Latest / Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad / Dear Banya: Pick Your Path

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Dear Banya: Pick Your Path · Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Scrubbing in with Becka Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing and scrub a dub dub
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: in the tub tub tum wow um, Yes, how you doing?
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: I'm doing great? How are you doing?
• 0:25
  Speaker 4: I'm doing great? House tender Tanya.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: Tender as ever? You know what tender Tania loves a
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: nap Oh m.
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: Hm just midday. Yeah, when you hit the nap cycle
• 0:38
  Speaker 4: whenever I feel like it. Oh that's new because I
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: feel like used to if you had nap time, I
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: would just push through, or you'd go work out instead
• 0:47
  Speaker 4: of nap.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah or something. Not this phase. Not tender Tanya, Chicken
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: tender Tanya. What are you doing?
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: I'm good, I'm great, absolutely wonderful.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Love to hear it.
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you so much.
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna work on my speech this weekend. M speech
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: for what my award I'm getting next week?
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: Next week?
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're giving me the award. You told me what day?
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: The twenty ninth of April.
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: Oh, just kidding. I do have it in my coun
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: for some reason. I thought I had it for May
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: because I remember thinking when you asked me what kind
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: of food I wanted. I thought, that's so far out,
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: so I think I thought it was in May, but
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: I have it in my calendar is the twenty nights.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: So we're all good, okay. I was like, Oh, you're
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: writing your speech, somebody is. You're the one responsible giving
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: it to me, so we kind of need your participation
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: in that.
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: I'll be there, don't worry. Okay, it's in my calendar,
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: So you're writing your speech for that.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm gonna work on it.
• 1:47
  Speaker 4: A sentence speech.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's been at since I gave a speech.
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, i'd be very stressed to give a speech.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm a little stressed. I'm really good at that, though,
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: I am. Why didn't you watch me give a speech?
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: No? Just speaking in front of people? Oh okay, right,
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: I would say you're really good at that.
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  Speaker 3: Thanks. I don't know that I am. When have you
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: seen me speak in front of a crowd?
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: Isn't that your kind of your job when you go
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: to like event like presented iHeart Awards and stuff?
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: So like here we're behind a microphone. When you're doing
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: like TV stuff, you're just talking to like one person
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: in the camera. Man. Mm, hmm, it's not really like
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: crowds around. There's crowds around, but you're not like talking
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: to the crowd. Do you know what I mean? You
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: are talking to the crowd, but they're like in the ether.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: I don't see them.
• 2:38
  Speaker 5: I'm wad you on this. It's very different. Talking on
• 2:40
  Speaker 5: the radio is very different.
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: From talking on the radio. I'm talking about being on
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: a stage in front of a crowd an event.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: Oh oh, like if we're going to introduce like Olivia
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: Vardrigo or something. Oh yeah, okay, but I'm not giving
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: a speech. I go out, I say, hey, here's Olivia
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: ard Rego. Cheers, cheer, cheers, goodbye. Oh you know what
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: I mean?
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: You have a teleprompter of this thing.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: I that's a great question. I'm gonna ask me.
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: What's the award?
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much for asking and I am getting
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: there enough. If you were allowed to say, oh no,
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: I forgot it. Oh, thank you, Mark.
• 3:09
  Speaker 5: You don't have to write till they go ahead.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: I am being honored with the Content Creator of the
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  Speaker 3: Year Content Creator of the Year Award by the Organization
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: for Social Media Safety. Wow, congratulation, Thank you.
• 3:27
  Speaker 5: Social Media Safety.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I'm like responsible and I'm a role model
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  Speaker 3: on social media. I'm being honored.
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: Wow.
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  Speaker 5: All ages can follow Tanya raud with um fear of
• 3:39
  Speaker 5: problematic posts.
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  Speaker 4: Correct, which is nice to be filtered with the thirteen
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  Speaker 4: year old.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm just living living.
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  Speaker 4: I'm so proud of you. You are a role model.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you so much. I know, I'm very honored, and
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  Speaker 3: so I don't really know how long I have to speak,
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: but that's first on the docket. To figure out how
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: long it needs to be.
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  Speaker 5: Wait till you get the hook?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, imadin, they start playing a song, playing
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  Speaker 3: me off the stage.
