10
Speaker 2: pure love for each other. I'm very lucky with these
25:13
Speaker 2: three women. There's not jealousy, and there's not it's not
25:16
Speaker 2: like what these three were doing. We don't talk about
25:19
Speaker 2: each other room, but there's something about like having known
25:24
Speaker 2: each other all of these years and like my choice
25:29
Speaker 2: has become very real, Like I live this way, Jill
25:34
Speaker 2: lives this way, Kelly lives this way, Allison lives this way,
25:38
Speaker 2: and maybe I should have lived more like Alison lives
25:41
Speaker 2: or you know, like I mean, there's just a lot
25:44
Speaker 2: that comes right, that gets right in my face when
25:46
Speaker 2: the four of us are together. I agree with that.
25:49
Speaker 1: I have that with my college friends, and we have
25:52
Speaker 1: a very different lives, and again we don't talk about
25:55
Speaker 1: each other. I wouldn't have a bad word to say
25:57
Speaker 1: about any of them if they left the room.
26:00
Speaker 2: But I agree that I look at their lives.
26:03
Speaker 1: And sometimes I'm like, am I spending enough time with
26:06
Speaker 1: my kids?
26:08
Speaker 2: Am I?
26:09
Speaker 1: Like?
26:09
Speaker 2: Should I be living healthier life? I question a lot
26:14
Speaker 2: of my health choices me too, I do that.
26:18
Speaker 1: One thing that got me from the start was Jacqueline
26:23
Speaker 1: saying she had been on cloud nine all week, and
26:25
Speaker 1: I felt like it started off very inauthentic because if
26:28
Speaker 1: you watch the show, you saw that she couldn't reach
26:31
Speaker 1: her husband. She's married to a younger man married no,
26:35
Speaker 1: I think it was her husband. Yeah, And then she
26:40
Speaker 1: spoiler alert she cheated on him with Valentine, right, And
26:48
Speaker 1: I just felt like, if you're doing that, and you
26:54
Speaker 1: and you're so she seemed very hungry to be recognized
26:59
Speaker 1: and very just like I felt like she fearly was
27:07
Speaker 1: not happy, Like maybe she loved being famous and beautiful,
27:11
Speaker 1: but there was definitely a missing piece. And I think
27:13
Speaker 1: to say that you were on cloud nine all week
27:15
Speaker 1: when you were unable to reach your husband, wondering what
27:18
Speaker 1: he was doing, and then cheating on him, I think.
27:22
Speaker 2: That's and then having it having to actually be confronted
27:27
Speaker 2: about cheating by your other two friends.
27:28
Speaker 1: Like that didn't go well, and bad mouthing your friends.
27:32
Speaker 1: I don't think that's a happy person. I just don't.
27:35
Speaker 1: I don't see how you could say that you've been
27:36
Speaker 1: on cloud nine all week. I feel like this there
27:39
Speaker 1: was a lot of pretending to be happy. And I
27:42
Speaker 1: think a lot of women pretend to be happy because
27:46
Speaker 1: if you don't keep that happy face on, a lot
27:48
Speaker 1: of sadness can come in. You know, it's hard being
27:52
Speaker 1: our age. We might not talk our age me Jackie Goldschneider.
27:56
Speaker 1: Our age means middle aged. It's that the indivisible woman
28:00
Speaker 1: thing that we talked about last year. You know, at
28:03
Speaker 1: this age, you're you're really kind of like neither here
28:07
Speaker 1: nor there. Your children leave, everyone seems younger. I remember
28:11
Speaker 1: getting to my town, moving to my town, and I
28:13
Speaker 1: was like, ah, like I'm the young new blood, and
28:16
Speaker 1: like I'm young, and like so many people, you're old
28:19
Speaker 1: and now like I'm old and so many people here
28:21
Speaker 1: are young.
28:22
Speaker 2: Oh, it's so weird. Women are all my friends are
28:25
Speaker 2: leaving now. They're all downside moving to Florida right move
28:28
Speaker 2: in to Arizona. People are just moving. Man.
28:32
Speaker 1: It's like it's it's it's crazy, Like I don't feel
28:35
Speaker 1: old personally, but I'm older, you know. And I think
28:41
Speaker 1: that if you don't keep a happy face on sometimes
28:44
Speaker 1: and keep a facade on sometimes, that you can get
28:48
Speaker 1: kind of depressed. So I understand it. But at the
28:51
Speaker 1: same time, I don't think. I don't think that Jacqueline's
28:54
Speaker 1: character was being authentic.
