Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #245 Security Would Like To See You At Reception!

Transcript

#245 Security Would Like To See You At Reception! · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I got shamed by Laura.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Who doesn't get shamed by their wife?
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Jesus Christ.
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: Go on.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 0:07
  Speaker 4: I farted in front of her and the kids to
• 0:11
  Speaker 4: make Macy.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Feel a bit better because she farted and she was
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: a bit embarrassed about it. And April just shamed me.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: What did she say?
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: She was like, oh, I wouldn't have sex ever again. Granted,
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: I did poo myself a little bit, but we spoke
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: about that the other day.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Is she wrong for saying that?
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: I honestly, I went full victim too. I was like,
• 0:29
  Speaker 4: how dare you shame me in front of my kids?
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: It's just air and a bit of poo.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Laura shamed you.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Hang on, I'll tell you after the intro. Okay. Welcome
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: back to Two Doting Dads. I am Matty J.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: And I'm Ash.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: the good, it is the bad.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: And the relatable.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: And we don't give advice. You know, Laura said to me,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: how many episodes do you record on the Tuesday when
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: you're with Ash? And I said, two.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Dickie's like, none of your fucking business. Stick out. Don't
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: look at our podcast. Why? Was she trying to like
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: humbly brag? Oh, well, we do three.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, she's like, you're there all day. I'll get
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: two episodes done.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: There's only three of us. You've got a whole fucking
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: production team.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, actually, we stole one of her. Lockie, welcome back.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Sitting in the seat of Vic, who is right now,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I'm sure, enjoying a cocktail.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: She's still looking for her camera.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Still looking for her camera. Sorry, Vic. Don't mean to
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: laugh at your misfortune. Her expensive camera as well. She
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: better not have lost that fucking bag we gave her.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: If she lost that bag.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Don't bother coming back. No. Her holiday does look great. Yeah,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Laura just said that. She thought it was, you know,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: funny that we don't do that much, but we take
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: a full day.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's got to be organic. It's got to
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: happen naturally without it being forced. And then he said.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: What's your next line?
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: The kids are doing my head in. Well, it doesn't
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: help that we've now got the sim, the racing sim
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: set up.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I don't know what you're talking about.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Vic did have a desk where she would work from.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Did. Did.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: That's turned into, there's been like a seat, a folded
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: up seat. And I was like, what is that? It's
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: a sim racing seat and that's now fully set up.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: It's my to-go sim. Yeah. Take it with me everywhere.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: It's portable.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: It feels very much. In here, studio, this is where
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: we do the business. Outside, the other side of the curtain,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: that's where we do like the bachelor parties.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: That's where all the man cave parties happen. We're about
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: to start cockfighting out there.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Just us eating barn me's on the floor.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Literally we had lunch on the floor and then we
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: were like, sim chair? Why not? Cut a few laps.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: It's nice. It's nice.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: School is officially all the way back as of right now.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Well done. Well done, everyone.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: We made it.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: We did it.
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: I know Monday we jumped the gun a little bit.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Got a bit excited.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Well, Queensland's back. I think no one cares about them.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: For a second I got to close my eyes and
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: I was back home.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Homer! That's exactly what they sound like.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: All of them.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: You all sound the same. It's because you're all brothers
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: and sisters.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Guilty. But everyone now, as a whole, collectively, the country, normality...
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: has returned.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: 10 more weeks and yeah let's start again is it
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: 10 weeks this time i think that they shouldn't have
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: a winter break i think they should run through until
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: winter actually the day it ends is like when the
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: kids get a break because it sucks man it's cold
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: there's nothing to fucking do as soon as there's a
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: little bit of weather it's.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Like oh for fuck's sake what was the best thing
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: you did over the holidays i.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Did nothing do you know why i did nothing why
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Everyone has been sick.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what's going on?
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Honestly, no one left the house for eight days. We
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: were quarantined.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: What did you have?
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Good question.
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: Well, April was the sacrificial lamb for the testing, so
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: we had her tested for a bunch of things.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: Nothing.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: What do you mean?
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: She just had, they were like, no, there's nothing wrong
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: with it.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: The flu?
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: Just must have been, I think she had a couple
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: of viral things and then.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: It must have been some virus to take her down.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Bro, she's still not okay.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: I mean, we did speak about it the other day.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: I was at your house. How's it going with the gym,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: the lack of? None.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: It's not happening. And that seems to be the saddest bit, apparently.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: Because I had been telling her for fucking weeks because
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: she hasn't been well. Like, you know, it's like hanging around.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: You're a bit the same. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: You! You're all the same.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: You're all the same, you point ladders.
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: Where you are a bit crook, but you power through.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: But you seem to get, you don't go to the
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: gym as much, so you actually give yourself time to recover.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: I taper off.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I taper off.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: April, no. And I was like. stop going to the
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: gym every day, just every second day, just to give
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: yourself a chance. And she was like, if I'm well,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: I'm going to the gym.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: I'm going to push those weights.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Anyway, a couple of weeks back, she gets home from
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: the gym on a Monday morning and goes, I shouldn't
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: have gone. And she laid down and that was.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: The end of it.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: And I could have easily done what anyone would do.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: It's how I told you so. But what did you do?
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I zipped my mouth because I know it's good for me.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: You just sat there.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: I just sat there and I just picked up the load,
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: put the whole family on my shoulder for eight days straight. Wow.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: And did you get sick?
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Nah.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: I was sick the week before, but I went and
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: got an IV. I stopped training. I rested. I went
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: to bed early. I stopped jerking off.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: That is serious.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: He's speechless.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: It's like the buponic. Buponic? Buponic.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: What is a buponic?
