Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 347. The Mountain Is You: Author Brianna Wiest On The Power Of Self-Belief & Her Journey To Topping Best Seller Lists

Transcript

347. The Mountain Is You: Author Brianna Wiest On The Power Of Self-Belief & Her Journey To Topping Best Seller Lists · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: Find your people and let them inspire you and encourage
0:04
Speaker 1: you and remind you that you are not going to collapse.
0:11
Speaker 1: You know, at the presence of any one challenge coming up,
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Speaker 1: you're so much bigger than that.
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Speaker 2: Hey, Hurdlers, Emily Vadi. Here you are listening to episode
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Speaker 2: two hundred and forty seven of Hurdle, a wellness focused
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Speaker 2: podcast where I talk to inspirational people about everything from
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Speaker 2: their highest ties and toughest moments to essential tips on
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Speaker 2: how to live a healthier, happier, more motivated life. We
0:50
Speaker 2: all go through our fair share of hurdles. My goal
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Speaker 2: through these discussions is to empower you to better navigate
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Speaker 2: yours and move with intention so that you can towards
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Speaker 2: your own big potential and of course have some fun
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Speaker 2: along the way. For today's episode to forty seven, I
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Speaker 2: am chatting with author and self care advocate Brianna Weis.
1:17
Speaker 2: She's got a new book out. It is called The
1:20
Speaker 2: Life That's Waiting. And to tell you that I was
1:24
Speaker 2: anxiously anticipating, I won't even say waiting, for anticipating this
1:29
Speaker 2: conversation would be the biggest understatement I this year. Every
1:35
Speaker 2: morning and reading a page from Brianna's book, The Pivot Year,
1:39
Speaker 2: which is a book that features three hundred and sixty
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Speaker 2: five daily meditations, and I'll use her words on finding
1:47
Speaker 2: the courage to become who you've always wanted to be
1:51
Speaker 2: end quote. I have, gosh just so appreciated Brianna's words
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Speaker 2: and wisdom as I have come into my own, and
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Speaker 2: I am really feeling so inspired by her words this year,
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Speaker 2: and so I was honored that she took the time
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Speaker 2: to sit down with me for Hurdle to share some
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Speaker 2: of her goodness with all of you. Brianna talks about
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Speaker 2: her upbringing and the journey that has gotten her to
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Speaker 2: this point of being in a place where she feels
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Speaker 2: confident enough to share her words and her writing with
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Speaker 2: the world. We talk about the importance of the inputs
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Speaker 2: in our life and how it is so so important
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Speaker 2: to make sure that you are only taking criticism from
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Speaker 2: those that you would seek advice from.
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Speaker 3: Super important there.
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Speaker 2: We also talk about the hurdles that Brianna has faced
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Speaker 2: within writing, of what it was like for her to
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Speaker 2: expose herself to so many people from the get go,
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Speaker 2: and how she feels that it is so important that
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Speaker 2: regardless of what arena, and I use that word very specifically,
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Speaker 2: that you are in you open yourself to learning from
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Speaker 2: individuals in others, regardless of what arena that may be. Again,
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Speaker 2: this was such an impactful, I say that, very purposefully
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Speaker 2: impactful conversation for me, and I so appreciate being able
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Speaker 2: to sit down with Brianna in the midst of launching
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Speaker 2: this new book.
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Speaker 3: Again.
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Speaker 2: The new book is called The Life That's Waiting. The
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Speaker 2: book that I'm reading right now is called The Pivot Year.
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Speaker 2: Other amazing texts that she has written, one hundred and
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Speaker 2: one essays that will change the way that you think
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Speaker 2: the mountain is you.
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Speaker 3: We talk about all of them today.
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Speaker 2: Make sure you're following along with Hurdle over on social
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Speaker 2: It's at Hurdle podcast and me over at Emily a
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Speaker 2: Body And if you're not yet subscribed to our substack
3:52
Speaker 2: over at the Weekly Hurdle. The link to do that
3:55
Speaker 2: is in the show notes. With that, let's get to it.
3:59
Speaker 2: Let's get to hurdling. Today, I have the privilege of
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Speaker 2: sitting down with Brianna Weist. She is a best selling
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Speaker 2: author of so many books. I'm sure you're familiar with
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Speaker 2: one hundred and one essays that will change the way
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Speaker 2: you think. The Pivot Year, the Mountain is you and
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Speaker 2: the newest added to the collection, the Life That's Waiting,
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Speaker 2: which is out now.
4:30
Speaker 3: Welcome to hurdle, Brianna. How are you so good?
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Speaker 1: Thank you for having me.
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Speaker 3: I am so excited to have you here.
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Speaker 2: I for context, am reading the Pivot Year right now,
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Speaker 2: and the subtitle on that one is three hundred and
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Speaker 2: sixty five days to become the person you truly want
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Speaker 2: to be. Would you say that you are in the
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Speaker 2: act of becoming that person? Oh?
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's been like going on from mo more than
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Speaker 1: three hundred and sixty five days, So it's been us.
5:05
Speaker 1: This has been like a decade and a half long,
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Speaker 1: probably honestly journey. If I could call it that, I
5:10
Speaker 1: think where I think that word gets overused, but that's
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Speaker 1: really what I want to call it. I feel like
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Speaker 1: I am always trying to inch toward what is true
5:19
Speaker 1: to me, always trying to create from a place of
5:22
Speaker 1: what And I believe that across the board we are
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Speaker 1: our own first slip miess test, especially when we're creating something,
5:29
Speaker 1: so it has to be real for us first in
5:31
Speaker 1: some way, because it's like if we consider the audience,
5:36
Speaker 1: the reader, you know, whoever is you know, in front
5:38
Speaker 1: of us, before we consider ourselves. It tends to have
5:42
Speaker 1: an emptiness to it, do you know what I mean?
5:45
Speaker 1: It hasn't been imbued with something real. And I've felt
5:49
Speaker 1: and experienced you know, writing music, you know, whatever it
5:53
Speaker 1: is when I can tell that that artist, you know,
5:56
Speaker 1: there was something real for them in that moment, like
5:59
Speaker 1: there there was a piece of them in it, and
6:01
Speaker 1: how much I'm impacted by that and how much it's
6:04
Speaker 1: changed me and inspired me and influenced me, and it's
6:08
Speaker 1: like my dream to hopefully be that for other people.
6:13
Speaker 2: When did writing first feel very real for you?
6:19
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, So I started doing it in my late
6:22
Speaker 1: teens teens, and then I was actually a writing major
6:26
Speaker 1: in college. And this is a really great true story
6:31
Speaker 1: that I was. So my major was technically called professional writing.
6:35
Speaker 1: So we kind of did like, you know, like some
6:38
Speaker 1: ja school stuff, like like some marketing set, you know,
6:41
Speaker 1: kind of like ways in which writing would you know,
6:45
Speaker 1: exist in the workplace kind of stuff. And there were
6:47
Speaker 1: options to do creative writing classes and I refused to
6:52
Speaker 1: take them because I was literally too embarrassed to have
6:56
Speaker 1: to like get up in front of the class and
6:57
Speaker 1: like read my work periodically throughout the semester, which I
6:59
Speaker 1: use which had to do, and I truly felt like
7:02
Speaker 1: I had nothing good to say I and everything I
7:05
Speaker 1: wrote was terrible and I just couldn't do it. I
7:09
Speaker 1: was like, no, I like I have nothing to share,
7:11
Speaker 1: Like I'm just like too mortified. I absolutely cannot, Like
7:14
Speaker 1: this is terrible, and so like the irony of like
7:17
Speaker 1: what I like do now every day of my life
7:20
Speaker 1: is like not lost on me truly. So I think
7:24
Speaker 1: that like professionally speaking, after college and like I wanted
7:27
Speaker 1: to go into editing or writing. It felt real to
7:29
Speaker 1: me then, like as like a profession, like I didn't.
