Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / Guys Give Their Hot Takes On: Men’s Sex Drive, Long-Distance Dating, And Money!

Transcript

Guys Give Their Hot Takes On: Men’s Sex Drive, Long-Distance Dating, And Money! · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

0:17
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the second part of our I Do
0:21
Speaker 1: Part Two. I'm Brian Austin Green, and today's It's us.
0:26
Speaker 1: It's the guys. We're taking over this whole thing. I'm
0:28
Speaker 1: here with Bachelor Nation's Bob Guinea and our resident real-life
0:31
Speaker 1: single guy, Mr.
0:32
Speaker 2: Wright.
0:33
Speaker 1: So let's dive back into some of these emails, shall we? Michelle,
0:38
Speaker 1: my husband passed away five years ago, and I never
0:40
Speaker 1: thought I could open my heart to love again. But recently,
0:43
Speaker 1: I've been considering it. I tried to ask some friends
0:46
Speaker 1: in my office to set me up with single men
0:48
Speaker 1: that they knew, but no one has anyone in my
0:51
Speaker 1: age range, in my early 60s. I hear horrible things
0:54
Speaker 1: about dating online. Do you think I'd have a better
0:57
Speaker 1: chance at meeting someone in another country? Do long-distance relationships
1:02
Speaker 1: actually work out? No. No, Michelle.
1:05
Speaker 3: He's going to meet somebody in another country online who's
1:07
Speaker 3: going to tell her that he needs money to invest
1:11
Speaker 3: in something and fleece her.
1:13
Speaker 1: That's what's going to happen. Right. Yeah. So, okay, my advice,
1:19
Speaker 1: if your husband passed away five years ago, which I'm
1:23
Speaker 1: sorry to hear that. My condolences. Absolutely. I can't imagine
1:26
Speaker 1: how tough that is. And you finally decided to start dating,
1:31
Speaker 1: be patient. Right now, you're asking friends if they have anybody,
1:37
Speaker 1: and there's nobody that is in your age range.
1:40
Speaker 2: Fine.
1:41
Speaker 1: That is... To me, that is a sign from the universe,
1:45
Speaker 1: from whatever you believe in, of like, okay, stop running
1:48
Speaker 1: towards something that isn't ready for you right now. Just
1:53
Speaker 1: keep doing what you're doing. You went through this incredibly
1:58
Speaker 1: hard situation five years ago. Maybe there's a lot that
2:03
Speaker 1: she still needs to work on before she gets into
2:06
Speaker 1: a new relationship. Losing someone that is your partner in life,
2:11
Speaker 1: I can't imagine... how difficult that is. And I can't
2:14
Speaker 1: imagine how much there is that just constantly comes up
2:18
Speaker 1: that you need to unpack on a regular basis. And
2:21
Speaker 1: maybe she hasn't unpacked enough of it to truly move on.
2:25
Speaker 1: And so the universe is going, okay, we're going to
2:27
Speaker 1: just put this on the back burner. Like you're, you're
2:29
Speaker 1: doing fine. Just keep doing what you're doing or, you know,
2:33
Speaker 1: or she is completely ready for something again, be patient.
2:38
Speaker 1: Like why, if you're, you're obviously looking for something real,
2:43
Speaker 1: So be patient and trust that something real will come around.
2:48
Speaker 1: If you continue to just love yourself, be kind to
2:51
Speaker 1: the people that are around you, keep your head down
2:54
Speaker 1: and do what you're doing. I think that'll find you.
2:57
Speaker 1: I don't think you need to continue searching and be, and,
3:01
Speaker 1: and start looking internationally because locally there aren't options, you know?
3:07
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think for a certain age category, I think
3:10
Speaker 4: online dating just doesn't apply any longer. My recommendation or
3:15
Speaker 4: my advice, if anybody wanted it, would be to lean
3:18
Speaker 4: into the things that you're passionate about. Your hobbies, philanthropic, community,
3:23
Speaker 4: whatever those things are, lean into those things and find
3:26
Speaker 4: community first. Find a community of people. If you love animals,
3:31
Speaker 4: go volunteer, work with the Humane Society or something similar.
3:35
Speaker 4: If you're into golf or mahjong or whatever it is,
3:38
Speaker 4: lean into community and find those people that support your passions. Yeah,
3:43
Speaker 4: that are like-minded. Going and finding somebody that's, oh, he's
3:47
Speaker 4: six feet. Oh, I like people that are six feet. Well,
3:49
Speaker 4: that's not going to be where you're going to find
3:52
Speaker 4: your next.
