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Comedy & Confidence: Elevating Your Talk with Humor! · Captivate the Mic: Master Public Speaking & Video, Build Confidence and Boost Visibility

• 0:07
  hello and welcome.
• 0:08
  This is Elaine Williams with Captivate the Mic.
• 0:11
  Today, I want to talk about adding humor.
• 0:15
  So this is really aimed at if you are already speaking, because if you're just starting out, the thought of adding humor to a talk or a video is daunting.
• 0:27
  Adding humor is.
• 0:28
  More of an intermediate thing, so you've already gotten the basics, you already know how to craft a talk, you already know how to start off strong with a hook'em and all the things I talk about and model as a professional speaker myself and as a comedian.
• 0:45
  What I have found that once you start speaking more, you realize that humor is such a great superpower.
• 0:54
  It is such a great tool to have in your back pocket.
• 0:59
  So I'm going to share a few of the questions that I get asked a lot.
• 1:06
  And this is going to be a whole series because there's so much you can go into.
• 1:12
  So the first thing I want to say is congratulations because it takes a lot of courage to want to even try to be funny.
• 1:20
  And when I first moved to New York and got sober, comedy was not even on my radar.
• 1:24
  I wanted to do musical theater It is a marathon, adding humor and comedy in general.
• 1:30
  There are nuances and nuances.
• 1:32
  So I want to talk about first, why do we laugh?
• 1:35
  We laugh because we're surprised.
• 1:37
  We laugh when we're shocked, we laugh when we can relate, we laugh when somebody says something and we're like, did they just say that out loud?
• 1:49
  Comedians say things that everybody else is thinking.
• 1:53
  And we laugh because it's human.
• 1:57
  I love laughter.
• 1:58
  I love it so much and I love teaching it.
• 2:00
  I love trying to do it.
• 2:02
  I still love stand up and I love adding humor and helping people do that.
• 2:06
  And so I thought, you know what, this is going to be my second topic.
• 2:10
  Don't quit your day job, right?
• 2:11
  Like it, it takes a while.
• 2:13
  It's a muscle.
• 2:14
  Comedy is a muscle.
• 2:16
  And one of the first things you can do is just say, okay, five minutes a day, I'm going to watch.
• 2:23
  Comedians or America's funniest videos or the funniest Ted Talk, which let me give you the two.
• 2:31
  My favorite top two is Sir Ken Robinson.
• 2:36
  He has two Ted Talks.
• 2:38
  His first one was on does creativity get killed in schools?
• 2:43
  And it's brilliant.
• 2:45
  And his use of humor is fabulous.
• 2:47
  And then his second TED Talk, he comes out and he says, So as I was saying, which gets a big laugh because They were, there was a big gap between his first and second talk.
• 2:59
  So you had to know that in order to laugh, brilliant opening.
• 3:04
  And then my other favorite funny Ted talk guy is Sean Aker and he has one on happiness and he came from Waco, Texas, and he had this dream to go to Harvard and he actually got in and then he stayed on as an RA and he observed that a lot of the kids were.
• 3:23
  So not happy.
• 3:24
  They were very stressed out.
• 3:26
  So he does this whole thing about what is happiness and he does a lot of workplace culture stuff and he's hilarious.
• 3:31
  And so one of your first.
• 3:33
  And I think that's a really important piece of homework is start thinking why is this person funny, or why do I think this is funny, or so much of humor is subjective.
• 3:43
  So just being in that conversation is brilliant.
• 3:46
  And then think about the things I just told you about why we laugh as humans, and also know that comedy is very subjective.
• 3:54
  So one of the challenges is when you go to open mics when you're working on new jokes or new material, sometimes There are younger males who feel like it's really funny to talk about genitalia or farting or other bodily functions, and it's just a phase that many young males go through and some of them never really get out of it, and they, it's hilarious.
• 4:23
  And it usually is not that funny to the rest of us.
• 4:27
  Some people love that New York intellectual humor, right?
• 4:32
  Some people love the neurotic Woody Allen.
• 4:34
  I do think he's brilliant even though there's other things about him I don't like.
• 4:39
  Same for Louis C.
• 4:40
  K.
• 4:40
  Brilliant.
• 4:41
  Dark.
• 4:43
  His humor is so dark.
• 4:45
  And I love his work even if the person, eh, not so much, right?
• 4:50
  Wanda Sykes.
• 4:51
  She's one of my favorites.
• 4:52
  I want you to start a comedy notebook and start watching five minutes a day on YouTube or listening to it on podcasts or listening to it.
• 5:01
  Why do I think this person is funny?
• 5:03
  What is it?
• 5:04
  Do they act out the stories?
• 5:06
  Are they over the top?
• 5:07
  Are they more like Stephen Wright, who's like these little one liners?
