Latest / Look Who's Talking / Pastor Marvin King - Fatherhood
Transcript
- 0:00You are listening to Look Who's Talking.
- 0:18I am Cameron Minter.
- 0:19I am your co-host and our host, the marvelous, the wonderful.
- 0:24Oh, you call me marvelous today.
- 0:27Marvelous and wonderful.
- 0:28Let me give you two adjectives.
- 0:31Jessica Coffie is our host.
- 0:32How you doing today, Jessica?
- 0:34Hey, y'all.
- 0:35What's going on?
- 0:36Good morning, afternoon, and evening, depending on when you're listening to us.
- 0:40Whenever it is, that's what time it is.
- 0:42Hey, how's the traffic out there?
- 0:45I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.
- 0:47The graduation traffic got us all.
- 0:49Y'all, so I've been in traffic.
- 0:51That's my day because I've had to come to the studio and back and forth to the office.
- 0:56So like, this is my favorite day because school is out.
- 1:03That means UK is out and like the public schools are out.
- 1:07That means I get to get to work in 10 minutes.
- 1:11However, when it's in, it takes 30 and you're sitting in traffic.
- 1:16And today I'm just sitting looking.
- 1:19Congratulations.
- 1:20Graduations are going on.
- 1:22Walking with their caps and gowns.
- 1:24But this is-
- 1:25You're slow too.
- 1:26I know.
- 1:27Yeah, I see it.
- 1:28So I'm gonna go there.
- 1:30When I give you the right to cross my car, you better put some pep in your step.
- 1:36Okay.
- 1:37You know what I'm saying?
- 1:38Please, like-
- 1:39That's rude.
- 1:40That's just rude.
- 1:41These slowest people walk in front of your car when you're trying to get somewhere.
- 1:44That's right.
- 1:45And they look back at you like-
- 1:46And I hear you are trying to be nice.
- 1:47Nice.
- 1:48Oh, let me let this person pass.
- 1:49You did not have to.
- 1:50Let me let them pass.
- 1:51They crossing on your green.
- 1:52And now I'm trying to scoot the car up.
- 1:55I know, right?
- 1:56The tap.
- 1:57I just want to tap them.
- 1:58I know.
- 1:59I don't want to-
- 2:00Sometimes, you know, I had to pray about this, but sometimes I wish I had like a bulldozer
- 2:04and you know, with that nose on it.
- 2:07So when people try me, I do, boom!
- 2:10Yeah, we can't do that.
- 2:13We can't do that.
- 2:15Yeah, I was in my car frustrated.
- 2:18How slow people were going.
- 2:20I know.
- 2:21And I know.
- 2:22I believe I know.
- 2:23That also reminds me, like, have you ever been in the mall and you walk and everybody
- 2:28walk in the same direction and then there's someone in front of you.
- 2:31They walk the speed of a tortoise.
- 2:35Not a turtle, a tortoise.
- 2:36Well, what about driving?
- 2:37Is that-
- 2:38Well, it's the same thing.
- 2:39Yeah.
- 2:40Are you a fast driver?
- 2:43Break the law on a continual basis.
- 2:45You know, the law is for the law breaker.
- 2:48The law is for the law breaker.
- 2:50Anyway, so yeah, that fast lane.
- 2:53My foot may have a little bit of lead in it.
- 2:56I just, you know, I don't mind you not going as fast as I am, but if you're in the fast
- 3:02lane, when you see me come up on you, I come up on you for a purpose.
- 3:07You be riding the tail.
- 3:08Yeah, you know, I'm trying to make sure you understand that, you know.
- 3:12Yeah.
- 3:13When I do that, get on over.
- 3:14Then you can get back over.
- 3:16You know what?
- 3:18Just take a deep breath.
- 3:20That's what we need to do when we're in our car.
- 3:22That's right.
- 3:23We're in a rush to go nowhere.
- 3:27I don't know, depending.
- 3:28Because sometimes I have places to go.
- 3:31Yeah, but when you get there, it's like, oh, I didn't have to rush for this.
- 3:34Yes, I did.
- 3:35No, you did.
- 3:36You are totally disappointed when you get there.
- 3:38You be like, oh, really?
- 3:40Right.
- 3:41Yeah.
- 3:42So what else has been up?
- 3:43What's going on?
- 3:44It's about to be summertime.
- 3:45It's about to be summertime.
- 3:46And I'm not sure if it was this show or if it's a sharing show, but we were talking about
- 3:53swimming and...
- 3:54It wasn't this one.
