Latest / Three Damned Dudes / Episode 21 - You have the right to remain silent PT.1

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Episode 21 - You have the right to remain silent PT.1 · Three Damned Dudes

• 0:21
  The. The Three Damn Dudes podcast is
• 0:26
  brought to you by Rifle and Ratchet Refinishing.
• 0:29
  Located in Taylor, MI, Rifle and Ratchet is a veteran owned and
• 0:32
  operated shop providing Sarah coat and laser engraving
• 0:34
  services. Whether it's rust, corrosion,
• 0:37
  wear and tear, scratches, or you simply don't like the color,
• 0:40
  they do everything from factory finishes to custom camo.
• 0:43
  Their goal is to make your dream a reality to shoot.
• 0:46
  But it's not just firearms. It's also automotive parts, game
• 0:48
  controllers, golf clubs, really anything you can fit in the
• 0:51
  oven. Their goal is to make you say
• 0:53
  wow when it comes out of the case.
• 0:56
  All right, and welcome to episode 21 of the Three Damn
• 1:00
  Dudes podcast. If you're watching, if you can
• 1:04
  count, we do in fact have three damn dudes.
• 1:07
  Well, 3 1/2 damn dudes. But as is tradition, it is not
• 1:12
  the three damn dudes that you are thinking of.
• 1:16
  Gavin is. Gavin is not here tonight.
• 1:20
  He's not with us tonight. He had some shit come up that
• 1:27
  that kept him from from dialing in tonight.
• 1:29
  So if you guys know Gavin personally, make sure you text
• 1:33
  him pictures of your feet covered in cake.
• 1:38
  Facebook Messenger works. Also, if you hit him on
• 1:40
  Instagram, Snapchat, that'd be a good one.
• 1:45
  Yeah. So let let him know that he's
• 1:47
  missed. We definitely miss him.
• 1:52
  Yeah, fucking Gavin. Miss you buddy.
• 1:57
  But we have a very special guest on tonight who is a friend of
• 2:02
  the show. I would say probably a day one
• 2:05
  homie and also a a very close friend of ours in in real life.
• 2:12
  Like for realsies? A long time we old.
• 2:15
  Yeah, what my my freshman, sophomore year of high school.
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  It was, it was like third sophomore year.
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  Yep, Yep, Yep. Art class, right?
• 2:31
  Yeah, that might have been freshman year.
• 2:33
  Fuck man damn, are we coming up on our twenty year anniversary?
• 2:41
  You're making me do math and that's not not a great idea.
• 2:45
  You're right, You're right. That's not the line of work
• 2:47
  you're in, but we'll get to that in a little bit. 20 years?
• 2:55
  Holy shit, that'd be like 2032, wouldn't it?
• 2:59
  I think we're in a bad spot if Jimmy's the one doing the math.
• 3:04
  Oh, well, yeah, you know what? Because my family reference went
• 3:09
  back to like. Use your toes, yeah.
• 3:13
  I don't even know. Yeah, I went too far back.
• 3:16
  My my my transcript was so fucked up.
• 3:19
  I'm not even part of a class. Like I I, I never got invited to
• 3:22
  any reunions because they're like.
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  We don't. Claim him.
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  I I would claim you. I was like, oh cool, it should
• 3:30
  be coming up. I never got an invite to it.
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  And I'm like, oh, sick. They don't know.
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  I was one of them. All right, cool, cool.
• 3:38
  No. I've never probably wouldn't
• 3:40
  have for one of those either. I went to my tenure and no one
• 3:45
  recognized me. What year were you, 12?
• 3:50
  OK, yeah, me too. I never got an invite to that.
• 3:54
  That's probably because no one remembered that you graduated in
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  12, Jimmy. That's right, because it was
• 3:59
  almost 13. Yeah, you're almost.
• 4:02
  Ten, it was almost 10 and then it was almost 11, and then it
• 4:06
  was 12, but it was almost 13. Hey, listen, a lot of a lot of
• 4:14
  people go to school for eight years, right?
• 4:16
  They're called Doc. It happens.
• 4:18
  I'm a doc. It happens.
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  Some people go for six years and still do what I do.
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  Yeah, that's a crazy thing to think about.
• 4:32
  What's everybody drinking tonight, Jimmy?
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  What are you? What are you sipping on over
• 4:34
  there, bud? It's almost gone, but it's Ocean
• 4:37
  Spray. Ah, yes, yes.
• 4:40
  Classic. Because an ocean spray a day
• 4:45
  keeps the pee pee pane away. Hell yeah, it's a good call.
• 4:49
  I'm waiting on the cease and desist from Ocean Spray on that
• 4:52
  one. It's going to be great.
• 4:56
  Zach, what are you drinking, Bud?
• 4:58
  I have Bush latte and orange monster.
• 5:03
  Like at the same time. Following each other.
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  Ah. He's chasing the monster with
• 5:12
  Bush lattes. That's exactly what I'm doing.
• 5:16
  In case I didn't have to pee bad enough, I added the monster in
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  there. Hey man, it's your garage, you
• 5:21
  can piss on the floor if you want to.
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  I could I have a floor drain? Hey.
• 5:28
  Nobody is. Directly it is.
• 5:32
  Yeah, we're good. It's in line.
• 5:35
  This episode's going to go wild. He could do a stealthy pee.
• 5:40
  Yeah, How do you mute on this? Is there a way to mute?
• 5:43
  No, no, we just. We just let it go.
• 5:45
  Chances are it wouldn't get picked up by the fucking shit
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  anyway, all right? I am.
• 5:53
  I am drinking Blanton's again. I've realized that I crack a
• 5:58
  bottle down here and then it never makes its way back
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  upstairs and I remember that I still have a bottle down here,
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  so I'll just drink it until it's gone.
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  It's valid. What are you doing to that poor
• 6:13
  cat? Holding them.
• 6:16
  OK. Giving them lobbins.
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  All right, let's get into the recaps.
• 6:21
  As long as you're not doing what Luke's doing, we're fine.
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  Yeah, well. I hate Luke.
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  No. Hey, and for everybody who did
• 6:36
  unfortunately listen to episode 19, I am pretty sure that promo
• 6:40
  code is still active. So if you listen all the way to
• 6:44
  the end, you get a rifle and Ratchet refinishing promo code
• 6:49
  from the owner himself. And I'm not going to regurgitate
• 6:52
  what it is because it's gross. So you have to listen to all of
• 6:56
  episode 19 to get to the promo code at some point in the
• 7:01
  episode. Does it even get you anything?
• 7:04
  I don't remember if it did. Yeah, it was a Raptor mag.
• 7:09
  Was it? Yeah, but I want you to know I
• 7:12
  emailed him that promo code as he was saying it.
• 7:16
  Still haven't gotten my Raptor mag.
• 7:18
  Yeah, the rifle and ratchets full of shit, man.
• 7:25
  Listen, if I don't get my if I don't get my Raptor mag by
• 7:29
  episode 25, I'm going to say that we all just start spamming
• 7:34
  his Facebook wall with the promo code.
• 7:39
  Be crazy if his sponsorship to us is what causes him to lose
• 7:43
  his business. The Better Business Bureau gets
• 7:46
  his their hands on them on him. Sir, you are disgusting.
• 7:57
  ASPCA shows up. I need to inspect your dogs
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  ropes. Yeah.
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  All right, let's get into the recaps.
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  I'll go first because I don't want to throw Jimmy a curveball.
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  And Zach, I don't want you to to get in any of your stories yet.
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  OK. So earlier today my 3 year old
• 8:22
  looks at my wife and says my wife says mommy I need you to
• 8:28
  take me potty. There's a poop in my butt and
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  proceeds to like do that stupid like Oh no I trusted a fart.
• 8:39
  I have to clench my cheeks to keep the poop in like hobble run
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  to the bathroom. So that was a fun thing.
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  And fun Segway is Apparently there's a difference between
• 8:54
  shitting your pants and just shitting your ass.
• 8:59
  That makes sense. It's a fine line.
• 9:03
  Yeah, it's, and really, I don't know if you can just shit your
• 9:07
  ass. I think you'd have to shart your
• 9:08
  ass. Haven't you had those
• 9:11
  situations, them situations, if you will, where you're like, you
• 9:14
  shit your pants, but it doesn't quite leave the butt cheek so
• 9:19
  you're good. You don't have to change your
• 9:20
  pants. That's just shit in your butt if
• 9:22
  you think about it. Yeah, it's just, it's just shit
• 9:23
  in your ass. Be like oh fuck I.
• 9:25
  Shit, my ball, the shark. Yeah.
• 9:29
  Well, so to me. Sharted your butt?
• 9:32
  I just sharted. To me, the evidence of a shark
• 9:36
  is the shark the underwear. Otherwise it's just a fart or
• 9:42
  you. Shit.
• 9:46
  I don't know, I feel like that's a whole other fucking topic.
• 9:49
  We'll have to yeah, maybe a micro shark.
• 9:54
  But yeah, I forget who I was talking to, but they I think it
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  was my buddy Ryan. It might have been he leads off
• 10:00
  the conversation with. So I kind of shook my pants
• 10:04
  today. I haven't talked to him in weeks
• 10:06
  and that's how he opens it up and I'm like, fucking what?
• 10:10
  How One what? 2, How did you kind of shit your
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  pants? And three, again, fucking what?
• 10:19
  And it proceeds to explain that he didn't shit his pants, he
• 10:22
  just shit his ass. Yeah, so that is why you reach
• 10:30
  out to the boys. That's why you keep in touch,
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  because you get fun stories like that.
• 10:34
  For the micro shards. Yeah, so I don't know if you
• 10:37
  guys can see this fucking dot right here, but it's annoying.
• 10:44
  All right? Cool you guys can't see it.
• 10:45
  That makes me feel better. Fuck you, Jimmy.
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  Yeah, it's on. It's got its own zip code right
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  there. All right, and this has been
• 10:54
  episode 21 of the Three NBS podcast.
• 10:57
  I got my eyebrow pluralized the other day and it was it was
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  itchy and I fucking itched it and and now it's bad.
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  So fuck you Jimmy. Can't see it now.
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  Do you have a unibrow? Yes, I have a strong fucking
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  pronounced unibrow the. Hell yeah.
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  I have a second mustache between my.
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  Eyes. Brow.
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  Yeah, my. Oh, she might kill me.
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  Don't. Don't do it.
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  Then don't do it. So does Maddie, she also has a
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  unibrow. She shaved it though.
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  Welcome to Jimmy's Last Stand podcast.
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  Yeah. Yeah, he's going to turn into
• 11:51
  the washing machine ghost. She'd be.
• 11:54
  She'd be fine as hell. Anyway, it's all right.
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  It's OK, she doesn't listen to this anyway.
• 12:00
  Oh, perfect. I don't think she does.
• 12:03
  Well, you'll find out. You'll find out after that one.
• 12:07
  I feel like I've said some pretty incriminating shit on
• 12:10
  here and haven't gotten in trouble yet, so I think we're.
• 12:16
  Either that or she just doesn't give a fuck.
• 12:20
  I mean, that's part of it too. She's pretty chill.
• 12:22
  Yeah, she's pretty cool. So I need, I need to shoot my
• 12:27
  fucking bow one because we are already well into 3D season and
• 12:33
  I have not broken it out of the fucking case yet and that's a
• 12:36
  fucking problem. I've done 13D shoot this year,
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  but I also had like half a dozen arrows reflexed and I need to
• 12:45
  shoot those and make sure they're flying right before I
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  go, you know, work them into the fucking hunting rotation.
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  So I need to do that. And hopefully next week's recap
• 12:55
  we'll have some some fucking updates on that one, but we'll
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  see. This whole, this whole dad life
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  thing doesn't, doesn't leave fucking time for hobbies and
• 13:05
  whatnot. Jimmy's over there blowing his
• 13:11
  fucking nose off camera and I don't know if anybody's going to
• 13:15
  hear that. I don't know if anybody's going
• 13:17
  to hear that in the final, but I want everybody to know they
• 13:21
  heard Chinese fucking nose. Well, that's because of the
• 13:25
  Chinese food. Who eats Chinese food on Cinco
• 13:31
  de Mayo? Fucking Jimmy does, apparently.
• 13:34
  Blasphemous bitch. Fucking sacrilege.
• 13:41
  I have a lot of comments that I'm going to keep all of them to
• 13:44
  myself. So I went to, I went on an
• 13:49
  adventure with Ridley earlier. We drove about 25 minutes away
• 13:54
  to purchase a 55 gallon drum from Marketplace.
• 14:01
  So I now have a burn barrel. Oh boy.
• 14:04
  But we're driving to the place to pick it up and we drive past
• 14:10
  like 5 or 6 pastures like fucking full of cows.
• 14:16
  And Ridley goes damn, look, cows like she loves farm critters.
• 14:20
  They're her favorite fucking critters.
• 14:23
  And I without thinking about what I was about to say, go, oh
• 14:28
  nice. You know cows aren't real,
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  right? Like Bird.
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  And. She fucking stops for like a
• 14:39
  fraction of a second and goes, yeah, they are.
• 14:42
  And I'm like, no, kid, cow cows aren't real.
• 14:45
  Those are fake. She's like, no, they're real.
• 14:48
  She's like getting pissed from the back seat in her car seat.
• 14:52
  And I didn't realize how fucking funny it was for an almost 3
• 14:55
  foot tall, 30 LB child to try to get actually upset with you
• 15:00
  about something. But it's fucking hilarious.
• 15:04
  It's like, no, they're real. I've seen them.
• 15:07
  And I'm like, no kid, the cows aren't real.
• 15:11
  Those are those are government surveillance drones.
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  She just goes real. And then starts crying in her
• 15:22
  car seat because she thinks that I actually fucking think that
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  cows aren't fucking real. So I found a new.
• 15:32
  I found a new nerf. And I fully intend to just
• 15:37
  aggravate the fuck out of that topic every time I can, and it's
• 15:41
  going to be great. At least I know where the bill
• 15:45
  every month for therapy is going to come from.
• 15:50
  Just the start. Yeah, but that's that's my
• 15:54
  recap. Jimmy, what do you got?
• 15:58
  A back hurts, you know. Taking too many back shots.
• 16:04
  It just too many back shots, side shots.
• 16:08
  Facial that. Might be the one that might be.
• 16:10
  The one hit by too many cars Just.
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  My fucking. Back hurts so bad.
• 16:21
  We well, I got into the accident on Wednesday, right?
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  Wednesday, I think it was. Yeah, cuz we pushed recording
• 16:32
  one day, yeah. Yeah.
• 16:34
  So I, I bounced back from that pretty quick.
• 16:40
  I went to work the next day, was sore but made it through.
• 16:47
  Had to deal with some shit with getting the car, stuff like
• 16:51
  that, getting the car figured out with insurance and
• 16:54
  everything like that. But you know, it's cool.
• 16:57
  So I owed like $7300 on the on my car and when I Kelly blue
• 17:02
  booked it, it was between 7:00 and 8:00 grand in value.
• 17:07
  So I was like, oh shit, I'm probably going to owe money on
• 17:10
  my car still even after this is all said and done because
• 17:13
  insurance companies probably going to fuck me because that's
• 17:15
  what insurance companies do. They didn't, they offered me
• 17:22
  $9300, which is more than I thought.