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: What is my job? What do I I have to
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  Speaker 4: speak in front of people? Right?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to give me the award?
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: Me do I am? I writing a speech?
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: Well, haven't you do that?
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: No, you're gonna You'll be fine. I got you, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: you can tweak it how you'd like that. You're gonna have.
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: A something to read? Yeah, okay, great.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: Don't you too long? No, no, no, just a quick
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  Speaker 3: stint on stage for you.
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  Speaker 4: I'm simply a vessel carrying the award. Yeah, deliver. I'm
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  Speaker 4: honored to give you your award.
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  Speaker 3: Wow, thank you.
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: As a role model to everyone and anyone.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: Thank you. I will say it's funny because I was
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: asking people if they want a chicken or vegetarian option
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: for their meal, and I was like, the only person
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  Speaker 3: I knew for sure was not picking the chicken was
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: back a Tilly. I was like, yeah, keep it away
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: from mearian options. See you, my parents, Robbie's parents, Robbie, you,
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: Sophia Powe and my sister in law. Wow, so fun
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: this is so exciting.
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  Speaker 5: Congratulations, thank you.
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  Speaker 4: Very excited for you. I am very excited to present.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: Shall we get into some dear bonia?
• 5:22
  Speaker 5: We shall Here we go from anonymous. I recently overheard
• 5:26
  Speaker 5: my husband on our outdoor camera complaining to a friend
• 5:29
  Speaker 5: about our lack of intimacy. Ohch He suggested to his
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  Speaker 5: friend that is because I'm insecure about my body. And
• 5:35
  Speaker 5: while that is a factor, the truth is that I
• 5:37
  Speaker 5: simply have no sex drive right now. I am the
• 5:39
  Speaker 5: default parent and partner. I work full time. I handle
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: all the grocery shopping, the cooking, and the laundry. My
• 5:44
  Speaker 5: entire life revolves around my family. I feel unappreciated and
• 5:47
  Speaker 5: like I've lost my sense of self. I'm thirty four,
• 5:50
  Speaker 5: he's thirty eight. We have three kids, ranging from fourteen
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: to eight, and we've been together thirteen years. I'm not
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  Speaker 5: sure how to approach him about this, and any advice
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  Speaker 5: you have would be appreciated.
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: For some I'm sorry you had to witness us.
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  Speaker 3: I know that would make me so sad.
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  Speaker 4: It made me sad, And there's also this part that's
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  Speaker 4: like sometimes people just vent, and you know, it was
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  Speaker 4: just really unfortunate that he said it, and that she
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  Speaker 4: she saw him and heard him saying it.
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  Speaker 3: I don't think it was necessarily wrong of him to, like,
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: that's what your friends are for, you confide in them,
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  Speaker 3: like you want advice, but having to hear that was
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  Speaker 3: probably really rough.
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I personally think you should just say, hey, I
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: feel really uncomfortable even having to have this conversation, but
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  Speaker 4: I unfortunately heard you talking about our lack of intimacy
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  Speaker 4: with your friend, and I want to figure out how
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  Speaker 4: to like figure this out together. And it really hurt me.
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  Speaker 4: But I you know, I understand that you were just venting,
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  Speaker 4: but I want you to know, first of all, that
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  Speaker 4: hurt me, and second of all, I feel like I
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  Speaker 4: take on so much of the role for our kids
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  Speaker 4: and for you and the house, and I don't really
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  Speaker 4: have capacity in that area, which leads to us not
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  Speaker 4: having physical intimacy. And I want to get back to
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  Speaker 4: to where we do have that, but I think I
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  Speaker 4: need some help because I have too much on my plate.
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  Speaker 4: I think you just need to be honest about why
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  Speaker 4: you aren't in that place right now.