- 3:56Well, I think it might have been because then you told this lie about you being a lifeguard.
- 4:01I'd never say I...
- 4:03Now, I know I never said I was a lifeguard.
- 4:05I will pull the...
- 4:06Don't you make me pull the shoulders.
- 4:07I said I taught swim lessons to the little children who were scared to dip their head
- 4:14under the water.
- 4:15But you can't swim.
- 4:17I can swim.
- 4:18Stop.
- 4:19We're not doing this again.
- 4:20We're not doing this again.
- 4:21I ain't saving nobody else's.
- 4:22We ain't doing this again.
- 4:23We're not doing this again.
- 4:24But anyway, I want to do some swim lessons.
- 4:26Okay.
- 4:27I'm going to get my grandbaby in the water.
- 4:28My grandbaby loves the water.
- 4:29Oh, you do the swim lessons or swim lessons for your grandchild?
- 4:32Both.
- 4:33Okay.
- 4:34Both.
- 4:35Yeah.
- 4:36And I'm going to talk about the 10 and the 10-month-old.
- 4:37The 10-year-old and the 10-month-old.
- 4:38Because the 10-year-old loves water, but can't put her face in the water.
- 4:45What?
- 4:46What?
- 4:47But you know what?
- 4:49She might have a claustrophobic type thing.
- 4:52Yeah.
- 4:53Yeah.
- 4:54It's time to get over that.
- 4:55Because I can swim.
- 4:56However, I'm not swimming with my face in the water.
- 4:58Stop it.
- 4:59Stop it.
- 5:00Oh my God.
- 5:01What is the definition of swimming?
- 5:03What is your definition of swimming?
- 5:05Floating and not drowning.
- 5:06Oh my God.
- 5:07That is not swimming.
- 5:08Floating.
- 5:09Floating.
- 5:10Okay.
- 5:11Going from A to B without drowning.
- 5:13You don't have to put your-
- 5:14I love that you said drowning.
- 5:16Sorry.
- 5:17My Paducah accent came out.
- 5:20I know.
- 5:21Let's have a Coffie break.
- 5:27Okay, guys.
- 5:33So for today's Coffie break, what I want to tell you is your passion is your greatest
- 5:39asset.
- 5:40Use it to fuel your hustle.
- 5:43So, you know, make that money, don't make- put that money back you, Kev.
- 5:49However, think about the thing that you are passionate about.
- 5:54And if you're really activating and using it in your life or to promote your agency
- 6:01or wherever you are, we know my passion is food.
- 6:06And because I had a supervisor that would allow me to be creative and innovative, that's
- 6:11how we got healthy meals on a budget for our families and our program.
- 6:17So think about those things that you are passionate about and how can you incorporate those things
- 6:23in your life and within, you know, whatever it is you do.
- 6:27You know, that's so funny because when I first graduated from college, you know, I think
- 6:32it's very irresponsible that we put so much pressure on kids to make life changing decisions
- 6:37from high school.
- 6:38So I go to college.
- 6:40What do you want to major in?
- 6:41I want a job.
- 6:43I'm going to do business management and I'm going to make thousands of dollars.
- 6:47Okay, you're going to do that, but you're going to be target third shift and you know,
- 6:51you go ahead and do that.
- 6:53And I found myself in a place where I was like, I am not feeling this.
- 6:59You know, I know I got a degree, but I'm not feeling this.
- 7:03And my passion broke out in graphic design.
- 7:07Oh, wow.
- 7:08All of a sudden I'm supposed to like, I was an admin assistant at this place and I'm supposed
- 7:14to be working and putting up files and stuff and I'm designing stuff, running around the
- 7:20office asking people, hey, what do you think about this?
- 7:23What do you think about that?
- 7:24That's great.
- 7:25It'd be great if you do the filing.
- 7:28But then I realized that my passion was not anything that I went to school for.
- 7:35And God blessed that I was able to tap into my passion and look where it's brought me.
- 7:43Okay, because we have a whole studio.
- 7:45Whole studio.
- 7:46A whole studio.
- 7:47Whole studio.
- 7:48And you know, it's a blessing.
- 7:50So yeah, finding that passion.
- 7:53You'll never work a day in your life if you find your passion.
- 7:57Okay.
- 7:58That's what's up.
- 7:59We have a fantastic show today.
- 8:02Tell us who's on the show today.
- 8:06So today.
- 8:07What are we talking about first?
- 8:09We're talking about fatherhood.
- 8:12Yeah.
- 8:13What are we talking about?