28:56
Speaker 2: I don't either, But I also I don't I don't
28:59
Speaker 2: keep a happy face on all the time. No, no, no,
29:02
Speaker 2: I don't either. I'm just saying for a lot of
29:03
Speaker 2: what No, I know, I'm not even saying you me,
29:05
Speaker 2: but like like that whole thing, like I don't know,
29:08
Speaker 2: I'm not good, like when I'm unhappy, like everyone has
29:11
Speaker 2: to know about it. I mean not really not me,
29:14
Speaker 2: Like I'll like if you ask me, how are you,
29:15
Speaker 2: and I'm not okay, I'm not okay. I don't really
29:19
Speaker 2: and maybe that's partially I mean, I guess I'm authentic
29:22
Speaker 2: in that in that way, and everything in my life
29:26
Speaker 2: is not perfect and it is not weird, like I don'tant.
29:31
Speaker 2: I have a lot of blessings, but I also have
29:34
Speaker 2: a lot to deal with all the time, like we
29:36
Speaker 2: all do.
29:37
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, how did you feel about?
29:43
Speaker 2: Okay?
29:43
Speaker 1: So I read a lot of I tend to deep
29:46
Speaker 1: dive when I'm really interested in something, So I deep
29:48
Speaker 1: dived White.
29:50
Speaker 2: Lotus a lot.
29:51
Speaker 1: But specifically this speech, you know, Carrie Coon kind of
29:58
Speaker 1: indicates that friendships are what give her life meaning, right,
30:04
Speaker 1: And I saw a lot of different opinions on whether
30:09
Speaker 1: friendship is enough, and I think for some people it
30:14
Speaker 1: could be right, but for me that would not be enough,
30:18
Speaker 1: you mean in terms of what I don't get it? So, okay,
30:22
Speaker 1: So for ex, like if you didn't have a husband
30:24
Speaker 1: and children you mean, yeah, So I don't think that
30:30
Speaker 1: friendships can replace everything else. I mean that's just me personally.
30:38
Speaker 1: I think that friendships are amazing, but I don't know
30:45
Speaker 1: many people who would. I certainly wouldn't die for my friends, right,
30:51
Speaker 1: but I would from my family. And I don't know
30:54
Speaker 1: that the friendships are deep enough two be what gives
31:00
Speaker 1: your life meaning. It will be amazing, but not for
31:04
Speaker 1: me personally. They wouldn't be enough now that I know otherwise,
31:07
Speaker 1: they wouldn't be enough to give my life.
31:08
Speaker 2: Meaning, I just thought of So, my sister has a
31:12
Speaker 2: best friend, and when I say a best friend, I
31:15
Speaker 2: mean like a best friend on the phone with each other,
31:20
Speaker 2: anything that happens. All of us know her, her kid,
31:23
Speaker 2: my sister's kids, she is, she's family. I mean they
31:26
Speaker 2: are as close as I am to Robin, like I
31:30
Speaker 2: that's how close her friend is to her. And they
31:33
Speaker 2: probably share a lot more than even my sister and
31:35
Speaker 2: I do. I mean, it has it is different because
31:37
Speaker 2: we have a mother and father that we share and
31:40
Speaker 2: you know, it's whatever. But my point is that recently
31:46
Speaker 2: my sister's friend got diagnosed with cancer and my which
31:52
Speaker 2: I don't want to even get into because whatever, I'm
31:54
Speaker 2: not saying her name, but it doesn't matter. But anyway,
31:57
Speaker 2: I just kept thinking like this person too, so so
32:01
Speaker 2: first I thought of her, but then also I thought
32:03
Speaker 2: of my sister because she is a part of my
32:07
Speaker 2: sister's life and as important to her, I feel like
32:10
Speaker 2: as anybody can be, and she is. It's hard to
32:17
Speaker 2: picture one of them without the other. And I mean that, like,
32:20
Speaker 2: I don't know that. I have a lot of very
32:21
Speaker 2: close friendships, but in this case, I feel like they're
32:27
Speaker 2: just like that. It's like, you have a husband, you
32:30
Speaker 2: have kids, and you have for my sister, she has
32:32
Speaker 2: this best friend. I think it is possible to have
32:35
Speaker 2: friends that are that close. This friend of hers is
32:37
Speaker 2: not married, doesn't have kids, but everything is just Robin
32:42
Speaker 2: and her kids. So I don't know, just maybe think
32:45
Speaker 2: of that, And I don't know, I really.