• 17:26
  And I was like, oh hell yeah. So after my $1000 deductible,
• 17:31
  you know, and paying my car off, I have $1000 coming plus the 200
• 17:39
  plus another $200 coming for the car seats that were in the car.
• 17:44
  It was a fun fact. If you have a car seat in a car
• 17:47
  and it's in an accident, that car seat is no longer considered
• 17:51
  safe and usable. So, so we're good there, but
• 17:57
  shout out to my buddy Paul. So work let me borrow the truck,
• 18:02
  right? That was awesome.
• 18:04
  I appreciate that wholeheartedly.
• 18:07
  But my buddy Paul had seen the Facebook post and instead of
• 18:14
  like commenting on it or anything like that, he just, he
• 18:18
  just texted me. He's like, do you have a car?
• 18:20
  I'm like, no, he's like, let's chat today.
• 18:23
  He's like, let's chat after work.
• 18:25
  So I was like, all right. And so I call him after work.
• 18:30
  He's like, how you feeling? You know, asking me the
• 18:32
  questions and stuff. And he was like, he's like, what
• 18:36
  are you doing for vehicles? I was like, I don't know yet,
• 18:38
  man. And I told him about my
• 18:39
  financial situation and everything like that.
• 18:41
  He's like, well, the reason I'm calling you is he's like, you
• 18:45
  know, I've got, he's like, you know me, I've got a few vehicles
• 18:48
  and he's like, my daughter was supposed to take the Jeep it
• 18:51
  when she got her license, but she hasn't gotten her license
• 18:54
  yet. So I've got this Jeep just
• 18:56
  sitting here and I've got it on a trickle charger because it's
• 19:00
  just sitting. He's like, I need somebody to
• 19:01
  drive it. He's like, so why don't you come
• 19:04
  pick the Jeep up and you can drive the Jeep while you figure
• 19:07
  it out. And I was like, well, I was
• 19:09
  like, I was like, well, I was like, I appreciate it.
• 19:14
  I was like, you know, I, I would imagine I was like, I can
• 19:17
  probably have, I could probably get the Jeep back to you in like
• 19:20
  a couple weeks if that's OK. And his response was, well, then
• 19:24
  who's going to drive it after that?
• 19:26
  I was like, oh shit. So he doesn't, he's not in a
• 19:30
  hurry to get this thing back at all.
• 19:32
  So I've got a pretty nice Jeep Wrangler that I'm borrowing for
• 19:35
  my buddy. And then to, to make it even
• 19:39
  cooler, he's said he would sell it to me.
• 19:42
  He, we didn't talk about a number yet, but he was, he was
• 19:44
  like, I'll, he's like, I'll sell it to you for cheap.
• 19:47
  So thing about my buddy Paul is that he started out as a
• 19:52
  neighbor when I was a kid. He's he's, he's older than I am.
• 19:58
  He's he started out as a neighbor.
• 20:00
  We lived in Plymouth and he needed help.
• 20:04
  I think moving he he just needed help with like the grass and
• 20:08
  stuff like that. I was a kid, man.
• 20:10
  I was like freshman year or whatever is when I met Paul and
• 20:14
  like I remember I cut his grass and he like gave me 50 bucks.
• 20:18
  I'm like, dude, that's too much. He's like, don't worry about it.
• 20:21
  You know, like, like he's and it's been like that since.
• 20:25
  I was a kid, like anytime he needed help, like he's always
• 20:27
  taking care of me. Like I've I'd come and help him.
• 20:29
  Like I've done so much work with Paul at his house, like at his
• 20:33
  neighbor's house. Like if there's ever work to be
• 20:35
  done, he calls me. He's like, hey, man, what are
• 20:36
  you doing? Like nothing.
• 20:38
  He's like, you want to do some work?
• 20:39
  And I always know that I'm about to break my back when I work
• 20:41
  with Paul. It's always something, you know,
• 20:43
  but he always takes care of me and he's always taking care of
• 20:46
  me. And so like, this is just
• 20:48
  another one of those times where like, you know, I like, he saw
• 20:51
  that he needed help and he's like, yeah, man, borrow the
• 20:54
  truck. He's like, borrow the Jeep.
• 20:56
  So huge shout out to Paul. So I was able to give the truck
• 21:01
  back to work. I don't have to worry about
• 21:03
  borrowing that thing because, yes, they let me borrow it.
• 21:07
  But people at work, we're starting to not like that I was
• 21:13
  borrowing the truck. Not bosses or anything like
• 21:16
  that, but everybody else, you know, because like, I don't know
• 21:18
  what it is, but like people just got to have a problem, you know,
• 21:23
  why does Jimmy get to borrow the truck, you know, even though
• 21:25
  they'd be able to borrow the truck if they were in that
• 21:27
  situation. But so I was I was glad to give
• 21:31
  the truck back. So but yeah, so I got AI got a
• 21:35
  Jeep, Jeep Wrangler, that 4 door that I'm driving around now.
• 21:39
  So that's pretty cool. We Speaking of work today I was
• 21:50
  I was walking, I was walking in the front offices and I walked
• 21:56
  to the bathroom. I come out of the bathroom and
• 21:59
  I'm walking past this bathroom and I can see this girl walking
• 22:05
  like a very exaggerated, like her back's to the door so she
• 22:08
  doesn't see him coming. She's doing this very
• 22:11
  exaggerated toe walk. Like she's bouncing up and down
• 22:15
  and up and down. And like if you know me, you
• 22:18
  know I got a funny walk. I've always had a funny walk and
• 22:22
  so like I noticed that she's doing it and immediately I know
• 22:25
  she's making. Fun of me.
• 22:27
  So I come up behind her. I go, oh, hey, look, it's my
• 22:29
  walk. And she turns around and turns
• 22:32
  fucking beet red, dude. Like the the jig was up.
• 22:36
  I was like, oh, shit, it's my walk.
• 22:39
  And then like the other guy was like, yeah, she was making fun
• 22:42
  of you. Like took her off guard.
• 22:43
  And then they immediately like tried to like downplay it.
• 22:47
  She's like, he was like, how long have you walked like that?
• 22:50
  Blah, blah, blah. I was like a block like that
• 22:52
  since I was a little kid. I don't know, I've got a funny
• 22:54
  ass walk. I was like, I'm used to it.
• 22:56
  And she's like, that wasn't directed at you.
• 22:57
  And I was like, there's no way it wasn't, but it's fine.
• 23:00
  I was like, I'm the only guy here that walks like that.
• 23:04
  I was like, and I just walked past you guys remember to go.
• 23:06
  I was like, but it is what it is.
• 23:07
  And, you know, and I just kept walking.
• 23:09
  And then there was another guy in the office that came up after
• 23:13
  and he was like, dude, she was so embarrassed after you walked
• 23:17
  away. I was like, well, I mean.
• 23:19
  Good. That's funny, but also kind of
• 23:21
  like good because like, what did I do?
• 23:23
  You know, you just, I don't know you that well and you're making
• 23:25
  fun of me, but all right. I mean, was it at least a?
• 23:28
  Was there a good punchline to the joke?
• 23:32
  I, I don't, I don't know. Damn, I just walked in on her
• 23:36
  doing the walk. So I don't know what led to
• 23:39
  that. I don't know what conversation
• 23:41
  led to that. I don't know.
• 23:45
  I just know that. She get worse after he got hit.
• 23:49
  I've always had like a weird hat to my snap.
• 23:53
  Hers was very exaggerated, but like I've always had like I'm a
• 23:57
  toe Walker. I'm like when I, when I don't
• 24:00
  have shoes on, it's worse. But it was funny because they're
• 24:06
  like, what causes that? And I was like, well, it
• 24:07
  depends. He's like, because he was the
• 24:09
  other guy was like, you know, ever since I've you've started
• 24:11
  working here, I've noticed a lot of people walk like that and I
• 24:14
  and I laugh and I go, well, I was like, a lot of people walk
• 24:19
  like that because of autism. I was like, which is me and
• 24:22
  Maddie's inside joke. She tells me I'm autistic all
• 24:24
  the time. I was like, I was like, I was
• 24:27
  like, mine was a learned behavior when I was a young kid.
• 24:32
  I was like, I was taught to walk like that by by my cousin and I
• 24:35
  haven't been able to shake it ever since.
• 24:37
  I was like so mine wasn't a since birth thing.
• 24:40
  Mine was. Since a kid thing.
• 24:41
  So I was like, I was like, so I might be autistic, but I don't
• 24:44
  think that's part of it. Yeah, I don't know.
• 24:49
  I don't really know what led led to it, but it was it was
• 24:53
  interesting. She doesn't have a walk, does
• 24:57
  she? I don't know.
• 24:59
  She's one of the she what's crazy is usually she's like, she
• 25:04
  comes off as she's one of our engineers.
• 25:07
  She's very young. She's like got to be like 1920
• 25:11
  maybe. She's young, like fresh, fresh
• 25:14
  out of school and you know, does our, she works in our CAD system
• 25:18
  and helps design our, our pump houses as we build fire
• 25:22
  suppression systems. She comes off as like a really
• 25:26
  quiet, shy type, almost maybe a little bit nerdy, but she comes
• 25:33
  off as just like the sweet and quiet type.
• 25:34
  So I was surprised that it was her of all people doing the
• 25:36
  walk. So I was like, damn, all right.
• 25:39
  But I think she was led on into doing it by the other guy that
• 25:44
  was in the office. But it is what it is.
• 25:47
  I wasn't. I know I got a funny walk so I
• 25:49
  wasn't too. I wasn't like butt hurt by it.
• 25:51
  I was just surprised when I saw it.
• 25:54
  But I handled it well. See if you can get her voice
• 25:57
  down. And just start making fun of
• 26:00
  her. No, I'm good.
• 26:02
  I don't want to. Be a butt.
• 26:04
  Not in a malicious way though, like in in vicinity of her.
• 26:08
  Yeah. And like overtly so, it's like,
• 26:12
  yeah, I'm not trying to fucking hide it.
• 26:14
  And I'm doing this because it's funny and it's OK that things
• 26:17
  are funny, but don't be a fucking cunt about it.
• 26:20
  I have. Listen, Zach will tell you.
• 26:25
  Zach's seen it first hand. I have the ability to be a
• 26:29
  fucking asshole. I thought we were totally.
• 26:35
  Different. I remember, I remember one thing
• 26:39
  like I don't know if you remember this act, but there was
• 26:42
  a moment we were talking about, we're talking about a, a
• 26:47
  girlfriend that I had in high school, Swamp Thing.
• 26:51
  We were talking about. I was, we were talking about
• 26:57
  like seeing, seeing our girlfriends naked or something
• 27:02
  like that. I was like, I see my naked all
• 27:04
  the time. I was like, because I think
• 27:06
  there's I think somebody, somehow somebody talked about
• 27:09
  what would you do if if your girlfriend came in naked and
• 27:11
  served you cake or something like that.
• 27:14
  I was like, well, I see my girlfriend naked all the time.
• 27:16
  She's a hippie. I was like, but I would probably
• 27:19
  be like, oh, cake and fucking. Zach for some reason thought
• 27:22
  that was the funniest fucking thing in the world.
• 27:24
  She did not think it was funny. He's like she felt under
• 27:28
  appreciated and shit, but it was rightfully so.
• 27:31
  I was kind of a Dick. But anyway, I have the ability
• 27:36
  to be an asshole. So like if I wanted to be a Dick
• 27:38
  to her, like I could easily like I was telling Maddie like one of
• 27:44
  my favorite things to do to when when when girls were mean to me
• 27:47
  in high school, the first thing I'd go for is their forehead.
• 27:50
  Like if you want to crush a chick, go for her forehead
• 27:52
  immediately. God, there's so many big heads.
• 27:59
  This segment's called dating advice from the Three Damn
• 28:01
  Dudes. We had this girl, her name was
• 28:04
  Carolyn. She was cute, but she was mean
• 28:07
  dude. She was just a diva.
• 28:09
  She was bratty and she wasn't she, she was too good for me.
• 28:12
  So like she was treated me like shit.
• 28:15
  And one time she was just she was being just a bitch to me.
• 28:18
  And I just, I look at her, I'm just stare blankly staring.
• 28:22
  And she goes, she's like, hello, like I'm so sorry.
• 28:25
  I was like I was spaced out. I was looking at your fucking
• 28:27
  forehead. That thing is huge, dude.
• 28:30
  And she's like, like, that's how you, that's how you get her
• 28:34
  back. Like it's so fucked up, yeah.
• 28:37
  So funny. Do you remember?
• 28:42
  Do you? Do you remember the girl that
• 28:45
  gave you the nickname Dino? Cassie?
• 28:49
  Yeah, remember her right for one day she came where she was.
• 28:56
  She always had that bubbly personality.
• 28:58
  And she was like, it's International Cowboy Day.
• 29:03
  We got to talk like a cowboy. I was, I was like, come here,
• 29:09
  skank. She's like, I'm not a skank.
• 29:11
  I'm like, come here, bitch. No, no.
• 29:13
  I was like, come here, bitch. She's like, I'm not a bitch.
• 29:16
  Come here, Broad. He's like, I'm not a broad.
• 29:19
  Come here, slut. And she's like, I'm not a slut.
• 29:22
  I was like, bullshit, you're such a slut.
• 29:24
  I bet if I gave you a nickel, your whole family would blow me.
• 29:28
  And she was like, she was so fucking.
• 29:32
  Awful. I go yeah, I'm sorry.
• 29:33
  I'm. Sorry man, I took it too far and
• 29:38
  I realized. I got smiled.
• 29:41
  Into the character. Sorry.
• 29:45
  So is it not international talk like a Cowboy day anymore then,
• 29:48
  or what? Where are we at with that?
• 29:49
  It was not after that, never. Go full cowboy.
• 29:53
  I went full cowboy. On that one.
• 29:56
  So you went there in the story in my head, went to fuck me in
• 30:01
  the ass, Jake Gyllenhaal. Oh yeah.
• 30:11
  Oh fucking hell. Oh, now he's drinking vodka
• 30:17
  straight. What an animal.
• 30:21
  Yeah, it doesn't drink bourbon because it's spicy, but we'll
• 30:24
  drink. Vodka straight up the.
• 30:25
  Bottle like a fucking degenerate whipped.
• 30:27
  Cream kind. It's the whipped cream kind.
• 30:30
  It's not crazy. So you know what I will say
• 30:34
  about the the whipped cream kind.
• 30:38
  If you were to hypothetically get some 189 or 190 ever clear
• 30:42
  depending on where you're at, and use that as the base for a
• 30:46
  moonshine, but you put some of that whipped cream vodka in
• 30:50
  there, that adds a whole new flavor to the overall profile.
• 30:57
  It'd be dangerous. I'm down.
• 30:59
  Delightful. Cherry pie, that's the way you
• 31:02
  go. I'm an apple pie kind of guy,
• 31:06
  man. Not wrong with the classic, but
• 31:08
  I made some cherry pie back in the day.
• 31:12
  Chef's kiss. That would.
