Latest / SHULCHAN ARUCH YOMI: Own the Halacha in 25 minutes a day! / Yoreh De’ah 240:24. Honoring Parents: In-Laws, Older Siblings, Converts, Adopted Children, Non-Jews, Sandak At a Bris, Waking Them Up

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Yoreh De’ah 240:24. Honoring Parents: In-Laws, Older Siblings, Converts, Adopted Children, Non-Jews, Sandak At a Bris, Waking Them Up · SHULCHAN ARUCH YOMI: Own the Halacha in 25 minutes a day!

• 0:01
  OK we're continuing with keyboard of aim.
• 0:05
  You're a day a rich man. We're continuing with
• 0:09
  Kafkafdalid OK Kaya vadam Lakhabed Hamid A person has to
• 0:16
  give honor to his father-in-law. I really this goes
• 0:21
  father-in-law, mother-in-law and it goes to a woman to it's both
• 0:26
  right for a man, for a man and woman for either of their in
• 0:30
  laws. OK, from both sides.
• 0:34
  So the, the source for this, the tour mentions it, there's a
• 0:39
  Yalkut Shimoni. It's so the proof you can see
• 0:43
  it's quoted in the task. the IT comes from let's say Shmuel.
• 0:50
  It's a drasha from Shmuel. I don't know if I would say it
• 0:53
  comes from here, but this is certainly like an asmachta from
• 0:56
  Shmuel. The pashta sits a Jinder Abana,
• 1:00
  but it says but it's a Jinder Abana based on keyboard of aim
• 1:07
  hakara seto ratzen Hashem middos tovos kule.
• 1:11
  There are Hertz. So how do we see it from a
• 1:13
  Pasok? So it's in Shmuel Olive where
• 1:20
  David, he, he cuts and rips the clothing, the robes of Shaul.
• 1:26
  Shaul is trying to kill him, literally.
• 1:29
  And David is running for his life and he's able to sneak up
• 1:34
  on him from behind without him noticing, coming right,
• 1:37
  approaching the soldiers, approaching his as enemies to
• 1:41
  Shaul. They're trying to kill him and
• 1:43
  the key, it's Kimat miraculous. I was able just to come right up
• 1:47
  to him, RIP his clothing and call to him and cut him and say
• 1:52
  Avi re Gamre. So he calls him Avi, right?
• 1:56
  Who is Shahul Shul? Is his father-in-law, believe it
• 1:59
  or not, right Simple Tanakh. His father-in-law, Shaul wants
• 2:04
  to kill him. But even while he's trying to
• 2:06
  kill him, Shaul's trying to kill David.
• 2:08
  David refers to his father-in-law as my father.
• 2:11
  So you see, we must give respect, OK, he married
• 2:17
  Mikhala's daughter, so let's see where else.
• 2:22
  Now the post can point out the shock points out Now you don't
• 2:26
  have to give exactly the same covert to an in law as you do to
• 2:31
  your parents. I mean there's a huge difference
• 2:32
  one raised you and relationship is not the same.
• 2:35
  The history is not the same biological versus not the Khule
• 2:40
  Bahule. So generally the postgames say 1
• 2:43
  should at least stand up within Daled Amos for him.
• 2:47
  Treat him like a nashim, Khashuvim or zucchini no less.
• 2:52
  And there's certain various things that is appropriate and
• 2:55
  expected besides being what we generally call being respectful
• 3:00
  and being mahavaid and honoring. OK, now are we even?
• 3:05
  And I think it's one should stand all the way by a brother.
• 3:10
  We learnt or we mentioned Pashtas the postgame say even
• 3:14
  for a for a brother, that's even the right so but one should at
• 3:16
  least stand at least there's something you can do of Kavut
• 3:19
  clearly to a brother, an older brother, the oldest brother
• 3:23
  standing. Many say at least to do a
• 3:25
  hitter, at least if there may be the older brothers nowadays are
• 3:29
  Mocho, at least make a you know, show as if you're trying to
• 3:33
  stand for a moment to pretend you're going to show them the
• 3:35
  Kavut at minimal by but an in law.