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  Speaker 3: But she did say that it's because she's insecure about
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  Speaker 3: her body, and she said that is a factor, so
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  Speaker 3: that all also a factor.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think if I think realistically, if you
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  Speaker 4: have more capacity and help, you could probably focus on
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  Speaker 4: yourself a little bit more and taking care of yourself
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  Speaker 4: to where you maybe had a little more confidence in
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  Speaker 4: your in your body.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you need to. I think you need
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: to use this as like a major, major, like pivoting
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  Speaker 3: point in your relationship because you can say, I saw
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  Speaker 3: you on the outdoor camera and I heard you talking
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: to Jack or whatever your friend's name about this a
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  Speaker 3: It really hurt my feelings to hear you talking about
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  Speaker 3: talking about me in that way. And I know that
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  Speaker 3: like that's your right, but I really wish that like
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  Speaker 3: these intimate conversations you didn't have with outside people, if
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  Speaker 3: that's what you want of him, I think that's a
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  Speaker 3: fair thing to say. And then I think you really
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: have to work on getting help, asking him to do more,
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  Speaker 3: or just kind of giving your needs because I think
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: for women, for women, I think the physical aspect of
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: things isn't just like a one and done. I think
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: guys can just be just like physical, whereas like women
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  Speaker 3: just have so much on their minds and like there's
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: nothing sexier than like a guy taking out the trash
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  Speaker 3: or like, do you know what I mean, Like there's
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  Speaker 3: no better in a work play than taking on a
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  Speaker 3: task that you're usually in charge of.
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  Speaker 4: And I also think there's saying like she mentioned she
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  Speaker 4: handles nearly all the grocery shop and cooking and laundry,
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: and I think that those things, in my opinion, should
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: be divided. Like if he's working and out of the
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: house while you're at home with the kids, then he
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: can stop by the grocery store and pick up groceries
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: on his way home. Like there's got to be a
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: way of balancing that out to where you do have
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: a little more capacity to give to your relationship. But
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: I think it's I think when you have kids and
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: I mean, Mark, you're the only one who can speak
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: to this in terms of like raising kids. I think
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: it's just hard and you have to like work to
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: have the intimacy with your partner.
• 9:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just got to be between the two of you, don't.
• 9:37
  Speaker 5: I don't think it's great that he's talking about this
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: with his buddies. I know that you can, you know,
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: vent to your friends or whatever. But I think when
• 9:43
  Speaker 5: he starts talking about his wife's body image, I know
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: that seems like it crosses a line for me. And
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: also how often you have sex with your wife, I
• 9:49
  Speaker 5: think that's also that's nobody's business. I don't think I
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: but my.
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  Speaker 4: Thing is is if he's I would hate to see this,
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: And I also I actually on the same pages. But
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: I also think it's unrealistic to think that if you're
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: having a struggle, you're not venting to your best friend.
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: I think him bringing in like she's insecure about her body,
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: he could have not done that right.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: I always think about how I would handle situations, and
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: I feel like I tell my best friends everything, so
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: it's hard for me to say that.
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: What I'm saying don't share.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it is different with girls.
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: I do think he should have left your your insecurities
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  Speaker 4: out of it if he needed to just say, yeah,
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: I'm just fresh. Gosh.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: I don't know, but maybe he was like genuinely asking
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: his friend for like help or advice. Have you ever
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: been through this? Would you handle it?
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: You know?
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: I want to give him the benefit of the doubt
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: because you said you've been married, you've been together for
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: thirteen years, so clearly you think very highly of him.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: I also just think too when and again we don't
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: really know the dynamic, but if one person in the
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: relationship works, I think that sometimes there's this this I
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: don't want to say it's unfair, but like there's all
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: work and then you do everything for the house. Yes,
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: so you do get the groceries, you do the laundry,
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: you do the cooking, you do the cleaning, do the
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: driving of the kids. And maybe that was their agreement,
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: and so he's just kind of he doesn't know any
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: better unless she speaks up and says, I can't do
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: it all. I need some help that you know what
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: I mean.
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: I think having this is where I have an opinion
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: on it, because I do think there's that mindset of
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: like I'm going home, and I'm providing financially by having
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: a job outside of the house, but taking care of
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: kids alone without doing all the chores and grocery shopping
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: and all that. Just taking care of the kids alone
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: is a full time job. Yeah, so they're both have
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: their full time jobs, and then she's taking on the laundry, taking.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: The cleaning, all the watering, the plans, taking the dog out.