• 31:14
  Be good. Cherry Cherry for me is like
• 31:18
  Peach. Like it either has to be real
• 31:20
  and like spot on or it's just bad.
• 31:23
  I. Don't know it was real.
• 31:25
  It tasted like cherry pie. It was fantastic.
• 31:29
  Alright. Not not like cherry pucker, but
• 31:31
  like cherry pie. Definitely not like apple pucker
• 31:36
  but like apple pie because I don't know who drinks apple
• 31:39
  pucker shits. Shits for nerds.
• 31:44
  No comment. That's fine, that's a joke
• 31:49
  because I have definitely sent Jimmy snaps of me with a bottle
• 31:53
  of apple pucker doing a thing. But yeah, Jimmy, you got
• 31:58
  anything else for your recap? Yeah, we're starting to work
• 32:04
  out. Me and Maddie are starting to
• 32:08
  work out. We're going to start.
• 32:10
  We're trying to lose some weight and get in better shape.
• 32:14
  Yeah, I see you started your weight loss attempt with a
• 32:16
  haircut. I don't think it's going to.
• 32:18
  I don't think it's really going to yield.
• 32:20
  I lost 5 lbs. He got his haircut and he lost
• 32:25
  half a tooth. What?
• 32:26
  What did that put you down on the scale?
• 32:30
  I don't know dude, but you know what's crazy is that they fixed
• 32:32
  it. They like they so like my tooth
• 32:35
  was crooked. It broke in half.
• 32:38
  They put a new one in. Now it's not crooked.
• 32:40
  It's like that was fucking getting in a car actually.
• 32:43
  For one. Special. 2 for.
• 32:45
  One person, All you got to do to get your teeth fixed is just get
• 32:49
  fucking T boned. Just look directly at the car
• 32:54
  and just get smacked. You just got to bite the
• 32:56
  steering wheel curb. I don't know what the hell I hit
• 32:59
  my face off of I don't know. Oh, I do have an update.
• 33:03
  I do have an update from that. We'll we'll I'll get back.
• 33:05
  I'll get into that in a second, but I I don't know what I hit my
• 33:11
  face on. Something hit me in the face and
• 33:15
  because my nose hurts like right where right between my my mouth
• 33:20
  and my nose like this, this hurts.
• 33:22
  You got a pretty significant nerve bundle there.
• 33:25
  Like I broke, I broke my tooth obviously, but when I got back
• 33:28
  to my vehicle, my steering wheel never opened up the dash like
• 33:34
  the the airbag didn't come out of there.
• 33:37
  So like I was thinking like maybe I got popped in the face
• 33:40
  by the steering column thingymajig when the dad airbag
• 33:43
  didn't come out, every other airbag in the car came out, Not
• 33:47
  that one. I don't know what the fuck I hit
• 33:49
  my face on because it came from my right.
• 33:53
  It slammed me because don't write me a ticket, Zach.
• 33:58
  But I wasn't wearing my seat belt.
• 34:01
  I I got rocked from the right side, smacked into my door, got
• 34:07
  a bruise on my leg from hitting the door handle thingamajig, so
• 34:13
  I wouldn't have hit my face on the window or anything like
• 34:15
  that. This is from kind of gone now.
• 34:19
  This there's this whole scrape was from the airbag that blew
• 34:22
  out of the side panel of my seat, my cushion.
• 34:27
  So I figured out where that scrape came from.
• 34:29
  I don't know. What the hell I hit my face on
• 34:31
  man did. You punch it because it.
• 34:33
  Was never sent forward, huh? Did you punch yourself in the
• 34:37
  face? I don't think so, just to for
• 34:40
  more insurance money. It's like.
• 34:46
  I don't know what the fuck. I hit my face on dude you.
• 34:48
  Know I've always wanted to get my teeth unfucked.
• 34:53
  Fix his crooked buck. But when I got back to work the
• 35:02
  next day, I came in early as hell.
• 35:06
  I came in like 20 minutes early. I came in limping because my leg
• 35:11
  was really, really flared up where the bruise was at and
• 35:14
  stuff like that. And people kind of see me coming
• 35:17
  and they're like, oh shit, Jimmy's here today.
• 35:19
  We didn't. We didn't see that coming
• 35:21
  because because as soon as I got into the accident.
• 35:23
  We thought he died. Pretty much everybody found out
• 35:26
  because like I told the HR lady and she told people, like just
• 35:30
  people found out really quickly. And so I start talking about the
• 35:37
  cocks. First thing.
• 35:39
  I was like, you guys got to hear what happened to me.
• 35:41
  I was like, I'm in the ambulance and this firefighter comes up
• 35:45
  and shows me these valve stems that I have.
• 35:48
  And the guys at work just start laughing hysterically.
• 35:52
  It was somebody at work. His name was Rylan and he put
• 35:57
  them on my car that day. Oh, so those are cursed cocks.
• 36:02
  They're cursed cocks. You should put them like Jeep.
• 36:06
  I gave them back to him. I especially gave, I kept one
• 36:10
  for myself and I gave the rest away and I gave Ryland the
• 36:15
  broken one. I was like, you can have your
• 36:17
  fucking cursed cock back. I was like, I was like, you
• 36:20
  almost killed me. But he thought it was so funny
• 36:25
  when just the way that I found out, like it just tickled him
• 36:29
  and it was funny. There was There's no funnier way
• 36:32
  for me to find out about the valve stems surrounded by cops,
• 36:36
  EMT's and firefighters. So yeah, I was able to figure
• 36:43
  out who put the cocks on the car, but.
• 36:49
  Well played. Yeah, Yep.
• 36:54
  So fuck you Ryan Touché. Got him.
• 37:02
  All right. You got anything else, Jimmy?
• 37:06
  No. All right, So, Zach, weekly
• 37:08
  recap. You got anything over the last
• 37:11
  week that was funny or ridiculous or worth noting?
• 37:22
  I almost got thrown off of Bobo fishing.
• 37:27
  Note to self, outboards and logs do not mix, especially at night
• 37:35
  in murky water. But later that night I got the
• 37:40
  tomahawk spear, a carp. That was awesome.
• 37:43
  In case you don't know. So bow fishing, you're shooting
• 37:46
  carp and dogfish and and gar and whatnot with bow when sometimes
• 37:51
  if you miss and they're really close, you can grab your arrow
• 37:54
  and just eat that sucker right back down.
• 37:58
  And it's really, really fucking fun.
• 38:02
  I got to do it and I actually got the cart, but it was fucking
• 38:05
  cool. You stabbed a fucking fish.
• 38:10
  Like a throwing knife. Hell yeah.
• 38:14
  I've always wanted to go boat fishing.
• 38:17
  It's a blast, so much fun, so much fun.
• 38:19
  You can do it with just flashlights, but having having a
• 38:23
  boat with the lights on it makes a makes a huge difference.
• 38:27
  I mean, it clearly doesn't keep you from finding fucking logs
• 38:30
  and stumps, but. No, no, no.
• 38:33
  But yeah, running full tilt down a Creek?
• 38:37
  Probably not the greatest idea my buddy ever had.
• 38:40
  Yeah, that was a choice. Yeah, in his defense, he's used
• 38:47
  to having a long tail mud motor and he just upgraded boats that
• 38:51
  now has an outboard. So, you know, mistakes were
• 38:56
  made. Yeah.
• 38:58
  Good news No 1 ended up in the water.
• 39:02
  Important. Good news for everyone on the
• 39:04
  boat, bad news for us. It's the bottle.
• 39:07
  Yeah, it would have been hilarious.
• 39:11
  The bottle. Oh yeah, the boat.
• 39:13
  Was fine. We kept going.
• 39:14
  No big deal. Yeah, a little bit of a vent
• 39:18
  propeller, little chip, no big deal.
• 39:21
  It's not your prop. Fuck it.
• 39:25
  He is my only bow fishing buddy though, so kind of important to
• 39:28
  keep him, keep him up and running.
• 39:33
  So you the Bowen got in, got 60 almost dialed today T -. 3 days
• 39:43
  the tack baby. Hey, so what's your what's your
• 39:49
  game plan for for doing well attack.
• 39:51
  And if anybody doesn't know, Zach, what is TAC?
• 39:55
  What is the point of it? What do you do?
• 39:57
  TAC is Total archery challenge. They go across the country
• 40:00
  setting up 3D courses up and down and around ski resorts
• 40:05
  usually. So you go and they're usually
• 40:09
  like 25 target courses, different skill gaps.
• 40:16
  Some are, you know, 60 to 100 with steep angles.
• 40:19
  Some are just. You know, 30 to 70 pretty normal
• 40:22
  shots, but it's a big festival to use all your all your vendors
• 40:28
  and whatnot there and you get to test, you can test new bows, new
• 40:30
  gear, saddle hunting, mobile hunting, camos, vinyl harnesses,
• 40:35
  all that. Yeah, I got a couple buddies who
• 40:41
  are spinning up for a tac trip when they come out this way.
• 40:45
  And I, I'm already kicking myself even though
• 40:48
  registration's still open. I just know that I'm not going
• 40:50
  to fucking be able to swing it this year.
• 40:53
  But I also told myself last year that I was shooting tack this
• 40:56
  year, and now I'm staying. I'm definitely shooting tack
• 40:59
  next year. Dude so much fun.
• 41:01
  We went, we went last year, shot 2 courses.
• 41:05
  Where is it? The there's three in Michigan.
• 41:09
  There's Boyne Mountain, Crystal Mountain and somewhere up in
• 41:13
  Iron Mountain. OK.
• 41:16
  They're like back-to-back weekends.
• 41:19
  I'm going to Boing. Yeah, OK.
• 41:21
  But I went to Crystal last year and then the weekend for Boing
• 41:25
  just lined up better for me this year.
• 41:27
  OK, they need to. Drag Jimmy along next year and
• 41:32
  you know what? Maybe there was.
• 41:34
  We'll get on Gavin, we'll get on Gavin to put some sets and reps
• 41:38
  in with his bow and we'll all just meet up in Michigan.
• 41:41
  We'll have a Three Damn Dudes outing.
• 41:44
  Hell yeah, there's a three course right down the road for
• 41:48
  me too. You guys are both talking at the
• 41:51
  same time, sorry. Go ahead buddy.
• 41:54
  I. Said I haven't even gotten my.
• 41:56
  Ball out, they sure blasphemy. I know, I know it.
• 42:03
  I've been tired all winter. Car accidents.
• 42:06
  I can't even blame the car accident dude.
• 42:08
  I can blame him. Living in a trailer park, I
• 42:13
  don't care. I can't just step outside and
• 42:15
  start flinging arrows. I'll hit a stray cat.
• 42:18
  That's exactly where I would expect someone to step outside
• 42:21
  and fling arrows. Yeah, for sure.
• 42:22
  I was just going to say shoot down your hallway.
• 42:24
  You probably got 20 yards in your trailer from 1:00.
• 42:26
  I honestly have thought about it.
• 42:32
  I would be a liar. I don't have 20 yards.
• 42:37
  I got like, I don't know, 20 feet probably have a clear shot
• 42:44
  from where the where the laundry go stands and my kids bedroom
• 42:50
  door. That's that's.
• 42:52
  Where I can put the? Target.
• 42:54
  So you could probably makes. You could probably understand
• 42:57
  why the logistics of that are not very good.
• 43:00
  Hey junior, hold this fucking bag target.
• 43:03
  Imagine. I'll stand on the side.
• 43:05
  Imagine responding to that call. Yeah, it'd be it.
• 43:12
  A predicament I have, I have flung some arrows next to the
• 43:18
  trailer, like put a target up against my shed.
• 43:22
  The only problem is, is like I have to stand by the road in my
• 43:26
  driveway to get 20 yards at my shed because I I, I won't.
• 43:31
  I don't want to just start sending the arrows towards the
• 43:34
  neighbors behind me. So like I use my shed as a
• 43:37
  backdrop and my farthest shot is 20, so it's really not worth it.
• 43:41
  And plus I'm standing like right out in the open in my driveway.
• 43:45
  Like people like it's just not worth the trouble.
• 43:47
  I don't know the legality of it like so I just don't do it.
• 43:54
  Nah, I spent all winter in my garage shooting 10 feet.
• 43:59
  Yeah, yeah. Just just formed down.
• 44:02
  I got a new release too, so I was messing with that, breaking
• 44:06
  in a new bowstring and whatnot, but.
• 44:10
  I have a few, like I live right by the I have a couple
• 44:14
  recreational areas. I'm pretty sure you can shoot
• 44:19
  your bow in there. I know there's no hunting zones,
• 44:25
  but I don't know if that's applies to targets with archery.
• 44:29
  So I don't, I don't know, it's hard to.
• 44:31
  One way to find out. Just go do it and yells at you.
• 44:38
  Until the DNR shows up. So sorry.
• 44:44
  Sorry. But I do need to shoot.
• 44:48
  I, I, I regretted not shooting last year.
• 44:52
  Last year I didn't shoot enough at all.
• 44:55
  And it did translate into my hunting season last year.
• 45:01
  So I, I, I do want to shoot more this year.
• 45:06
  I just don't know. Shooting is one of those things
• 45:09
  where it's like it's more fun to do with somebody and I don't
• 45:13
  really have anybody around here to shoot with, you know?
• 45:19
  I use it as just a peaceful therapy, you know, just focus on
• 45:25
  one thing, you don't have to worry about everything else
• 45:26
  right that second. Even if it's 5 or 10 arrows.
• 45:30
  Well, in the morning after work, yeah, I can do it right in my
• 45:33
  front yard. Yeah, yeah.
• 45:35
  I was going to say like. You can get 100 yard shot in
• 45:39
  your fucking front yard and motherfucker you can make it.
• 45:42
  I synced it with my both eyes. I, I, I can, I just cleared a
• 45:48
  better spot to where I don't have to put the target out in
• 45:50
  the middle of the yard anymore and I can use my, my backdrop.
• 45:53
  I can get to 95 yards before behind that concrete pile and
• 45:58
  you kind of shoot over it. So it's kind of a 3D shoot
• 46:01
  feeling. I haven't shot it yet, but you
• 46:04
  can get 95 before it drops back down in the woods a little bit
• 46:07
  and you get to where you don't really want to shoot no more.
• 46:11
  Is that so? Does that put your impact zone
• 46:14
  over by where those fucking ground Hornets were?
• 46:19
  No, no. That puts that impact zone where
• 46:22
  we're shooting 203040. OK.
• 46:26
  Yeah. So I have that.
• 46:27
  Finding. A whole horse trip that whole
• 46:29
  that horse mat set up behind my targets so now when I'm shooting
• 46:33
  95 I don't have to worry about arrows as much.
• 46:37
  God that would have been nice. I would have come home with all
• 46:40
  of my arrows instead of short three of them.
• 46:43
  Yeah, yeah, it took, it took about 3 hours of cutting some
• 46:46
  branches of all those damn pine trees, but we got her.
• 46:49
  Yeah, did you find my arrows, by the way?
• 46:52
  No, no, I have not found any arrows out there.
• 46:54
  I've looked extensively. I brought a metal detector out
• 46:57
  to find arrows and I did not find a single one.
• 47:02
  They go. Are you coming back to Michigan
• 47:06
  in the summer? We should do that again.
