Latest / The Wild Woman Within: Recover from Burnout & Achieve True Work-Life Balance Through Feminine Energy / 58| The Hidden Family Patterns Keeping You Stuck in a Life You Didn't Choose

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58| The Hidden Family Patterns Keeping You Stuck in a Life You Didn't Choose · The Wild Woman Within: Recover from Burnout & Achieve True Work-Life Balance Through Feminine Energy

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, hi.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Hey.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: If you're new here, welcome to the Fitsin Project.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're not, you already know we don't play small around here.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Rachel, corporate project executive by Day, yoga teacher and retreat host by passion, and a woman wildly committed to helping you stop outsourcing your power.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: This show is where structure meets soul, where we regulate the nervous system and scale the business, and where we stop pretending burnout is normal.
• 0:32
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• 0:35
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• 0:46
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• 0:48
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• 0:50
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• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Support the ones that support this work.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: And all right, let's get it, let's talk about today.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: Joining me is Dr.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Mayer Chahal, psychiatrist and author of Unlicensed Medicine, a book that challenges some of the conventional narratives around healing and invites us into a broader conversation around trauma, identity, inherited patterns, and what it actually means to come home to ourselves.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because if we're honest, a lot of people are doing the quote unquote right thing and checking the boxes, following the protocols, achieving the success, and still feeling disconnected.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where conversations like this matter.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're someone who believes healing includes the mind and the nervous system, science and self-awareness, structure and something deeper, you're in the right place.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: So I know that you're um such an interesting person because you come from um what I can gather family lineage where you guys are doctors.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: You did the doctor thing, and now you are a doctor in a new realm.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I would love so much for you to introduce yourself and speak to the for um the collective.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I uh do come from a really strong academic background uh in my lineage.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um I was trained in Western medicine.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: I went to medical school in India and then I came to America for my psychiatry residency training, which wasn't quite aligned with uh my path and just what I consider to be in integrity with my soul.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: And that led me to my own personal healing journey, and as a result, getting trained professionally in um family consolations therapy, which I'm trained in.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so that's how that's how it started from my own personal journey to making it more of a professional thing.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: So you went into um medical psychiatry, right?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then you decided you were just um what was that that led up to to that moment?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: There were multiple factors.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like um about six to seven months prior to when I actually quit, my intuition was softly nudging me that this is really not going the way I had anticipated, and it's very different practically from how I thought it would be or how psychiatry would be practiced.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but we obviously never listened to our intuition in the first code till it gets really loud.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I was like, it's fine, you know, I've spent almost a decade in this career, it's just two more years, let me finish it.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that didn't go quite as planned.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: And then I start uh I actually started towards the end, I started to get really sick.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um I developed uh a gastric ulcer and you know I had to get an endoscopy, I started losing weight, and that's when when my physical body started getting uh taking a toll, because I'm like a firm believer of when you don't say no, your body will say no for you eventually.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_02: So for me, that was a really hard boundary.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: I think till it was like mental stress, um, I know it's hypocritical being in psychiatry, but you know, till it's like your own anxiety or your mental stress, you don't consider it a good enough factor to leave.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: But when it was the physical body, I was pretty much uh, you know, um like this is a hard boundary.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: And around that time there were some personal events.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: My my dog got really, really sick, was extremely random because he was pretty young.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I think you know, when you have that one single kind of tragic moment which opens Pandora's box um and cracks open a lifetime of unprocessed trauma.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, and that just s started to roll.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like we could talk into so many of those aspects.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, for one, um I'm a huge personal believer that the body keeps the score.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I know there's a book about that, and I've read parts of it.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's so true.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's a hard read because it's like such a mirror.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: But um I'm I even felt I even said that today.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I taught yoga this morning to my standard class, and I even said like the body will keep the score.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: I've g been experiencing this shoulder pain myself.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: I've gotta figure out what that is, but that's on me.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, I can only imagine those things showing up for you in your intuitions already speaking in a language.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Then on top of that, I know pets in general they alchemize for us.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: And when we ignore that, they can show us as a mirror as well with their own dysfunctions and slowdown, which is wild.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: I I've heard that several times through several people.