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: The Black Plague. You know, there were certain people.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: That was a combination between something else and tectonic. Tectonic.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: The tectonic plagues.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: It was when the medieval times, when the Black Plague
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: came through and there were certain individuals, Ash, who were
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: immune to the Black Plague and they were then responsible
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: for looking after the town.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: That was me.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: You were that person.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: I was.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Everyone's like, help me. They're just cooking and cleaning.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: Doing it all and working you guys were all away
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: so i'm just like holding the fort wow thankfully like
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: it was school holidays and a lot of parents who
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: work in corporate and stuff have a week off or
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: a few days off so it wasn't overly busy and.
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: Via email but it was just like a couple kids
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: moping around like you know what they're like like like
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: i've never seen oscar literally like i don't want to
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: do You know what he's like.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: He's a kelpie. You can't fucking stop him.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: You'd be like, who wants to climb Everest? He'd be like,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I'll do it.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: I'll do it, but, you know, let me just climb
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: this mountain first and then I'll do that one. And
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: then the one day they started to feel a bit
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: better between the two of them.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: April was like, everyone do push-ups.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: April was still in bed. I'm in charge.
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: I was like, hey, it was a rainy day but
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: with patches of sunlight.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I'm a weatherman now. And there was a low pressure system.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Max temperature of?
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: I think it was 16.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's cold.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah. But the sun came out. It was nice.
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: I was like, hey, whip your shoes on. Let's get
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: out for a quick scooter. Just a quick one while
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: the sun's out. Just to burn a bit of energy.
• 7:04
  Speaker 4: You're still sick.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Come back. Get warm again. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: then they're teasing. Oh, no. Oscar was being a turd.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: That's right. And I walked out and I said, hey,
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: you've been crook as a dog for days. Mm-hmm.
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: You do not have any right to now be a
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: little shit about that you're bored and being shit about
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: whatever because I've had to fucking look after you and
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: everyone else.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: I said, hey, don't go near your sister. Don't tease
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: each other. Let's just get dressed and go. I'm like, sweet.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: They're like, yes, dad. I was like, hopefully they'll listen.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Of course they fucking didn't. I went into the bedroom
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: and I hear a commotion. I put my pants on.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: I've got one leg on. I'm coming out, hopping out.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: It's good of you to get dressed.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: Thank you. I've come around the corner. Well, I've been warned.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: I come around the corner and I've caught it just
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: as Macy's cocked her arm back like that.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: To hit.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: And fucking walloped him across the fucking back of the head.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Macy walloped him. Little Macy. Yeah. Little Macy.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: She's so quiet. She's got his violence. That's how she speaks.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: She's just like, boom.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I would never imagine that. She's such a sweet, innocent
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: little thing.
• 8:04
  Speaker 5: She is.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: And she just, every now and then. Mate, I saw red.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: I was like, especially after I said, hey, I did
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: say in the warning that I'm going to yell at
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: you and I'm going to yell like you've never heard
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: me yell before. So don't tease each other. Just get dressed.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, of course, this happened. Mate.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: What was your go-to phrase?
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: I was like, I can't really remember it. I was like,
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: are you fucking– I was like full loud, like as
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: loud as I could possibly can. The neighbours would have
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: heard it. Fucking two suburbs over would have heard it.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I actually was in Bali and I was like, Ash?
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you did it.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I was like, babe, did you hear that? I'm not
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: going crazy. I think I just heard Ash.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: And then I stormed out.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: I left.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: I was like, I'm fucking going.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Was April like, oh, fuck. All right, I'm coming.
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: I walked them to their room and I was like,
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: get in your beds. I said, you're going to find
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: out what prison's like today.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Go to sleep.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: I literally said, do not leave this bed. Do not
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: leave it. You are not to leave. No fun. Pretty much.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: And I left and came back.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Did you just go for a scooter by yourself?
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: No, I got in the car, went and got a haircut.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: I just did something for me to try and just relax.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Do you know what? Can I just say, as a man,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: one of the little moments that's quite nice is getting
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: a haircut.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Because you get bitchy about everyone and it's like a
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: safe space.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: And also you look good afterwards.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Well, I do.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: I ain't questioning that.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: Anyway, I get home.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: No kids.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: Where are they?
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Where are they?
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: They've gone off to Popper's. And April's like, look. It's
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: not a reward to them, it's more of a break
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: for you. And I was like, oh, thank you.
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: And I was so tired because I'd had kids in
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: my bed for six days. I had barely slept because
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: they were kicking me.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: In the back. And then when they came home, Barb,
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: which is Frank's partner, was like, I heard the kids
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: got in trouble. So they've obviously gone over there and
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: been like, Dad, he's really angry with us. He made
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: us lay in bed. We couldn't move for days. They
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: walked in. sheepishly.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Don't worry, here's chocolate milk.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, here's like his chocolate milk. Here's three iPads, whatever
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: you want to do.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: You're safe here now, kids. Relax.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: You're safe. I would never raise my voice. Fuck. That
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: is proper. Anyway, I was like they walked in the
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: door sheepishly. And they're like, oh, you know, sorry, Dad, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, fuck. But, like, it was just, like,
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: at the point where I'm like.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: But it is kind of nice when the kids realize
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: they've done something wrong.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but for two seconds. And then they're, like, back
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: at it.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but still, even though just that brief, like, Lola
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: is not a morning person. She'll often say to me,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I'll be like, morning, bubba. And she's like, I hate you.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: It's normally how she welcomes me. And I'm like, that
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: hurts my feelings. And I leave and I don't give
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: her like a nice goodbye. But then when I pick
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: her up, she's like, hey, just, you know. About that. Yeah.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: Look. I was being a bit of a dick this morning.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: I got to say sorry. Yeah. I just woke up
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, that's all right. We're cool. We're cool.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: They just do my fucking thing.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: You have a note here because we are in housekeeping.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: We have a note here. You said car seats.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: Oh, yes. Because both Marley and Oscar are there five
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: days apart in birthdays. Same year. Mm-hmm. Five days apart.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: And seven now. So seven or height allows.