• 47:08
  We should run that back. I don't know when I'm coming
• 47:11
  back again. I think Thanksgiving and
• 47:12
  Christmas will be out here. So I don't know, I might make, I
• 47:17
  might make birthday trips back to Michigan moving.
• 47:20
  Forward set first part of September, Wes's first birthday.
• 47:30
  I'll have to I'll have to be strategic with my PTO and comp
• 47:33
  time, but might be able to make it work.
• 47:38
  I got the mom Des camper in the front yard.
• 47:42
  Have your people talk to my people.
• 47:44
  We tried that last time, it didn't work.
• 47:47
  Yeah. We will.
• 47:50
  I think we will be our people. I think our people should be us.
• 47:54
  I used to rely on our peoples. But.
• 47:57
  Yeah, I'll just tell him to get in the fucking van, pack an
• 47:59
  overnight bag. We're going to go on a mystery
• 48:01
  trip. I almost didn't see him this
• 48:07
  time when he came, we cut it close.
• 48:11
  I didn't see Zach. Yeah, the one day where we
• 48:14
  actually both had the opening, I think somebody was fucking sick
• 48:20
  on our end. So we're like.
• 48:22
  Oh, you didn't people? I thought you guys didn't do the
• 48:24
  Frankenmuth thing. No, that day, that day we were
• 48:29
  rolling the dice on shitting your ass for shitting your
• 48:32
  pants. And that's that's.
• 48:34
  Kind of. To be Prairie dogging.
• 48:39
  They were going to define what level is which.
• 48:42
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's that's not a
• 48:46
  situation I want to clean up on the road.
• 48:48
  No, no. So.
• 48:51
  That's probably an hour and a half from you, right?
• 48:53
  Well, no, probably an hour from you, right Frankenmuth?
• 48:57
  Yeah, it's like an hour, hour 15 maybe.
• 49:02
  Almost gave away your location. Yeah, yeah.
• 49:06
  That's let's not do that. All right.
• 49:12
  You guys ready to to get into what we're actually here to talk
• 49:15
  about? So many cracker opens.
• 49:21
  I should have skipped my nap and went and got beers, yes.
• 49:28
  I fucking should have. I risked it like right after you
• 49:33
  sent the last snap to me or whatever.
• 49:35
  I hopped in bed and passed out for an hour.
• 49:38
  I took a nap. I was like, I'm going to fucking
• 49:39
  wake up at 7:30. 5. Bossy.
• 49:43
  And I did. What a goofball.
• 49:47
  But I should have got some beers, yeah.
• 49:51
  All right, Zach, so who are you? What do you do?
• 49:56
  And I understand that you have a small handful of stories that
• 50:02
  you have recollected for the sake of some good laughs or just
• 50:07
  some gross fucking encounters. And I think after that, we'll
• 50:11
  get into the questions that we have with what time we have
• 50:14
  left. Well, some of them I, I kind of
• 50:17
  went through your guys's questions and kind of attached
• 50:19
  some stories to the questions a little bit too.
• 50:22
  Oh, all right. Yeah, a couple of them.
• 50:24
  Do you want to? Well, do you have a story that
• 50:27
  doesn't map to a question? Yeah, it kind of goes into
• 50:32
  recaps too a little bit. First off, I am a law
• 50:35
  enforcement officer in the state of Michigan.
• 50:38
  Have been doing this for about 8 years.
• 50:42
  No higher than just a standard standard officer.
• 50:46
  I don't when I started. I'm not a supervisor, I'm a fire
• 50:49
  engines instructor, do a couple other specialty things but
• 50:52
  nothing crazy. I don't not cool enough to be
• 50:56
  honest. Watch team or or jump out team
• 50:58
  or fug team or anything like that this week.
• 51:04
  So in the last two these these stories from the last two weeks,
• 51:07
  I'll start. You want gross first or just
• 51:10
  like people are stupid first? Let's let's start out gross.
• 51:13
  So we have a redeeming story afterward.
• 51:15
  We don't have that linger. So we went to a call for a
• 51:20
  check. well-being trailer park. Brother found his sister
• 51:25
  deceased for two to three weeks. Yeah, I got real, real lucky.
• 51:34
  It was a hoarder house with several dogs and cats.
• 51:39
  Have you guys ever seen a deer on the side of the road?
• 51:43
  Like after the flies get to it. You're talking decomposition
• 51:49
  stains and all of that. Yeah, Oh yeah, yeah.
• 51:53
  And with cats they went. Oh my God.
• 51:56
  They went in with hazmat suits. Yeah, and cats, dude, cats eat
• 52:01
  people after they die. I mean, dogs do too, but.
• 52:05
  Do they? I know Cat.
• 52:06
  They can't. This sparker will eat me the
• 52:08
  minute I die. I already know it.
• 52:10
  He's just waiting. Just your balls.
• 52:12
  He's ready to eat my ball. He's going to eat my ass when I
• 52:15
  die, dude. But yeah, the from the pictures,
• 52:23
  because I didn't go inside, I got lucky roadkill covered in
• 52:30
  like everything's moving without anything actually moving.
• 52:34
  Maggots. Yummy.
• 52:38
  Things that make you go bad. Now, kind of a weird question.
• 52:46
  So they went in for like whoever you were with went in first,
• 52:50
  right? And sculpted out and went in and
• 52:52
  was like. Oh, SH EMS. Yeah, EMS. Well, EMS
• 52:55
  got there first and confirmed that she was indeed and during
• 53:00
  late stages of decomposition. Are you allowed to what?
• 53:05
  What is the what are the rules behind you're like, Oh, I got to
• 53:07
  see this or, or is that a no go? What do you mean like So like if
• 53:13
  you, if you were like, oh, that's fucking disgusting.
• 53:16
  But I, I, I want to see it like, are you allowed to go in like as
• 53:20
  a cop like, or do you, do you have like?
• 53:23
  If I'm the investigating officer, I have to this case, I
• 53:28
  got lucky. One of my partners works for the
• 53:31
  fire department, Yeah, and actually showed up as part of
• 53:35
  the fire department. So he don't his hazmat suit and
• 53:39
  took the pictures and went in for me.
• 53:41
  Yeah, OK. Yeah.
• 53:42
  I mean, I wouldn't want to go in and see that, but I was.
• 53:45
  Just seeing it's not the problem.
• 53:47
  Smelling it. The smell is is the problem.
• 53:51
  Yeah. I couldn't imagine.
• 53:53
  There is, there is nothing like it.
• 53:55
  That I couldn't imagine. Dude, I I I know what AI know
• 54:04
  what a rotting animal smells like.
• 54:06
  I've heard, I've heard. Worse.
• 54:10
  I I so I get super into, I get super into like like crime scene
• 54:16
  pictures and and stuff like that.
• 54:18
  Like it's always like struck my fancy like so like I'm, I'm
• 54:21
  pretty like I've I've heard what it's what it smells like, what
• 54:25
  it looks like and everything like that.
• 54:26
  And it's, it's like one of those smells that you can't shake.
• 54:29
  It sticks sticks in your nose for a little while and.
• 54:32
  It sticks. To everything I wouldn't want.
• 54:35
  I wouldn't want that smell. I could only imagine.
• 54:38
  It sticks to everything. That is crazy.
• 54:44
  You'll walk out of there and smell it three days later.
• 54:47
  Oh yeah. Shoes without stepping anything,
• 54:49
  just you'll just get a whiff and you're like.
• 54:54
  My buddy, I'd ask if I'd ask if that smell gets stuck in your
• 54:57
  mustache, but I don't think anything gets stuck in that
• 54:59
  little baby Caterpillar. It's blonde and white.
• 55:04
  Thank you very much, Sir. Love you buddy.
• 55:11
  My buddy boiled boiled my deer skull for me and it was the same
• 55:15
  thing. It was that the smell man like
• 55:17
  because it would. They waited a little while to
• 55:19
  boil it too, so it wasn't. It was, he said.
• 55:22
  He said he couldn't sleep. The smell was in.
• 55:24
  His mouth. So bad.
• 55:25
  Yeah, well marinated. He's like, I am never doing that
• 55:30
  again. He's like, next year we're
• 55:32
  burying them. He's like, we will never be
• 55:34
  boiling skulls again. If you don't do it when they're
• 55:38
  rotting, it's not bad. It's a good starting point is
• 55:44
  before they start rotting. Right, right.
• 55:49
  Yeah, I know. We waited.
• 55:49
  I. Put mine in the freezer for like
• 55:51
  3 months. The whole thing.
• 55:53
  Yeah. Then the other thing, so this is
• 55:59
  just stupid people female is living in a house with their ex
• 56:06
  boyfriends, get into a fight. I go out separate them, talk to
• 56:11
  them. They're like just are you in
• 56:13
  blah blah blah standard not a big deal.
• 56:16
  I'm like OK, let's why don't we get you somewhere else so this
• 56:18
  doesn't escalate because you 2 are going to be are just being
• 56:21
  ridiculous. She goes Nope, I'm going to sit
• 56:24
  outside till my friends come pick me up from a very long ways
• 56:27
  away and I'm like, OK, I tried to warn you.
• 56:32
  I come back that evening and they're like, yeah, we wouldn't
• 56:34
  picked her up An hour later she slapped him in the face.
• 56:36
  I was like oh perfect. Come to find out now this is a
• 56:42
  week later which is this last week she went back and start
• 56:45
  arguing with him again after getting out of jail.
• 56:47
  That's a bond violation. Guess what you go to jail.
• 56:52
  On the way to jail she decided to bang her head off the
• 56:55
  partition and made herself look like scary in the scary movie.
• 56:59
  Just hospital trip to jail. Then the other day she gets out
• 57:08
  of jail, is out of jail less than two hours, is back at the
• 57:11
  house, and then proceeds to fight us and catches several
• 57:15
  felonies. Damn.
• 57:22
  Somebody out there is thinking I can fix her.
• 57:25
  Guaranteed. Guaranteed.
• 57:30
  I can fix her. She seems pretty hung up on the
• 57:32
  last guy. I wonder if he's going to write
• 57:35
  her letters from from prison. We're drugs.
• 57:42
  And no that weed but. It's crazy.
• 57:46
  I wish somebody fought for me the way she fights her ex.
• 57:50
  Yeah, no shit. No shit.
• 57:58
  Did she win? No, she got my.
• 58:02
  Suitcase carried into the car. Oh.
• 58:07
  OK. Oh.
• 58:12
  OK. There was, there was.
• 58:13
  She did not. Win.
• 58:15
  Yeah. She got the bam bam helmet and
• 58:17
  got suitcase carried to the car. Placed into the car.
• 58:22
  Yeah, no lacerations for you this time.
• 58:25
  No, we're not playing them games.
• 58:29
  Jeez. Can't fix stupid.
• 58:32
  That's. Why?
• 58:34
  Yeah, more or less. Sorry, Don't.
• 58:37
  Don't fight the cops. I mean, fuck fight.
• 58:39
  Fight your boyfriend all you want, but yeah, don't fight the
• 58:42
  cops. Yeah, they never win.
• 58:45
  Like no one ever really wins those.
• 58:48
  Well, I, I would imagine you guys win pretty consistently.
• 58:53
  Our attrition and numbers. Attrition and numbers.
• 58:57
  Yeah, yeah, that and Tasers, but we'll get there in a little bit.
• 59:07
  All right. You have any other any other
• 59:09
  stories to start us off or do you want to get any of these
• 59:11
  questions? I I don't think I have any other
• 59:15
  stories that need to be brought up right like that.
• 59:17
  Let me check my note here. I know darn pauses.
• 59:30
  Beats get in your spot bro. You don't have a baby, get in
• 59:33
  your spot bro. I can't.
• 59:34
  I don't remember exactly when this happened but there was a
• 59:36
  pretty funny one. We found a car one day on the
• 59:40
  side of a dirt Rd. middle of the road, just parked.
• 59:43
  We walk up and there's two people.
• 59:45
  Just a fucking pretty pretty standard like what are you guys
• 59:50
  doing, get dressed. We made sure they are consenting
• 59:54
  adults and my partner just looks at the guy and just goes on the
• 59:58
  side of the road. Just.
• 1:00:00
  Do better. It just we walk away.
• 1:00:07
  That one popped in my head the other day.
• 1:00:09
  That was pretty funny. You just roll up tank tank tank.
• 1:00:14
  Hey, can't park here. Pretty much.
• 1:00:18
  You good? You're good.
• 1:00:20
  No one. OK, cool.
• 1:00:21
  Hey, what the fuck? Do better.
• 1:00:23
  God, at least get a hotel. Fuck.
• 1:00:28
  Jeez, that's great. There's. 20,000 acres of state
• 1:00:33
  land. You pick the side of a public
• 1:00:35
  roadway. Yeah, there are.
• 1:00:38
  There are a lot of nooks and crannies you could go to.
• 1:00:42
  Yeah. I don't want to talk about how
• 1:00:44
  much thought I've put into that, but there's, there's, there's
• 1:00:48
  plenty of places, you know? Jimmy Shed for example.
• 1:00:52
  No one will find you doing anything back.
• 1:00:54
  Under there. Under there.
• 1:00:56
  Stay in your spot underwear. Yeah.
• 1:01:03
  All right, what is the craziest thing you have seen in the line
• 1:01:09
  of duty? See, that wasn't, that was a
• 1:01:12
  tough one. There's a lot of like crazy
• 1:01:18
  things. Car chases are great.
• 1:01:20
  I love car chases. I had one guy drive through a
• 1:01:24
  field like shrimp going to a cornfield and start doing
• 1:01:28
  circles. I wish I could pit people.
• 1:01:33
  Can you not? No, no, that's very frowned upon
• 1:01:37
  in my department. It's a huge liability and you
• 1:01:43
  gotta go extra training and stuff.
• 1:01:45
  Y'all are getting soft. Yeah, we we are not the Arkansas
• 1:01:52
  State Police. Zach, I'm gonna need you to get
• 1:01:56
  hard right now. Already.
• 1:01:58
  Yeah. Who's the who's that officer
• 1:02:03
  that everybody talks about? I think it's like Officer Boyd
• 1:02:06
  or some shit like that. I think from Arkansas, who's
• 1:02:09
  just a master of the fucking pit maneuver.
• 1:02:13
  Like dude is an absolute fucking animal.
• 1:02:17
  I've watched a lot of their videos and they pit a lot and it
• 1:02:20
  is awesome every single time. I don't know this.
• 1:02:30
  OK. BearCat.
• 1:02:32
  Do you guys know what a BearCat is?
• 1:02:35
  Jimmy, do you know what a BearCat is?
• 1:02:37
  OK, A BearCat is a armored vehicle.
• 1:02:40
  So think of, like a giant van. Like, like a Brinks truck?
• 1:02:47
  Yes, but bigger. Yeah.
• 1:02:50
  They put booms on the front. OK so we chased the guy around
• 1:02:56
  after he made some threats with a gun.
• 1:02:59
  He shot some Roman candles at us.
• 1:03:02
  Ends up going back to his shot, getting back to his house and
• 1:03:04
  getting in the house. We try getting him out for I
• 1:03:08
  don't know, 3-4 hours. SWAT gets there and everything.
