Latest / 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids. / Allowing Your Child to Fail

Transcript

Allowing Your Child to Fail · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to a new episode of 5-Minute Parenting.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're going to be talking about allowing your child to fail.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: As parents, we all want our children to succeed in small ways and big ways.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: We need to encourage them, support them, and be their best cheerleader.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: But we also need to allow them to fail for their own growth and character development.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Children need to learn that failure can sometimes be the result of their own bad decisions, and those bad decisions have natural consequences.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: If your child fails to complete their homework or complete a school project, the result is usually a bad or failing grade.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: They need to make those connections early between what they do and natural consequences.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: As parents, we shouldn't excuse their bad decisions.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: We can help them make better choices, perhaps by helping them get organized, encouraging them to ask for directions or help if they don't understand how to do something, and depending on their age, giving them other consequences for their bad behavior, like not doing their schoolwork.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: We can do that by taking away privileges, activities, and so forth.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: What we eventually want to happen is for them to internalize their actions and see the corresponding natural consequences of their bad choices and their failures, so that they will choose to do the right thing without us stepping in to add additional consequences.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: We also want them to learn to take responsibility for their failures and not to make excuses or transfer blame.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Another reason our child may experience failure is when they don't obey authority, whether parent, teacher, or God.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: We want them to learn that God and those in authority love them and give them rules and guidelines so that they can become the person God wants them to be, so that they can receive His blessings and become all that He has created them to be.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: We can teach them about repentance and forgiveness when they disobey while still showing them love and acceptance.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: We can also teach them that there are failures that don't result from disobedience or bad decisions.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: They are simply a part of life in growing up.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: We can even share some of our own failures with them as examples, pointing out that our failures help us develop endurance, steadfastness, and resilience, and build our character.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Learning to ride a bike is an example.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: People don't just jump on a bike, balance, and take off riding on the first attempt.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: It takes patience, practice, and perseverance to gain that skill.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: This applies to many areas, many things in our life.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: As parents, our job is to encourage, praise small steps of success, and help them know they are loved even in their failures.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: They may fail at something, but that does not make them a failure.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Children need to be encouraged and know that failure doesn't define them as a person.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Point out that sometimes God even used failures to guide us or protect us, or even lead us in a different direction.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Our children should never fear to try new things because they might fail.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: If they try playing a sport that they're not really good at, it may mean that they need to hang in there and practice more, or it simply might be a sign that they might excel in a different area.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Our children need to view this time in their life as a time to experiment, to discover what they are good at and what they really like to do.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: The best thing we can do as parents is to make sure our kids know we love them even when they fail, and that we are there for them, that God is there for them, that learning how to deal with failure is part of growing up and learning how to be a successful adult.