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: You to be with or without car seat slash booster.
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: So I want to know where Marley's at, what she's
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: sitting on.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: We've got the two cars and we've got like, it's
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: a bit of a smorgasbord of seats. Sometimes Marley's in- Fuck,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I've got so many seats at home.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: What the fuck? I know.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I'm like, where the fuck do these seats come from? Also, like,
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm not sure what the ruling is.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: So it depends on also Marley and Lola are always
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: fighting over seats.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So it's like for them to be out of
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: a booster, like on nothing, is I think seven is
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: the age, but it's 145 centimeters. That's in New South Wales.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Copy that.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: And I could have made that up. But I'm pretty
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: sure I read that.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: She'll sit in the middle, but it's so annoying.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: In the middle?
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: In the middle because I've got Poppy in her little
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: rear facing. I can't remember these fucking kids' names.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I got Mel, Beryl, Shazza, Greg, Tom, Dick and Harry.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Fucking hell.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: The Maddie Bunch.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: I always called Poppy Lola.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: That's dyslexia. That's what that is. So my mum is
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: so bad.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: You mean I've got more problems than I can be
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: a victim of?
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, probably. I think we all do in some aspect.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: It's a spectrum.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're on it somewhere. But, yeah, my mum would
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: be like, Wayne, Beth, Ash. Like she'll go through all
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: the names and it's the dog that did the wrong thing.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: LAUGHTER To what were we saying?
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: The car seat. Where is she at? She's in the
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: middle in a booster.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: It depends on what kind of mood I'm in. What car,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: what day of the week. Sometimes I put it on
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: the roof racks.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's the dream. I've got that box on top
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: of my car. What do you think is in there? Oh, shit,
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: I better let him out.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm just moving the car because actually I've got
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: a fucking parking fine for parking in the driveway.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: Of your house?
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Bring him up and say, this is my fucking house.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: You were across the footpath.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Across the footpath, yeah.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Let's dig it up.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: So I had to like move the car into the
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: street and then Marley was like, can I come with you?
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, sure, just sit in the
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: front because I'm only going like 50 metres. So before
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: you come for me and tell docs, we drove like
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: 10 metres on the road.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Oscar turned seven and the first thing he said was like,
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: no more cars there.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Out of here.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go into
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: a booster.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: He's like, give me the keys.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, go into a booster.
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: But I was moving the car from the visitors to
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: the garage at our place, which is, again, it's like
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: a 100-meter loop.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: And I was like, hey, how do you feel about
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: sitting in the front? He was like. I was nearly like,
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: that's your birthday present? But I thought, nah.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Give something more. You know what they love? I guess
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: it's anything different. The front seat or we've got the
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: seven seat.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: The seven seat in the back. They're weird creatures, these kids,
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: aren't they?
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: But then it's so fucking annoying. You're going to get
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: only fit two in the back. So you've got three kids.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I do gymnastics pickup. Always one kid misses out. I'm like,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: shut up.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: I know. So Oscar was like, get in. In you get.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: puts his seatbelt on, the top strap covers his whole
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: face because he's tiny. And he's just like, mate, the
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: look on his face was like.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: This is heaven.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: This is sick.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: And then you're like, get back in your bed.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, get back in your room.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Don't say a thing.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Just quickly, I was notified by the doters on the
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Facebook group that one of us received a shout out
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: on another parenting podcast.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: What did they say about you?
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: Beyond the bump.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: Not me.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Oh!
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: Not me.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Except for those of you who may not have listened
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: to the previous episodes, I received a shout out on
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: the Mamma Mia podcast, except they were like, ah, what's
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: his name? Couldn't get my name right.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: Frankie J. Yeah.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: So that theme has continued here.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: For me or for you?
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Have a listen to this. They're talking about your sobriety journey,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: which is, I think, fantastic, knowing that your story is
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: helping other people out there, but this is what they
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: said about yourself.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: As someone who never thought they had an issue with
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: it where you go, oh, this actually did have more
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: of a control over my life than I thought. And
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: I actually heard Jamie from Two Doting Dads podcast and
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: also Hannah who we spoke to about her addiction.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: Know that much about Jamie.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: The way I.
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: Saw the snippet, it sounded like, He had had trouble
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: with alcohol and he stopped drinking.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: Jamie! Jamie! Look, it happens all the time because of
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: jam pikelets, right? People think it's Jamie. And I don't even,
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: I don't correct anyone.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: You do look like a Jamie.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Thank you. People will yell out to me like, Jamie!
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: What's up? I just can't, honestly, I don't care. You
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: can call me fuckhead. I don't care. All right.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: And you'll still be like, hello.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: I'll be like, hello, love you, bye. I see it
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: because people, sometimes people are like, hey, what's your real name?
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Who are you?
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: I've stopped correcting people.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: It was a nice shout-out, though.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: It was. The thought was there.