• 1:03:13
  Well then a BearCat gets there and I get to go sit in the
• 1:03:18
  BearCat and the dude who drives the BearCat is a total badass.
• 1:03:22
  Like tier one of the police in the state of Michigan, and he's
• 1:03:29
  talking about this, talk about that.
• 1:03:31
  He's describing the different shoot holes and what this does
• 1:03:33
  and what that does. And then he sees something is on
• 1:03:36
  the radio and then gets off the radio and back right to the
• 1:03:38
  fucking conversation. Just spot on.
• 1:03:41
  Top tier motherfucker. And so I get out of the BearCat.
• 1:03:48
  So the rest of the team goes, SWAT team goes in and they drive
• 1:03:52
  the BearCat up the stairs and blow the front door apart.
• 1:03:56
  The front of the house just implodes.
• 1:03:59
  He missed the door the first time and hit just above it and
• 1:04:01
  just destroyed the whole roof. Just backs up, hits it again and
• 1:04:07
  just. That was crazy.
• 1:04:11
  That was crazy. Oh, last one, working with a
• 1:04:17
  canine tracking a dude who assaulted, I don't remember who
• 1:04:22
  he salted. Somebody salted somebody with a
• 1:04:24
  knife. So we're tracking him around a
• 1:04:25
  little ways in the dark. Find him in the shed.
• 1:04:28
  He doesn't come out. Same tier one dude was with us
• 1:04:32
  at this time. Dog goes in, bites the dude.
• 1:04:37
  We get him secured and it looks like somebody took a machete to
• 1:04:41
  his leg. A single just that that that was
• 1:04:49
  that was nuts. And then we put the dude on the
• 1:04:52
  top of a garbage can and the tier one guys just fucking
• 1:04:55
  tourniquet. All right, dude, you're not
• 1:04:57
  going to like this. Crank, crank and the dude's
• 1:05:00
  screaming. Cut my leg off.
• 1:05:03
  Just fucking kill me. Just fucking kill me.
• 1:05:08
  And the guy goes, you're really not going to like this part boss
• 1:05:11
  and locks it and the dude is just going ballistic.
• 1:05:16
  It's not the bleeding. It worked great.
• 1:05:19
  Oh yeah, was it from the dog or did he cut himself?
• 1:05:22
  Oh, no, no, the dogs. The dog bite sliced him open.
• 1:05:25
  It was probably 8 to 10 inches and 3 1/2 inches deep.
• 1:05:32
  Ouch. Yeah.
• 1:05:33
  Good, that was. Kind of nuts.
• 1:05:36
  Yeah. Good boy.
• 1:05:37
  Yeah. That was that was cool.
• 1:05:41
  I always see the videos like I don't know why.
• 1:05:44
  I always feel like I don't know what led to this, right?
• 1:05:48
  But you know, you always see the, the, the videos of the
• 1:05:50
  people getting chased by the dog and stuff like, like, like
• 1:05:56
  there's a video of this guy getting attacked by a dog.
• 1:06:00
  And so like, naturally I'm not going to defend whatever action
• 1:06:04
  led to that situation, but he's defend at that point.
• 1:06:07
  He's defending himself from the dog.
• 1:06:11
  And then the cops just fucking treat you like you're a piece of
• 1:06:13
  shit because you're trying to defend yourself again.
• 1:06:16
  Don't you hit my dog. Oh yeah, let me just let it
• 1:06:18
  fucking eat me alive. Like shit.
• 1:06:20
  Like I always feel bad like a little bit for the guy that's
• 1:06:23
  getting like bitten by the dog, but I mean they're in that
• 1:06:25
  situation in the 1st place for a reason, but I couldn't.
• 1:06:28
  Imagine the. Pain of a freaking German
• 1:06:31
  Shepherd just sinking it's freaking teeth into my leg.
• 1:06:35
  Oh. God.
• 1:06:36
  For two, those dogs are trained not to like tear.
• 1:06:39
  They they grip and hold. So it's not like they're chewing
• 1:06:42
  on you, right. It's a it's it's a hold.
• 1:06:45
  Yeah. You're going to get tore up one
• 1:06:48
  of our butt. One of my buddies got into a
• 1:06:50
  bike suit for one of our trainings and got bit a couple
• 1:06:52
  of times and he had bruising for weeks.
• 1:06:56
  Yeah, his he had more bruising than you did from your car
• 1:06:59
  crash. Oh, I bet.
• 1:07:00
  I bet. I wouldn't.
• 1:07:02
  I would not want to fuck with a with a canine, that's for sure.
• 1:07:05
  No, I love fucking with them. They're great to work with.
• 1:07:10
  Yeah. It's always cool.
• 1:07:12
  So much. Fun.
• 1:07:14
  But another video that's funny to watch is like you've seen
• 1:07:18
  that there's a video of this guy who hits the cop, the cops like
• 1:07:21
  trying to stop him or whatever and he like swings in the cop
• 1:07:24
  and the cop stops, takes a step back, unlocks the car, and then
• 1:07:28
  the. Dog jumps out and then the.
• 1:07:30
  Music cues up like the basically now you fucked up like type
• 1:07:33
  music, you know? Like.
• 1:07:35
  Yep, that that's a that's a funny.
• 1:07:36
  One to watch though, like oh shit.
• 1:07:42
  Would not want to be on the receiving end of that.
• 1:07:46
  No, not at all. No, no, what And like, right,
• 1:07:51
  I've never interacted with police canines, but some of the
• 1:07:56
  some of the cool guys fucking dogs that I've been around or
• 1:08:00
  seen work when I was when I was still in.
• 1:08:04
  Nope, no, no, I I watched those dogs fucking kill a dude
• 1:08:10
  straight up. And I was like, I, I saw that.
• 1:08:16
  I saw a dog and a handler back when we all wrapped up that
• 1:08:20
  night and I was like, were you guys just out doing some stuff?
• 1:08:25
  And he's like, yeah, dogs freshly fucking washed.
• 1:08:30
  And I'm like, huh, can I pet that dog?
• 1:08:36
  And dudes like, yeah, man, just just be aware this dog has no
• 1:08:40
  play. So you are gentle and you were
• 1:08:43
  nice. And I'm like, oh, I know, I, I
• 1:08:45
  know. I, I watched.
• 1:08:48
  I fucking know. I saw, I witnessed.
• 1:08:55
  All right, let's get into some more questions.
• 1:08:57
  Have you ever had to do a cavity search?
• 1:09:02
  No, Nope. Generally that happens at the
• 1:09:04
  jail. That's fair.
• 1:09:05
  My next question was going to be did they have any cavities?
• 1:09:11
  So funny. You're so funny.
• 1:09:13
  OK, let me ask that question a different way.
• 1:09:17
  Have you ever had to look for stuff all the way up inside
• 1:09:20
  someone's butt hole? Butt holes.
• 1:09:23
  No butt. No, no butt holes.
• 1:09:26
  What have you had to look for stuff all the way up inside of,
• 1:09:29
  if not butt holes? Nothing.
• 1:09:32
  OK, I don't. Hear that part?
• 1:09:34
  For yeah, that we establish that in the last question.
• 1:09:36
  That's that's the jail's job. Yeah, that's not my job.
• 1:09:39
  I get to go, here you go, he said.
• 1:09:41
  He's got stuff up his butt. He said he's got some stuff up
• 1:09:46
  his butt hole, so I'm not going to look at that.
• 1:09:50
  Damn, once I made the jail though.
• 1:09:51
  Isn't that a whole new charge? Is that why you don't look in
• 1:09:57
  their butt hole? No, no, no.
• 1:10:00
  We either take him to the hospital or the jail to to do
• 1:10:02
  that sort of thing. Damn, I just been doing it all
• 1:10:06
  right. Apparently you can also just
• 1:10:10
  call Jimmy. He'll look in anyone's butt
• 1:10:12
  hole. Jimmy will get just get in
• 1:10:14
  there. This is our new approach to
• 1:10:16
  fighting the war on crime. Just.
• 1:10:20
  Jimmy with a shoulder glove that's used for checking cow
• 1:10:23
  stomachs. Just like, yeah, he's still
• 1:10:26
  alive. I feel his heartbeat.
• 1:10:29
  Well, you got a pulse. No, I'm holding his heart.
• 1:10:31
  Your hands in his ass. Yeah.
• 1:10:34
  And to. Work him like a puppet.
• 1:10:36
  Just going to say make him a puppet.
• 1:10:41
  It's a new interrogation method the detectives use.
• 1:10:43
  They just called Jimmy. Shouldn't they make him watch 20
• 1:10:47
  minutes as he washes his fucking hands and gets the shoulder
• 1:10:50
  length glove out spray? You don't want a tube.
• 1:10:56
  You've got a 55 gallon drum, a ditty Lube.
• 1:10:58
  It's like, what's that? What what's what's that for?
• 1:11:03
  Oh, he's going to make you talk. Call an officer, Stink fist.
• 1:11:07
  We need him. Oh geez, so you don't do cavity
• 1:11:13
  searches but I'm assuming you guys still, you know, do an
• 1:11:16
  initial search or pat down for for officer safety?
• 1:11:20
  What is the craziest thing you found on someone's person on one
• 1:11:25
  second on? On somebody's person, not too
• 1:11:30
  long ago we had somebody straight up hand me a mini
• 1:11:35
  rubber made container, like like a key chain rubber made
• 1:11:39
  container. She goes here, here's my dab
• 1:11:42
  wax. Open it up.
• 1:11:44
  That's math, ma'am. That that's straight up math.
• 1:11:49
  What do you mean? It's my emotional support math.
• 1:12:00
  Just straight up math. Math is big up there for some
• 1:12:03
  reason I don't. Know meth and heroin?
• 1:12:06
  Yeah, crazy. So I'm trying to have my wife
• 1:12:11
  bring me the charger because my computer might die.
• 1:12:15
  I got like 30 minutes, it says right just end in the middle of
• 1:12:18
  the conversation. Right, All right, so I mean,
• 1:12:23
  meth's a pretty crazy thing. I mean, I I guess it'd be a
• 1:12:27
  pretty crazy thing to find to have someone hand you put your
• 1:12:34
  Zach found the Zach found the button that lets him raise his
• 1:12:36
  hand. So that's that's a fun thing.
• 1:12:42
  But I feel like they're kind of like what Jimmy was getting at.
• 1:12:45
  I feel like it's not that crazy for just the Midwest in general
• 1:12:50
  to find meth on someone. No, no, I have a My hand was
• 1:12:54
  raised because I have a pretty funny finding meth story if
• 1:12:57
  you'd like to hear it. Does the Pope shit in the woods?
• 1:13:00
  Fucking probably. I don't know, Let's hear it.
• 1:13:03
  Perfect. Perfect.
• 1:13:06
  So we chase this car, they run from us.
• 1:13:11
  Just no reason other than it looks suspicious and was
• 1:13:14
  speeding. I look down and we're going 120
• 1:13:18
  and I'm like, Oh yeah, they're running from me.
• 1:13:20
  OK, cool. It's midwinter.
• 1:13:24
  They drive, I think it was like a suburban or something.
• 1:13:27
  They drive into the middle of the field, get him out, no big
• 1:13:31
  deal, Pat him down. And I'm as we're walking, I take
• 1:13:36
  one, my partner takes the other. It's a male and a female.
• 1:13:41
  I have the female and she's like, he beats the shit out of
• 1:13:44
  me. He just beat the shit out of me.
• 1:13:46
  I didn't want to run, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
• 1:13:47
  blah. OK, all right, what happened?
• 1:13:50
  Blah, blah, blah. And so I go to the mail and he
• 1:13:54
  immediately goes. She's going to tell you I just
• 1:13:56
  beat the shit out of her and kidnapped her.
• 1:13:57
  But we've been together fucking for four days.
• 1:14:00
  She has meth in her tits right now.
• 1:14:07
  Interesting play there. OK, all right, let's go call
• 1:14:11
  this bluff. Let's see who's lying.
• 1:14:14
  I walk back over to her and I go.
• 1:14:16
  Ma'am, do you have anything on your purse that I need to be
• 1:14:19
  aware of? She was.
• 1:14:20
  Nope. I said OK, he's telling me you
• 1:14:23
  have drugs in your possession, possibly somewhere in your bra.
• 1:14:29
  She goes and pulls out and hands me a bag of meth.
• 1:14:42
  I go ma'am. Really the double take.
• 1:14:49
  He, he got me dressed today. I did.
• 1:14:51
  I, I I. Didn't do that.
• 1:14:53
  It's not my mess. Oh, so you're a fucking child
• 1:15:01
  now? Right.
• 1:15:03
  That's. Not my pain.
• 1:15:04
  So that's that's kind of a wild, a wild claim.
• 1:15:12
  Did you So like when somebody, when somebody makes that claim,
• 1:15:18
  like you obviously got to look into that, right?
• 1:15:20
  Like, like, even though it might be asinine, like you do you have
• 1:15:24
  to look into the possibility that she might have been
• 1:15:27
  kidnapped and, and, and stuff like that.
• 1:15:29
  It's kind of a. Yes, you look into it, but I, I
• 1:15:35
  knew these people from prior engagements or prior calls, they
• 1:15:42
  had a long history of domestic stuff and then going back and
• 1:15:48
  forth to each other and so on and so forth.
• 1:15:54
  So like you look into it and but it was pretty easily disclaimed.
• 1:16:01
  Like it was very unlikely that she was kidnapped based on her
• 1:16:07
  later statements and his statements.
• 1:16:10
  What a bold claim. Like that's just your first go
• 1:16:12
  to. He kidnapped me and beat the
• 1:16:15
  shit out of me while having meth in your tits.
• 1:16:18
  Like not, not a not. That the double takes what
• 1:16:22
  really got me when she like took one way, look the other and then
• 1:16:26
  look back and gave me the face. Just.
• 1:16:31
  How are you shocked? You you knew?
• 1:16:33
  How do you not know it was there?
• 1:16:34
  Yeah, you lose. You do lose, kind of.
• 1:16:37
  You do lose all credibility when you yeah, when you do a double,
• 1:16:41
  double take on a titty with meth in it as if you didn't see it
• 1:16:45
  the first fucking you didn't see it on your first go around.
• 1:16:50
  Officer, I swear that my cocaine balloon all the way up my ass
• 1:16:54
  right now. Yeah, and then she created like.
• 1:16:56
  That pair. We found some other
• 1:16:59
  paraphernalia in the car. She's like she he threw it at me
• 1:17:02
  and hit me in the face while he was trying to throw it out the
• 1:17:04
  window. Damn, your window wasn't down.
• 1:17:11
  So do they did they both get hit for possession or just her since
• 1:17:16
  it was in her tits it. Was actually her left tit that
• 1:17:21
  got the possession charge. Just the left one.
• 1:17:25
  It made for awkward, awkward sentencing.
• 1:17:29
  I don't. I don't remember if they both
• 1:17:31
  got possession or or not because there's some other stuff going
• 1:17:34
  on too that they're going to get some additional additional
• 1:17:38
  charges based on some other stuff going on.
• 1:17:42
  I don't know if I could be in a relationship with somebody who
• 1:17:45
  just right off RIP goes to hey, he beats the shit out of me and.
