Latest / Recovering Out Loud / Stand-Up Comedy, Sobriety & Treadmills: Andrew’s Journey from Addiction to Ultra Marathon Recovery

Transcript

Stand-Up Comedy, Sobriety & Treadmills: Andrew’s Journey from Addiction to Ultra Marathon Recovery · Recovering Out Loud

0:23
How's it going, Andrew? Good.
0:24
How are you, man? I'm.
0:24
Good buddy. Thanks so much for coming in.
0:26
I appreciate you. Of course, happy to be here.
0:28
I've been following you on Will somebody message me?
0:31
This is I love Instagram. You know, these there's a lot of
0:34
good and a lot of bad in social media, but for sure, I've been
0:36
connecting to a lot of cool people through this whole
0:38
podcast process. A lot of people in recovery, a
0:41
lot of people suffering with other addictions.
0:43
You know, I've been talking a lot about food addictions, like
0:45
all these cool avenues that I've never would have known about if
0:47
I didn't start this thing. And somebody messaged me, One of
0:50
one of the viewers messaged me and said, you gotta reach out to
0:52
this guy. He's fucking hilarious.
0:54
He's sober, you know, And so I started watching your stuff and
0:58
I love, I love what you're doing, man.
0:59
It's great. Like I love that you're open and
1:01
vulnerable about, you know, being in recovery too, because I
1:05
think there's a lot of people in your industry, but in kind of
1:08
this creator industry that are that are maybe suffering and
1:11
don't talk about it enough. So.
1:13
Yeah, I think it's good, You know, like you're in recovery as
1:18
well, right. So when you get sober after a
1:20
little bit, you try to think of like ways you can give back, you
1:24
know, how you can maybe use your specific like set of skills to,
1:28
to contribute. And one thing that I'm sort of
1:32
blessed with is that I'm just comfortable talking about sort
1:35
of anything because I've been doing comedy for like 15 years.
1:39
So I'm like, just really used to like embarrassing myself in
1:42
front of rooms full of people and like oversharing and stuff
1:46
like that. So whereas for some people like
1:49
talking about addiction, I think it's kind of hard for me.
1:51
Like it doesn't really bother me at all.
1:54
So I figure I might as well because, yeah, a lot of people
1:58
don't like to talk about it. And then they end up stuck in it
2:01
for longer because they're not talking about it, right?
2:03
They're kind of ignoring it. And I think a lot of people who
2:06
struggle like we do have a lot of shame.
2:08
And, you know, there's nothing to be ashamed of.
2:11
It's a thing that, like, so very many people struggle with.
2:14
You know, it's a normal human thing.
2:17
And a lot of people lose, like more of their life than they
2:21
should have to lose, like so many just years of their life
2:27
evaporating because they don't want to admit that they have
2:30
problem. They have shame about their
2:32
problem. And it's like if they didn't
2:33
feel that shame, you know, maybe they would have cleaned up a
2:37
decade before. So I try to just wear it on my
2:40
chest as much as I can and hope that that does something for
2:44
someone out there. Do people reach out to you like
2:46
about addiction? I do.
2:47
I do get that on Instagram. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2:50
Which I'm always. I try to reply to everybody.
2:52
As my account grows, it gets harder to manage and also it's
2:57
funny, sometimes people really share.
2:59
Which is, which is. Cool.
3:01
Which is cool. Like anyone can message me
3:03
anything. I'm totally fine with it.
3:05
It's just sometimes you're like, oh, I don't know what to do.
3:07
I'm not qualified for this. You know, is I, I started
3:11
posting about sobriety when I was only, you know, nine months
3:13
in or something. So it's like, you know, I'm kind
3:16
of just showing the baby steps of when you're in early
3:18
recovery. But so, and I think that can be
3:20
helpful to some people. And I have some pretty basic
3:23
advice that I feel comfortable giving.
3:25
But ultimately, even right now, I'm less than three years, I'm
3:28
not like an expert, you know, so sometimes people would come to
3:32
me with some shit. I feel like I don't know what
3:34
to, I got a message from like some lady and I think like Yemen
3:39
and you know, she's a woman in Yemen.
3:40
We I couldn't relate less to what her life is.
3:45
And she's like, I'm struggling so much and I don't know what to
3:47
do. And I was like, I was like,
3:50
well, could you? Is rehab an option?
3:51
Do you think you could do that? And she was like, in my country,
3:53
that would ruin my life. It would ruin my life.
3:55
If I went to rehab. She was like, I would, I would
3:58
be just viewed as a drug addict for the rest of my life and
4:01
completely written off. And I was like, OK, good luck
4:04
out there. You know, I don't know what to.
4:06
Sorry. God, I wish I could help you,
4:08
but I got nothing. I got nothing for a woman in
4:10
Yemen struggling with addiction, unfortunately.
4:13
Oh man, it's true though. He's like, we can relate on a
4:18
lot of things. But yeah, like rehab's the only
4:20
thing that helped me, you know, and we were talking about this
4:22
before. That's the only thing that I was
4:25
able because I, for me, I, I just couldn't stop on my own to
4:29
get that, that first bit of clarity where it's like you kind
4:32
of have this experience in rehab and maybe you can relate to this
4:34
where you look back and you're like, holy shit.
4:37
You're like, who's that guy? Who's that guy doing all those
4:39
things, right? So can you get into a little bit
4:41
about, you know, how you got into recovery and what brought
4:44
you here? Yeah, so rehab also worked for
4:47
me. A lot of people like, you know,
4:49
they go to rehab when they're like finally ready or whatever.
4:53
I was cornered and forced. I got, I was intervened upon
4:59
very much in the way that you see on TV.
5:02
It's fucking brutal. Did you have an intervention?
5:07
Yeah from oh man my I'm gonna get killed for this, but for I
5:13
had a an intervention from my in laws on Christmas.
5:16
In laws. Wow.
5:18
So I've had, you know, some before that, yeah, one or two
5:22
that I can think of for my parents, but they had known what
5:24
was going on. But this one was like.
5:25
Wait on Christmas? That's only just hitting me,
5:27
Yeah. It was, it was a lot.
5:29
Yeah. So I I was like, Merry
5:31
Christmas. I was not in a good place.
5:36
Yeah. No, what a day.
5:39
But it's funny like how squirrely addicts can be and how
5:43
tricky it is sort of to corner us sometimes because sometimes
5:46
you know that that's like coming down the pipe maybe so you can
5:49
be hard to track down. And I guess they were like
5:52
Christmas, he's got to be here, we'll get him at Christmas.
5:55
We know the date and location we're going to get him.
5:59
There's food here. He's going to show up.
6:01
Yeah, yeah. That's so funny.
6:03
So I don't know if yours was like this.
6:05
I think I feel like they're all kind of similar, but, you know,
6:08
it's a bunch of people that you like and love and your, their
6:12
opinion of you matters and they sit you down.
6:15
And then my my friends all had letters that they'd written out.
6:18
My friends are comedians, so they're good writers.
6:21
They they know how to write and they didn't write funny for
6:25
this, but they're good writers. And then they just really
6:29
accurately describe everything that's wrong with you right to
6:33
your face. And you just got to got to take
6:37
it on the chin and be like, oh, no, nothing you're saying is
6:40
wrong. And it sucked.
6:45
So I would, I sort of got put in rehab against my will.
6:48
Really. Well, not, I mean, I went
6:50
ultimately, you know, no one can like force you to go, but I
6:54
didn't want to. But they, yeah, they cornered
6:57
me. They told me everything they
6:59
thought was wrong with me. Then they were like, they were
7:02
like, we've already talked to this rehab facility.