3:53
Speaker 1: He only speaks Italian, but it'll be fine. I can
3:55
Speaker 1: learn Italian at 60. I love Olive Garden. Yeah, sure.
3:59
Speaker 2: Yeah.
4:00
Speaker 1: Right. Sorry.
4:01
Speaker 3: Sorry.
4:01
Speaker 1: Is he in the breadsticks? I love the all you
4:03
Speaker 1: can eat breadsticks. We really have some things going for us.
4:07
Speaker 4: I think certainly in a later chapter two, I think finding,
4:11
Speaker 4: finding your community, finding your people, and then seeing who
4:14
Speaker 4: gravitates towards things that you care about and you're passionate about.
4:17
Speaker 4: That's where you're not going to find them at the
4:19
Speaker 4: water cooler. You're not going to find them online.
4:21
Speaker 1: Unless your passion is the water cooler.
4:24
Speaker 2: If you're, you know, if, if, if you're into hydration.
4:26
Speaker 1: Great advice. I totally agree.
4:29
Speaker 2: Can I go off script here real quick? Do you mind?
4:31
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
4:32
Speaker 3: Sure.
4:32
Speaker 1: Yeah. Freewheel a little bit. Let's go.
4:34
Speaker 4: I was thinking about something we were talking about earlier
4:36
Speaker 4: about the, the age gap dating, you know, the older guys,
4:39
Speaker 4: younger girls, older girls, younger. So really when that I
4:43
Speaker 4: think hits, like the rubber hits the road there is
4:47
Speaker 4: when you start hanging out, not just with each other.
4:49
Speaker 2: So, you know, you're going on dates or you're going
4:51
Speaker 2: on trips or doing, you know, these fun things. That's
4:53
Speaker 2: like the age.
4:54
Speaker 4: Matters less, but eventually, if it starts to progress, you're
4:58
Speaker 4: going to start hanging out with his or her friends
5:01
Speaker 4: or his or her family. And when you, as the
5:05
Speaker 4: older guy or the girl, start looking more like the
5:07
Speaker 4: parents than the friends, that's where I think it starts
5:10
Speaker 4: to really, you know, figure out whether it's real or not.
5:14
Speaker 1: I haven't drank out of a beer bong in like
5:16
Speaker 1: 30 years, but okay, I can chug, I guess.
5:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
5:19
Speaker 4: When, you know, when you're using your AARP card to
5:22
Speaker 4: get into the college bar, you know, then all of
5:24
Speaker 4: a sudden.
5:25
Speaker 1: When you're Will Ferrell running down the street naked talking
5:27
Speaker 1: about we're all streaking and you're by yourself.
5:29
Speaker 2: We're streaking.
5:30
Speaker 4: But it's a real thing because like, you know, I've
5:34
Speaker 4: been in situations where I'm like, I feel way, I
5:37
Speaker 4: feel okay with this person.
5:38
Speaker 1: I feel like this person is more mature. I'm not
5:39
Speaker 1: the dude that should be in this club right now. Yeah.
5:42
Speaker 4: Or not even at the club. I mean, that's the
5:43
Speaker 4: extreme situation. I'm just talking about a dinner party. I'm
5:47
Speaker 4: talking about like, you know, at a birthday party or
5:50
Speaker 4: a social event where all of a sudden like I'm
5:53
Speaker 4: now looking at people look at me and judging me.
5:56
Speaker 4: And even though the person that you might be, they
5:58
Speaker 4: might be wise and mature beyond their years, but what
6:02
Speaker 4: you're getting at face value, it's sometimes it can, it
6:06
Speaker 4: can erode very quickly.
6:07
Speaker 2: That relationship is a lot less.
6:09
Speaker 1: Interesting too, because they could be really mature seeming yet.
6:13
Speaker 1: Then you look at the people that they're surrounded by
6:16
Speaker 1: and you go, maybe not as mature as I thought,
6:19
Speaker 1: like they're, they're still hanging out with this, this group
6:22
Speaker 1: and doing these things. Like, I think, I think maturity
6:27
Speaker 1: is a big sign of the place that you are
6:31
Speaker 1: in your life are the people that are around you.