7:33
Speaker 1: I think that some people have really kind of a
7:35
Speaker 1: journey they go on to feel comfortable calling themselves an
7:39
Speaker 1: artist or writer. Those are words that not everyone feels
7:42
Speaker 1: that they can just like. But I didn't really have
7:45
Speaker 1: that problem because I really was like working as that
7:49
Speaker 1: so it just felt natural, like to be writer. But then,
7:52
Speaker 1: you know, simultaneously, I was kind of you know going
7:55
Speaker 1: on my own you know, personal growth, self reflective, you know,
8:00
Speaker 1: process of you know becoming as so many of us
8:03
Speaker 1: are at that age. But then you know, forever more
8:07
Speaker 1: and I start, you know, sharing a lot of that writing,
8:11
Speaker 1: and that's when things got real, you know what I mean.
8:15
Speaker 1: Like at the beginning, it was like a few people
8:18
Speaker 1: read it were like, oh nice, you know what I mean?
8:20
Speaker 1: That was kind of it.
8:22
Speaker 3: Then I can start up pick up.
8:25
Speaker 1: And you like, you don't go in with a contingentcy listen,
8:28
Speaker 1: Okay if you go into writing anything like, you're not
8:31
Speaker 1: going in being like, oh like definitely a million people
8:35
Speaker 1: are going to read this Like that's not anywhere you're
8:38
Speaker 1: like going and thinking, I hope one person, but you
8:44
Speaker 1: know what I mean, like, there's not like you're like that,
8:46
Speaker 1: I'll take it, you know what I mean? Like if
8:48
Speaker 1: if one or two people like this, if I helped
8:51
Speaker 1: one person, okay, great, you have no contingency plan for
8:54
Speaker 1: this many people like reading kind of your innermost thoughts.
8:59
Speaker 1: I can't I really can't think about it too hard.
9:03
Speaker 2: There's a lot to unpack here. The first thing though,
9:06
Speaker 2: is I love what you said. I felt like I
9:10
Speaker 2: had nothing good to say, regardless of interest, field, profession,
9:15
Speaker 2: et cetera. That feeling of I'm not good enough, I
9:19
Speaker 2: don't have this level of worth. I don't have something
9:22
Speaker 2: new to say, no fresh perspective. Those assumptions are what
9:26
Speaker 2: ultimately hold them back.
9:28
Speaker 3: So for you, you began to dabble.
9:32
Speaker 2: On your own and developed a certain level of confidence
9:37
Speaker 2: that empowered you to say, Okay, well maybe I'm willing
9:41
Speaker 2: to try it.
9:42
Speaker 3: Would you agree?
9:43
Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean that was so well summarized. And also,
9:47
Speaker 1: I think the other thing that held me back that
9:49
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people struggle with is I'm
9:52
Speaker 1: not special, doe know. I mean like I'm not that interesting,
9:57
Speaker 1: Like I'm not that smart. I'm not but you know,
10:01
Speaker 1: I don't know, like I was just not like I
10:03
Speaker 1: didn't really have that And I don't even mean it
10:06
Speaker 1: in a bad way. It was just at the time,
10:07
Speaker 1: I was just like, I don't know, Like to me,
10:09
Speaker 1: people who do creative things like that are like, I
10:13
Speaker 1: don't know, like intriguing people, just like I don't.
10:16
Speaker 2: Know, everyone that we look for these days that is
10:19
Speaker 2: some sort of person of intrigue started off as someone
10:25
Speaker 2: that felt that way, right, And so it's just getting
10:28
Speaker 2: to a point where you have enough self belief that
10:31
Speaker 2: you can say why not me?
10:34
Speaker 3: Right?
10:35
Speaker 1: Well, I you know, something that really helped me get
10:37
Speaker 1: over it is I thought about my heroes, my idols,
10:42
Speaker 1: you know, like the people that I looked at were like, oh,
10:45
Speaker 1: like if I could do one fiftieth of what you've done,
10:49
Speaker 1: I mean, like I would die happy, like I thought of.
10:52
Speaker 1: You know, Cheryl Strait is one of my favorite authors,
10:56
Speaker 1: and you know where she describes herself like self descriptive
11:00
Speaker 1: of like where she was at in her life when
11:02
Speaker 1: she started writing, like it was not good, you know
11:05
Speaker 1: what I mean. And this is not me even making
11:07
Speaker 1: an assessment, but she writes about the books, you know
11:10
Speaker 1: what I mean. When she started writing, she was like, look,
11:13
Speaker 1: I really felt like I had to do it. But
11:14
Speaker 1: also my life was in pieces. I was. You know,
11:17
Speaker 1: she talks about her drug you just talks about being
11:19
Speaker 1: you know, financially unstable, you know, losing her mind and
11:22
Speaker 1: all of these things that were going on. There was
11:24
Speaker 1: nothing happening in her life that would kind of like
11:27
Speaker 1: qualify her to become this extraordinary artist that she is today.
11:31
Speaker 1: The only difference is that she did it. That's it.
11:35
Speaker 1: She showed up and she did it. She did the
11:37
Speaker 1: damn thing. That's it. That's seriously, that is what. And
11:41
Speaker 1: so today I think of her as this extraordinary literary
11:45
Speaker 1: hero of mine. But if I had met her back then,
11:48
Speaker 1: I'd been like, well, it's my friend Cheryl, for we're friends,
11:50
Speaker 1: but like, you know what I mean, it's my friend Cheryl,
11:51
Speaker 1: Like she's struggling, like do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, Also,
11:54
Speaker 1: Cheryl straight, if you happen to listen, I will feel
12:00
Speaker 1: like I'm at the mountaintop one. I love you to
12:04
Speaker 1: call me.
12:06
Speaker 3: Rihanna wants to chat with her literary idol.
12:12
Speaker 1: I love you. But I really think that there's something
12:15
Speaker 1: so freeing about coming into that place though. Of if
12:19
Speaker 1: you think of the people you most look up to,
12:22
Speaker 1: you start to kind of realize, oh, like they just
12:25
Speaker 1: did they did it. They just showed up and they
12:28
Speaker 1: did it, and they kept doing it. And in spite
12:31
Speaker 1: of those doubts, in spite of I think, in many
12:34
Speaker 1: cases a lack of maybe self confidence or self belief.
12:37
Speaker 1: I don't I think those things are built. I don't
12:39
Speaker 1: know that we start with them, and so at the
12:40
Speaker 1: beginning we're looking for them, like, Okay, when I feel confident,
12:43
Speaker 1: I'll start It's like no, but that confidence is going
12:46
Speaker 1: to build as you keep moving. So what you were
12:49
Speaker 1: saying too about you know, I start, I'm just like,
12:53
Speaker 1: I have literally nothing good to say. When I really
12:55
Speaker 1: started writing, I wasn't trying to say anything to anyone else,
13:00
Speaker 1: and that was why I was able to walk through
13:02
Speaker 1: the doorway. And I really mean it. It's like I
13:05
Speaker 1: was genuinely this was something I was doing for me.
13:09
Speaker 1: I loved this, do you know what I mean? Like
13:11
Speaker 1: for better or for worse, Whether one person read it
13:13
Speaker 1: or a million, I didn't care, Like it was not
13:16
Speaker 1: even I wasn't even thinking that way. It made my
13:19
Speaker 1: life better, It made me better, but it was also
13:22
Speaker 1: something I loved, and I think that that is the strongest,
13:28
Speaker 1: most on fire place you can get with anything, which
13:31
Speaker 1: is like, look, there is no failure here because I
13:36
Speaker 1: devoted part of my life to the thing I most
13:38
Speaker 1: loved that made my life full and whole and beautiful.
13:41
Speaker 1: There's nothing else that has to happen beyond that, and
13:45
Speaker 1: anything else is graaty, you know what I mean. Like,
13:47
Speaker 1: but but if the act of doing it can be
13:51
Speaker 1: so alive and real to you that that's it, that
13:54
Speaker 1: also tends to be the place when it does actually work.
