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The Worst Advice We've Ever Received · Two Broke Chicks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on Gadigal land. Always was, always
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal land. Hey chicks, I'm Al.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: And I'm Sal.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: And this is Two Broke Chicks, the show that shares
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: life lessons and tips to.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Help make you rich in life.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: And welcome to an episode of the worst advice you've
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: ever heard. Because we're sharing the worst advice we've ever received.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: And we've also opened the floor up to you chicks
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: to send us the worst advice you've ever received. So
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  Speaker 1: I'm very excited to jump into this. I don't know
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  Speaker 1: what Sal's answers are. She doesn't know what mine are.
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  Speaker 2: So surprise. Could be good. Could be good.
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  Speaker 1: But before we get into that, what is your obsession
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: of Zavik?
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Of Zavik. My obsession of the week is a post
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  Speaker 2: that I saw from the account Open. I'll put a
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: link to it in the show notes. But it was
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  Speaker 2: this infographic that they shared with the title The Math
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Behind Success.
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  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: So they shared a list of some really successful people
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  Speaker 2: and essentially their success rates in life.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
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  Speaker 2: So Michael Jordan had– 24,537 attempts and 12,192 baskets. That's
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  Speaker 2: a 49.7% success rate. Pablo Picasso had roughly 150,000 pieces
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  Speaker 2: and pieces of art and 41,500 auction sales. That's around 27%
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  Speaker 2: success rate. Serena Williams, 81 tournaments. 23 Grand Slam titles,
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  Speaker 2: a 28% success rate. Frank Sinatra had over 1,300 songs. Whoa.
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  Speaker 2: And roughly 200 hits. I would say that's a lot
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  Speaker 2: of hits. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Same.
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  Speaker 1: More hits than I have. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: But a 17% success rate. Dolly Parton, Our Sweet Angel,
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  Speaker 2: 3,000 songs written and 110 hits. That's a 3% success rate.
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  Speaker 2: And finally, James Dyson. of course, Dyson Vacuums, had 5,127
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  Speaker 2: prototypes before the first bagless vacuum. That's a 0.02% success rate.
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  Speaker 2: So I think that just gives us perspective. These are
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  Speaker 2: arguably some of the most famous and successful people on
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  Speaker 2: earth and the person with the highest success rate on
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  Speaker 2: this particular list was Michael Jordan with a 49.7% success rate.
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  Speaker 2: That means that half the time it wasn't a success.
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  Speaker 2: Half the time he failed. So instead of focusing so
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  Speaker 2: much on like the number of successes or failures being
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  Speaker 2: I guess like the sum of who you are as
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  Speaker 2: a person, Like stop putting so much pressure on yourself.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, good reminder. It comes back to that like thing
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  Speaker 1: we learnt when we went and saw Alan Menken and
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  Speaker 1: he was like you try just as much for the
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  Speaker 1: things that do well as much as the things that like,
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  Speaker 1: you know, fail in quotes, that it's like giving it
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  Speaker 1: a crack. No one cares that much. Like anyone that's
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  Speaker 1: like watching to see if you're like getting a 99%
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  Speaker 1: success rate is like a bit weird.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, people want to celebrate you and at the end
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: of the day, like you should be giving yourself that
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  Speaker 2: grace too.
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  Speaker 3: Exactly.
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  Speaker 2: Give it a good crack.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, my obsession of the week is a new purchase
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  Speaker 1: I've made and I'm pretty sure I've found like a
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: pretty good dupe for the Clinique Black Honey lipstick. So
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: this is also the lipstick that's worn by Ali in
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  Speaker 1: the off-campus class TV show and everyone was like obsessed
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  Speaker 1: with her makeup and her hair and like yours truly.
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  Speaker 1: I'm included in that. It is the Nude by Nature
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Lacquer Lip Serum in Juicy Grape. This is like a
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  Speaker 1: lip balm but also has like a little pigment to
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: it and it like hydrates your lips. It's like a
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: skincare infused serum lipstick. Magic. And it looks really, really, really, really,
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  Speaker 1: really similar to the Clinique Black Honey.
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  Speaker 2: And what's the price difference?