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: So I don't think it's fair to go, well, I'm
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: making the money outside the house, so you take care
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: of everything, because it's like, well, she's keeping three kids alive,
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: making sure they're fed, and taking care of probably where
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: they need to be, and then also doing the things
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: that y'all should be doing as a partnership that is
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: part of the house. Yeah, you know, but I think
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: it's just a conversation you need to have. And I
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: also think you need to make sure that you have
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: time for yourself because I'm sure you get totally lost
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: and giving anything to yourself in the midst of kids
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: and husband.
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: And all, and do small things to make yourself feel
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: better about yourself, whatever that is. Like, I know this
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: is gonna sound so stupid, but like anytime I shave
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: my legs and my crotch. I feel like a million bucks.
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: Okay, so the advice here.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: Give yourself a full body shape and like a droppin,
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: you will feel better. No, but I'm what I'm giving
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: that example for me, Like that makes me feel better
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: when I do that. So it's like whatever that is
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: for you, if it's getting your eyebrows done, if it's
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: like getting a new perfume, if it's I don't know,
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: whatever it is, like, I feel like, do little things
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: that are gonna make you feel good about you all
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: the while having these conversations and trying to.
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: Off low and I also think taking the pressure off
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: of obviously you you are in control of yourself and
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: your body, but also knowing that he loves you and
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: just wants probably just wants to have like physical intimacy
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: with you, and he is not you're thinking about your body,
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: but he's he just wants you. Yeah, but we're rooting
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: for you.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but take care of yourself and ask your fourteen
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: year old to help around.
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, fourteen fourteen is a page where things him
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: I don't know about cook but whatever, laundry, laundry and
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: some light chores are definitely.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: Doable, making some beds, mopping some floors, squeezing some uh
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: one of the called showers.
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, onto the next here we go on
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: to the next lest you know what, Actually, let's tease.
• 13:55
  Speaker 5: The next dilemma is working from home and continue to
• 13:59
  Speaker 5: work from home. Are going back to work in a
• 14:02
  Speaker 5: really nice situation, but then having to have childcare that's
• 14:05
  Speaker 5: not provided by you. That's the dilemma coming up next.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: We're back.
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: Nice from anonymous. I currently work remotely for a large
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: company that offers lots of flexibility, which I know is
• 14:30
  Speaker 5: a privilege, but I'm really unhappy. I don't enjoy my work,
• 14:34
  Speaker 5: my team, my boss, or the company anymore. Recently, I
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: was presented with an opportunity to smaller, well established company,
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: and I feel like everything. It's everything I've been missing.
• 14:43
  Speaker 5: The culture seems great, the brand is strong. Every interview
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: has been amazing. I'm heading into the final round and
• 14:48
  Speaker 5: I can really see myself there. The catch is I
• 14:51
  Speaker 5: would need to be in the office four days a week.
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: The commute is only fifteen minutes, but I have two
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: small kids. With this new job, they would need before
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: and after school care. And I'm feeling a lot of
• 14:59
  Speaker 5: guilt about that. Deep down, I really want this job,
• 15:02
  Speaker 5: but I keep wondering if I'm being selfish for choosing
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: my own happiness and career over being more available to
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: my kids. Would love your thoughts. Am I overthinking this
• 15:10
  Speaker 5: or is this just one of those tough seasons of
• 15:12
  Speaker 5: life decisions.
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: I think that a happy mom is the greatest thing
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: you can give your kids.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: I agree a happy mom is better than a hands
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: on mom.
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you are in a place where you're miserable,
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: and you're staying miserable for the kids, but it's actually
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: not benefiting them in the grand scheme of things because
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: you're miserable.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: There's this I don't know if it's Emma Greed or Greedy.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: I think it's greed. Emma Greed. She's been all over
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: the press this past week. She has a book out
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: and she is the she's like the co founder or whatever,
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: all these crazy like skims, good American She's launched like
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: she's boss, a business willness woman. And she's been getting
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: a lot of heat because she said something about being
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: like a three hour mom because she's super focused on work.
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: But she's like, when I'm with my kids, I'm super present,
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: and then when I'm at work, I'm super present. And
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: I feel like my biggest thing that you said here
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: is you're feeling a lot of guilt. And I feel
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: like guilt is the worst thing to feel because it's
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: you're not listening to your own Your own instinct is
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: telling you one thing, but like you feel like society
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: or pressure is telling you something else, so you're feeling
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: guilty about it. I feel like you already said this.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: You see yourself there. Your current job is making you miserable,
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: and this job is everything that you want, but you're
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: feeling guilty about it. And I just feel like you
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: need to lean into your intuition. And I feel like
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: you already know the answer. If you can find childcare
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: and this job is going to be better for you
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: and make you happier. I think it's a slam dunk.
