Latest / Becoming Irresistible / Season 2, Episode 18. The Independent Thinking Switch; When and How to Not Follow Blindly.

Transcript

Season 2, Episode 18. The Independent Thinking Switch; When and How to Not Follow Blindly. · Becoming Irresistible

• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Becoming Irresistible.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Jay, a high achievement lifestyle strategist and irresistibility expert.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I would really like to talk to you about something I keep reading about over and over again, and it's really fascinating to me.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's about the Milgram experiments.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now, these experiments were set up initially because there was a fascination during the Holocaust about why people would do heinous acts simply because they were told to do so, because those were the orders.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so the person who conducted this experiment wanted to see how much that was really a factor in people abandoning their reasoning and normal decision-making processes.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And the results might startle you if you've never heard of this.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: You might want to say, just the same as I wanted to say, that I would never do what they did in this experiment.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: However, in the experiment, they showed that 100% of the participants actually carried out actions that were against the normal reasoning and decision-making process of most people simply because an authority figure told them to do so.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: 100% of them did that.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you might be wondering, well, what was this experiment?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: The experiment was that a subject being, if in the case of you and I were participating, we would be the subject that was placed in a room with an authority figure.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: In this case, it was a scientist wearing a lab coat.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Not really saying they had any other type of credentials, just wearing a lab coat.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And they were told that in the room next to them, there was another subject who would be doing a memory and learning exercise.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And in order to help them learn and to remember more, the subject, that would be you or I, would be delivering shocks to that other person when they got an incorrect answer.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: This supposedly to boost their memory and help train them to get more answers right.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, initially it was fine, they're low-level shocks, but the more answers that these participants got wrong, the higher the level of the voltage that was being delivered.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And people like you or I who would walk into that room as a part of the experiment, they would be the ones giving the shocks to the other person.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Now they couldn't see the person because they were in the next room, but they could hear them.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And even when these people were screaming out in pain and yelling for them to stop, even then the majority of the people went on to deliver the shocks.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, not everybody delivered lethal levels of the shock, but everyone in the experiment delivered enough voltage that a person could experience permanent and long-lasting effects of a high electrical voltage.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, why did they do this?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Simply because there was an authority figure in that room urging them to continue the experiment.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: I wish this was not the result of this experiment, but that is the truth.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it went on to show how much authority can influence us in our actions.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this isn't the only scenario to consider here.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: You yourself have probably witnessed in your own lifetime a situation where you experience an event, like someone getting hurt, injured, or passing out in front of you.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And initially, nobody goes to help them.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or it takes more time than it should for someone to go help them.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's called a bystander effect.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, once somebody runs out to help them, then everybody goes.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but initially, it's very common that nobody will go out to help someone if they're injured, or even in just calling 911.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: If someone yells, call 911, even though everyone there has heard it, a lot of times nobody will call unless you specifically designate who should be the one to call.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a third experiment that was done, which was also interesting, is that people sat in a room where smoke was being pumped in.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And because there were other participants in the room who were just ignoring the smoke, oftentimes these people would not take any action in regard to the smoke because of the behaviors of the other people in the room, of course, who were actors who just ignored the smoke.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: The majority of people just followed along with what the other people were doing in the in the group.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now, these experiments, the bystander effect, the Milgram experiments, they show that outside influences can really influence our action.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: In the case of Milgram experiments, it was authority.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: In the case of the bystander effect, it's what the rest of the people are doing.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And these types of behaviors were actually protective.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's called trust mode.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: And trust mode originated in tribal culture in ancient times.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because in ancient times, when we started to live in communities, we realized that these types of behaviors were protective.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Listening to an authority figure could help save your life, could help improve the dynamics of your group, could keep you from starving.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: So it was meant as a protective thing.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so we have learned over generations and generations that listening to authority is a good thing.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: So it's ingrained in us that we should listen to authority.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: The other factor is doing what your tribe is doing.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the bystander effect is actually an example of that.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because in a tribal community, if you weren't sure what to do, your default answer was do what the tribe is doing.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: That was the safe thing.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so now we've developed that same instinct.