- 8:15Yeah, we're talking about Father's Day is coming up and I want the record to show it
- 8:22is the greatest holiday that is undermined.
- 8:25Okay?
- 8:26Father's Day is coming.
- 8:30Go get that stuff for Father's Day.
- 8:31Go get that tie and socks.
- 8:34Go take care of Dad.
- 8:35Okay.
- 8:36I'm sorry.
- 8:37I had to get that off my chest.
- 8:38Okay.
- 8:39Clearly you feel some type of way.
- 8:41Okay, so we're talking about fatherhood, father engagement, you know.
- 8:48Yeah, just being a father.
- 8:52And I have, I know this is your past, but this is my friend from way back in the day.
- 9:00And he was his first child.
- 9:02I was in there watching and recording and trying to get some memories for this guy with
- 9:10his first son.
- 9:12And I love how he was a father, how he did things.
- 9:19So go ahead and introduce our guest.
- 9:20So our guest today, he has become one of our recent Head Start heroes by helping and volunteering
- 9:31his time to participate with our father groups that are here at South Lexington.
- 9:39I call him Uncle Pastor.
- 9:40Uh oh.
- 9:41Because he's family for anything else.
- 9:45But we have Marvin King here with us.
- 9:49Hey.
- 9:50Welcome Marvin.
- 9:51Yeah, he don't know how to take me because, you know, he hasn't seen me too much in my
- 9:59professional role.
- 10:02He know the other side.
- 10:04So we'll see how this goes.
- 10:06Yeah, we'll see.
- 10:07We're playing, right?
- 10:10So you know, my, you know, I guess, not memory, but our first, I guess, interaction was me
- 10:22seeing you as a father.
- 10:25He has two sons, Trey and Mason, who are whole grown adults now.
- 10:31However, when I met y'all, they were little kids.
- 10:35And my dad is in my life.
- 10:39But it's different seeing the dad with their boys than their daughters.
- 10:46So yeah, that's my first, you know, memory of, oh, how we first got introduced.
- 10:53But tell us about like fatherhood and growing, like how have you, how has your childhood
- 11:02influenced the type of father you are?
- 11:05Yeah.
- 11:06So one, I say fatherhood is one of the greatest privileges I've ever had in my life.
- 11:16It's a privilege.
- 11:18And my childhood shaped me in the sense that, man, I'm without an excuse.
- 11:26Like, I mean, my parents were divorced just in full disclosure.
- 11:31And my dad, very good man, but was not always there.
- 11:35Right.
- 11:36He worked a lot.
- 11:39Right.
- 11:41And so growing up, you know, you have two decisions.
- 11:44Either you become what you've seen or you become what you've seen.
- 11:50And what I mean by that is you can become what you visibly see.
- 11:55My daddy worked a lot.
- 11:56He wasn't at home a lot.
- 11:57He worked because he was providing.
- 12:00Or I could have become what I mentally saw in what I thought good fatherhood was.
- 12:07And for me, I mean, I know, I know I'm a pastor, right?
- 12:10So the church shaped me.
- 12:11I was born and raised in church.
- 12:13So I was able to see good men in a church environment.
- 12:18Right.
- 12:19So I was able to take a little piece of this man, a little piece of brother so and so,
- 12:22a little piece of brother so and so.
- 12:24And then I had a good, I had a good basketball coach.
- 12:27I had good coaches, whether it was t-ball, baseball, basketball, football.
- 12:33I had good coaches who invested in me.
- 12:36So I took a little piece of everybody that I thought was real good.
- 12:40And I put it together to say, hey, man, that's what I want to be.
- 12:43Right.
- 12:44And too often, we're making the man that we want to be, you know, and no father has the
- 12:53manual that says this is how it's supposed to be done and this is what you're supposed
- 12:57to do.
- 12:58It's a learning experience for us all.
- 13:00But we all are taking things from our past and saying that some of the trauma or some
- 13:07of the things that we missed out on, we're not going to put that on our kids.
- 13:12And that shapes us and how we parent.
- 13:15Yeah, it does, man.
- 13:17And you know, me talking to a lot of guys, man, because manhood is my passion, right?
- 13:24I hear a lot of guys saying, man, well, I'm not going to be this way and I'm not going
- 13:27to be that way.
- 13:28But they turn out to be just like what they don't want.
- 13:31And part of it is because, man, we have unresolved stuff, man.
- 13:34We don't really embrace the fact, okay, yes, this happened.
- 13:37Or yes, I experienced this.
- 13:39But you know, I'm not going to be this because I consciously work on who I want to be.
