Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / 7 Things That Keep You Stuck With A Narcissist

Transcript

7 Things That Keep You Stuck With A Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Today we're going to go over a list of things that could keep
• 0:05
  you stuck in a toxic relationship, a list of things
• 0:09
  that keep you planted in this toxicity.
• 0:13
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:14
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:17
  The Narcissist Code. So boom, welcome back folks,
• 0:36
  welcome back, welcome back. Yes, y'all things that keep you
• 0:41
  stuck in toxicity. There's a list of them we have.
• 0:45
  We have a list of things that keep you stuck in toxicity.
• 0:47
  If y'all notice me looking to the left, I wrote the list down
• 0:50
  or I typed it up. I don't have AI got a
• 0:52
  teleprompter. It's coming.
• 0:54
  I'm going to put set it up soon. See, I'm going to bear with me.
• 0:56
  I'm doing this right here. I'm not going to be doing this
• 0:58
  right here. You may be looking at the list
• 0:59
  that closely. I'm a peek down there and I
• 1:03
  didn't count these, but the the thumbnail will have the number
• 1:07
  in I'll be holding up the number.
• 1:08
  It might be 5-6 or seven. So list of things that keep you
• 1:13
  stuck in a toxic relationship. They couldn't keep you stuck.
• 1:15
  They're in no particular order either, y'all.
• 1:17
  So the first thing I have written now is needing a
• 1:20
  confession. So many people get stuck in
• 1:24
  toxic and get stuck with narcissists and toxic people
• 1:27
  because you feel like you need this person to confess even when
• 1:31
  you have evidence, even when you have enough proof, even when you
• 1:34
  have everything that you need to make a conscientious decision
• 1:38
  upon your next steps in or outside of the relationship.
• 1:41
  Like you got them on video camera, you got them on tape
• 1:44
  clapping cheese, you got them doing whatever they like.
• 1:46
  So you got them doing all of this stuff, but for some reason
• 1:49
  you feel like you need them to confess.
• 1:51
  You do not, I repeat, do not need a confession from a
• 1:56
  narcissist. You absolutely do not.
• 1:58
  That's one of the things that happens.
• 1:59
  Y'all, like so many people get stuffed.
• 2:01
  I need them, I need them. I need them to confess.
• 2:03
  I need them to take accountability, which you come
• 2:05
  in later. No, you don't.
• 2:06
  You want them to do that. This is not a need.
• 2:08
  Food, shelter, water are needs, right?
• 2:10
  And sometimes shelter, shelter can be like damn near this,
• 2:13
  this, this, this negotiable, right?
• 2:15
  You don't confession from a narcissist or you toxic person
• 2:18
  is not a is not a need, y'all, You don't need that.
• 2:22
  I know some people's like, well, Lee, I need I need them to
• 2:24
  confess so I can get alimony or whatever.
• 2:26
  I get that. So I get that right there.
• 2:28
  There's other ways to go about doing it, but if you just need
• 2:31
  it to just determine whether you're going to leave or stay,
• 2:35
  you know what I'm saying? Guess what?
• 2:37
  That's what happened right there.
• 2:39
  Y'all. I started a video of laughing
• 2:40
  out and my wife, she said so funny me or going back and forth
• 2:43
  a little bit. Have a funny wife.
• 2:46
  My wife is funny. Yeah.
• 2:47
  Everybody's just like, yeah, what do you what do you love
• 2:49
  about your wife? I love y'all.
• 2:50
  I love funny women. She is, she is, she is funny.
• 2:53
  The second thing I have written down is staying for the kids.
• 2:58
  So many people right here at this is, I know it's going to be
• 3:01
  touchy. I know this is going to be
• 3:02
  touchy Philly, but so many people stay for the kids.
• 3:06
  You're like, well, I got to stay.
• 3:07
  I have kids while the kids, I I wait till the kids get older and
• 3:10
  then I'll leave. Y'all.
• 3:12
  You get to. Yeah.
• 3:13
  You. Yeah, yeah.
• 3:15
  You get to live too, right? You get to live too.
• 3:19
  You're an adult. You're a human being.