• 16:49
  Speaker 4: I would what I would do if I was in
• 16:51
  Speaker 4: your position, just to kind of give you peace of mind,
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: is try and find childcare help that you feel really
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: good about, and start researching that to see if you
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: can find somewhere that makes you feel good about your
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: kids being in there and that.
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: Way, and if you don't that's a sign.
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, if you don't find anywhere that you feel comfortable
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: sending them to. But I also think the kids are
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: going to be like, get to be with other kids
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: and someone that you trust, and that's okay. And this
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: might just be a hard season and you might grow
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: in the company and have more days where you can
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: work from home, and you don't you know, things might
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: change in terms of what the schedule looks like or
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: what how much childcare you need. But I think you
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: staying unhappy it just kind of does them a disservice.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: Because then you're going to be like unhappy in a
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: bad mood.
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and then what kind of mom are you to give?
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Do you think men feel guilty doing this? And no, respectfully,
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: it's good point.
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, they don't.
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: They don't, and you shouldn't either. There are no studies
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: that say that kids whose mom stays home all day
• 18:00
  Speaker 5: better than the kids whose mom works. That's not a thing.
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: These kids are going to be fine. And honestly, who knows.
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: At preschool care, after school care, they might make great friends,
• 18:09
  Speaker 5: they might love it, they might thrive. You don't know,
• 18:13
  Speaker 5: you don't know.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's no studies show me the study.
• 18:16
  Speaker 5: Show me, show us, show us you hate these people
• 18:19
  Speaker 5: you work with?
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, every single per everythingle aspect.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: Of show Bad, except just that she gets to work
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: from home.
• 18:26
  Speaker 5: I'm really unhappy. Like she just lays it out there.
• 18:29
  Speaker 5: When you say that, I mean that's it.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the writing's on the wall next one.
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: These are all anonymous, so just keep that in mind.
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: We have a big international trip plan this may to
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: sell it right anniversary and after that. We're really excited
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: to start trying to conceive. I turned thirty this year.
• 18:43
  Speaker 5: My husband's in his mid thirties. Here's where we're stuck.
• 18:46
  Speaker 5: We've been invited by family to go on a basically
• 18:48
  Speaker 5: free trip to Ireland at the end of August twenty
• 18:50
  Speaker 5: twenty seven. What an opportunity, but the time it's tricky.
• 18:54
  Speaker 5: I'd like it. Start trying soon and see what happens.
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: Maybe we'd be able to bring the little one with us.
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: But if things don't line up, mean pausing trying to
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: conceive for almost a year, trying to time everything precisely,
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: and that feels stressful. I'd be open to trying against
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: shortly before the trip and maybe traveling early in pregnancy,
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: but my husband doesn't like the idea of pausing, of
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: putting that kind of pressure on the timeline. I'm torn,
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: what would you do in our situation? And Tanya, do
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: you find it difficult to make future plans while in
• 19:20
  Speaker 5: TTC mode?
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: Yes, I do, no, But in all honesty, I feel like,
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: and I was given this advice when we kind of started,
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: because I too was doing these things, these calculations of like, Okay,
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: well if we start here, then then you could get
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: pregnant then and then you have this and da da da.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: Here's the thing. You never know how long it's going
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: to take until you start trying, and you just never know.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: So I think if you guys are ready to have
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: kids and that's the phase of life that you're in,
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: I think you start now and you buy refundable tickets
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: for this trip at the end of twenty twenty seven,
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: and if you can't go, then you have the refundable
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: tickets because basically what she was saying is it's like
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: an all expense everything free, basically free. So just buy
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: the tickets, get refundable tickets, and then I think, my
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: personal opinion is don't wait. Yeah, I'm I'm I know
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: you're she's thirty. But they're basically saying they're ready now.