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: So when your body was acting in that way and you are now tuned in to what is actually going on, what was that um like for you when you had to kind of reconcile your your moment?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: It was really, really hard because touch wood, I'm somebody who is pretty physically robust when it comes to like immunity-wise.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I had never been that physically sick in my life to the extent that I was like throwing up every day for three weeks in a row.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: I lost about like 10 pounds in in 10 days.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, the doctors over here didn't know what was going on.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: I eventually had to go to India to get an endoscopy done and figure out what was happening.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it also turned out to be um an infection which was leading to it.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: But I remember the um gastroenterologist in India looking at me before the infection result came in, and he's like, uh, you know, beta, which is which means child in in in Hindi, he's like, you're really, really stressed, you know.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_02: And uh yeah, my dad was sitting next to me, and I was like, Yeah.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um and it was it was awful because anything I would eat, I would throw up.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: Pretty much at that time, if my body wasn't accepting water, I would have had to be hospitalized and get like IV infusions.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: So it was it was really, really hard.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_02: And then to the point that if I stood up, I would feel woozy.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_02: So it was, you know, and I had like maxed out on my my the limited leave that you can take as a doctor in training in residency.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_02: Your sick days, I had maxed them out.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I mean, they they they gave me an option to, you know, for extension.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I am good, man.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_02: I really want to come cards with Western medicine.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I will say that my program was very, very nice, and I have a lot of respect for my program director, my colleagues.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: I always say this: the patients were the least of the problem, the least of the problem.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: It was not an individual-level problem, it was just the way the system is designed, functions, and operates.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: And everybody is just kind of being a soldier in that kind of army setup.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: I feel that in my bones.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I feel like you could speak to that uh politically, you could speak to that uh spiritually, you could speak to that on so many levels because yeah, Western medicine is its own cup of tea for sure.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: It um I don't know about your take on it as much as I know like m mine personally.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like you're right.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's not necessarily about the person.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's about um uh uh masking whatever symptom you're coming into there with.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, are you actually seeing me?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Are you and it's so intricate, even as a woman and trying to get health care here is wild to me.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_02: I know there are so many barriers and um both my parents, my immediate parents, uh, I do have a lot of extended family who who are who are doctors, but my parents are not doctors.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, I think they they don't get the concept of when you go into medicine, you know, they think that's it's very respectable, it's a great profession, it's stable, especially for women.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, psychiatry is not as intensive as something like surgery.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um and you know, they think it's a noble helping profession.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: However, I just personally felt like I was doing more damage and harm than I was actually helping from a sense of purpose.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_02: You know, just at the top of my head, like for example, child psychiatry, right?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's really where I I was like, this is unethical.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: Where the child has not even turned 80, not even started their life, and you have to like slap them on with like three different diagnoses, um and for billing insurance purposes.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_02: So there's there's so much of over-diagnosing, overlabeling, so many medication trials before even insurance can cover it.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, nobody told me that when you're actually going to be a doctor, you're gonna be spending way more time in front of the computer typing your notes than you actually are in with the patient.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like, for example, in my 12-hour shift at the uh in the emergency room, psychiatry emergency room, I would like basically spend hat tops two to two and a half hours with with the patient that I saw.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: And the rest, a good eight to nine hours was just charting.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I am like, I'm not doing this for the rest of my life.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_02: You know, people are like, okay, you know, it gets a bit better when you're attending or you're a higher up and and stuff like that.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm like, this is still really ridiculous, and nobody really told me when I went into medical schools that I'll be like typing more than actually seeing and spending time and form for forming a one-on-one longitudinal relationship.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, that's impressive.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even think we as just like normal citizens understand that either.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's wild.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: I will say, um, talking about like unethical and like throwing around diagnoses and stuff, my cousin, which is wild to me, she just told me this story about um her daughter is going through all of these other doctors, just like run at the mill.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, she's just she knows her intuition's like something isn't correct, but I know there's but no one knows what it is.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: And all of these doctors are throwing out um terms for her, like autism or ADHD or just some type of slap it on, go with the flow.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, I don't believe that.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: So she she her daughter is like six or seven.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: So she went to a uh vision doctor and turns out there's a lack of depth perception.