Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / 29: do what's sustainable 🐌🐝🦋🌺

Transcript

29: do what's sustainable 🐌🐝🦋🌺 · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

• 0:00
  Hello, precious, and welcome back to my podcast. I am so happy to welcome you once more to the space
• 0:08
  And if it's the first time that you've been with us, I am very grateful to have your precious attention with me today
• 0:14
  So I want to say that this is for you if you are struggling to keep promises that you've been making to yourself
• 0:23
  And I want to invite you because we love an invitation because we can take it or leave it to
• 0:28
  reconsider the promises that you have been making. I really don't enjoy the feeling of breaking promises that I make to myself
• 0:36
  And I think what I've learned is that instead of being like why you're not meeting this promise?
• 0:40
  Why you're not meeting this promise is asking myself and inviting you to ask yourself
• 0:44
  What if it's the wrong promise?
• 0:46
  Hello sunshine, and welcome back to paradigm shift with I understood a place where we reframe what is and
• 0:53
  reimagine what could be I hope you enjoy today's episode. Let's paradigm shift together
• 1:00
  Hello my precious soul sibling. I am very excited to have you back with me today
• 1:05
  I wonder if you like being called that. I think we all have the things that we
• 1:08
  enjoy being referred to as and those that we simply do not so let me know what you think about soul siblings
• 1:14
  I think that's what we are you see me I see you we see each other okay
• 1:19
  Today I want to say that if you are struggling to keep the promises that you are making to yourself
• 1:25
  What if you made different promises today? I want to invite you into the idea of sustainability
• 1:32
  If you are calling in a new practice a craft a habit a routine a ritual that you've been struggling to stick to you
• 1:42
  Say to yourself. I really want a journal, but you're struggling to do your journaling
• 1:47
  You say to yourself. I really wish that I had a podcast
• 1:50
  But you're struggling to get started on your journey or keep going on your journey
• 1:54
  If you really feel like meditation is something that would really assist you
• 1:58
  But it just cannot get going on your journey. This is the episode for you
• 2:05
  I really like the idea of calling in a habit calling in a craft a practice a ritual
• 2:11
  And I especially love the idea of a practice because a practice is sustainable a practice is devotional
• 2:19
  A practice is not rooted in an outcome. It's almost a lifelong
• 2:22
  commitment to be on a specific journey or for as long as that journey serves you
• 2:27
  So things like a yoga practice a meditation practice. It says I have established a space
• 2:33
  For this in my daily life and it's a space that I view as sacred and that means a lot to me and that I'm willing to
• 2:41
  Sit with the discomfort in order to maintain and I love the idea of the process and focusing on the process
• 2:48
  The system rather than attaching to the outcome
• 2:51
  For me to pay in here that I feel most is I really don't enjoy the feeling of
• 2:56
  Breaking promises that I make to myself and I think what I've learned is that instead of being like
• 3:02
  Why you're not meeting this promise? Why you're not meeting this promise is asking myself and inviting you to ask yourself
• 3:08
  What if it's the wrong promise?
• 3:10
  What if there's a deeper truth that I actually cannot live up to this promise?
• 3:13
  It's not a kind promise. It's not a loving promise and there's a kinder and more loving way
• 3:18
  That I can choose to devote myself to this part that I've chosen or that I feel like has chosen me
• 3:24
  So if this is resonating with your spirit with your soul
• 3:27
  I cannot wait to get into some of the examples. I have a little analogy on friendship or making a new friend or new lover in your life
• 3:34
  I want to bring in some examples from nature and the wisdom of nature and sustainability and how that shows up
• 3:40
  And then I want to wrap up with some tactical advice on how you can take this invitation
• 3:45
  And if it speaks to you put it in practice in your life
• 3:48
  So where I want to begin is my relationship to doing what is sustainable and when I have failed to do that
• 3:56
  Because I think that's going to really ground you in why have I chosen to talk about this topic today
• 4:02
  So when I started my podcast I was not doing what was sustainable
• 4:06
  If you've been listening to this podcast from the beginning and first of all I love you
• 4:11
  You are so scrumptious and delicious and precious. Thank you for being truly like on this journey with me from day one
• 4:17
  But essentially you will notice a huge shift in my podcast since it started versus where it is now
• 4:24
  And in terms of my process the first couple of episodes like the ugliness of beauty part one and two
• 4:30
  I was typing every single word that I was saying on those podcasts and I was making them essays
• 4:37
  And I remember how stressful and how long it took me to write those essays
• 4:42
  And I was writing them were I was writing it then I was rewriting it
• 4:45
  It was on google docs and I remember it would get to like 10 pages
• 4:48
  And I was like this is going to be like a two hour episode
• 4:51
  And then I was like that's why it's going to be a whole journey part one part two part three part four
• 4:55
  And the main thing was not that there was anything necessarily wrong with that
• 4:59
  I mean, it's very loving and devotional to really try and bring your full
• 5:04
  Bring your full thinking to a podcast episode
• 5:06
  But the issue was it was not sustainable like it's great to be able to do something once
• 5:12
  But can you keep going? No, I couldn't hence why it took me so long to come out with part two
• 5:17
  I thought there was going to be like five parts. I literally was petrified
• 5:22
  Hermione Granger to keep going because it was so daunting
• 5:26
  And I started this podcast one year ago. She just turned one years old in September
• 5:31
  Is she a Virgo? I don't know
• 5:33
  I'll have to find out
• 5:34
  But basically when I started I had to stop for six months because I was not following a sustainable process
• 5:42
  A process that literally I the creator could sustain
• 5:45
  And I think what's really important to recognize is when you are the creator which you all are you or all creating something in your life
• 5:52
  You are creating relationships. You are creating projects or rituals. You are creating life in some way
• 5:59
  You have work that you do that you create when you are the creator
• 6:02
  Sometimes because you're so not used to being in that role
• 6:06
  You forget to prioritize yourself in the creation and prioritize your energy
• 6:11
  So as the creator the number one most precious resource in the entire ecosystem of what you create
• 6:19
  is your energy
• 6:21
  It is your energy that is going to determine whether or not you can continue
• 6:26
  You can even get started and your energy it does not exist in a vacuum if you have a stressful job
• 6:31
  Or you have no time or you're caretaking you are going to have less energy
• 6:35
  And so it's really important to be very gentle with yourself when you are not creating the creations of your dreams
• 6:41
  Why because the thing that you need most is energy another thing is
• 6:45
  Community money like there is many different resources
• 6:47
  But what I want to highlight in this conversation
• 6:50
  Is it so important to understand that your energy is so precious and it is so important when you we are creating in our spare time or whenever we create
• 7:01