• 5:11
  He does these jokes.
• 5:12
  He played like the sad emoji in the emoji movie.
• 5:16
  He's been doing it for 30 years.
• 5:17
  He's brilliant with very simple, dry one liners.
• 5:22
  So there's lots of different styles.
• 5:24
  What kind of style are you as a speaker?
• 5:26
  So you want to start to be aware of that.
• 5:28
  That's your homework to think about watching the Ted talks, watching the funny things.
• 5:33
  And I'm going to give you a couple of humor, Like when they have safety rails, so you don't go off the rails, that's, bumpers, that's the word I'm looking for, safety bumpers.
• 5:46
  A couple of things.
• 5:47
  We don't want to be hacky, right?
• 5:49
  So hacky is when you can see it coming a mile away.
• 5:52
  If you've ever heard somebody tell jokes out of a joke book, or jokes you got off the internet.
• 5:57
  It's those are somebody else's jokes, so you want to try to, Write some jokes that are specific to you and your topics as a speaker.
• 6:06
  And what is specific to your industry.
• 6:09
  And that's another nuanced conversation.
• 6:11
  But for now, I want you to have the homework.
• 6:14
  Okay, you're looking at funny people and thinking about that.
• 6:16
  You're thinking about what.
• 6:17
  Speaker.
• 6:18
  Am I like overcoming obstacles?
• 6:20
  Do I teach on specific topics that need to be lightened up because it's so heavy?
• 6:26
  I used to speak on college campuses about addiction and assault heavy, but I would use humor and I would set the context in the beginning and say, look, I'm going to tell jokes because it's part of my healing process, but I am making fun of me, my family, my addictions, my journey.
• 6:42
  I would never make fun of somebody else.
• 6:44
  I guess that's another point I wanna say is we don't need mean humor that is strictly for the comedy clubs.
• 6:51
  You never wanna be a mean speaker.
• 6:55
  People say, I'm a motivational speaker.
• 6:57
  No.
• 6:58
  It goes without saying, if you're a pro speaker, you should automatically be motivational.
• 7:04
  It's more about what do you speak on, what kind of speaker Motivation is just like a given.
• 7:08
  And if you're not motivating.
• 7:10
  You've got to get motivating because that is a core element and humor is a shortcut to get there So so we talked about the bumpers for a second So while you're playing in this new realm of humor, I want you to think about safe topics so we never make fun of anybody else's religion or culture or challenges Here are some safe topics, okay?
• 7:42
  And, this is just the beginnings of a long conversation.
• 7:46
  So if you're not sure what to think about, you can always, what's the deal between cats and dogs.
• 7:53
  Think about if you could do a comparison, you could talk about horrible food when you travel, you can talk about traffic, you could talk about aging parents raising kids, how hard it is to be human.
• 8:08
  There is so much to make fun of without making fun of people.
• 8:13
  Other people's, there's enough right on in your life.
• 8:18
  Okay.
• 8:18
  So that is, we don't want to be bullies.
• 8:21
  We don't need more mean humor.
• 8:23
  We've got plenty of that.
• 8:24
  And as a speaker, the last thing you want to do is alienate anybody in your crowd, right?
• 8:30
  We want to draw a big inclusive net.
• 8:33
  That's why you're a speaker.
• 8:35
  That's part of the game, unless you've been hired for one specific I'm not talking about that.
• 8:40
  You want to think about safe topics.
• 8:43
  Now, if you're I really want to try to write some stuff, that can be challenging.
• 8:49
  And if you're willing to do a little bit of the work, it can be awesome because the more that you can come out with something specific to you, your journey, your topics, your life experience, the more authentically it's going to land with your audience.
• 9:06
  And the less likely somebody else can feel it, right?
• 9:10
  I'll never forget my aunt joke.
• 9:12
  I do this aunt joke, I'd say I love being an aunt, but it's expensive.
• 9:16
  Last Christmas, I spent so much money on my brother's kids gifts.
• 9:20
  You know what I got in return?
• 9:23
  A picture of them in the bathtub.
• 9:25
  So this year I'm giving them a picture of me on the toilet.
• 9:29
  It's very silly and goofy.
• 9:31
  And I was really attached to this joke.
• 9:35
  And I just thought it was, it was a new comic and I was like, this is my aunt stuff.
• 9:39
  And then I heard somebody else do a very similar joke.
• 9:42
  And then somebody said, Elaine, everybody has an aunt and uncle joke like that.
• 9:47
  And I was Oh, and so it's a great lesson and check your ego at the door and you want to be as authentic as you can within reason.
• 9:59
  And, you might hear similar jokes.
• 10:02
  I guess what I'm saying is keep an open mind to it all.
• 10:06
  Don't be mean.
• 10:07
  There's plenty of stuff to make fun of.