32:47
Speaker 1: Because I it comes back to the well, who would
32:51
Speaker 1: you lay your life down for and who would do
32:53
Speaker 1: it for you? And I don't think that there's people
32:56
Speaker 1: outside of my family.
32:58
Speaker 2: Well later that's a hard one. I mean kids, because
33:01
Speaker 2: that's just well.
33:02
Speaker 1: But also like who would you trust completely one hundred
33:07
Speaker 1: percent trust? Right? I love my friends and I've had
33:11
Speaker 1: the same best friend since I'm eighteen. She was my
33:13
Speaker 1: maid of honor, I was hers and we're still best friends.
33:17
Speaker 1: And I don't think that there's anyone in the world
33:22
Speaker 1: that I would one hundred percent trust aside from.
33:27
Speaker 2: My family, like my my trust do you mean tell
33:30
Speaker 2: people things?
33:32
Speaker 1: Just like if it came down to not even like
33:36
Speaker 1: tell people, Yeah, my deepest darkest secret.
33:38
Speaker 2: Maybe that I don't know that I would one.
33:41
Speaker 1: Hundred percent trust that anyone who's not my immediate family would.
33:48
Speaker 2: Would hold that sacred. You know, and I do have
33:51
Speaker 2: very strong friendships. I'm just being honest. I don't we
33:56
Speaker 2: do here. Yeah, I don't.
33:59
Speaker 1: Think that there's I don't think that friendships run as
34:03
Speaker 1: deep and they can be beautiful, and they can, and
34:05
Speaker 1: I have amazing friendships, but I don't think they run
34:07
Speaker 1: as deep as family.
34:08
Speaker 2: I just don't. And I know that a lot of
34:11
Speaker 2: people would spew that, but I just don't nothing. I mean,
34:16
Speaker 2: that's been your experience. So yeah, And I love my friendships.
34:20
Speaker 2: I just maybe I just don't.
34:22
Speaker 1: Look I don't need them to be that for me
34:24
Speaker 1: because I have a big family.
34:34
Speaker 2: Do you say I love you to your friends and
34:36
Speaker 2: do you always mean it? I don't know. Do I
34:38
Speaker 2: always mean it? Is I love you a lot? I
34:41
Speaker 2: always say I love you. It's not the same I
34:43
Speaker 2: love you. I guess I love you? Is are different
34:44
Speaker 2: for different telling my mother I love her or my kids?
34:49
Speaker 2: Or is it the same? I don't know. It comes
34:51
Speaker 2: very naturally to me to say I love you, so
34:54
Speaker 2: I don't It's a great question. I have to think
34:55
Speaker 2: about it. I mean, I don't think I don't mean it.
34:58
Speaker 2: Maybe I don't know. I had out love you say
35:01
Speaker 2: it too easily. I don't know easily. Yeah.
35:03
Speaker 1: Like if I'm leaving dinner with like six women and
35:06
Speaker 1: three of them are close and three are not, I'll
35:08
Speaker 1: say love you to everyone. I do so A lot
35:11
Speaker 1: of times I don't mean it.
35:14
Speaker 2: What is love you mean? Like, for a friend, love
35:16
Speaker 2: you means I don't know, that means I'll die.
35:18
Speaker 1: I do love my friends, Yeah, but I don't love
35:20
Speaker 1: my acquaintances and I hands it out.
35:23
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, right.
35:25
Speaker 1: But I think in this instance, and I heard that
35:28
Speaker 1: the I love yous were not part of the speech
35:30
Speaker 1: that Mike White wrote that they all kind of impurpose.
35:33
Speaker 2: You know that the way they said those I love
35:35
Speaker 2: yous were very different than like a casual I love
35:38
Speaker 2: you like. They looked each other in the eye after
35:41
Speaker 2: that speech, and they weren't saying it in like a
35:44
Speaker 2: cute way. They were really saying it. Did you notice
35:46
Speaker 2: that it was cool? I did, And I think it
35:48
Speaker 2: served an important purpose.