13:58
Speaker 2: I mean, it's conversation of that joy is a win
14:03
Speaker 2: within itself. Right, So often we gauge our perception of
14:09
Speaker 2: doing well or doing good to be on what other
14:14
Speaker 2: people have done, rather than asking ourselves, does the act
14:19
Speaker 2: of doing this thing bring me joy, bring me purpose,
14:22
Speaker 2: bring me to a place where I feel fulfilled?
14:26
Speaker 3: And it's hard to get there?
14:29
Speaker 2: There are other needs, right, Like, you might not feel
14:32
Speaker 2: like you failed when you began writing, but I'm sure
14:35
Speaker 2: it wasn't lucrative for you at first.
14:37
Speaker 1: Oh no, you're like your aspirations are low, you know
14:41
Speaker 1: what I mean, at that time, You're you're not going
14:43
Speaker 1: into a thinking, oh, this is it, this is my
14:45
Speaker 1: ticket to the pig LEI like, you're just no, you'd
14:49
Speaker 1: pick pretty much anything else under the sun, you know
14:52
Speaker 1: what I mean, other than this if you wanted. So
14:55
Speaker 1: it's a lot of you loving it that fuels you
15:01
Speaker 1: do you know what? Like And it kind of has
15:02
Speaker 1: to because it really isn't an.
15:04
Speaker 3: Yeah for a long time.
15:06
Speaker 2: But this is a really good compare it like a
15:09
Speaker 2: note on comparison then, right, because so many individuals might
15:13
Speaker 2: see someone like you today and think that is what
15:16
Speaker 2: I want. But also they're just seeing the highlights of it.
15:22
Speaker 2: They don't think about Okay, like, I think that this
15:25
Speaker 2: is what I want, so I'm just going to start
15:26
Speaker 2: doing this.
15:26
Speaker 3: But the joy is in the process.
15:29
Speaker 2: And if you're not having the joy in the process,
15:31
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter how glitzy and glamorous and exciting this
15:34
Speaker 2: mountaintop looks like. You won't get to that place if
15:38
Speaker 2: you're not enjoying the journey on the way there.
15:40
Speaker 1: Every essay in my first well the book that got
15:44
Speaker 1: popular for one hundred and essays, it changed my life
15:46
Speaker 1: to write it, do you know what I mean? And
15:48
Speaker 1: then when I had it was first posted online, I
15:51
Speaker 1: don't know, like a few people read it, like it
15:53
Speaker 1: was not like a thing like at all, and I
15:56
Speaker 1: didn't care, do you know what I mean? Like I
15:58
Speaker 1: just didn't even the fact that anyone read it was
16:00
Speaker 1: like wow, and also kind of like made me self conscious.
16:03
Speaker 1: But you know, every part of that was such a deep,
16:08
Speaker 1: meaningful experience to me. And then you know, on top
16:11
Speaker 1: of that, it took seven years for that book to
16:16
Speaker 1: you know, even get I think it was seven or
16:19
Speaker 1: eight years. And then all at once, I think that
16:23
Speaker 1: in the Mountains you was like number one and number
16:25
Speaker 1: two in like seven countries, a much something, and then
16:27
Speaker 1: all the translations start, and then it was kind of like, Okay,
16:29
Speaker 1: we're in the arena now, but it was years years
16:33
Speaker 1: of like not just being consistent, but like a trial
16:37
Speaker 1: and error. So like there's like two different skill sets.
16:40
Speaker 1: There's the skill set of writing or creating the thing,
16:43
Speaker 1: and then there's the skill set of getting it to
16:45
Speaker 1: the people who want to read it. And it's two
16:49
Speaker 1: different things, and it's two different parts of your brain
16:53
Speaker 1: you have to kind of build simultaneously, do you know
16:55
Speaker 1: what I mean? And also in harmony with one another,
16:59
Speaker 1: because I think it gets hard to feel proud or
17:01
Speaker 1: in integrity if they're not in harmony. And I think
17:04
Speaker 1: that there are so many ways, especially today, you know,
17:09
Speaker 1: to meet your needs in both arenas, but also to
17:12
Speaker 1: understand it is a process. It is a seriously, it
17:16
Speaker 1: is a huge process of trial and error. But I oh,
17:20
Speaker 1: my gosh, who said Cody Sanchez? I think she had
17:24
Speaker 1: a video where she was saying, you know her the
17:29
Speaker 1: with one mentor that she really looks up to and
17:31
Speaker 1: has helped her so much. She said, you know, what's
17:33
Speaker 1: the one thing you could say to me? And he
17:37
Speaker 1: was talking about speed. He was like, because I moved
17:41
Speaker 1: quickly before anyone else has even gotten a chance. He's like,
17:45
Speaker 1: I've done it twice, failed once, and I'm already trying
17:48
Speaker 1: to develop a better way. And that resonated with me
17:53
Speaker 1: because that speed and that decisiveness is something I feel
17:59
Speaker 1: I have or I try to have and no, but
18:03
Speaker 1: I think it comes kind of naturally though, like I
18:04
Speaker 1: just kind of do it, but like, and it's really
18:07
Speaker 1: been productive for me. And it also has to come
18:10
Speaker 1: though with a fearlessness of like I'm going to look
18:14
Speaker 1: like there's no world in which I'm leaving this earth
18:17
Speaker 1: not doing this damn thing. Okay, one way or another,
18:21
Speaker 1: I'm going to keep trying, like and if I fail,
18:24
Speaker 1: there's a way of even appreciating all the one hundred
18:28
Speaker 1: failures along the way. You know, I think I've heard
18:30
Speaker 1: this before too. It's like if you knew you were
18:32
Speaker 1: twenty no's away from the as, how excited would you
18:35
Speaker 1: be toing it every now? You'd be like, Okay, one
18:37
Speaker 1: more down, one more down, keep going because if you
18:40
Speaker 1: do keep going, like it is inevitable, you will get there.
18:43
Speaker 1: But you have to adapt, you have to learn, you
18:44
Speaker 1: have to grow with it, you have to kind of
18:46
Speaker 1: nurture it. And stay with it and commit to it if.
18:49
Speaker 2: You knew you were twenty nos away from Yes, What
18:52
Speaker 2: a perspective shift, right. I appreciate what you shared about
19:00
Speaker 2: being afraid at the beginning revealing so much of yourself
19:04
Speaker 2: through your writing. How did you get over that hurdle
19:08
Speaker 2: in the pursuit of writing even more and sharing in
19:12
Speaker 2: a bigger way?
19:12
Speaker 1: You know, people ask me this and I don't have
19:16
Speaker 1: a good answer for it because I don't really know,
19:18
Speaker 1: and I've thought about it a lot. It just stopped
19:21
Speaker 1: bothering me one day. I think it was just doing
19:23
Speaker 1: it over and over again, and then eventually I was
19:25
Speaker 1: kind of like, all right, I can do this. But no,
19:28
Speaker 1: it was like a huge fear at the beginning. But
19:30
Speaker 1: I think it's also been gradual in some ways where
19:34
Speaker 1: I think that because I know that what I created
19:38
Speaker 1: and was creating and and creating is in truth, I
19:41
Speaker 1: find this deep piece in that It's like whether you
19:45
Speaker 1: like it or whether you don't, whether you read it,
19:47
Speaker 1: whether you don't, whether you think it's great, whether you
19:49
Speaker 1: think it sucks. The thing that I feel I can
19:53
Speaker 1: really rest in is but it was real for me,
19:56
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like that was true for me,
20:00
Speaker 1: that was the best that I could do at that moment.