• 15:36
  Speaker 5: The thought was there, but unfortunately the execution.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Good intention. So beyond the bump. Thank you.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: But it's Ash.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: It's Ash.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: It's Ash.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Clearly.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Hey, Ash, we did an episode last week about periods,
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: and I want to just say really quickly. Got some
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: lovely messages. I got a few messages from people being like,
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: you're a fucking idiot. How are you a man of
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: your age, almost 40 with three girls? And how do
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: you not know about this stuff? I just think, and
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: I said it on stories, but I'm like, if your
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: response to someone trying to understand a topic that they
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: don't know about is like, how the fuck do you
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: not know that? What does that do to encourage anyone
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: from wanting to understand? men will just be like oh
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: god i'm standing well away from that i'm going anywhere
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: near that conversation.
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: And who else are you cutting down while they're trying
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: to better themselves but off the.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: Back of that store the stories where i was like
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: i'm getting some bad feedback a lot of doters reached
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: out and they were like.
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: Actually i didn't know anything about periods i feel like
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: those comments think that you know knew absolutely nothing guilty
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: right which is not true because you know there's a
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: cycle you know the basics of it all but if
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: we're not educated at Like how do you think we
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: find this shit out, we get someone on, and then
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: we also– so essentially we've.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Done a community service.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: But also I blame Laura for this. You know, Laura
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: didn't teach me anything.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: Well, what's she supposed to– she's not your mum.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: No, no, I was going to say Laura's period, thankfully,
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: is one that hasn't caused her a huge amount of issues, right?
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: And I know that some people, you know, with endometriosis,
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: it causes so much pain and it's such so much
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: discomfort that it makes sense for you and your partner
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: to understand what's going on. But also we felt pregnant
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: so easily that it wasn't something that we had to
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: learn about because it just didn't have that much of
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: an impact on our lives, which is, you know, I'm
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: just making excuses. Give a bit of context here.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: No, I think that's fair.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: Because one person was like, but your wife has a period. Like,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: how did you not know about your wife? And I
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: was like, I don't know what voice that was.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: Again, Nana.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: But I think those donors who then reached out and
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: were like, Thank you for the episode.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it was just all educational. Why not?
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: Like for me, I think the only other than things
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: that I've learned online and maybe like same April, like
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: she doesn't struggle with it. Like some people really struggle
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: with it. And it's like such a heavy talking point
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: in the house because I remember I had a girlfriend
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: years ago, like late teens, and she would not be
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: able to walk for a week. She was just so bad.
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: So it's like people struggle out there with it and
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: they probably talk about it more. But like, it's so counterproductive.
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: And honestly, it says more about them than it does
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: about us.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Leaving a comment. them i think if you're not willing
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: to go hey boys yeah maybe you should know some
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: of this stuff but good on you because there's other
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: people also don't know this stuff that's an appropriate comment
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: not you're a fucking idiot there's plenty of things that
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: that person doesn't know about i guarantee you.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: So to the donors who reached out with some lovely
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: feedback thank you very much yes appreciate it oh ash
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: before we go into the main part of the episode
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: i was at your house recently and i noticed there's
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: a little a whiteboard oh with some scores.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Oscar's obsessed with ladders. And I mean ladders like
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: the rugby league ladder. Who's coming first?
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: Like a table.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: A table. A table.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Like a hierarchy. A pyramid scheme.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah. A ladder. A scoring system. L-A-D-D-E-R.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: So he's a painter.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: That's a ladder.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: That's awesome.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: That's awesome.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Damn it.
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so we play Uno every night before bed.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Every night?
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: Every night. We play three games with three cards each.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: So they're quick, easy. Macy wins majority of them, if
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: I'm honest.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: Because you're forfeiting or because she's good?
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: No.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: She's good.
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: She's a silent assassin. Really? Like she'll have a draw
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: four and it's her last card and she'll be like,
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: I don't want to use it yet. and pick up
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: like i can win when i want.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: To win but uh so you guys do it as
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: a family as a family yep that's bloody lovely so
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: you're gonna hug your mic then honestly thank you whose
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: idea was this i don't know i think we just
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: started playing and then it was like hey i think
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: maybe oscar was like how about instead of doing a
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: book we do uno and it just sort of flowed
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: on but the problem with that he's like and instead
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: of like a bit of milk a bit of whiskey
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: yeah and then instead of uno it's poker yeah yeah
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: and he's like and then maybe cigar maybe some meth
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: yeah that meth is moorish like card sharks.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah it's um it was it started off as like
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: oh yeah okay like and then the problem was kids
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: don't like to lose Fucking don't they?
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: They hate it. But the good thing about doing it
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: is we have a system. If you don't shake.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: Hands with everyone at the end of the thing and
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: you're not like, hey, I lost. You're allowed to be sad.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: It's fine. You're allowed to show your emotions about being sad.
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: But if you can't be a good sport about it,
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: you're suspended for the first game of the next night's rounds.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: And that worked a little bit.
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: Oscar missed out the other day and he went to
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: melt down about missing out on the first game. And
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: I was like, you miss out, you melt down again, bro.
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: You'll miss out on the next one.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: He was like, right. You're a referee with a card system.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah. But then it started to become.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Are you like doing like doping as well with the kids?
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: Remember? Performance enhancements.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You also spent it for six months?
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Macy needs to be tested. But we were still
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: getting the odd meltdown because Oscar the other night, he
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: won the first game dominantly, won the second game dominantly.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: And that pretty much you've won two of the three, right? Yeah.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: And we do second and third place as well. Anyway,
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: so he won and then Macy won the third one
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: and Oscar had a meltdown. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: But you've won more, bro.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And I was like, do you know what? And
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: I took his love of ladders and I made the
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Uno ladder. So it's like, okay, well, there's a number
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: of ways you get two points, one point, two points.