7:04
It's in Kingston. It's less than a three hour
7:06
drive. We can take you there right now.
7:08
And I was like, shit, OK, yeah, maybe we can do that.
7:13
And they were like, great, It's $25,000.
7:15
And I was like, shut the fuck up.
7:18
I was like. What are?
7:20
You talking about $25,000? It was $25,000.
7:23
I do cocaine four times a week. I don't have $25,000.
7:27
I'm already in debt from all of the cocaine.
7:29
Doing like this is gonna ruin my life.
7:32
And then they were like, well, we talked to your parents and I
7:34
was like, you talked to my fucking parents.
7:37
You know, parents have entered the chat.
7:38
I was super stressed about that. But I am also a really lucky guy
7:42
and that my parents, like we didn't grow up like rich, but
7:45
they are super good with money and super frugal people in a
7:50
good way. And they've done well for
7:52
themselves over the course of our life.
7:54
And they were like, if you know, if it means that you won't die,
7:57
we have, we will. We have money and you know, you
8:00
can pay us back kind of whenever.
8:01
And a lot of people don't have that.
8:03
So I'm really fortunate that they were willing to help out
8:09
and so I agreed to go not to that first one that was 25 Ki
8:11
refused to accept that price for some reason.
8:14
I was like, there's got to be a better deal than that.
8:17
And it sounded too nice and I was feeling shame.
8:20
I was like, we good we got to find a worse cheaper one worse
8:24
in terms of the accommodations, not like the quality of care.
8:29
So I went to we found one for 15 grand and I went I went there.
8:34
Yeah, rehab was so helpful, but I definitely going in, I didn't
8:39
even know if I wanted to quit drinking.
8:40
I just, I knew cocaine was a huge problem.
8:43
I was like, I got to stop doing coke.
8:44
But I was like, I can't even imagine life without alcohol
8:49
because it's so common and like prevalent in my industry, like
8:53
doing comedy. Every show is in a bar or
8:56
wherever. You know, all my friends drink.
8:58
My friend has a bar in his house named after me.
9:02
There's an Andrew Bar. It's like my buddy's basement.
9:05
He named it after me because my last name.
9:06
It's a pun, but, you know, like alcohol.
9:08
OK, I just got that. Yeah.
9:10
Yeah. The Andrew Barr, right?
9:11
Yeah, yeah, Yeah. So alcohol was like really
9:13
entrenched in my life, but I didn't know if I.
9:15
Had a choice. I didn't know if I wanted to
9:16
give that up. I was like, I'll stop doing
9:18
cocaine. But I think, yeah, rehab, the
9:23
most important thing it gave me was just that reset.
9:26
Just like 35 or wait, no, I was there for 33 days.
9:30
That's the longest I had ever gone since I started without
9:35
drinking or doing drugs. And it like your mind does snap
9:39
back a little bit in that time. Like the addiction loses some of
9:41
the control and more of yourself has control again.
9:45
And that was so valuable, I found.
9:52
I, I had that exact same thing happen to me where I was like,
9:55
OK, I can, I can accept the, the cocaine thing 'cause I, I was a
9:57
coke adder too. And, but I can't imagine not
10:01
drinking for the rest of my life.
10:02
And people just kept saying, and I always say this, but people
10:04
could just kept saying just don't drink today, You know,
10:07
just one day at a time, Just don't drink today.
10:09
And that was really helpful for me, but I've ultimately come to
10:12
this realization that it's all the same shit, you know, same
10:14
shit, different shovel. I always say that I heard that
10:16
one time, You know, I use, I use outside things to, to change my
10:20
insides, right. And I, I agree with you.
10:22
I, I was, I'm, we are fortunate 'cause I'm in, I was in the same
10:25
place as you where, and I was feeling a lot of guilt and shame
10:29
too. And, and my therapist, you know,
10:30
kind of helped me through that where she said if my daughter
10:34
was struggling with addiction and drug abuse, like, do you not
10:38
think or, And she posted on me too.
10:39
If you had a daughter, I don't have kids yet.
10:41
You had a daughter or a son that was struggling with drug
10:43
addiction and alcoholism in there, had the possibility of
10:45
dying at any moment, right, 'cause cocaine nowadays is
10:48
fucking laced with fentanyl, could happen.
10:51
Would you pay whatever it took to save her life?
10:54
And I was like, fuck you. Fuck yeah.
10:56
Like, God, that's so true. And it made me feel better,
10:58
right, 'cause like, yeah, ultimately I would, I would pay
11:02
whatever price to, to save their life, right.
11:04
And I'm super grateful too, that I had my, my in laws.
11:06
You know, we laugh, we laugh about it, but because it was
11:09
painful and it's kind of a bit of a coping mechanism, I want to
11:12
get into that too, this kind of coping mechanism with comedy.
11:15
And, you know, you do stand up for a living.
11:16
So I'm really interested in that.
11:17
But I'm grateful for that day because I didn't really know
11:22
that I was affecting my in laws as much as I as I was.
11:25
Yeah. And they saw their daughter just
11:26
going through it, me dragging her through the mud.
11:28
Right, right. Yeah, It's affecting their kid.
11:30
Exactly, and you know they do anything to protect their kid,
11:32
right? For sure, Pack.
11:33
And I'm extremely grateful for that day.
11:35
Yeah, that's a lot of love from the in laws.
11:37
Yeah. You know, not even blood.
11:38
Yeah. But stepping up to the plate,
11:40
Yeah. Yeah.
11:40
So it's nice thing, yeah. And and that was a moment too,
11:43
where I was like, fuck, like, I need to get back into this,
11:45
right? I'm I, yeah, Once again, I don't
11:48
have control over this situation like I thought I did.
11:50
I don't have control over my drug addiction.
11:53
Yeah, Yeah, I didn't either. Yeah, I'm so lucky that my my
11:57
parents were able to help out. You know, what helps me a little
12:00
bit with the guilt is that before I went to rehab, my
12:03
brother went to rehab like a few years before.
12:07
But I was like, oh, OK, that's kind of evens it out.
12:09
You know, my parents are always about like, if they buy him
12:13
groceries, they'll like send me 50 bucks or whatever.
12:16
They're very like they want to, they don't want to show
12:18
favoritism to one over the other.
12:19
So I'm like, OK, he got rehab first.
12:21
I get one. You know, makes sense now.
12:23
Now, now I have to be a good boy, but I had to sort of get
12:27
out of jail free card sitting there.
12:29
Love it. Yeah.
12:31
So talking about that, like, how do you, how do you incorporate
12:35
your kind of addiction and into your your sets and your bits?
12:38
And has it changed as you stayed sober longer?
12:42
Yeah, I think when I first got out I did like a lot of stand up
12:47
about sobriety, which is good. And I, I still do those jokes
12:51
and stuff, but especially then it was just like, the only thing
12:54
I ever thought about is it's, it's so on your mind when you're
12:57
first sober here because you're not sure if you're going to
12:59
relapse and everything. And I really, yeah, I just
13:05
wanted to wear it on my chest right away because it's what I
13:07
was going through and what I was thinking about all the time.
13:10
And also I was nervous about relapsing.
13:13
So I wanted like the accountability, you know, I was
13:16
like, if I'm talking about it all the time, everyone around me
13:18
is going to know about it. And then that puts in a good
13:22
way, I think, just more pressure on me to stay the path, you
13:25
know. So I just wanted everyone around
13:27
me to know, hey, this is what I'm going through.