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  Speaker 1: So this is $ 25, but you can get it from
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  Speaker 1: like Chemist's Warehouse and Priceline, which it's always discounted.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So super affordable and it just feels really nice on
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  Speaker 1: the lips. I will say if you have like dry
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  Speaker 1: skin on your lips– It might, like, attach to the
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  Speaker 1: dry skin a little bit more. So I would always, like,
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  Speaker 1: exfoliate your lips a little bit.
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  Speaker 2: I feel like that's the same with every lip product.
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  Speaker 1: I agree. Like, I feel like it's just maybe a
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  Speaker 1: little bit of good practice. But, yeah, it is so
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  Speaker 1: nice and I love it.
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  Speaker 2: I need to give it a go because I'm a
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  Speaker 2: big fan of the black honey.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm keen.
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  Speaker 1: And it's kind of hard to, like, get your hands on. So, like,
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  Speaker 1: at price I'm right now, it's $ 12. Damn.
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  Speaker 3: So.
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  Speaker 2: $ 12 Black.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Honey Clinique Jupe. Subscribed. Thank you.
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  Speaker 3: Love it.
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  Speaker 1: Not sponsored at all. Genuinely just love.
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  Speaker 2: Okay.
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  Speaker 1: Now, give me some bad advice.
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  Speaker 3: Okay.
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  Speaker 2: I love this because the worst advice that you've ever
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  Speaker 2: received can also actually be the best advice sometimes.
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  Speaker 1: I agree. And I feel like that's in like half
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: of mine as well.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Which is part of the fun, isn't it? Okay,
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  Speaker 2: the worst advice I've ever received is all you need
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: is love.
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  Speaker 1: Ooh.
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  Speaker 2: Hot take. You know, like I feel like I hear
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  Speaker 2: this all the time that love is enough. Love is
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  Speaker 2: the most important thing. Like as long as you've got love,
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  Speaker 2: you can get through it. I don't agree.
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  Speaker 1: Ooh.
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  Speaker 2: I don't think that love is enough. I think that
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  Speaker 2: whether this is in like a romantic relationship, in a friendship,
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  Speaker 2: with your family, Love is absolutely probably the most important
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  Speaker 2: part and should be the foundation of your relationship but
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  Speaker 2: it's not enough. I think that it's the bare minimum
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: of like a fruitful relationship and I do think that
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  Speaker 2: it's often how we justify shitty behaviour and staying in
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: a relationship that we know isn't. good for us I
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: do also want to say that I completely acknowledge that
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: if you're in like a relationship that's toxic whether that
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: is any of those categories platonic family or romantic that
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  Speaker 2: this is really really hard so I'm not saying that
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: like oh like just knowing that love isn't enough like
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  Speaker 2: woo cool magic I'm cured I can leave this relationship
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  Speaker 2: I'm not saying that it's that easy but I do
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  Speaker 2: think it can help take some of like the rose
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  Speaker 2: colored glasses off I've had this conversation with so many
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  Speaker 2: people in my life. I feel like I've had this
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  Speaker 2: realisation myself with people that I've had, you know, like
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  Speaker 2: relationships with in different ways and being like, but I
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  Speaker 2: love them so much. I care about them so much
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  Speaker 2: and I know they love me and kind of use
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  Speaker 2: that as an excuse. So a bit of a hot take,
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  Speaker 2: I will say. But so if love isn't enough, what
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  Speaker 2: do we actually need for a relationship? to be fruitful
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  Speaker 2: because I do still think that it is important and
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: you need it.
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  Speaker 1: I also think people have different perceptions of what love is.
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  Speaker 1: Like love is not like some, once you reach this
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  Speaker 1: chemical number of oxytocin in your brain, that's love. Like
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  Speaker 1: love is so subjective because what some person, what one
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  Speaker 1: person thinks is love can be a completely different other
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  Speaker 1: thing to what someone thinks is love too.
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  Speaker 2: So like.