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: So it's like, yeah, you just can't base life the
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: if you're wanting some you're wanting to have a baby,
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: you cannot predict how long that will take. No, like
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: you have no control over that essentially. Yeah, so you
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: can't pause life and the things that you want for
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: you just can't do that. You have to just live
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: your life. And and a free trip to Ireland sounds amazing. Yeah, however,
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: maybe you'll be priced, maybe you'll have a newborn baby,
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: and that sounds amazing too.
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: And also like what if you what if you uh
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: like don't take the trip, say no, thank you because
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: you're trying, and then you're trying, trying, try and try
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: and trying, you're still not pregnant by then, and then
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: you're gonna really regret not going on that trip. Am
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: I wrong?
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: No? But my thought process is I'm trying to figure
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: out the math here that if they started trying, if
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: they got if they got pregnant.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: Fast right like one shot, Yeah, then you.
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: Would have a baby no matter what, like you'd have
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: a newborn at the very right.
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, then they would be traveling with.
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: Like a three month old. Yeah, I'm like, can't do
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: the math. My brain's like not working anyways. I'm just
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: saying I would say, if you're ready for that, and
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: you're ready to start, try and go for it. And
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: I would say yes to the trip. And if they're
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: able to get refundable tickets, awesome, and if they're not,
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: then say hey, and and maybe y'all can do your
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: own little trip somewhere. Maybe not a free trip to Ireland,
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: but you can go away for you know, that time
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: or something.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I know it sounds like whatever they say Hindsight
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: twenty twenty. But we waited until after our honeymoon because
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: I was like, I want to like drink on our
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: honeymoon and like get drunk and like have fun and
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: then like you know, and I kind of regret that,
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: like I'm like, why did I why did we wait
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: at all?
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: You know? So, but I also I'm kind of if
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: you're she's she seems like she's willing to wait because
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: it seems like she wants to go to Ireland, so.
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: Her husband doesn't want to.
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: Well, whose body is carrying the baby? Well it takes
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: two to tango, Yeah, Well she doesn't she doesn't need
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: to tango.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: It sounds like till after Ireland wants to tango.
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: Well, he don't always get what he wants.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: Well, relationships are compromised.
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: And there she's willing to compromise and say, I'm willing
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: to try right before we go to Ireland, so that,
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: if anything, I'd be like newly pregnant in Ireland. She's
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: just saying, can we push when we start trying a
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: few months? So I've changed my mind. Actually, now that
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: I'm thinking about the three sixty, I think that if
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: you aren't opposed to waiting and you want to have
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: one last big trip to Ireland for free before you
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: all have a baby, why.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: Not You're saying why not wait?
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: Why not wait a few like a year before you
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: start trying again, And.
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: I'm saying, don't, so pick your path.
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: I'm with Tanya, pull the goalie and let fate decide.
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, So the Dear Bonnie segment was briefed today
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: because Donya is feeling confident about another another week of
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: the birthday game.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: Give the girl one w she's ready for she's ready
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: for more.
• 23:38
  Speaker 6: Let's go, baby, We're back.
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: So did you feel just like what kind of high
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: did you feel wanting? How long did the high last
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: from the birthday game?
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: So I don't do drugs, so I can't like really
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: give you a correlation. But I felt like I was
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: high on something like I like I was flying, floating, floating, levitating.
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: All right, well, let's see if you can go round two.
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: And there's another you know, wild card in here as
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: we have Eastern Yeah, yeah, yeah. So last time there
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: was just one on one. Now there's three competitors, right,
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: and so we'll see how it goes.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: We'll make that win sweeter.
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: It'll make it that much sweeter. So no high low
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: this week. It's just you each give a number. Whoever's
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: closest is the winner. If you are equally close, whoever
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: went over loses.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: Understanding. Can you just be a little bit more aware
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: of what age they're turning today, because I've had some
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: fake outs in the past that were really like daggers
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: to my heart.
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: Now I think I'm good on this one. Here we go,
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: today's birthdays. We'll start with those from today. Gigi Hadid
• 25:03
  Speaker 5: has a birthday today? How old is Jiji hadied today?
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: Tanya as the winner, I get to go first.
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: Well, I think it's his order.
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: I think right, just because that's where I'm sitting.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Winter, I'm gonna say twenty nine.
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: Twenty nine for Jiji hadid Becca thirty two thirty two
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: and Eastern U thirty one thirty one is the correct.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: John thirty plus.