• 3:39
  Perhaps I would say do more. Maybe I don't know what's
• 3:42
  expected, but anyway, that's OK. We are going to see.
• 3:47
  Let's finish reading the Rama and then we'll make a comment.
• 3:52
  Hagah yeesh. Omrin Zein Adam Hayev be covered
• 3:56
  Aviv Aviv. There is such an opinion out
• 3:59
  there that says 1 is high right in in, but not your
• 4:04
  grandparents. However, there ain't no near Ali
• 4:08
  and the Rama says I don't think so.
• 4:10
  Allah the Hayev be covered Aviv yatir mikavod Avi Aviv.
• 4:16
  So he and basically all the postschemes say even on his
• 4:19
  edendo araisa, we have thresholds also that a parent
• 4:24
  that a one is Hayev in honoring like there like there's a
• 4:29
  mitzvahed araisa to honor your parents.
• 4:31
  There's also a mitzvahed araisa to honor your grandparents.
• 4:35
  They're they're parents of your parents and they also you, you
• 4:39
  come from them and they also, whether it's directly or
• 4:43
  indirectly, they have a helic in you as well and a lineage and
• 4:47
  producing you and raising you at least.
• 4:50
  All right, fine. So that that's most of.
• 4:54
  His game so. Some make a difference.
• 5:00
  There's a question if it's the same, OK, I think most say it's
• 5:05
  the same, the grass is. Otherwise I have to see it
• 5:07
  inside. I.
• 5:13
  Think most say it's the same. OK we can look there later if
• 5:18
  interesting look in the ties he says King parish, Rashi Bahamas
• 5:22
  vahim and loke Aviv Yitzhak. So there it's mentions with the
• 5:28
  Aqua that he mentions his father.
• 5:30
  Yitzhak doesn't mention his father, so there you
• 5:33
  grandfather. So that's also some point out.
• 5:36
  You see that whether you learn from there or not, whatever the
• 5:39
  point is, there's a certainly, certainly one is much more
• 5:45
  Makhlev in his parents than his grandparents.
• 5:48
  So clearly there's a hierarchy. The first comes a father, then
• 5:56
  probably a grandparent and then a father-in-law.
• 6:00
  We're going to mention parents through adoption in a moment.
• 6:04
  So they're going to fall in somewhere over there.
• 6:07
  Fine, Let's just let's just take a step back.
• 6:10
  We're going to and a few random points over here here just going
• 6:14
  back to we wake questions always famous story from the Gemara
• 6:20
  waking up parents. So the post games say if your
• 6:23
  parents want you to wake them up, then yes, you should wake
• 6:27
  them up. It's only keyboard of a famous
• 6:31
  story and it's parents if the if you're going to make money.
• 6:37
  I know my parents for sure would be happy to be to be woken up
• 6:41
  anytime so I can make a buck. Obviously it depends how much,
• 6:44
  but depending on the situation you have to go by rutzen of your
• 6:49
  parents Don't. Not waking them is not always a
• 6:52
  good thing. Sometimes they want to be woken
• 6:53
  up for minions, sometimes they don't.
• 6:55
  It all depends what they want. Whatever is what they want,
• 6:58
  that's what one should do. And Wilson said the the learning
• 7:03
  from DOMA Benesina. Right DOMA that's a goy Jewish
• 7:08
  pair would suddenly Goy's parent wouldn't the Jewish parent.
• 7:14
  Now you do learn tremendous Milo from him of keyboard of in DOMA
• 7:19
  Benesina for not waking up his parents, but that wasn't
• 7:23
  necessarily the correct thing to do.
• 7:28
  Even the sometimes parents want you to wake them up to be driven
• 7:31
  places like you know, whatever it is everyone knows.
• 7:34
  And that's also you see that I saw the about Yosef the shame
• 7:39
  safer Hasidim that right that let's say you OK, waking them up
• 7:44
  is sometimes a good thing. OK, what else do you want to
• 7:49
  point out here? Let's talk about her adoption
• 7:55
  parents so famous Gomorrin Sanhedrin yo Ted shikola magadel
• 8:04
  yato mutos beso Malala vocasa quilo iolado.
