Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 2 - Episode 325 - Expectations and disappointments

Transcript

Season 2 - Episode 325 - Expectations and disappointments · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the Good Morning From the Chicken Coop Podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermind set
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  coach. Filled with inspiration,
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  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
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  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
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  of yourself you could ever imagine.
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  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
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  her chicken coop along with all her chickens.
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  Hey everybody, good morning from the chicken coop.
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  So today we are talking about expectations and
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  disappointments. Boy oh boy, they are everywhere
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  around us, disappointments happen because of missed
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  expectations. There's an old phrase that says
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  the road to disappointment is paved with missed expectations,
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  and that is so true. And we have expectations,
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  constantly conscious or unconscious.
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  We have them. They can be implicit thoughts,
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  explicit thoughts, but we have them all the time.
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  And if you think you are void of expectations, you are silly
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  because we all have them and you are flat out basically wrong.
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  We want to say, oh, I didn't have any expectations, but the
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  truth is, underneath we did. And that's where we have pain
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  show up because we had an expectation and we either chose
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  not to share it with people, chose not to focus our attention
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  on making it happen. Whatever it is, we have these
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  expectations and then it blows up in our face.
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  Now one of the interesting ones that happens is when we put it
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  on other people. So often we have expectations of
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  how another person is going to show up and.
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  We don't always tell them because we want to see how
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  they're going to show up. And then when they don't show up
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  the way we want them to, we are disappointed.
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  So is that actually fair? Well, not really fair because if
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  they didn't know, then they didn't know.
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  And how could they meet the expectation?
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  And you're asking them to show up in a way that they may not
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  even have the skill set to show up.
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  They may not even know how to do this.
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  They may have never, you know, been taught.
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  It's interesting because lots of times.
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  Especially women. We have this thing where we
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  think people men, Let's be very clear talking about men.
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  Women often have a tendency to think men will be able to figure
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  out what they want, and we want them to do that.
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  Let's be very clear, I'm a committer of this as well, and
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  they just don't. And we think, God, why can't
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  they just get it? Why can't they just understand
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  what I'm looking for? Why can't they just show up that
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  way? Well, it's partly because
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  they're just hardwired differently, and it's partly
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  because they perceive the world differently.
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  And it's also because we don't necessarily come right out and
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  say it. Now, I first want to admit there
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  are times when I will say exactly what I need to my
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  husband, and he does nothing about it.
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  And we all sit there dumbfounded because we're like, how could
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  this possibly be? And I coach a lot of women, and
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  a lot of women say the same thing to me.
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  And it's like, just miss it, don't even pay attention to it.
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  And I think that part of the challenge that you have in that
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  moment is how to approach it. Because once the missed
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  expectation happens, we go into a place of reaction, sadness,
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  whatever it might be. And all of a sudden our partners
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  are, you know, on the other side of that.
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  And they don't even really understand what happened
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  because, well. Did we actually say this was a
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  big deal? Did we actually say, I'm going
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  to care about this? Did we actually give them
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  information? And somebody on here might be
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  thinking right now, well, why should I have to?
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  If I've already said it, why should I have to say it's a big
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  deal? And you might be right, You
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  might actually be right. Why should you have to say it?
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  But the truth is, if you want the outcome, you're probably
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  going to have to express the level at which you want that
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  outcome to take place, because that's.
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  That's how we we have to interpret somebody else's
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  position and where they are. That's their model of the world
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  up against our model of the world, and they're running into
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  each other and they're not necessarily going to do well.
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  When worlds collide, it doesn't always do well.
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  Sometimes it's fantastic and it makes something you know
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  exponentially better than what you had, but often.
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  What happens is just becoming more and more torn up by the
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  fact that the expectations were not met and then the
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  disappointment start to stack it.
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  Before you know it, you blow your top.
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  So how you handle it right from the very beginning is where the
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  the power you have to decide how you want to handle things from
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  the very beginning. Often times it's sitting down
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  with your person and saying hey, I, I, we are going into this.
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  You know, frame at time of year where there are lots of things
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  happening and I have these expectations that I realized and
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  I'd like to communicate them to you so that we can both talk
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  about it and figure out the best way to handle those
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  expectations. And I know it seems arduous to
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  have to do that in certain cases, but the truth is it then
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  you at least have a fair opportunity for the other person
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  to respond. So do yourself a favor, don't
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  drive straight to the town of disappointment.
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  Please handle the expectations up front with your people and
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  hopefully you will be able to circumvent that.
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  OK my friends, I will see you tomorrow.
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  Bye.