  To not burn ourselves out on expectations that are literally unrealistic
• 7:08
  I love the dilulu is the salulu saying on tiktok. I love the idea of being delusional
• 7:12
  Like why not me why not us to get there stranger things have happened then
• 7:17
  Achieving your dreams or meeting the love of your life or whatever it is like whatever it is
• 7:21
  That you are feeling really energized by that's really calling in your erotic energy
• 7:26
  Stranger things have happened in that dilulu is the salulu but
• 7:30
  There's I think the wrong kind of delusional
• 7:33
  For example when you're telling yourself oh, I'm going to write morning pages every single day
• 7:39
  Yet you've never journaled ever in your life
• 7:42
  You've been telling yourself you would be writing writing morning pages for like three years and haven't started
• 7:47
  And so you're telling yourself the problem is the fact that you're not reaching the goal and I would say what if the problem is the goal
• 7:56
  What if you should have a more gentler and sustainable process at the center of how you approach your desire to journal
• 8:04
  So what if instead of saying to myself oh on my absolute best day
• 8:09
  I could write five pages. So that's what I'm going to aim to do every day
• 8:12
  I'm going to say oh no no no no no no on my day where I feel my least energized
• 8:17
  I think I could still write a paragraph okay, so that's what I'm going to do
• 8:21
  I'm going to prioritize what feels truly sustainable to me and I'm going to say I have to learn how to crawl
• 8:28
  Before I learn how to walk before I learn how to jog and actually maybe I decide the floor feels kind of luscious
• 8:34
  I'm just going to crawl
• 8:36
  All I need to do is crawl because that's better for me than staying still in this example
• 8:40
  So I would rather be a journalist for 30 years who writes one paragraph a day than someone who aims to do morning pages
• 8:47
  And feels really terrible and hard on herself for not doing it
• 8:51
  Because everyone on the internet is apparently having a great time writing morning pages every single day without fail
• 8:57
  So I'm going to hold myself to a gentler standard and obviously I'm not going to attach my worth my identity to the outcome of that
• 9:04
  But what I'm going to say is the most loving thing that I could do is say to myself
• 9:08
  I really really do feel cold to having a podcast for example
• 9:12
  And yet I keep telling myself I'm going to record an episode every single week
• 9:16
  And yet I've never even recorded an episode every month
• 9:20
  And yet I've never even used my voice note app to record an episode for myself
• 9:24
  You know what I mean? So what is the most gentle loving easy like ease
• 9:30
  Ease a sexy babe. Ease is stunning
• 9:33
  Softness and ease and just this luscious feeling of I've got this. This is under my feet
• 9:38
  This isn't a giant leap that I have to take that's over there. That's making me daunted and terrified
• 9:42
  This is something that I actually feel I really could do
• 9:46
  So how can you invite yourself into the most loving version of the ritual the practice the craft that you are calling into your life
• 9:55
  We say to ourselves
• 9:56
  I really want to be a journalist like I want a journal all the people in the interwebs are journaling
• 10:00
  I want a journal too
• 10:01
  So I'm going to buy the artist's way and I'm going to journal every single morning
• 10:05
  I'm going to do my morning pages for 12 weeks
• 10:07
  I'm going to do this exercise and then what I buy the book it stays with me. It stays with me
• 10:12
  It's terrifying me. It's so overwhelming to me. How am I going to do all the things that it's telling me to do
• 10:17
  And so then what do I do I do nothing I don't even plan to seed of
• 10:22
  journaling I don't say okay. I'll write a word. I'll say okay. What word is my vibe today
• 10:27
  Acceptance completion love grief
• 10:32
  Fear okay, that's a journal. I mean, I'm feeling I'm feeling like words were said and they moved people
• 10:38
  And the person was me that needed to be moved. So that's the point
• 10:42
  So all I'm trying to bring you into is rather focus on something that feels easy
• 10:48
  Something that even feels pleasurable you know
• 10:52
  I'm going to put on a piece of music every single day and for the duration of that song
• 10:56
  I'm going to journal three minutes
• 10:58
  That's it and then I'm done and it's not even that that's it
• 11:01
  And then I'm going to hope that I do more actually know unless I do this for like 10 days
• 11:05
  I'm actually not going to write more for example
• 11:07
  You can decide obviously be as loving and gentle as you would like
• 11:10
  But essentially I'm going to focus on the fact that life is long and when I'm 70 or AC
• 11:15
  I want to be the kind of person who can't go to bed without writing
• 11:19
  I want to be that person. I'm about the long term. I'm about the long term
• 11:24
  It I'm about also the gift of a craft. It's so wonderful to have a practice
• 11:30
  It's really really wonderful because it's a space that is always available to you
• 11:36
  And that feels very nourishing you give and it gives back that's all I feel right now with podcasting
• 11:41
  I went from this hyper burn out vibe of like I'm going to write every single word
• 11:47
  I'm going to interview people even though it's very stressful
• 11:50
  That's why there are no guests right now. It's not sustainable for me
• 11:53
  So you have to know yourself. This is I think the problem as well is we hold ourselves to other people's standards
• 11:58
  So we see people doing morning pages on YouTube on TikTok and we think oh, this is easy
• 12:02
  So I can do this and then we find it difficult, but we're like no, no, no
• 12:05
  I just haven't made the right time or no, no, no, no, I just haven't no
• 12:08
  This is about me. I'm the creator
• 12:11
  This is the one place in my life where it really is only about me
• 12:15
  So if I'm finding it difficult, it's not about the person on the internet who told me it was easy
• 12:19
  It's not about everyone else not struggling to pose this thing and that thing and how is it that all and I it's not about it's about me
• 12:27
  And the level of honesty that this requires is actually in a way life changing or it's shifting
• 12:34
  It's profound because it asks you to be honest with yourself
• 12:37
  And say even though it sounds like for a podcast one episode a week is so little
• 12:43
  Oh my word of course I can do that once you actually try
• 12:46
  You realize for yourself. It is there. It can be very challenging. It's a very challenging goal
• 12:52
  Even though it's 30 minutes and seven days or 45 minutes and seven days for me myself and I the creator
• 12:58
  How can I make this sustainable what I realized is interviews for me you have to read the book
• 13:04
  You have to prepare the questions and then you have to deal with the uncertainty of what energy that person is going to bring into your life
• 13:10
  It was stressful
• 13:11
  It was a lot for me babes and I was feeling like this is so much and everyone's doing this
• 13:17
  So this is just what I have to do what was that that's an unempowered state
• 13:20
  I was look and it's not even unempowered because that word is now fuller baggage what it really is is I wasn't
• 13:26
  Putting myself in the driver's seat of my own podcast
• 13:30
  I was being driven by other people's expectations
• 13:33
  Which is like the medium is a medium for conversation. It's a medium for interviews
• 13:38
  You know, that's just what they tell you
• 13:39
  But then you start to say wait
• 13:41
  Is it podcasting in general that is so unsustainable or is it my specific approach to it and whose rules am I following?