• 3:20
  You you're supposed to get to live your life to the fullest
• 3:22
  extent possible. So many people stay for the kids
• 3:25
  and other people leave for the kids, right?
• 3:28
  Stay in. Let me put it like this right
• 3:29
  here. And this is not me trying to
• 3:30
  chastise you or make you feel like a horrible person.
• 3:32
  But most times I would think that kids would rather be with
• 3:36
  with a healthy parent half the time didn't be 100% of the time
• 3:40
  in an unhealthy household, right?
• 3:43
  Like they even if the custody, even if the custody is 5050,
• 3:47
  right? 50% with mom, 50% with dad.
• 3:49
  Let's say mom is a toxic one in this video, right?
• 3:51
  Let's say mom is a toxic one. Dad is the untoxic 1.
• 3:54
  I know people like Lee you make videos about me and being
• 3:56
  narcissist. No, I don't.
• 3:59
  I know women can be narcissist. I've dealt with them.
• 4:01
  I've dealt with narcissistic women in my real life.
• 4:03
  I know women can be narcissist. Y'all covert, covert as hell,
• 4:06
  just as covert as they want to be.
• 4:08
  But again, mom is toxic in this scenario, dad is not.
• 4:13
  They would rather spend 50 percent, 50% of the time with
• 4:16
  non-toxic dad. Which means they get 100%
• 4:19
  healthy, approximately 100% healthiness over here when they
• 4:24
  with mom is not healthy. So 100% healthy, not healthy or
• 4:29
  together it's 100% unhealthy. You see what I'm saying?
• 4:31
  At least they get 50% of the time in a healthy relationship,
• 4:34
  healthy dynamic. And I'm not trying to say you
• 4:36
  need to leave right now, make a plan.
• 4:38
  I mean, I know everybody's finances are different.
• 4:40
  People haven't worked in years, People haven't like a stay at
• 4:43
  home parent, different situations.
• 4:44
  I understand it, I understand it.
• 4:46
  I understand it now, but just give yourself the space and the
• 4:50
  grace to make a conscientious decision.
• 4:52
  Or if you can't leave or if you're still stuck in the house
• 4:54
  or whatever, make sure that you're just giving your kids all
• 4:57
  the emotional support that they need.
• 4:59
  Some time to yourself, some time alone with you to just talk and
• 5:02
  feel good. That that type of stuff right
• 5:04
  there. Y'all don't just stay for the
• 5:06
  kids. Don't like what you're telling
• 5:07
  me because, and this is I'm gonna leave.
• 5:08
  I'm gonna leave it on this right here.
• 5:10
  Some people that stay for the kids end up blaming the kids
• 5:14
  like somebody, they end up holding a grudge against the
• 5:16
  kids. And it's just like, it's a, it's
• 5:17
  a subconscious thing. You love your children, but
• 5:19
  you're like, I could have been a lot happier without these
• 5:21
  little, those little rack of muffins.
• 5:23
  You know what I mean? These little, I could have been,
• 5:26
  oh, you love them, but you're like, oh, I could have had you
• 5:29
  with somebody. No, no, I'm just joking.
• 5:33
  The next thing I have on here y'all needing closure.
• 5:36
  So many people closure get out. Closure is like lead boots in a
• 5:41
  closure is wearing these lead boots, these cement block boots
• 5:45
  that it keep you stuck at the bottom of this toxic ocean.
• 5:50
  Take the damn boots off. You don't need closure.
• 5:54
  Closure is dragging you down. Closure is drowning you.
• 5:57
  You literally, literally drowning in closure.
• 6:00
  I need closure. Lee.
• 6:01
  No, you don't need closure. I never got closure.
• 6:03
  You don't need it. Closure is something that you
• 6:05
  give to yourself. I know people like, well, it's
• 6:06
  not enough. Yes, it has to be.
• 6:09
  It has to, it has to be enough. Because if it's not enough, then
• 6:14
  that person has power and control over you and you will
• 6:15
  never get out of here. You will always continuously be
• 6:17
  stuck emotionally with this person because you feel like
• 6:20
  they, they, you need closure from them.