13:29
This is what I'm doing. I'm not supposed to be drinking.
13:31
If you see me drinking, that's bad.
13:35
And yeah, I do like talking about it on stage.
13:38
Now that I'm a couple years in, I've started to like, you know,
13:42
write jokes about other things. Again, it's funny, like it's,
13:46
it's kind of nice. I think every phase of sobriety
13:49
so far I've found really nice. Like the early going is great.
13:52
I really liked the first six months because you start to feel
13:56
like yourself again. You know, you get like control
13:59
of your brain back and it's really good.
14:02
Now I'm at a phase where even though it's still a massive part
14:07
of my life, it's maybe not as much my entire personality as it
14:12
was for a little bit, which I still a huge part, but I'm just
14:16
learning things like every every other sober person I meet
14:22
doesn't have to be my new best friend.
14:26
I don't know if everyone's like that in the early going, but
14:28
when I was early in sobriety, every time I met a sober person,
14:31
I'd be like, OK, we, we're sober people.
14:33
And so now we go for coffee. We talk all the time.
14:37
You know, I, I thought every person I met had to be like my
14:40
new best pal. And sometimes after shows,
14:43
people will be like, oh, hey, awesome show.
14:45
I'm in recovery. And I'd be like, OK, what?
14:46
What next? And they're like, they're like
14:49
just saying hi, really. Like I'm on my way home.
14:51
I gotta go back to New York, man.
14:53
Like, yeah. Yeah, it's, you know, I'm not
14:55
your new dad. Dad over here.
14:57
Just like good. Nice show.
14:58
Goodbye, Strange man. Yeah.
15:03
That's awesome. So yeah.
15:06
So you find that like what's what, what's kind of like the
15:08
comedy community like nowadays? Is it kind of split with like, I
15:15
think a lot of people want to know myself, I love stand up,
15:17
right? It helps me a lot.
15:18
There's a lot of comedians that I like to watch.
15:20
But is it, do you do you see it a lot?
15:23
Do you see the addiction? And you're like, oh man, that
15:25
guy's in it bad right now or. You know what?
15:28
Way less than I used to. I think there's a lot of talk in
15:34
general about how the next generation is drinking way less,
15:37
you know, and I think that's where you know, so you're
15:40
probably seeing that in every industry and comedies in one of
15:43
them, the younger comics, maybe they just, it's just that I'm
15:46
not around when they're really fucked up and stuff.
15:49
But I don't see people drinking quite the way that they used to.
15:53
I think possibly that's there's an economical reason for that as
15:57
well. Like it's the the rent in the
15:59
city has gone up so much and the cost of drinking has gone up a
16:02
lot and maybe mother fuckers just can't afford it.
16:04
I don't. Know but.
16:05
I don't see people really getting turned up on a Monday
16:09
and Tuesday like I used to when I started, but the city was a
16:13
much more affordable place at the time too, so that could be a
16:16
factor. But I find the the community's
16:21
been really supportive of me being sober.
16:23
Frankly, everybody's been great to me about it and I never feel
16:27
like any pressure to drink or anything like that.
16:30
And I think that, you know, there's people in the community
16:33
that are sober a lot more than they used to be, which is nice
16:36
for me. There's still people that drink
16:39
pretty heavy, but everybody gets along from what I can tell.
16:42
You know, we're all sort of artists 1st and you know, I
16:48
don't, I don't mind being around people that drink honestly, as
16:52
long as it's not like a huge problem for them or whatever.
16:55
Like, you know, some people can have a few and you know, it
16:58
doesn't ruin their whole life like it does, like it does for
17:01
me. And I, even though, yeah, I find
17:03
it kind of confusing, I'm happy for them, right?
17:06
Like I, I don't know, some people are like, yeah, I had
17:09
five beers and now I'm going home.
17:10
I'm like, oh, OK. I, I would be calling a guy and
17:14
I'd be up for the next, you know, 14 hours probably.
17:18
That's good for you. Yeah, I don't.
17:21
I don't mind being around people that are, that are drinking and
17:23
stuff. So that's been good to a point.
17:27
I don't know if you're like me, like, I like being around people
17:31
when they're drinking up until like a certain point and then I
17:35
go home and it's not a big deal. Like when first I got sober, I
17:38
had a lot of FOMO, right? I was worried about because I
17:41
was always the guy who shut down the bar like every day almost.
17:45
I was the last person in the bar.
17:47
Everyone else had gone home. I'd have a drink or two with the
17:49
staff while they were cleaning up.
17:51
Like I never missed anything. So when I got sober, I was like,
17:54
oh, I'm going to miss all this fun stuff.
17:56
And then, you know, you hang out in a bar sober, and by midnight,
18:00
you're like, OK, yeah. Nothing here for me, yeah.
18:04
After midnight, nobody's saying shit.
18:06
I, I, my, my cue often to go home is when someone starts
18:11
telling me a story for the second time.
18:13
That's usually when I'm like, OK, you guys are on a different
18:19
plane now. You guys are doing a lap.
18:21
Basically, you know, everything social, everything that social
18:25
need that was gonna happen has happened and now you're just
18:28
doing it again. It's like, you know what, that's
18:30
super fun for you. And no, of course, no judgement,
18:34
but you know, that's my cue to go home and play a little bit of
18:37
video games by myself on the couch and go bed.
18:40
And then wake up and not hate yourself the next.
18:43
Day the waking up not hating yourself is pretty good, isn't
18:46
it yeah yeah I. Remember my first New Year's in
18:49
recovery like I've so I've been in recovery since 2015.
18:52
Nice. Congrats.
18:53
Well, I've had three. I mean, yeah, Congrats.
18:55
It is good because yeah, I've done a lot of hard work.
18:57
I've had, I'm back at probably six months now again because I
19:01
had a relapse, hence the three rehabs.
19:03
I didn't go for fun You. Know yeah, yeah, just.
19:05
Testing them out. Yeah.
19:05
Yeah. No, this one's good.
19:06
That one's not so good. Yeah.
19:07
I always, I was like the food critic, the guy that goes up in,
19:10
in like undercover clothes. Yeah.
19:12
I wasn't actually there. And I was just testing out the
19:14
rehab centers. No, I went because I had to go.
19:16
And that was a fucking mess. But yeah, it, you know, you, you
19:22
learn a lot. You mentioned the early going
19:25
being being really good. Yeah.
19:28
I think they call it the pink. Cloud, Yeah.
19:29
Pink cloud days. Yeah, yeah.
19:31
And obviously you're past that now, right?
19:32
Yeah. When you have, you know, really
19:34
tough days in recovery and life happens and shit goes on and
19:37
stuffs out of your control, what kind of things do you do to to
19:41
mitigate or get back on the horse?
19:44
I'm a huge exercise guy. That's been really helpful.
19:47
I feel like I can tell that you are also fit.
19:48
Yeah. I used to run marathons too.
19:50
I mean, you run ultra marathons, right?
19:52
I've. Run 2 technically, but yeah
19:55
that's new for me. How?
19:56
Many kilometers? Is that just so people know?
19:58
Well, I I guess technically an ultra marathon is anything over
20:01
42. 42 which is a regular marathon.
20:04
Yeah, which is a regular marathon is 42.2.
20:07
So I've run a 52 and I've run a 6565 is the farthest I've run.
20:12
I did that last week, actually. Nice.
20:15
Yeah, not at like an official event.