• 1:17:49
  Kidnap me. That's kind of kind of the
• 1:17:53
  point, like, yeah, it's. Pretty wild.
• 1:17:55
  To their history. Fucking bold dude.
• 1:18:02
  Yeah, that's math. That's.
• 1:18:06
  Damn meth. Bravo, Americans, Bravo.
• 1:18:10
  The people want to know. And by the people, I mean the
• 1:18:13
  three of us. Have you ever done a desktop?
• 1:18:18
  No. Under what circumstances would
• 1:18:21
  you do a desktop? A training exercise?
• 1:18:29
  Do they? Do they like if we got to shoot
• 1:18:31
  out of a car? Well, that wouldn't be a
• 1:18:34
  desktop, that would be a car pop.
• 1:18:37
  Fair. No, I don't know.
• 1:18:41
  Desktops. No, desktops.
• 1:18:44
  It's very frowned. On I mean, I would imagine it
• 1:18:47
  didn't work out for Will Ferrell and the other guys, so I can't
• 1:18:50
  imagine it would work out for you.
• 1:18:52
  Yeah. On that note of bad ideas that
• 1:18:56
  probably wouldn't work out well for you that are also probably a
• 1:18:59
  no, have you ever done a car crank?
• 1:19:01
  No. Have you ever thought about it?
• 1:19:05
  Oh, OK, OK, important distinction.
• 1:19:09
  Yeah, working versus not working, you know.
• 1:19:14
  So you've had non working car cranks?
• 1:19:16
  Yeah. Oh yeah, Who hasn't?
• 1:19:18
  Was that to stay awake on a road trip or were you just bored?
• 1:19:21
  Didn't want to go in the house yet.
• 1:19:24
  I think I was on the way home. I just had to pull over, you
• 1:19:27
  know? Damn, I haven't had a car crank
• 1:19:32
  I. Don't think I've got a car crank
• 1:19:35
  either. Kind of need to now feel like
• 1:19:41
  I'm missing. Out and you pull, you pulled
• 1:19:43
  over. Could you imagine?
• 1:19:47
  Can you? Imagine if he didn't.
• 1:19:54
  I hope that's a fucking magic clip because I.
• 1:19:56
  Want to make that the Facebook? Post so bad, just you doing what
• 1:19:59
  you're doing right now. I'm I'm pretty sure people get
• 1:20:08
  arrested for doing that all the time.
• 1:20:11
  I don't know Zach ever arrested anyone for doing a car crank.
• 1:20:14
  Oh yeah, have you ever run No freaking wild?
• 1:20:17
  No car cranks. No, you just.
• 1:20:19
  Arrested a guy for riding his bike around naked.
• 1:20:23
  Hell yeah. Yeah, I don't get logistically
• 1:20:27
  how that worked either. I appreciate you reading my mind
• 1:20:31
  on that one, he took. The bike it.
• 1:20:32
  Was a yeah, it was not one of the banana seats, it was one of
• 1:20:37
  the the small aerodynamic seats. Oh yeah, yeah, I understand.
• 1:20:45
  So that was all the way up Rd. Yeah, probably up in his butt
• 1:20:51
  holes and tickling his tank at the same time.
• 1:20:55
  Well, I mean, well, he might have been on to something at
• 1:20:57
  that point. You're gonna have to crank if
• 1:20:58
  you just like get the angle right on the prostate.
• 1:21:01
  You're just you're, you're cross country coming.
• 1:21:05
  Dino, you're pre post mid add on is diabolical.
• 1:21:10
  I don't even remember where I put that, but we'll get there.
• 1:21:16
  You've already passed it. Yes.
• 1:21:18
  No, we're, we're, we're going. Back to the mid right now.
• 1:21:23
  OK, so that's a that's a no on the at work car crank, which is
• 1:21:26
  probably for the best. Yeah, now we're going to talk
• 1:21:30
  logistics. Now you don't.
• 1:21:32
  Want to get caught in the back seat?
• 1:21:35
  No no, I watch Super Troopers and then watch Super Troopers
• 1:21:38
  too. Yeah.
• 1:21:40
  And then Can you imagine? Getting stuck in the back seat
• 1:21:43
  of a patrol car. Just you come everywhere.
• 1:21:47
  Didn't the cop do that in Texas? Yeah, the the girl in the back
• 1:21:52
  seat went you want to fuck? And he goes, you can't say that.
• 1:21:55
  My body camera's on. And then proceeds to turn his
• 1:21:57
  body camera off and gets picked out of his car an hour later.
• 1:22:01
  Oh wow, wow. Want want want.
• 1:22:08
  Jeez. All right, so since we're
• 1:22:10
  talking about cranking hogs, it's such an awkward thing to
• 1:22:16
  try to segue into. So there's no good way to like
• 1:22:19
  ease into it. We're going to talk about hog
• 1:22:21
  cranking for a minute and then we'll get back to the stuff that
• 1:22:23
  people actually want to hear about.
• 1:22:27
  So I, I posed this question to Gavin last week, I think last
• 1:22:31
  week. When you do crank your hog
• 1:22:34
  because, right, you're a married guy, never married guy cranks
• 1:22:37
  his hog. Where do you crank your hog?
• 1:22:40
  Are you a shower cranker, A turlet cranker, or a bed
• 1:22:44
  cranker? I'd say I'm a 5050 shower bed.
• 1:22:55
  It's that. It it really depends on the day
• 1:23:00
  and sometimes I transition from one to the other.
• 1:23:04
  When when you listen, hang, hang on.
• 1:23:11
  Because I wanted to touch on this Somebody's, somebody's dogs
• 1:23:17
  are dying. No, my dogs are fighting.
• 1:23:20
  I'm sorry. Shut up.
• 1:23:22
  When you asked Gavin on the last episode about when, when he was
• 1:23:28
  like what he said I want, I wish I was so bad, so badly wishing I
• 1:23:33
  was still in the episode at that point.
• 1:23:36
  Because you when you were. When he said he does it in the
• 1:23:38
  bed or whatever and you're like, you just blow into us.
• 1:23:41
  And he's like. He's like, he's like, that's
• 1:23:44
  child shit, like but but he left it at that.
• 1:23:48
  He didn't finish like I just pictured Gavin just blowing
• 1:23:51
  alone all over his chest like a real man.
• 1:23:54
  It's. Just like.
• 1:23:56
  Just into his belly bud. He's like.
• 1:24:07
  He's like, I don't use a. Slack.
• 1:24:09
  That's for children. But he didn't.
• 1:24:12
  He didn't say I. Have a rag.
• 1:24:14
  He didn't say paper towel or nothing.
• 1:24:16
  He. Just no mention of tissue.
• 1:24:19
  I just oh, he's. Lucky he doesn't have a beard.
• 1:24:26
  Imagine that clean up process. Oh Lord.
• 1:24:29
  Oh. So what you said, you said
• 1:24:31
  sometimes both. So I I'm stuck on that.
• 1:24:35
  So does that mean that you start cranking in bed and then go, ah
• 1:24:38
  this one's going to be messy, and then go get in the shower to
• 1:24:41
  blow a load in the shower and then get back in bed?
• 1:24:44
  Oh, then I'll shower like if I got a shower or like I'm going
• 1:24:47
  to head to the shower after like post crank, I'm going to hit
• 1:24:50
  take a shower. I'll be like, you know what?
• 1:24:51
  I'm just going to finish this in the fucking shower.
• 1:24:54
  Save a little time, little efficiency.
• 1:24:59
  It's so much easier to clean up in the shower.
• 1:25:01
  It is. It's not as comfortable though.
• 1:25:06
  I I hate a shower crank. I I I don't like it.
• 1:25:12
  I don't like a shower crank. Are you a dry guy or a Lube guy?
• 1:25:16
  I'm. A dry guy, really.
• 1:25:20
  Lube takes too much time, involves too much cleaning.
• 1:25:24
  But you're in the shower. If you're a Lube cranker in bed,
• 1:25:27
  you're just of You're the worst kind of person.
• 1:25:30
  So here's the thing about. Here's the thing, a shower, it
• 1:25:35
  might as well be dry water does not serve as a lubrication at
• 1:25:40
  all. Like.
• 1:25:41
  It's the reverse actually. Yeah, like, like people want to
• 1:25:46
  like, talk about how passionate shower sex is.
• 1:25:50
  Like, you might as well just have sex with a piece of Velcro.
• 1:25:53
  Like it ain't good, you know, Freaking.
• 1:25:58
  It ain't good. I just don't, I don't know.
• 1:26:01
  It's the whole standing and and and cranking thing is is is is
• 1:26:06
  not, it's not feasible. I don't like it.
• 1:26:11
  Apparently Dino exclusively fucks standing up though, so
• 1:26:14
  it's he's he, he could be a standing jacker.
• 1:26:17
  Yeah, listen, listen. I am blessed with a a short but
• 1:26:26
  skinny Weiner, so it's all about the angles and how how I can use
• 1:26:34
  what I got and anything except for standing is greatly limiting
• 1:26:41
  to the underwhelming package that I am packing.
• 1:26:44
  You must have some fire. Glutes.
• 1:26:46
  I got to pee before I pee myself.
• 1:26:48
  Pee on the floor. Used to train.
• 1:26:53
  You already know how to turn your camera first.
• 1:26:55
  You already know how to turn the camera off.
• 1:26:57
  Fucking figured. That out.
• 1:27:01
  The best part is I'm pretty sure he can still hear us.
• 1:27:04
  Yeah, because it looked like those those headphones were
• 1:27:08
  Bluetooth, but we can't hear him.
• 1:27:10
  Standing up, though, is just I don't you're saying you get you
• 1:27:15
  get better leverage standing. Yeah.
• 1:27:18
  Oh, so you know, I'm not me. I'm not not me.
• 1:27:23
  Listen, I'm just, I'm just built different I guess.
• 1:27:29
  I like all the bugs and frogs and shit you can hear in Zack's
• 1:27:32
  yard. Yeah.
• 1:27:36
  It's calming as fuck. It's got to be a good glute
• 1:27:42
  workout. I I should try that.
• 1:27:46
  I do some standing. I, I, I've run out of steam real
• 1:27:49
  quick if I'd like, if I'm standing like because obviously
• 1:27:54
  you got. Like.
• 1:28:00
  Zach responds to that. Call.
• 1:28:02
  One of the fucking. I look like one of those goats.
• 1:28:05
  Don't fucking fall over when it's scared.
• 1:28:16
  Fucking. Was like, I don't man, I'm just
• 1:28:25
  trying to understand. Like I feel like my follow up
• 1:28:28
  questions are are like if I I'm trying to picture it and it's
• 1:28:32
  like getting a little invasive here, like with my next like
• 1:28:35
  follow up questions. So I just but I just feel like
• 1:28:38
  standing is hard to do. So I mean, go go ahead and ask
• 1:28:41
  it, because if it's too invasive, I've already got a
• 1:28:43
  canned response. So you're standing at the foot
• 1:28:47
  of the bed like I'm is she on her back or is she on her knees?
• 1:28:52
  Like because you're not tall enough for her to be on her
• 1:28:55
  knees Also on the bed unless your bed's.
• 1:28:57
  Short. So she's like to kiss and tell
• 1:29:00
  they're squirrely. Damn.
• 1:29:01
  Yeah. See, you already fucking make me
• 1:29:04
  ask. Only batter hit me with a
• 1:29:06
  goddamn but. OK, let's get off of this
• 1:29:12
  fucking topic. Jesus fuck all.
• 1:29:15
  I'm saying is you've got to have a nice ass.
• 1:29:17
  That's a lot of glute work out. I'll send you pics later all.
• 1:29:26
  Right, all right. Let's get into let's get into a
• 1:29:32
  little bit of some serious topic and and then we'll get back to
• 1:29:37
  just bullshit shenanigan tomfoolery.
• 1:29:43
  So logic would dictate that you being in the line of work that
• 1:29:49
  you're in Zach, you very likely or at least potentially would
• 1:29:56
  have a lot of the same or similar demons that like Gavin
• 1:30:01
  and I have with just day-to-day shit that has become normal,
• 1:30:06
  that for normal people is not fucking normal.
• 1:30:11
  Yes, yeah, the spicy thoughts are are are frequent.
• 1:30:17
  Yeah. So the question is, is your
• 1:30:21
  inner monologue spicy like ours is?
• 1:30:26
  Yes. Are you as fucked up as the rest
• 1:30:29
  of us? Maybe not as the rest of us,
• 1:30:32
  because again, I don't, in case anybody didn't get it based on
• 1:30:35
  the previous conversations, I don't work in any inner city.
• 1:30:39
  I don't deal with a lot of things on a daily basis that a
• 1:30:43
  lot of cops have to deal with and more power to them.
• 1:30:46
  I chose to get away from that and and in the more rural area,
• 1:30:54
  but I still, you know, hey, I got a note here somewhere.
• 1:30:58
  You're skipping around on me. Yeah, I I cleaned up the
• 1:31:05
  questions when we were bullshitting around, so I some
• 1:31:08
  stuffed. Up.
• 1:31:08
  Yeah, I tried to like be somewhat prepared and and it's
• 1:31:11
  backfired all wholeheartedly. Well, I mean, if you want, I can
• 1:31:15
  jump to the questions we skipped real quick.
• 1:31:18
  Zach, are you a real cop? No.
• 1:31:22
  All right, cool. When are you going to be a real
• 1:31:24
  cop? Never back to I don't work where
• 1:31:28
  real cops work. All right, that's fair.
• 1:31:33
  Let's talk about how your brains fucked up.
• 1:31:37
  A lot of stuff like I, I, the, the longer I'm in this, the
• 1:31:41
  older I get, the less like I want to be around giant crews of
• 1:31:45
  people, the more I pay attention to where I'm sitting at
• 1:31:49
  restaurants, exit routes, who comes in, kind of, to put it
• 1:31:58
  bluntly, like you're constantly planning on who you're going to
• 1:32:01
  kill, when you're going to kill him, how you're going to kill
• 1:32:03
  him. Not at all times, but a lot of
• 1:32:07
  the time. I mean, so do.
• 1:32:10
  You think, do you, do you think that that's because of your line
• 1:32:14
  of work or do you think it's just because of the shit that
• 1:32:17
  we're seeing every day online? Because I'm not a cop.
• 1:32:20
  I doesn't serve. I do the same thing.
• 1:32:22
  Like I've always like if, if we're at like the restaurant,
• 1:32:25
  I'm always like, if I'm taking like Maddie out to eat or
• 1:32:29
  whatever, I'm always like trying to face like it's, it's just
• 1:32:33
  mental notes that I make. OK, we can go this way.
• 1:32:35
  We can go that way. This is where people are going
• 1:32:37
  to come in Like, and I position myself towards that, but it's
• 1:32:40
  just more so because of the state of the world and how
• 1:32:43
  fucked up shit is. So do you think it's that or do
• 1:32:45
  you think it's because of your line of work and the shit you've
• 1:32:48
  seen? I think it's it's it's more
• 1:32:51
  often and different because of the line of work on top of you
• 1:32:54
  got to remember like the what you do and hang out, the people
• 1:32:57
  you hang out with already have those thoughts and like people
• 1:33:00
  growing up, like I know our dads are fairly similar, like that
• 1:33:04
  stuff that they kind of did. So you kind of learned it a bit
• 1:33:08
  and like the what what media you you get on your feeds and stuff.