6:33
Speaker 1: You know, I think that like, I, you surround yourself
6:36
Speaker 1: with the people that are like-minded. And, and so, I
6:40
Speaker 1: think it's easy for someone to talk the talk. I
6:44
Speaker 1: want to see how they walk the walk. I want
6:45
Speaker 1: to see if the walk lines up with what you've
6:48
Speaker 1: been saying. We have a dinner party and you look
6:52
Speaker 1: around the table and you go, man, this is a
6:53
Speaker 1: great group of people. Or like, God, I'm okay. I
6:57
Speaker 1: stopped drinking Long Island iced teas like 30 years ago.
7:01
Speaker 1: I'll let those pass.
7:02
Speaker 4: But the family and the parents, eventually, if you're dating
7:07
Speaker 4: long enough, and if they're hiding you from them, Or
7:10
Speaker 4: you're not wanting to go and hang out with them.
7:13
Speaker 1: Or you become really good friends with their parents. Because
7:17
Speaker 1: you're closer in age. That's when you know, like, okay, yeah,
7:20
Speaker 1: so your parents and I, we're going to go out
7:22
Speaker 1: Thursday night. We'll see you after. You have fun at
7:25
Speaker 1: the club. Exactly.
7:26
Speaker 4: Make sure you lock the door when you get back in.
7:29
Speaker 1: How fucking embarrassing would that be? Yeah, let the dog out.
7:31
Speaker 1: Don't wake me up. Walk the dog before you go
7:34
Speaker 1: to sleep. This is from Christine. I've been dating a
7:47
Speaker 1: guy for almost, this is a really good one actually
7:49
Speaker 1: for you, Mr. Wright, because you seem like you are
7:52
Speaker 1: in this right now. I've been dating a guy for
7:55
Speaker 1: almost a year. He's a single dad of three teenagers.
7:58
Speaker 1: He's never introduced me to his kids and I'm practically
8:01
Speaker 1: at his place every night except for the nights when
8:03
Speaker 1: his kids stay over. He gets weird whenever I bring
8:06
Speaker 1: it up. Isn't a year long enough? Do I give
8:08
Speaker 1: him an ultimatum?
8:10
Speaker 4: At some point, if you are, if so, from the,
8:13
Speaker 4: from the woman's perspective, if he is after that long,
8:17
Speaker 4: he's willing to commit a year to me and I'm
8:20
Speaker 4: willing to commit a year to him, but he won't
8:22
Speaker 4: introduce me to those, to the kids. There's something going
8:26
Speaker 4: on there. Now, now there could be some stuff behind
8:28
Speaker 4: the scenes. You could have a very controlling ex wife
8:32
Speaker 4: that is saying, you know, I don't want them to
8:33
Speaker 4: meet anybody, but the kids are teenagers.
8:35
Speaker 1: They're big.
8:36
Speaker 2: I mean, they're mature enough.
8:38
Speaker 4: I mean, I can understand if they're very young, You know,
8:40
Speaker 4: there's certain developmental and maturity things that maybe come into play.
8:45
Speaker 4: But there is, in my opinion, there is no excuse.
8:48
Speaker 4: If the kids are teenagers, it's been a year. There
8:50
Speaker 4: is no reason, because they should also want to know
8:53
Speaker 4: why their dad is happy. Or where, what, is he
8:56
Speaker 4: just not talking about this woman that he's dating?
8:59
Speaker 1: Makes no sense to me.
9:00
Speaker 2: So I think.
9:01
Speaker 4: That the kids deserve to see who their father has
9:05
Speaker 4: been spending all this time with.
9:07
Speaker 1: To me, the key phrase being, do I give them
9:09
Speaker 1: an ultimatum? Like that's a tough one. I ultimatums are tough.
9:13
Speaker 4: No, I don't think you give it not an ultimatum,
9:14
Speaker 4: but I think you say, if I'm important enough for
9:16
Speaker 4: you to spend this time with, I'm, you know, like,
9:19
Speaker 4: like we have this thing. Why wouldn't you introduce me
9:21
Speaker 4: to the most important people in your life?
9:24
Speaker 1: Right.
9:24
Speaker 4: Am I not, am I not on that level?
9:27
Speaker 1: So let's have a real conversation about it. Then I
9:29
Speaker 1: would suggest you guys sit down and have a real
9:32
Speaker 1: conversation about it and, you know, ultimatum then being something
9:36
Speaker 1: at the end of it saying, listen, I, I've been
9:39
Speaker 1: in this for a year now. Um, I really want
9:42
Speaker 1: to continue doing this. I want to meet your kids.