20:16
I just did it on a treadmill. I was going to say, that's even
20:18
more impressive. Yeah.
20:19
I was going to ask you, wasn't it on a treadmill?
20:20
I was watching your video. Yeah, I just did it on a
20:22
treadmill by myself. It was.
20:24
It was really boring and hard. But it feels so good when you're
20:27
done right? It does, yeah.
20:29
Yeah, I was proud of. It you mentioned you broke a
20:31
toenail too I think in that video.
20:32
You know what? It stayed on there.
20:34
It's funny sometimes, I don't know.
20:36
Yeah. You've run long distances.
20:37
You know, your body just will start to complain about stuff
20:40
while you're doing it, and you have to sort of assess while
20:42
you're running. Like, OK, is what my body's
20:46
complaining about serious? Or is it just being a bit of a
20:48
bitch? You know, I find like most of
20:52
the time any external pain like stuff on my feet or like, you
20:56
know, sometimes my nipples chafe or stuff like that.
20:58
That's a tough. One, yeah, it's tough, but I
21:00
find those ones you can plow through.
21:02
Like if you just ignore it for long enough, your body sort of
21:06
realizes you're not going to stop and it's like, fine, and it
21:09
stops. It gives up.
21:10
It stops giving you that pain notification because it's like
21:13
it's not doing anything. He's not changing his behavior
21:15
so whatever. So my toenail was really bugging
21:20
me and I thought it fell off but it was still on.
21:22
Thank God. I find foot pain you can plow
21:24
through. It's when your organs get mad at
21:27
you that you're in real trouble. Probably a good indication you
21:29
should do something about. That Yeah, Yeah.
21:31
When the organs start to bark at you, then you're like, OK,
21:34
something actually needs to change.
21:36
Because I guess technically, you know, you could live without
21:38
your feet. You could live without your
21:39
arms. Technically, you know, they're a
21:40
little bit expendable, and I think they know that.
21:42
But your organs are like, no, we run the show, motherfucker, you
21:46
need us. Plus, they're really expensive
21:48
on the black market. Absolutely, yeah.
21:50
And I, you know, I'm still in rehab debt.
21:54
Same. Yeah, Oh, man.
21:57
But yeah, the, the exercise for me when I'm having a hard time
22:00
is running, especially if you're feeling anxious, you know, it's
22:05
a really hard thing to get into. I feel a lot of people find
22:08
running daunting, and it is. It's hard.
22:11
And like, at first you get shin splints, it's painful, stuff
22:13
like that. But once you get really good at
22:16
it, yeah, like you can eliminate a lot of anxiety in an hour if
22:21
you can just go RIP on the treadmill for an hour.
22:24
Like a normal like hour run for me is like, you know, between
22:28
12:00 to 14K and you can just get on that thing and like smash
22:32
1000 calories and like it's like the calories were anxiety.
22:36
Like it's just feel so much better after every time.
22:42
I find too that, and maybe I don't know if you do this too, I
22:45
was going to ask you about your creative process a little bit.
22:47
But whenever I'm like, whenever I'm struggling with like a
22:50
dilemma or a problem that I have, I find that when I go on a
22:53
run, I really here's my thought process and I get a lot of good
22:58
ideas, you know, whether creative or not creative.
23:01
Yeah, I agree with that for sure.
23:03
I think you'd running is good for finding like clarity.
23:07
If something's really bugging you, you'll typically feel
23:10
better at the end of the run because of the like endorphins
23:13
and shit. But also, yeah, there is
23:15
something that about it that sort of lets you, like, meditate
23:19
on your problems in a way that is like, productive instead of
23:23
like stewing. I guess.
23:25
Like if I had a problem and I spent an hour thinking about it
23:29
on the treadmill or an hour thinking about it sitting in a
23:31
chair, just kind of mad. I feel like definitely I'll
23:36
reach a better resolution with the treadmill running, yeah.
23:41
Yeah, I meant to ask you this before, but how did you know
23:44
that you were going to get into stand up?
23:46
I know that's like the kind of it's not an easy decision to
23:48
make, right? Just choose that path.
23:50
I sort of happened by it really when I was in high school.
23:56
So I would say as a kid at first I wanted to be like an athlete.
23:58
Specifically, I wanted to be a pro wrestler and then.
24:02
You got, you kind of got the body for it like.
24:05
I got a miniature. I could be like maybe a
24:06
luchador. If I was gonna.
24:10
Appropriate a culture a little bit.
24:11
Yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm. That's The thing is I've, I'm
24:14
too little for like the big leagues anyway, unless I were to
24:19
be like a high flying kind of guy, I guess.
24:21
But Rey Mysterio, yeah, yeah, I could be maybe a Rey Mysterio if
24:25
I had got started 20 years ago getting into it.
24:29
But I don't know. That dream sort of evaporated
24:31
because I was so little. And I also just like lived in
24:33
small town Ontario and it was really lofty thing, but I was
24:37
still kind of into athletics and stuff for a while.
24:40
Like I was a sprinter actually. I never did any distance running
24:43
as a kid, but I was a pretty fast sprinter for a little bit
24:45
and I liked that. And then I stopped growing in
24:49
the eighth grade and other kids kept growing.
24:53
And you know, I just got phased out of athletics pretty much,
24:57
which was what my life sort of revolved around at that point,
25:01
which is a tough pill as a kid because like I said, I'm from a
25:05
really remote place. So I was kind of a stud there.
25:10
But that I remember we, we, I went to this track meet and I
25:13
was from a town of like all white people.
25:15
You know, there was like 2 Asian families, One ran the
25:17
convenience store and one ran the Chinese restaurant.
25:20
And then other than that, only white people live in the town.
25:22
So I remember I went to this like, bigger track meet and
25:25
pretty much like met a black person for the first time and
25:28
that guy destroyed me in the 100 meter dash.
25:32
I remember getting to the starting line.
25:33
He's like, I was like, yeah, 57. He was like 6-1, just ripped
25:39
veins popping out. And I was like, I don't, oh, I
25:42
got to get into theater. I think.
25:46
I was like, I, I never beat this specimen in a race.
25:49
This guy's A7 fucking unit, you know?
25:55
So I got, I got into the arts when nature told me that I would
26:00
never be an athlete. And I was doing like improv and
26:06
theater stuff in high school and I was enjoying that.
26:10
And then I found out about the Humber Comedy program, which is
26:15
a legitimate college program that's comedy oriented that you
26:19
can take. A friend of mine who is a couple
26:21
years older than me took it and my parents were very like, after
26:28
high school, you need to go to college, some kind of post
26:31
secondary education. We don't care what it is,
26:34
university, college, but you have to take something.
26:38
You know, we have money set aside.
26:39
This is like mandatory. You got to do something.
26:42
And then I came back and I was like, there's this comedy
26:45
program. And they were like, we didn't
26:47
know that existed when we, you know, they were like, oh, OK.
26:54
It's. Technically a college program.
26:58
So I did that and I sort of fell in love with stand up there.
27:01
I came in with like more of an improv sketch background and I
27:05
thought I would be one of those guys.
27:06
And then I did stand up like once and I was like, oh, that's
27:10
what I like doing. I feel fortunate to have found
27:13
that at a young age. I was like, you had to stand up
27:17
for the first time when I was 17 still or freshly 18.
27:22
And I knew right away that I really, really love doing it.
27:26
And takes a lot of people a lot longer to find like whatever
27:29
thing is their thing, you know, So I'm grateful that I found it
27:34
that young. A lot of people start stand up
27:37
when they've like already failed at a couple other things.