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: And that was uh the whole entire reason.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like she couldn't read, she couldn't see the mouth move to understand what was being said.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: She's only learning by what she hears.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: And for her to just learn by what she hears is phenomenal to where she is right now.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: And now when she can finally tap into like strengthening her eye muscles, she's she's gonna blow everybody out of the water, you know, when she gets back.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like she's got one sensory that is just insane.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like Yeah, that's amazing.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's usually what ends up happening is that paradoxically, you you develop even like such a strong uh sharpening of the other muscle of that other sense, which was overcompensating for the rest.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm really, really glad and relieved to know that she found uh what was going on before she went on the longer train wreck of we don't know what's going on.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: And unfortunately, you know, it's not even the physician's fault to keep your license and to keep practicing, you need to follow the guidelines and the checklist and the diagnoses.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: And that was another thing which was extremely restrictive.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you have to kind of go by protocol.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I understand that you need guidelines or certain boundaries or a certain formula or algorithm to work with.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_02: But when you try to apply it to, you know, an objective thing to people who are extremely subjective and complex, it becomes an issue.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, for sure.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, speaking of, and my first instinct is like women's health in general and how we're so placed in a box of this is how you're productive and reproductive and all of this, all of your systems are to work the exact same.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: Blows my mind as to how inaccurate that is.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just like, nobody's, nobody are is anyone here?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: But but yeah, I love that.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so when you tapped into that, I mean, you obviously felt that in your body.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: That was a physical effect for you.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: When you stood in that empowerment, what changed for you to make your life feel more whole?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: I will uh be really honest, it was extremely challenging, um, extremely vulnerable, and extremely also lonely because nobody could really quite understand why I would walk away from a such a safe, stable profession to which I was just at the tail's end of completing, um, like my training.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: So that was extremely actually socially and culturally challenging.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um I to kind of feel like the black sheep in in that context and not other people around you not getting it.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: I do think like people I was fortunate enough to have mentors or or friends who were spiritually uh inclined and they they obviously got the fact that you know if something is not for you, it's not for you.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, well, in brown culture, and it's it's not like that, you know, you're there's a whole doctor, lawyer, or engineer, you can choose.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: Uh unfortunately, if you're intelligent, then it's only doctor.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_02: So so it was actually really, really challenging to navigate through um because you're uncertain about what to do next when your whole identity and life has been built around being a doctor since you were very, very young.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_02: So it was definitely an identity ego crisis.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, nobody likes being in this in-between and unclarity of what do I do next um and and figuring it out.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: That that is really, you know, it brings you a kind of anxiousness within um after something which is so structured and and stable.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, and I I feel like I am still uh navigating that and really getting closer to what is like my what works for me and what is my like life's particular vocational purpose.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I think with trial and error, you get closer and closer to your niche.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: Right, for sure.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: So was that um was the culture piece and um how that resonated with the family?
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: Was that like a harsh take?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like were you um exiled?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like how does how does that work with with your if you want to talk to them about that?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: Wouldn't say I was exiled.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: I um luckily my my parents were pretty supportive for the most part.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: By supportive, I mean that they didn't really have much of an option to, you know, I think they got the fact that you can't really force somebody to do something they're not.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, my mom will still at times be like, oh my god, you know, you could have had like a million-dollar practice and um, you know, had all this stability.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, who's gonna tell her that doctors actually don't make that kind of money, especially in psychiatry?
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like the illusion of the safety that they have.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I'm like, I don't want to.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_02: So there's often a back and forth with her, but then I do think at the end of the day, they just want you to be happy, and especially when they see you miserable or unhealthy, they they realize and they have also evolved with softening.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: And like I see it, like I have brothers who are way younger than me, and they are pretty much allowed to do whatever profession they want, and they can pick whatever subject they want.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_02: I did not pretty have that kind of luxury or freedom, so I guess they did learn and and and grow with that.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I personally will say that I'm grateful that my family didn't exile me completely, but I have heard of incidences where you know it's unfortunate where the family will like really cut you off.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: But I think initially you have to draw some boundaries because they have so many questions around why now, why after so many years, why not earlier?