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  Speaker 1: Someone can be treating you like absolute shit and be like,
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  Speaker 1: but I love you.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Or someone can genuinely love you but their type of
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  Speaker 1: love is maybe not the type of love that you
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  Speaker 1: need to receive either.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely. And we do actually have an episode with like
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  Speaker 2: an expert on this coming up. So if love isn't enough,
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  Speaker 2: what do we actually need in a relationship for it
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  Speaker 2: to be fruitful? I would say safety, like that feeling
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  Speaker 2: of security and with someone. According to Harvard Medical School,
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  Speaker 2: safety is essential to feeling loved. I don't know if
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  Speaker 2: I needed a research paper to tell me that, but
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  Speaker 2: I think it's good to know. But because when your
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  Speaker 2: environment is emotionally regulated, oxytocin, which is our bonding neurochemical,
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  Speaker 2: like that's how we actually forge connections with people, increases
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  Speaker 2: and our responses become more predictable, which facilitates connection and
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  Speaker 2: that feeling. of safety. Um, whereas if you're in a
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  Speaker 2: relationship with somebody and it feels really tumultuous all the
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  Speaker 2: time and you don't really know how they're going to
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  Speaker 2: react or you're like, you know, today, am I going
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  Speaker 2: to get like a really happy version or are you
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  Speaker 2: going to like flip the script? Am I going to
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  Speaker 2: get a really cranky version? Like, and you feel like
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  Speaker 2: you're on edge. That's not a nice feeling of safety. Um,
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  Speaker 2: mutual respect is definitely something else that I think that
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  Speaker 2: we need, um, in a relationship, according to Gottman Institute,
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  Speaker 2: the four horsemen of a relationship ending is criticism, defensiveness, contempt,
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  Speaker 2: which is like eye rolling, being dismissive, ridiculing and stonewalling
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  Speaker 2: and the silent treatment.
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  Speaker 4: Like they're the four horsemen that your relationship needs to
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  Speaker 4: come to an end.
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  Speaker 2: But of these contempt is shown to be the biggest
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  Speaker 2: indicator of a divorce in a romantic relationship. Yeah.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: So I think that that's also something that you can
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  Speaker 2: check within yourself. Like if you find you're like constantly
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  Speaker 2: like rolling your eyes at your partner, like if things
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  Speaker 2: that they do like– make you feel disgust like on
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: a regular basis if you don't respect your partner like
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: or whoever you're in a relationship with like.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I wonder listen I wonder I'm sure you can like
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: I'm sure people can go to like counseling or maybe
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: they're in a hard period but I'm like I wonder
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: how hard it is to walk it back once, like,
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  Speaker 1: the four horsemen appear. By the way, love that analogy.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: I know, it's good, eh?
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  Speaker 1: You knew I would.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: It's giving, like, supernatural.
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Which, they're in there. Great TV show.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, like, I wonder if you, like, can you, once
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  Speaker 1: the four horsemen appear, can you walk it back?
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  Speaker 2: I know. I'm sure in some situations you would be
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: able to. But it would be so hard on both
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: ends because.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: If you have all of those things... And the thing.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Is as well is that's what I am saying. Like
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: I think you can have all of these things and
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  Speaker 2: you can still love someone. Yes.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: And someone also could be giving you, you could be
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: on the receiving end of those things and feel really
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: bad about yourself but still love that person.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: There are people that are no longer in my life
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: anymore that I can say like I have love for them.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I don't hate them. I don't like, and there are
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  Speaker 1: others that I don't have anything feelings like there are
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: people that are no longer in my life that sit
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: on that entire spectrum of like i hate them totally
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: um i have no dog in the race i don't
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: really i don't really care either way and then i
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: have love for them but it's just not yeah it's
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: near me yeah exactly you're like i'm starting from the
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: bottom of the list yeah let's share it now we'll
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: put that.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Behind a paywall yeah just shaking Also shared values is
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  Speaker 2: really important in like any sort of relationship in addition
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  Speaker 2: to love. Like I don't think you necessarily need to
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  Speaker 2: have every single thing in common, but your core values
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  Speaker 2: should be like the compass of your relationship. Like that's
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: how you're going to get through some of those more
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: difficult times. And then finally, a commitment to growth and curiosity.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Because in the early stages of any sort of relationship,
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: you're asking heaps of questions. You're like desperate to get
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: to know this person. You want to know more. You
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: want to learn more. You want to hear their perspective
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: on things. But as the relationship evolves, I think we
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: just assume that we know everything about the people in
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: our lives. Like, oh, yeah, I've been friends with you
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  Speaker 2: for 20 years. I know your perspective on this. I
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: bet I could answer it for you. But, like, give
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: that person the chance because the thing is, like, either
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: the questions that you would have asked at the beginning
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: of the relationship, people change and evolve. Their answers may
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: have changed.
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  Speaker 1: Even if you think you do know what their answer
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: would be. It's still nice to talk about it and
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: be like, yeah, oh, my God, no, I thought that
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: would be the case and I agree or I disagree or, like.