27:40
Like I feel like it's like late 20s is normally like they've
27:42
been to college a couple times and it didn't really work out
27:45
and they're like fuck it, I'm finally going to try stand up.
27:48
I've always wanted to do it and I'm yeah, lucky that I pretty
27:51
much just started doing it from jump.
27:53
What? What?
27:53
What about it like excites you? Like what?
27:57
What is it that makes you happy about it?
28:01
It's just so direct, like it's just you, the audience.
28:07
You say something, they laugh or they don't, and that as an
28:11
addict, like that dopamine hit of I say something immediately,
28:14
people laugh really hard in your face at your idea is so that
28:19
feeling is better than any drug that I've had.
28:23
It's really great. And I think one of the things I
28:27
enjoy about stand up a lot is that as a kid I always felt kind
28:33
of unusual, right? Like, I don't know, I think I'm
28:36
a bit of an odd person. I'm not like most people in a
28:40
lot of ways. And I think as a kid I found
28:42
that really isolating, which is possibly where the origins of
28:46
addiction are for me as well, is, you know, you want to fit
28:49
in. And when everyone's on the same
28:51
drug, it's easier to feel like you all belong together because
28:55
of your minds are all being altered in the same way.
28:58
But yeah, as a as a kid, I felt often unusual.
29:03
And what I like about stand up is I can take what's unusual
29:10
about my brain and craft it into something and show it to people.
29:16
And when they laugh at it, it's like validating.
29:19
And it makes me feel not so alone, you know, that there's,
29:23
it feels like there's some purpose to me being skewed in
29:27
the way that I am. You can use it as a gift.
29:31
Right. Yeah.
29:31
That's awesome. Yeah, it turns it into something
29:34
that is special instead of something that is, you know,
29:37
negative or other. Yeah, have you ever?
29:43
I think I already know the answer to this, but have you
29:44
ever bombed really bad? Oh buddy, it happens thousands
29:47
of times. I was hoping there's one that's
29:49
sticking out, but it's like a brain of let me.
29:52
Think, see if I can think, is it when when you first start stand
29:54
up, all you do is bomb, unless you're so fortunate.
29:57
But yeah, it's, it's really hard to do.
30:00
Like most people's number one fear is public speaking, right?
30:05
If you put on top of the fact that you have to just talk in
30:08
front of people that those you have to make them laugh, ideally
30:12
like a few times a minute. It's a lot of pressure.
30:15
It's difficult to do, especially when you're young.
30:17
Like I started doing stand up when I was like 18.
30:19
I had nothing to talk about, you know?
30:21
Like no one gives a shit what you think when you're 18 years
30:24
old. I'm like 18 performing for rooms
30:26
full of people that are like 30 to 40 years old.
30:28
Like, what do they give a fuck, you know?
30:32
So yeah, when for most comics, the first few years is like,
30:36
you're bombing as often as it's going well, you know, if you're
30:39
lucky. I'm grateful that my first set
30:42
went pretty good, and that was enough to sort of give me the
30:45
bug and give me the confidence that, OK, like, this can go
30:49
well. I just have to figure out how to
30:52
do that more consistently. But I am capable of this if I
30:58
just bombed my first set, I don't know.
31:01
I don't know if I'd be here today even.
31:03
But yeah, bombing is just part of it.
31:06
As you get better and more experience, you will learn.
31:11
I feel like you never fully stop bombing.
31:14
Your bombs just don't look as bad like you.
31:17
Learn to bomb gracefully. Yeah, you bounce back a little
31:20
bit. Better, Yeah, and, and you know
31:22
what, bombing really isn't that bad a thing if you're
31:25
comfortable in your own skin. Like, you know, once you've been
31:27
doing it for a while, a joke cannot land and you just go,
31:30
okay, well, that one didn't work, did it?
31:32
Oops. You know, and people are like,
31:34
okay, I find as long as you feel comfortable, the audience feels
31:38
comfortable. But in the early stages, you're
31:40
uncomfortable and when a joke doesn't work, then you're really
31:43
uncomfortable. And then if they if they can see
31:45
that you're really uncomfortable.
31:46
They can smell that. Yeah, then they get really
31:49
uncomfortable trying to think if I have any like, epic bombs.
31:57
I've definitely walked some people when I first started.
32:01
It's funny when you're an early pro comic because they'll
32:05
they'll send you somewhere and you know, you've played like the
32:08
clubs in the city and you think I'm pretty hot shit.
32:11
You know, you're in front of like warm crowds that show up to
32:16
a comedy club. They're comedy fans.
32:18
They know what they're getting into.
32:20
You know, these environments are kind of easy mode.
32:24
So you start there and you think like, OK, I'm fucking pretty
32:27
good at this. And then you get to the point
32:30
where you start to work the road and they send you places, which
32:34
is better money, gigs. But now you're in like some
32:37
small town. These people have seen comedy
32:39
only on TVA couple times. Comedy comes to their town once
32:43
a year. And you know, I remember when
32:46
I'm doing like a golf resort and I'm like, I didn't know how to
32:51
dress good for gigs yet either or anything.
32:54
It's just like golf resort. I had like an open flannel shirt
32:58
and a doom T-shirt on and they're all like 60 year old
33:03
white people in like suits or like nice clothes and shit.
33:06
So right away I'm, I like look like I don't belong there.
33:09
And we're supposed to be kind of clean, but they don't specify,
33:16
like, what exactly clean means. You know, I talked to the guy
33:21
before I saw like, what does clean mean to you?
33:23
Like, what are you trying to? And he was like, I don't know,
33:25
don't worry about it. So dangerous.
33:27
Yeah. Yeah, right.
33:28
I but. Telling a comic that.
33:31
Yeah, yeah. He was like, I don't know, it's
33:32
probably fine. And I was like, OK, so I just
33:35
went up and did my normal shit. It's time.
33:38
Was really not clean. I've I watched tables people
33:41
left, which is a it's a hard feeling when you're when you're
33:45
when you're up there and it's not going well and already
33:48
you're a little bit panicking. Then you see a couple people get
33:51
up and leave. That moment is like, oh God,
33:55
like what if they all get up and leave, you know, and you're
33:58
trying to just find a good note to leave on and save face or
34:01
something. But you know, your mind is just
34:02
spiraling because you're like, people are getting up and, you
34:05
know, you're like, am I in trouble?
34:07
You know, and a little bit I will.
34:09
I didn't get in a in a ton of trouble, but I got chewed out a
34:13
little bit. It was funny.
34:15
The organizer sent the guy that was headlining the show to like,
34:19
chew me out. He was, you got to go talk to
34:21
that guy. But so this guy is another
34:24
comedian and like my friend, right?
34:28
So I get off stage, pulls me aside, and he's like, listen,
34:35
here's what's happening. You messed up a little bit.
34:38
It's not that bad. But that guy over there, he
34:41
wants to see me yell at you. So this is me yelling at you.
34:47
But it's not a big deal. I ordered you a burger while you
34:52
were on stage. It should be here in a few
34:54
minutes. So guy over.
35:01
Yeah. The guy in the distance like
35:02
thinks I'm being disciplined or whatever when in reality the guy
35:06
was being pretty soft on me and. Then I had a burger.
35:09
Yeah, So that, that was kind of, that was one of my first tough
35:12
bombs. Also that guy who told me not to
35:15
worry about being clean when people were leaving.