• 1:33:13
  It's probably leaning that way to a certain extent.
• 1:33:16
  There's a lot of people in the world that are still just
• 1:33:17
  completely oblivious. Yeah.
• 1:33:21
  So I would say it's it's it is because of the world, but it is
• 1:33:25
  also a little bit more heightened because of my job.
• 1:33:28
  Yeah. That like, I just know more
• 1:33:32
  inner workings of like the logistics of things.
• 1:33:37
  Like I know like if something happens here, it's going to be,
• 1:33:40
  you know, X amount of time before anybody shows up.
• 1:33:43
  And if it is somebody shows up, it's depending on where I'm at,
• 1:33:46
  you know, there's going to be 1 dude or two guys, you know?
• 1:34:00
  Yeah, that's fair. I think there's a difference
• 1:34:02
  between it being a like a learned behavior in a
• 1:34:09
  professional sense or almost like a hazed behavior.
• 1:34:16
  I think there's a difference between that and just paying the
• 1:34:22
  fuck attention and understanding that the world is in fact not
• 1:34:27
  just a happy fucking place where everybody gets along.
• 1:34:31
  Coming from a place of like self preservation or as a guy in a
• 1:34:35
  situation, as a man being a protector.
• 1:34:38
  I think there's differences in where it stems from, but I think
• 1:34:41
  the end result is largely the same.
• 1:34:44
  I would agree. I would agree.
• 1:34:48
  The other way my head gets real spicy is what I'd like to tell
• 1:34:51
  people versus what I can tell people.
• 1:34:55
  I have a lot of inner monologues about how I would react to
• 1:34:58
  certain things if if I didn't have to like, report to somebody
• 1:35:02
  else. Yeah.
• 1:35:06
  That's fair. Yeah, I can't just tell anyone
• 1:35:09
  to fuck off. When I had, you know, I had
• 1:35:12
  interesting, I had an interesting when I was out of
• 1:35:17
  high school, I had considered going into law enforcement and
• 1:35:23
  somebody, I was talking to somebody and I went and I took
• 1:35:27
  the Michigan Civil Service Commission test downtown.
• 1:35:31
  I passed that, but somebody stopped me dead in my tracks
• 1:35:37
  because he's like, I just want you.
• 1:35:38
  He's like, I want to run you through a hypothetical
• 1:35:40
  situation. He's like, and if you think that
• 1:35:45
  you can handle it, then be a cop.
• 1:35:48
  He's like, if you don't think you can handle it and he's like,
• 1:35:51
  and then I'm going to ask you how you would handle it.
• 1:35:54
  And he and he and he pose me with the question.
• 1:35:56
  He's like, I want you to picture yourself responding to a call of
• 1:36:01
  a mysterious vehicle on the side of the road in the middle of the
• 1:36:03
  night. He's like, and you go, you go up
• 1:36:09
  and you see a van on the side of the road and you're going to
• 1:36:12
  check on on the vehicle and you look through the windows and
• 1:36:16
  through the window you see a man doing something unspeakable to a
• 1:36:21
  child. He's like, what would you do?
• 1:36:26
  And he goes, don't answer it. He's like, because if your
• 1:36:30
  answer is anything but the due process of what the law expects
• 1:36:34
  you to do, then you shouldn't be a cop.
• 1:36:37
  He's like, because if your answer is pull him out of the
• 1:36:40
  car and beat the everliving shit out of him, you shouldn't be a
• 1:36:43
  cop. If your answer is to pull him
• 1:36:45
  out of the car and kill him right there on the spot, you
• 1:36:47
  shouldn't be a cop. He's like, there's a certain way
• 1:36:51
  you're supposed to handle that. And he's like, and then after
• 1:36:53
  you handle it, how are you going to mentally handle that?
• 1:36:57
  You know, And I was like, fuck, I would probably kill somebody
• 1:37:00
  if I seen that. And that stopped me on in my
• 1:37:04
  dead in my tracks. Just that line of thinking.
• 1:37:07
  I was like fuck, I would probably kill.
• 1:37:08
  Somebody. I probably shouldn't be a cop.
• 1:37:12
  And I completely switched it up. I, I, I, I gave up.
• 1:37:15
  I was like, that's the I, I would hurt somebody.
• 1:37:19
  Can't do it. And, and there's a lot of those
• 1:37:21
  thoughts, obviously that at least in my opinion, most of us
• 1:37:25
  that still have, but it's that ability to turn that off to a
• 1:37:30
  certain extent in that scenario. Yeah, you got basically you RIP
• 1:37:35
  them out and then they go to jail.
• 1:37:37
  Right. But then you also got to
• 1:37:39
  remember you got to handle everything afterwards.
• 1:37:42
  And I'm assuming we'll get into a little bit more about that
• 1:37:45
  here in a little bit. But the other part is like, you
• 1:37:48
  got to be able to handle anybody and everybody telling you
• 1:37:51
  whatever they think it they want to tell you.
• 1:37:54
  You got to kind of just let it brush off like there's nothing
• 1:37:57
  you can do. Somebody spits in your face.
• 1:37:59
  You can't punch him in the face. It's your immediate reaction.
• 1:38:02
  It's all of our reactions. My, it just happened to my
• 1:38:05
  Sergeant the other day. And you're like, you want to
• 1:38:08
  punch him in the face, but you can't.
• 1:38:09
  You just got to kind of take it. Yeah, the same person also.
• 1:38:15
  For everybody. The same person also told me
• 1:38:18
  he's like, you also got to remember that as a police
• 1:38:21
  officer, 95% of the people that you were running to on a
• 1:38:25
  day-to-day basis are going to lie to you.
• 1:38:28
  He's like, he's like you. He's like the amount of people
• 1:38:31
  that lie to you dramatically goes up as a cop.
• 1:38:35
  Yeah. And I was like, damn.
• 1:38:36
  Yeah, it's true. I could see.
• 1:38:37
  That and and 95% of the people you run into on a daily basis
• 1:38:42
  are having a bad day. Yeah.
• 1:38:44
  Caused by you, Yeah. Or are having a bad day and now
• 1:38:48
  you have to fix that day. Yeah, to the best of your
• 1:38:52
  ability. Yeah, or they have meth in their
• 1:38:56
  tits. Or they have meth in their tits
• 1:38:58
  and hand it to you. Yeah.
• 1:39:02
  So do you have to pay extra for the tip meth?
• 1:39:04
  I'm asking for a friend. They they pay extra for the
• 1:39:09
  teddy sweat makes it kind of a little bit better I heard.
• 1:39:12
  Yeah, Yeah, that's fair. I feel like you.
• 1:39:15
  Would get a little bit better premium.
• 1:39:18
  Were these? Trip would go ahead, Jimmy.
• 1:39:24
  No, it's all right. Yeah, I'm curious.
• 1:39:29
  Oh, were these? Were these nice titties?
• 1:39:33
  Were these like? No.
• 1:39:35
  No were. These nice tits or were they met
• 1:39:37
  tits? Was this like they're?
• 1:39:38
  Never. They're never.
• 1:39:40
  Nice tits, Jimmy. I I figured like because I was
• 1:39:43
  like this is either like I picture just a either just a
• 1:39:49
  trashy looking rural Michigan woman.
• 1:39:55
  Like trailer? Park.
• 1:39:56
  Yeah, trailer park titties, you know, which was more likely?
• 1:40:00
  I I but a man can dream. Like like like they could have
• 1:40:04
  been. She just found meth yesterday.
• 1:40:07
  Type titties. I don't know, but yeah, I had a
• 1:40:09
  feeling. And even when they're nice
• 1:40:11
  titties it's it's not that great.
• 1:40:14
  I had it drunk. Literally try to grab me by the
• 1:40:17
  balls and grind on me the whole time I'm trying to arrest her
• 1:40:22
  and you're like, oh, that's. Odd, you think?
• 1:40:24
  Oh. That's great.
• 1:40:25
  It's such a pain in the ass. Yeah.
• 1:40:27
  Fucking just stop. Lady, this is.
• 1:40:30
  Fucking then you got to go do a car crank after you drop her off
• 1:40:32
  of jail to get those thoughts out of your head.
• 1:40:38
  Don't turn the camera off. Yeah, you're at work.
• 1:40:42
  You're working. Yeah, it's wild.
• 1:40:46
  Man you. Guys deal with all sorts of
• 1:40:49
  shit. Yeah, sometimes.
• 1:40:54
  And sometimes I do nothing. You know, it sounds like your
• 1:41:01
  last, would you say 8 years? And my last 11 years were very
• 1:41:05
  fucking similar. You're either doing shit or
• 1:41:08
  you're not, and you generally don't know until you're doing
• 1:41:11
  shit whether or not you're doing shit that day.
• 1:41:14
  Yeah, it's not even that day for us.
• 1:41:16
  It's not that day. It's literally that minute.
• 1:41:20
  Yeah. Yeah, it's zero to 100 and then
• 1:41:23
  you got to go back down to 0. Yeah, and I feel like for for a
• 1:41:29
  lot of guys on on both ends of the spectrum, like whether it's
• 1:41:32
  like my background or your your current job, right.
• 1:41:36
  Yeah. It's that ability to, to come
• 1:41:41
  back down to zero and to, I don't want to say disassociate
• 1:41:45
  because in, in mental health circles that's got a bad, it's
• 1:41:49
  got a negative connotation to it.
• 1:41:52
  But that ability to decompress and unwind and, and take that
• 1:41:58
  time to, to process what you can and like acknowledge that you're
• 1:42:04
  mentally shelving the things that you either don't have time
• 1:42:07
  to or are not like time now capable of fucking getting
• 1:42:12
  through or shit that just like you, I'm, I'm going to bury
• 1:42:16
  this. And I know that I'm burying it
• 1:42:17
  because if this ever comes back up again, I need actual therapy.
• 1:42:23
  Yeah, yeah, 100% yeah. I I just say you have a couple
• 1:42:29
  of stories that I think they're probably going to come up here
• 1:42:31
  in a little bit, but. Yeah, I feel like we we pretty
• 1:42:37
  well touched on on the inner monologue and and I don't know,
• 1:42:43
  is there anything that you really want to that you want to
• 1:42:46
  dive into with the how spicy is your sadness?
• 1:42:52
  It's been spicier. So my previous department there
• 1:42:58
  was only two of us at any given time.
• 1:43:01
  So it was a lot more run in, so a lot less time to process or do
• 1:43:04
  anything. And it also like one the one
• 1:43:08
  that the two that come into my mind a lot and it it's been
• 1:43:11
  years. The first suicide that I found
• 1:43:16
  an old gentleman had just was terminally ill and decided just
• 1:43:20
  to cut it quits a little early and I found him like EMS didn't
• 1:43:25
  find him, a family member didn't find him.
• 1:43:27
  I found him and it wasn't gruesome.
• 1:43:30
  It wasn't like nothing about it should have stuck, but it stuck
• 1:43:39
  and and that kind of tussled around for a while and it never
• 1:43:42
  got to like my like my own thoughts about it.
• 1:43:45
  But it just like just always the smell, the sight would pop up
• 1:43:51
  out of nowhere and you're like, why?
• 1:43:55
  And it took a long time to for that to just kind of naturally,
• 1:43:59
  I don't want to say go away because it still does every once
• 1:44:02
  in a while when stuff gets like this gets brought up, but just
• 1:44:05
  kind of find its place, so to speak, where it just kind of
• 1:44:09
  it's there, but it's not really a Burr anymore.
• 1:44:12
  It's just there. Yeah.
• 1:44:15
  The other is children, like kids are bad.
• 1:44:23
  Anything with kids is bad. But I had the dis fortunate of
• 1:44:28
  having to perform CPR on an infant after he was found not
• 1:44:34
  breathing. Not not a good time.
• 1:44:40
  That one stuck. And and kept coming up a lot for
• 1:44:46
  a long time and, and still every once in a while does like hit
• 1:44:52
  you and then your, your mood just switches and you're like, I
• 1:44:55
  was, I was having a good day and and now I'm not.
• 1:45:00
  So that stuff always sticks with you, but it doesn't have to
• 1:45:08
  affect you the same way later on.
• 1:45:12
  And when I, when that was going on, my partner at the time, we
• 1:45:16
  had a much longer time on was always says you don't got to
• 1:45:20
  talk to me. You don't got to talk to your
• 1:45:21
  wife. You don't got to talk to anybody
• 1:45:23
  in particular, but talk to somebody.
• 1:45:25
  You don't want to talk to me, talk to somebody else.
• 1:45:29
  You don't want to talk, tell your wife, that's fine.
• 1:45:31
  Talk to somebody else. And it's always that balance of
• 1:45:35
  not trying to load your shit onto somebody else's shit, but
• 1:45:42
  also unload enough of your shit that you can help yourself and
• 1:45:45
  potentially help other people handle some of theirs.
• 1:45:50
  Yeah, exactly. And it definitely.
• 1:45:52
  Helps, it definitely helps knowing that whoever it is that
• 1:45:57
  you you do find a talk to can at least relate on on some level.
• 1:46:03
  Because right, like their shit that over the last 11 years,
• 1:46:06
  like it very, very similar. Thankfully, largely speaking,
• 1:46:11
  there's no kids involved because at that, that's a fucking rough
• 1:46:17
  one. Like even if it is a happy
• 1:46:20
  ending, like that's, that's fucking rough.
• 1:46:23
  Like I've had to pull my daughter out of the bathtub
• 1:46:26
  after she drank a bunch of water and stopped, like, you know,
• 1:46:29
  doing involuntary functions on her own and get her back to
• 1:46:32
  involuntarily doing things. And like just that, that moment,
• 1:46:39
  it's like everything fucking turns off.
• 1:46:40
  We're on the X. I've got to do this and I don't
• 1:46:44
  this is a 0 fail mission. And right.
• 1:46:47
  Thankfully, the times that stuff like that's happened, like it,
• 1:46:50
  it worked out, but like being able to acknowledge the flip
• 1:46:55
  side of that coin that it, it doesn't always.
• 1:46:59
  And to a very limited sense, allowing yourself to explore
• 1:47:04
  those feelings and emotions in in a safe and controlled
• 1:47:07
  environment or being a conduit to, to listen or tell those
• 1:47:13
  stories to somebody who actually does fucking understand.
• 1:47:18
  Like that's, that's the delicate balancing act that you're kind
• 1:47:21
  of touching that is finding that person or those people that
• 1:47:26
  create that. And I hate saying this, that's
• 1:47:28
  safe space for you to unload the shit but not be a burden.
• 1:47:34
  Right, right. There's so many things that like
• 1:47:39
  talking to you guys is one thing, but like the amount of
• 1:47:42
  stuff I just don't say to my wife on a daily basis because
• 1:47:46
  there's no need like there's no need to stress her out with the
• 1:47:50
  the amount of bullshit that happens, you know, oh, I fought
• 1:47:55
  somebody last night. She doesn't need to know like
• 1:47:59
  why add? Why add the extra stress that
• 1:48:01
  she already has that I leave when I leave every day?