• 6:22
  Asking, Needing closure from them gives them all the power
• 6:26
  because they, most of them are not going to choose to give you
• 6:28
  closure. Why the hell would they sit down
• 6:29
  with you and have a conversation with them and set you free?
• 6:31
  They don't want you to be free. They don't want you to heal.
• 6:33
  Your healing doesn't benefit them, so why the hell would they
• 6:36
  help you heal? Your healing does not benefit
• 6:39
  them. Why the hell would they help you
• 6:40
  heal? You do not, absolutely do not
• 6:43
  need closure from a narcissist or toxic person in order to move
• 6:46
  on. That's yeah, that's just false.
• 6:47
  It's false. False.
• 6:51
  Yeah, you don't need it, y'all. Closure is something you give to
• 6:53
  yourself. Closure is that finality that
• 6:55
  you give to yourself. The lack being able to close the
• 6:58
  book. This is my kids book.
• 7:00
  Remember, it's not your fault if this is the book of y'all.
• 7:02
  So if this is the book of your relationship, you get to the
• 7:05
  last page. This what closure is and I
• 7:08
  escaped that toxic bastard and I live happily ever after.
• 7:13
  DN slam that thing shut and keep it moving.
• 7:16
  You don't need closure from them.
• 7:17
  Closure is going to keep you stuck.
• 7:19
  It absolutely will. Lee.
• 7:21
  What if I no, I'm like y'all big, I got to be y'all Big
• 7:25
  Brother. I got to be a Big Brother or
• 7:26
  your little brother. Somebody might be a little older
• 7:28
  than me. Big Brother, little brother, big
• 7:30
  cousin, little cousin, whatever look fat look whatever, whatever
• 7:33
  relationship we have, I got to be I got to be Lee.
• 7:35
  I got to help you. You know what I mean?
• 7:39
  The next thing I have right here, y'all is feeling guilty.
• 7:42
  Feeling guilty, Lee. I feel so guilty about leaving
• 7:45
  them when they have nothing. I feel so guilty about moving
• 7:47
  out and not telling them. I feel so guilty about taking
• 7:49
  the kids 50% of the time or 70% of the time, whatever it is, I
• 7:52
  feel so guilty about it. Yeah, it's fault.
• 7:54
  It's understandable. It's understandable.
• 7:57
  It's understandable to feel guilty when you leave this
• 8:00
  relationship. But a lot of times it's false
• 8:02
  guilt. It's guilt the narcissist is
• 8:04
  making you feel. It's guilt that they making you
• 8:06
  feel. They want you to feel this
• 8:08
  guilt, y'all. They want you to feel guilty
• 8:10
  because feeling guilty will keep you stuck.
• 8:12
  They love it. They love it.
• 8:15
  I'm not angry. You see the key appeals.
• 8:18
  I'm not angry. That's what happened right
• 8:22
  there. They love it when you're feeling
• 8:23
  guilty. It's not your guilt.
• 8:25
  Understand it. Take it when you're feeling
• 8:26
  guilty or anxious. Take a deep breath and just say
• 8:30
  they had the opportunity to treat me better and they chose
• 8:34
  not to. So it's OK for me to choose me.
• 8:37
  It's OK for me to pick me. It's OK for me to love me.
• 8:42
  It's OK for me to love these kids more than I love this
• 8:45
  relationship. It's OK.
• 8:48
  Take the guilt, ball it up and shoot it into the trash can and
• 8:52
  say Kobe. You guys say Kobe.
• 8:54
  Hey now, the new folks ain't Curry.
• 8:56
  My son said Curry. The other day.
• 8:58
  My son said Carrie. I was like, you're not my son,
• 9:04
  you know what I mean? The next thing y'all I have
• 9:07
  right here is religious. Let me count these things up.
• 9:09
  123-4567 I got 7 so the next one is religious.
• 9:15
  I shouldn't have counted in before.
• 9:16
  Like lady lady, you didn't you? Can't you see how quickly you
• 9:18
  counted those? You could have counted those
• 9:19
  before the video. Lazy, lazy ass religion.