20:03
Speaker 2: More often than not, if someone is criticizing someone's beginning,
20:07
Speaker 2: then there is something that they're doing at The person
20:10
Speaker 2: that is making those judgments is either envious of or
20:13
Speaker 2: jealous over, or whatever the case may be. That person's
20:17
Speaker 2: still on the bench and you're in the middle of
20:19
Speaker 2: the field, right.
20:20
Speaker 1: Yes, one hundred percent. We have to be mindful of
20:25
Speaker 1: not taking criticism of people. We wouldn't take advice from,
20:28
Speaker 1: advice from excuse me, and not taking advice from people
20:31
Speaker 1: we wouldn't want to switch places with advice from people
20:35
Speaker 1: who who, as you just said, they're on the bench.
20:39
Speaker 1: You try it. I think I think I said this once,
20:41
Speaker 1: like a really unhinged like this is years ago. I'm like,
20:45
Speaker 1: I can't care anymore, but like I remember someone like
20:47
Speaker 1: ness like your book was done, book was done or something,
20:50
Speaker 1: And I seriously think I said, like, when you write
20:52
Speaker 1: a book, and I'll read yours and I'll let you
20:54
Speaker 1: know what I think, Like, do you know what I mean?
20:56
Speaker 1: You try it.
20:59
Speaker 2: I can guarant to you that when that person messaged you,
21:02
Speaker 2: it wasn't about the book at all.
21:03
Speaker 1: It never is It seriously never is. And I think
21:07
Speaker 1: that when you're dealing with people who are also in
21:10
Speaker 1: the arena or in a arena of their own lives,
21:13
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to even be the same thing, but
21:15
Speaker 1: like they get it. It's like you can either meet
21:19
Speaker 1: each other eye to eye or like I feel like
21:22
Speaker 1: ten times out of ten, there's an incredible amount of support,
21:26
Speaker 1: like wisdom, shared advice given, like I have felt nothing
21:30
Speaker 1: but genuinely like encouraged and supported if you're even just trying,
21:34
Speaker 1: Like you can recognize someone else who's trying, and then
21:37
Speaker 1: you hold that like space for them of like hell, yeah,
21:40
Speaker 1: get after it.
21:41
Speaker 3: Yet after it now so many books.
21:43
Speaker 2: In reflecting on that first book, do you remember the
21:48
Speaker 2: yes that you got that turned that book into a reality.
21:52
Speaker 1: Yeah, But I'm with an independent publisher and so it
21:56
Speaker 1: was like a very like small production and like that,
21:59
Speaker 1: and my first three were more experimental than anything. Honestly,
22:04
Speaker 1: it was thrilling to be able to do it, but
22:07
Speaker 1: it kind of went in with the understanding that, you know,
22:13
Speaker 1: I had to just kind of be grounded and realistic
22:16
Speaker 1: of what would come of it. And I think that
22:21
Speaker 1: sometimes we go in thinking like Okay, like I tried
22:25
Speaker 1: this once or I had this mustered up this much
22:27
Speaker 1: courage to do this, like this has to be the
22:29
Speaker 1: thing that's successful, this has to be the thing that
22:32
Speaker 1: does it that changes my life. But for me, it
22:35
Speaker 1: was the process of writing more and more books that
22:37
Speaker 1: I figured out like how to even do it.
22:41
Speaker 2: But I'm sure that when you went into writing those
22:43
Speaker 2: first handful of books that you had a preconceived notion
22:47
Speaker 2: that it should be a different way than you were
22:49
Speaker 2: going about it now.
22:50
Speaker 1: Absolutely, Being like in the industry and on the back
22:54
Speaker 1: end for as many years as I have been, you
22:57
Speaker 1: have such a different perspective on life, like everything, do
23:01
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like you're like, oh, okay,
23:02
Speaker 1: that's why that works this way, or like that's why
23:05
Speaker 1: this happens this way, or and it's all these technical
23:08
Speaker 1: things too. It's like, well that's why this is stopped here,
23:10
Speaker 1: that's why we're having an issue here, or this is
23:12
Speaker 1: why we like have to be on Amazon. Before you're
23:15
Speaker 1: in it, it's you don't really get it, and you're
23:20
Speaker 1: really a grant. I understand, we're going to do the
23:23
Speaker 1: best we can.
23:23
Speaker 3: What's the biggest learning curve been for you?
23:26
Speaker 1: The thing that I've learned the most is how to
23:31
Speaker 1: know what other people will resonate with, which is a
23:37
Speaker 1: skill more than I think. It's like an ability you
23:40
Speaker 1: don't do or don't have, and I think that it
23:44
Speaker 1: applies to pretty much literally like any industry, any profession,
23:49
Speaker 1: any kind of business, like anything you're trying to do
23:52
Speaker 1: in life that appeals or in some way has to
23:54
Speaker 1: interact with other people. Being able to understand that, I
24:00
Speaker 1: think is like foundational, like fundamental, And I feel like
24:04
Speaker 1: all of these years have been this huge learning curve.
24:07
Speaker 1: I notice if I do a post, they like some
24:11
Speaker 1: fonts over others. They're like, it's the same words, but
24:14
Speaker 1: like if I really look into it, it's like the
24:17
Speaker 1: Sarah line on this spont no matter how tiny these
24:20
Speaker 1: words even are, is easier for the eye to read,
24:24
Speaker 1: and so like they will sit with it more than
24:27
Speaker 1: they wouldn't other I mean, it's like, seriously, it's like
24:28
Speaker 1: little things like that that you maybe wouldn't even think of.
24:31
Speaker 1: And so I always felt like it was important and
24:36
Speaker 1: is important for things to come from a place of oh,
24:39
Speaker 1: this feels empowering, and I want that, like I want
24:42
Speaker 1: that really badly. Actually, for my readers, which is like
24:45
Speaker 1: I want I want them to feel empowered and stronger
24:48
Speaker 1: and like proud of themselves and like inspired.
24:53
Speaker 3: What makes you feel empowered, Rihanna.
24:55
Speaker 1: Having a vision for something, kind of having a dream
24:58
Speaker 1: for it and then seeing it through. And it's seeing
25:02
Speaker 1: it through not even the creative process, but seeing it
25:05
Speaker 1: through the hurdles, seeing it through the challenges, seeing it
25:07
Speaker 1: through the failures, and not giving up and being willing
25:11
Speaker 1: to adapt, to change, to meet it, to grow, but
25:15
Speaker 1: not to give up being with something from the point
25:18
Speaker 1: where it gets just an idea in your head into
25:21
Speaker 1: like it's this tangible thing in the world now other
25:23
Speaker 1: people are experiencing. It's like almost trippy, but it's so
25:26
Speaker 1: cool and it is so empowering because you realize just
25:29
Speaker 1: how much power you have.
25:32
Speaker 2: I want to kind of exemplify this using your journey
25:37
Speaker 2: here because someone here is it's so powerful to have
25:40
Speaker 2: an idea and see it through.
25:41
Speaker 3: And I'm so proud of myself that I didn't get
25:43
Speaker 3: off the path.
25:43
Speaker 2: But that doesn't mean that there aren't, as you said,
25:47
Speaker 2: so many hurdles and obstacles in your.
25:49
Speaker 3: Way going down that path.
25:51
Speaker 2: What would you say were the biggest obstacles for you
25:55
Speaker 2: when you began sharing your writing in this world in
26:00
Speaker 2: this book format, pivoting from where you started with your writing.
26:04
Speaker 1: First one that comes to mind is financial. I think, yeah,
26:07
Speaker 1: because I remember the moment when I seriously knew and
26:10
Speaker 1: I can't even explain it beyond this. I literally remember
26:13
Speaker 1: the moment where I was like I meant to stop
26:16
Speaker 1: doing all this other work, and like I meant to
26:19
Speaker 1: just pour myself into these books, and like this is
26:23
Speaker 1: not a supervible pan at the time, Like I did
26:26
Speaker 1: figure it out, but at the time it was there's
26:29
Speaker 1: a lot of self tru of no, I will figure
26:33
Speaker 1: this out. But then the others I think came through
26:39
Speaker 1: lacking a sense of self and self confidence of like
26:42
Speaker 1: I'm going to put myself out there in this way,
26:44
Speaker 1: Like who do I think I am? An author? Do
26:46
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like when I write books,
26:48
Speaker 1: Like there's the sense of you're kind of positioning yourself
26:52
Speaker 1: when you're just starting out on anything. You are positioning
26:58
Speaker 1: yourself as a public figure for you are one. Does
27:03
Speaker 1: that make sense?