• 13:49
  I love the chapter on rules in Rick Rubin's book. He literally says
• 13:53
  You subconsciously are following rules of the medium you've learned them somewhere
• 13:58
  You might have learned them in school. You might have learned them from social expectations
• 14:01
  You might have learned them from your friends your community, right?
• 14:04
  You might have internalized them at some point in your life and you're clinging to them
• 14:08
  You're saying to yourself
• 14:09
  Journaling means three pages or you're saying to yourself journaling isn't one word or you're saying to yourself a podcast
• 14:16
  Episode has to be 30 minutes or you're saying to yourself a podcast episode has to be an interview or you're saying to yourself
• 14:21
  I only get to create things if I'm willing to share them these are invisible rules that are guiding your life
• 14:26
  You know what I mean, but babe
• 14:28
  Let's break the rules, but first we have to see them
• 14:31
  So I would invite you to ask yourself
• 14:34
  And what I love about invitations is you can be like no, thank you
• 14:38
  I'm gonna stay home and stay cozy. I'm a cozy person. I love being cozy
• 14:42
  So essentially, I know I don't look cozy jeans are not cozy, but I just love coziness anyways
• 14:46
  Like I would choose soft like tea with friends in cozy comfortable clothes where you're not even pretending to be something
• 14:52
  You're just like at home over like the branches and all of those things those are fun
• 14:57
  But nothing beats coziness anyways. I would invite you to explore
• 15:02
  What are the rules you are subconsciously following in your life?
• 15:05
  What is a rule that you are subconsciously following as you create or as you live or as you try to develop
• 15:12
  Different routines rituals practices friendships love all the things
• 15:16
  What is a subconscious rule you are following that is actually holding you back
• 15:21
  Like it's holding you back because it's a false belief, but you're holding it to be absolute truth
• 15:26
  So for example, the idea of writers block
• 15:29
  Oh, I can't write actually what I've learned from a YouTube
• 15:32
  I literally don't know who said this. I'm so sorry, but no one has writers block. They just refuse to write things that are bad
• 15:39
  They refuse to let go of their perfectionism anyone can write badly anyone could say I'm gonna write now
• 15:45
  But it's gonna be bad
• 15:46
  But the block is that no I'm failing to reach this full potential of creativity this vision
• 15:52
  I had for what I was gonna write which is gonna be flowing and excellent and amazing and everyone would want to read it
• 15:57
  And it would be the book of my dreams
• 15:59
  Well, you're blocked by perfectionism the actual practice of writing is not blocked
• 16:04
  You could say today was a good day and a day was good today
• 16:07
  And I had a bad day yesterday, right? That I wrote did I not say words? I spoke and so sometimes we are blocked by our own
• 16:14
  Perfectionism so the rule that would they need to help you unblock is that I'm only allowed to write if it's good
• 16:20
  I'm only allowed to have a podcast if it's excellent
• 16:23
  I'm only allowed and many of us have internalized that from childhood like oh my word. I have that
• 16:28
  Like I have the perfectionism like my worth comes from how good I am at something and I'm not allowed to be bad
• 16:34
  And if I'm gonna be a creative and an African I have to be the best
• 16:39
  Babes no, I've had to try and let go like the way that you identity
• 16:43
  And especially if you were not encouraged in your creativity
• 16:47
  Now you feel like in order to be allowed to be creative you have to be excellent
• 16:51
  According to whose measure but you have to have things to validate things to show things to prove
• 16:56
  That's why I have the episode on you have nothing to prove the myth of proving yourself essentially
• 17:01
  How can you see that some of these rules are blocking you from doing something that's truly sustainable to you
• 17:09
  You are the creator my love
• 17:11
  You are the co-creator of the friendship you are the creator of the essay you are the creator of the screen clay
• 17:17
  You are the creator of the podcast you are the creator of the tiktok you are the creator of the poem
• 17:22
  So if it doesn't work for you for your life that you're living now not you imaginary life
• 17:27
  It doesn't work
• 17:28
  So for example if you keep telling yourself at the end of my day
• 17:32
  I'm gonna
• 17:33
  Make my tiktok content and then every single day you don't make your tiktok content
• 17:38
  What if the answer is I don't have the energy required to make the content at the end of the day
• 17:43
  It's not sustainable. What would feel more sustainable?