9:45
Speaker 1: It's starting to feel really uncomfortable to me. So I like,
9:49
Speaker 1: if you're not in a place where this feels serious
9:52
Speaker 1: enough and real enough to you to do that, then
9:55
Speaker 1: we need to maybe split this now before I get
9:58
Speaker 1: any deeper in this and just get hurt more and more.
10:01
Speaker 1: That's a very real conversation. They should be. I think
10:05
Speaker 1: they should be having all of those conversations. Like you said,
10:09
Speaker 1: is it a sticky situation for him? with his ex? Like,
10:13
Speaker 1: is there a lot there that he's really worried about?
10:15
Speaker 1: Is he losing, is he worried about, you know, like
10:18
Speaker 1: not seeing his kids as often as he wants to,
10:20
Speaker 1: because she is controlling that. Like what, what are the
10:24
Speaker 1: things to it? Is it just his own concern? Because
10:27
Speaker 1: it's like, dude, if it's just you, you know, loosen,
10:30
Speaker 1: loosen the reins a little bit. Like let's, let's go.
10:33
Speaker 1: We've been doing, I think she needs to protect herself too.
10:35
Speaker 1: I think that she should also I mean, an ultimatum
10:38
Speaker 1: sounds like such a weird word. I mean, it's like,
10:39
Speaker 1: it's like a very like definitive word, but an ultimatum
10:42
Speaker 1: can be like, Hey, this ultimatum for me is like my,
10:44
Speaker 1: my worth is this. I'm, I'm valuable enough to be
10:48
Speaker 1: part of this guy's every part of his life. There
10:50
Speaker 1: shouldn't be these, these parts that I don't understand or know.
10:53
Speaker 1: I deserve after a year to know every part of
10:56
Speaker 1: this guy's life. And if there's something that he's keeping
10:58
Speaker 1: from me, maybe there's a reason that he's keeping it
11:00
Speaker 1: from me. And this relationship is stalled and maybe he's
11:04
Speaker 1: doesn't think I'm special enough.
11:06
Speaker 2: To introduce to my kids. And that's just, that's something
11:08
Speaker 2: that she should keep in mind as well.
11:10
Speaker 3: It might put a magnifying glass on things for her too. Like,
11:13
Speaker 3: you know, are they exclusive?
11:15
Speaker 1: Right. If they've been exclusive for a year, then obviously
11:19
Speaker 1: it's time. Right.
11:20
Speaker 3: But maybe he's not exclusive and she has been, and
11:23
Speaker 3: that's something that she'll find out by having this conversation.
11:26
Speaker 3: I mean, Brian, you said it a bunch. It's like,
11:28
Speaker 3: it's all about communication. And it's like, you know, if
11:31
Speaker 3: she's there every night, It's pretty obvious they're exclusive.
11:34
Speaker 1: I was just going to say that. If she's there
11:35
Speaker 1: every night except for the nights that they're not there,
11:38
Speaker 1: that becomes a little weird. Like, oh, my grown kids
11:41
Speaker 1: are coming over, so you've got to go back to
11:43
Speaker 1: your place. I can see that would be an incredibly
11:49
Speaker 1: uncomfortable situation if you're not talking about it. If you
11:53
Speaker 1: are and there are clear reasons for it, then... yeah, you,
11:58
Speaker 1: you know, you might want to, you might be okay
12:00
Speaker 1: with a little more leeway, but I think that that's,
12:03
Speaker 1: that that kind of, that's a conversation that needs to
12:05
Speaker 1: be had for sure. Especially after a year.
12:07
Speaker 2: Yeah.
12:08
Speaker 1: Natalia, I love it. She starts with this. Be honest.
12:13
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, it's kind of what we do here, Natalia.
12:15
Speaker 1: That's the point of the show. As men age, do
12:18
Speaker 1: you notice that your sex drive is lowering? Sure. Absolutely.
12:22
Speaker 2: Of course.
12:23
Speaker 1: Like that's, That is a chemical thing. That is testosterone.
12:26
Speaker 1: And that is what men, as they age, start naturally losing.
12:31
Speaker 1: You can take supplements and you can, you know, go,
12:34
Speaker 1: go the opposite direction. But to me, honestly, absolutely. Sex
12:38
Speaker 1: drive lowers. There's no way to avoid that. I didn't
12:41
Speaker 1: ask for it.
12:41
Speaker 3: Well, when you're 16, 17, 18, 25, whatever, it's like,
12:46
Speaker 3: all you think about is sex 24 seven.
12:48
Speaker 1: Right. And it's like, you know, how am I going
12:50
Speaker 1: to have it? Where am I going to find it?