• 25:29
  Speaker 5: Easton may have an advantage on this one because he's
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: such a wrestling super fan. John Cena has a birthday today.
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: John now does Rebecca going first? Yes, he is the
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: peacemaker on HBO Max.
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: You know John Cena, dom I just I just do
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: I know his age?
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: He cam seventy. I have no fifty four fifty four.
• 25:52
  Speaker 5: Eastern I think John Cena is forty eight years old,
• 25:54
  Speaker 5: forty eight, Tanya fifty two. He is turning forty nine today.
• 25:59
  Speaker 5: Off to it nothing lead. Tanya may have the advantage
• 26:03
  Speaker 5: on this one because you had a little crush on
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: him once upon a time. Dev Patel Wow, Dev Patel
• 26:09
  Speaker 5: was he had with Tanya was seeking at one point
• 26:12
  Speaker 5: in her life. Eastern how old is Dev Patel today?
• 26:16
  Speaker 5: Dev patific character actor Dev Patel deaf Patel is uh
• 26:20
  Speaker 5: thirty nine years old, thirty nine?
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: Anything over there?
• 26:24
  Speaker 5: This can't phoned down? Charge it said forty five, forty five, Becca.
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: I letna go forty.
• 26:37
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna go forty. He's thirty six and had a
• 26:41
  Speaker 5: three nothing lead and on the brink of victory already
• 26:44
  Speaker 5: thirty six.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: Thirty Tell is younger than me. This that's right, absolutely insane.
• 26:51
  Speaker 5: All right, Tanya, back to you. You'll kick this one off.
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: How old is America's sweetheart Kelly Clarkson? Everybody loves Kelly Clarkson.
• 26:58
  Speaker 5: How old is Kelly Clarkson tomorrow? Actually not today? How
• 27:02
  Speaker 5: old is she? Turning?
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: Forty five?
• 27:05
  Speaker 5: Forty five? Becca, forty one, forty one? Easton? I think
• 27:08
  Speaker 5: forty three? Ooh, she is turning forty four. And by
• 27:14
  Speaker 5: the rules, Easton is the champion, is the best. It's
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: a clean sweep. One number could have done it for
• 27:23
  Speaker 5: you thereas think, because Tany was only off by one,
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: but Easton pulled it out. Very impressive.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: Wow are you okay?
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: All right? Here we go, I have I have three
• 27:35
  Speaker 5: more here win that Alrea best, just YouTube for the
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: second place.
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: The second place, I don't place is the first loser.
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: He's not competitive.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: Everyone, Please remember any other game we could play. I
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: don't know, I meansor Okay.
• 27:52
  Speaker 5: For second place. We'll play Rock paper scissors.
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: Keep going, al, I got.
• 27:57
  Speaker 5: A couple more names here.
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: Uh.
• 28:00
  Speaker 5: This weekend is a big birthday for Renee zell Wegger.
• 28:04
  Speaker 5: Renee Zellweger, Becky, you go first on Renee el Wegger.
• 28:08
  Speaker 5: Then Tony you'll say higher lower because it's just one
• 28:10
  Speaker 5: on one.
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: Renee is. I'm gonna guess she is, uh forty eight
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: forty eight higher lower?
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah, she is turning fifty seven.
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: Fact, I guess sixty one for.
• 28:24
  Speaker 5: Very flattering Tanya. Back to you, Channing Tatum birthday this
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: weekend for Channing Chadum.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: How old is youturning Channing Tatum?
• 28:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's all right.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: Forty five forty five beckawee higher lower than forty five forty.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: Save Tongue shaking is so scary.
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: I like kind of need a slim but also don't
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: want to ever see it.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: Crystal, you have haunt you in your dreams at night.
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: Coming from the top to the bottom.
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: Quick quick two weeks.
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: And here's here's the thing about life.
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: Life happens fast fast. Yeah. Well we are leaving for today.
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: And the thing is, if you ever have some dear
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: bonia or game suggestions, at this point we'll take them.
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: You can email us at scrubbing in at iHeartMedia dot
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: com or please email us or Dmos at scrubbing in
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: pot on Instagram. Yea, and we hope you all have
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: a wonderful weekend. We love you so much