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Ep My Relationship With Her. · Welcome To The Mber Show....'s podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Alright, coming to you live from al To Monte Springs, Florida.
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  This is the Ember Show, your host's Ember and this
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  is gonna be a different kind of episode. It's more
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  about relationships in the relationship that I'm in, and I
• 0:15
  want to be completely honest. I don't need to get
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  into prayer about this. This is not gonna be a
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  Bible study session. It's gonna be a fifteen minute kind
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  of therapy session for yo boy. Ride here Ember. And
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  really my name is Mark Belcher. I'm just going to
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  make that clear. And I also want to to state that.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: There's artist's name, there's a podcast name.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, you can call it personality, disorder, traits, whatever
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  it it. It does not matter regardless. I love doing
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  what I do and I'm gonna continue to be who
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  God called me to be as well as I continue
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  to transform. And it really is transforming the way that
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  I used to be and who I'm becoming. It's a
• 1:09
  work in progress. And I have not really necessarily had
• 1:12
  a lot of healthy relationships in my thirty seven years
• 1:16
  here on earth, even in recovery. And I'm not gonna
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  sit here and say it's been completely bad either. There's
• 1:23
  been some good moments, but at the end of the day,
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  I need to be able to not only just get
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  this off my chest, but be able to be honest
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  with myself that it is time to talk about it.
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  And you know, meeting somebody online it is risky and
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  I've done it numerous times and a lot of the
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  outcomes have not been well. I don't want this one
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  to go that route. So I'm talking it out and
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  I've been praying about it. And also that's the thing
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  that you know makes this very special because this is
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  a Bible study podcast, but I want to throw this
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  in here that you know, I met this very special
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  woman in recovery on an AA zoom meeting months and
• 2:15
  months ago, and it progressed into something very quickly, and
• 2:20
  I claimed her as my girlfriend, and we.
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  Speaker 2: Really started to get really close.
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  Speaker 1: And it didn't just happen so quickly, it happened rapidly,
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  and I don't have any regrets. I'm not saying that
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  it's completely over yet. I know that a couple that
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  prays together stays together, but it takes two It's a
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  two way street. And I feel as if I have
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  definitely gone all in more than she has and I
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  don't want to throw her underneath the bus as well.
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  Speaker 2: I won't talk about her personal.
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  Speaker 1: Issues, but but what I will discuss is that marriage
• 3:05
  has been talked aboute life partner has been discussed, and
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  that's within five months. I'm not here saying that that
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  is necessarily false, but there has been also issues with
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  both of us have not ever been in a one
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  hundred percent healthy relationship. But then again, what relationship is
• 3:34
  really one hundred percent healthy besides the one with Jesus
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  Christ and following Christ and being able to get into
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  this relationship and having a significant other that is curious
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  about the Bible, that is curious about prayer, and I
• 3:51
  have prayed for her, I have prayed with her. This
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  woman I am deeply in love with. I have not met,
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  but we have definitely video called. So there is no
• 4:00
  catfishing in this scenario whatsoever.
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  Speaker 2: And I want to make this clear.
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  Speaker 1: There is borderline issues because of trust issues from past
• 4:13
  relationships on both sides, and we definitely had the physical
• 4:18
  attraction then the spiritual attraction, and we're also in the
• 4:23
  same program with fellowships of it.
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  Speaker 2: And I just want to make this very clear that
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  as time has progressed at first.
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  Speaker 1: I wanted to meet her right away. She was not ready.
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  That's completely fine. This is not something that I am
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  shunning her, you know, stoning her, because there has been
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  a lot of things said in the heat of the
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  arguments that I want to address on this podcast for
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  she will listen to this more likely later on or
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  when when ever she gets around to it. I want
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  to be completely honest as well.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not completely angry.
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  Speaker 1: I am disappointed that there has something that has transpired
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  that had delayed our meeting. Again, we have had made
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  dates to meet and they just keep getting pushed back
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  and this and that, and regardless, I love with all
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  I have. I don't have asset and forgive my language,
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  but we all have one of those, so it shouldn't
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  be an issue. If you have heard that and you
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  feel a little offended, I'm sorry. The truth of the
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  matter is I'm at a state of a crossroad where
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  I need to make a decision if my loyalty is
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  going to continue to thrive or is the going to die.
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  Because I don't want to get too overpossessive as I have,
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  I don't want to start arguments that don't need to transpire.
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  I want to make this completely clear and completely honest
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  episode that needs to be stated that no matter what
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  the decision is made, I will continue to do God's will,
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  I will continue to be in AA recovery.
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  Speaker 2: I will always.
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  Speaker 1: Have a spot in my heart for her as well
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  as my brother and my mom. It's this is something
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  that if I have to eliminate the significant other, this
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  is what I need to talk about.
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  Speaker 2: One. I'm not good at goodbyes too.
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  Speaker 1: I have been emotionally rockin and there has been standards
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  and expectations put on both sides that I believe have
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  put tension on the relationship. But there has been a
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  lot of great communication. There has been a lot of
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  great genuine connection. There has been also a lot of
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  great recovery talk.
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  Speaker 2: The only thing that's missing in the.
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  Speaker 1: Main ingredient is physical Dutch, physical meat. And that's why
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  it's been so It's been on both sides that we
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  have been pushing the issue that you know, she says
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  I want you here. I say that I'm ready to
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  meet you, and that has been said numerous times. And
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  I have been in this situation and I don't want
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  to play the comparison game.