- 13:46Like, I think a lot of, for me as a father, I had to have a vision of fatherhood.
- 13:52Like there was one thing that I always said, man, there would never be no other dude who
- 13:58was going to be the primary voice in my boy's life.
- 14:00Period.
- 14:01Like, period.
- 14:02Like, whatever I had to endure, whatever I had to go through, no other dude is going
- 14:09to be the primary voice in my boy's life.
- 14:13Because the statistics and studies have shown, man, the image of manhood that a little boy
- 14:20sees by the age of seven is what he's going to spend the rest of his life trying to become.
- 14:25Wow.
- 14:26So, man, we have to be careful what image of manhood we put in front of our little boys.
- 14:34Because whatever image of manhood they see by the time they're seven, that's what they're
- 14:38going to be trying to become for the rest of their life.
- 14:41That's deep.
- 14:42I was just blessed, man, to be able to have good men in my life.
- 14:47Right?
- 14:48Yeah.
- 14:49That's important and it's something that we can't take too lightly because we're always
- 14:57teaching.
- 14:58Yeah.
- 14:59Regardless if it's a classroom, regardless if it's intentional, regardless, you are teaching
- 15:04and someone is learning.
- 15:07Hey, we're going to take a quick break.
- 15:09You are listening to Look Who's Talking.
- 15:11We're talking with Pasta Martin.
- 15:25Community Action Council's Head Start programs are now enrolling for the 24-25 school year
- 15:30in 15 counties, including Lexington.
- 15:32Head Start offers high quality early childhood education for qualifying families with children
- 15:37between the ages of six weeks and five years old.
- 15:40Spaces are limited and filling up quickly.
- 15:42So to help ensure your child receives the Head Start advantage this year, start your
- 15:46application today by calling 859-233-4600 or go online at comaction.org.
- 15:54That's comaction.org.
- 16:01This past year has highlighted the strength of Community Action Council.
- 16:05Every day our staff works together to help families recover from this crisis.
- 16:10We're educating children at home and in person, helping parents who lost their jobs, and helping
- 16:15households avoid eviction.
- 16:17Our work at Community Action Council has never been more important than it is right now.
- 16:22So why not join us?
- 16:23We have employment opportunities requiring a range of skills from entry level to advanced.
- 16:28Visit us by online at comaction.org.
- 16:49Welcome back you are listening to Look Who's Talking.
- 16:54Our special guest today is Pastor Marvin King.
- 16:58We've been talking about fatherhood and what it means to us and how things in our life
- 17:06has shaped how he raises his children.
- 17:10And just having that male influence in your life.
- 17:15Absolutely.
- 17:16Now, one thing that you said was it wasn't just your dad, because your dad wasn't always
- 17:21there.
- 17:22It was other men that were in your life that helped shaped you.
- 17:26And that's that male figure that, I mean, again, we're still learning.
- 17:34So tell us about the first time you seen your boy.
- 17:37Oh man, here you go.
- 17:38The first time.
- 17:39Here we go.
- 17:40Let's go.
- 17:41What happened there?
- 17:42Man, Cam was very fortunate.
- 17:44You know, we've been friends a long time and Cam been doing this video thing for a long
- 17:49time.
- 17:50And he videotaped, you know, my oldest son being born, Trey.
- 17:55And man, the first time I saw him come out, man, it was like, wow, man, it was like a
- 18:03whole weight of responsibility hit me.
- 18:06Say that.
- 18:07You know what I'm saying?
- 18:08I thought you was going to say it was going to be a gruesome alien-ish experience.
- 18:11No, man.
- 18:12When you see him come out, man, the alien experience, that was already over, man.
- 18:19You know, when the doctor hold him up and spank him, man, and make sure he alive, man,
- 18:23count his toes and fingers, you know.
- 18:26But it was the responsibility of saying, okay, whatever I don't know, I need to learn.
- 18:33Wow.
- 18:34Whatever.
- 18:35Right now.
- 18:36Right now.
- 18:37Yeah, yeah.
- 18:38Like, man, you ain't got no time.
- 18:39Right now.
- 18:40Like, but what I've learned is, man, like, man, your children will give you grace as
- 18:47long as they know you strive.
- 18:49That's right.
- 18:50That's right.
- 18:51You know what I'm saying?
- 18:52Like, so many times, man, you know, brothers hold themselves hostage to this image of perfection,
- 18:57man.
- 18:58Man, my sons ain't never asked me to be perfect.
- 19:00They just asked me to be present.
- 19:01Right, right.