• 10:10
  Another thing I want you to think about is.
• 10:14
  What I call the rule of three, and this is great for any kind of writing.
• 10:18
  If you're a copywriter, which you should be working on that too, as a speaker, as a coach, our brains love threes.
• 10:27
  She was beautiful.
• 10:29
  She was brilliant.
• 10:30
  She was funny.
• 10:32
  She was this.
• 10:33
  She was that.
• 10:34
  She was this.
• 10:34
  Our brains like rules of three.
• 10:37
  Once I've said this, you're going to notice it more.
• 10:41
  In copies, in advertising, in so many things.
• 10:44
  And a rule of three is a great tool when you're thinking about writing some kind of joke.
• 10:52
  Cause it's this, it's that.
• 10:55
  So I'm going to give you an example of misdirection.
• 10:58
  Oh, New York city in the summer, ah, the sun on my face, the wind on my back, the smell of pee everywhere, which you could say that about any city in America or maybe in the world.
• 11:11
  So that's a great example.
• 11:13
  It's, I use the rule of three sun on my face, one on my back.
• 11:17
  And then I also use misdirection.
• 11:19
  We went a totally different way.
• 11:21
  That you didn't see, right?
• 11:23
  Smell of pee everywhere.
• 11:25
  And it's a pattern interrupt.
• 11:28
  It's, I took you, we went this way, and then we went this way.
• 11:31
  And there's a laugh because it's whoa! And just playing with that is a blast.
• 11:40
  Start thinking about if you could write What would that be about?
• 11:44
  What could you say?
• 11:45
  Start thinking about what you could make fun of about your topic.
• 11:51
  Your journey, your specific thing.
• 11:55
  And another thing to think about is you could journal about what's awkward.
• 12:01
  What's awkward about this thing that I do?
• 12:04
  What's weird about this thing that I do?
• 12:08
  What's challenging about this thing that I do?
• 12:11
  Because isn't that what comedy is about?
• 12:13
  It's about it's about awkward moments that we all have as humans.
• 12:19
  Right?
• 12:20
  And.
• 12:21
  Nate Borghese, I freaking think he's brilliant.
• 12:26
  If you have not seen his skit on Saturday night, live about general Washington, go immediately stop this and go watch it and you will thank me later.
• 12:38
  Oh my gosh.
• 12:40
  I really love his style.
• 12:42
  And he did this whole bit, how he was like, Went for a hike with a guy, and it wasn't really a hike, and they were just walking, and they were friends, but they didn't know each other very well, and then he saw this turtle, and he felt like he had to say something, like he had to make some observation about the turtle, and he said something, and then his friend said, yeah, turtles are cold blooded, and then it was, there was this like, awkward silence Of course he knew that, and he felt embarrassed that his friend maybe thought that he didn't know that, but then he wasn't sure if he was just trying to make conversation.
• 13:33
  And so then it was just like this weird, awkward, silent walk the rest of the way.
• 13:42
  And then when I got back to his car, he's Hey man sorry about the turtle stuff.
• 13:46
  Anyway, the way he does it is hilarious.
• 13:49
  And we laugh because he is speaking about something we have all done.
• 13:59
  As human beings, when we said something, we're like, that was, why did I say that, we're nervous or we're under pressure or, and it's such a human thing and we laugh because we can so relate, right?
• 14:14
  So that to me is a great example about what awkward moments have you had in your career at your office and other community?
• 14:24
  events.
• 14:25
  Where have you just been like, oh, why did I say that?
• 14:30
  Why do I do that?
• 14:32
  My thinking, right?
• 14:34
  That is opportunity for humor.
• 14:38
  So I know I'm hitting you with a lot.
• 14:40
  I get so excited talking about this stuff.
• 14:43
  I think it's so fun.
• 14:45
  And I believe that anybody can learn to be funnier.
• 14:49
  We're not all going to be brilliant geniuses like Richard Pryor or Wanda Sykes or Maria Bamford, but we can be funnier as speakers.
• 14:59
  So that's a lot for you to think about.
• 15:02
  There's a lot of homework in there.
• 15:03
  You can check out the show notes, and I'm going to leave you with this When I very first started comedy, people kept saying, you're really funny.
• 15:12
  And I was like, what do you mean?
• 15:13
  I'm not funny.
• 15:14
  I wanted to be the next Meryl Streep.
• 15:16
  I'm not trying to be funny.
• 15:17
  I was so angry.
• 15:19
  I was newly sober, new in New York city.
• 15:22
  It was very challenging time.
• 15:24
  It was very stressful.
• 15:25
  I had to keep moving and temping.
• 15:27
  I was running out of money.
• 15:29
  I was running around trying to.
• 15:31
  Make a living and pursue acting.