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  Speaker 2: And let's just say that this relationship.
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  Speaker 1: Is a lot better than some of the other long
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  distance relationships I have been in.
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  Speaker 2: Thank God.
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  Speaker 1: I just want to be able to also handle it properly.
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  I am only two years from a twenty year drinking
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  career and using as well, and it has been an
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  interesting journey. I have not been able to find stability
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  because everything was in a sense giving to me from
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  the age of zero to thirty or I contributed financially
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  as well, helping my parents, helping whoever I stayed with.
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  But I've never had my own anything. And that's because
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  I consistently wanted to party. I wanted to consistently use.
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  I wanted to I was a party animal, and that's
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  where most.
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  Speaker 2: Of my money went.
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  Speaker 1: And when you have alcoholism and drug addiction, there is
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  very terrible budgeting in the money. And I've had to
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  learn the hard way in my Wilderness season, being you know,
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  in the states of minds that or survival mode, and
• 9:02
  instead of striving, being in this state of mind and
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  still being able to have a relationship has been very
• 9:12
  beneficial for me. It has been very beneficial for my recovery.
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  Now I can't say that's completely I can't speak for
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  her completely. But the thing about it is, I've had
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  a lot of thank you for the prayers. I've had
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  a lot of thank you for the time. I've had
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  a lot of her childlike spirit come out as well
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  as mine, and we have shared a lot of things
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  with each other.
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  Speaker 2: We have cried together, and there's so much that has.
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  Speaker 1: Been crammed in less than five months that I believe
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  that it is such an emotional tangle. And regardless, we
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  can also talk about how there has been not only
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  just possessing and trust issues, but there has been.
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  Speaker 2: Breakups.
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  Speaker 1: And forgive me if you hear any other kind of
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  noise in the background. I am outside as I record this,
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  but I got about five minutes. I want to make
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  this clear that I don't have any intentions on giving
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  up on this woman. I do believe she is my soulmate,
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  and I understand that what comes with soulmates is it
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  is not necessarily a process of it's always going to.
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  Speaker 2: Be smooth sailing. I know that this woman and.
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  Speaker 1: I definitely have had our doubts and fears and everything
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  thrown out there on the table. I've seen her in
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  states of mind that you know she hasn't shown a
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  lot of people and same with me, and there's also
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  been a lot of the brain picking, right Like, we've
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  been able to make each other better, We've been able
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  to make each other realize our shortcomings in and.
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  Speaker 2: Our special spiritual gifts.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm not going to get into those because those
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  are personal. And this is something that has been a
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  private relationship that I want to bring public, but she
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  has been very hesitant with that for for not whatever reason.
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  I don't want to undermine it for her preference, and.
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  Speaker 2: I am not.
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  Speaker 1: Okay with the whole guy friends. I know that things
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  could be different in the future if we were physically
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  in person. I have certain criterias, She has certain criterias
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  that have not a one hundred percent been met consistently,
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  But that should not undermine the fact that there is
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  love here, there is commitment, there is time already put in.
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  There's been things that have been said that are concrete,
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  that are God is in the middle of this relationship,
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  and I believe that sometimes we play tuggo war and
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  we tend to forget that God is in the center
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  of this relationship and he can repair what needs to
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  be repaired. So as I continue to go on this
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  journey as following Christ. He's just a believer, and I
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  don't say just as that that's nothing. But at the
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  end of the day, I'm carrying most of the spiritual
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  weight and I don't mind doing that. I just want
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  to be more appreciative. I want to be able to
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  have plans that actually that are solid and they happen.
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  I don't want this jumping in jumping out. And I'm
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  not just talking about her. There's been times where I'm like, oh,
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  maybe this maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe, but there's no
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  no or yes, and the patience that has been very
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  hard to obtain. And I only have two more minutes.
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  I want to kind of cram this all in, you know,
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  with it being that I don't feel as if she
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  is ready for a committed relationship. I'm not sitting here
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  saying that I'm equipped to be in a serious relationship
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  in the physical, but that does not eliminate the fact
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  that I believe that we should still meet and be
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  able to obtain something physical out of this and see
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  where it goes. I just leave it in the Lord's
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  hands as well. I'm nowhere near as perfect either as she,
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  but to walk away from this, I think would be easier.
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  So I want to be able to work on this,
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  and I want to give encouragement to anybody that is
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  kind of going through something similar, whether it's a long
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  distance relationship or a new relationship.
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  Speaker 2: It's easy nowadays.
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  Speaker 1: To kind of jump ship and go back to whether
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  it be friends or whether it be you know, searching
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  the market and dating or whatever. Like loyalty over love.
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  Sometimes you have to use that analogy. You have to
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  try it because you just never know what you may
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  be thrown away. You might think the grass is greener
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  on the other side, you get over there and you
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  get used and abused, and you just kind of walked
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  away from where you should have stayed.
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  Speaker 2: So I'll leave it at that.
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  Speaker 1: My name is Mark, and this is the Ember Show.
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  Your host Ember, and I'm just grateful that I was
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  able to kind of get this off my chest. I
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  do feel a little bit better, and check out some
• 14:50
  of my other podcasts as well. I think that you
• 14:53
  will obtain something very valuable from them. Thank you for
• 14:57
  pressing play.