• 9:23
  Keep Seattle. Please don't let your religion
• 9:26
  keep you stuck. I don't think yeah, I read the
• 9:29
  whole Bible. I read the whole Quran.
• 9:31
  Now there's, there's some other texts I can read.
• 9:33
  Send them to me, e-mail them to me.
• 9:34
  Like, hey, let me read this. I'm actually thinking about
• 9:37
  starting to read the Bible again and my my life gets so much, so,
• 9:41
  so much better. When I was reading the Bible,
• 9:43
  that might be the book. That might be the I had to whip
• 9:45
  the Bible out again. But religion keeps so many
• 9:49
  people stuck. And I remember reading the
• 9:50
  Bible. I don't I don't remember
• 9:51
  recalling the verse. They said God said you got to
• 9:54
  suffer. God said you need to suffer in
• 9:56
  your relationship. God didn't put you here to
• 9:58
  suffer. God.
• 9:59
  Yeah, yeah. God or whoever your higher power
• 10:02
  is, if you have one. If you're atheist, you can skip
• 10:05
  this part right here. But like, God didn't put you
• 10:08
  here to suffer. He, he, the Bible says he gave
• 10:11
  his only begotten son. He gave his only begotten son to
• 10:16
  do that for you. But why?
• 10:17
  Why are you suffering? Why are you suffering?
• 10:21
  Your, your part of your husband, your wife.
• 10:23
  They're not your idol. They're not you don't you don't
• 10:25
  pray to them. You pray about them.
• 10:27
  You pray for them, but you don't pray to them.
• 10:29
  That's different. You see what I'm saying?
• 10:31
  That's different in this space right here.
• 10:33
  You pray to God. You pray to God for them, about
• 10:36
  them, but not you don't pray to them.
• 10:38
  Set yourself free. I don't believe I'm going to get
• 10:40
  ostracized from the church. You can get ostracized for the
• 10:43
  church. You had to start over.
• 10:44
  That's scary as hell, but it's better than being stuck in an
• 10:46
  abusive, toxic ass relationship where you're not treated
• 10:48
  equally. You treat it like less than you
• 10:50
  treat it like a prop. Hell now hell no.
• 10:56
  So you know the hell and also say hell no.
• 10:58
  You know what I mean? You had to set yourself free.
• 11:00
  Religion keeps so many people stuck.
• 11:01
  Well, Lee, the Bible says you can't divorce y'all again, God,
• 11:04
  there's there's circumstances in the Bible.
• 11:06
  I mean, do God say it's OK to divorce God?
• 11:08
  God, God took some husbands away.
• 11:10
  You see what I'm saying? Swept away.
• 11:15
  But yes, you can set yourself free.
• 11:19
  Y'all freedom. It's time to be free.
• 11:21
  It really is time to be free. Set yourself free, set yourself
• 11:24
  on this healing growth journey and empower yourself to be the
• 11:27
  best version of you as you possibly can be.
• 11:30
  The next one I got y'all. I got two more peer pressure
• 11:33
  only I'm staying because I don't my friends.
• 11:36
  We have a lot of friends together and have a lot of
• 11:37
  family members together and they always they always wanted they
• 11:39
  all we we're, we're the IT it couple.
• 11:42
  We're a couple goals. Everybody looks up to us.
• 11:44
  Everybody does this, everybody does that, but I'm not happy.
• 11:47
  Then you're not happy. The last thing you just said is
• 11:49
  the most important part. You're not happy.
• 11:52
  Yeah. Would you tell?
• 11:54
  So peer pressure, let's flip it. Let's flip the pressure.
• 11:56
  Let's flip the peer and flip the pressure.
• 11:59
  You're applying pressure to your friend.
• 12:01
  If you if your friend was your friend or your family member was
• 12:04
  in the exact type of relationship that you were in,
• 12:08
  would you tell them just go ahead and stay in it.
• 12:09
  You know the situation, you know the circumstances, you lived it.
• 12:12
  Would you tell them, Hey, hey, just stay in it.
• 12:14
  Could everybody like y'all together?
• 12:15
  Look, guess who cares to get your your ass beat a little bit
• 12:18
  here and there. Everybody love being around.