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you were at the two easiest years to complete.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, it's not about whether it's easy or not, you know.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I didn't walk away because it was hard.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_02: If it was hard, I would have never done medicine in the first place.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I think there was a lot of explanation to do, and then when you yourself are forming your identity's being completely dissolved, which definitely shakes your confidence and your foundation.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_02: You yourself are forming a new worldview concept of your Yourself and life, and you are not there quite yet with your self-esteem and self-confidence.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: And then there is all of this peripheral noise.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_02: I do think you have to draw certain boundaries for a certain amount of time just for your own mental sanity and safety.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_02: Because, you know, when they're like, okay, so what are you gonna do now?
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm figuring it out.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I think that's the external noise can further feed into your not so solid self concept.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: And you had to get over a lot of fear-based concepts too, I'm sure, to be able to even give your space, yourself the space to figure it out.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: And thank goodness that you did that.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: It was so I want to talk into your book.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I've got your book, The Unlicensed Medicine, and you're releasing ancestral trauma through the power of your lineage.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: So tell me what does that mean?
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: It means that you no longer carry unconscious burdens or patterns, or what some people would on an extreme call generational curses, which have been present in your lineage for a very, very long time and have been played out due to unconscious loyalty to your ancestors and entanglements and kind of using family constellation language here.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: So you finally let that kind of sword down or that pattern down and you move forward unburdened and you know, take what you can from your lineage.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, you don't throw the baby out with the bucket.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: Your your lineage also, I'm sure, has wonderful gifts, just like somebody's born into a lineage of musicians or really creative people.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, it's you you want to take that part with you when you you move forward and are pro going toward evolution.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: So it's about really re-examining what is no longer serving me and as acting as a burden or a self-sabotage pattern.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_02: And what is it that I would actually like to be grateful to my ancestors about?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it is because of their sacrifices that I am sitting in front of you today.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, how do you honor them and respect them in a respect them for their sacrifices, but then also, you know, individuate, become your own person and um honor your own fate.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I love you.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_02: Like there's a very common healing sentence in in family conversation, which is like, you know, I love you and I will live a full life in your honor, but I return your fate back to you.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_02: This is not going to be my fate.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like, will you?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_02: And almost like asking permission respectfully for will you please allow me to have a different fate?
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: Do you think that's why um people born into rich families usually stay rich throughout their lineage or poor people th stay poor throughout their lineage?
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like they have that um constellation um DNA, really?
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_02: I this is a I really like the question, and it's a really complex question because I do think that there are certain energetics, patterns, and relationships with money which are mirrored and passed over lineages.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: So when it comes to, you know, when you're saying you come from a rich family and does that continue?
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_02: Unfortunately, even when you if you think a person is wealthy from outside, the kind of scarcity mindset around money, um, because a person who never thinks it's not enough will never think it's enough.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: It's like I remember Warren Buffet saying that if you're not happy with a hundred thousand dollars, you'll never be happy with a billion.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um and my um at least paternal lineage came from uh, you know, my dad pretty much has like a rags to riches story.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_02: So he he and I asked him this actually, it was like, was there any difference in your overall happiness when you had like um, you know, when you didn't have money towards now when you have like all of like status, power, this thing.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: And he's like, not really, like there's no difference in my happiness level.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that also goes to show I think money gives you comfort, I think it gives you freedom of choices, um, but it doesn't automatically translate to that.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I will still see a lot of people who who came from no wealth and then suddenly become get a lot of wealth.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: The kind of like relationship that you have with money, it never kind of goes away.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um, or there's only certain that it can evolve, or how you learned about money in your childhood, or the narratives and beliefs around it.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's it's complex also with with the generational thing of money.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_02: I have seen in you know, in in lineages where there was a lot of generational wealth, and then you know, there's some tragedy, and people are fighting with each other for property of the same, then they lose everything, and then it kind of like swings up and down.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: So I've seen I've seen both both sides of it, and you know, money is a is a big source source of karma and karmic debts that you end up paying for your ancestors.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um and even if you're born into it, unfortunately, you know, then it becomes like, who am I to live a full life uh and enjoy the money that I was born into when my ancestors there were good?