• 15:33
  And I knew two people and it was, but people kept saying, you're funny.
• 15:39
  You're funny.
• 15:39
  And I was like okay.
• 15:40
  So when I was getting ready, I was taking like an improv class and I had taken a one woman show workshop at the pit people's improv theater, and I was getting excited okay, maybe I'm going to try this standup thing.
• 15:56
  So I watched the Jerry Seinfeld movie about him trying to come back to stand up after his show, Seinfeld.
• 16:05
  And I watched this movie and I sat there like this Oh my God, like he was struggling with his jokes.
• 16:14
  He sat there with other brilliant comics and they struggled with his jokes and they tweaked.
• 16:19
  And I didn't know that's just part of the process.
• 16:22
  But all I could see was, Oh my God, if it's this hard for him, who the hell am I?
• 16:29
  And I remember I watched that documentary and I did not sleep that entire night.
• 16:35
  My mind was racing because I kept thinking, I think I'm supposed to do this, but I think it's really hard, but I don't really know.
• 16:43
  It affected me so much.
• 16:45
  I couldn't sleep.
• 16:48
  I'm telling you this because I don't want that to happen to you.
• 16:53
  And here's what I'm going to say is.
• 16:56
  You're not trying to be a stand up comedian, at least not yet.
• 17:00
  When people go to a comedy show, they're like this.
• 17:03
  They cross their arms, they sit back, Make me laugh, clown! Go ahead, make me laugh, right?
• 17:12
  It's very much convince me, show me.
• 17:14
  It's very, standoffish.
• 17:17
  At least that's how it is on the East Coast, for sure.
• 17:20
  And When people are coming, expecting a speaker to come out on stage, they are not expecting you to be funny.
• 17:31
  They are just hoping that you're not going to suck because we have all sat through those PTA meetings or whatever where you're like, I breathe like I worry for people.
• 17:43
  Do you ever do that where you see somebody and you're like, oh my god, are they gonna make it?
• 17:47
  And this person, like they're just sweating.
• 17:49
  They're swaying.
• 17:50
  They're reading off the card.
• 17:51
  They look like they're about to.
• 17:53
  So much, they're going to turn into a puddle.
• 17:55
  Those people that are like, are they going to get through it?
• 17:57
  I'm always worried for them and I breathe for them because I'm I empathize because I've been a speaker.
• 18:04
  I've been that nervous before I've had my slides freeze and things happen, right?
• 18:09
  So when you come out on a stage or in a meeting and you're halfway confident.
• 18:16
  The audience is going to go, Oh, thank God.
• 18:20
  I don't have to worry about this person.
• 18:22
  They're literally going to sit back and be like, Oh, thank God.
• 18:26
  I did not have to worry about this person.
• 18:29
  And so if you come out and you're even the slightest bit funny, even if you don't get a laugh, if you get a chuckle or a smile, it's Whoa, And they're not going to expect it.
• 18:44
  So they're more likely to chuckle or smile or laugh.
• 18:48
  So the bar is way lower.
• 18:53
  So it is daunting to try to want to add humor and it is beautiful and brilliant.
• 19:00
  And I'll leave you with one final thing that I learned in Toastmasters, which is where I went when I very first started.
• 19:08
  Cause I had been performing my entire life.
• 19:10
  I've been on stage since the fourth grade, did my first movie when I was 15, but I knew I didn't know how to speak as Elaine, the coach, the motivator, the facilitator.
• 19:23
  I was used to doing acting stuff.
• 19:26
  And so I went to Toastmasters to practice speaking as me.
• 19:31
  And one of the sayings that I learned from Toastmasters and NSA, National Speakers Association, you don't have to be funny to speak.
• 19:39
  Only if you want to get paid and that's a joke and it is a little bit true.
• 19:46
  And there's lots and lots of ways to add humor, lots of ways.
• 19:51
  So we will go into this more.
• 19:53
  This is going to be a whole series.
• 19:55
  So thank you for listening.
• 19:57
  If you found this helpful please share this with two more people.
• 20:01
  Please rate, subscribe and review because that's how the podcast gets pushed out.
• 20:08
  That's how more people find me.
• 20:10
  My, my mission is to help heal the world one joke, one video, one podcast episode at a time.
• 20:18
  I had three addictions.
• 20:19
  I'm an assault survivor, domestic violence survivor, and I love helping the helpers.
• 20:25
  And I believe that there is so much possibility if we all had coaches and people cheering us on.
• 20:31
  And I know that you have a story and you have something so special to say that nobody else does it like you.
• 20:38
  And so I'm so glad that our paths have crossed.
• 20:42
  And I can't wait to see you on the screen or stage soon and stay tuned because there's going to be a whole lot more fun and value and laughs.
• 20:53
  Bye for now.