12:52
Speaker 1: You know, and, and, you know, whatever.
12:54
Speaker 3: As you get older, you got so many other things
12:56
Speaker 3: going on in your life and so many other responsibilities
12:58
Speaker 3: and so many other things.
13:00
Speaker 1: But yeah, you're right.
13:01
Speaker 3: I mean, there is definitely a regimen to follow as
13:04
Speaker 3: you start realizing that as you get older. I mean,
13:06
Speaker 3: I think I'm the oldest.
13:07
Speaker 2: I'm 55.
13:07
Speaker 1: I know we're all around the same age. But yeah,
13:11
Speaker 1: I am married to someone younger.
13:12
Speaker 3: And part of me making sure that I am there
13:16
Speaker 3: for her in the ways that she needs me to
13:18
Speaker 3: be as well. You know, you can't just sit on
13:20
Speaker 3: the couch all the time and expect to be the
13:22
Speaker 3: guy that's ready to go.
13:23
Speaker 1: Yeah.
13:24
Speaker 4: Yeah. But I think there is this without question, Brian,
13:27
Speaker 4: you're right. There is certain chemicals aging there. It is,
13:31
Speaker 4: you know, age and time is undefeated.
13:33
Speaker 1: Yep.
13:34
Speaker 4: But there is something I think that happens with, with
13:37
Speaker 4: men as they get older is they don't lose passion
13:40
Speaker 4: and passion and, and like sex driver, I think are
13:43
Speaker 4: connected to a certain degree. But I think that, um,
13:46
Speaker 4: that passion still is there. And I think that that
13:49
Speaker 4: is a kind of a cool thing about an older
13:50
Speaker 4: man is that there is a maturity and there is
13:53
Speaker 4: a passion that is more controllable. It's not as urge
13:57
Speaker 4: driven as it is for younger guys.
14:00
Speaker 1: It's not just the physical act the same way. It's
14:02
Speaker 1: the connection.
14:05
Speaker 4: It's, you know, it is all the other things around
14:07
Speaker 4: it that I think sometimes the young guys, you know, are,
14:09
Speaker 4: are missing and don't get it until they mature. But
14:13
Speaker 4: without question, there is, there is, there is a fall
14:15
Speaker 4: off in terms of sex drive, in terms of that
14:18
Speaker 4: like crazy urge.
14:19
Speaker 2: But I think it's replaced by something a lot more important.
14:22
Speaker 1: Yeah. Agreed. Dude, that's well, well said. Well spoken. That's
14:27
Speaker 1: why he's Mr. Right, Brian.
14:28
Speaker 2: All right.
14:28
Speaker 1: See you guys later. It's why you're Mr. Right. And
14:31
Speaker 1: you're not just Mr. Right now. That's right. You know what?
14:35
Speaker 1: I would be curious to, to, to know why Natalia
14:38
Speaker 1: is asking it. Like if she's with an older man
14:42
Speaker 1: and she's not getting what she needs, like what, you know,
14:45
Speaker 1: what's the purpose of the question just because you have
14:47
Speaker 1: a scientific mind and you want to know.
14:49
Speaker 4: I think a lot of guys, you know, don't, don't
14:51
Speaker 4: address it. I think a lot of guys aren't honest
14:53
Speaker 4: about it. And then all of a sudden it becomes
14:55
Speaker 4: this like very, very weird elephant in the room that
14:58
Speaker 4: we're just not discussing. And, you know, it's like, it's okay. Like,
15:01
Speaker 4: like there are certain, there are certain realities of life.
15:04
Speaker 4: And again, you know, that's why I'm trying to frame
15:06
Speaker 4: it in such a way where like, yeah, there is
15:08
Speaker 4: certain things that are different, but certain things that are better.
15:11
Speaker 4: And I think you got to focus on the things
15:12
Speaker 4: that are better.
15:13
Speaker 2: I like it.
15:14
Speaker 1: Very well said.
15:25
Speaker 4: All right.
15:25
Speaker 1: This is our last question. This is an email. Again,
15:28
Speaker 1: we only had one voicemail. So let's step up the
15:31
Speaker 1: voicemails people. Come on, let's call in and ask some questions.
15:37
Speaker 1: I think this is Luis. I fell in love with
15:40
Speaker 1: a guy right as he was coming out of a
15:41
Speaker 1: two year long divorce. We for sure trauma bonded because
15:46
Speaker 1: my divorce was ugly, but with my situation, I got
15:49
Speaker 1: a good settlement and I've always been good with saving money.