• 17:46
  Oh, okay. I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna set up my phone
• 17:50
  On the mirror. I'm gonna put it there and while I'm getting ready for work
• 17:54
  Which I have to do every single day. I'm gonna make a video
• 17:57
  I'm just gonna make a video because I always have to get ready and I'm not gonna try and make it amazing
• 18:01
  And if I don't like it, I won't post it, but I'm going to make a video. Okay. That's my version of sustainable
• 18:06
  I'm not gonna say oh, I'm gonna go deal with all the bullshit of work all the
• 18:11
  drainage and all the pain and then I come home and I'm drained and I have nothing left to give and then I'm gonna
• 18:16
  Make tiktok content in whose world is that sustainable? So that's not sustainable. That's not loving
• 18:22
  It's not loving to be dishonest with ourselves
• 18:25
  And that's where I want to go next. I want to give you a little bit of an analogy. Okay
• 18:30
  Let's say you're making a new should we do lover or friend?
• 18:32
  I'll just let you decide whichever one you're calling more into your life
• 18:36
  That's what you're gonna add to this analogy. So I want to give you
• 18:39
  two archetypes of a lover or a friend
• 18:42
  On the one hand you have the lover that is all about the big gicious
• 18:47
  They're all about making big promises. You say to them. Let's have coffee next week. They say no
• 18:52
  No, no, no, no, no, I'm taking you for dinner. Okay. Let's go for dinner and let's have a three hour
• 18:58
  Dinner session where we wear our best outfits and we have an incredible time and we're gonna research the perfect restaurant
• 19:04
  And then we're gonna go there and we're gonna take pictures
• 19:07
  But we'll also then gonna put away our phones and be super present
• 19:09
  And it's gonna be incredible and we're gonna have amazing food and it's gonna be wonderful
• 19:14
  Okay, and let's not meet if we don't do that. Okay, perfect. So they're about the big flashy
• 19:20
  gestures and effort and they are all or nothing. Okay, it's either that big dinner or they're not gonna be there at all
• 19:26
  Okay, but the problem with this person is they sometimes don't show up
• 19:30
  So they may make the big promise, but they often don't keep it
• 19:33
  Okay, they're like a little bit like because it's a lot
• 19:36
  You got to research the restaurant so you go and like the open table the Google you look at the reviews
• 19:41
  Then you got a good Instagram chick that the vibe is right then you got to make the reservation
• 19:44
  It's a lot of steps. There's a lot of
• 19:47
  There are a lot of obstacles towards you and that perfect dinner
• 19:50
  Then you have to make sure you have an outfit that you like and you have to call the uber
• 19:53
  Then you have to go so there are a lot of barriers. There's a lot of interruptions that could happen to not make that goal possible
• 20:00
  Then there's a different kind of friend a different kind of lover
• 20:04
  They don't do anything big. They don't do anything flashy
• 20:07
  But in little ways they show up for you every single day babe
• 20:11
  Every single day. They want to know how you doing. They want to know how you slipped
• 20:15
  They want to say what's on your mind? Little small things. Okay, they're not about the big thing
• 20:19
  They're not gonna beat you at the big dinner
• 20:21
  They're not gonna make you a big promise if you say to them
• 20:24
  Can you do dinner for two hours next Thursday? They're gonna say you know what?
• 20:28
  I never really feel that energized on Thursday nights. It's like been a long week and honestly
• 20:33
  That's not really gonna be possible
• 20:34
  Can I rather just call you tomorrow morning while I'm on the way to work?
• 20:38
  And then they call you tomorrow morning while you're on the way to work
• 20:41
  So this person is making small efforts, but they are reliable and they are consistent and they know themselves
• 20:49
  They know their limitations. They don't act like they're limitless
• 20:52
  They don't say oh no to next Thursday. I want to do the thing that I don't want to do tomorrow
• 20:56
  That's unrealistic
• 20:58
  Pretend that every commitment you make could happen in the next 24 hours
• 21:01
  If you wouldn't want to do it in the next 24 hours, baby, you don't want to do it
• 21:04
  You don't want to do it. You're not gonna be a different person next week
• 21:08
  You know sometimes we're like oh, I don't want to have lunch with that person now
• 21:11
  But maybe in February I want to you're not gonna want to in February
• 21:16
  You're not gonna want to in February. So know yourself. So this friend they know themselves
• 21:21
  So they never say oh, yeah, of course. I'm gonna come and watch your play. They're like I don't really like plays
• 21:28
  Hey, I'm not gonna be there. I'm not gonna be able to be there
• 21:30
  But you know what I can do. I can pick you up afterwards
• 21:34
  They know themselves and they offer themselves from a place of deep knowing
• 21:38
  Not only knowing the
• 21:40
  Aspirational self we all have aspirations. Oh my goodness. We all aspire. They know their actual selves
• 21:46
  And they're at peace with that self
• 21:49
  Which friend would you rather have
• 21:52
  Which lover would you rather have
• 21:54
  Are you gonna go for volatility but big big payoffs big payoffs or you're gonna go with
• 22:02
  Small and steady babe consistency
• 22:05
  No drama no drama
• 22:07
  Right? Okay, so you catch what I'm throwing we make these
• 22:12
  Rumbacious if that's not a word we make these
• 22:16
  Bombatious is that a word? Let's just go with it. It sounds good to me. Bombatious promises to ourselves. Oh
• 22:23
  Elaborates. Oh my gosh. I've never even but I'm gonna I've never even written a word in my journal
• 22:30
  But I'm gonna do morning pages three pages. Ha, I'm gonna do it
• 22:33
  I've never even spoken and heard myself speak, but I'm gonna start a podcast next Thursday
• 22:38
  Okay, in September actually because now's not a good time
• 22:41
  So we are the friend who's making out landage promises and then failing to keep them and then getting really disappointed when we don't keep them
• 22:51
  But if we come from a place of deep knowing
• 22:54
  Like babe, you know listen. I know that I actually don't really like that. I actually don't really like interviewing people
• 23:01
  Like it makes me very stressed and it adds a lot of tension to my days
• 23:07
  No, no, but it's gonna be different this time. No, what it's not gonna be different
• 23:11
  It's gonna be the same. It's gonna be the same
• 23:13
  And at this time I don't have the energy to be drained. There's gonna be another time when I may have energy
• 23:18
  And in fact may it may energize me, but I'm not in that time. So I'm gonna say you know what?