27:04
Speaker 2: You're positioning yourself as who you want to be while
27:08
Speaker 2: you are becoming it.
27:09
Speaker 1: Yes, because that's the only way you get there. I
27:12
Speaker 1: have to act as an author would act, and write
27:14
Speaker 1: as an author would write, and create as because other
27:17
Speaker 1: that's the only path to it. But it's at those
27:19
Speaker 1: beginning phases when I'm going from not that to that,
27:23
Speaker 1: I think I think I at least experienced a lot
27:25
Speaker 1: of kind of anxiety of people being like are you,
27:28
Speaker 1: Like are you out of your mind? Like what do
27:30
Speaker 1: you You're not doing?
27:32
Speaker 2: It's highly understandable, though it makes me think about the
27:35
Speaker 2: saying if you have a body, you're an athlete, But
27:37
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean that everyone who goes for a run
27:41
Speaker 2: or goes to the gym identifies in that way.
27:43
Speaker 3: But still it is true.
27:45
Speaker 2: Right, just because you might, for instance, run a mile
27:49
Speaker 2: and it takes you eighteen minutes, doesn't mean that you're
27:52
Speaker 2: running any less far than someone who does it in
27:55
Speaker 2: a ten minutes faster amount of time.
27:57
Speaker 1: That's right. Yeah, And it kind of goes back to
27:59
Speaker 1: what we were saying too about you know, the people we
28:03
Speaker 1: idolize who we think are our heroes in so many ways,
28:06
Speaker 1: and it's like, well, who were they before they were
28:09
Speaker 1: that person? It's like, you know, they were a human
28:11
Speaker 1: being having their life and experiences. But it's like you
28:14
Speaker 1: get there by doing, but sometimes it can feel, I
28:18
Speaker 1: think hard to commit to the doing when your self
28:22
Speaker 1: concept and your idea of yourself is not that yet,
28:25
Speaker 1: so it's like you have to shift it alongside.
28:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I totally understand what you mean. You said
28:32
Speaker 2: that you ultimately figured it out. When we're talking about
28:35
Speaker 2: shifting into books. I would love for you to give
28:38
Speaker 2: us some color on what that process looked like, because
28:42
Speaker 2: I think that that is such a really beautiful testament
28:47
Speaker 2: to where your passions laid, where.
28:51
Speaker 3: Your why was.
28:53
Speaker 2: You had such a strong why that you were willing
28:55
Speaker 2: to do things that you had never done to get
28:57
Speaker 2: to somewhere that you had never been.
28:59
Speaker 1: I really anything but words from those books for years, literally,
29:04
Speaker 1: and I I mean like I went hard. And I
29:10
Speaker 1: remember at one point I like posted a close friends
29:13
Speaker 1: story and I was like listen, like to all, oh no,
29:15
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be close friends at the time, it would
29:18
Speaker 1: have been public at the time, where I just said it, listen,
29:19
Speaker 1: like if you are a friend of mine and like
29:21
Speaker 1: you were not into this like type of writing or whatever,
29:23
Speaker 1: and you don't want to follow this account anymore, like
29:25
Speaker 1: please feel free to go. Absolutely no hard feelings like
29:27
Speaker 1: if this just isn't your thing, like I'm not offended.
29:30
Speaker 1: I'm just going to let you know that I'm going
29:31
Speaker 1: to be doing this like a lot. And to me,
29:34
Speaker 1: that kind of helped ease the transition where I was like, look,
29:37
Speaker 1: just fyi you guys, like I'm going for this thing,
29:39
Speaker 1: like you don't, Like, I'm not genuinely not infunded if
29:41
Speaker 1: you are not into it. It's like, you know, it's
29:44
Speaker 1: like a genre of any kind of music or writing.
29:46
Speaker 1: It like if you're not into it, you're not into it.
29:48
Speaker 1: And that's okay. I've always believed in there was this
29:54
Speaker 1: the artist's name is escaping me right now, but there's
29:56
Speaker 1: this quote it's actually in the book, by the way
29:59
Speaker 1: the piece is put together create a semblance of the whole.
30:01
Speaker 1: And I really have like lived that and seen and
30:06
Speaker 1: come to understand the power of that, which is like,
30:09
Speaker 1: if you show up to the world as a writer,
30:12
Speaker 1: every single time they experience you, like they start to
30:15
Speaker 1: think of you that way. And when they start to
30:17
Speaker 1: think of you that way, they start to treat you
30:18
Speaker 1: that way. When they're to treat you that way, it's
30:20
Speaker 1: like all these doors start to open up, Like you
30:22
Speaker 1: start getting the calls, you know what I mean. Whereas
30:25
Speaker 1: like if it was you know, every fifth or sixth
30:28
Speaker 1: time I'm showing up, I'm like in the writer hat.
30:30
Speaker 1: They perceive it as something I kind of do, so
30:33
Speaker 1: I'm not as serious about and so I think there's
30:36
Speaker 1: like a real like art to like how we show
30:42
Speaker 1: up and where and to whom, and like how consistently
30:45
Speaker 1: and trust me, I know, to each their own one.
30:50
Speaker 1: I just mean for my own self, it was showing
30:53
Speaker 1: up for this like basically come hell or high water,
30:56
Speaker 1: like NonStop for years and years and years and years
30:58
Speaker 1: years was the answer.
31:05
Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to give some love
31:09
Speaker 2: to my sponsor at Brooks Running, I am ready to
31:12
Speaker 2: scream it from the rooftops. The new Brooks glycerin twenty
31:17
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31:22
Speaker 2: current rotation. I did my twelve mile run in it
31:26
Speaker 2: last weekend. I did some mile repeats in it last
31:31
Speaker 2: week and it felt so freeing on both. I love
31:35
Speaker 2: a sneaker understatement that you don't think twice about when
31:38
Speaker 2: it's on your feet, so I want something that feels
31:41
Speaker 2: like a second skin. And the glcerin twenty two delivers.
31:45
Speaker 2: It felt cushioned and distraction free and allowed me to
31:48
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31:53
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31:58
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32:04
Speaker 2: the double jack card knit upper is like a second skin.
32:07
Speaker 2: It offers a flexible, accommodating fit that moves with me
32:11
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32:15
Speaker 2: the foam in this shoe. It's DNA tuned nitrogen infused foam,
32:20
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32:23
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32:27
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32:30
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33:03
Speaker 2: give some love to my sponsor at Element the way
33:06
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Speaker 3: That's so powerful.
34:37
Speaker 2: And I'm sitting here, I mean transparently as an individual
34:40
Speaker 2: that does a lot of things right. I love podcasting,
34:44
Speaker 2: I love these conversations. I'm also a contributing writer, something
34:48
Speaker 2: that you are familiar with. I am a certified professional coach,
34:52
Speaker 2: which you can like into a life coach, and I
34:54
Speaker 2: love working with women and talking about values and goal
34:57
Speaker 2: setting and things like this. But by being such a
35:01
Speaker 2: multi hyphen it, it's almost as though I'm watering down,
35:06
Speaker 2: albeit unintentionally, so many of my skills.
35:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know, obviously, like there's so much power
35:13
Speaker 1: and beauty to being a multi hyphenit, so like you know,
35:16
Speaker 1: that's like and I think that when we become like
35:20
Speaker 1: our most actualized selves, I think more of us lean
35:23
Speaker 1: in that direction than not. But there's like a to me,
35:27
Speaker 1: there's a difference between like what I have going on
35:29
Speaker 1: in my life and when I'm showing you do you
35:31
Speaker 1: know what I mean? And I try to be strategic
35:34
Speaker 1: about that because it begins to form the perception in
35:39
Speaker 1: It's again, it's not just about how people think of you,
35:42
Speaker 1: it's how they interact with you. It's like the opportunities
35:44
Speaker 1: they call you for. Oh my gosh, that had such
35:47
Speaker 1: a good example of this the other day. So I
35:48
Speaker 1: don't even post photos of myself for years and years
35:50
Speaker 1: and years and years and years. It was just the writing.
35:52
Speaker 1: I was like, I just have to get the writing
35:53
Speaker 1: out there, and like, I went hard and I don't know,
35:58
Speaker 1: I posted a phote because I'm trying to like bring
36:01
Speaker 1: my soul back into it again. And I posted a
36:03
Speaker 1: photo myself. What I got, I'm not even kidding you.
36:06
Speaker 1: It was something like seven I forget the number of
36:10
Speaker 1: requests to speak. And I was so floored by this.
36:14
Speaker 1: I was like, where is this all coming from? And
36:17
Speaker 1: it was just from seeing me. And I was like,
36:20
Speaker 1: but this again is a further testimony and testament I
36:23
Speaker 1: should say to like when we show up in a
36:27
Speaker 1: certain way, like it kind of has this like mirroring effect,
36:30
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? It's like the most
36:31
Speaker 1: like have this realization. So it's I think it's more
36:34
Speaker 1: of a question of like in this part of your
36:37
Speaker 1: life in this moment, whatever you're trying to build, whatever
36:39
Speaker 1: you're trying to create, it's like, what do I want
36:41
Speaker 1: to show up and like expand in my life? And
36:45
Speaker 1: I think there's like a way to have a beautiful
36:47
Speaker 1: balance of it. But I just will say that for me,
36:50
Speaker 1: hyper focusing on that when I get questions about like
36:54
Speaker 1: work life balance, which I am completely unequipped to answer,
36:59
Speaker 1: and I I don't have any good answers because I'm like,
37:01
Speaker 1: I don't know, because the only time things have ever
37:05
Speaker 1: like truly truly worked for me is when I've been
37:09
Speaker 1: willing to go into a chapter of not having balance
37:11
Speaker 1: with it. Do you know what I mean? Where it's like, well,
37:14
Speaker 1: you know, I'm going to go all into this for
37:16
Speaker 1: a period of time and obvious doesn't mean neglect your
37:19
Speaker 1: health and well being helping that, but like you know,
37:22
Speaker 1: I'm going to go all and I'm going to devote
37:23
Speaker 1: I'm going to be with this and be about this
37:26
Speaker 1: and be unwavering in it. And that for me was
37:30
Speaker 1: always what created the momentum to make it go where
37:32
Speaker 1: I wanted to go. And then you know, kind of
37:34
Speaker 1: once things were moving like that, I was like Okay, I
37:36
Speaker 1: bring other elements of my life back in now. But
37:39
Speaker 1: even if I'm like leading up to like a book
37:41
Speaker 1: launch or something like, I will like be very intentional about,
37:45
Speaker 1: you know, leading with what I want people to respond, Tom.
37:50
Speaker 2: Have you ever had an experience going all in that
37:52
Speaker 2: you regretted it?
37:53
Speaker 1: Never? But I think it's because I've never gone all
37:56
Speaker 1: in unless I was sure. It's not something I would
38:01
Speaker 1: I do or have ever done lightly, And honestly, I
38:05
Speaker 1: probably dragged my feet.
38:06
Speaker 3: On I'm gonna have to go all in next week.
38:10
Speaker 3: I'm just not ready yet.
38:12
Speaker 1: Ready yet I would like, yeah, I would kind of
38:14
Speaker 1: like almost like resist or like self sabotage a little,
38:17
Speaker 1: just because I was like, am I sure? And I
38:19
Speaker 1: also I think that's like beautiful too. It's just like,
38:22
Speaker 1: you know, it's kind of this like testing process of
38:24
Speaker 1: like are we sure? And I think that's okay. It's
38:28
Speaker 1: like dating before marriage kind of thing, do you know
38:31
Speaker 1: what I mean? It's like, it's okay, it's okay to
38:33
Speaker 1: have that have a testing to make sure you have
38:36
Speaker 1: this much resolve and certainty before you devote just so
38:40
Speaker 1: much of your time and resources and energy and life
38:43
Speaker 1: to something. Do you know what I mean. And there's
38:45
Speaker 1: so much that all came together to give me the
38:49
Speaker 1: skills they needed to go all in that I gathered
38:53
Speaker 1: while I was parsed out on different things, do you
38:55
Speaker 1: know what I mean? It's like they everything served a
38:58
Speaker 1: purpose ultimately. But you know, I do know people, though,
39:02
Speaker 1: who have gone all in on things and have regreded
39:05
Speaker 1: it pretty consistently. Listen, there's someone I'm not thinking of,
39:08
Speaker 1: but pretty consistently. It's like not something they thought about
39:11
Speaker 1: for a long time, you know what I mean. By
39:13
Speaker 1: the time I was like, okay, I'm all in on books,
39:16
Speaker 1: like I had published my first one like eight ten
39:18
Speaker 1: years ago, do you know what I mean? Like it
39:19
Speaker 1: had been a while of Okay, we're here now.
39:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, But I really you had really thought about it.
39:25
Speaker 2: There were a lot of tools that you already had
39:27
Speaker 2: in your toolbox that you were ready to use to execute.
39:30
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I don't advocate for or encourage the whole
39:34
Speaker 1: like starving artist thing, and I don't believe in it.
39:37
Speaker 1: They don't like it.
39:38
Speaker 2: I feel like going all in when you're an author,
39:40
Speaker 2: it's kind of like when you move to a new city,
39:43
Speaker 2: Like when I moved to New York City. I was
39:45
Speaker 2: told that I needed to have six months of a
39:48
Speaker 2: certain amount of expenses ready at any given moment.
39:51
Speaker 3: Right. I didn't just move and say I'm going to
39:53
Speaker 3: figure it out.
39:54
Speaker 2: I you know, when I had those six months of
39:57
Speaker 2: a cushion, was like, Okay, I can now move to
40:00
Speaker 2: New York City and then I'll figure it out.
40:02
Speaker 1: Yes. And for a lot of the many of those
40:06
Speaker 1: first years, I was doing other things that like pay
40:09
Speaker 1: the bills, you know what I mean. Yeah, but I didn't.
40:13
Speaker 1: That didn't even really matter to me. I didn't coher
40:15
Speaker 1: it into that identity, you know what I mean. Like
40:17
Speaker 1: it was like whatever pays the bills, don't even care.
40:20
Speaker 1: It's like the way I want the world to receive
40:23
Speaker 1: me is as this, because this is where I'm like heading.
40:26
Speaker 1: And also that like not only is that not a failure,
40:29
Speaker 1: it's like every person you know, even like the most
40:31
Speaker 1: successful person you know, like has like a wildly diversified
40:35
Speaker 1: way of like getting their needs met or like their
40:38
Speaker 1: investments or whatever it is they have going on. And
40:40
Speaker 1: it's really for pretty much nobody. It's never just like
40:44
Speaker 1: one thing. But I think there can be at least
40:47
Speaker 1: there is for me, a difference between like, you know, well,
40:49
Speaker 1: here's why I consistently show up versus it's like you
40:51
Speaker 1: about all these things happening behind the scenes, but not
40:53
Speaker 1: everything to me is like for the public.
40:56
Speaker 2: I understand what you're saying, and I think that it's
41:00
Speaker 2: how you view what you're sharing and what the purpose
41:04
Speaker 2: of the share is.