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  Speaker 2: You know. Yeah, exactly. Or, like, because we do change
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  Speaker 2: and evolve, then the questions that you could be asking
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: can change and evolve too. So and I think a
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  Speaker 2: part of that is obviously communication and keeping, like, communication
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  Speaker 2: open without that contempt is so important.
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  Speaker 1: Mm. But, yeah. Love that.
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  Speaker 2: What's the worst advice you've ever received? Okay.
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  Speaker 1: My first one, never give up is the worst advice
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  Speaker 1: I've ever received. Ooh.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: Okay.
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  Speaker 1: Here's the thing. I'm like, as we know, a shoot
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: your shot, like, yeah. Like I'm like, sometimes maybe good,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: sometimes maybe shit.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Right?
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  Speaker 3: Right.
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  Speaker 1: And I think persistence and quitting are both skills, but
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: persistence is the only one that we reward.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Right.
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  Speaker 1: And that is like seen as like automatically virtuous.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Right.
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  Speaker 1: Whereas like obviously never give up sounds like good advice
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  Speaker 1: because we tend to see like persistence as this like grit,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: go for it. Like you're so strong. It's like this virtue.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: And then like quitting is like a failure.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 1: But I think that only works when the thing you
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: are persisting with is still worth pursuing. So there's a
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  Speaker 1: lot of research around the idea of like goal disengagement,
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: which basically our ability to let go of goals that
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: are no longer realistic, useful or meaningful. And psychologists have
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: found that being able to disengage from an unattainable goal
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: and redirect your energy into something else can be a
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: really important part of well-being. And I think like... holding
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: on to something so closely and seeing, letting go of
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: it as a failure is where this becomes bad advice. Like,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: because there, you can apply this to so many things
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: and it kind of relates to like what you were
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: also saying that it comes into this thing called like
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: the sunk cost effect or like the sunk cost theory, right?
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: That when we've spent and invested either time or money,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: or energy into something, it makes us like want to
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: hold onto it really, really tightly. And, you know, that
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: could be, you know, how we talk about a lot
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: of the time, like those friendships you've had for like,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: I've known them since high school, but they're a bitch
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: to me now. Or like, I've known them for that
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: 10 years, but you're literally completely different people that don't
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: have anything in common anymore. Or like, you know, whether
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: it's a relationship, whether it's a job, And you're like,
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: I've worked here for five years. I've been trying to
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: go for this one promotion. It's not happening. Like because
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: we spend and invest time into something, we put a
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: high value on it and it makes us less likely
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: to want to let go of it. And so that's
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: where I think like never give up can become dangerous
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: advice because it encourages us to treat endurance as proof
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: that we're making the right decision. And sometimes like it's
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: just not meant for you. Like continuing, sometimes continuing is
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: brave and you do just need to keep at it
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: for like a little bit if it's really your passion,
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: if it still brings you joy. But like sometimes changing
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: direction is braver.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: Does that make sense? Oh, absolutely. I also think that
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: knowing when to call it quits is a really good
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: skill to have.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Yes. I think like asking yourself the question, if I
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: had never invested anything in this yet and I knew
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: everything I know now, would I still choose it? like
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: would I still choose this for myself if I was
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: starting from scratch right now and I hadn't invested any
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: single thing yeah.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: And a lot of things that are hard work people
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: would say yes I would go through the trials and
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: tribulations all over again I would put in the hours
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: of work you know blood sweat and tears and I
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: think that's when you know yeah yeah yeah but like
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: having never give up is like this just overarching thing
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: it's like there's been so many things that I feel
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: like Even in like work or like starting, being like, yeah,
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: give that a crack.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, do you know what? It didn't work out.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: That's okay. Yeah, exactly.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Because you can't just continue adding to your plate. If
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: you never give up on anything, that's a real busy plate.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so true. Because there's too much of a good thing.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, my final worst advice that I've ever received is
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: that hard work pays off. Oh, fuck.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: Very good.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: This is true to an extent, but not all hard
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: work is made equal. Hard work definitely can pay off,
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: but I think an important step to that is communication
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: and visibility. I remember like at one of my earlier jobs,
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: I would have like these weekly meetings with my manager, right,
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: and we'd catch up about like what I was doing
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: and it very often was like doing a great job,
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: love this, love this. And I was like, great, I'm
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: doing amazing. And then it came to my like– proper
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: review where I was going for a promotion and they
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: were like, you need to do X, Y, Z to
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: get this promotion. I'd gone into this being like, oh, sick,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: like I'm a shoo-in. I'm going to get all the conversations.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: You know, I've been getting nothing but good feedback. And
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: then they're like, oh, we want you to.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: Do X, Y, Z.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: And I was like, where was this in those reviews?