• 23:23
  No interviews for this year. I'm gonna focus on building the smallest step that's sustainable for me
• 23:30
  And I'm going to honor that small step. I'm gonna do what is sustainable
• 23:35
  And it's not gonna be flashy. There's not gonna be headlines written about it. It's not gonna be big
• 23:41
  It's not gonna be anything impressive
• 23:43
  But it's a promise I know I can keep and so it's not gonna come with the existential pain
• 23:49
  Of continually letting myself down and never being loving enough to ask myself what if the bar I've set is actually cruel
• 23:58
  What if it's actually cruel? It's like saying to a child. Oh, you got to practice piano every single day for one hour
• 24:04
  And don't even come and try do anything less than that then they let us down
• 24:07
  We say you see what you've done. I told you to practice for an hour. No
• 24:12
  Say my love. What would feel good to you? What do you think you could do every single day?
• 24:16
  You know because I would love for you to experience the gift of what it feels like to have a practice a craft a ritual
• 24:22
  Something that one day in the future 30 years from now when you feel low
• 24:26
  A space you'll be able to go, but what is a space require building? It's like a nest
• 24:32
  A bird builds a nest one twig at a time one twig at a time and I want you to build your nest
• 24:38
  I want you to have a space that in the future is a resting place a place of refuge. It's not that now. Now it's just some twigs
• 24:46
  But it can be with small and consistent efforts and I want that gift for you
• 24:51
  So my love what do you think you could do each day? Oh, I think I could practice every day for five minutes
• 24:56
  Okay, perfect babe. That sounds amazing one twig at a time
• 24:59
  So what I would invite you to ask yourself is what is my twig?
• 25:04
  What is my twig because every single book
• 25:08
  Was written one word at a time every single podcast is spoken one word at a time and it's edited one second at a time
• 25:16
  I literally celebrate okay, I'm at five minutes okay, I'm at 10 minutes
• 25:19
  Everything has a unit every medium every craft and you need to know yours
• 25:24
  So when you look at a book that you so admire and you're like oh my word
• 25:29
  How did they do this how did they create this world or you watch a TV show and you're like wow
• 25:34
  I would love to be able to do that and you have this perfect vision vision in your head
• 25:40
  But be loving enough to know that that book that screenplay that podcast you love it all happened one word at a time
• 25:48
  And so sometimes we it's our egos that get in the way
• 25:51
  Because we say to ourselves if I can't do this at 100% I'm not doing it at all
• 25:56
  But who is that I that speaking since we are many selves?
• 25:59
  Who is the I that refuses to do the small that will only do the big that refuses to have a small and reliable lover
• 26:06
  They must have the big flashy one because that's what they deserve is the flashy dinner that they can put on Instagram
• 26:12
  That's what they deserve is the accolade that's what they deserve
• 26:15
  Is the perfect effort that they dreamed about that's now on the page the perfect idea
• 26:20
  That they dreamed about that's now in the video
• 26:25
  That I that refuses to do anything beneath it
• 26:30
  Is the ego
• 26:32
  It is the ego that refuses to acknowledge that it is a beginner and in the beginning
• 26:40
  You cannot be taking steps at the same unit or rate
• 26:45
  As a pro or an advanced person so for example sometimes I'll look at podcast charts and I'll be like damn
• 26:52
  Why am I not babe these people have had a podcast for eight years and I know there are exceptions
• 26:56
  But if you just did an average of like all the podcasts that are very very listened to and you saw the average age of those podcasts
• 27:03
  It would literally be five years eight years
• 27:05
  There's exceptions with these big incident personalities who obviously have huge followings that then follow them to
• 27:11
  podcasting but if you look at a numbers basis it is
• 27:14
  Not common for a podcast to be very listened to when it hasn't existed for many years
• 27:20
  We're growing up in the age of instant gratification where you can go viral immediately or you can but that's not actually
• 27:27
  That's the long tail, you know, if you look at the normal distribution most things are in the middle and in the middle
• 27:33
  You know the middle of the bell curve
• 27:35
  Where I think like 80% of results land or something like that
• 27:40
  You will find
• 27:41
  That most of the people that we are comparing ourselves to
• 27:46
  That we're saying oh why how is it that they were able to write this book or they were able to create this podcast or they were able to write this screenplay
• 27:53
  They've been working at it
• 27:55
  for so long
• 27:57
  Like Esa Ray speaks about this in her master class people think she blew up she was working for 10 years
• 28:03
  Before in the industry like on her own shows and trying and trying to make a breakthrough into the industry before
• 28:10
  Insecure happened it didn't just happen before she happened to it
• 28:13
  Ha ha before she created it right and it got greenlighted and all the things
• 28:18
  So of course we live in this illusion of fast results and it undermines the downplays the value of small consistent effort the value of
• 28:27
  the sustainable
• 28:29
  As we think about this I want to bring in the wisdom of nature
• 28:33
  So I want to ask chachi bt
• 28:35
  What are examples of animals beings in nature that prioritize the sustainable over the unsustainable that prioritize the small and consistent over the extreme and
• 28:47
  Unreliable okay, and here is what it gave me number one bird nest building which we spoke about one trick at a time
• 28:55
  So chachi bt says birds construct nests gradually by collecting materials like twigs feathers and grass and then weaving them together
• 29:05
  This process is done one piece at a time with meticulous care and patience
• 29:11
  Number two termites
• 29:12
  Tomites build massive mounds by depositing tiny bits of soil and saliva one at a time
• 29:19
  These insects work together in a highly organized and specialized manner
• 29:24
  This teaches us the power of collaboration and teamwork in achieving complex goals and the significance of long term consistent effort
• 29:34
  The third example is ant faraging
• 29:36
  Ant colonies send out farages to gather food bit by bit the food is shared with the entire colony
• 29:44
  This is a continuous and cooperative effort the next example is honey bees
• 29:49
  Honey bees produce wax and build honeycomb cells one cell at a time
• 29:54
  Each worker be plays a specific role in collecting nectar producing wax and building comb
• 30:01
  This teaches creation of something valuable through consistent incremental work and how a well-organized community can achieve remarkable results
• 30:09
  The next example is birds that migrate birds often migrate long distances to find suitable breeding or feeding grounds
• 30:17
  And when they do so they optimize their roots to minimize energy expenditure
• 30:22
  Using tailwinds and updrafts and even flying in V formation to reduce air resistance
• 30:29