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: So it's really, and it's absolutely removed the meltdowns. So
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: what I do is we'll get to the end and
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: no matter who's won, who's come second or where we're
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: going to end, the kids hop into bed, April's doing
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: hot water bottles and I'm getting the whiteboard out and
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: I'm creating the ladder for the night. And then I
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: walk in there like a coach at the end of
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: the game and I'm like- You played good, kid. First
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: is Macy and we all clap Macy and then we
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: all go, okay, and second was this and, you know, good.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: Games, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and everyone's happy
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: and we all, you know, go to bed.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: You are like a proper coach.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: I'm working on it.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: When I found out you were doing that, I was like,
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: I like that. I want to use that in my family.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: And I was like, guys- We were playing Uno tonight.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: My kids were like, fuck off. And I was like, please,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: come on.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: Do it for me. This is for me, this one.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: We could be like the Wicks family. And they were like, nah.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: No, it wasn't for them.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: They wouldn't play it. I was like, well, fuck you guys.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: So did they play?
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: No. Can't get them.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: You all just started playing. Solitaire?
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: I was like, Laura?
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: It's good, man. I think you simplify it as much
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: as you can, obviously, with a four-year-old where you're like, colour, number.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Whoever invented Uno, well done.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: Color number, color number.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Well done. Oh, I've got some breaking news because obviously
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Vic is on holiday. Vic, once again, I hope you're
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: enjoying the cocktails in Vietnam. The headline is, I can't do.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: A newsreader voice. Give me a Ron Burgundy.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Men urged to ejaculate 21 times a month to cut
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: prostate cancer risk.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: My risk level is at an all-time low. And if
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: you do a double that, you increase the risk.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: A month?
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: That's nothing.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: 21 a month. What are your numbers? Don't tell me.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Keep that personal.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: Locky cover your ears.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: So data from a long-term health and lifestyle study assessing
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: more than 50,000 men since 1986. That's a fucking long study. Jesus,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: because this is written in April. Suggests that those who
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: ejaculate 21 or more times per month had a 19%
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: to 22% lower risk of prostate cancer than those who
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: came less. Wow. Okay.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: Can't lie, Wiz.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: So 21 is the benchmark. The scientist said, the broader
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: implication is that the more frequent ejaculation, it may offer
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: a greater potential benefit. There you go.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: So if ever.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: Do you have to keep up that sort of numbers
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: month in, month out?
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I think you do.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh, God. 21.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: I mean. Okay.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: All right. Give yourself an honest number. Oh, God. Okay.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: Over a month. Or do you want to do it
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: over a week and then you can multiply?
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: I reckon a month probably hitting around 15. Oh, you, no.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: 15? Yeah. That's fair.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Like I'm not, you know, I like my dessert, but
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: I want to have it every night.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: Oh, look, I reckon, yeah. I reckon.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Come on, spit it out.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: I couldn't put a number on it. 20? One?
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: 20. I would say 20.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: Like. I break it down per week. No, maybe not
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: that high. Now that I think about it. If you
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: break it down per week, it gives you a better indication.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: I would say 15 is a good number. 15 to 20.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: We need to up our game if we want to
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: survive this cancer stuff. It's like someone's just come out
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: and said, you've got to jerk off to save your
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: own life. That's pretty much what I've just said there.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: I'm like, what? Yes, sir.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: That's 1986. That's a bloody long time.
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and also, like, did it take them that long
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: to find 50,000 men to contribute?
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: But surely, like.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: Granddad's like, I knew this day was coming.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how often are they honestly giving accurate numbers?
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: Or are they just watching them every time? There's a
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: guy with a clipboard being like. And, sir, that's another
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: successful orgasm. Okay.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: That's breaking news.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: That's good news.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Breaking news. So to any dads out there, keep on.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Stay safe.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Clean those pipes out.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: And if she ever asks why you're doing it so much,
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: now you've got a reason.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: I don't want cancer.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: Facts.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: That's it. Did you ever ejaculate into a sock?
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Here we go.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: What's the worst place you've ever ejaculated? I'm so glad
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: Vic's not here. She's going to actually hate this. I like.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I can't think of anywhere like a sandwich.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: I went into a bin.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: That's fucking normal.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was an empty bin and the PSI, it
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: was a metal bin and it had a plastic bin bag.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: The PSI hit the bottom of the bin and went boing.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: What's with you and PSI?
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: It's one of my favourite things. Science. I like science.
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: There's two types of people I think this time of year.
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: There are family people like yourself and me. that go
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: to Bali and there's people like him, Lockie, who go
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: to Europe.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's one of those.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: Euro summer, Bali summer.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: I don't think Europe, that's not going to happen anymore.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: That'll be a retirement trip.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: I'm not interested.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Six hours with the kids on a flight was long enough.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but also like when we went to Europe, like
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: I said before, it's like a big museum.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: When were you there last?
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: It's like don't touch anything. Don't take a photo of that.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Stop ejaculating on that.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Stop coming on the Vatican.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: That's how they would have wanted it.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: I can't do anything in this country. I can't do
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: anything in this country. I'm trying to jerk off on
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: a monument.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: April, back your shit up and go home.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: I'm just in Rome with that big. People are tossing
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: coins in and I'm just. Oh, God. Anyway, Bali.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: It was a great place. Very different. Very different to
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: how we used to do Bali. We've been going there
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: a little while because Laura would get her jewelry made
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: over there. So we'd do a July trip. And we've
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: been going, like one of the first trips when we
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: first got together was to Bali. And back then, you know,
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: we'd stay in the villa. And I remember being like, oh,
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: we could find this waterfall. It's like an hour moped drive.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: And she'd be like, fuck yeah, we'd do that. Now, nah. No,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: the only adventures that I want to go on are
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: like which pool does women in the resort?