35:51
Speaker 1: I think it sort of brought them all back to
35:55
Speaker 1: the same place of we have shit and we know,
35:59
Speaker 1: we have shit, and like we're not perfect friends and
36:04
Speaker 1: we don't have perfect lives, but at the end of
36:07
Speaker 1: it all, we're there for each other.
36:09
Speaker 2: Because they really they were saying, like the real me
36:11
Speaker 2: sees the real you like who I am, all of
36:14
Speaker 2: my shit, regardless of her beautiful face or her beautiful
36:18
Speaker 2: life or her like you know, past all that, Like
36:21
Speaker 2: there's actual real love there.
36:24
Speaker 1: Yeah. I didn't feel bad for Carrie Coon's character though.
36:29
Speaker 1: I kind of felt like she was a free bird.
36:32
Speaker 2: She was a little bit she also at times they
36:33
Speaker 2: all were, I mean, have it is that one would
36:36
Speaker 2: leave the room and the other twoul talk, and then
36:37
Speaker 2: the other lead the room and the other two would talk.
36:38
Speaker 2: I mean, it was definitely Carrie. She wasn't like, you know,
36:42
Speaker 2: she loved shooting like some shade. Yeah.
36:45
Speaker 1: Those were not friendships though that I I feel drawn to.
36:49
Speaker 1: I don't like the thought of a friend talking about
36:52
Speaker 1: me when I leave the room, and I try really
36:54
Speaker 1: hard not to talk about friends behind their back. I
36:58
Speaker 1: go back and forth with how I feel about Sometimes
37:01
Speaker 1: I really like it, and then I feel bad because
37:04
Speaker 1: I feel like it it's a little toxic.
37:07
Speaker 2: It is definitely toxic, and I definitely also like it.
37:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I think I've heard that gossip is a
37:14
Speaker 1: very like natural human way to make like the world
37:18
Speaker 1: makes sense to you.
37:20
Speaker 2: It makes us feel better. Yeah, but I'm trying.
37:26
Speaker 1: And you know, another thing that came up when I
37:29
Speaker 1: was deep diving all of this is something called the
37:31
Speaker 1: modern woman's dilemma.
37:32
Speaker 2: So there was a USA Today article about.
37:35
Speaker 1: How talking about Carrie Coon's speech and sort of how
37:40
Speaker 1: women have achieved so much and we are still like
37:45
Speaker 1: we are the most unhappy that we've been.
37:48
Speaker 2: Some of the.
37:49
Speaker 1: Research was saying that women in the US do better
37:52
Speaker 1: than ever before, And there was a Pew Research Center
37:55
Speaker 1: pole that said last year women earned an average of
37:59
Speaker 1: eighty five percent.
38:00
Speaker 2: It was up four percentage points from twenty to twenty three.
38:03
Speaker 2: We earn eighty five percent of what men earn.
38:04
Speaker 1: We have more college degrees than men, and single women
38:07
Speaker 1: own more homes than single men, and just women are
38:12
Speaker 1: just doing so great and they are so unhappy. They're
38:15
Speaker 1: calling it the female happiness paradox. We have much more anxiety, depression, sadness, loneliness, anger,
38:23
Speaker 1: mental health.
38:25
Speaker 2: I mean it's same as kids. Kids have all these
38:27
Speaker 2: things now that we didn't have right, all.
38:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, the kids, I think is social media, but
38:32
Speaker 1: also I think there's also yes, but it's yes, definitely
38:35
Speaker 1: it's technology in general though, you know, And it's like
38:38
Speaker 1: even if it's video games, it's still the kids have
38:42
Speaker 1: more materialistically, well not all kids, I guess, and kids
38:46
Speaker 1: are now you know, anxiety among adolescents is an epidemic.
38:52
Speaker 2: But anyway, we're talking about women our age. Yes, so
38:55
Speaker 2: what is that about it? Why do you think that
38:56
Speaker 2: we're so unhappy? You think it's technology.
38:59
Speaker 1: I'm not personally so unhappy, but I know a lot
39:02
Speaker 1: of women who are.
39:04
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, I mean everything all roads lead back
39:09
Speaker 2: to social media, right, But I don't know. I think
39:14
Speaker 2: we have way more access to each other's lives and
39:17
Speaker 2: by each other just mean our friends and our family,
39:18
Speaker 2: but around the world, right, like we see, right.