• 8:08
  If a person raises a child, it says if he gave birth to them
• 8:13
  and that has, you know, imported ramifications.
• 8:16
  Great scar and tremendous Acara Sato the parent the kids have
• 8:20
  must have for their parents. We saw that.
• 8:23
  We see that by Mihal raised the children of Merov and so
• 8:29
  therefore they were considered the children of Mihal.
• 8:35
  The gummar magilla gilmal similar gummar magad al yasum
• 8:38
  via soma the same thing Malakibu raised them.
• 8:42
  That Gemara quotes the story of the Sia Bakparo who raised Moshe
• 8:48
  Rabenoso. She got credit as if she raised
• 8:53
  them. She gave birth to him, so that's
• 8:56
  also fine. So the anyways, the general
• 9:00
  consensus if you want look around different postscame.
• 9:03
  Not so many talk about it. Cousin Obadi talks about it in
• 9:06
  the Hilcus cube, but of a Nishmas Avrahm and Kayla Kay
• 9:11
  menbes Yidalif page 551. He goes Samosha a little bit and
• 9:16
  Yidala talks about you're a dad talks about it.
• 9:19
  Kayla Kumbet. You're a dad Kuf Lamid and the
• 9:26
  importance of honoring ones you know for adopted child how the
• 9:32
  importance of honoring their parents who adopted them to
• 9:36
  shoot Maharami Rothenberg. He also writes that it's Rahui
• 9:40
  to call them Avi or IMI, my parent.
• 9:43
  And so therefore, even if you write that about, if you refer
• 9:47
  to them about them in a star, in a contract, the legal contract,
• 9:50
  it's binding because it's not Shekhar, it's you're 'cause
• 9:55
  you're supposed to call them, you're supposed to give them
• 9:58
  cover. So it seems pretty clear that
• 10:02
  there is a Khiv Din according to I think all the postgame the
• 10:08
  only to honor the parents. The only question.
• 10:11
  The only thing though is it's pretty clear that there's no
• 10:14
  literal, you know, strict literal of the law from keyboard
• 10:18
  Cabrera Devi Havesi Mach on the puzzle that that really refers
• 10:22
  primarily to a biological parent.
• 10:27
  But for one through adoption, it's not technically in the
• 10:31
  puzzle. Perhaps there's an element of De
• 10:35
  Arisa from Macalbach, Homer Little Dohak, but we didn't have
• 10:40
  Kara Satov right about Rabbo. So especially, you know, they
• 10:47
  bring you to this world. A lot of parents nowadays, they
• 10:50
  bring their children just like a Rebbe to Olam Hava.
• 10:53
  They also teach them. They also pay for them and bring
• 10:57
  them to hater care and pay for hater.
• 11:00
  So all these aspects, Kara Satov Ratsan Hashem Midas tovos, Derek
• 11:05
  Heritz. So there is definitely a level
• 11:09
  of de Arisa involved. It's just the question is
• 11:14
  exactly how you mugged their it and is it technically under
• 11:17
  Kibodava aim or or separate right.
• 11:19
  There's also Davek by Kurdish Barku.
• 11:24
  And then also it shouldn't be Hulashem for what they do to you
• 11:27
  that that that's how you. So anyways, it's very important
• 11:30
  to be Makayam like you're right. Also said Kabul Homer for a from
• 11:35
  a Rebbe hule. The only thing I'll just point
• 11:38
  out interesting enough when it comes to let's say helchos
• 11:41
  Avellis. So there generally the post can
• 11:43
  point out one should do at least a minimum of honoring when it
• 11:51
  comes to Avellis help in the Cavura right has spading and
• 11:56
  whatever is can be done, should one literally do the exact
• 12:01
  sitting Shiva? So that's kind of depends on the
• 12:04
  case. It's often considered a proper
• 12:07
  thing to do to actually sit Shiva, but it depends on the
• 12:11
  case because there's also certain petroleum involved, like
• 12:15
  a or it also, you know, disrupts one's life.