  And finally we have seed dispersal various plants and trees disperse their seeds over time
• 30:36
  Through mechanisms like wind animals or water
• 30:40
  These seeds gradually grow into new plants
• 30:43
  Teaching us the importance of small continuous actions in regenerating and sustaining ecosystems
• 30:50
  As well as the role of patience in the growth and diversity of plant communities
• 30:55
  And finally how nature's processes prioritize long term sustainability
• 31:01
  So I just love those examples so much and one of the threads that I think ties through each of them is the power of
• 31:10
  The community and how I'm just doing my small tiny role and I'm a little termite and all the millions of termites together
• 31:19
  We're gonna build a huge and hugely impressive mount like those termite mounts are very very impressive
• 31:26
  They're very well engineered and they're an example of the way that nature prioritizes sustainability
• 31:32
  But also prioritizes collective creativity collective creations because all I need to do is my small little role
• 31:40
  And I think that ties so wonderfully to our conversation because each of us as creators as friends
• 31:46
  We all have a larger picture that we are playing a role in so for example currently
• 31:51
  I feel like there's a shift in the consciousness towards more love
• 31:55
  Away from colonial thinking away from capitalism away from
• 32:00
  anti-blackness there's a real awakening that is happening
• 32:04
  And it's going to take many many years and it's been happening in many ways for decades and you know guys like let's
• 32:10
  Be awake, but what I mean by that is if I tie myself to that larger process then I think wow
• 32:16
  All I am is a little worker bee in the hive
• 32:19
  All I am is one termite. It's not about me my effort alone
• 32:23
  What can it do but my effort in conjunction to that TikTok you also heard from someone else and that book you read and that other
• 32:30
  Podcast you listen to you the listener weave together as well all the information that you're receiving and that you've lived and that you know
• 32:38
  To be true within yourself together
• 32:40
  We create this huge mount of social movement as in literally people move to a new world
• 32:47
  But creating a new world and build building bridges to a different kind of world rooted in love
• 32:53
  rooted in thriving rooted in the opposite of supremacy rooted in
• 32:59
  reparation and and justice that all of that that whole process is millions of people's work
• 33:05
  So I think it's when the ego is rooted in my creation and my podcast and my book versus what is the larger purpose that I can
• 33:12
  Ascribe this book to you know like if I'm writing a sci-fi novel
• 33:16
  Okay, so I'm part of the larger movement of Afro-futurism for example
• 33:20
  And then it's like okay my book doesn't have to be the bee or indol it just needs to be one little termites
• 33:26
  Helping the mound that gets built that's so impressive and so robust
• 33:31
  And so that's also something we can invite ourselves into when we think of sustainability is thinking that I as a TikTok creator
• 33:37
  I don't need to think that the world is on my shoulders
• 33:40
  Everyone is following so many creators. That's why when I take a rest people are following so many people
• 33:46
  And so all I need to do is recharge and come back and play my role in the termite mound to help shift consciousness to help spread love
• 33:53
  Understand what other people are part of the collective who have the same mission as me and the same purpose as me
• 34:00
  And I am working with them. I may not know them
• 34:02
  But I'm part of what they are part of and they are part of what I am part of
• 34:06
  And so
• 34:08
  What is sustainable is for me to find my way to be a termite in the mound
• 34:12
  And the most important thing for the termite is to be energized and to find the little things that they can do each and every day
• 34:19
  To help co-create this mound and some days that will be resting some days that will be nesting like it's going to change
• 34:26
  But that I think is a very loving way to see sustainability
• 34:29
  So we see from the wisdom of nature that sustainability is baked into
• 34:33
  The way that lots of really powerful creatures in nature exist
• 34:37
  But so is community and that's really important
• 34:40
  So is collective action the idea that lots of little people doing lots of little things can create a huge
• 34:47
  Huge social change and huge movement
• 34:51
  Movement literally movement from one place to the next
• 34:54
  So I'm going to give you some tactical advice on how I think we can really send to sustainability into our lives
• 34:59
  By offering you a few invitations
• 35:02
  Number one live your micro dream creative life now
• 35:07
  So if part of your creative vision is to have a podcast and be a podcast host
• 35:13
  Then what if every single morning
• 35:15
  You wake up and you make a seven minute episode on your voice notes app on your phone
• 35:21
  You say hello everyone and welcome back to my show. It's so great to have you back today
• 35:25
  Today we are talking about and you make your episodes every day seven minutes
• 35:30
  You say to yourself. This is an episode. It has a beginning a middle and an ending
• 35:34
  And then the next day you show up again and again, right now within 30 days
• 35:39
  What have you become you've literally become a podcast host you've created a practice of speaking
• 35:45
  Of structuring your thinking and sharing it in a certain way and that doesn't even have it could be meandering
• 35:50
  structuring as in you found a way to communicate what's in your mind to outside of it
• 35:56
  Let's say you dream of being a poet. What if every single day you have this piece of paper and you write one line
• 36:03
  The air was thick with anticipation
• 36:06
  The end what's gonna happen tomorrow? We don't know tune into mystery not mastery. We don't know. Okay
• 36:13
  So how can you live the smallest version of your dream creative life today right now
• 36:19
  Write one paragraph a day write one line a day and it doesn't have to be a damn using that as a unit of measure
• 36:24
  It could be every Sunday every Sunday
• 36:26
  That's why we have showing up together is an opportunity to have that space to devote yourself to something that you've been avoiding that you want to show up for
• 36:34
  So that's the first thing I would ask is what is the smallest version in the book the creative quest quest love speaks about
• 36:42
  micro meditations
• 36:44
  So if you've been struggling to meditate what if you micro meditate what if you say one moment in the day when I feel really moved by something
• 36:49
  Or when I just you know the spirit moves me. I'm gonna do a 30 second meditation
• 36:53
  I'm just gonna stop. I'm gonna breathe after 30 seconds the end
• 36:57
  Micro meditation, but I'm gonna do it regularly
• 37:00
  Or it could be throughout the day. It doesn't even have to be once a day
• 37:02
  It could be like wow like what if every hour on the hour for 30 seconds. I just breathe. That's it. That's how I meditate
• 37:09
  So what is the smallest version of this practice? You're trying to call into your life
• 37:15
  What is the reliable small if it friend? What are they doing to show up for this practice?