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_02: So there is so much of this unconscious guilt and shame inherited around it.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah it's almost like you know, no one woman in my lineage got to have this kind of freedom or just ability to choose her own life or exercise money in a way to live life in accordance to what you want to do.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_02: And then that also comes with a certain amount of guilt and I guess unconscious self-sabotage.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: So so money is a very, very actually integrate topic in constellations because um money is actually the highest spiritual currency frequency.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: We my mentor always tells me money is equal to love in the family constellations field.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: So how a child actually relates to love while growing up is how they relate to money as an adult when they grow up.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_02: The the attachment that you see, whether it's act anxious, avoidant, or kind of a complex this thing, because love is what takes care of you and and nurtures you in when you're a child, you have no boundaries and you can't go out there and earn and feed yourself.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_02: But then when you become in become an adult, that frequency is replaced by money.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: Money is supposed to look after you and keep you safe and nurture you and put food on the table.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_02: So a lot of the problems that people have with money as adults are the the this childhood or also ancestral like lingering of your relation to love.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_02: And wherever money is absent, like my my my mentor would say, There's often love is blocked over there and love was not allowed to flow.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: That that speaks on so much because I mean I can totally see that correlation as you were like I could pictured it as you were speaking it out loud.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: So what is it with the constellations?
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: So are you using planet systems or what is it that you use?
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: I know uh one part of your book I've highlighted because I thought this was super interesting, which I didn't know this at all, was hang on just a second, it's right here.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: That up until the 16th century to go to medical school, you needed to study both astrology and astronomy.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: And all the way up until the Industrial Revolution, it was considered a science.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: So that blew my mind a bit.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_01: What does that mean in correlation like to what you're studying now?
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_02: So astrology is definitely different from family constellations.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: I know the constellation part can seem very uh stars and sky, um, but over here we're actually talking about the way the constellation is in a family system, the way um positions and patterns and roles are in the family system.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_02: So it's it's it's distinct from astrology.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_02: I I mean I love astrology and um I've studied different kinds, and I do use it as a supplement, um, but those are two different modalities.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_02: In constellations is is a setup of the family field.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um there are certain houses in astrology, right, which represent father or which represents which represents mom, which represents cousins, which represents represents siblings, so or or grandparents.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_02: So I will like take a peek at those houses to eventually see like, is there a correlation between like what's happening?
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I use it as a supplementation, not as a um as a therapy, but it's my own kind of curiousness and the mystery of like that's so interesting because my mom and b I, we both have our moon in the first house.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_02: So I just find it so interesting that like she also has it, and I also have it, and we both have it in like air science.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, it's it's it's fascinating how and some some astrologers particularly deal with like family systems, and like this is where you can really dive into the generational even trauma part of it, where you'll see um particular pattern uh of karma being in in that family lineage, like for example, Saturn, what we commonly refer to as the Lord of Time and Karma.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_02: So my dad and I have this uh our Saturn in the same house, uh uh sorry, in the same sign.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_02: So it's it's fascinating when you put all of the charts together and you see these like correlations and patterns, they they do repeat.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_02: They do repeat.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_01: That is super interesting.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: I love, love, love astrology and I love like learning human design.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: I love learning all of the things you can about the self and how we are wired the way that we are.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, with your um job now, like what is your uh offer now to your general public?