15:52
Speaker 1: The guy that I'm dating lost a lot of money.
15:55
Speaker 1: He put a ton on credit cards. Am I just
15:58
Speaker 1: supposed to hope he figures this out himself? Or do
16:01
Speaker 1: I have to help him fix this? How real is
16:04
Speaker 1: the relationship that you're in? If you're in a real relationship, yeah,
16:08
Speaker 1: you might want to, if you are more educated in
16:12
Speaker 1: the way of being financially smart and stable, educate. Educate, educate, educate.
16:20
Speaker 1: If you're not, if it's just for fun, who gives
16:22
Speaker 1: a shit? Like, you know, drive in his really cool Bentley,
16:25
Speaker 1: you know, and then go back to his apartment at
16:27
Speaker 1: the end of the day. Like it doesn't, that's fine.
16:31
Speaker 1: You know, that's funny. No, you're nailing all the blinged
16:34
Speaker 1: out stuff. And then, you know, and then you guys, uh,
16:37
Speaker 1: you split the bill for dinner. It's all based on
16:40
Speaker 1: where you're at.
16:40
Speaker 2: Right.
16:41
Speaker 3: So if you're at a serious point in the relationship
16:42
Speaker 3: and if you think you're going to be together, then
16:45
Speaker 3: those problems will likely become your problems. And it's, and
16:49
Speaker 3: it's going to be something that you're going to have
16:50
Speaker 3: to figure out how to do together. It doesn't necessarily
16:52
Speaker 3: mean that she dips into her savings and pays off
16:54
Speaker 3: his debt, but it definitely means that they're going to
16:56
Speaker 3: have to talk about it.
16:57
Speaker 1: Don't do that.
16:58
Speaker 2: Yeah.
16:58
Speaker 1: Don't, don't all of a sudden like, you know, humor
17:01
Speaker 1: him when he's like, Hey, I've got this really cool idea.
17:04
Speaker 1: You know, it's, it's sort of, it looks like a pyramid,
17:07
Speaker 1: but it's not a pyramid. That should be your first
17:10
Speaker 1: clue to run. As seen on TV.
17:14
Speaker 4: One of the things that I think is such a
17:18
Speaker 4: important linchpin in a relationship in chapter two is finances
17:24
Speaker 4: is the understanding of explanation, clarity around finances, especially if
17:30
Speaker 4: there's kids involved. And I think that having, being able,
17:35
Speaker 4: and it's a hard thing to do is to have
17:36
Speaker 4: an open conversation about it, about what your debt is,
17:39
Speaker 4: about what your obligations are to your ex, what your
17:41
Speaker 4: obligations are to kids. Are your kids going to college?
17:43
Speaker 4: Do you have a five to nine? Do you have retirement?
17:46
Speaker 4: You know, do you owe debt on your business? Like what,
17:48
Speaker 4: like all these things. And it's, you, I'm not sure
17:52
Speaker 4: what the right time is to introduce that, But out
17:55
Speaker 4: of the gate, of course, you're going to fancy dinners
17:57
Speaker 4: and you're buying flowers and you're going on trips and
17:59
Speaker 4: all these things. Now, is that an expectation or a reality? Like,
18:02
Speaker 4: is that an expectation that your partner has?
18:05
Speaker 1: Is this sustainable or is this just like for now?
18:07
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is what it's always going to be. Or
18:10
Speaker 4: are you going to slip down into what your normal is?
18:12
Speaker 4: And what is that normal? And so, you know, I
18:15
Speaker 4: think that chapter two, you know, prenuptial agreements are important.
18:19
Speaker 4: fairly common because of course you have kids to protect,
18:22
Speaker 4: you have assets to protect. You know, in my situation,
18:25
Speaker 4: I have to make sure that, you know, that I
18:26
Speaker 4: protect that I have enough alimony to pay and, and,
18:30
Speaker 4: you know, child support to pay and all these sorts
18:31
Speaker 4: of things.
18:32
Speaker 2: So these are all realities of my life.
18:34
Speaker 4: So, so what I was making previous to my divorce
18:37
Speaker 4: and what I'm taking home after my divorce is drastically different.
18:42
Speaker 1: Yeah.