39:21
Speaker 1: Which I think makes it very easy to compare ourselves
39:26
Speaker 1: to other people. And I think comparison, it's very true,
39:29
Speaker 1: it's the thief of joy. It's any time I start
39:32
Speaker 1: to compare myself to other people, I feel bad instantly.
39:36
Speaker 2: To comparison, to despair. If you hear that. Yeah, so,
39:41
Speaker 2: but also like I don't know, there's a lot this
39:45
Speaker 2: world is not This is not an easy place to
39:49
Speaker 2: be right now. I mean I can think of when
39:51
Speaker 2: I feel unhappy, and part of it, yes, I think
39:54
Speaker 2: it has to do with comparing and social media and
39:58
Speaker 2: all of that, but also just world is so crazy
40:00
Speaker 2: and I can get myself caught up in thinking about
40:04
Speaker 2: the Middle East and Israel and just be depressed and
40:08
Speaker 2: and you know, it's this is a crazy world that
40:11
Speaker 2: we live in, no matter how much stuff we have,
40:14
Speaker 2: and certainly you and I are very blessed, and there
40:17
Speaker 2: always gonna beeple that people that have more than us
40:19
Speaker 2: and people that have left way less and way more.
40:23
Speaker 2: We have enough, and that how you know, luckier we
40:25
Speaker 2: that we don't have to we're not hungry, and we
40:27
Speaker 2: have way more than we even need. But still there's unhappiness.
40:33
Speaker 1: Well, I think you know what social media does is
40:35
Speaker 1: makes a lot of things anti climactic. Like I always
40:39
Speaker 1: said to myself, if I ever get to actually publish
40:44
Speaker 1: a book, like that's all I'll ever need in life.
40:48
Speaker 1: And then I published a book, and like three weeks later,
40:50
Speaker 1: I was kind of like, yeah, it doesn't feel like
40:54
Speaker 1: it's amazing, but it doesn't feel like I thought it
40:57
Speaker 1: would feel because then I look on and I see
41:00
Speaker 1: people whose books better than mine, and I see people
41:04
Speaker 1: who are on longer book tours and people who are
41:06
Speaker 1: enjoying it more. And I was, and it makes everything
41:10
Speaker 1: kind of feel anti climactic, right, And then it said
41:14
Speaker 1: to myself, God, if I ever get an podcast on
41:17
Speaker 1: iHeart and a.
41:18
Speaker 2: Book, it's all all ever fucking read in the world.
41:23
Speaker 1: And now I've got a podcast on iHeart and a book,
41:26
Speaker 1: and it's kind of like how life works.
41:28
Speaker 2: Well, I don't. I don't feel satisfied yet what else
41:32
Speaker 2: do I know?
41:33
Speaker 1: FOT is different than an unhappy Like, No, I'm not unhappy.
41:36
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like social media, I'm saying, this is
41:39
Speaker 1: why I'm happy, because nothing is ever good enough because
41:42
Speaker 1: you were always seeing what everyone else is doing.
41:44
Speaker 2: Well. I always tell the story of how when we
41:47
Speaker 2: this is our third house in my town, and when
41:50
Speaker 2: we saw it and we were bidding on it and
41:52
Speaker 2: hoping to get it, I remember saying, if I end
41:56
Speaker 2: up we end up getting this house, I will never
41:58
Speaker 2: have an unhappy day. I can ever like and the house,
42:01
Speaker 2: my house is a beautiful house. It's not you know,
42:04
Speaker 2: I don't live enough in a mansion and it's it
42:07
Speaker 2: is just a beautiful house that I fell in love
42:08
Speaker 2: with when I saw it, and I thought, I'll never
42:10
Speaker 2: be unhappy. I can't be unhappy living in this house.
42:14
Speaker 1: I mean, I do recall someone on our cast saying
42:16
Speaker 1: it was a cute little house.
42:17
Speaker 2: Yes, I definitely it was a cute little house. Yes,
42:22
Speaker 2: everything you have that perspective, I suppose, but it is.
42:25
Speaker 2: It is a cute house. Just I love my house, gorgeous.
42:29
Speaker 2: I've had many unhappy moments here, so yeah, I know,
42:34
Speaker 2: I just you know what, and I do feel like
42:36
Speaker 2: unhappy ones.