• 12:18
  One should not right. So what's clear, though, from
• 12:22
  the post game is he doesn't have a din of an onan.
• 12:25
  Sometimes there may be an issue of osigba mitzvah, patra
• 12:28
  mitzvah, but he never has a din of an official oning, right?
• 12:32
  There's mitzvah issues, but nowadays it's called kadisha.
• 12:35
  But generally speaking, he is not.
• 12:37
  He's never considered an oning. He always Dobbins.
• 12:39
  He always says brachos. He never stops wearing filling.
• 12:43
  Even for that first day, he always wears filling.
• 12:46
  He should probably say Kadesh. He should, you know, perhaps he
• 12:50
  should sit Shiva, but when there's no one in the room to
• 12:54
  visit him, so he should certainly learn Tara.
• 12:58
  There's no tour from learning Tara just because you're sitting
• 13:00
  Shiva if you're an adoptive parent, because right, it
• 13:04
  doesn't have the the technical halachic framework if equal to a
• 13:10
  biological parent consultor of as far as working during Shiva
• 13:17
  if it's necessary. Obviously, if it's necessary,
• 13:20
  sometimes it's OK anyway for anybody but certain parts
• 13:23
  privately, whatever. That's a little bit beyond here.
• 13:27
  I think that's what we wanted to say for that.
• 13:30
  Interesting question. All right, we're almost done.
• 13:32
  Interesting question. This we will see a bit more
• 13:36
  coming up, but here can 1 daven for let's say the question of
• 13:46
  more at hand over here is let's say a person converts the
• 13:49
  converts. The Garrett said that and he has
• 13:52
  so his Jews are his parents are not not Jewish.
• 13:58
  We're going to see more about this in the next Simon.
• 14:02
  I don't know about today, but the point question is, can you
• 14:05
  dove in for them? Can you dove in for any non Jew
• 14:08
  right. So generally speaking, the post
• 14:11
  column clearly say yes, one should dove in for non Jews now,
• 14:17
  right, We're afraid you know, sometimes if it's a a heretic or
• 14:21
  someone's a Russia. So the general but over.
• 14:25
  But generally speaking, for certainly for parents who who
• 14:31
  raised you, there was a tremendous Akara Satov.
• 14:34
  One must have and even for random non Jews.
• 14:38
  The general consensus is that one yes is supposed to dabble
• 14:42
  the Mahara. I'll just quote to you from
• 14:46
  that's saying Igor Smosha discusses it in particular by
• 14:49
  adoption parents and it's also discussed straight on in general
• 14:54
  for for Davanin and Yekhavidas, Caleb Vav Simon Samet.
• 15:00
  So there he also quotes the Maharshala points out when it
• 15:05
  comes to there are certain people out there that you don't
• 15:09
  want to help them keep living right there, Mamash Kofrim or
• 15:14
  they're difficult to to the Jewish people and they're
• 15:18
  harmful. So sometimes there's a halacha
• 15:20
  where you don't save them, but that's for physical but physical
• 15:26
  application. But when it comes to dawvidin,
• 15:30
  so there's a distinction there. You dawin for them to get
• 15:33
  better, to be better people. You dawin for them to be saved
• 15:36
  from gahanam. And that we see is mutter if
• 15:40
  it's Tfila, there's no that you know, that same concept from
• 15:44
  Mokhasa Vadazara does not apply. And you have those quotes.
• 15:50
  I mean they all quote a little bit.
• 15:51
  We see from Elisha the Navi Tanakhidav for Naaman, who from
• 15:59
  who from getting surround and you was not was not necessarily
• 16:04
  good for the Jewish people. And he wasn't that Sadiq.
• 16:06
  He wasn't Jewish. I think he was not Jewish,
• 16:09
  right, He was. He was the neighboring Kingdom.
• 16:14
  You forget exactly from which anyway, this coming weeks after
• 16:18
  that's makes sense. I forget exactly where he's
• 16:21
  from, but you see Dawin's for him as well.