35:19
I saw him like talking to the crowd, being like they were told
35:24
well in advance not to be saying anything like that.
35:26
And I was like, you motherfucker, he was throwing
35:27
me. I was like, you kind of gave me
35:28
permission, like, this is on you, too.
35:30
But he totally. Yeah, passed the buck and threw
35:34
you right. Under the bus.
35:36
Yeah, threw me way under the bus.
35:38
Oh my God, So you're, you like to cook too?
35:43
I do, yeah, 'cause I, I was watching a few of your videos.
35:45
They're, they're a hilarious man.
35:46
Honestly. It's the idea of, you know,
35:50
asking AI to combine 2 meals together is it's a great idea.
35:54
Where'd you come up with that and can you explain it a bit?
35:58
Yeah, yeah. So I've, I've been doing this
35:59
thing called Man versus AI cooking show.
36:03
And it's just that I have AI randomly generate or what,
36:07
randomly give me two existing meals and then I have to figure
36:11
out a way to marry those two things into one sort of cohesive
36:14
dish. I think I had just been doing
36:17
like general cooking videos for a while where I would make
36:19
something and it was starting to feel like maybe a little stale.
36:23
And I wanted something that would maybe keep people a little
36:26
a little bit more engaged and especially until the end of the
36:29
video. And I figured that doing it like
36:32
this, you know, I get the two, I get the two dishes.
36:35
I got to make them into one thing.
36:36
Now the audience themselves is thinking, oh, shit, how would I
36:40
do that? How is he going to do that?
36:42
What, where, where is this going to end up in the end?
36:46
So I think it's a good idea to like keep people watching
36:49
through the whole video and hopefully maybe like, you know,
36:53
just get some conversation going with people in the comments.
36:55
I. Love the comments section and
36:56
those videos. I.
36:57
Love to hear I love to hear like what someone else would have
37:01
done. You know, a lot of the last one
37:03
I posted, a couple people were like, here's how I would have
37:05
done it. And I'm like, oh, that's cool.
37:06
I like because I love food stuff too.
37:08
So when someone is like, well, you could have done this, I'm
37:10
like, oh, OK, that's cool. Actually, I didn't think of that
37:13
because realistically I like to cook, but I'm not like trained
37:16
or anything, you know, I, I think I'm, I've got a couple
37:18
moves. One of those people it's like
37:20
it's a little bit smoke and mirrors.
37:22
I can really cook a few things pretty well, but once you get
37:26
past that, I'm like, I don't really know what the.
37:28
Fuck I'm doing, If you were on like a cooking show you'd be
37:30
fucked. Yeah, if they were like, OK
37:31
today, today you're cooking Indian, I'd be like, OK, I'm
37:34
done. I'm smoked.
37:36
Back to comedy. Yeah, what?
37:37
Was the the last video you made? It was some sort of pad Thai.
37:42
And yeah, so my, my, my brain process for this one was so AI
37:46
gave me sheet pan lemon chicken with veggies and no bake
37:50
chocolate peanut butter bar. So you know, you I feel like a
37:56
lot of times to get, if you have to combine 2 food things that
37:59
seem completely unrelated, you have to find some kind of in
38:02
between. So first I was like, OK, let's
38:05
just marry the chicken and the peanut because that's easy.
38:08
Chicken and peanut goes together Thai food.
38:11
They've been doing it for years. Yeah, exactly.
38:13
So I was like, OK, Thai food. It said she pan chicken and
38:16
veggies. It didn't specify which veggies.
38:19
So I was like, OK, Pad Thai has vegetables in it.
38:21
It has chicken in it. I'll make the lemon chicken,
38:23
then I'll make the lemon chicken into a pad Thai with like red
38:27
pepper, veggies covered. I've achieved that part of the
38:32
ask. There's still the chocolate to
38:35
deal with. I got to get chocolate in here
38:39
and and I wanted it said no baked chocolate peanut butter
38:42
bars. So I thought it should be served
38:44
as a in bar form to to meet the challenge.
38:49
So I took the pad Thai and smushed it into like an 8 by 8
38:54
baking thing. Just put it in the freezer.
38:57
And then I was like, OK, chocolate molay like a Mexican
39:01
chocolate sauce is a thing. I think they put I think they
39:04
put it on meat. I've never even had it so I just
39:08
looked up what goes into a mole, which I know is a sauce that
39:12
normally takes like 24 hours or something if you want to make it
39:14
correctly. But I just melted some chocolate
39:17
sauce or some some like Baker's chocolate in a double boiler.
39:21
Threw in like the Mexican spices, waited for that pad Thai
39:24
to freeze, cut it into bars, dunked it in the chocolate, put
39:29
that in the fridge, wait for the chocolate to set.
39:32
It was edible. We got it to edible and I you
39:35
know, when you hear lemon chicken, chocolate peanut butter
39:38
bar, if you can get that ask to edible.
39:41
I think small victory. I was reading the comments and
39:45
some when I love fucking comments on on videos.
39:48
Man, some people are so clever, but this one lady is like, I'm
39:51
Mexican and I would never eat this in my life or I would
39:54
never. Oh.
39:55
Yeah, it's just like, yeah, although that that Lady, she,
39:58
she was like, I'm Mexican and she said I hate mole.
40:01
And then she said I'll never eat this.
40:03
And I was like, well, if you hate mole, you know, I, I feel
40:07
like it's crazy to be like, this looks like it sucks.
40:09
I hate the ingredients used in it.
40:11
Like, well, then of course you think it looks bad if you don't
40:13
like the things that are in it. Oh, man, that's not on me.
40:17
Fuck. That's good stuff.
40:19
But yeah, that, that engagement code, it's a fucking piece of
40:23
shit to crack on on Instagram. I don't, you know, keeping
40:26
people to watching the whole videos.
40:28
I mean, I watched that whole video 'cause I was like, I gotta
40:30
see the end of this, right? That's what I'm hoping for with
40:32
these ones. It's figuring out algorithms is
40:34
such a difficult thing and like, maybe not the best for addicts
40:39
too, because we're, you know, we get addicted to stuff and social
40:41
media is really addictive. And sometimes in trying to, you
40:46
know, grow my audience on social media, I also just end up on it
40:49
for like, way too long and I have trouble putting it down.
40:52
But yeah, algorithm stuff is so tricky.
40:54
I my mine's been tanking. And I think I figured out why.
40:57
A few months ago, Instagram asked me, they had this new
41:00
feature. They were like, do you want us
41:01
to translate your videos to Spanish?
41:04
And I was like, OK, why not? Yeah, I would, you know, just
41:08
more people to potentially see my content.
41:11
Sure, go ahead. Do that, translate my videos to
41:12
Spanish, show it to Spanish people, see if they like it, you
41:15
know, And then my traction started going down and I've
41:18
realized that the algorithm, because I'm translating to
41:22
Spanish, thinks that I want a Spanish audience.
41:26
It's like pushing my shit way more towards Spanish than like
41:29
my audience that I've already built it's.
41:31
Like getting, they're getting. All these Spanish people are
41:34
like, who the fuck's this guy obviously doesn't speak any
41:38
Spanish with his AI translated video.
41:42
Like they're not biting on it. And now the people that I
41:44
actually made the video for aren't seeing it.
41:46
So I just, yeah, I just turned that off and I'm hoping now my
41:50
numbers will go back up. But I'm like, damn, that's a
41:53
feature you guys pitched to me and it just ruined my shit, you
41:56
know? So precarious.