- 19:02Wow.
- 19:03Right.
- 19:04You know what I'm saying?
- 19:05Like, they okay with your imperfection, but what they not okay with is you not being present.
- 19:11Right, right.
- 19:12So, man, you know, whatever I have to do, man, I'm present.
- 19:16It's not a day, not one day that go by that I'm not talking and engaging with my sons.
- 19:24And they grown.
- 19:25Right.
- 19:26Now, the relationship has changed.
- 19:27Right.
- 19:28Right.
- 19:29I'm not daddying them like that.
- 19:32Right.
- 19:33But now, man, it's now passing on wisdom.
- 19:37Right.
- 19:38You know what I'm saying?
- 19:39And then letting them know that in your life, then I'm going to be your safe place.
- 19:44You know what I'm saying?
- 19:45If you can't go to nobody else, you can come to your daddy.
- 19:47Right.
- 19:48Like, you don't need another daddy.
- 19:49You don't need nobody to give you nothing.
- 19:51You don't need nobody to do nothing.
- 19:52No, you got a daddy.
- 19:53Yeah.
- 19:54You know what I'm saying?
- 19:55And I say that because, you know, my oldest son, you know, it's a lot of people coming
- 19:57at him trying to give him something.
- 19:59No, no, you got a daddy, bro.
- 20:01Exactly.
- 20:02And your daddy work hard to give you what you need.
- 20:04Right, right, right.
- 20:05You don't have to go look for identity nowhere else.
- 20:07That's right.
- 20:08I'm going to be whatever you need.
- 20:09You know, I made it a conscious effort when my granddaughter was born to pour into her.
- 20:14Yeah.
- 20:15And I immediately from day one started calling her beautiful because I didn't want her relying
- 20:21on some other guy to relate beauty to her.
- 20:25You are beautiful right now to me forever.
- 20:28Yeah.
- 20:29You know?
- 20:30And so I kind of made, you know, it kind of got a little rough because I was like, who's
- 20:34beautiful?
- 20:35I am!
- 20:36And I was like, OK.
- 20:37Listen, because, honey, let me tell you what my daddy did.
- 20:41He's the reason why I got nobody now.
- 20:44OK.
- 20:45Because I'll be like, is this what you're offering?
- 20:49Well, my daddy said, I ain't got a settle for this.
- 20:53That's what my daddy said.
- 20:55But, but no.
- 20:56Yeah, just born in.
- 20:57You know, now you have also to enter the hood of grandparenthood.
- 21:04Yeah, man.
- 21:05To a little girl.
- 21:06Yeah, man.
- 21:07So how, how is it different?
- 21:08Yeah, how's that different?
- 21:09Man, it's different.
- 21:10You know, because one, you know, I've had, I've had boys.
- 21:15Yeah.
- 21:16Oh, you know, for 20, 24 years, I had boys and that is little girl and came up in here,
- 21:22you know, and I didn't realize now.
- 21:25I've always said this.
- 21:26If I had a little girl, man, I'd be thrown off.
- 21:29Right.
- 21:30Because the boys had me wrapped around their finger.
- 21:32This little girl right here.
- 21:34Oh, man, I'm out, man, I'm all through.
- 21:37I'm all through.
- 21:38I'm all the way gone.
- 21:40Listen, listen, this how throwed off he is.
- 21:43She'll be saying something in church and he'll be like preaching and looking like he can
- 21:49spot her.
- 21:50I know her voice in the crowd of a million.
- 21:53You know what I'm saying?
- 21:55That's awesome.
- 21:56Yeah.
- 21:57That's awesome.
- 21:58But, but again, it's, it's, it's even as grandparent being able to pour in, I think you're pouring
- 22:05in a little differently because you don't have all that.
- 22:09When you had Trey, immediately you said, I got to get this in.
- 22:13You know what I'm saying?
- 22:15And once they grow up, you're, you're, you're at a point of saying, suggesting.
- 22:21Yeah.
- 22:22So, so for me as a father, I, I went, I mentioned vision earlier.
- 22:26Like you have to have, like you poured into your granddaughter telling her she's beautiful.
- 22:31Right.
- 22:32There were affirmations that I gave to my sons, right.
- 22:35That I'm cultivating, right.
- 22:36Helping them understand me.
- 22:37You don't, nobody else defines you.
- 22:39You don't have to, you don't have to bow down to nobody.
- 22:41You know what I'm saying?
- 22:42You're strong.
- 22:43You're smart.
- 22:44You're intelligent.
- 22:45Right.
- 22:46All those affirmations.