• 16:24
  We see David and Malik Dawin for Absalom after he died, that he
• 16:28
  should be saved from a Gahannon right, and he Absalom tried to
• 16:32
  kill David. That's you can see toast for
• 16:34
  Soto Yud Baez as we know from the Gomarin Khagiga Tedwav, the
• 16:40
  Rabi mayor Davin for Alicia Benavua, his Rabi and so too who
• 16:46
  is called for the Ikar and right paradigm heretic and also Rabi
• 16:50
  Yokanam. In fact, it was interesting that
• 16:56
  apparently right, the Bosco came out, Alicia Benavua is not going
• 17:00
  to get or after he's not going to get Olamava right because he
• 17:03
  was called for a Becker. So whatever we may or say, he
• 17:06
  says when I die, I'm going to dog in for him and that he
• 17:11
  should get both Gahannon and Ola Mahavan because you need to get
• 17:15
  cleanse before you can enter Olamaba Ergon Aiden.
• 17:19
  So he wanted so he needed both. But why should you lose that
• 17:21
  both, right? I'm asking him to say, since you
• 17:24
  know you should lose both because so they said no, no, no,
• 17:27
  let him get. So when he died after he when he
• 17:30
  was in shaman, after he died, he was able to put him in to get
• 17:34
  him. And so he saw the Hashan, the
• 17:37
  smoke come from his Kevar for years until Ravi Yokanan right
• 17:42
  before when Ravi Yokanan said when I die, I'm going to finish
• 17:46
  the Gahanan process when he and right all this is happening in
• 17:50
  Shamaya and I'm going to get move him from Gahanan into
• 17:54
  Olumhabam. And so when Yorvi Yokananan
• 17:56
  died, then the Ish, the Hashanah smoke stopped, emitted from the
• 18:04
  stopped coming from the cavern of Akan.
• 18:08
  So you see that even for these people, we, we do that one for
• 18:13
  them. They were.
• 18:14
  They're Jewish. They were Jewish, but it doesn't
• 18:17
  matter. They're every they'll point out
• 18:20
  that there's everyone has an Oshama, everyone has Pit, Salim,
• 18:23
  Eloquim, Medina, Kara Seto. Also the issue is Eva Dharke
• 18:28
  Shalom and Kira Shasham. So some also point out in
• 18:32
  particular like that's the case by Alicia by Nauman.
• 18:35
  It was a kid Hashem. So maybe that's why it was OK.
• 18:37
  But all these cases especially if they ask you so anyways, but
• 18:43
  and certainly also to say Kadesh after they they pass on fine
• 18:47
  that's enough on that right right.
• 18:57
  OK, another topic sounds a code. So when I'm making a all right,
• 19:05
  we're finishing here. When a person makes a house has
• 19:09
  a breast for his child. So who does he make as Sandak?
• 19:13
  So the the Minak by Ashkenazim is who gets it first.
• 19:16
  And that's the key of cubit of the aim.
• 19:18
  And it's a little bit problematic to go against the,
• 19:21
  the, the, the the do I mean hug because then parents get
• 19:27
  insulted. So but what's the Minaka
• 19:30
  Ashkenazim is you go by the the mother side first, the father
• 19:36
  who gets to hold the baby, It's the grandfather, the mother, the
• 19:41
  grandfather of the baby. So it's the mother's father gets
• 19:45
  the first one and then comes the father and you'll be Omar quotes
• 19:50
  of Haim Pallaji based on a midrash where this comes from,
• 19:54
  he says because it says Quitasria by a by a woman.
• 19:59
  What's this Quitasria and then Vial de Zahar?
• 20:02
  And and and you know that if a woman is Mazria, Josh, if she I
• 20:08
  don't know Mazria first the Kumar says that.
• 20:11
  So then that's a schooler for having an hour.
• 20:14
  That's when a boy is is giving birth.
• 20:17
  So therefore you see that the mother was more.
• 20:22
  I mean, it depends how you want to learn the Kumar.