41:59
I hate it, but yeah, to your point, like fuck, some days I'm
42:04
like yeah, chasing those likes and those follows so much on
42:07
the. Podcast.
42:07
And that's a little dopamine. Yeah, Yeah, you got to be
42:10
careful with it. One of the things that I enjoyed
42:13
most about rehab, honestly, and I need to try to incorporate
42:16
this in my life a little bit more, is that it improved my
42:22
relationship with my phone because we weren't allowed to
42:24
have our phone that was. Nice in.
42:25
Rehab, we got them for one hour a day or actually 50 minutes 50
42:32
and that was great. That was a great phone
42:34
relationship because when you only have it for about an hour a
42:38
day, you use it to do stuff like you, there's shit you got to get
42:43
done. I would pick up my phone every
42:45
day and I'd have things to do. I just things as simple as like
42:48
responding to texts from friends that I was keeping in touch with
42:51
to help keep me sane and stuff. But I'd pick up my phone and
42:54
there'd be a bunch of notifications and I would plow
42:57
through that shit and then put it down in a way and done, you
43:03
know, Whereas now that I have my phone with me all the time
43:06
again, I'm constantly checking it.
43:08
And I feel like a lot of people are like that.
43:10
I'm a constant phone checker and it gets really compulsive and
43:14
kind of addictive and the subtext sort of every time you
43:19
look at it and there's nothing to look at, it's like a little
43:22
loss, you know, you're looking at it to see, did anybody
43:25
message me? Did I get an e-mail?
43:26
Am I, am I hearing back about this?
43:28
Did I get any new likes? And every time, the more you
43:30
check it, the less likely it is that there's anything for you to
43:33
see. And every time you look at it,
43:35
it's just like, oh, no, no one's trying to get in touch with you.
43:38
Oh, no, no one likes your thing. Oh, no, no one.
43:40
You know, I feel like it's like really like bad mental health
43:45
stuff. So I, I got to get back to, for
43:49
a little bit when I got out of rehab, I would mostly leave my
43:52
phone in the charger in the room.
43:54
But like, if I wanted to go over and look at it, I'd have to
43:56
physically walk over. There it was a whole thing.
43:58
Yeah, and I was using it less. And then you know how addiction
44:02
is slowly over time, you know, ramps up and ramps up.
44:05
But now I'm on my phone. I'm on my phone way too much
44:08
again. But I'd like to get a handle on
44:11
that. Yeah, you, you bring up a really
44:12
good point. And I I hadn't thought about it
44:15
like that as you were talking. I'm thinking like, and this
44:17
probably already exists, but it's like I I need like a lock
44:19
box for my phone that's like on a timer.
44:21
Yeah. But even just thinking about
44:23
doing that, Yeah, my my addict brain is like, don't fucking do
44:25
that, idiot. Like, yeah.
44:27
Yeah, they want that. Idea exactly right.
44:29
Yeah, yeah. And I, I kind of have to see my,
44:31
myself in these two figures, right?
44:33
My, my addict is currently in the parking lot doing push ups
44:36
right now waiting for me to fuck up, right?
44:38
Yeah, yeah. You hear that?
44:39
And it's it's true. Learning to separate the
44:42
addict's brain and the and you is a really tricky thing
44:47
because, yeah, you know, you'll think that you've got it all
44:51
figured out and then. But your attic brain is learning
44:54
too, right? So it'll be like, OK, I tried
44:56
this and it didn't work. OK, what else can I try?
44:59
And then it might wait a few months, bust out some new move.
45:03
You know, it's wild the way it can mess with you and like how
45:09
convincing it can be. When I first got out of rehab, I
45:13
moved in with some guy. This forbid my buddy who is also
45:17
in recovery now but at the time that we moved in together he was
45:21
supposed to be sober and he ended up relapsing a lot and it
45:26
was a for me a really chaotic and difficult living situation.
45:30
And this is how like evil your addict brain is.
45:35
Because he was relapsing my attic brain was like this is a
45:40
free to free relapse for you. You can relapse and everyone
45:45
will blame him, you know, and it won't even be your fault, right?
45:49
Because you went into this living situation that was
45:51
supposed to be a sober environment for you, and it's
45:53
not. And you're trapped there.
45:55
And people will understand if that breaks you.
45:59
And the blame really won't even be on you.
46:01
And then you can get sober again and everyone will treat you like
46:06
a hero again, like they did when you first got sober.
46:09
And that'll be really nice. And I'm like, you're an evil
46:13
bitch, you know? But it's like it can be really
46:17
convincing. Yeah, kind of baffling.
46:19
Powerful. God, that is so relating, man.
46:21
Relatable. Yeah.
46:22
I've never had that exact experience, but I totally
46:25
understand that sometimes so many different ways.
46:27
Sometimes the attic brain is like, listen, just relapse.
46:30
You'll get sober again. You know, you beat me already.
46:33
It's sort of, it's just like, yeah, you already beat me.
46:35
Just fucking have a have a month, have a party month, get
46:39
sober again. You know, you already know you
46:41
can do it, but it's like, yeah, but I might die in that fucking
46:44
month, man, you know? Or I might not come back.
46:47
Yeah, I might think I can beat you again, but I can't or
46:49
whatever. The most consistent message I
46:51
got when I was in rehab, that has been helpful over the course
46:55
of the 33 days, a lot of different speakers, a lot of
46:57
different meetings. You know, you hear a lot of guys
46:59
talk. Most consistent thing that
47:02
people said was every time they relapsed that it was worse that
47:06
they were worse. Every time that the things that
47:08
they did were worse, that they felt worse that they did like
47:12
went crazier with their use. Every single person said that.
47:18
That was my experience too. Yeah, yeah.
47:20
And but your attic brain, I think wants you to, you know, it
47:25
wants to tell you. Yeah, just relapse Now.
47:28
You're educated about addiction. You know about it.
47:30
You know, you're stronger. You'll be you'll be able to have
47:32
a better handle on it this time. You'll you'll have a better eye
47:36
for when things are getting out of hand and you'll keep it under
47:38
control. You know, it's and you're like,
47:41
yeah, why? That makes sense.
47:43
I know more about addiction now. I know the signs.
47:45
Maybe maybe it will be OK. But you know, the logic is
47:49
there. But every single person that
47:51
I've heard talk is like, Nope, it's it's so much worse.
47:54
I never thought I was going to smoke meth and then I did, so
47:57
yeah. Fuck I probably would have.
47:59
I never did but like I if someone handed it to me at the
48:03
right. Time.
48:04
Yeah, like, you know, when I was like super boozed up and coked
48:07
up if anybody who offered me anything, I'd be like, yeah,
48:10
okay. Why not?
48:11
You mean it'll get me in a different place than where I am
48:13
at now? Yeah, sure.
48:14
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
48:15
Especially I think if like my high from the coke was maybe
48:17
started or off or something and they like here's something to
48:19
bring it to another level. I'd be like, oh, thank you.
48:21
Yeah. Sold.
48:22
Yeah. Easy sell.
48:23
Yeah, take my money. Yeah, man, it's, it's a, that's
48:28
a really good way to put it. I, you know, I appreciate that.
48:30
Can you talk about this? You have a really cool event
48:33
coming up in August I believe. Yeah, so I'm about 2 1/2 years
48:38
sober right now. You know, I've, I've got, I'm at
48:41
a point where I feel like I've got myself pretty under control
48:44
and I'd like to give back a little bit now that I'm not so
48:48
worried about me all the time. Do some stuff for some other
48:52
people too. So I want to raise some money
48:56
for the rehab center that I went to and also for this cool
48:59
charity in the states called the End Overdose.