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: If we don't know what to do or we're hesitant to do something, then we check the rest of our group to see what they're doing, or to make sure that our instincts of what to do were correct.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if no one's doing anything, that's actually what you should be doing.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's what our instinct tells us.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: So these effects, these behaviors that we display are not bad.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: They're actually protective.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And they're what I call the trust mode or the natural state that we usually default to.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really good because imagine if we questioned every stop sign, every pilot, every doctor, every teacher.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, society would collapse.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because authority helps save enormous mental energy.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of decisions in our society require complex decision making with lots of information.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: And some of the time we don't even have access to that information.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it requires a lot of mental energy and a lot of knowledge and expertise to make those decisions in the best way.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Where else do we see trust mode?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: We see it with our parents, with our teachers, with GPS.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And truly, we just couldn't function if we had to independently verify every little thing.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: So trust mode is a good thing and it's an adaptive thing.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's our default state.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: The problem isn't the actual trust mode, it's not knowing when to turn that off.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because high achievers don't question every single thing, but they know when to flip on their independent thinking switch.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: The independent thinking switch is the conscious decision to temporarily stop relying on authority or the crowd or other influences and begin evaluating the situation using your own observations, reasoning, and values.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, as I said, that doesn't mean authority is always wrong.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: It just means that you're conscious of when a decision deserves independent thought.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And here I'm going to introduce how to know that.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And switch point number one is that your senses disagree.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Smoke, danger alarms, or some real concrete evidence that you could be in harm's way.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: All of these should immediately tell you to turn on your independent thinking switch.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now the second of the five switch points comes to when your values disagree.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about discomfort or your conscience, even.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's about when your values disagree.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: If someone's asking you to kill someone, that usually will turn on your independent thinking switch.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but it doesn't have to be just when the the values being questioned are lethal.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: It can be for when your values are being pushed or confronted by things that are not at the end of that spectrum.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: If someone's telling you to hurt somebody to the point that they're going to be in the next room for you to stop, and you hear them like they did in the Milgram experiments, then that should turn on your independent thinking switch.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: So there are certain alert signals that should tell you to turn on your independent thinking switch, like this one about when your values disagree with what is being asked of you.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: The third switch point is that questions are being discouraged.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: If someone says, just trust me, then your independent thinking switch should go on.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Unless, of course, it is a parent you've known for your whole life and they've never put you in harm's way, they've never asked you to do something that was outside of your best interest.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: If a parent like that, someone you've had established history with and you know that they are looking out for you, asks you to just trust me, then chances are that you can trust them without having to worry.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: But if someone you don't know or you don't have that established history with, even if it is a parent, but you haven't seen them in 20 years, is saying, just trust me, that should switch on your independent thinking switch.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Or there's other statements like don't ask, or just follow orders.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: These should help you to turn on your independent thinking switch because an actual healthy authority figure welcomes questions.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: They don't say don't ask questions.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: So if someone is saying that and asking you to do things that are questionable, that should make you stop and say, I need to turn on my independent thinking switch.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: The fourth switch point is when the stakes are unusually high, meaning your decision in that moment can have permanent consequences or high level consequences, or they can be irreversible decisions.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Those high stakes types of decisions deserve slower thinking and a more thorough thought process than when you are in trust mode, than when you are making a low-level decision.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have a high stakes decision to make, turn on your independent thinking mode.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the fifth switch point, the last one, is when you know that you're following people instead of the evidence.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if it helps you, you can ask this question if everyone disappeared, would I be making this decision now?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: If the answer is no, then maybe you need to to stop and turn on your independent thinking switch.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is increasingly becoming the case, right, on social media.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's a place where if you find yourself making decisions or wanting to make a decision just because everyone else is doing it, you've got to turn on that independent thinking switch and ask if it's really a right or good decision for you.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: It also can happen in school with authority, with teachers, right?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or the rest of your classmates doing something.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: It can also happen in a career, in a in a job where your boss asks you to do something that might be questionable, or another employee, right?