18:42
Speaker 4: And again, like, but I'm, you know, am I going
18:44
Speaker 4: to bring that up the first date? Am I going
18:45
Speaker 4: to bring up the 10th date? I don't know I
18:47
Speaker 4: don't know when it's supposed to come up, but it's
18:48
Speaker 4: supposed to come up and it has to be honest
18:51
Speaker 4: because the dating world, I mean, everything seems like it's
18:55
Speaker 4: champagne and, you know, in hot tubs.
18:57
Speaker 1: I was just going to say that Bob knows better
18:59
Speaker 1: than either of us. You see these like extravagant dates
19:02
Speaker 1: and the private jets and the big suites and the
19:04
Speaker 1: things and, and all that. And then the show's done.
19:08
Speaker 1: And then it's like, okay, yeah. Oh, I'm, you know,
19:10
Speaker 1: my apartment is off of fifth and, you know, and
19:13
Speaker 1: it's like this time it's, Things completely change. You know,
19:16
Speaker 1: I used to say this, I swear to God, I
19:18
Speaker 1: would say this, the rose ceremonies.
19:19
Speaker 3: And I would say, ladies, listen, uh, I'm from Detroit and, uh,
19:22
Speaker 3: we're not taking a helicopter into a volcano in my hometown.
19:27
Speaker 2: Okay.
19:27
Speaker 1: So just putting it out there. Uh, right.
19:29
Speaker 2: Yeah.
19:30
Speaker 1: Yeah. Make sure this is real. This is not what
19:33
Speaker 1: it appears.
19:34
Speaker 3: But, you know, I think you're right. I mean, there's
19:35
Speaker 3: so much to this. And I think at the end
19:37
Speaker 3: of the day, it's like, you know, I agree with you, Mr. Wright,
19:39
Speaker 3: that second phase of life is tough because you do
19:43
Speaker 3: have to look at things from a different perspective. And
19:45
Speaker 3: you do have to kind of have a different lens
19:47
Speaker 3: on it when you're thinking about your future with this person.
19:51
Speaker 1: And, you know, where does this go? How does it look?
19:54
Speaker 3: How does appearances seem versus reality, right? It's like Instagram
19:58
Speaker 3: versus reality type of thing.
20:00
Speaker 1: Yeah.
20:00
Speaker 4: But how about this idea now that like the next
20:02
Speaker 4: person that you're dating, now let's say they've never been
20:04
Speaker 4: married before.
20:04
Speaker 2: They're, you know, they're a single.
20:06
Speaker 4: Their whole lives, and now they're dating one of us.
20:11
Speaker 4: And we have kids with our previous relationship. We have
20:15
Speaker 4: a previous relationship. Now, I want to keep that relationship
20:19
Speaker 4: as healthy and as rosy and perfect as possible. Part
20:24
Speaker 4: of that is financial. Part of that is me investing
20:26
Speaker 4: time with my kids and with my ex as well.
20:29
Speaker 4: That can be a tough thing for somebody else coming
20:32
Speaker 4: new into your life and going, no, no, no, I'm
20:34
Speaker 4: the most important thing.
20:35
Speaker 2: Who are these other people? And I think over.
20:38
Speaker 4: Time, there is, I don't know if it's jealousy or
20:41
Speaker 4: if it's envy, but sometimes that can creep in, especially
20:44
Speaker 4: when it comes to finances.
20:46
Speaker 2: Oh, wait a second. You're sending your kids on this vacation.
20:48
Speaker 4: You're sending your kids, you know, spending money on this
20:52
Speaker 4: or that. Why can't you spend that on me? Why
20:55
Speaker 4: can't you spend that time and energy on me? Why
20:57
Speaker 4: do I have to share that with these other people?
21:00
Speaker 2: It's an interesting question. Maybe that's a different episode.
21:03
Speaker 1: That's an honesty though, that I think you sort of
21:06
Speaker 1: lead with in, in a relationship. If it feels like the,
21:09
Speaker 1: like something that is really worth it. Like my fiance
21:12
Speaker 1: now is we started very early with that understanding of
21:18
Speaker 1: we'll talk about everything. So there is no unknown. If
21:21
Speaker 1: she's feeling a certain way or I'm feeling a certain way,
21:24
Speaker 1: we'll know about it right away. And then we'll kind
21:26
Speaker 1: of get to the bottom of it and we'll come
21:28
Speaker 1: up with some sort of, you way of dealing with
21:33
Speaker 1: the situation. Finances, it's the same thing. I think a
21:36
Speaker 1: lot of people don't discuss finances right off the bat
21:40
Speaker 1: because they don't know enough about them and they feel stupid.