- 22:47I think as you move to a grandparent hood, you want to make sure that what you've poured
- 22:52into your children gets down to your grandchildren.
- 22:55That's right.
- 22:56One of the things I told my son is you will never do less for her than what I've done
- 23:00for you.
- 23:01Absolutely.
- 23:02See, you ain't got no excuse.
- 23:04See, see this is how we raise a standard in our families in the black community.
- 23:08Yeah.
- 23:09You know, or in any community for that matter.
- 23:11You know, we, we, we lift the standard for our children.
- 23:14That's right.
- 23:15Where there is no standard, man, we just accept anything.
- 23:18Anything.
- 23:19Anything.
- 23:20You know, so I'm, I'm very clear with my son.
- 23:22So the affirmations have changed.
- 23:24Like, hey, bro, don't, you know, I know you're doing your thing.
- 23:27Right.
- 23:28But you will do no less for her.
- 23:30Right.
- 23:31Than what I've done for you.
- 23:32Right.
- 23:33And I have to remind him of that.
- 23:35Absolutely.
- 23:36Because the same way you never had to go to nobody else for what you need.
- 23:39She ain't got to go to nobody else either.
- 23:41That's the truth.
- 23:42You know what I'm saying?
- 23:43What I like is, you know, talk about affirmations.
- 23:45Affirmations are something, you know, you hear more now.
- 23:48Yeah.
- 23:49But I've only heard, you know, women talk about affirmations.
- 23:53Talk about, you know, the importance of affirmations and also letting our, our viewers know, okay,
- 23:59what are affirmations and, you know.
- 24:02Yeah.
- 24:03So, so I think affirmations are important.
- 24:05You're right.
- 24:06You know, mostly we hear women talk about affirmations.
- 24:09Right.
- 24:10Especially all the things that women, you know, deal with in their survival in our culture.
- 24:15But men make affirmations too.
- 24:18Right.
- 24:19And an affirmation is a statement of why you exist and what you're seeking to accomplish
- 24:25on a daily basis.
- 24:26Right.
- 24:27Right.
- 24:28So if I say to myself, you know, I will not be defined by anybody else's opinions, then
- 24:35what I'm doing is I'm affirming the fact that I am creating my own identity of who I want
- 24:40to be and not the identity of what somebody wants me to be.
- 24:43Right.
- 24:44They're important because affirmations, your words are power.
- 24:48Your words literally create images in your mind that are so real that you begin to start
- 24:53becoming what you talk about.
- 24:56Right.
- 24:57And it was very important for, you know, for my boys because again, in the era of George
- 25:04Floyd, you know, in the era of, you know, all the other, you know, the Ferguson shooting,
- 25:14you know, all that, you find young men, right, who are at risk.
- 25:20And I'm like, man, no, you're not going to be a statistic like that.
- 25:24Right.
- 25:25Right.
- 25:26So they could start seeing in their minds what they're going to be becoming and what
- 25:29direction they need to be going.
- 25:30Yeah.
- 25:31Yeah.
- 25:32Yeah.
- 25:33I think one of the biggest differences in men and women is how our roles as parents.
- 25:41Typically the mother is the nurturer and the father is the disciplinarian.
- 25:45Typically.
- 25:46Yeah.
- 25:47Yeah.
- 25:48Just to get life across.
- 25:50So where mom wants to protect, you know, father wants to protect too, but in a different way
- 25:56and saying, hey, this is something you've got to learn and you've got to learn this
- 26:00even if you have to hit your head a couple of times to learn it.
- 26:04Yeah.
- 26:05That's something that, you know, I posted on Facebook, I stole it from Lawrence, your
- 26:13minister of music.
- 26:14He posted, he said, a dad can be in the worst position and the only words you will hear
- 26:19from him are I'll take care of it and he will find a way.
- 26:24He might get a little grumpy, but he will take care of it to all the men out there.
- 26:30Your hard work does not go unnoticed.
- 26:33And one of the things in our group is how do you take, what was it, recognition, appreciation,
- 26:43appreciation.
- 26:46And although I started the show talking about ties and socks, we don't care.
- 26:52Most men, we're going to take care of, if we need something, if we want something, we're
- 26:55going to get it.
- 26:57So it's not about the gift.
- 27:00It really is not.
- 27:01It's about the appreciation of what he's providing, what he's doing.
- 27:06Most men just want peace on Father's Day.
- 27:08Let's be real.
- 27:09That's right.
- 27:10Just leave me alone, man.
- 27:11Don't bother me.