42:37
Speaker 1: It does sound like therapy mumbo jumbo, but it brings
42:43
Speaker 1: ties back everything about authenticity and female friendships and all
42:48
Speaker 1: of it and what gives life meaning. And I think
42:50
Speaker 1: that you really are not going to find and I
42:53
Speaker 1: learned this the hard way. You're not going to find
42:56
Speaker 1: happiness from external stuff, because there's always going to be
42:59
Speaker 1: some one doing it better, someone who looks better, someone
43:02
Speaker 1: who's richer, smarter, achieving more. You really have to do
43:06
Speaker 1: the inner work. And like I envy so much the
43:11
Speaker 1: people who are so at peace with their lives and
43:14
Speaker 1: happy with their lives that they don't search for external validation,
43:18
Speaker 1: because as much as I've conquered my insecurities, I still
43:23
Speaker 1: need more external validation than I'm comfortable with.
43:27
Speaker 2: And I think that's so human, right, It's like that's
43:30
Speaker 2: I think most most of us, specifically women, but like
43:34
Speaker 2: feel like that, and I mean, you get better, right,
43:38
Speaker 2: I Mean, we've talked a lot about this, but it's
43:42
Speaker 2: not trying to be You're trying, you know, if you're
43:44
Speaker 2: trying to climb up the ladder, whatever the ladder is.
43:49
Speaker 2: I don't know, the social ladder at the door, let's
43:51
Speaker 2: say the ladder of fame, or and you're up at
43:53
Speaker 2: the top right now, you're famous, and you are, you
43:57
Speaker 2: feel beautiful, and all you worry about is the fall,
44:00
Speaker 2: writer is losing what you have up here, And then
44:02
Speaker 2: when you're down at the bottom, you can only concentrate
44:05
Speaker 2: on climbing that ladder, getting somewhere. And meanwhile, the idea
44:09
Speaker 2: is to know that you're special, you're enough, you have enough,
44:14
Speaker 2: like living in dignity doesn't matter if you're up here
44:17
Speaker 2: or down here. I mean I've told that. My shrink
44:20
Speaker 2: told me that a long time ago, and it's always
44:22
Speaker 2: sort of stuck with me, and especially like in the
44:24
Speaker 2: crazy world that I've been living in. You've been living
44:26
Speaker 2: in longer than I have. But of reality television where
44:29
Speaker 2: oh everybody likes me, and then what if they don't
44:32
Speaker 2: like me tomorrow or nobody likes me? How do I
44:34
Speaker 2: make them like me? You know, it's like it has
44:36
Speaker 2: to just living authentically, maybe just like it doesn't matter.
44:39
Speaker 2: I know who I am. I do the best I can.
44:43
Speaker 2: I love who I love. Blah blah blah blah blah.
44:45
Speaker 1: Yeah. Same, But I don't want I don't want you
44:48
Speaker 1: to take wrong what I said. I think female friendships
44:51
Speaker 1: are incredibly important, and they're incredibly important to me. I
44:55
Speaker 1: just don't me personally. I don't think that they replace
44:59
Speaker 1: the their relationship wrong with what you said.
45:02
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, I don't. This is your experience, Like
45:07
Speaker 2: that's another one of those buzz things I can't expressions.
45:09
Speaker 2: It's your experience and that's your value.
45:12
Speaker 1: Journey, Journey stopped gaslighting, Journey, stop gas lighting.
45:16
Speaker 2: I'm weaponizing my life. But I you know, I do.
45:21
Speaker 1: I do enjoy making new friends, and I don't think
45:23
Speaker 1: you're ever too old to make new friends. And I
45:29
Speaker 1: don't know, I think I really struggled with friendships when
45:31
Speaker 1: I was in high school and so now I I appreciate.
45:34
Speaker 2: Them so much.
45:35
Speaker 1: And when I am with my friends, I feel good.
45:41
Speaker 2: I feel really good.
45:42
Speaker 1: And when I'm with the wrong people, I feel really bad.
45:47
Speaker 1: And you've seen that, You've seen the way I change
45:50
Speaker 1: in certain situation.
45:51
Speaker 2: I mean we have all gone through that in our
45:52
Speaker 2: own ways, everybody. I mean, you know that's not I
45:57
Speaker 2: know how you feel and I've felt it too.
46:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, if you haven't watched White Lotus, go watch
46:05
Speaker 1: it because it is definitely even outside.
46:08
Speaker 2: I didn't want to go to Thailand after watching.