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: And I think for me... When you said that, sorry,
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: I just really enjoyed that. Where was this in those reviews?
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I just really enjoyed the cadence of that. I apologise.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: And I think, you know, at first I was like,
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: this is so unfair. You know, I was really like
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: butthurt about it, to be straight up.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: But like.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: You know, in hindsight and what I realised at the
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: time was, like, I also hadn't really been asking the questions, like,
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: is the work that I'm doing now going to lead
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: me to that? I kind of assumed and we all know.
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: What they say about assuming makes out of an answer
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: you and me.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Good advice. But so then from... I just got that. Oh, really? Wow.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: That's literally how you spell assumed.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: That's good, eh?
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: Okay. Very good, Alex. Yeah. But then from then I
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: was like, okay, I'm going to get like a paper
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: trail of what I need. So then in my next follow-up,
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: because I think I was a little bit shell-shocked after that. Yeah.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: So then in my next review I was like, okay,
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: we've had this conversation. I hear what you're saying. What
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: do I need to do to get this promotion? So
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: like I asked for a list. Of the things that
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: I needed to do, the responsibilities, any goals that were
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: like tied to that. So not just being like, cool, tick,
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: it's done. It's like, okay, but does.
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: There need to be an outcome, a specific outcome?
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: Also, when are we going to be doing check-ins on these?
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: So not being like, cool, I'll present this all to
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: you at my next review.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: Being like, okay, well, we'll talk about this in like
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: at the end of each quarter so that if something changes,
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: because that's also something that would happen, like business priorities
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: would change and I'd be like, oh, well, I did
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: this and it's like, oh, that's not the priority anymore.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: So like it doesn't count. Um, you know, just having
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: those regular check-ins, um, also asking like, okay, well, if
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: you want me to do this, I'm going to need
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: training and support. Like what sort of resources do I
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: have access to? And basically making sure that I had
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: like a list of, um, all of those things, because
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: I also was listening to a podcast. I'll put a
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: link in the show notes, but they were saying that
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: the single biggest factor that determines whether or not you'll
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: get promoted, um, is whether or not your contributions are known. Um, yeah.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Don't assume that people know what you're working on.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And, like, that, you know, like, yes, I'd been
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: putting in, you know, the extra hours. I'd been putting
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: my hand up for projects that weren't even necessarily in
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: my responsibilities and doing all these things that I was like,
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: these are, you know, signs that I'm doing, that I'm
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: working hard, but it turns out that the hard work
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: wasn't enough. Yeah. So, yeah.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: I feel like that's a good lesson.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: That's, like, a good.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: And there will probably be a point in time in
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: everyone's life where they're like, oh, okay. It doesn't mean
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: that the work wasn't valued or that like you didn't
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: do a good job, but yeah.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: My final one is, and I'm switching up a little
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: bit in my life. This is one of those things
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, grown up. If they wanted to, they
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: would is the worst advice I've ever received.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: Shit.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: I know. And you know what? I reckon I lived
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: by this. for a good period of time in my life.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: The whole first and second season of the show, I
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: think we would have been saying this.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I really am walking back my stance on this.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: So the phrase, if they wanted to, they would, like
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: the phrase assumes that wanting something automatically produces action.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Right?
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: So like people can genuinely intend or want to do
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: something And still fail to follow through. And this is
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: like a very, very, very asterisk take.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: Yes. Like this is.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: Not a one-size-fits-all, but that's why I think this is
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: the worst advice.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: Because if they wanted to, they would present an assumption
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: as a fact.
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: Because when I'm thinking of whether or not someone has
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: called me or texted me Or tried to hang out
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: with me or, you know, put in that effort. If
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: I'm automatically going if they wanted to, they would. I've
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: assumed now they don't want to. Yeah. But they might
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: have the worst week of their life. They might be
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: traveling to see their sick relative. Their kids might be
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: an absolute nightmare that week. I have no idea, right?