- 27:12Can this just be one day where you don't ask me for nothing?
- 27:14Why I ain't got nothing to do?
- 27:16That's really what it brought down to.
- 27:18But in terms of recognition, man, I think we as men have to understand the principle
- 27:24of delayed gratification.
- 27:26And we have to understand what recognition really looks like in our lives.
- 27:30The biggest thank you for me is not a Father's Day gift.
- 27:35The biggest thank you to me is taking the lessons of life that I taught you and you
- 27:40getting further down the road than I ever could give.
- 27:43That's the biggest thank you you can give me.
- 27:46Your success is my thank you.
- 27:48Your hard work is my thank you.
- 27:50Your discipline is my thank you.
- 27:52The way you treat people and treat people with value and respect, that's my thank you.
- 27:57That's the biggest thank you I could ever get other than anything else.
- 28:02Absolutely.
- 28:03Absolutely.
- 28:04That's good.
- 28:05That's powerful.
- 28:06That's powerful.
- 28:07It's just so important that we cultivate these relationships with our men.
- 28:14And I think it's important too that you had touched on trauma.
- 28:18We got to deal with some trauma.
- 28:20We got to deal with some things that we don't want to talk about or expose or even relive.
- 28:29But there's some traumas in our life that also dictate how we go forward.
- 28:35It dictates how we teach our children.
- 28:38It dictates, you know what I'm saying?
- 28:40So we really need to address some things.
- 28:43And it's okay to talk to a therapist.
- 28:46It's okay to get some help.
- 28:48It's okay.
- 28:49Yeah, and go ahead.
- 28:50And it's just okay to acknowledge that you feel some kind of way.
- 28:53Yep.
- 28:54You know what I'm saying?
- 28:55Like we got so many people who are living in denial.
- 28:57Right.
- 28:58Right.
- 28:59And one of the things that I think I have learned is when we deny the trauma of childhood,
- 29:04right?
- 29:05You're not just denying the pain.
- 29:08You're also denying the love and the healing that you need to move forward.
- 29:11That's right.
- 29:12Because the brain and the soul does not selectively numb its pain.
- 29:16Well, if you numb pain, you also numb in joy and love.
- 29:19So the very thing you need to heal is the very thing you're denying because you're trying
- 29:23to inoculate pain.
- 29:24Right.
- 29:25And hurt people hurt other people.
- 29:26That's it.
- 29:27You know what I'm saying?
- 29:28So even though you're mad about what your daddy did, listen, you still got an opportunity
- 29:34right?
- 29:35You still worried about what you didn't get, but you can give even though you didn't get.
- 29:40That's right.
- 29:41Become the change that you want to see.
- 29:42And you don't even have to have children.
- 29:44Right.
- 29:45You can give into other kids' lives.
- 29:47You know what?
- 29:48He said two words that stuck out to me and that's presence and opportunity.
- 29:52So within our program, we have, we continuously do assessments because I want to have the
- 30:01best program in the country.
- 30:03So we are always looking at areas of improvement.
- 30:06One thing that we noticed is dads want to be involved.
- 30:10They want to be present, but sometimes they don't have the opportunity.
- 30:15So we have been presenting opportunities for them to be involved.
- 30:20We had the orchard where we talk about this all the time.
- 30:24We were planning on 50.
- 30:26We had 350 show up.
- 30:29There was a movie event that I hosted and we were thinking, oh, we might fill up, hopefully
- 30:35fill up one.
- 30:36We filled up two theaters and the amount of the number of fathers that came in to be with
- 30:45their children, to be present was astounding to where I'm saying, oh, hey, there's something
- 30:52that we're not tapping into and it's our male involvement.
- 30:56And whether it's fatherhood or whether you're not a grandfather or uncle or whatever, men
- 31:02want to be involved.
- 31:04That's what we're trying to do here for our agency.
- 31:08Yeah.
- 31:09I really appreciate you saying that because one of the mischaracterizations of our culture
- 31:14is absentee fatherism.
- 31:17But when you really look at the data and let the data drive our decisions and assumptions,
- 31:24men do want to be there with their fathers, but they do lack opportunity.
- 31:28Number two, going back to what Cameron said, man, men do not want to be in places that
- 31:35they are not respected or welcomed.
- 31:37You know what I'm saying?
- 31:40So when the whole space feels like it's not welcoming to me as a father, then we just
- 31:45defer.
- 31:47So it doesn't surprise me that when you can provide opportunity for men to be involved
- 31:51and connect with their children, absolutely they want to be connected.