41:06
Speaker 1: And how few people, I think, even pause for a
41:09
Speaker 1: second in their lives whatever they're doing, to be like,
41:13
Speaker 1: what is my intention with this? Why do you know
41:17
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I've had this theory for a while
41:20
Speaker 1: that we have about thirteen seconds a week of people's
41:23
Speaker 1: true attention thirteen Yeah, and again there's like I don't
41:27
Speaker 1: know how I came up with this, but like, over time,
41:29
Speaker 1: I've just felt this more and more true. So you
41:31
Speaker 1: know what, someone disproved me, please, but I have always
41:35
Speaker 1: felt it and I've seen it where it's like you
41:38
Speaker 1: have about thirteen seconds a week of people's like true
41:41
Speaker 1: pure attention, Like you have that much time to really
41:44
Speaker 1: make them notice something, and then past that they can
41:48
Speaker 1: observe it or experience it that they don't fully connect
41:53
Speaker 1: with it with that like completeness, and so it doesn't
41:57
Speaker 1: matter what else you're doing after the thirteen seconds. It's
42:00
Speaker 1: just a matter of making sure you know what you're
42:03
Speaker 1: using those thirteen seconds on.
42:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's an interesting theory.
42:06
Speaker 2: The thirteen second approach, so to speak, has been something
42:11
Speaker 2: in your toolbox that has helped you a mass of
42:14
Speaker 2: following of over a million people who are now then
42:17
Speaker 2: converting into fans of these books. You talk so much
42:23
Speaker 2: about how you are portraying yourself online and what it
42:27
Speaker 2: is that you are trying to provide from a value perspective,
42:31
Speaker 2: what it is that people see when they show up
42:34
Speaker 2: to your corner of the internet. But when you look
42:37
Speaker 2: in the mirror, Brianna, what do you see looking back
42:41
Speaker 2: at you.
42:42
Speaker 1: I don't see like a writer. I just see like
42:44
Speaker 1: a person. Like I feel like I see the same
42:47
Speaker 1: thing that I saw when I was like a kid,
42:51
Speaker 1: which I think is good. But like I also something
42:54
Speaker 1: that I've had to work on bridging is cognitive dissonance
43:00
Speaker 1: between like I still feel like the same person in
43:03
Speaker 1: a studio apartment twelve years ago who wrote those books,
43:06
Speaker 1: Like internally I don't feel it, and then there's this
43:10
Speaker 1: big cognitive dissonance of but the world doesn't see you
43:13
Speaker 1: that way. Do you know what I mean. So it's
43:15
Speaker 1: like how I feel and how it's like changed, and
43:18
Speaker 1: so it takes a little bit of like maturing, I think,
43:23
Speaker 1: and kind of just like pacing and like meeting the
43:25
Speaker 1: moment and what things are now. But I just see
43:29
Speaker 1: someone who's trying. I'm so serious. I'm so I'm actually
43:37
Speaker 1: so serious. I just really see someone that's like just
43:41
Speaker 1: it's just trying, Like.
43:42
Speaker 3: For real, what's the genuine why?
43:45
Speaker 2: What is the thing that kept you writing in the
43:49
Speaker 2: studio apartment. What is the thing that encourages you to
43:55
Speaker 2: do that level of maturing so that you can keep
43:58
Speaker 2: showing up to these words to paper.
44:02
Speaker 1: Doing it saved and changed my life. Doing it is
44:06
Speaker 1: my main therapeutic practice. It's how I reframe anything and everything.
44:11
Speaker 1: Anytime I needed an answer and didn't have it, I
44:13
Speaker 1: would just make one up. I would just write it
44:15
Speaker 1: down for myself, and it would change how I felt,
44:18
Speaker 1: how I was experiencing the world, what I was seeing.
44:20
Speaker 1: And it's like whether people are reading it or not,
44:24
Speaker 1: like it doesn't even matter, because it's like the experience
44:28
Speaker 1: of creating it for myself had had and has such
44:32
Speaker 1: an impact that it is intrinsically rewarding for me, and
44:38
Speaker 1: then everything else is just amazing on top of it.
44:41
Speaker 1: But it's also like it kind of has to be that,
44:43
Speaker 1: like we were saying, because it's like, not everyone's going to,
44:47
Speaker 1: you know, meet the book the same way. Sometimes it
44:49
Speaker 1: takes eight years for them to even know it's out there,
44:52
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? So it's like you
44:54
Speaker 1: have to be so true with it because you know
44:56
Speaker 1: it's again, like it really is a process.
44:59
Speaker 3: When you say it saved you, what do you mean
45:03
Speaker 3: by that?
45:04
Speaker 1: I mean that in a really literal, like mental health way,
45:07
Speaker 1: but I also mean it in a kind of broader way,
45:12
Speaker 1: and just I think it saved me from myself, and
45:15
Speaker 1: I think it saved me from making worse decisions than
45:20
Speaker 1: I was already making because I was actively trying to
45:23
Speaker 1: like reframe my mind and think about my future self
45:29
Speaker 1: more than my present discomfort.
45:33
Speaker 2: I'm trying to like put myself in the shoes of
45:34
Speaker 2: someone who's like hearing you, and you're like, writing helps
45:36
Speaker 2: save my life and it helped me make better decisions
45:38
Speaker 2: and all these things, and that sounds so well and good,
45:41
Speaker 2: but it's not like that happened in any sort of
45:43
Speaker 2: an immediate time frame. So for someone right now that
45:46
Speaker 2: is maybe thinking, Okay, I'm looking for solace or I
45:49
Speaker 2: need to save myself, or I am standing in my
45:52
Speaker 2: own way, what do you say to them?
45:54
Speaker 3: Right?
45:54
Speaker 2: Because you had to hold on to something to keep
45:57
Speaker 2: going when it wasn't happening.
45:59
Speaker 3: And I'm going to use air quotes on this fast enough.
46:01
Speaker 1: Read and not even my books, seriously, not even mine,
46:05
Speaker 1: like read because it did happen for me instantly, and
46:10
Speaker 1: it was through reading other people's wisdom, other people's reframes,
46:16
Speaker 1: other people's thoughts. That was kind of the original experience.
46:20
Speaker 1: And then writing was kind of me just taking on
46:23
Speaker 1: that practice for my own self. But the origin of
46:26
Speaker 1: it was me finding other people who wrote the way
46:33
Speaker 1: that I needed and wanted to think. And that's really
46:37
Speaker 1: what changed my life. And then I just became the
46:38
Speaker 1: person creating it.
46:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, when someone in that vein, they look at you
46:47
Speaker 2: as this person that's creating the reality or the thought
46:50
Speaker 2: processes that they too want to adopt. They look at
46:54
Speaker 2: you maybe and I know this word gets thrown around
46:56
Speaker 2: a little bit, but as a bit of a guru
47:00
Speaker 2: of thousands that every morning I get up and I
47:02
Speaker 2: pick up your book the impact is real and the
47:05
Speaker 2: impact is there, and when you hear that, what does
47:11
Speaker 2: that insight within you?
47:13
Speaker 3: It makes me laugh someime.
47:17
Speaker 1: I was just like so not just that it makes
47:19
Speaker 1: me laugh, like oh God. But then my mind goes
47:24
Speaker 1: to what I hope you feel is a friend who
47:32
Speaker 1: is walking a parallel path or has walked there is
47:37
Speaker 1: nothing you could go through that at least one other person,
47:41
Speaker 1: if not many have not gone through some form of
47:45
Speaker 1: as well. And I know it feels like you know
47:51
Speaker 1: there's something like wrong with you and only you, and
47:56
Speaker 1: it's like to realize how much that isn't the case,
48:00
Speaker 1: like ah, what an exhale, like Okay, we can figure
48:03
Speaker 1: this out.
48:04
Speaker 2: On your journey, you mentioned that there have been so
48:07
Speaker 2: many hurdles to get you to where you are, to
48:09
Speaker 2: being in this place where you're just releasing this newest book.