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I am currently um, I'm gonna be actually moving to India for a couple of months.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_02: So I am really busy with that move.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm taking a pause uh professionally and really figuring it out.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um, to be very honest and transparent, I think as far as being in this healing profession, first in Western medicine, and then second in constellations therapy, um astrology, I as I and as I get closer to healing and becoming more whole, I started to realize that I really don't like this role of a healer or of holding space.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm not sure whether it's kind of a result of being parentified or, you know, elder daughter syndrome, like they call it, or whatever.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I really like I'm also a trained young Yan coach.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_02: And what the eight months of coaching actually taught me was how much I don't want to do this.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_02: That was my that was my taking because you're actually doing shadow work.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_02: Not only you're not learning it for for um you're providing it for your client, you're also simultaneously doing it yourself and your triggers and and this thing.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: And that's what I really um kind of get gathered from this.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so I am trying to go more on the entrepreneurial side and discover how I can feel a sense of purpose or contribution to society and you know, maybe something sustainability-oriented where you can still make a good, positive, purposeful impact, but it's not in a one-in-one sitting where I feel like I am, you know, their therapist or their healer.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_02: So that to be really transparent, I'm as of now figuring out that that shift.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: And thank goodness for someone who hasn't got it all figured out.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like I I love somebody who is just like, you know, I am just being myself at the moment.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I wrote this awesome book.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's got some amazing information in there.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's my contribution up till now.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'll figure it out when I figure it out.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: And that's just to me, there's nothing more powerful, quite frankly.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_01: So, what is it when I ask you, what it comes to you when I say, tell me what it means to you to be in the business of yourself?
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like that question.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_02: To be in the business of yourself is to requires a lot of solitude, self-awareness, which doesn't come overnight or over weeks or over months.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_02: I've it's building a true innate relationship with your own self, with the shadow parts of yourself, which are not which you consciously try to suppress or hide or you know, are not so proud of.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_02: And how do you really integrate them?
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_02: So to be really in the business of yourself, because your shadow goes everywhere with you, you know.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: So you need to really discover who you are as a person and what you don't like.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_02: And from my journey of experimenting till now, what I have realized about myself, and I have seen a common pattern with other people, is that you learn more about yourself from doing and realizing that is absolutely not from me, and by the purpose of elimination more than actually um more and more.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you kind of realize like this this schedule doesn't work for me, this type of population doesn't work for me.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_02: So, so the process of elimination is something which I feel like has taught me a lot about myself.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um and on a spiritual level, I would say that it's the being in the business of yourself is realizing that you are a spiritual being, having a human experience.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and how do you create a life?
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_02: And when we talk about like abundance and wealth, right?
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's not just money and financial abundance.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: You want that that vibrates throughout all parts of your life, and that requires you to really be intentional and take action from your soul, take actions aligned with your inner knowing and intuitiveness, and that is an ongoing process.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I I always used to think over planning leads to disappointment.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I recently read this quote in some in this book.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I I am not sure who it is by, but it was like when you plan, God laughs.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_02: You know, so you know, I think it's it's great to have goals and visions, but I am at a stage where life is so uncertain, you know, take it month by month and have monthly goals and monthly visions and have an idea and a sense and a direction of where you're going or where your soul is nudging you to go, and not so much A, B, C, D, because uh that didn't quite work for me in medicine.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_02: So, again, I think I have learned a lot by the process of elimination and everything which didn't work out.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_02: And to continue to thrive in the business of being as yourself, it's very difficult to do something which is just based on intrinsic motivation.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_02: You're eventually going to run out.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that's when people suffer from burnout and stuff like that.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_02: So you have to create an alignment because for your soul to give you more energy and purpose and passion and for you to keep going, um that's where you know you need that kind of intrinsic motivation.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_02: And that only comes from knowing yourself and living in alignment with yourself.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I was in a cohort with Bunny Young earlier this year, and she talked a bit about um how to energize yourself is through uh there's two types of solar energy, like your solar plexus energy, which would be your soul, and or your sun solar energy that is external bringing in, and that only that external sun, you know, there's gonna be cloudy days, there's gonna be all sorts of different types of days that are gonna be extrinsic.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_02: But when you can intrinsically be energized, that's how you know you're following your business and being absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, and I think that's what my mentor also pointed out to me.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_02: She said, one of the reasons that you burnt out in medicine was because it was based on so much extrinsic motivation of things which are good on paper, like social status and money, and you're a doctor and cultural stuff, and a lot of it, even shame and guilt driven.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of it like pressure shame.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: But the problem is that that burns you out and you one day run out of it to go on when nothing is quite working, and that is what that's why they say entrepreneurship is like self-growth on steroids, because when nobody else like believes in you, you have to, or or there's no revenue coming in.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_02: How do you go on?