- 31:55Absolutely.
- 31:56Yeah.
- 31:57And so that's a segue into volunteer.
- 32:00Oh yeah.
- 32:02Come and volunteer, read to the kids.
- 32:05When men, I don't have none against women.
- 32:08Let me be clear.
- 32:09I don't have anything against the women.
- 32:11But when men walk into a room, it sets a different tone.
- 32:15So Ann, you have to know our environment to understand that because when it comes to childcare,
- 32:22when it comes to the education system, it's 98% women.
- 32:29So it is important for us to get our fathers involved or our male figures involved because
- 32:35we know the benefits of that male in that child's life.
- 32:41That's right.
- 32:42Whether it's a female or whether it's a son or a daughter, it is important.
- 32:48And that's one thing this program year that we are definitely trying to push.
- 32:53I'm trying to push that for the program because again, my utmost, my goal is to present our
- 33:02families with opportunities.
- 33:05And I tell the staff that all the time, I'm not going to be sitting in Malone's and not
- 33:11provide an opportunity for my parents to be at Malone's.
- 33:15That's why we had a family engagement at Malone's because if I have the best, I want to provide
- 33:23the opportunity for you to have the best too.
- 33:26And that means creating an environment, creating a space.
- 33:30Y'all are doing great things here, Cam, at South.
- 33:33You want to talk a little bit about that, about providing that space for men to come
- 33:38and have conversations.
- 33:40We have a men's group that meets once a month and it's really great.
- 33:47It's new, it's growing, and the atmosphere has been very conducive for us to speak freely,
- 33:55to have conversations, to get wisdom from each other.
- 34:00You know what I'm saying?
- 34:01It's not just the moderators up there giving out information.
- 34:06We're learning from each other.
- 34:07You know what I'm saying?
- 34:09And it's been really good and it's something that I look forward to.
- 34:13I was a little hesitant at first because I'm like, I don't know what y'all trying to get
- 34:18me into.
- 34:19We should be trying to get Cam to do all kinds of stuff.
- 34:22All the time, all the time.
- 34:24But this is something that I really now look forward to.
- 34:27And we encourage and Pastor Marvin came out and was one of our guests.
- 34:34And I hope you come back again.
- 34:36Oh, I will.
- 34:37It reminds me of Real Talk.
- 34:39There was a little session that Pastor did.
- 34:46You know it's so weird for me to call you Pastor.
- 34:49Uncle did where it was like we were some college students or fresh out of college.
- 34:55We were in our 20s trying to figure out how much could I do wrong and still be right?
- 35:01That's right.
- 35:02That's right.
- 35:03And he created an environment that made, we were all vulnerable and all just sharing all
- 35:10kinds of stuff.
- 35:11And I'm like, ooh, hold up.
- 35:12Right, right, right.
- 35:13We up here telling our deepest, darkest secrets.
- 35:15Right, right.
- 35:16But it's because the environment was set.
- 35:19That's right.
- 35:20You know?
- 35:21And even whether you're in an office area or in the classroom, we want the environment
- 35:27to be set to where we're propelling people to greatness.
- 35:31That's right.
- 35:32And that's what we're doing.
- 35:35This has been a very, very good show.
- 35:37You're going to come back.
- 35:38I'm coming back if you would have me.
- 35:40Yes.
- 35:41Yes.
- 35:42It's coming back.
- 35:43Because I feel like we still have a lot more that we could discuss.
- 35:44We have a whole lot that we could discuss.
- 35:46Yeah.
- 35:47Especially on this topic.
- 35:48Absolutely.
- 35:49And you know, I'm glad you came.
- 35:52I love you.
- 35:53You know I love you and the fam and-
- 35:55Appreciate the opportunity.
- 35:56Wish you well, man.
- 35:58The word of the day is-
- 36:00Yes.
- 36:01Manhood.
- 36:02That's what we heard here.
- 36:03Manhood.
- 36:04Manhood.
- 36:05Manhood for being a man.
- 36:06Head start, highlight word of the day is manhood.
- 36:09You know what to do with it.
- 36:12Thank you for listening.
- 36:15Thank you, Marvin.
- 36:18Listen to the show.
- 36:19Listen to the show.
- 36:20And again, if you want to get involved, then just reach out to us.
- 36:25Yeah.
- 36:26You can reach us at 859-233-4600.
- 36:29You can ask for the Head Start Director, Jessica Carlson.
- 36:30And we'll make sure to get you connected.
- 36:35859-233-4600.
- 36:36You have been listening to Look Who's Talking.