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: It's just like realistically, if there's a pool where you're
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: at and the kids can spend all day in it,
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: that's all they need.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: Like I hate the idea of like we're going on
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: a family holiday. Actually, I went to Bali when I
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: was a kid with my parents. Yeah.
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: Best time around the pool.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: You can order stuff to eat. Like the Balinese didn't
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: give a fuck who was ordering it, whatever. Yeah. Great.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: We did one day tour. Hated it. Yeah. I was like,
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: this is fucking stupid. Even my parents were like, that
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: was such a fucking waste of time.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: What did you do? Oh, I don't know.
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: I went out to the rice fields, stimulated the economy
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: out there, and then we came back and it was like, honestly, all.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: I need, all the kids need. I know.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: They make it so easy. They know what they're doing
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: at these resorts.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: And it's just even like my kids, all right, you know,
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: I like to think that I was raising them in
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: a way where, you know, they're strong, independent, they're resilient.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: How's that going for you?
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: They are not. They are not. So we said in
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: two different places.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: It's hot.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: We're in Nusadur, the Conrad, great place.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: I really like Nusadur because it's quiet.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: It's quiet.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: Okay. So we were like, you know, obviously a lot
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: of time by the pool and we were like, but
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: you know what? There's like a parent child. You get
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: a massage in the same room. It's like a nice
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: little bonding session. They also get their nails done.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: Like a couple's massage, but for a parent.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: And I was like, that's explaining to Marley. I was
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: like this person. this person's about to touch you. It's okay.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: I'll be in the room with you because you're like
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: stranger danger.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Mixed messaging.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Really mixed messaging.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: It's a procedure though.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: But midway through, like I'm in the room, I like
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: look over and I'm like, Marley, are you enjoying this?
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: And she's like, oh, tell you what, I needed this.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: Stressful.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: This is what I needed.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: Stressful back at the office.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: She was like, after she was like, tell you what,
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Fill a million bucks after that.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: Same time tomorrow?
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Next day she's like, so we're getting a massage now?
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: This is our life now?
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: And I was like, they're fucking pretty expensive at the resort.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: And she's like, I could really like book in another one,
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: maybe like two o'clock after we have lunch.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: It's free, just add it on the room.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: Literally, I was like, fuck, I've created a monster.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Give my children who are seven and five. I was like,
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: should I get Poppy one?
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she's just like.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: Poppy's like, me.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: But it was.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Nice. You know, there's like you meet families by the pool,
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: met some lovely young families, made some good friendships.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: Impressed the residents of the hotel with my swimming underwater.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: You do love that little trick of where you're like,
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: that's like your whole holiday's goal is to swim underwater
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: across the whole length of the pool.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: I book resorts based on the pool length.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because there's some doozies out there that you should try.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: I think you should really give it a go. Give
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: it a nudge.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: Thank you. I would say the highlight of my year
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: so far.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: The Padma Resort pool.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: Looked clean too.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: Very clean.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: We've been over this before. Pissing in the pool in Bali. Tick.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: I think you're allowed to do it. Thumbs up.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: I think it's carry on. There's much worse things going
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: on in the world than a bit of piss.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, I do look at the bar, the swim
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: up bar.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: The water is warmer over there.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, there's like a group of dads. They're
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: not moving. And they're not moving.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm letting them go, man.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: They've been there in the pool for a good four
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: hours drinking beers. They're hitting the bintangs and none of
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: them have left the pool. Oh, man.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: I'll admit I wasn't a big pool pissy guy. But
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: since becoming a dad, it's fucking fair game, especially if
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: you're at the bar. I'm just swimming around in urine.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: Well, you're asking for it, right? If you're designing a
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: resort with the bar where you can sit in the
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: water with a stool that is built into the water.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: Then might as well put a urinal there.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: Like, fuck. Like, you know, at least put the bathroom
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: close by. Like if you put the bathroom over 50 metres.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: Right in front of me.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: There needs to just be like a nozzle that you
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: can like lock into.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: That also, no, never mind.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: And a lot of people message me and they're like,
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: they don't know what it's like travelling with a young child.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: And they're like, did Poppy get sick?
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So what was your... Like it's- Plan of attack.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: I think, look, if you're going over to Bali with
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: a child that's under 12 months, the fact of the
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: matter is you're just going to get them a bit sick.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: Unless they're breastfeeding because that's all they're having.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: No, but even if you give them a bath.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, see, this is where you've gone wrong. And I
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: told you this last time, what we did. We strictly
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: flannel wash at the end of the day in Bali, okay,
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: because of this, right? So the whole two weeks were
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: there last time.
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: The kids are in the pool, they're in the beach,
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: they're in- And then at the end of the day,
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: nice soapy flannel followed by like a nice warm wet
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: flannel into your jammies.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: Why the fuck didn't you tell me this before I
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: left for Bali? Why are you holding on to this information?
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: I told you. You could go back a few episodes.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: What episode?