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: So those questions, those alerts should tell you, hey, it's time for me to put on my independent thinking switch.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: It also can apply in relationships and even with AI, because AI now is becoming a sort of authority figure as well.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: So people are increasingly assuming that AI said it.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: So that must be the thing I need to do.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it's true that AI most likely should deserve our trust most of the time.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: But AI also deserves an independent thinking switch.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And similarly, ask some of those questions like, would I be doing this if I were by myself?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if the answer is no, you really need to let your independent thinking take the lead on those situations.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now, our goal here on this podcast is not to raise children who have to challenge every authority figure or every order they're given or question every decision that they're making.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Our goal is to raise children who recognize those moments when independent thinking is what is required.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because leaders aren't people who reject authority, they're the people who recognize when a situation requires independent judgment and thought in order to make the best decision.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Most of our lives we spend in trust mode.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's how society works.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Staying in the trust mode.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: But then there are rare moments that define your character, your leadership, and sometimes even your safety.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: And those are the moments you have to flip on your independent thinking switch.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Again, high achievers don't question everything.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: They simply know when to flip on their independent thinking switch.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you have recalled now.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: I hope by now you know the five alerts that you should be aware of that tell you it's time to switch on your independent thinking.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Cement those alerts into your mind so that when you encounter them, you recognize them.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, all of us fall prey to authority and to peer pressure and influence.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: But if you know and can recall the alerts that tell us when to stop relying on those things, then you can make better decisions for yourself and for others around you.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, we talked about five switch points today.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: The first one is when your senses disagree.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, anything that alerts emergency or gives you a sense of danger that you or somebody else could be in harm's way, especially if it's smoke or if it's an alarm, anything like that should immediately signal you to turn off your automatic scripts of following others and following authority and turn on your independent thinking switch to preserve your own life or to help somebody else who's in danger.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: The second switch point we talked about is when your values disagree.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you feel something inside you saying, this just isn't right, then that should immediately flip your independent thinking switch to the on position.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Don't follow everyone else or just blindly follow authority without being clear about what it is that you're doing.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: If it is not in line with your values, then pause and really make sure that you're not about to do something that you will regret.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: The switch point three is when you hear somebody discouraging your questions, when they say, just trust me, and they have not built that relationship with you yet, or if they are saying don't ask, or they get upset when you do ask questions, or they tell you to just follow orders, especially when it's a decision that doesn't follow normal standards, and they tell you don't ask questions, just follow orders.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's something that should really make you pause because they should be able to explain why you're doing something out of the ordinary, especially if you ask.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: So any of those phrases should immediately signal you to turn on your independent thinking switch.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: And switch point number four is when the stakes are unusually high.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: That means there can be permanent consequences.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: If someone tells you to steal something, pause for a minute and think if I get caught, am I ready to live with the consequences?
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: These are high-stakes decisions that deserve slower thinking.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, that does include running off to Vegas to get married.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: You need to slow yourself down and really think about if what you're doing is a decision that you are ready to commit to and willing to accept consequences if it goes wrong.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: And switch point number five is following people just because they're popular or because they seem to be leading social media.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Turn your independent thinking switch on and think to yourself: if everyone else disappeared, would I still be making this decision?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or am I just doing this to fall in line with the crowd?
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: But not really because it represents who I am or what I'm aligned with.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: So those are the five switches that should immediately signal you to turn on your independent thinking switch.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now you might still make the same decision, but now you're doing it with a lot more agency and a lot more of your own thought and decision making involved.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you know those five signals now, then my job today is done.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you've enjoyed this episode.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if you know anyone who would benefit from learning these switch signals, then please share this episode or share it to your social media.
• 19:54
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• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we want to see for each and every young person out there, and for you if you're a parent.
• 20:19
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• 20:22
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• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have any questions, burning questions about achievement, about success, anything that has been confusing for you?
• 20:34
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• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: So until next time, my friends, stay irresistible.