46:10
Speaker 1: It, Yeah, I don't. I've never felt a draw to Thailand,
46:18
Speaker 1: I did. I think ever since the tsunami, I've been scared.
46:21
Speaker 2: I've been always thought I would want to go there,
46:23
Speaker 2: But like it wasn't like the other White Lotuses that
46:25
Speaker 2: were Where were they Greece for one of them? Oh
46:28
Speaker 2: my god?
46:28
Speaker 1: Season two of White Lotus in Sicily, Yes, was the
46:33
Speaker 1: most amazing television show I have why in Italy? Why
46:38
Speaker 1: was the first season I thought was good?
46:41
Speaker 2: Second season was all amazing, Like like Thailand, the way
46:49
Speaker 2: that they portrayed it just felt very dark.
46:52
Speaker 1: I heard, oh yeah, that water balloon festival in town.
46:57
Speaker 1: Yeah they yeah, they did not do it justice. I
47:00
Speaker 1: know that people like it was like even in.
47:02
Speaker 2: A school that they sat by, it was like there
47:04
Speaker 2: was never any sun, like they were sitting sunbathing. I
47:06
Speaker 2: couldn't even feel.
47:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, second season of White Lotus is the best show ever.
47:11
Speaker 1: I think that third season was the second best. And
47:14
Speaker 1: first season I liked, didn't love I mean anything that
47:17
Speaker 1: Jennifer Coolidge y Oh, I mean, she's just amazing.
47:20
Speaker 2: But by the way, on the plane ride.
47:22
Speaker 1: Home from Spain, I couldn't sleep, so I watched Bob
47:28
Speaker 1: Dylan movie and then it was over, and I didn't
47:30
Speaker 1: know watch you know, I love a biopic and I
47:34
Speaker 1: love music movies, but I thought it was just like
47:39
Speaker 1: I think Timothy Shallomey was amazing.
47:41
Speaker 2: But the movie itself I thought was very good. I
47:45
Speaker 2: definitely didn't think it was I don't know, he was
47:47
Speaker 2: coming up for me and like, I'm like nah.
47:49
Speaker 1: Anyway, So after that I didn't want to watch another movie.
47:52
Speaker 1: I didn't have an attention span, so I was slipping
47:54
Speaker 1: through the TV shows on there, and I haven't been
47:57
Speaker 1: watching as much Bravo these days only because like I'm
48:00
Speaker 1: watching Atlanta Housewives. Sometimes it's a little hard for me
48:02
Speaker 1: to watch the Housewives right now because I have very
48:05
Speaker 1: mixed feelings about how I feel about things, and so
48:09
Speaker 1: I've been avoiding some of the Housewives shows. But they
48:11
Speaker 1: had season one of The Valley on there, and I
48:13
Speaker 1: never watched earlier Van der Pum Rules season, so I
48:16
Speaker 1: know nothing about these characters. And I watched episode one,
48:20
Speaker 1: season one of The Valley and oh my god, I
48:23
Speaker 1: watched all three and then came home and like binge
48:26
Speaker 1: the rest of season one. It is so good. Dentfessler
48:31
Speaker 1: watched The Valley is maybe the best show I've ever
48:34
Speaker 1: seen on Bravo. Oh, come on, unbelievable. Yes, it's unbelievable.
48:40
Speaker 1: Every person on that show is giving it everything. I mean,
48:45
Speaker 1: I'm only at the end of season one, but really
48:49
Speaker 1: truly interesting people giving it everything and really being talk
48:53
Speaker 1: about being authentica.
48:56
Speaker 2: So and I would love to get.
48:58
Speaker 1: That you met who did you meet from the valt Brittany.
49:02
Speaker 2: But I sat by Janet and she was it was
49:04
Speaker 2: really fun, like we had a great time together. And
49:07
Speaker 2: then she said they would said they would come on
49:08
Speaker 2: the pod and Brittany too.
49:09
Speaker 1: I would love that. I would love it. It's a
49:12
Speaker 1: really great show. Anyway, this was fun. This was fun,
49:18
Speaker 1: and it was authentic. It was very authentic, and I
49:23
Speaker 1: look forward to one day when we were little old
49:25
Speaker 1: ladies seeing what our friendship's like.
49:28
Speaker 2: Without the show. Yes, a man's Sister. So until next time, guys,
49:33
Speaker 2: next time,