• 37:20
  What if just like you trying to make this new friend this practice once you as a friend and each time you say to it
• 37:27
  I'm gonna sit down and record the episode next week and then you don't it's a little bit laid down
• 37:31
  It's like babe
• 37:32
  I thought we had a little thing going on and you're like you know what actually my love
• 37:36
  But I'm actually gonna do is
• 37:38
  Make my promise a little smaller. I'm gonna have one monthly podcast episode instead of one weekly
• 37:42
  I'm going to have much shorter episode. It's gonna be 10 minutes rather than 30. There are no rules
• 37:48
  Why not have a three-minute episode who said you couldn't
• 37:51
  Sometimes that's just what we need is three minutes of vibes. So there are no rules. Okay. The second thing I'd ask you is
• 37:59
  Make a different promise to yourself if you keep breaking your promises
• 38:03
  If you keep breaking the promise and you're like no, what's wrong with me?
• 38:06
  If I can't do this that there's something wrong with me. No, there's something wrong with the goal. So
• 38:11
  Make a different promise a smaller promise that feels really good to you and really sustainable to you
• 38:18
  number three get creative
• 38:20
  Creativity is also about how we approach our creativity. I think I'm gonna call that meta creativity
• 38:26
  It's being creative about how you're creative
• 38:28
  And so for example, I really think that relationships friendships are a space that really require creativity that we are not invited to see
• 38:37
  And so one thing I started to do because I was like wow some of the people that I associate as some of my soul siblings
• 38:42
  Some of my soul sisters my soul brothers, you know my soul siblings
• 38:46
  I never even speak to them. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna send them a calendar invite for once a month
• 38:51
  Because I could be like oh no, well, I want to speak to them once a week
• 38:53
  We speak once every three months. So this is actually excellent. This is sustainable
• 38:57
  I'm gonna say once a month let's have this call and then I'm gonna honor that commitment
• 39:01
  And I'm gonna break the rule that says you shouldn't be sending your friends calendar invites
• 39:05
  That's for work. That's not how it should be. It should be easy. It should be like oh, are you free on Sunday the chat?
• 39:09
  They're never free on Sunday the chats
• 39:12
  Strangling time with your friends has become impossible. So I'm gonna send that invite
• 39:16
  I'm gonna break the social expectation or social standard that I shouldn't be using my calendar for my friendships
• 39:22
  And I shouldn't be proactive and I should just let things flow
• 39:26
  No, if I'm craving this person in my life
• 39:28
  How can I call them in more proactively but also more sustainably?
• 39:31
  The fourth piece of advice is
• 39:34
  How can you really embrace your limitations and see them as the constraints that inform your creative work?
• 39:41
  So it's like in Rick Rubin's book where he says if I would say to you
• 39:45
  You can have to make this painting only with the colors green and yellow
• 39:50
  Even though it sounds like I'm limiting you there's a specific level of
• 39:54
  Creativity that's going to come from the constraint. You're gonna get really creative. What is green? What is yellow?
• 40:00
  How can I create contrast? When do I want to create sameness?
• 40:03
  You're going to think of it in a way that actually feels unconstrained
• 40:07
  Even in the face of constraints
• 40:09
  So similarly if you know you don't have energy for creativity at the end of the day
• 40:15
  Why don't you say to yourself? Okay, how can I be more creative knowing that from 6 p.m
• 40:19
  I don't exist. Oh, can I steal one hour from my employer?
• 40:22
  Can I pretend that I have a call for 15 minutes every day at 11 a.m
• 40:26
  But then actually I'm on a date with myself
• 40:28
  Writing a poem or doing what it like how can I view my own limitations as a human being on this earth with limited time energy resources community money
• 40:37
  How can I view that constraint as something that can inform my creativity?
• 40:41
  That isn't something that I'm like, why is it that I don't have enough time at the end of the day? It's like oh
• 40:46
  I don't have enough time at the end of the day
• 40:48
  Okay, so when else might I have a space?
• 40:50
  Okay, if I don't have as big of a space as I was imagining what if I have a smaller space?
• 40:54
  What if I have a micro space?
• 40:56
  So if I'm like dumb, I just can't meditate for 30 minutes. You could say okay
• 40:59
  So I'm just gonna not meditate at all. I could be like oh, I can't meditate for 30 minutes
• 41:04
  Okay, cool. I'm gonna meditate for five. Oh, no, that's even too ambitious. I'm gonna meditate for two
• 41:09
  And I'm gonna do that every single day and eventually I may even be able to build and layer from that
• 41:15
  So you are the creator. I would really urge you to see how actually powerful that is you are very powerful
• 41:21
  But don't subordinate yourself to the expectations of others or to the demands that you have of yourself
• 41:28
  That's coming from the person within you that is a perfectionist and that doesn't actually want you to get going
• 41:34
  That doesn't actually want you to take a step at all because perfectionism is an illusion
• 41:38
  There's no perfect episode. They'll always be more to say every time I edit my episodes
• 41:42
  I'm like I didn't say this. I didn't say that. Why did I say this this way?