• 1:48:05
  I tell her a lot. That's probably a smart call
• 1:48:09
  because with the profession that you have, like she's probably
• 1:48:14
  already stressed about the stuff that you do.
• 1:48:16
  So I, I think that's probably a that's, that's probably a smart
• 1:48:23
  call on your, on your part, you know, because I mean, there's a
• 1:48:27
  reason why like cops is one of those professions where like
• 1:48:32
  statistically speaking, like it's one of the highest divorce
• 1:48:35
  rate careers divorce. Rates and suicide rates.
• 1:48:40
  Yeah, it's so it's probably for the best that she's not your
• 1:48:44
  outlet on that shit because like, yes, you're unloading it,
• 1:48:49
  but then the next day she's thinking, oh fuck, my husband's
• 1:48:52
  going back to work and that's what he's going to.
• 1:48:54
  So then you know that's going to cause.
• 1:48:57
  So like that's probably a smart call on your part, like.
• 1:49:00
  I would say. I would not like I'm not like a
• 1:49:05
  like a big not trying to condone like keeping stuff from your
• 1:49:10
  spouse or your partner by any means, but at the same time like
• 1:49:12
  that is your job like to do that.
• 1:49:14
  Like if it's maybe leave the juicy and terrible stuff out so.
• 1:49:21
  She's right. And, and over, over the years,
• 1:49:24
  you kind of learned what I don't want to say they can handle
• 1:49:28
  because it's not, it's not that they can't handle it, it's just
• 1:49:31
  that they shouldn't have to. Right, right.
• 1:49:35
  So it's like learning what what's OK to be like, OK, here's
• 1:49:38
  some of the juice and here's not some of the juice Like I it
• 1:49:43
  sometimes it's just a time reference, right?
• 1:49:45
  Like it was, I don't know. It was probably my first couple
• 1:49:49
  years on. I was working day shift and an
• 1:49:52
  old lady opened the door with a 44 mag.
• 1:49:56
  I was like, Oh well, happy Monday morning.
• 1:49:59
  And I literally said that to my partner as we're back-to-back
• 1:50:02
  against the house. And we both chuckled about it at
• 1:50:06
  the time. And then like I thought about
• 1:50:07
  later and I'm like, I am not going to tell my wife that there
• 1:50:11
  was a gun in my face today. That's a story for later.
• 1:50:18
  So it's stuff like that you just kind of get the timing and and
• 1:50:22
  what levels you can and can't and you just got to find a
• 1:50:27
  better outlet. Yeah, but you?
• 1:50:29
  Can't talk about drunk grinding, you know.
• 1:50:34
  I think I did tell her about that one, actually.
• 1:50:37
  She laughed. I think, I think that one's.
• 1:50:39
  I think that one's because like. Yeah, that one's fair game.
• 1:50:41
  It's. It's not like it's not like you
• 1:50:45
  made that situation happen, no. And you did your job and
• 1:50:49
  sometimes you get you get grinded on doing your job.
• 1:50:53
  I think. I think.
• 1:50:54
  Not very. Often would go and catch a case.
• 1:50:57
  I mean, if I were to, if I were to come home and be like, Oh
• 1:51:00
  yeah, some I was molesting somebody and she tried to grind
• 1:51:03
  on me and stuff. I think, I think, I think.
• 1:51:07
  Maddie would go and catch a. Case I don't know.
• 1:51:11
  She's like, don't. Bother to do this job.
• 1:51:13
  Go. Go have whores.
• 1:51:15
  Grind on you for all that she's. Like she's like, I don't give a
• 1:51:21
  shit. All right, fine, but don't let
• 1:51:25
  me feel flattered over here. Never mind, she don't give a
• 1:51:27
  fuck. Man, outside all this spicy shit
• 1:51:29
  you're making, you're making being a cop sound kind of cool.
• 1:51:33
  Sometimes I'm going to go be a cop tomorrow.
• 1:51:35
  Fuck it. The problem here's the real
• 1:51:40
  problem is I get a beer. It's a lot of fun until you have
• 1:51:45
  to type on it. Yeah.
• 1:51:49
  Oh, I bet. So let me ask you this because I
• 1:51:51
  so Yep, being a cop where you're a cop at, is it an affordable
• 1:52:02
  living to like be able to afford to live up there And like, is it
• 1:52:06
  like a. OK, overall, obviously it
• 1:52:12
  depends on each department gets paid differently and it's it can
• 1:52:15
  be drastic even in a short distance.
• 1:52:17
  But for the most part, I'd say I make good enough money to live
• 1:52:23
  where I live. OK, I'm not making Bloomfield
• 1:52:30
  Hills type money, but well, sure I make, Yeah, you know.
• 1:52:36
  But I'd rather be a tap where you're at than be a tap in
• 1:52:39
  Bloomfield Hills. Oh, absolutely.
• 1:52:42
  Yeah, like, yeah, like you've got the, you got the ideals, you
• 1:52:48
  got the ideal spot, like. In my opinion, I don't.
• 1:52:52
  I don't plan to go anywhere. Yeah, that's fair.
• 1:52:59
  All right, let's, let's keep moving through these questions
• 1:53:04
  because we are already at an hour and 52 minutes.
• 1:53:07
  Oh, Jesus. Yeah.
• 1:53:11
  All right, so I feel like the answer to this question is a no
• 1:53:14
  because we already largely covered it, but I'm going to ask
• 1:53:16
  it anyway. Can I lie to the police and say
• 1:53:19
  there's drugs in my butt in order to get cavity searched?
• 1:53:24
  No, but you'd probably lie to the hospital.
• 1:53:28
  Or I would have to lie to you guys to go to the hospital to
• 1:53:32
  get checked by the hospital. Potentially.
• 1:53:36
  Yeah, and the follow up is, are Are you sure I can't lie to you
• 1:53:40
  guys and get a finger in my ass? Yeah, pretty, pretty sure.
• 1:53:45
  Damn, have you ever had to tase somebody?
• 1:53:51
  I attempted once as we were running through the woods and we
• 1:53:55
  both tripped and we both I missed and he missed so no.
• 1:54:01
  Do you get to take your Taser home?
• 1:54:04
  I do not know. That sucks.
• 1:54:07
  Damn. One of my bucket.
• 1:54:09
  List things is I want to get tased.
• 1:54:12
  Go go punch a cop and then back up.
• 1:54:15
  I'm not going to punch a cop. I think there's other ways,
• 1:54:18
  Zach. And then?
• 1:54:18
  Back. Up other ways to obtain to
• 1:54:22
  obtain my there are other ways. Or something nuts, Zach.
• 1:54:29
  I don't, not necessarily see I didn't put that in there.
• 1:54:33
  The nuts is not where I want to get tased at.
• 1:54:36
  Oh I'm sorry, is it the butt hole?
• 1:54:38
  That's the equivalent of Ava vasectomy in my opinion is
• 1:54:41
  getting tased that's. Pretty, it's pretty close, yeah.
• 1:54:44
  It's pretty close. I almost had the opportunity to
• 1:54:49
  get hit with a stun gun, but I don't.
• 1:54:51
  This is not the same. I'd rather get tased.
• 1:54:54
  I want the full experience. I want the penetration, you know
• 1:54:57
  what I mean? Like I'm going to pass.
• 1:54:59
  Clip that. I've been pepper sprayed, I have
• 1:55:03
  not been tased and I do not plan to be tased.
• 1:55:05
  I. Don't ever want to be pepper
• 1:55:07
  sprayed. It's horrible.
• 1:55:09
  Yeah, because that's part of the Academy, right?
• 1:55:12
  Because you have to go through that.
• 1:55:13
  Yeah, I don't. Want Yeah, we had to get sprayed
• 1:55:15
  and then fight and handcuff people and it's not a good time.
• 1:55:19
  Yeah, I don't want to do that. I would rather get tased in the
• 1:55:22
  asshole than fucking get fucking pepper sprayed, you know?
• 1:55:28
  Pepper sprayed in the asshole. Can.
• 1:55:32
  You taste spicy, Do you taste it?
• 1:55:35
  What's the? Scoville units on that on the
• 1:55:37
  butt hole. That would be fucking terrible.
• 1:55:41
  Hey, I'll tell you what the Scoville are in pepper spray.
• 1:55:43
  I think we have to test it for science, Jimmy, and you are our
• 1:55:46
  scientist. I.
• 1:55:51
  I don't know if I want to open myself up to that experiment.
• 1:55:54
  There's a lot of things I'll do for the viewers, but that ain't
• 1:55:56
  one of them. I don't think.
• 1:55:57
  I don't think I'll. Have well, we'll get the we'll
• 1:55:59
  get a camera angle from the front.
• 1:56:01
  Don't worry about. It 5.3 million Scoville.
• 1:56:04
  Oh, it's not. That bad?
• 1:56:05
  Dude, my one chip challenge was worse than that.
• 1:56:08
  Yeah, but did you put the one chip challenge on your butt
• 1:56:11
  hole? I did not put it in my butt
• 1:56:12
  hole. And it's not in a spray going
• 1:56:15
  into your orifices. Maddie's hearing only part of
• 1:56:19
  this conversation. I'm getting judgment like no.
• 1:56:22
  Other. She just hears me constantly
• 1:56:25
  mentioning things going in my butt hole and she's not hearing
• 1:56:29
  the whole conversation. Well, that that pretty well sums
• 1:56:33
  up the Three Damn Dudes podcast. It's it's shared experiences
• 1:56:36
  talking about spicy shit. God that.
• 1:56:38
  Didn't come through the mic. What did she say?
• 1:56:42
  If you're Mark that. So you can.
• 1:56:49
  Go back and listen for background information.
• 1:56:51
  Background. Noise.
• 1:56:53
  It's not there. So.
• 1:56:58
  It was funny. Well.
• 1:57:00
  I can't. Well I bet it was, and I would
• 1:57:01
  love to know what it is, but you're not going to tell me, so
• 1:57:04
  see you later. Just just keep cock teasing all
• 1:57:06
  seventeen of our listeners. If you want to know, message me
• 1:57:10
  I'll tell you but. 16 I'm here fine.
• 1:57:13
  It can't go in the, IT can't go on the in the in the sound
• 1:57:16
  waves, Yeah. That's fair. 100.
• 1:57:24
  Percent. All right, just hear Maddie
• 1:57:30
  laughing in the background. And she knows what she did.
• 1:57:33
  Jeez. All right.
• 1:57:36
  I think, I think for the sake of time and for the sake of
• 1:57:39
  bedtime, because it's a school night for 66.6% of us, I think
• 1:57:46
  we call it here and we have a conversation about a Part 2.
• 1:57:52
  Thank you. Not opposed.
• 1:57:55
  OK, All right, well, let's let me mark where the hell we're at
• 1:58:04
  in our question, so I remember. Yeah, we got that.
• 1:58:08
  You jumped around. I did.
• 1:58:11
  There were a couple that that were there, but when you said
• 1:58:16
  you don't do cavity searches that that killed a significant
• 1:58:20
  amount of butthole related questions.
• 1:58:23
  So. Damn it, Jimmy.
• 1:58:25
  I need you to go listen because there's there's a couple weeks
• 1:58:30
  in between episodes, I think, right.
• 1:58:31
  Because didn't you say his availability was pretty limited
• 1:58:35
  or? Was I think then the next time
• 1:58:37
  we would look at having you on is probably that week in June
• 1:58:40
  you were talking about. Yeah.
• 1:58:41
  Yeah, probably. Yeah.
• 1:58:43
  So my my shifts rotate so I'll be working the next go to see.
• 1:58:48
  Tuesdays. Go see what you can do about the
• 1:58:51
  lack of cavity searches on your part and see if you have stuff
• 1:58:54
  to report. I, I I will not.
• 1:58:57
  Do it for the love of the game. I don't have a love for the
• 1:59:01
  game, Jimmy. How about you to look for it
• 1:59:03
  like like your next promotions in there?
• 1:59:06
  Like. I don't know if I want that
• 1:59:09
  either. Get after it.
• 1:59:13
  Just go look at some butt holes and report back.
• 1:59:17
  I have not seen a butt holes and I don't plan to see a butt
• 1:59:19
  holes. I'd have a bad.
• 1:59:22
  Not. 17 cavity searches performed like it would just be
• 1:59:27
  a counter. No, it'd be like, it'd be like
• 1:59:29
  Thomas Massie's deficit pin that he wears in Congress.
• 1:59:33
  Like it would just mine would just be cavity searches
• 1:59:36
  performed like ah yes. On that note, Jimmy, you got any
• 1:59:41
  final thoughts? Save rounds?
• 1:59:43
  Alibis. No, no, I don't think so.
• 1:59:48
  It was incredibly enlightening and I appreciate your input At
• 1:59:51
  the end of the show. Didn't even do a fucking sign
• 1:59:56
  off just no. What was my sign off?
• 1:59:58
  I forgot what it was. You were rocking with the Stay
• 2:00:02
  Sweet out there, was I for a little bit.
• 2:00:06
  My God, sorry I was distracted. Be rooting, be Tooting, and by
• 2:00:19
  God be shooting, but above all, be kind.
• 2:00:22
  There. You.
• 2:00:25
  Go Zach. You got any parting thoughts for
• 2:00:27
  our audience? I.
• 2:00:28
  Hate I might catch phrase. Oh, don't be a Karen.
• 2:00:36
  Shooting bow? Don't.
• 2:00:39
  Put meth in your tits. Take the meth out of your tits.
• 2:00:45
  Well, if you don't want to find Zach, you don't want Zach to
• 2:00:47
  find it, Put it in your ass because he's not going to fuck
• 2:00:50
  to look for it. Nope.
• 2:00:52
  You can keep. You can keep it.
• 2:00:55
  So if you're a Michigan meth head, I'm not going to tell you
• 2:00:58
  where he works, but there's a good chance that if you want to
• 2:01:02
  hide it, put it in your butt. I think that's already known,
• 2:01:06
  buddy. Oh.
• 2:01:09
  They don't know. I know those back.
• 2:01:15
  Prison pocket. Oh fuck.
• 2:01:20
  As always, this is your reminder to reach out to the boys, the
• 2:01:23
  dudes, the goons, the guys and gals that you went through the
• 2:01:27
  suck with. Stay in touch with your friends,
• 2:01:30
  'cause it's, it's no fun to go to funerals, right?
• 2:01:37
  So for Jimmy, for Zach, for Gavin, and I'm Mike.
• 2:01:44
  This has been another episode of the Three Dan Boots podcast.
• 2:01:48
  We appreciate you guys for tuning in every week.
• 2:01:51
  And don't don't piss into the wind.
• 2:02:00
  That's your PSA for this episode.
• 2:02:02
  Don't piss into the wind. Don't crank on public roads.
• 2:02:06
  Yeah, don't crank on public roads.
• 2:02:08
  Or do. Or don't keep the meth out of
• 2:02:10
  your tits. Put it in your butt.
• 2:02:12
  Don't ride a bike naked, yeah? Yeah, don't be that stupid.
• 2:02:21
  That's all we got. We'll we'll, we'll fucking see
• 2:02:24
  you guys next week. Cheers.