49:03
So this August the 24th, I am going to put my running skills
49:09
to the tests I'm going to. I'm going to run on a treadmill
49:14
for 12 hours. The goal in those 12 hours is to
49:20
make it 100 kilometers. We'll see.
49:24
So far the farthest I've run is 65.
49:27
I did that in six hours though, so I feel like.
49:29
What's the what's the pace on that, do you know?
49:31
I don't know, but I I I exactly, I think like 528.
49:35
OK, that's really good. Something like that for that,
49:37
for that length of time, that's. Really good.
49:39
Yeah, 5 minutes, 28 seconds. That's really good.
49:41
Yeah, but I I think it's something like that.
49:43
I can't remember, but I'm just looking at it like, OK, I made
49:46
it 65 and six, that gives me another six to make it 35.
49:49
Maybe doable, but we'll see. I don't know.
49:53
I don't know if my body can handle it.
49:55
I'm excited to find, but the idea is, so I'm going to.
49:57
I'm going to be on the treadmill for 12 hours.
49:59
However far I make it is how far I make it.
50:02
Ideally 100 kilometers. We're going to live stream that.
50:05
I'm going to have comedians coming in throughout the day and
50:07
they're going to sit on a couch next to the treadmill and shoot
50:10
the shit while I'm just there running slowly.
50:14
Like an activity being broken. Down.
50:16
Yeah, kind of. It's funny too, because I won't
50:18
be able to. I need to focus on my breath so
50:20
much that I won't be able to talk to them.
50:22
Like they just have to talk. And I'm just going to be there
50:25
like furniture, essentially moving furniture for the 12
50:28
hours. And then I'm doing this on stage
50:33
at a comedy club. So when there's only 30 minutes
50:35
left in the run, we're going to fill up the room with audience
50:40
and then I'm going to record a comedy special right after being
50:42
on the treadmill for 12 hours. No shower.
50:44
No. No shower.
50:45
I want to look like shit. I think it's so funny.
50:48
I don't know why I like it so much.
50:50
I, I think, you know, usually when people record this special,
50:52
they're like prim and like, you know, they just got their hair
50:55
cut and they're wearing, you know, brand new clothes.
50:57
They look like 1,000,000 bucks. I think it's funny to record it.
51:00
Just distraught and it all messed up.
51:03
I'm going to be walking funny. I don't know.
51:06
I think it's gonna look interesting.
51:08
And I think I like after you've run that for like a really long
51:12
time, you feel like really vulnerable.
51:14
And I'm curious about how that'll impact the performance.
51:16
Yeah. Totally.
51:17
And I'm also curious about, like the extent that an audience can
51:21
revive A performer 'cause I find like an audience's energy really
51:27
can, like, bring you to life. You know, sometimes I'll do a
51:30
show, maybe I'm sick, I'm a little under the weather, I'm
51:32
coughing, I get on stage, none of that shit.
51:35
The adrenaline just kind of takes over.
51:37
The energy from the people almost is like healing.
51:40
So I'm like, OK, let's see if we can find the edge of that.
51:42
Let's see if a crowd can be so hot that after I have run for 12
51:47
hours that they can bring me back to life, You know?
51:53
Yeah, I'm super pumped about that.
51:54
The whole day is sort of a metaphor for addiction, right?
51:59
The treadmills addiction. You know, you're stuck.
52:02
You're stuck in the same place. You're not moving forward.
52:05
You're doing the same thing over and over again.
52:08
But it's just getting more and more difficult the longer you do
52:10
it. And maybe for a little bit you
52:12
think you're having fun, but it is slowly breaking you down and
52:16
breaking you down. And at a certain point, you have
52:20
to admit I can't beat this thing.
52:24
I just have to stop. I just have to get off of this
52:27
fucking thing and go do something else.
52:31
And that's what the day is. And to your point too, it's like
52:33
you're bringing in the audience kind of like as community to
52:36
help. Community through it.
52:37
Yeah, exactly that. Exactly that.
52:39
And even during the day when I'm running on the treadmill and my
52:42
friends are sitting there on the couch, but I can't really talk
52:45
to them. I can't engage with them the way
52:48
that I would like to engage with them because I'm too wrapped up
52:50
in this thing that I'm doing. That's addiction too, right?
52:54
Because a lot of times when I was around people in social
52:57
settings, I was almost still alone because I was so focused.
53:00
Like I was there to get fucked up and the socializing was
53:02
secondary, right? I was like, when is my dealer
53:05
going to while someone's talking to me?
53:06
I'm like, when's my dealer going to get here?
53:08
And stuff like that, you know, so the fact that my friends will
53:11
be there, but I can't really converse with them is all.
53:17
It's all part of the metaphor. And yeah, I think that if I can
53:22
go through all of that, I'm basically, I was, I was in
53:25
addiction for like 12 years. This is 12 hours.
53:28
I'm basically condensing the whole thing into one day.
53:31
And I think if I can, if I can walk off that treadmill with a
53:34
smile on my face and go do a show, I don't know, I think it's
53:38
really cool. I think it says something that's
53:40
awesome. Like, I think to me, the because
53:44
it's obviously I tell people I'm doing this and like, that sounds
53:46
really horrible. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, it
53:48
does. But I think for me, the day it's
53:51
not about pain. It's about what you can do once
53:56
you've put the pain behind you, what you're still capable of
54:00
even after all of that. And I want to, I want to show
54:04
people that. I want to show people that after
54:07
you've been through something horrible, that you're still
54:10
capable of incredible things. It's beautiful.
54:14
Yeah. I love it.
54:15
How do we sign up? How do we find it?
54:16
Where do we find? You so yeah, it's going to be a
54:18
comedy bar Danforth location August 24th tickets are on sale
54:23
actually already if you go to their website and you go to
54:26
August 24th, it should say like Andrew Barr comedy special
54:29
taping tickets are live and the after I cover the venue fee and
54:37
everything. All of the money's going to the
54:39
to the charities. I'm not taking any money.
54:41
So if you want to come you're supporting a good cause and it's
54:47
a legitimate world's first event.
54:50
No one's ever done this before. That's what really excites me
54:54
about it, is no one in the history of the world has done
54:58
it. Yeah, mostly 'cause it's a
55:01
horrible idea. But but still, I'm gonna be the
55:05
first guy, and I think that's exciting 'cause I know none of
55:08
us know what it's gonna look like.
55:10
People told the Wright brothers that flying was a horrible idea.
55:13
Yeah. Maybe this would be a new thing,
55:17
maybe every year some comic would be like, fuck it, I'm
55:19
gonna run 100 kilometers in the Corp.
55:22
But yeah, man, I'm really pumped up about it.
55:24
That's amazing. And then how do we find you on
55:26
Instagram? At Andrew Barr, Comedy perfect,
55:29
yeah. Dude, I appreciate you man.
55:31
I had a lot of fun today. Thanks SO.
55:32
Much no problem man. Thanks for having me, really
55:33
appreciate. It that's great, thanks for
55:36
listening. Please help us grow the channel
55:38
and like, share and subscribe for more content.
55:41
The discussions and stories shared on this podcast are for
55:44
informational and motivational purposes only.
55:46
This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice,
55:50
addiction treatment or therapy. If you or someone you know is
55:53
struggling with addiction, please consult A licensed
55:56
physician. Addiction.
55:57
Specialist or mental health professional, you are no longer
56:01
alone.