• 20:23
  But who's more? But whatever you see that the
• 20:26
  mother has a little more Co-op and making the boy so therefore
• 20:31
  she gets the first dibs on on on the sandek Sande Carlos.
• 20:35
  So that's that's anyways the yeah, it may expire them.
• 20:41
  It's for sure you go after the father.
• 20:43
  It's Father, He. Was the kind of Elijah was
• 20:45
  justifying the Ashkenazi? Correct, Correct.
• 20:48
  Correct. No.
• 20:49
  Now who's out of her first is allowed to be Mochal, but one
• 20:52
  should consult them first. I'll just share an interesting
• 20:56
  story of mine SO. If you have an Ashkenazi father
• 20:59
  and a Spartic mother. So generally mean I can go after
• 21:03
  the the father side. So they should do whatever the
• 21:06
  the father's origin is from. So I, so I could just share you
• 21:11
  with me. So I'm so I my father's father
• 21:14
  is from Iraq. My mother is Ashkenazi, but from
• 21:17
  Hungary area. But anyways, so I'm all of a of
• 21:20
  a mix, but technically I would generally follow the this
• 21:24
  verdict Minhagam and so and then my my wife is a complete
• 21:30
  Ashkenazi. So we have so hours ago.
• 21:33
  So it should really follow the husband's side.
• 21:35
  General Minhagam, like I'm allowed to have rice on paysaf.
• 21:39
  Usually we don't because we have Ashkenazi in the house.
• 21:42
  So we usually, you know, keep like anyways, I know no, usually
• 21:50
  no kidney yes and no rice. It depends on the year.
• 21:52
  But anyways, the so anyway, so who should follow?
• 21:56
  But I mean, the father goes first.
• 21:58
  Now I'm not saying I did right or wrong, but an interesting
• 22:01
  story was was it we chose to have my grandfather go first,
• 22:09
  who was actually from my mother's side.
• 22:13
  So my mother's father, my father's father wasn't alive and
• 22:17
  my and I was close with my mother's, my grandfather, my
• 22:22
  Zeidi, my mother's father. So we chose to make him first.
• 22:27
  And my father was Mocho. I'm fine.
• 22:30
  So a sound look, we're talking about my son's, my first son's
• 22:36
  name. We're going to get to that soon.
• 22:38
  So we named him sort of after my father.
• 22:41
  It was actually after my father's father, but OK.
• 22:44
  But right now we're talking about Sondek.
• 22:46
  Maybe I don't know if we'll get to the we'll finish with the
• 22:48
  name tomorrow. It looks like I'll get the names
• 22:50
  and then we'll finish the Simon, but with our edition.
• 22:53
  So just So what happened? So my father, so I, my anxiety
• 22:57
  was the first son and the the problem came up.
• 23:00
  This wasn't discussed when we chose who's going to be the
• 23:02
  first Sondek because what happens when the second boy
• 23:06
  comes along? So then it was it was clear that
• 23:11
  both fathers wanted to be the Sandak one side.
• 23:17
  So one's argument was, well, my my father for sure deserved the
• 23:22
  first right over everybody. And he was never mocha from my
• 23:29
  my father-in-law. So if you're judging the parents
• 23:33
  and grandparents alone on their own, right, it's clear who comes
• 23:37
  first, My father, then my father-in-law, and then his
• 23:42
  idea. But since this idea went first,
• 23:45
  if you're just looking at them, certainly my father should go
• 23:48
  next because he's in line. However, if you look at it based
• 23:53
  on, well, you know, take turns first you go, the father gets to
• 23:58
  choose one and then the mother gets to choose one.
• 24:01
  So the first my anxiety came from my side.
• 24:05
  So if you're looking just at the parents of the baby, should that
• 24:09
  come? Should that come first?
• 24:12
  So anyways, I don't know, but believe it not, it was not a big
• 24:17
  fight, but the the loser wasn't so happy and and and the winner
• 24:21
  was. But we'll see tomorrow if I
• 24:25
  reveal who was the sondek.