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: What number? I don't know, like 180.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: I ain't going back that far. Yeah, you should.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: Everyone should. Anyway, and then we get home into a bath. Yes.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: And then I look over and Macy's sucking the water
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: out of the flannel. But that's at home.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, right.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: So I was like, see, dodged a bullet. Matrix.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: Well, Poppy, they had in the kids' pool at the Padma,
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: great resort also, they had that little ball, like a
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: ball pit, but they put it in the kids' pool.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: The next thing, she's just holding these balls and just
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: sucking them. She's taking in like a liter of pool water.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: I'm like.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, God.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, dude.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: She's had, luckily, the spitty bum came after, came after
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: the fact. So she come back and- She come back
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: and it's just like, just comes, PSI on it.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: The PSI, now I'm listening.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: Hits the nappy, comes out the back.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: I told you the last time I got Barley Billy
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: was secondhand Barley Billy, right?
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: That was when you had the, what happened again?
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: The four kids went to Barley, New Slimbongan. Me and
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: Mike were walking up, a friend of mine and Mike
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: were walking up to this bar for sunset he goes
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: oh feeling a bit crook i'm like okay guys i'm
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: gonna have to go back i'm like sweet i'll carry
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: on because we were meeting people met with them had
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: a drink or two with them and i better go
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: back it's getting late went back walked in i could
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: tell that mike had been unwell obviously and i was
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: like right sweet i'm just gonna go in i'm gonna
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: go brush my teeth have a shower whatever and go
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: to bed and i'm very diligent with not drinking the
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: water whatsoever anyway i brushed my teeth washed my mouth
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: with a bottle of water purchased a bottle of water
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: that was there on the sink or so i thought
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: very responsible walked out of the bathroom and mike goes
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: i wouldn't drink out of that water bottle that's on
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: the side of the sink i was like why not
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: he goes oh i filled it up with water from
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: the tap to wash down the spew on the floor
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: so and you left it there i'd had a big
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: swig oh god it was a waiting game what happened
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: i just waited and six hours and then it came
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: did it and i was fucked for like the rest
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: of the trip. It was so bad.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: Come on, Mike. You're better than that.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: I know. And he was fine the next day. And
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: then when I started to feel better, he was like,
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: come on, let's go for a surf, paddle out. Thought
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: I could slip a fart out. It was, no, just shit.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: So when we were going with the kids, I'm like, no,
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: they're not showering.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: They're not bathing.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: They're getting wiped down with the flannel.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: That's all you got?
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: Flannel with soap and stuff. You didn't give them a shower. Oh,
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: they had like, they would have showers, but like they
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: wouldn't put their head under because they were fucking, they
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: would drink it. They're so dumb.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they are dumb.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: Like they are so just like, don't drink that while
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: they're drinking it. Anyway.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: Speaking of dumb.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: What'd you do?
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: Well, just one day in particular, whilst we're at the resort,
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: Marley was being a little bit cheeky. Wasn't listening to me.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: They have a couple of security cameras. And so throughout
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: the day, she's not listening to me. She's been really cheeky.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: And I was like, you know what? I'm going to
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: prank her. I'm going to get her back.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: I'm all for that.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: So I look over. And she's at the security camera
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: that she's like, pulling faces too. And I was like,
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: don't do that because that's a bit rude. It's not
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: that rude, but I was just like, I just saw
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: a little opportunity. And I was like, yeah, you got
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: to take those. And I was like, you know, if
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: you're rude, if you're being rude to the camera, someone
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: is watching that and they may be upset. We might
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: get in trouble. And she's like, she's like, yeah. What
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: I quickly did was then get my phone. I set
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: an alarm for a minute. from what the current time was.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: So then as we were walking, I put my phone
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: on loud, the alarm goes off, and I go, hello. Yes,
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: we are walking back to the resort. I'm with Marley
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: right now, my daughter. Oh, you saw that on the camera.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: You'd like to speak to us in reception. And Marley
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: was like, yes. She was like, who's that?
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: The panic on her face, I can imagine it.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: It's my security. They've just called. And I was like,
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: we'll come to reception straight away. I'm so sorry.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: And then I was like, fucking yes, got her.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: And I was like, idiot.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: Next thing, Marley's hysterical.
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: She's like, oh, they all want to commit the crime.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: And when they come.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: Knocking and I'm like, come on, Marley. She's like, daddy, please.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: No.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: And these guests walking by as she's hysterical, like she's
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: about to be taken off to jail. And I was
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: about to tell her, then Laura comes over. She's like,
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: what's happened? And she's like, mommy, they've asked me to
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: come to reception. And she's like, what are you talking about?
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, look, yeah, you know. You're
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: being silly, Michael.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: This is what happened. I'm going to jail.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: And then I'm the fucking one getting in trouble now.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: Well, you did make her cry.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: I didn't know she was going to cry.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: Look, honestly, I think it's fair game.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: I had to scare some sense into her.
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: Life lessons are hard and they hurt.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: And that's one right there.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: She was like, daddy, why would you do that to me?
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: So how did you back out of it? You could
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: have played the hero kind of like, don't worry, Molly,
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: I'll take.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: Care of this for you. No, I was like, it
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: was just, it was a prank. It was a prank.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: All right. You had to come clean.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: And I was like, so then I was like, I'm
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: the worst dad ever.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, well, aren't I just the worst dad ever?
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: And that's all I had. That was like my draw four,
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: my Uno card.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, they got you. They got you. The tears always win.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: I always win.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: I do love playing tricks on my kids.
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: It's part of, it's those of you listening who don't
• 37:14
  Speaker 4: have kids, One of the best parts of parenting is
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: being able to do little tricks on them and shit
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: like that, I reckon.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: Speaking of tricks, the World Cup fever is upon us.