• 12:20
  Look, everybody else happy, everybody else is happy like,
• 12:23
  but y'all, it's OK to be unhappy sometimes it's cool, but like
• 12:25
  damn, like y'all need to say together.
• 12:27
  Y'all to eat couple. Y'all gonna mess?
• 12:28
  Y'all gonna mess a friend group up?
• 12:30
  Y'all gonna mess up? We, we, our friend group has a
• 12:32
  group name. You gonna mess the group name up
• 12:34
  if you leave? No, hell, y'all, I'm about to
• 12:37
  lose my I'm about to lose my damn mind.
• 12:39
  No, you wouldn't say that to your friend.
• 12:42
  So why would you take advice from that friend?
• 12:44
  There's a person in my real life.
• 12:46
  Their parents are telling them to stay in a types of
• 12:47
  relationship. Your parents are like, well,
• 12:48
  maybe maybe your abusive, psychopathic husband is just
• 12:51
  stressed out. What cheating, doing all this
• 12:54
  crazy stressed out what? Give them, give them a little
• 12:56
  chance. Give them, give them time.
• 12:58
  You should stay together. It's going to make everybody
• 12:59
  look bad. I got to explain it.
• 13:00
  I got to explain it to the church, got to explain to my
• 13:02
  friends why you got divorced and why you're a single parent now.
• 13:05
  I just don't what the this is my real life.
• 13:08
  This is my real life. I want to two pieces of dude.
• 13:13
  Yeah. Don't let people pressure you
• 13:14
  into staying in an unhappy situation, y'all.
• 13:16
  If they loved you and they cared about you, they would not
• 13:18
  pressure you to stay in toxicity, Especially if they
• 13:20
  understand what's going on. Come on now.
• 13:23
  Come on now. The last thing on my list.
• 13:24
  Y'all fear. Fear of the unknown.
• 13:27
  Fear of what? Fear of what comes next.
• 13:30
  Fear of like, I'm going to be by myself for the rest of my life.
• 13:33
  Fear of them. They're not.
• 13:34
  They're not going to let me go. They're going to stalk me.
• 13:36
  Fear of every y'all. Fear is understandable, but
• 13:39
  that's what the courage is. Courage is not the absence of
• 13:41
  fear, it's the acknowledgement of it and doing it anyway.
• 13:47
  You acknowledge the fear and you do it anyway.
• 13:50
  Of course that fear can either that fear can keep you stuck or
• 13:53
  it can motivate you to move forward.
• 13:55
  Fear what you going to do with it?
• 13:57
  Again, it can keep you stuck or it can motivate you to to move
• 14:01
  forward and to take your power back.
• 14:03
  What you going to do with your fear?
• 14:04
  It's your fear. You get to do what you want to
• 14:06
  do with it. Y'all get to play with it.
• 14:07
  You get to play with fear a little bit.
• 14:08
  Don't get don't let fear keep you stuck in a tight
• 14:10
  relationship, y'all. Anyway, I know this video ran on
• 14:13
  a little bit longer than I like them to do.
• 14:14
  I'm about to start my interview series next week.
• 14:16
  I'm doing my first interviews this week for my new podcast,
• 14:18
  The Mental Illness Podcast. e-mail me.
• 14:20
  Find my e-mail. Yeah, you got to find it.
• 14:22
  You want to be on podcast? You got to find my e-mail.
• 14:24
  Talk about all things mental health.
• 14:26
  Subscribe to the channel if you haven't already.
• 14:27
  And it's always y'all mental. This is out.
• 14:29
  Peace what's going on Beautiful folks.
• 14:31
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video I truly
• 14:34
  appreciate it. You have no idea.
• 14:36
  If you haven't already hit that subscribe button.
• 14:38
  You made it this far you might as well subscribe.
• 14:42
  It really does help the channel y'all helps me reach more people
• 14:44
  as well. Also I have coaching my courses
• 14:47
  and my support group available at www.mentalillness.net.
• 14:51
  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around watch
• 14:53
  another video or two. I appreciate it.
• 14:55
  I'm out.