48:13
Speaker 2: Were there any hurdles in particular that almost hassuaded you
48:18
Speaker 2: from continuing on the path at all?
48:20
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, lots, I think the I really think the
48:28
Speaker 1: biggest and most consistent one over time is the fear
48:31
Speaker 1: of what other people would think and that their judgment
48:37
Speaker 1: or perception would dominate over my own and would become
48:40
Speaker 1: who I am? What if everyone hates me? Do you
48:43
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like what I everyone thinks I'm stupid?
48:45
Speaker 1: Like it's these fears I think held me back more
48:50
Speaker 1: than anything. And I feel like everyone I talked to
48:54
Speaker 1: has some version of that as well. It's like it's
48:57
Speaker 1: like a fear of failure, but like for all various
48:59
Speaker 1: different reasons we had, like who were disappointing? Who are
49:02
Speaker 1: we feeling embarrassed in front of? Like the love we
49:04
Speaker 1: won't get because we're not x y Z. It's like
49:06
Speaker 1: it comes out in all these different ways, but it's
49:09
Speaker 1: just that like fundamental like sense of like do I
49:12
Speaker 1: believe in this? And I'm sure I believe in this
49:15
Speaker 1: enough to keep going even if I fail. And the
49:20
Speaker 1: way I kept finding my way back to that yes,
49:22
Speaker 1: is if this is not for anyone but just for me,
49:26
Speaker 1: that is enough. It was enough and continues to be
49:29
Speaker 1: and that's like kept me on it. And you know,
49:34
Speaker 1: also just you know, not allowing the noise I think
49:43
Speaker 1: two become your only reality or to fear you know,
49:50
Speaker 1: what could happen more than just kind of meeting this
49:52
Speaker 1: moment with your you know, your eyes chest and two
49:55
Speaker 1: feet on the floor and being like, hey, I can,
49:58
Speaker 1: I am capable, I and yes I'm here. I say, yes,
50:02
Speaker 1: I'm doing this and I will figure it out one
50:06
Speaker 1: way or another.
50:07
Speaker 2: It reminds me of that line in one hundred and
50:10
Speaker 2: one Essays, and you wrote, stop asking what am I
50:15
Speaker 2: doing with my life? And start asking what am I
50:18
Speaker 2: doing with my life today? It's so challenging to focus
50:21
Speaker 2: on today.
50:22
Speaker 1: Right, No, it really is.
50:28
Speaker 3: It is it is.
50:30
Speaker 2: And so I mean, practically, as we start to wind
50:33
Speaker 2: down here, how does someone get better about being in
50:37
Speaker 2: the present and, as you stated, so beautifully being where
50:42
Speaker 2: their own two feet are, rather than thinking too far ahead.
50:46
Speaker 1: I think that the reason it feels so difficult for
50:49
Speaker 1: us to just completely let go and be all the
50:51
Speaker 1: way in the moment is because that's not how we're
50:54
Speaker 1: actually supposed to be. It's that our dominant focus has
50:58
Speaker 1: to be in the moment whilst simultaneously kind of gazing
51:03
Speaker 1: toward the future. And that's what kind of allows us
51:07
Speaker 1: to make productive, positive choices for our future selves. And
51:12
Speaker 1: at the same time, in some gentle way connected to
51:15
Speaker 1: the past, where you're reflecting and gleaning wisdom and insight,
51:20
Speaker 1: you're learning from mistakes you made you know, you're not
51:22
Speaker 1: just kind of bulldozing your way through life, but you're
51:25
Speaker 1: you're taking this wisdom with you, right, You're bringing it
51:28
Speaker 1: into this moment. But at the same time, you're in
51:30
Speaker 1: this moment and you're still you know, considering yourself tomorrow,
51:35
Speaker 1: yourself in five years, yourself at the end of your life.
51:37
Speaker 1: But at no time are either of those things, you know,
51:41
Speaker 1: creating a dominance over you being right here and now.
51:45
Speaker 1: But at least for me, I could say that every
51:47
Speaker 1: time I've tried to like let go of it, you know,
51:50
Speaker 1: and just be completely present, I think you almost lose
51:53
Speaker 1: something sometimes where it's like it's more of like a
51:56
Speaker 1: weaving of all three. But I think that people get
52:00
Speaker 1: really stuck in like the future of the past present
52:03
Speaker 1: feels the easiest to lose because it feels like there's
52:05
Speaker 1: the least to deal with there. But that's actually where
52:09
Speaker 1: everything is.
52:10
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's an and both scenario.
52:13
Speaker 2: And I think that when you get very clear on
52:16
Speaker 2: who it is that you are, what it is that's
52:19
Speaker 2: important to you, that allows you to have this filter
52:22
Speaker 2: where you can be aware of what it is that
52:26
Speaker 2: you're after for your future self and simultaneously be a
52:30
Speaker 2: bit more in the moment.
52:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's exactly right.
52:33
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Wow.
52:35
Speaker 2: Well, I'm so grateful that we've had this time. There's
52:38
Speaker 2: so much more that I could sit here and ask you.
52:41
Speaker 2: But before I let you go, Brihanna, if you had
52:44
Speaker 2: to offer yourself a piece of advice, let's say, going
52:47
Speaker 2: back to one of those hurdle moments, as you sat
52:50
Speaker 2: there and allowed the fear to be what led you
52:55
Speaker 2: briefly to wonder to yourself, Oh my god, what am
52:58
Speaker 2: I putting into the world?
52:59
Speaker 3: Is what I should be doing?
53:01
Speaker 2: If you had to offer yourself a piece of advice,
53:03
Speaker 2: knowing what you know now going through that hurdle moment,
53:06
Speaker 2: what would you tell.
53:06
Speaker 1: Yourself connect to observe, witness, read about, befriend follow people
53:16
Speaker 1: who are in their arenas, even if it's not exactly
53:21
Speaker 1: your own. Because when you are in even a self
53:26
Speaker 1: generated community where that forward movement is kind of the norm,
53:31
Speaker 1: it becomes way easier to do. And you know, I
53:37
Speaker 1: think it's sometimes really challenging to not feel defeated when
53:42
Speaker 1: you feel like you're the only person. But you're not
53:45
Speaker 1: the only person. It's just in this particular moment you
53:48
Speaker 1: feel you will are disconnected from the so so many
53:53
Speaker 1: others who are doing the same thing. So it's I think,
53:58
Speaker 1: I think TLDR your people and let them inspire you
54:03
Speaker 1: and encourage you and remind you. You know that you
54:09
Speaker 1: are not going to collapse. You know, at the presence
54:13
Speaker 1: of anyone challenge coming up, you're so much bigger than that.
54:18
Speaker 1: And it's almost in the process of confronting that that
54:21
Speaker 1: you realize how much bigger than it you are. But
54:25
Speaker 1: you would never know if you didn't have the courage
54:27
Speaker 1: to kind of face it, go through it and realize, oh,
54:31
Speaker 1: I'm untouched.
54:32
Speaker 3: You just have to look at all of the different arenas.
54:34
Speaker 3: I love that.
54:35
Speaker 2: Well, I'm so again so happy that we were able
54:38
Speaker 2: to do this. For those that aren't following along with
54:41
Speaker 2: you just yet give us your inbo How do we
54:44
Speaker 2: keep up?
54:44
Speaker 1: We keep up on Instagram at Brianna Waste and my
54:48
Speaker 1: website Brianimes dot com that has linked to all the
54:51
Speaker 1: books and stuff.
54:52
Speaker 2: The link to all the books and stuff, and of
54:53
Speaker 2: course again the new book, The Life That's Waiting is
54:56
Speaker 2: out now. I am over at Emily a Body and
55:00
Speaker 2: at Hurdle Podcast Another Hurdle Conquered. Catch you guys, next time.