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: It has been for a few weeks now, but we're
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: coming to the pointy end and all the kids are
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: into it. I'm into it. Everyone's into it. So last
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: week we all went down to the soccer fields to
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: have a kick of the ball. So I'm talking me, April, Macy, Oscar,
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: my mate Benno's, His kid. Jesus.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: Who didn't come? Yeah, you.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: His kid, Cody. And then we also had Mike's kid
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: because Mike was at work. We took Lenny down there
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: as well. Anyway, we're down there kicking the ball. There's
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: soccer nets, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I saw
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: my mate in the goals. And I said, hey, I'm
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: going to launch one at you here. Okay. And I thought,
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: I'm going to launch one as hard as I can.
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: At this brick. And for those of you who may
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: have only recently joined us, Ash used to be a
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: semi-professional soccer player.
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: It's amateur. I was an amateur.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: For the Burley Bears?
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: No.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: Who was it?
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: There's a few teams. Should I list them all?
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: Name one of them.
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: Let's just go Tweed. Tweed, Benora, whatever.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, come on. Say it with a bit more gusto.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: Tweed. Tweed Heads. The Tweed Heads team.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Were they Seagulls?
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: No, they've changed now. They amalgamated. Anyway, that's not part
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: of the story. Part of the story is that I
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: saw Ben O's in the goal and I thought, I'm
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: going to launch one of these prick. As hard as
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: I fucking can. As you do, as men and mates,
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: you're like, I'm going to fucking hurt this guy.
• 38:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: So I lined it up.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: I was in my Lionel Messi jersey, the Argentinian one.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: So I was trying to show off a little bit.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: People love it when you wear that jersey on the podcast.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: Thank you. Thank you. I was trying to show off
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: a little bit. I got a little bit, you know,
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: I thought I'm going to launch one of these guys. Please. Anyway,
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: I've stepped up to the plate.
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: I've taken a few steps forward and I've dialed it
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: back to about 60%. Cause I thought if I hit
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: him with a hundred percent, it'll end his life. And
• 39:01
  Speaker 4: I've hit it at 60% and it's, it's gone perfectly
• 39:04
  Speaker 4: about hip height.
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: Looking beautiful. Just missed the inside post and right behind
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: it was poor Lenny.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: He's a kid.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: Lenny's six years old.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: And Lenny's been hit square in the face.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, God.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: He got wobbly legs. He went down like a sack
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: of fucking potatoes, if I'm going to be honest.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: That's a concussion.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: Anyway, I was like, oh, fuck. Anyway, so I ran over,
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: picked Lenny up, and I was like trying to make
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: it up to him.
• 39:30
  Speaker 5: As much as I could.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm such a bad parent.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: I'm the worst. April was like disappointed.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: When you make someone else's kid cry, fuck, it's awkward.
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: I fucking sconed him with it too. It was like
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: when it happened, I thought he's dead.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: I've killed him.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: I thought I've killed this kid. Anyway, he's come to.
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: And his fucking face is like big red soccer ball
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: mark on the side of it. And I've managed to
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: cheer him up and carry on. We carry on for
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: a while. And I was like, fuck, I feel so bad.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: And then I forgot. And then I get a message
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: at eight o'clock at night from Mike, his dad. saying,
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: do you have something to tell me? I was like, oh, fuck, sorry.
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: He goes, bro, Lenny's over here.
• 40:06
  Speaker 5: He's got a HIA. He can barely string a sentence together.
• 40:09
  Speaker 5: He was, fuck, the poor kid's got concussion. And he's like,
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: apparently he was like.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: You didn't send a message to make sure he's okay?
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: I forgot. Anyway, I was like, oh, fuck, I'm so bad.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: I felt so bad about it. I was like, fuck.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: And Mike was like, nah, it's fine.
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: Don't worry.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: He's just a bit woozy. And I was like, oh, fuck.
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: That's the last thing any kid wants after a big
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: day at school, go down to play soccer with Uncle
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: Ash and cop a fucking ball to the face. Anyway,
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: to smooth it over, I gave him 20 Pokemon cards.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: So I'm back in the good books.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: He can't walk anymore. He's lost vision and whatnot. And
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: you're like, have a couple of cards.
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: Have a ride. Actually, I picked them up to go
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: to the manly game this Sunday, just gone. And Lenny
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: gets up.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: And he's like.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he was like, you're here. And I was like, Lenny, look,
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: I'm really, really sorry. He was like, about what? So
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: he's fucking forgotten about it.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, great.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: No one's letting me live it down at home. They're like,
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: fuck me when you hit Lenny. Oscar was like, honestly,
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: you fucking hit Lenny really hard. Oh, my God.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: Anyway. You're a good dad.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: I think it's time to get out of here.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we should. We should.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: We should. And if you've enjoyed this episode, please leave
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: us a review, five stars, comment. I don't know. Leave
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: us a subscribe. Do anything. I don't know. Where else?
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: What else?
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: You can follow us on social media. We are at
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads on YouTube. Full episodes. There's YouTube Shorts.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: There's TikTok. There's a Facebook group. There's Instagram. I think
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: that's it.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: Is that all we got?
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: I think that's everything. Have I forgotten something? No, let's
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: get out of here.
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: Okay. If we've forgotten something, we'll get out of here.
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: Let us know.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: Let us know. Lucky, thanks for joining us.
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. And thanks for being here.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: We'll be back with Vic next week.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: Get out. Okay, bye. We pay our.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: Respects to their elders past and present and extend that
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.