21:45
Speaker 1: They feel like, God, I've never really paid attention to this.
21:47
Speaker 1: So I don't want to get into this conversation now
21:50
Speaker 1: because I'm just going to nod my head and act
21:52
Speaker 1: like I know what somebody's saying, but I don't really
21:54
Speaker 1: know what they're saying. And it's embarrassing. So I think
21:58
Speaker 1: you kind of like, you both have to sort of
22:00
Speaker 1: jump in early and go, okay, cool. Let's talk about
22:04
Speaker 1: all finances on both sides. Let's talk about everything. So
22:08
Speaker 1: then there's no unknowns because it's the unknowns that start
22:11
Speaker 1: creating problems. Yeah. It's the things you don't talk about
22:15
Speaker 1: where you're like, hey, why has it always been like this?
22:18
Speaker 1: And it's like, it's been like this for five years.
22:20
Speaker 1: Why the didn't you say something five years ago? Like,
22:22
Speaker 1: why did it take five years for us to talk about?
22:24
Speaker 1: Or something pops up out of nowhere. Yeah. Yeah, those
22:28
Speaker 1: are the things that become, oh, this is the straw
22:30
Speaker 1: that broke the camel's back. It's like, what camel's back?
22:32
Speaker 1: What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't know
22:34
Speaker 1: there was a camel's back involved in this.
22:36
Speaker 4: But you could have a very real conversation out of
22:38
Speaker 4: the gate and say, these are my responsibilities.
22:40
Speaker 2: These are my ex-wife. These are my kids. This is
22:42
Speaker 2: how I spend my money and my time. This is
22:43
Speaker 2: my situation. Oh, yeah, it's fine.
22:45
Speaker 1: It's fine. It's fine.
22:46
Speaker 4: And then five years later, that person's like, well, why?
22:49
Speaker 4: I thought we dealt with that. But it's a little
22:51
Speaker 4: bit like an annoying habit where it doesn't necessarily manifest
22:55
Speaker 4: right away. But down the road, it can it can
22:58
Speaker 4: pop its, you know, it's in rear its ugly head
23:00
Speaker 4: and become an issue.
23:02
Speaker 1: You just have to have these conversations as often as possible.
23:04
Speaker 1: And ongoing and ongoing. Be the aggressor in that. If
23:09
Speaker 1: the person that you're with isn't doesn't normally act that way,
23:13
Speaker 1: that's fine. You be the one then that instigates that
23:16
Speaker 1: conversation all the time. that does that like weekly check-in
23:20
Speaker 1: of like, Hey, I've noticed you seem a little bit
23:22
Speaker 1: sort of thrown this last week, or, or you seem
23:25
Speaker 1: a little bit overwhelmed with this, or something seemed to
23:27
Speaker 1: bother you. Let's talk about that. Don't be afraid to
23:30
Speaker 1: be that person because it's only going to hurt you.
23:34
Speaker 1: If you, if you have these things continue to pile
23:37
Speaker 1: up and then they, they explode and they become something bigger.
23:40
Speaker 1: So can air that out right away to me that my,
23:44
Speaker 1: my opinion, you guys, this, We killed it, man. We
23:49
Speaker 1: crushed it. I feel like this episode of I Do
23:53
Speaker 1: Part Two is probably one of the best that iHeart
23:57
Speaker 1: has ever done.
23:58
Speaker 2: Ever.
23:58
Speaker 1: I mean, ever.
24:00
Speaker 4: Maybe the most important recorded voices in the history of media.
24:05
Speaker 1: For sure. Generational. You have the I Have a Dream speech,
24:07
Speaker 1: and then you have our episode of I Do Part Two.
24:10
Speaker 2: Winston Churchill, us.
24:12
Speaker 1: Right. We're in good company, guys. We're in good company.
24:15
Speaker 2: I like it. Yeah, dude.
24:17
Speaker 1: Good, good times. I hope we do this again. This
24:18
Speaker 1: has been a lot of fun. Um, so, uh, divorce
24:22
Speaker 1: and chapter two can suck sometimes. I think we all
24:26
Speaker 1: agree on that. You're ready to get back out there.
24:28
Speaker 1: You need some help. We want to guide you, uh,
24:30
Speaker 1: send us an email, leave us a voicemail. All the
24:33
Speaker 1: info is in the show notes. Follow us on socials.
24:37
Speaker 1: I do part two and I heart podcast. We're falling
24:39
Speaker 1: in love is the main objective. Thanks guys.