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: And it's the assumption that I know what their intentions are.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I know what they want. And I've decided they don't.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Care, right?
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: And I think like intentions alone explain only part of
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: our behavior, like planning, circumstances, competing priorities, habits, and our
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: ability to self-regulate all affect whether intention actually becomes action.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: So like I can really, really want to see my
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: friends on a weekend. I can really, really like that's
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: like the one thing I would love to do, but
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I can be so like, biblically exhausted that I'm like
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: I would love or I can be sad or I
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: could have anxiety. Like there can be so many things
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: going on that I would want to see my friends
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: but I genuinely just can't, you know. And in saying that,
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: in saying all of this, it does not mean that
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: you also have to accept the behaviour too. So like
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: understanding why someone is not showing up is different from
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: deciding that like what they're offering is enough for you.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Because like sometimes there have also been relationships where I'm
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: like what I want is not what you can give. Totally.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: And that's okay.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: But I don't think if they wanted to they would
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: applies to that situation because what people, what the would
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: is like in that sentence is different for every single person.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: Like my measure of if they wanted to they would
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: could be a completely different measure for another person. That
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: they could be like, no, I am wanting to and
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: I am woulding. Yeah. And I'm like, it doesn't feel
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: like it.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Right? So I'm like this entire sentence is us deciding
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: what someone's intention is and what is enough from them.
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: And so while I do think action is very important,
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: intention and action is very important, it's the pattern that
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: is most.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: So like, you know, if someone... does, you know, consistently
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: show up for me. If their intention and actions is
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: consistent and then maybe like they've dropped off, that's a
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: different scenario. But like where this becomes bad advice is
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: like when we used one missed action as a definitive
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: evidence of somebody's feelings. Yeah. So like they forgot, therefore
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: they don't care. You know, they didn't call, therefore they
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: didn't want to. Like I just don't think like life
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: is that clear. you know like you know I've had
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: friends that have missed birthdays that like have you know
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: because they've had stuff on and I've been like oh
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: okay but like then they come through and they go
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: I wanted to I had you know all this stuff
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: I meant to text you I remembered then I had
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: a meeting and I'm like that's fine yeah you know
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: like that's okay and because I know that there's been
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: seven other million times that they've shown up for me
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: and they've been there for me like you know Like
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Rob forgot our first anniversary the first, like, year we
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: were dating. He, like, came home and I was like,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: and then I told him and he was like, fuck. Yeah.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: And, like, but he's the best boyfriend in the world.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: All the other evidence shows you that he loves and
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: cares about you and your relationship.
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: Exactly.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: But if I was like, if they wanted to, they
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: would in that situation, it would have been a much
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: bigger thing than it needed to be. Don't get me wrong.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: It was a thing. Yeah, totally.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: We had a conversation.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: But I was going to say, you know, the difference
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: with that is that you communicated what you needed and
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: what you wanted because I think that's the thing that
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: a lot of people do as well. They're like, oh, well,
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: if they wanted to, they would. They didn't send me
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: a text. Like they didn't call me. So if they
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: wanted to, they would. And it's like, well, not everybody
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: is a texter or a caller. Not everybody has a
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: good memory. Not everybody– you know, is going to want
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: to hang out every single weekend.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: Like also part of the onus is on you to
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: communicate what you need and see if they'll meet you there. Exactly.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: And the thing is understanding that someone may have wanted
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: to show up differently does not mean you have to
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: accept how they actually showed up. So like that's where
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: I'm saying is like this doesn't mean that we should
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: endlessly excuse bad behaviour because I do think where this
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: advice originated from was a good place. Yeah. But it's
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: way too cutthroat. Like it's way too definitive of feeling
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: like we know and we're like, well, you didn't show
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: up for this one thing that like I wanted to.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: And that's, again, that's such a generalization. But I'm like
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: I would always, always measure like especially dating, like if
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: they wanted to, they would. I feel like I said
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: it all the time. Yeah. And now I'm just like
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: it's not that simple. Yeah. Okay, so now let's get
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: into some of our like chicks' submissions on the worst
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: advice they've ever received.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: And we've had a little scroll through. Love.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, first one is from Britt, which the worst advice
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: she's ever received is, your 20s are the best years
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: of your life. This made me feel like I had
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: an expiry date. I'm 31 now and genuinely having more
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: fun than I did at 23.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: Okay. I love that. Honestly, agreed. 1000%.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: The amount of also women in their 40s that say
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: how like their 40s is the best years of their life.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: Like I think it just.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: Keeps getting better.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, seriously. I also like read a study the other
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: day that apparently women in their, I think it's between
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: like their 60s and 80s. Well, maybe. I was going
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: to say between their– probably. Get it, girl. Yeah, that
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: women between their 60s and 80s, I think it was,
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: that's like their peak happiness because I think as well
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: it's like– Oh, really? Because you just don't care anymore. Yeah,
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: I think you care less but also you're like maybe
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: retired and like you're not having to do as many
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: of like the family obligations as you did before so
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: you can actually invest more in your own happiness.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think things are only going to get better, right? Yeah, exactly. Okay,
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: this one's from Talia. Money is easier to pay back
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: than it is to save.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Ooh. Yeah, I was going to say my brain glitched
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: for a second. I was like, I don't know if
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: I know it's worth it, boy.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, who told you that?