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_02: Because you believe in yourself and your vision, and you have that intrinsic motivation, and that that doesn't quite have an expiry date like the extrinsic one, which is based on like societal, you know, society's image and illusion that you're trying to keep up with.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_01: My goodness, yeah.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I can see you moving back to India, which obviously you are, and then you're gonna come into this whole um motivational identity for women there and give them permission to do exactly what you're doing, like dropping the ego and the expectations and the shame and the love level vibrations and coming into your highest power.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_01: I totally see that for you.
• 43:35
  unknown: Thank you.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think it's always it's it's always hard to be the first one to do something because it's it's lonely, and then there's a lot of like taboo and resistance thrown at you, especially as a woman, especially as a brown woman.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um but you know, I always say that I think one of the qualities.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: That I admire or I like about myself is courage and bravery.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_02: And that also I I attribute to my Punjabi lineage, which is, you know, we are a tribe of warriors and soldiers.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's what has gone passed on epigenetically.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_02: And like I said, you know, you don't want to get rid of everything.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_01: I totally am getting like wayfinder vibes, you know.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_01: One thing, and if you what's one question you would like the next guest to answer um or or hear when you listen to the Fitz and Project again?
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_01: What's one question you'd like to leave behind?
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_01: Question in particular for them or for the board cost?
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_01: For them.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_01: What would you like to hear answered by the next best person I've got coming in?
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_02: What do you absolutely hate about today's society and world?
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_02: I can't wait to ask that out.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's gonna be great.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_02: What what makes you resentful about today's world?
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: That could be a whole podcast by itself, I do feel like.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_02: Because I you know, I I I I like going the shadow ram because the peaches and the rainbows and like just meditate your way out of everything and zen and blah blah blah blah blah blah.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_02: I I like to be like raw, vulnerable, and authentic, and I think my my book is a really good example of of of the rawness and the depth and the authenticity of of things.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I would say so as well.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_01: I've not finished it 100%, but I've I've been in it and I'm like, yep, this is a woman I want to talk to.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like great enough.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, thank you.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you so much, Dr.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_01: Mayher.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I loved having you on here.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so glad we had the chance to un unite and come together over this book.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's fantastic.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not even gonna say if if or do you want to put out if someone wants to find you or how to find your book, or what would you like to lead them to?
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_02: My book is available on Amazon.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_02: It is available on Kindle, it is soon going to be available on the audio version on Audible in in May.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I believe it's also um available in like Barnes and Nobles to order online.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, so that's where the availability of the book goes.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you can also get it off my website, drmehetchehel.com, and it takes you like you press the link and it takes you to the book.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and if anybody wants to contact me, my my email is info at drmehechehel.com.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_02: I am happy to get in touch, chat, just have a conversation or answer any questions.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I totally appreciate you and best of luck with your new move.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be fantastic.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate that.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things I love most about today's conversation with Dr.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_01: Mayor Chahal is the reminder that healing isn't always about finding the next answer.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's sometimes about asking better questions, about getting honest, about the stories we've inherited, the patterns we've normalized, and the places we have handed our power away without even realizing it.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_01: If this episode resonated, send it to someone who needs this conversation.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're loving what we're building here at the FitzEN project, I'd be so grateful if you subscribed, left a review, and shared the show.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_01: It genuinely helps these conversations reach more people.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_01: And if you want more conversations around self-leadership, mindset, energy management, and becoming the most aligned version of yourself, come hang with me beyond the podcast.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_01: You can find me at FitsinYoga, on Instagram, at the FitsIn Project, and through my newsletter.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_01: So until next time, I want you to always remember you are your most important project.