• 41:45
  I choose to hit send because I know that the in my mind
• 41:50
  Is this perfect creation that in reality doesn't exist and at some point you I have to be honest with myself and say
• 41:57
  Do I want to live according to an illusion which is that I can create something perfect or do I want to live in a finite world
• 42:04
  With finite time where space and time are both limitless but also a bound in my personal experience of them
• 42:10
  I cannot create a limitless episode
• 42:12
  I cannot bring in every single book that's ever been written. I cannot bring in every single perspective that's ever been shared
• 42:17
  This is what I have to give and this is my offering to the collective
• 42:21
  So being really honest with yourself around how am I actually more limited than I'm willing to admit
• 42:26
  And how can I make that limitation part of
• 42:29
  Part of what I promise myself. I'll do rather than make
• 42:33
  Commitments to myself rooted in delusion in big promises that will not be kept
• 42:37
  The fifth is interrogate your ego and how it's stopping you from getting started
• 42:42
  I know that being a beginner can be really embarrassing for those of us who pride ourselves on being quote unquote good at things
• 42:49
  But that is pure ego darling. We know that you know that if you're listening to this you know that already
• 42:54
  It's pure ego it's saying I shouldn't have to be in this phase even though everyone I admire was in this phase
• 43:00
  And the other thing is that we're always going to be cycling
• 43:03
  There's going to be some areas of our life where we feel like wow
• 43:06
  I've really got this under my feet and in other areas of our life
• 43:09
  We were like damn like I'm literally flopping in the ocean and I feel so overwhelmed and like what am I doing
• 43:15
  So understanding that it is actually really wonderful to embrace being a beginner because there's an illusion that we will
• 43:22
  There's an illusion that there's a phase in our life where we will no longer be a beginner
• 43:27
  But we're always cycling like you may see your favorite podcast host
• 43:30
  They're not a beginner in podcasting
• 43:32
  But maybe they just had a child now. They're a beginner at parenting
• 43:35
  Everyone is cycling they're only showing you because it's a performance the parts of their life where they feel
• 43:41
  More advanced because we associate doing with showing we don't think about the parts of our other their lives
• 43:47
  That they're not showing us and they're also not showing us all the years of preparation that it took for them to get to that place
• 43:55
  So how can you center sustainability in your life?
• 43:59
  How can you say okay if I'm calling in this practice? What does this practice one from me?
• 44:03
  How can I show it that I'm devoted but that I also know myself and I'm not going to make promises that I can't keep
• 44:09
  And how can I understand that I am building a nest for myself and in the beginning
• 44:13
  It's not really going to make sense and there's going to be times in the middle where maybe I built it on a flimsy branch
• 44:19
  And the nest falls and then I'll have to rebuild it
• 44:21
  But at least I'll know how to build a nest and so isn't it wonderful that I'm creating a space for myself
• 44:28
  Because that is so much more sustainable
• 44:30
  Some of the goals we set are not sustainable
• 44:32
  We say I want to get this many followers. Okay, then what then what if you don't have a sustainable relationship with the things you create
• 44:40
  You will build these burnout goals that you will reach like I had once I had a goal to reach 100,000 followers on TikTok
• 44:46
  I reached it. It's like then what you have to understand that
• 44:50
  We are going to live longer than a specific goal and also we are not our goals
• 44:55
  But I do think it's wonderful to love ourselves so much to create nests for ourselves places where we feel we can retreat
• 45:02
  But that doesn't come instantly
• 45:04
  But it does come through slow consistent effort
• 45:08
  In the book Atomic Habits by James Cleo the book that focuses on doing the small in order to over years over a long span of time
• 45:15
  Achieve the big what he really emphasizes is to set a system
• 45:20
  Not a goal
• 45:21
  Focus on the system that's going to enable you to reach a specific goal and even try to de-emphasize goals entirely and focus on the system
• 45:31
  And what I would say is focus on the sustainability focus on the most loving version
• 45:36
  The most loving version of what you're trying to bring into the world
• 45:39
  What would that look like understanding that you're not alone that mission that you have
• 45:44
  You're not the only person who is up at night thinking what if they were a book
• 45:48
  What if there were a book for more young queer
• 45:51
  Femps of Africans, you know, you're not the only one thinking that so all you need to do is do your part
• 45:56
  And write that book and understand that person who reads that book
• 45:59
  They're also reading this book and they're in their soul heart and mind. They are
• 46:05
  weaving together
• 46:06
  A new understanding that's really going to support them and cradle them
• 46:10
  So understand that you're not alone in your vision and that all you need to do is play the littlest part because if you play that part
• 46:17
  Together, it's like a choir
• 46:19
  What's going to happen this rich melody that literally pierces the spirit
• 46:25
  Of the world yes of the world
• 46:29
  I love you so much my darlings. Thank you for another powerful episode with me
• 46:33
  I hope that you received this offering. I really hope this episode finds who it's meant for
• 46:38
  So please help me by sharing it with a friend and know that you deserve what is easy
• 46:44
  You deserve what is sustainable. You don't deserve to burn out on an impossible
• 46:49
  goal that never gets sustained because it's literally not honoring your reality
• 46:54
  Which does necessarily involve limitations
• 46:57
  So I want to leave you with this quote by Adrian Marie Brown
• 47:00
  Which is going to relate to some of the things that we learned about birds today and she says
• 47:06
  What is easy is sustainable
• 47:09
  Birds coast when they can I love you so so dearly
• 47:12
  And I hope that you have a wonderful wonderful existence today tomorrow and always sending you so much love
• 47:18
  And I will see you next week have fun doing what is sustainable
• 47:23
  I hope some paradigms have been shifted for you in today's conversation
• 47:26
  As always if you can please leave a five star rating on apple and Spotify like comment subscribe
• 47:32
  I love you so so much
• 47:34
  Okay, I love you join me on my sub stack links in the comment section go there. Okay. Love you so much
• 47:40
  Love you