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think like that's such a good point. I
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: had like a friend who, you know, got a loan
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: for a car and I know that there's like Like
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: situations that, you know, depend, but it was purely a
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: point of like, they just wanted a brand new car.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: Like they, you know, could have gone for the second
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: hand if they wanted or they could have gone for
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: the brand new. And they ended up just like resenting
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: this car so much. because of like the loan that
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: was on it and it was like one of the
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: biggest regrets that they had because they were like once
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: they had the car like the sparkle.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: Kind of wore off a bit.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah exactly but yeah i love that this one's from
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: lucy and she said the worst advice she's ever received
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: is be the bigger person Funny how the bigger person
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: always seems to be the one who's expected to tolerate
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: everyone else's bad behaviour.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: Ooh.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: I'm like, who hurt you, Lucy?
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: I want to know the tea.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah. But I'm like, I do agree with that to
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: an extent. Like, yeah, you don't need to lower yourself
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: to other people's levels but, like, maybe you don't need
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: to forgive or adjust yourself as much as you do
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: all the time potentially.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. And also... Yeah, like if you're constantly the
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: one who's being the bigger person, especially in a specific relationship,
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: you know. You've got to be able to be petty
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: every once.
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: In a while.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah. My last favorite was from Georgie and it was
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: never go to bed angry is the worst advice she's
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: ever received.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: And at first I was like, oh. Yeah, I'm like, oh,
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: I love that advice.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: But it was then she continued. She goes, my partner
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: and I used to stay up until 2 a.m. trying
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: to resolve arguments. Turns out sometimes you just need eight
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: hours of sleep and a conversation tomorrow. So real though.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like you do just need to like eat
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: something or have a sleep. Yeah. And you wake up
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: the next day and you're like, okay, do you know what?
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not as invested as I was last night. I
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: did really just need to sleep.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: I think sometimes in those moments though I would appreciate the,
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: you know what? Love you. Love you.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Pin in it.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: Pin in it. We'll talk about it after we both
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: had a good sleep.
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: So that I'm not laying there being like, Yeah. Okay,
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: I've got to go to sleep now. Exactly. My final
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: one is sleep with someone to get over someone. That's
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: such a popular saying.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to like get under someone to get
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: over someone. I mean pop off but like.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: I think that it isn't a.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: That's not going to be the thing that fixes your heartbreak. No.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Might be fun.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: Could have a good time. Yeah. But like....
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: I think that one has an asterisk.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you smart cheeky chooks. Thank
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: you so much for sending in your submissions. And if
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: you also want to send in your submissions, you can
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: do it via the link in the show notes or
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: you can DM us. We're always open. Ears open.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Hear if you need or in the comments as well. Yeah.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: Want to hear your worst advice you've ever received. Tell
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: us in the comments. I think the... The thing that
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: we've learnt from all of these pieces of advice is
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: that there are kernels of wisdom within them all, but
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: there is also asterisks and nuance within every single piece
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: of advice that you ever receive.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Most advice is never universally good or universally bad. It's conditional,
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Well, that is a wrap for today's episode. Good pics
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: from us, good pics from the chicks. Loved reading through those.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: But feel free to also comment what's the worst advice
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: you've ever received and why we love hearing from you chickies.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: And thanks for having us in your ear holes.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: We love to be here.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: We love it. Bye, chicks. Bye.